What crime did you commit before you turned 10? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what's the worst crime you ever committed before you turn ten this kid Ricci stole my Orlando Magic beanie and denied it to the teacher one week later he brought his dad's portable black-and-white TV not much bigger than a gameboy with a big antenna I took it out of his bag when he wasn't looking and stashed it he immediately blamed me but couldn't tell the teacher because I guess we weren't allowed to have TVs so he just sucked it up thinking I will give it back at the end of the day I remember watching that show gargoyles in my room late that night on my new portable TV laughing quietly at the beating he probably took from his dad for losing his TV if you are reading this Ricky I'm not sorry hit a kid with my sister's pogo stick this was mid eighties and he was the kid on the street who thought he could bully everyone but then ran to his mum crying if anyone dare to stand up to him after a full day of his [ __ ] I finally snapped went in our garage and got the pogo stick then I walked with purpose and a pogo stick over my shoulder to his house into the gun and twatted him with it as hard as I could he screamed and went down while I calmly walked away and put the pogo stick away I became a bit of a social pariah in the neighborhood after that but that little [ __ ] never bothered me again not a crime but I was in year one at school and being little shits we were messing around and making a lot of noise in the lunch hall when we were told calmed down by the teacher we all accepted it but there was always that one kid who said yeah you're not allowed to talk in here for some reason that pissed us off more than anything so I take it upon miles to stand up walk past this guy and then without thinking say to the teacher name made fun of my skin as far as I knew it I was one of three non-white in that school he got suspended for three days I was a little [ __ ] there was this family that lived next to my grandparents and they moved but I guess had a small car so they would leave bags outside of the house pick some up and come back well there was a black bag full of toys and I took it before they had a chance to come back for it I stole five hundred dollars and a chapstick from my dad's wallet and put it into my Darth Vader piggy bank and he figured it out pretty quickly when he noticed the chapstick on the floor of my room upon looking in my piggy bank and finding the five dollar 100 bills I told him it was from our allowance where he never gave allowance arson was playing with matches setting a newspaper on fire it was pretty windy and the whole newspaper started blowing around grabbed a cardboard refrigerator box and stomped on the fire till I thought it was out well the Box caught fire the wind picked up the embers and sent them up into a tree right behind my great school tree went on fire and set the next one on fire I ran heard the fire engines and hid in my house for the rest of the weekend that Monday I had to line up into the schoolyard stared at those two burnt out fries for almost three months before they cut them down I stole a game of battleships from a daycare ship by ship and then colored peg by peg they just thought we kept losing the pieces because we were kids I don't know what I expected to do with all the pieces because there was no way I could steal the board's without notice at the end you just point out that there isn't much point to having the game borders around anymore and ask if you can have them to use as cases to keep your stuff in you just don't tell them the stuff is the ships and pegs to be fair I was involved in this but it's a case of well that escalated quickly and older friends we had a tree house that got bulldozed during the clearing of our small forest behind our house a new housing development was going in we didn't know about it and we were seriously pissed when we walked out one day to find a big ruin where our thought belongings treehouse toys and such used to be we really didn't understand that our woods weren't really ours over the course of a weekend we exact it our revenge one commerce started a fire in the cab of a dump truck using the litter in the floorboard and were - cigarette lighter - comma put gasoline from various equipment onto the foundation cinder blocks of the new homes then burned them which destroys the grill in turns the cinder blocks to powder as soon as weight goes on them three comma hot-wired a very large center hinge road scaper love you or something that we then proceeded to attempt to drive failing horribly we bailed then watched in sick fascination as it slowly plummeted over the side of the artificial lake that the housing development was digging there was only a few feet of water in the bottom of the newly excavated lake at a time orange clay sides and a muddy mess never got caught I was exactly ten but I still feel as though this fits the thread for context at the start of the fifth grade I was [ __ ] depressed my family had just moved States and I was thousands of miles away from all the friends I'd known all my life I was also desperate for attention my teacher had a class blog where she'd give us bell ringers to start the day you know what I did I [ __ ] made a terroristic threat I naanum asleep naught for Batum but this is a jest I'm coming to school with a gun tomorrow you'll all be sorry this was right after the Sandy Hook shootings so understandably everyone was [ __ ] terrified the police were called and I started crying and turned myself in the aftermath was scary as [ __ ] I don't know much about the legalities because I've never brought it up much to my parents but I know a lawyer was hired I spoke to him and I almost went to state juvenile court before the whole case was dropped probably because it was ridiculous the only good thing that came out of all this was that I got the therapy that I needed but man that [ __ ] was stressful on a ten-year-old and probably even more stressful on my parents TL DR 5th grade me threatened to shoot up the school when I was 8 I had just gotten a new BMX bike a shiny new Harrow and at the time all the boys on my block were obsessed with riding bikes we would take our bikes down to the railroad tracks by my house and jump small ramps one day some boys decided to try and take my bike they pushed me off of my bike and tried taking it being sort of small at the time I kind of just let them do it one of their parents showed up and made the boy give me my bike back decidedly sick of their [ __ ] I went home and grabbed my dad's pocket knife I rode my bike around the tracks for about an hour waiting for one of the boys to mess with me they didn't and I got impatient so I started ramping the bigger jumps that's when the eldest boy around 11 of the time spoke up nice bike punk he said riding up to the ramp what I did next I still remember vividly riding away from the ramp I jumped off my bike ran to him and stabbed him in the arm he started to scream for his mom and I quickly ran home my dad got a call from his mom later she wasn't mad because he had provoked it but I still feel awful about the bandages he had to wear for the next two weeks don't know if it counts but I was playing around in the yard of the recently vacated rental house next door when I was 8 - 9 you and I found a ziploc bag stuffed completely full of weed like I'm amazed that this back was able to close definitely more than an ounce anyway having recently gone through the d.a ah eek lasses I immediately run home than to bring it to my mom she takes it from me and tells me that I did the right thing and asks me to please not tell anyone about this it will be our secret so that's what I did I asked her about it on a few occasions recently and every time I broach the subject she tells me that she can't remember what she did with it ok mom TL DR I was an accomplice in a drug heist with my mom when I was a top-15 me used to bully me let's call him Tony I was really short and really chubby while he was tall and athletic one day he shoved me up against a car and punched me in the stomach when we were walking back from the bus stop for no reason I think our conversation just escalated and he got really mad at me for some dumb nine-year-old reason anyway later that night I snuck into my garage and grabbed a can of spray paint went over to his house and sprayed Tony as a [ __ ] in huge letters on his driveway I had probably just recently found out what that word meant and was dying to use it my parents made me scrub it out the next day after his parents realized it was me my sister and I thought it would be a good idea to throw small rocks and gravel at the cars driving too fast through our neighborhood one winter the one guy who got super pissed about it was the one who was always speeding and never looking out for kids jokes on him because he got into a bad wreck later that winter while speeding he lived but he was in the hospital for a while and his car was totaled a mentally challenged kids magic cards my brother had an IEP in school individual education plan which meant that he was always doing extra work outside of school to catch up to the rest of his class one of these after-school activities just so happened to take place at a private school for less than gifted children now I'm not sure of the circumstances maybe Little Billy was being totally rambunctious and his teacher was punishing him by taking his only love his magic cards away during school hours or maybe his teacher hung onto his car so she could reward him for good behavior throughout the day in either case she obviously got too comfortable and trusting with her class because she left those [ __ ] right on top of her desk Fay table I looked at the top two cards and shoved them as far into my pockets as I possibly couldn't tried not to think of the shitstorm that would go down come morning I'm not sure what the actual cards were but I do remember that the one on top was a five stroke five spider and the other was a five stroke seven or seven stroke seven basilisk looking [ __ ] both were huge improvements to my [ __ ] early thrown-together deck anyways totally got away with it and ripped [ __ ] at school for like a week and a half until my buddy went out and got blazed I was playing at the park and heard the ice-cream guy go by so I ran over to see my younger brother with a $10 bill buying ice cream for him and our parents I asked for ice cream too but he said no because I wasn't home to ask for it when he got the money I believed him into letting me get a three dollar thing anyway got my ice cream and ambivalently took it back with me to the park got in so much [ __ ] with my parents at night it was unreal I guess I committed grand theft ice cream I felt so bad for it that a few weeks later I hadn't saved up enough dimes I collected found change all the time and for some reason it was usually dimes that I tried to set up a garage sale for some of my toys so I could pay back my dad my mom got really mad that I would sell things they bought for me while my dad just hugged me and forgave me because I obviously felt really bad about it stealing the teachers wallet out of her person framing it on the class bully I was a husky kid one day I was talking to the girl I was crushing on in the hall as we were released for recess the class bully walked by and said what are you talking to her for fat ass my crush looked at him then looked at me and then walked away this injustice cannot stand I told myself so the next day when we were released for recess I snuck back into our unlocked classroom our teacher smoked so I knew she'd be out and took her wallet out of her person stuffed it in to the very bottom of the bully's desk cubby towards the end of the day the teacher grabbed her purse and noticed it was missing her wallet she then started rummaging through her desk drawers before finally looking at the class with you little shits look she told us if you give back my wallet now you will be in a lot less trouble than when I find it myself of course no one except me knew where it was so everyone kept quiet eventually she got upset enough to stop going through our stuff when she found her wallet in the bully's desk he started crying saying I don't know how that got in there Mrs P I didn't take it he was sent to the principal's was expelled and was eventually enrolled into another elementary school aged six lived in a new development of homes a bunch of us got into a house that had just been completed through an open door it didn't take long before vandalism started breaking mirrors throwing rocks into walls etc the Builder showed up and most of us ran but I froze and got caught had to go to juvenile court for it and got probation the only good thing to come from it was my dad later telling me that he was never more simultaneously ashamed and proud of me at the same time he was disgusted by what I did but he was amazed that I never gave up the name of a single friend I said I didn't know any of them and he respected that not me but my sister I was seven and she was five this was during a Canadian winter mom took us out for groceries as usual she went to the liquor store this time though we'd been there before and she told us not to wander about again as usual she bought some wine and rum or something we get back into the car and are just about home 15 minutes drive and then my sister pulls this giant bottle out of her coat mom look what I bought you ' had to explain to her that is not what buying is I'm still confused how a five year old stole this big bottle of booze it wasn't a cheap one either it was around her $80 bottle it was a fancy bottle that was pretty wide I forget which brand it was though but the liquid was caramel colored stopped and possibly derailed a freight train by putting stones in the rails it all started with coins edit whole story was me and my friends started pressing coins on a railroad track a couple weeks later we got bored and ran out of ideas so we grabbed rocks and lined them up after a couple trains running over them with huge noises one suddenly stopped right before the piled up stones we ran like hell and saw several police cars turning up in the distance managed to outmaneuver them and got back home never to do this [ __ ] again when I was six I was addicted to single serve kool-aid packets by addicted I would have several a day and it was my drink for breakfast lunch and dinner ah kool-aid anyway one day I was at Target and my I saw some fruit punched packets for sale next to the register next to the candy bars and gum not knowing what shoplifting was I slipped it into my pocket and being greedy put a dozen or so on the conveyer belt my dad sadly did not approve of this and made me put them back I forgot about the one in my coat pocket until we were exiting the store as we walked out those alums starting flashing red and I ran I was a good quarter of the weight of the car and ready to start my fugitive life when my dad called me back it turns out we were fine but there was a woman who exited the store at the same time as as women paid kool-aid flavored water bottles on the bottom of her cart I never drank fruit punch flavored anything again bank fraud once stole a check from my mother wrote $2,000 on it from some random guy I've never met paid to some random guy I've never met bike to a nearby bank and deposited the check I should mention that bank account was shared with my mother the $2,000 check didn't work because it wasn't deposited to the right account I took another check for $3,000 this time and tried again this time to the account of I eat [ __ ] four afternoons it worked but it wasn't long before my mom realized that she was missing a couple thousand dollars and proceeded to angrily destroy my newfound richness place sigh ignorance of youth any bank that processed that check doesn't deserve to handle anyone's money her buddy and I were at the local mall and had just finished watching a movie at the mall second floor AMC movie theater one way to X it was through a fairly industrial back hallway a hallway that happened to have a large fire hose wrapped up and an enticing large water valve we thought it would be fun to open the valve and see what happened well water came gushing out of the fire hose like well like water from a fire hose we got scared and ran off without turning off the water we ran out of the moorland to the bike racks to get out of the area however before a minute went by mall fire our lungs were tripping and we were too curious to leave before too long a number of fire trucks pull up nervous but watching this unfold we saw the fireman open some bottom floor doors and basically Niagara Falls with gushing from the doorway it was all quite exciting a man came over at one point and asked us if we knew what happened and to this day I think he was a plainclothes cop by the way he was trying to get information from us I don't know the extent of the water damage but we never confessed and never got caught I burned down three trees on the side of a building when I was eight I had found matches in the staircase leading down from my apartment and I was lighting the pine straw on fire with my friend Daniel we had gotten down to the last match and we decided to let this one go for a little longer the other ones we had stomped out after a few seconds anyway you know how fire works and sumit was out of control I remember I ran home and told my mom right away what I had done but I did lie to the police he walked me over to his car and threatened to take me to jail before I confessed this led to me requiring a parent to be with me and eventually my parents were evicted because they refused to pay for the damages when I was in middle school I started an illegal business selling sweets at school I knew it wasn't white but I didn't know it was against the law I went to the shop in my village and bought a bunch of sweets that you couldn't really get anywhere else they were dirt cheap and caked in sugar the exact thing nine-year-olds love then I'd get to school and sell them for three sometimes four times the price I made twenty pounds in a week and I remember my parents kept asking me where I was getting all this change from I said I found it on the school bus eventually I blow my cover when I fight to sell one sweet retail price 30p to a boy in the year below for a tenner his mum found out and came round my house had a go at me and my parents told my mum what I was doing dead laughed and praised my business acumen mum was horrified made me write a letter to every kid I'd sold sweets to that took some doing and returned the money to school not me a friend of mine from high school he revealed to me one day that he attributed one event from his childhood that forever changed the course of his life for the worse he was in school with his friends and they were standing at the top of a stairwell they were all playing with matches and he ended up lighting one and throwing it down the stairs well that match landed on a girl's head and her hair caught on fire she wasn't badly hurt but apparently there was a Michael Jackson ash hairspray effect and a lot of her hair went up in flames he was expelled from the school district and sent to a school for problem children he wasn't an animal but he was thrown in with the worst kids in town there was no focus on learning and pretty soon school was not school any longer when I knew him he was in the technical stream in high school focusing on automotive he simply said that every day since that day had been a struggle and he realized that the life he would have had was no longer possible as a grown adult now I have a hard time thinking about how down the kid could be that he thinks it is all over from ten years old on grand theft auto in the second grade two of my friends and I decided that we didn't like homework so we decided to talk to the president about it our plan was to meet at the air Court the next morning to fly to Washington and chat with the president about the situation while my mother was in the shower I took her car keys and got into the car it was a manual and I couldn't reach the pedals anyway so a neighbor found me in that car slightly rolled down the road one of my friends said he tried to bike to the air Court but he got tired after a block and went home the other said he forgot about the plan altogether around eight years old I was with my parents at the shops and I decided to try steal a packet of candy cigarettes so I put them in my pocket a kid roughly my age was right next to me and I smiled at him as if to be proud of what I just did he then said put those back I was shocked because ooh I thought I was being cool and decided to just put them back before he told on me as I pulled them out of my pocket my dad saw me and knew what I had just done by the time we left everyone in that shop knew my name and how many times I was getting the belt on my ass when we got home in about fifth grade my brother found out that the school supplies cupboard in his classroom was always unlocked so at recesses he started sneaking in and helping himself started with a couple pencils and an eraser and then progressed to him stuff in his backpack full of workbooks markers pegs reams of paper and anything else that wasn't nailed down eventually my mom noticed how well-stocked his closet had become and she made him bag it all up and marched him into the principal's office to return it my brother walked in carrying two large garbage bags full of supplies the principal's eyes bulge when he saw the scale of the theft then my brother turned and started to walk out of the office the principal stopped him and said and where do you think you're going dart my brother looked at him plaintively and said to get the rest of it principal damn-near [ __ ] himself can't remember the exact count but it was in the neighborhood of a dozen of the big garbage bags he swears that on one of his trips in he caught the principal taking a pull off a bottle in his desk drawer was 11 so kind of not in the zone but it was good I used to have a crush on a girl who would not notice me one day I was waiting with my mum for my sister to finish her after-school study session and I told my mom I forgot something in my class so there I went looking for something to proclaim my love and finding nothing mind you I was 11 and love meant causing mild discomfort so here I am looking left right and center I found nothing and proceeded to take a huge [ __ ] on her chair and cover it with papers next day we came to class and I noticed my mistake for some reason I thought I hid the [ __ ] pretty good turns out I did not notice the pile of [ __ ] smelling like death had in fact overpowered the papers and the wet stuff went through them and thus [ __ ] looked like [ __ ] no one knew who it was they got her a new chair and I never got caught when I was in first grade I went to a Christian school that was connected to my church well I developed an obsession with sticky tack for whatever reason and every time the teacher had ass line up for a bathroom break I would lean up against the posters on the wall reach behind and grab as much sticky tack as I could without a poster falling off I vaguely remember one of them falling off during class and the teacher mumbling about how she couldn't figure out where the sticky tack was going well one night after church I convinced my best friend to help me steal more I bribed him to be exact I bribed him with a genuine one of a kind very sought-after recently discovered Rock it was literally a little black rock I found on my school's playground well long story short we got caught in the classroom and he was the one that had to buy more sticky tack for my teacher I felt bad for a while until he was no longer mad at me after which I have always thought it was hilarious oh and hey I'm still friends with the guy I had a teacher mrs allen myself and two of my friends found out she was allergic to perfume and poured it all over her classroom and she went into anaphylactic shock she made my life a living hell and deserve it before I did it she pulled me out of class and told me she doesn't like me and accused me of cheating on my test I studied all weekend for that test and got a really good mark she would never help me with anything I would have my hand up for the entire duration of the class and she would ignore me she would call my house and tell my mom I was disrupting other students and tell her I need to see a psychiatrist to see if I have a mental issue I would only disturb the students to ask if they could explain it to me in the end I was too young to be charged she never admitted to anything she did to me I got kicked out of school and my three friends passed over all the blame if you're reading this Mrs Allen I [ __ ] hate you and hope your life sucks I stood at the end of my driveway giving the middle finger to every car that drove by because I saw a kid do it in my first grade class when the teacher was writing on the board and he was flipping her off when she had her back turned some kids last and I didn't know what it meant so naturally I started doing it two cars driving by until one stopped I ran away and hid in the garage while he told my mom later that week my dad brought it up while we were peeing next to each other at urinals out at a restaurant somewhere he said I should probably not do that anymore assault with bubble solution when I was growing up it was all boys on my street except for myself and a girl about seven houses down she was a total spoiled brat she would always invite me over to play but then wouldn't let me actually touch any of the toys I wanted to play with as soon as I touched something she'd say no I'm playing with that it's mine I was pretty timid as a kid so I tolerated it well one day when I was probably eight and she was seven I was playing with her and it was more of the same I'd finally had enough of her [ __ ] so I snapped and grabbed an open bottle of bubble solution quickly splashing the entire bottle on her she started screaming and crying in the middle of the road because it gots in her eyes I freaked out and ran to my grandma's and head shortly thereafter some repair guy showed up at my grandma's to fix her cable or whatever and casually mentioned man there's a little girl down the street just screaming bloody murder and my grandma gave me a look since she and I were the only girls on the street my grandma immediately knew who it was a knew that I was likely involved but my grandma never said anything else about it because she's old school and she didn't give a [ __ ] if I was beating up that bratty little girl because she had it coming I then proceeded to avoid the girl for the rest of my life when I was about six my brother friend and I had this five gallon water jug and for some reason we decided it would be fun to fill it with the nastiest concoction possible so we all took turns peeing in it put in some dirt doc Polk and even a few dead flies for good measure there was a house nearby where the people who owned it had yelled at us on a few occasions for playing by their backyard so we thought if they'd be funny to tip this jug over their fence so over it went and a lot of that disgusting slime went into their swimming pool so long story short the cops were called and we got a stern talking-to at seven or eight I would shoplift from Toy Stores I got caught once and attempted to run out of the store but was caught by some woman she got in my path and blocked me this guy processed me in the back taking my name and address got my mother to come down my father beat me mercilessly that night I used to also steal from my parents at every chance I had no amount of talking to beatings et Cie sunk in of course my parents never investigated the root cause they just yelled and beat years later in my teens I was arrested numerous times for grand larceny and even felony for securities fraud haven't stolen anything in 20 years now it's one of the few things I changed about myself for the positive stopping being a thief when I was nine we always played football at recess sometimes this one fat kid would join us and he'd always locked me even though he was the my team I asked him why and he said see you'll pass to me so in the middle of a game I got fed up and pushed him a bit he then pushed me back and called me gay which was the breaking point for little ol me and I pushed him to the ground and started wailing on him until I found a rock and threw at his face while still on top of him after looking back at what I had done noticing that his face was all cut up and his eye was bleeding I then proceeded to vomit all over his face and into his mouth which was how I won my first fight I even came home and to my dad that I beat a kid up he patted me on the back and gave me a sip of beer well this will probably remain buried but when I was in the fifth grade I had a cut on my middle finger well one day I was sitting in class inspecting my wound and thinking that it looked quite gnarly everyone is going to think I'm a badass I look up from my finger to see a girl across the classroom with a horrified look on her face I figure she was shocked by the brutal wound on my finger so I waved my finger at here and said yeah look at that it was only about 30 seconds later that I realized I was only holding up my middle finger and that she was horrified that I had so flagrantly flipped her off in the middle of class I was never punished but boy did I feel bad TL DR excitedly flipped off a fellow classmate [Music]

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Id: -hEPkElGfwE

Length: 32min 45sec (1965 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2019