Well Somebody Had to Do It

what was your well somebody had to do it moment in elementary school my class went on a trip to a campground nature reserve thing they took us on a tour and stopped around various plants to inform us about them when talking about one of the plants they told us that they didn't know whether or not they were poisonous i ate some it had no discernible effect on me i got sent home i did it for science that's how discoveries are made chose to make the phone call to my roommate's dad to tell him he died rather than having the police tell him i still feel horrible about it because i told him greg had a medical emergency his dad had to ask me did he die because i couldn't bring myself to say so had a similar thing my friend's dad had died of a heart attack and no one had been able to get a hold of him to break the news after several hours my phone was the only one to get through i was too much of a card to tell him what happened and just said you need to drop everything and go home right now you just need to go home new year's eve when i was around 14 years old at a friend's house with no parental supervision the older brother pulled out a quarter stick of dynamite to light off at midnight it was a cold michigan winter and so the smart thing to do was to open the door wall light the stick and throw it from inside the house well he dropped it lit on the floor after we stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity my soccer skills rushed in and i kicked it out the door it went about 10 feet and then exploded could have lost a leg but well somebody had to do it reminds me of the malcolm in the middle episode where he puts a grenade in the fridge at a kid's party i was the only adult not drinking and having a good time because there was a freaking pool with no fence around it i stood there watching it like a hawk while trying to act like i wasn't judging everyone everyone was surprised when i fished a four-year-old out of the water they all just stood there while i hopped in to get her my sister has a pool and every time they have a party where there will be kids they hire a lifeguard to watch the pool so that no one has to feel like they are carrying that burden in the five or so parties i've been to with that lifeguard there she has never had to even touch the water but the kids parents are always super appreciative that she is there this didn't happen to me but to my grandma she currently works as a bartender for the american legion and one day some random guy walks in and runs straight into the bathroom without saying a word to anyone after about 20 minutes he walks out goes to his car and leaves some other guy goes to the bathroom after him and runs out swearing like a sailor it turns out the mystery man that had just left had released the inner contents of his bowels all over the bathroom on the walls the floor the door everywhere he even left his crap soaked underwear sitting in the trash can next to the door so what does my grandma do she goes in there and cleans it all up by herself because nobody else wanted to do it a couple weeks later the same guy comes back my grandma recognizes him and perma bans him from the bar tl dr my grandma lean mean crap cleaning machine good for her for chasing that butthole out i work at a motel and the local police don't bother with our calls due to the fact that their priority is the airport and high-end hotels one night i was making my walk around picking up trash and making sure everything was sound and safe when i looked over to a window that had the blinds half open i saw a man holding a woman on the bed with his hand on her neck choking her and his other fist in the air she was fighting him off and i knew she was in trouble i dialed 9-1-1 and reported it only to be told we'll send someone as soon as we can which in this area means we don't care so i threw my phone in my pocket with the operator on the line and broke into the room and tackled the guy assaulting the woman down i secured his hands behind his back nearly dislocating his shoulder what i didn't see was the other four guys in the room they proceeded to pull me off and beat me half to death the woman tried to pull them off of me but to no avail after three broken ribs severe bruising to my lungs sides and face and a sprained wrist i hobbled back to my office after everyone including the woman had ran off leaving me bloody and injured on the floor of the room cops showed up five minutes after i had started bandaging myself up they asked why did you go in there and i swear to god the only thing i said was well he could have killed her and if you guys wouldn't show up someone else had to do it of course hr said that i strongly suggest you call an employment lawyer and get your bills covered you were protecting someone on their property and were assaulted on their property it will never go to court their insurance will settle for medical plus some suffering i accidentally signed up for a workshop on how to work with people who had cognitive impairments not many people sign up for these workshops and the instructors said they had an immediate need for another teacher at a school for young adults with severe cognitive impairments i was the only one in the room with a teaching certificate and i was only waiting tables at a time so i volunteered i ended up working at that school for a year before they found a permanent teacher i learned so much about humanity in that classroom you are good people leaving first from friends houses that moment when everyone is huddled at the front door pointless conversation hand on the doorknob i'll be ten feet down the drive clicking my doors open i don't know sometimes i'm that dude that writes correct answers on the book or the dude that erases the wrong answers on the book thank you unless you're also the guy that circles waldo in which case frick you reported my boss for harassment bullying and blackmail and being generally incompetent nobody else wanted to so i thought frickit my turn b and proceeded to make her life a misery older woman i would guess in her 70s came into the movie theater i work at and in the middle of the movie she went into the restroom crap her pants took them off walked out into the lobby wearing no pants with crap streaming down her legs leaving a trail guess which minimum wage worker had to clean it up oh man i'm sorry man someone i wasn't particularly friends with got way too drunk at my ex's house party and passed out in the bathtub he crap in the bathtub i pushed the crap down the drain with a spoon lost a part of myself at night and he still doesn't know he did it all joking aside you are a good person i wrote a suicide note for my sister her suicidal thoughts weren't being taken seriously by medical professionals and she needed proper care that sucked i was walking with a friend and came across a snake with its head smashed in but it was still alive slithering in sad little circles i begged my friend to put it out of its misery i love snakes and had never killed anything before that point but he was too queasy about it i had to stomp the thing to death and i cried the whole time i had to do that with a bird my dog fricked up but didn't kill i had to stand on it said i was 12 not fun when you're just a kid told friend of mine that he was being cheated on by his girlfriend a lot of people people knew and i hesitated to do it because she was friends with my girlfriend at the time but i remember a guy i knew that did the same thing for me when an ex was cheating on me while she was at college and i thought it was the right thing to do because i definitely appreciated it it made things a bit awkward for a bit but i don't regret it at all i was on a road trip with two friends and we stopped in pittsburgh for the night at holiday inn or some sort of similar chain we've been driving all day from the greater chicago area only stopping at shady filthy rest stops at pee and eating junk food in the car for meals so we check into this place which was nice for the price we paid and we're chilling out watching tv when at about 11 p.m all those spicy cheetas catch up with me so i head to the bathroom to do my thing at this point i should note that all three of us are splitting this hotel room one in one bed one in another and one on the fold-out couch but there is only one bathroom so i go in and i know it's gonna be bad i turn the exhaust fan on i crack the itty bitty window and i let it loose i'm telling you this was a crap for the ages it wouldn't stop i swear there was a foot and a half log coiled in that bowl with about four bags of cheetos four butterfingers and a six pack of mountain dew sitting on top of that the pile is out of the water after i'm finished sacrificing my sphincter to the porcelain god i'm standing there looking at this mountain of crap and i know it's not going anywhere but what can i do so i flush and what happens exactly what you'd expect as i'm watching the water level go up and up i rip the back of the toilet and grab the float and stop all water flow well crap what do i do no plunger no one at the front desk and there's no way three 20 year old guys can't have a toilet for 12 hours so i grab the thin plastic garbage bag out of the can put it on like a glove and shove that turd down so i'm up to my elbow in my own filth yelling at my friends to find a plunger and they're laughing hysterically at me and my improvised poo plunger so no help there finally i get the toilet to flush and i take the bag off my arm and turn it inside out tight in a knot and throw it back in the can in the morning i left a big tip on the dresser and we took off bonus i forgot my wallet so i had to go back to the scene of the crime and face the staff in all my shame tl dr used my arm as a plunger probably too late to the party but my friend and i were at a dollar store buying drinks an old man with what looked like parkinson's was ahead of us and a few people being served at the register but the clerk tallied up the items and the man put them back in his bag he brought before getting his money out the poor bloke didn't have enough money it broke my heart to see him try and figure out what to give back and not buy he ended up taking a lot out of his bag and was mumbling i ended up jumping the line and paying for the items afterwards he shook my hand and said thanks and it seemed like it was a struggle for him just to do that until i paid for his items he was there for a few minutes everyone else ignored him after i paid for the items my friend said it was a nice thing to do i asked if they would have done the same and they said no it changed my outlook that day whenever i see someone who needs help i always try and do what i can i was a lifeguard at a summer day camp one of the campers had autism spectrum disorder but it was mild enough that the camp allowed him to come one day he lashed out violently towards one of the councillors i was on my stand by the pool when my boss comes running over i don't remember what she she said i just remember turning to see the boy running for the hills and a counselor lying against a steel door he had thrown her against it i jumped off my stand and just ran after the kid cause i didn't know where he would go there was a couple acres of woods he could have run off to i'd catch up and stop him i got him to sit down and we just talked some of the other counsellors and staff started coming over but i waved them off because he said he would only talk to me i don't know why he responded to me and not anyone else i just made him comfortable eventually his mom picked him up and he never came back i don't remember a lot about him other than that i felt bad for him the kid was alone at least for an hour i think he felt like he had one friend we had this strange rule growing up where we weren't allowed to take shoots in my parents bathroom so i tried to time my shoots for when they weren't home nobody tells me where i can and can't crap nobody i just imagine you squatting on the table at dinner intensely looking everyone in the eye and pushing one out as you whisper nobody i was at a party where a girl was out on the balcony smoking a cigarette by herself out of the corner of my eye i saw a tall little flame go up and i thought wow that's an intense lighter flame it took me half a second to realize her hair was on fire so i ran out there and smacked that girl's head to put out the fire it turns out that she was very intoxicated and she singed her eyebrow hairs and some of her bangs the funny thing is that after i smacked her head and asked if she was okay she just went b i'm fine and kept smoking her cigarette my dad had announced that he was unhappy with his and my mom's marriage and that he was leaving a month and a half passed and he still hadn't left so i took things into my own hands my mom was still in love and emotionally broken and even though we all knew my dad was seeing someone mom didn't have the heart to tell him to leave already so i did i was 14 when i packed my dad's bags and told him to leave after that my mom became bulimic and started smoking like i had never seen her do before sure i had to step up and carry the weight my dad left behind but still i don't regret doing what i did on my school bus this kid got a really bad blood nose all his friends started laughing at him and this girl handed him paper as a joke to mop it all up so after about five minutes of deliberation of whether i should help him cause i was incredibly shy i finally decided to give him a packet of tissues i had i was bloody shaking as i did it and was so nervous cause i'm just like that it was a pretty proud moment for myself not that special good job tell a kid who kept following me and my friends around that we weren't friends that he was not part of the group and that he was no longer welcome to our lunch table at first we tried to include him but he kept trying to pick on one of the kids in group to assert dominance and carve a spot for himself in the group's hierarchy we found his blog at first we just ignored him and stopped inviting him when we hung out but when he showed up to our christmas party uninvited it was the last straw a drunk guy came over to my house the other day he stepped on one of our five-week-old kittens he crushed its lungs but it was still breathing i unfortunately had to be the one to put it down i haven't cried like that in a while that's so sad stop a guy from punching his girlfriend in a drunk rage at a central station in copenhagen once i stepped in a lot of other people followed my lead but only after i intervened fighting three guys at once to defend a very small pacifist i got my butt handed to me did i kick the crap out of one dude's testicles because frick rules that's why and frick bullies would do again fishing out a giant turd from the bath water after my 1.5 year old son cranked one out at the end of his bath tonight yes there was corn at least he did it in the bath rather than on the carpet who smeared carpet is my least favorite kind of carpet last week starting from sunday the 31st of march my female friend started having crazy abdominal pain we live on the campus dorms by wednesday night she was crying in my arms from the pain never seen her like that too i looked it up figured that it was probably an ovarian cyst or an appendicitis she didn't want to do anything about it the following night was worst she still didn't want to go to the air didn't want to skip work classes didn't realize she could get a serious infection and die the other guys we hung out with didn't get it either i woke them up and told them to give us a lift to the nearest hospital we pretty much had to drag her kicking and screaming by the time we were there it got worse i stayed alone with her held her while she was telling she wanted to die i skipped ridge and brought her to the air telling the doctors to help her write the frick now they hooked up on morphine it barely helped i spent the night with her i comforted her i had seen her suffer a lot before she's been raped beat on depressed traumatized she doesn't deserve this on top of it all i don't ever want to feel that helpless again i was almost unbearable saying her like that but there was no way i was leaving her alone diagnosis she had a 9.5 centimeters ovary insist i didn't even know that was possible she was operated last friday she's now home to her parents until the end of the week she's doing better she's very lucky you forced her to go to the hospital if it had ruptured it could very well have killed her i had one rupture last year and spent a week in the hospital with peritonitis it can be so dangerous reporting gay sexual assault over starting qb at my school i'm still paranoid that someone is still out to get me for it you are amazing high five mother this will be buried because i'm late to this but one time when i was still in college i saw someone standing in the middle of the sidewalk when everyone was headed to class they kept getting past and they weren't really looking at anything so it seemed odd i went back and it turns out they were blind i asked if they needed directions or help and she told me she was lost helped her get to the building she was looking for tl dr helped a blind person find the building they were looking for on campus i think i'm the only one who starts reading this kind of thing and automatically jumps to then we just clicked and i figured she would need help getting home from there so i stuck around she was so happy to hear me when she got out cheated a little and now we have three healthy grandchildren and we lived happily ever after i recently attempted suicide and came very very close to achieving that when people see me they often don't know how to respond so i take it upon myself by singing guess who's back back again someone has to break the silence right that is the perfect way to handle that situation i was about 12 or so there was an older kid who was a bully and a prick threatening about i want to say about 10 that it might have been about six younger kids my age or slightly younger prepubescent anyway we were a small enough group the older kid who was maybe around 16 was saying how he could take us all on we were too small our balls hadn't dropped he'd smash the first kid who tried anything etc halfway through his mocking rant i charged him i took a hefty punch to the face and was thrown over his shoulder but the other kids were right behind me i think he thought we'd be too cowardly to attack or that no one would be first and take a definite punishment i was in and out of that fight in 10 seconds but the bully got his butt severely handed to him told my friend's boyfriend he was cheating on him he was such a nice guy and didn't deserve to go through what my sociopathic friend was putting him through me and my buddy had a lot of mutual friends i don't talk to anymore because i guess i'm a snitch the two are back together sometimes i wish i never opened my mouth don't feel bad they are freaking idiots you did the right thing i want a friend like you punching this kid in the face my senior a year after he pushed my friend he was dating into a locker pretty freaking hard so i walked up and punched him directly in the face and snapped his nose i was 18 and he was 15. i had a teacher back me up saying i was reacting to a potentially dangerous situation well our frozen was turning into a dumping ground for elsa only and osana posts i created our enemy stair race i now have half of the fandom praising me as a god and the other half wanting to kill me that's fun you're god in grade 8 there was this girl who though it was totally okay to punch kick and sack guys because guys aren't allowed to hit girls after going through a year and a half of this i thought frickit and sparta kicked that b i kicked her hard enough to knock the wind out of her obviously i didn't mean to hit that hard but a guy can only get kicked in the bit so many times and i had literally zero repercussions the one teacher that saw didn't do anything because he knew what she did and a few guys high fives me while most chicks hated me i don't regret my actions and girls like that need to get their crap straight if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] so bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 119,858

Rating: 4.9573727 out of 5

Keywords: somebody had to do it, if you want something done right do it yourself, if you want something done do it yourself, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: RkKVRzHRiH8

Length: 21min 45sec (1305 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 31 2021