Twilight: New Moon and Eclipse - Cosmonaut Picture Show

hello everybody welcome back it's cosmonaut picture show that's what this yeah picture show that's what the show is called we are back watching more twee light movies this one's a new moon watching twilight new moon we're going to try to get multiple done in one go we might do eclipse top tier film these violent delights have violent ends [Music] it's westworld it's it's from shakespeare it's from west world okay oh it's shot better the the color grading is normal she's the same shirt on yeah but the color yeah that's her gas station shirt i've actually seen this one you've seen this one i've seen this one i thought you hadn't seen that i've seen this one and only this one because this would be the only one that you've seen i was in high school when these movies started coming out like i said i had to read the first book as a part older are you than me two years it wasn't that that doesn't it adds up so in freshman my freshman year the first movie was coming out and i had to read the book for a book report i re this is the first ever cosmonaut quickie i ever made i would do cosmonaut quickies in high school before it was i had cosmetic variety hour but like basically i would review movies and this is the first movie i ever reviewed that being said i don't remember a goddamn thing he looks a lot more evil in this it's not her grandma it's her oh she don't want to be old lady it's her nightmare he loves milfs sorry he loves gills yeah oh she was reading westworld hey the main character i love this guy why are we getting a book about edward well make a charlie book what would his book be called like what's the what's like the um nomenclature the dark side of the moon yeah dark side of the moon the charlie chronicles he's gotten the gas station shirt he's starting to develop her trait you have a fan on him like you know it yeah they do it's fast um it's it's decent okay he's like he's stupid [ __ ] sobbing in the corner this man comes up and slaps a girl's ass what do you do he looks like he's [ __ ] going to [ __ ] himself he's like contemplating his life choices over there bella wow love of my life she's in a parkour phase what was the plan uh go to italy provoked the voteury for what he's like by the way babe happy birthday we have a cult in italy that we that we follow he looks like like when high schoolers have like a 24 year old like boyfriend who works in the local auto zone that's what he spends all his time where he used to be a football player that's what he looks like he looks like he's sitting in on one of her classes he does not look like a student in this school i don't have anything else to be afraid of that's not true victoria she'll come you know what if someone burned you alive i would also bathe in your ashes oh yeah thanks ben can i have a while your blood oh there it is oh hell yeah oh [ __ ] can we clean this up bro you [ __ ] up my favorite carpet you're just gonna let her ruin our good rug we've had that for two thousand years okay we can bleach it do they always kiss like this they go you have to know how much his erection hurts him what is she doing i don't know is she scrapbooking just him i i suppose so damn i hate that he like violates her personal space constantly periodically breaks into her room just just to hang out and look around she's gonna take a walk with me to break up with her is he i think i remember he breaks up with her in this one oh she's she's got that she's got the hesitation like i'm about to get [ __ ] dumped are you gonna genuine sadness if you cry on picture show you'll be the first person to ever cry on picture show i can see them on you see the tears i'm not gonna toilets have made me cry bella [Music] i don't want you to come i don't want you to come that's i've heard that one before this is the last time you'll ever see me [Music] i won't come back this is a cool like cool start to a second book you know he's gone why did he pull her into the forest just be like um do it outside the house all right be like hey charlie would shoot him she looks like she's doing pretty well though should i she hasn't cried or anything no i kind of like she can't tell she doesn't know how to cry that good okay so here's the thing again it's a romance film so she can't do a good oscar-worthy ugly cry she can't be like because people want to see i want to still like [ __ ] her what the [ __ ] is that [Laughter] charlie what the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] are you she's all right why were you walking around the forest in your denim shorts he's also yeah he's like he's like what the [ __ ] charlie is just so confused this whole time you now that love island is cancelled this scene is you yeah this is also me during quarantine november [Music] do you not know this joke this is really funny this is kind of cool though i like cinematically i'm into this oh yeah [ __ ] you got to get like a nintendo switch or something oh they don't have switches get like a game boy sp i'm ruining all of your jokes cuz i keep going keep going [Music] god damn it could you please stop he's such a good dad god damn it i'm gonna have to get the shotgun eventually it's either me or her one of us gotta go out you're going to jacksonville live with your mother you're going to florida i can't deal with you no more get out of here go with your mom i love the last movie he was like he's like plea please don't leave me and this one he's like you need to get you need to get the hell out of my house why are there that many zombie movies anyway so it's supposed to like draw a parallel about leprosy my cousin had leprosy it's not funny you know she's like i'm gonna go she's like [ __ ] something if i get threatened by men again he might come out in a car dare i say this is a toxic relationship this is the stupidest idea she's ever had what is that she harry potter [ __ ] every time she goes to jerk off he appears and he's like that's a sin no stop jesus is watching i think she's realizing that like [ __ ] i've been sitting in my room for three months and i just wrote a motorcycle that is not what's happening she is she is trying to put herself in danger so she can see edward again i just think like that what i said makes more sense i get it i'm not right but what you said would be a rational thought process yeah that song's good you don't like it um i don't really like music anymore kind of okay [Laughter] he's like okay sure i don't like things [Laughter] they ordered a pizza this is like a healthy normal relationship oh that was a [Laughter] this is a very healthy and normal relationship i'm team jacob guys honey we need to get you some dick and soon hanging out with jacob that seems to take your mind off things a bit doesn't it damn he really is like just get a new boyfriend yeah him and it's cold oh yeah i don't know if he's oh my god this is really bad looking wow that looks horrible don't drive motorcycles they're for hoodlums stop this it's a [ __ ] motorcycle ghost edward chill out this is the [ __ ] kanye west music video bound to [Laughter] like five hikers when killed by some bear another killer bear this is ridiculous we could we could check out um love spelled backwards is love title but um it's it's a romantic comedy i mean it's supposed to be no i want to see bad boys too so she's just with them she's with two she's just hard to this this is the worst scenario she's going to be in the middle and they're both on the yeah yeah both of their arms yeah they're they're both like waiting to receive girl hand please deposit your hand the nearest and the nearest hand receptacle okay i i think i'm going to stop wow what a marshmallow [Laughter] i'm going to call people that's really [Music] she is solidly friendzoning him well i've got loads of time shark boy if i told a man hey i don't want anything i just want to be friends and he went i'll wait we would the friendship would be over yeah that's not gonna work bro i need to go home me too buddy yeah look at jacob's face what is your problem right now you're my problem he's kind of a dick you want me to put you in the hospital what what what with you oh he's turning wolf boy you made my peepee hard it's wolf and time one pulsing through [ __ ] must fight did he cut all his hair off he sure did what an l being a werewolf means that you only wear denim shorts and nothing else how about those filthy blunt suckers you love damn he's pissed come back to your emo boy [Music] man the voice hey hey pal why don't you come to the forest with us oh [ __ ] i'm sorry sorry for what they're uh they're gonna form a j.o circle in the woods i'm not good this is just the hulk and black widow i'm not good i'm bad you can't break up with me they weren't even together hey guys i'm on my way her field is dead my field it's it's symbolic of as she ages her womb becoming barren with time and there's nothing to fill it that's my what the [ __ ] i got black people need you he [Laughter] i already don't feel anything so go ahead yes she's like i'm depressive [ __ ] so i don't believe it yeah boy the wendigo i can't believe it it looks like [ __ ] this is supposed to be a werewolf and laurent would have told her sure you can just dude it's just hungry i cannot stand that this is his costume now if a girl [ __ ] touched my abdomen in that way and then oh hey what are you doing [Laughter] out of the cage but i mean freaking lose it shirt on star wars music's playing of that lady making out with the wolf when wolves greet they will want a lick inside your mouth this is perfectly normal for them and this is what they do to one another on a daily basis if you guys are upset about how sexual these videos have been it's twilight we can't really control it got a vampire to kill him he's the vampire hunter i wanted yeah team jacob i know her she's kind of cool this is this movie's not really that bad i'm kind of into the story line i hate that i don't hate this [Music] don't do this i'll tell you what to do edward listen there's a lot of weird [ __ ] happening i don't really think i can take it anymore [Music] sometimes this movie just looks so [ __ ] funny really something i have to ask you are there charlie fanfictions like like uh charlie x reader or like i want charlie vampire hunter ayu hold on i want to take that vampire this one's called dad energy by just some [ __ ] here's your shout out tagged non-canon relationship light hair pulling pink can someone write me a fanfiction of um vampire hunter charlie i'll commission someone to write it for you as like an anniversary present thank you yeah jesus christ alice i read all your emails they were really [ __ ] weird bella what is that god-awful wet dog smell they think the werewolves smell like [ __ ] or they're gonna make out eat get it no why is he crying okay so he just called and he's like where's oh so he thinks that bella is dead got it because yeah he's going to the voltory he wants to die too with juliet now it's this is literally the plot of romeo and juliet stephanie meyer you're a hack alice is like get your stupid-ass dog arm out my [ __ ] car she does like the like the parasite this like the beginning of the movie i lied i answered you believe me so easily that's just like a abuse tactic yeah sorry that was a big red flag i just heard right there i think i liked this one because i didn't see this so much i love her that was kind of hot the old elevator they're going to a convention when you're the only cosplayer in the hotel elevator i don't hate this it's really dumb but like it's fine i can't believe i got you to like twilight god she can't act at all oh my god you're a horrible actress let us be done with this he's like god i hate teenagers i'm so [ __ ] old [ __ ] out of my house you guys are to wrap this up my wife's gonna be home any minute leaving you was the hardest thing i've done in 100 years yeah the hardest thing i've done since i was eight because [Laughter] i hate this movie my boy didn't get even one smooch is this guy bothering you queen i think you dress like [ __ ] i think you dress like [ __ ] i'm sorry this is like a normal [ __ ] dog he's so sad i'm gonna go have sex with my bro so i'm not sad anymore donald trump tweeted robert pattinson should not take back kirsten stewart she just cheated on him like a dog he will do it again just watch he can do much better now i know officially this is past the point where i know you know nothing about i know this movie [ __ ] um i haven't seen it in a very long time so i it'll be great why'd they change edward's actor what the [ __ ] is he fighting a [ __ ] ghoul this guy's getting his full paycheck you know i've got an english final oh yeah she's still in [ __ ] high school she's like god i'm so horny she's like reading real life statistics so she doesn't want to get married like she's hesitant about it because she's afraid of divorce and i think it's so funny because this [ __ ] wants the immortality and she wants to be a boss independent [ __ ] afterwards i can't stand this woman for the whole last movie the white woman extinction button yes for the whole last movie she was like i will [ __ ] kill myself if you don't come back here turn me to a vampire and [ __ ] me she's completely lost me as of this point forward the fact that she she she ran us through all that [ __ ] in the last movie and now she's like yeah i don't want to get married though she's just she's afraid of what other people will think which is unfortunately like a lot of her character motivation is like being afraid of other people think about her hence like she doesn't be older than edward she's not afraid that people will fight but see that she's a [ __ ] vampire she's gonna ditch everyone when she's a vampire so why does she care i like how charlie's plot in every movie is god damn it there's another serial killer like every three months my friends keep dying i can't take it no more i'm gonna get this damn bear if it's the last thing i do it was a joke before but this man actually thinks that a bear has been going around and killing people for the past two years and that is the funniest [ __ ] in the world to me edward went to florida yeah that's not against the vampire geneva conventions or whatever that's why you sound outside right now with them as someone who lives in florida i there is feasibly no way to avoid the sunlight um they could this is officially the dumbest thing this movie has tried to pull this [ __ ] is still a threat yeah sure where they didn't catch her last time these two look miserable together at all times she looked happy when she was with jacob he's just saying he was a momentary distraction team jacob what these boys are so [ __ ] funny she won't be getting through our line anytime soon have you imprinted on someone yo i am print all over my girl's titties i'm not gonna that was funny you should have don't be a [ __ ] i'm not gonna get that one out i am print all over my girl's titties every day he is uh very rude at times it's his um woven sensibilities coming out an aggressive way and definitely not weird writing that the white woman wrote the brown man to be the aggressive uh rental possessive one the dark-skinned man the man that she is tempted away from her white husband with oh oh is this edward oh wait oh it's this guy who got bit in the beginning not charlie if he like tries he tries to drink his body's like how much beer do you drink doesn't he own a shirt if i like if i was trying to steal someone's girlfriend this is a very aggressive way to do it this is also a very aggressive way to mark your territory but you know what everybody in this situation is very juvenile i don't give a [ __ ] anymore i mean it's the first time seth lee and quillow hear him too but you are the first outsider ever ever it's kind of a big deal babe i had to beg them i think please suck my dick please it's like please man please ma'am please [ __ ] suck my [ __ ] our warriors came across a creature we came across some strange ghoul we called it a white person you need to hear the truth bella she's heard all the truths buddy it ain't sticking just give it up that i'm in love with you all right anyway well let's uh let's move on yeah i don't feel that way for you i don't buy it jacob you're really losing me buddy you feel something else for me you just won't admit it jacob here you lost me ew she doesn't even get you wanted a jacob kiss there's your jacob kiss i kissed bella oh hell yeah buddy let's go isn't she lovely john i told you she was a lover stephanie meyer has a few this is people showing out their animal crossing characters they're like saved voice for last i would know i was coming hell yeah my [ __ ] i've seen rosalie said all cops are bad this is pretty sick god i was a little theatrical back then what a queen that that's that's why can't we just have a movie about a cool character some of these guys some of these actors are just screaming stunt man to me yeah it's pretty funny imagine you're like a thousand years old and you choose to make your hair look like that you believe we're an hour into this movie already you should be happy this one's kind of a dragon actually i thought that we were nearing the end of this one what really here it's still the beginning oh they are training i'm so into this movie when bella's not on screen it's pretty good you think like one of them would learn like kung fu or something or just be the strongest [ __ ] ever instead they just run at each other and slap each other around and throw each other against walls they're going to do some weird horny start [ __ ] see they're doing weird [ __ ] take this seriously sir that [ __ ] picture of her patting uh taylor lauter's head where he's just that's what's happening he's like did you just pet him bro stop getting pet by my girlfriend mr steal your girl i'm out [ __ ] what he means is that your son will mask mine if you carry me done he's like oh okay you want to ride this baby girl that's okay i'll be your stinky doggie i thought he's gonna turn it don't know what's funnier though so manipulative to her he's not great i take it back i'm not team jacob anymore they're gonna cuddle yeah sure we don't have a bed what are we gonna do they just stand there now they like hang upside down from the ceiling oh you said that you wanted me to have every human experience not one supporter is killing you my [ __ ] will tear you open my dick is gonna is gonna go so far up that that it's gonna it's gonna hit you and then and then in your ear and then now this part is really funny hold on does he get the dog to keep her warm this is so [ __ ] funny let's face it i am hotter than you jesus christ can you at least attempt to control your thoughts he's like i'mma think about [ __ ] your girl that just like purposefully just like imagining just like plowing her you know that's what he's doing if you weren't planning on sucking the life out of the girl i love why do you love her do we have a reason as to why he's into bella besides like a uh this is thing i just they just hung out for like a few months together sorry to every guy i friend zoned i guess if this is how you're feeling what can i do you can't do anything honey you can't have them both what is with these [ __ ] people all right i've he's lost me completely he's the worst character in twilight he's worse than her kiss me [ __ ] edward is like five feet away be like we just got engaged two nights ago you know i take it back i am team jacob they deserve each other wait i can't have two boyfriends and be married what the [ __ ] it's like he just watched all that you guys done over there i'm seeing some problems with getting involved with a 17 year old girl i think she may not be emotionally mature enough for me what he punched his head off yeah god this is all i wanted finally a cool scene [Applause] [Music] i can read her mind so i know what she thinks of you he's lying she only created you and this army too this james feud has is like the dumbest subplot i really don't care oh god i changed my mind oh [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is this i didn't know they're aware [Laughter] my monkey man that was like a [ __ ] mortal combat kill if they didn't have this like crystalline you know i think it's kind of cool biology thing this would be the most violent series oh yeah very convenient that he's not affected by her blood anymore yeah they're coming so we were watching the events of this movie and we're not impressed the last one was more interesting hoods off [ __ ] she always looks like she doesn't know where the [ __ ] she is yeah hey i should probably tell you i'm breaking up with you he's not as perfect as you think he's pretty i think he might be yeah actually he's perfect i don't know there's nothing wrong with that word i can't stand either of them they're they're teetering between being the worst characters for me he's making the story worse i wonder how this one's going to end did this one start with her 18th birthday or the other ones with her 18th birthday the other one this one started with them in this exact field the end that was the end of twilight well that was the second chunk we did it that one sucked that one was not fun um we we're probably gonna have to watch the last few and then 50 shades of grey which is twilight fan fiction time did you know that did you know that 50 shades of grey's twilight fan fiction that the author stole the fan fiction from like a bunch of different authors and put it in her own book and then changed the names and then [Music] um oh

Channel: The Cosmonaut Variety Hour

Views: 2,401,656

Keywords: New moon, eclipse, cosmonaut picture show

Id: q0DtKvf6Has

Length: 30min 3sec (1803 seconds)

Published: Wed May 20 2020