Pinocchio a True Story - Cosmonaut Picture Show

let's go to boat Great Adventures await see you later my dear Geppetto all right Dan you may wonder why I've uh someone do here today we played Pokemon uh we were playing Pokemon I told you we might you know record Another Transformers episode um but I lied to you we're gonna watch something better maybe we are watching Pinocchio a true story a true story you could just say that on anything huh the most important thing right here in this movie is the the audio the story I'm about to tell you it's a true story see there's something a little different nowadays about a lonely old man making a life-size doll of something I think this movie is from another country and they sent it over to us because you notice the words aren't matching the mouth right personally I find his appearance rather dull what you could have made a more joyful and intelligent puppet what the [ __ ] what you're probably the only talking horse in the world what but I don't think it gives you the right to criticize this fine word yeah he's kind of being an [ __ ] first of all second of all what also I think this is Tom Kenny Mr pero we just wait till you hear Pinocchio's voice these artists can be so sensitive you were just being kind of a dick for no reason I fixed your wand thank you very much Jupiter my dear old friend you truly are exceptionally gifted as are you this actress this is what this is what made me notice the movie should we surprise our dear old friend if you don't know what voice you want to do for the pain but you can do a voice of parrot character start doing an accent but you don't know what accent you're gonna do whoa here we go alive [Music] why does it sound like Nick Kroll who would you say it was I think it's Paulie Shore probably sure yeah okay it sounds like probably sure what do you think made them choose this I don't know I think that they thought no one would literally nobody would watch this Pinocchio a true story I'm still not so sure about that yep it's Polly short why do I feel like I'm playing a video game this is like boss fight music [Music] mouth not moving at all I wish I had more stuff to say I just can't it's just we're in shock at all watching this don't hurt yourself yeah don't worry I can't hurt myself you told me I was made out of high quality material why why God greetings my good gentleman my name is Geppetto may I ask who I am speaking with today he came to your door yeah say who are you yeah hello who are you saying it like you walked into his office what if this was like a stranger danger PSA yeah Japan was supposed to go door-to-door yeah he's supposed to identify himself as as a sexual sex offender oh he hasn't done that that's why he introduced himself when he opened the door yes it's okay Dad don't worry even if they find me I can always pretend to be a tree stump Father tell me when can I leave to be on my own what holy Shore his adults man voice coming out of this twinkish wood body come on tippo let's see what it was following shorts sounds like an alien who never really learned English it's like it really is like Tommy Wiseau level of like inhuman dialogue guns shot enough with the shooting already we have important matters to discuss our last few shows barely voice acting how about this Tom seriously thinks someone is willing to pay to be shot at I didn't think I had the talent to be a voice actor but uh this this really shows you you can do anything oh man I thought that was gonna be more comedic you better stop hoping that you better stop thinking that in this movie why does my father want me to stay home all the time tibble how many different ways has he said to Tybalt to the ball yeah you're probably right but you know what about my I can't take his voice I've never heard this much Paulie Shore in one sitting [Music] the problem he said it's not our problem it's like dude I really don't care if we interfere it will mess up the time history it's Pinocchio she's meant to Die Here Pinocchio every single character in this looks like an Instagram game ad it does Mamma Mia it wouldn't Buy [Laughter] him he said talking wooden puppet he's a monster we have a [ __ ] talking cat with a gun and he says oh my goodness a magical talking puppet he looks like a Psychonauts character it's made of wood are you just happy to see me why don't you do us all a favor and keep those hands of yours to yourself of course is needlessly aggressively yeah I really thought he's gonna say you should kill yourself now they call me senor manjo folko but for you just Papa jafu I'm sorry both of those names are hard to remember yeah please I'll go to the city I'll do one performance and I'll be back home I would never believe a word this guy says everything he says he says sounds like he's being sarcastic father can I go to grad Venture I totally will be back by nine look he's got a little Hatsune Miku figure that would be that one turned in that would be like the 21st century I think this is the most upsetting looking movie I've ever seen yeah are they already being booed I never before seen one of a kind this is this is how Italians what is this cacophony oh yeah they are booing why would you pay to go to the circus show up and then just start booing [Music] that wasn't funny or cool boo their asses shoots a child in the audience [Music] I want my money back why are they booing him the first thing was lame the second thing was cool I don't get it huh people aren't happy you can say that again buddy the world's one and only unique talking puppet [Music] Pinocchio [ __ ] you Pinocchio Odessa was like a wooden boy this sucks what is that blockhead what he's speaking oh it's the same exact sequence from the beginning I remember because you focused on it very much the first time oh God that was a [ __ ] what the [ __ ] that was an elder brick enemy [Music] I'm free just watch me fly for you this is like an opening of Kingdom Hearts the except the voice acting's better this is the the most coherent English we've heard that's the same shot yep it was it absolutely was known by just a few I was playing the music I love that this is very clearly a piano this is a piano song there's a guy on drums a violin and a horn everything about this movie is wrong it's like uncanny valley for every sense that the humans have for my ears my eyes my brain you're too kind I'm actually not brave at all I just practice a lot I'm gonna practice that line a little bit more whenever I have I play like an old jrpg where like there's no like like there's no voice acting I imagine that most of the characters sound like what she sounds like I need you to come with me to the ancient cave so we can defeat the dragon yes oh God okay Pinocchio circus I want that poster what a beautiful town is this that OverWatch map this does look like that OverWatch map yeah I realized she is the most beautiful thing it's a good thing those are noise canceling curtains it's better to regret things you've done than regret things you've never tried I don't know if that's supposed to be Pinocchio's lesson yeah just try it Pinocchio don't just do [ __ ] no absolutely no Jiminy Cricket moral grandstanding it is just bro just do you she looks like she never has a thought in her head at all head empty who's there [Laughter] but no butts get out leave I don't even like you this is the worst Trope ever by the way yeah get out of here you stupid dumb animals monsters really took a deep dip in this season three it does look like a b Stars character it's because he has hands and it's a fog and hair like like human hairstyles isn't this just that James Corden character from cats honestly yes this is another movie we gotta watch when you're editing that you're gonna see my smile go away right when you finished saying that you want to see something that's far from normal look carefully he's gonna [ __ ] drown today you've got me rejected I don't want to be one of a kind I want to be like everyone else that doesn't mean anything when there's cat people excuse me but that's not necessarily oh my God it's him one of the clowns I know was told by another clown that there is a fairy who lives by a mountain we're adding fairies now this is very specific stuff to know from a clown who knows a clown so Pinocchio now knows this offhand by three clowns the only way to deliver this information was for a clown to be told by another Cloud so one clown said something and then another one said something but the real clown here is you Pinocchio because you believe that holy [ __ ] that was [ __ ] [ __ ] clown that was brutal ah stop being such a coward I'm not a coward I'm just cautious you're the one who said you just go do [ __ ] it doesn't matter what happens to you oh my god oh what the [ __ ] this cat has no chill he doesn't he just wants to just pull the blicky out oh my God good lore oh my god oh [ __ ] Devil May Cry [ __ ] I always knew those circus freaks were up to no good enough already to bolt he does say his name different every time it's a bolt tibolt Tipple he already kind of looks like a human they didn't make him wooden boy enough well the nose is supposed to be a big part of what defines him as a puppet yeah and it looks unnatural the most inhuman thing about him is his voice [Music] awesome oh god oh no I wonder if like in its original language this movie is a masterpiece of course I've noticed that you are a puppet notice remember this the best miracles in this life always happen without any help from us fairies what language is that about that old saying it shouldn't be too hard for you to perform a small miracle and turn our Pinocchio here into a real boy I don't feel like it the hubris of this horse he's so annoying I feel like this movie would be so much better without this horse do you even understand what's happening I don't no I'm trying really hard but no I don't understand what's happening every person in this movie is like a different version of a wrong person it's so weird this is the movie That Never Was we're gonna record this whole thing tomorrow morning you're gonna wake up that file is going to be corrupted yeah and this movie never existed yeah no you let that puppet go just for one reason to get back in [Music] I forgot it if I was watching this alone I think it would like have gone crazy I'd be in the sunken place I've never lost my mind it is he's on patrol [Laughter] [Music] well there sure is a lot of dialogue about lying in this movie that should be about lying it's a true story not a lie story why is Pinocchio not a liar one job Geppetto I decided to come visit you so I came to this jail cell Mr Geppetto just picked up Pinocchio and she started slamming at the wooden walls it's like Pinocchio I'm sorry I need to take your finger off and Whittle it into a shank I'm so sorry little one I swear I've never wanted any of this to happen sure you haven't I know you were the reason Pinocchio decided to come back oh my god there are no heroes in this movie he has no mercy he tells it like it is he's honestly laying it down she should be she's too complicit with the crimes of her family I'm just saying nobody's sinless here this is like the Departed no he's gonna get shot in the head at the end right you is that handkerchief full of wind chimes Mission Pinocchio we have to do something we can't let them get away with it we don't have to kill them we're gonna have to kill them to get out of here Pinocchio this is how you become a real boy and by a real boy I mean a man sometimes you have to take a life me prepared a little song for you to enjoy oh God Polly don't sing you would never ever remember no that Paulie Shore's first language is English [Music] this before he opens all the doors he wants and hides behind the coat does it rhyme he's behind the coat the cat the fox are guilty and Manziel foco is their boss I hate that we just now know what his crime is yeah we've had the whole movie being told he's a bad guy you're supposed to establish that first you're gonna get arrested it I love his somber walk up it's like when the captain in Titanic walks up to this walks up to the [ __ ] steer you stupid puppet all right everybody just walk away everybody just everybody make way it's a fire put on plan when I thought of the you know the fairy tale of Pinocchio I remember my favorite scene where the villain grabs a hostage with his gun yeah please let's stay here stay here no go back that way what's happening why is he swinging what's going on [Laughter] just leave him there somebody left this hey everybody lose their site oh wait he's in the hell he looks less human she's the Scarlet Witch why do I feel pain yeah she is the Scarlet Witch she can rewrite reality a real and look at that they're all arrested the problem is over [Music] great now Bella would you show us your handkerchief why does this need to be why was it in her pants where did you get this I got it from some [ __ ] clown on the side of the road hey bring my jofoko over here did you [ __ ] my wife I never found you I just bought you little girl from someone who kidnapped you from your parents that is so why not just be the guy who kidnapped I bought you I bought you fair and square someone else that we don't see who kidnapped man you gotta spend money to make money and this guy this guy never said at any point he never happened why is this the ending of the movie the greatest detective of all time I forgot I even had a daughter this is the most bizarre movie we've watched and we've seen robots humping people are you sure I am Temple go risk your life for me to uh we practice every other part of the show but not this one oh oh [ __ ] hey guys thanks for watching the video I hope you all liked it now I know there haven't been a lot of videos lately and that's because me and the Cosmonaut crew are moving to a new city that's why my house was a mess in this video okay it's it's actually always a mess you know that but we plan to have an actual set for picture show soon so give me a break all right I'm working on it I mean I'm recording this in a hotel room right now I'm very stressed and overworked but I'm doing it for you guys okay I'm still trying to squeeze out videos here and there while I move so just be a little patient with me oh and this is also a reminder that you can watch the full commentary track for this movie and all our other picture show episodes on our patreon just five dollars a month and you get access to everything we've ever commentaried in fact here are all the lovely patrons that help make this constantly demonetized show possible but yeah thanks for watching thanks for being patient and uh bye [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: The Cosmonaut Variety Hour

Views: 1,093,140

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Id: XR78NzqS5lI

Length: 21min 17sec (1277 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 18 2022