Transformers - Cosmonaut Picture Show

welcome everybody to cosmo picture show today we are watching cars are you doing the fortnite emote this has been much requested we've seen these i've seen some of these i've seen one can you do your best transformer noise yes before time began there was the cube okay i was a playstation guy myself please warning these movies are kind of racist oh yeah aren't these movies like war propaganda yeah like to get you to recruit this is what everybody was scared of with the whole monster hunter thing war looks fun bro yeah world it's great i'm going to war yeah at war you take showers with your bros play some basketball go to the pool talk the little children that you're bombing i want to see one of the funnier transformers like show up to some lady's door and tell her that her husband overseas died tragically the [ __ ] bumblebee comes up and he's like i feel good have your crew step out or we will kill you have your crew step out or we will kill you we'll shoot this is that official military jargon surrender or you will be killed after surrendered files are in the computer the files oh he's got a pr he's got a protected little afghanistan child who i guess was just doing chores for the americans yes volunteer hours for high school heroes which one is this soldiers don't die this is uh this is smash mouth i expected like a like a 90s movie like musical why are michael bay characters so [ __ ] sweaty it's all the lens flare it just it heats them up so fast just a [ __ ] laser it's like microwaving people like metal gear which is why by the third film they're completely brain dead this card check it out i don't know boss i've never seen it that's not cool don't go okay so i'm noticing a trend all the hispanic characters are i speak spanish and nobody respects me do you think the transformers knew about pacemakers when they arrived yeah they just stopped bernie mac's heart or they're just like completely unaware that they're probably killing tons of people with electromagnetic pulses all the time everyone that is visited by a transformer gets cancer and dies not unlike michael bay casting you in a movie yeah look at these college students oh wait are they like no they're warp pentagoners pentagoners and the only real lead we have so far is this sound you guys you guys assume that's your young people's music do you guys know this guy is that lincoln park the president has dispatched battle groups the president battle crews military targets i love the idea of military men who work for the pentagon saying [ __ ] like battle troops and kill we sent out our battle troops to kill the enemy this is the most unique looking okay we've got some unique looking characters well because we have to you know this is our like we've got the smart guy the white main character black funny dude yeah black funny guy who says like oh hell no and then yeah the mexicans wait what was that he's climbing a tree why did he just do that because he's having fun if my wingman's plan is this your ass is not getting a girlfriend are you are you new to school this year it's your first year is she being condescending or is she not good at acting it looks like oh god it looks disgusting i'm sorry yes her [ __ ] glistening sweaty tummy what's it about car movies that are like orange and wet oh he's doing the music thing yeah bumblebee's a is a better wingman than that [ __ ] flip-flop guy so bumblebee just really wants people to [ __ ] inside of him i didn't like saying it i feel like i got microwaves i like this head cannon that michael bay microwaves his that's what his name's short for micro microwave why is there a boombox well you know secretary of defense loves his boombox he loves the sheer irony of having something called a boombox what the [ __ ] nobody noticed that [ __ ] robot could have done better maybe if you weren't like a dumb ass slow-ass sand robot it's an emergency pentagon call i need you this is an emergency pentagon 9-1-1 give me the pentagon look at the military i think the only the only movie i've seen that has done the michael bay spin around effectively was the movie parodying it in hot fuzz [Laughter] twist it a little more towards the cat thank you i gotta get the lens flare off of it oh him yeah our funny a new funny black guy shut up grandma the washington redskins lanyard that's outdated now a lot of things in this movie are i saw an ipod in like the first shot probably a penalty two gigabyte sd card worthless worse than garbage oh i know this one this is um this is dr [ __ ] yeah doctor [ __ ] do we finally get to see some [ __ ] transformers in this movie what how how long are we in and we're seeing a transformer fight a transformer oh what happens if a transformer transforms or the person still inside they do it in this he ejects them out and catches him but like i feel like that's a choice that's like a personal choice of the transformer yeah no they could he could consume the body i think it's like also like highly sexual and they have to like be like we can't do it guys like optimus prime was like i know how it's like looking good it is but you cannot do it we still i was excited because i thought we were gonna see transformers fighting each other and no we're still just driving around we're still just driving around that little one that came out of him the little one's called skull [ __ ] doctor [ __ ] doctor [ __ ] [ __ ] his trusty sidekick skull [ __ ] if if i was rolling around with this creature i would instantly be killed by yeah some partner you wouldn't even be trying she's fighting blade with blade she just killed him you talked to the radio [Applause] you're wonderful you're welcome oh keanu reeves from the 2020 game award yeah what are you like an alien or something let's look for that one he's like oh my god uh oh no they're gonna wait they could see up there did they fly here they fly here every time it's funny every time oh [ __ ] not again what the [ __ ] landed on a kid i'm sorry these things weigh so many tons they can't sneak around yes i can you would hear they tip tough okay you're right yeah that was fast he's really playing it he's playing it up for this one he can transform really fast but he wants to show off yeah that one that last time he did it he did a fraction of production a lot of money when he did the last fraction of a second my name is optimus prime you're watching toonami oh i forgot he has lips yeah no they're terrible i hate that i forgot about that what's cracking little [ __ ] oh it's cracking little [ __ ] this looks like a cool place to kick it you know it's so bad we don't make movies like this anymore and you know what this is why we're watching this in black history month because of jazz transformers you already know your guardian bumblebee bumblebee is really weird we don't like him very much we prefer jazz honestly which is surprising but it's true he's gotten wetter and greasier sorry my bad see in the in the lore of transformers these guys are like [ __ ] antifa super soldiers but now they're acting like bad pets humans only have about 35 degrees yeah of vision it's like a murder eye it's like a metal gear solid sight cone we can only see it if a robot does move fast enough through that sight cone it's okay we can't see it they're robots in disguise damn even when they're not oh god no oh it is chernobyl that's because he's all he's like greasy and [ __ ] he's irradiated last night at the station you told the officer your car transformed that's the name of the movie it always looks like he wants to kiss them put your [ __ ] face mask on what no you don't do this were they crawling into his folds oh yes his bone folds very safe very safe folds let's go guys he's got no ir signature where'd he go wait why would they have an infrared signature how did you lose him i thought because he transformed but no he's just hiding he's tiptoed away he's so good at tiptoeing he's so good at hiding just be a car i have a built-in stealth feature why are you doing the spider-man gag i feel like this happens to bumblebee in a lot of movies bumblebee has to be taken prisoner because bumblebee has to be just tied up he's baby this [ __ ] police brutality scene a bumblebee the transformer what about bumblebee you can't just leave him to die bumblebee is a brave soldier this is what he would want let bumblebee be tortured he's a brave soldier bumblebee literally can't tell them [ __ ] it does not matter he's our strongest soldier because he cannot literally is physically will be painful but he cannot physically give us off he cannot break should we go say bumblebee he can't [ __ ] talk what's the point oh they just had him here he's got long fingers long beautiful nails i like megatron's acrylics megatron using his iphone just hearing that clackity clash is he [Laughter] you've got to respect the japanese they know the way of the samurai oh my god this movie is racist hey uh is optimus coming back to get me he would never leave me behind that many times what okay what's wrong okay god this movie is so long yeah i feel like we're not halfway through it what are these out what are these ridiculous shots these are commercial shots like not even for a film these are for like a super bowl commercial why are there shotguns in glass cases i bet they're loaded too yup this is the [ __ ] library and they've got flame throwers and shotguns yeah why do they have these megan fox beat the [ __ ] out of this robot on her own and a room full of like pentagon soldiers can't kill it with guns what the [ __ ] in her clean dress what is this shot no matter what happens i'm really glad i got in that car with you which time ah is there an in-canon reason that the decepticons are happy with identifying themselves as decepticons which is clearly a very negative word like how do you truly believe in your cause and be like we are our decepticons we are the clan of murder liars we believe our cause is just keep moving what am i supposed to think about that they don't even call the robots robot yeah they learn their names they call them one they call them by their names oh my god whoa miraculously nobody died oh no no baja blasted hang on it's okay bumblebee and girl have finished their job he learned from his decepticon he learned from his friends how to disguise himself to climb a tree he's hiding disgusting oh my god semper fi soldier no man left behind god i'm sick of seeing that i don't want it anymore sick of seeing [ __ ] planes i was saying before i'm like i want to see robots fighting this is too much it's too much of it this is two and a half hours [ __ ] if that works why don't they just do that why wasn't that the original plan if optimus was just like [ __ ] no we needed that sam that was epic dorito if only mountain dewbot was here leaving no evidence you don't just do that sleeping with the vicious megatron he'll never come back from this wait are they [ __ ] on bumblebee i wish to stay here with the boy for reason they all watched they're all here for no that's so uncomfortable can you imagine e.t make watching you make out with your girlfriend with his homies we will protect you don't mind us well that was transformers one we'll probably watch the next ones maybe next up transformers three yeah wait a minute amazon amazon's telling no no no don't watch it amazon's telling us just to watch the third one [Music] bumblebee stop lubricating the man

Channel: The Cosmonaut Variety Hour

Views: 1,995,249

Keywords: Commentary, Transformers

Id: Tfaggvf21NQ

Length: 16min 12sec (972 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 24 2021

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[u/AlexzMercier97]

I love Cosmonaut's channel!