[ Scary music plays ] -Looking for better rates? -Jesus. -You know you won't find them. With State Farm's Rate Match, even if you do find cheaper
coverage, we'll just match it. [ Smooches ] -This is my house,
and I want him gone. He is not a good neighbor! -Get your finger out of my face! -Save even more when you
bundle home and auto. ♪♪ -At Southwest Airlines,
we pride ourselves on a smooth flying experience. -But over the holiday season,
we messed up. Our system collapsed, and thousands of flyers
were left stranded, and you understandably
screamed at us for days on end, even more than you usually do. -And, sure, we lost
$800 million in revenue and are being investigated
by the FAA. -Which is why, this year, we are dedicated
to making things right with a better, more modern
Southwest experience. -For starters,
we are finally upgrading our entire communications system to 2008 Dell computers. -That's right.
We are saying bye-bye to those 2002
IBM ThinkPad laptops with the little red nipple
in the middle. -Also, no more missing baggage
at baggage claim, guaranteed. -From here on out, all luggage
will be sorted by color. -That makes it
your responsibility, not ours. -So, if you're going to Dallas,
bring a red suitcase. -Don't show up with a blue bag. Blue bags go to Charlotte. -And make sure to get
to the airport early to enjoy our new
Southwest Premiere Lounge, located inside
an active Starbucks. We just get there early and hold down two
or three tables for y'all. -Southwest is also modernizing our entire
air traffic control network. -No more pen and paper. Our air traffic specialists
will now be using our old IBM ThinkPad laptops with the little red nipple
in the middle. -Now I get a proper
flight schedule instead of finding out where I'm
going 15 minutes before takeoff. -And now we're
streamlining check-in by not having one at all. -We're just trying
to fill up the plane and go. -You showed your ticket
at security, right? You good. -We're also upgrading
our in-flight staff strictly with people who
used to work at Waffle House. So come at them if you want, but these big bitches
don't play. -Here at Southwest, mistakes
were made, and that's on us. Mostly.
Some of it's on you. -Hey, man, let's keep it real.
You bought the ticket. -Again, you bought
a Southwest ticket. You obviously don't respect
yourself, so why should we? -Thank you.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
-For flying Southwest. -Welcome aboard. -Southwest Airlines. If it's that important to you,
just walk. -As a homeowner, you never
know what's going to go wrong. -I wanted to give them a bath. -Luckily, State Farm
has you covered no matter what the issue. And with the State Farm app,
you can file a claim in seconds so you can get back
to your life. -Wow, that was easy. Thanks, Jake from State Farm. -Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there. -Guess I won't be late
for work after all. [ Chuckles ]
-One more thing. Is this dryer-safe? [ Laughter ] -Bye, hon.
-Have a great day. Hey, do you want
a cup of coffee? -I'd love one. -No matter what
your insurance needs, State Farm has a policy for you. -Hello? -Aah! -Oh, Jake from State Farm. You're still here. -Well, unlike other
insurance companies, State Farm's here for you 24/7. -Right. Uh, so, what's the plan
for dinner? -Oh, Jake and the kids and I
went out for pizza. But there should be stuff in
the fridge to make a sandwich. -Hey, come here. Hey, my man.
Boom, boom, boom. -Text me when you get home.
-Okay, I will. [ Alarm blaring ] -In sports, the Blue Jays
and the Yankees meet tonight in the deciding game of the American League East
pennant race. [ Vehicle approaching ] -There you go. Whoa.
Look who's up, sleepyhead. Think fast.
[ Laughs ] -Hey.
Where the hell were you? -Jake thought it'd be nice
to take the kids to church. -To church?
-Yes, to church. And I happen to agree.
Now excuse me. -See? You're getting it. You're a natural. Give me some. Hmm! Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there. Ooh! Some heat. State Farm is there. He paid the insurance claim. [ Laughter ] State Farm is there. State Farm is there. Looking for better rates? -Jesus. -You know you won't find them. With State Farm's Rate Match, even if you do find cheaper
coverage, we'll just match it. [ Smooches ] -This is my house,
and I want him gone. He is not a good neighbor! -Get your finger out of my face! -Save even more when you
bundle home and auto. -Well, sleep tight. State Farm's here for you 24/7. -I just wanted a policy! ♪ Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there ♪ ♪ And here and in my bed ♪ With my wife! He took everything. Everything! [ Siren chirps ]
-Step away from the edge. You don't have to do this,
buddy. -♪ LiMu Emu ♪
-And Doug. -LiMu and I can help.
-[ Squawks ] -♪ Liberty, Liberty, Liberty ♪ ♪ Liberty ♪ -Anyone out here watching this
new show "House of Dragons"? [ Cheers and applause ] I am the biggest
"Game of Thrones" fan. I love their new show
and I got to tell you, I love that they're including
Black characters, but, to be honest,
the Black characters, um, they take me out of it
a little bit with the -- it's that blonde hair
and the old-time accents. It's a little jarring. You're like,
"Where are these people from?" You know what I mean? And then they're coming out with Season 2, I guess, soon, and, somehow, Lorne Michaels
arranged a sneak peek of Season 2
of "House of Dragons." Exclusive, so check it out. [ Cheers and applause ] [ "House of the Dragon"
theme song plays ] -Before we go to war
with Kings Landing, we must know
who our true allies are. -These represent all of our
possible alliances, Your Grace. -Thank you, Daemon. -And I've prepared
this family tree so we know who the hell
everyone is. -Yes, because our names are
insane and sound identical. -I've also prepared a chart
of who's having sex with whom and, weirdly enough, it's
the same as the family tree. -You have a visitor, Your Grace. [ Door opens ]
Lord of the Tides, the Sea Snake himself,
Corlys Velaryon. -Lord Corlys, this is
a most welcome surprise. Where have you come from? -The Matrix. Just kidding. -You must've been at sea
a long time, then. -Oh, of course. This is where my people are
most comfortable, the ocean. Yeah, we especially love
being on ships! Never have any concerns
with ships or what might happen to us
on ships. -Have you come alone? -Oh, no, no, I brought
my granddaughters, Baela and Rhaena. -Greetings, Your Grace. -So happy to have traveled
40 days by ship in this ball gown, Your Grace. -It's wonderful to see you
since you are betrothed to my nephew/stepsons
Jace and Luke. -Yes, I look at
my future husband, and I think, he is definitely going to
satisfy me sexually. -Mm-hmm.
-And to what do we owe the honor of your visit,
Lord Corlys? -Yeah, well, you know, I know
that you in need of allies now that your father has died. -Died? [ Groans ] -Oh, my God, man. What is happening
with your face? -The doctor says it's nothing. Just a little cough and my skin melted
and my eye fell out. -Well, I found you
some new allies from even further-away lands that have come to pay their
respects to the true queen. -Well, well, well. Good to see you, Your Grace. Cousin Daemon, well, I haven't
seen you in a long time. How does it feel
to have sex with your niece? Yuck.
-This whole family looks like the sun took a look and said,
"No, thank you." [ Laughs ]
-Your Majesty, looks like you got a case
of the monkey pox. -[ Laughs ] -You're going to die any minute,
ain't you? -Yeah, yeah. -Well, if it isn't our cousin,
light-skinned Larry Targaryen. -[ Chuckles ]
Silky, your hoes are so old their titties
give powdered milk. -You look like E.T. when they
dressed him up for Halloween. -Ha.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, all that was hateful, man. -Your Jheri curl's
getting a little dry. -That's that dragon spray. -More visitors approach. -Pardon me, Your Grace, but I think your penis
just fell off. If you don't want it anymore,
can I keep it? Might be able
to get some money for that. -Who is this foul man? -I came here
for some dragon rocks. I'm down to my last one. -What the hell
is going on here? -You mind if I, um, get a light? Dracarys. -Be gone, all of you. -Oh, no, there's more. -I'm one of the baddest
mother[bleep] Westeros has ever seen. One of the best singers and
one of the best dancers, too. I'm Aegon Targaryen, bitch,
rider of dragons. I heard you like
to ride lizards. Want to ride mine,
Your freaking Majesty? -[ Roars ] -Take me to Flea Bottom
so I can check on my hoes. -What up, Tar? I got a dragon now. -[Bleep] No, dragon. [Bleep] No, dragon. [ Siren chirps ]
-Good God, it's the police. What are they doing
all the way up here? No matter how high I fly, they always find you,
don't they? -Winter has arrived, y'all. -Temperatures dropping. -And you know what that means. -It's cuffing season. -That time of year
when we find a man to keep us warm
through these cold months. -But not just any man will do. -That's right -- we out here
looking for some...big boys. ♪♪ -♪ It's cuffing season ♪ ♪ Now we got a reason
to get a big boy ♪ ♪ I need a big boy ♪ ♪ Give me a big boy ♪ -♪ Big, b-big, b-big, big boy ♪ -♪ It's cuffing season ♪ ♪ All the girls are leaving
to get a big boy ♪ -♪ Big boy ♪
-♪ I need a big boy ♪ -♪ Big boy ♪
-♪ I want a big boy ♪ -♪ I need a big boy
with polar bear arms ♪ ♪ Keeps me warm
in the winter snowstorm ♪ ♪ Wind chill is biting,
but his jacket's unzipped ♪ ♪ He bring in my groceries
in just one trip ♪ -♪ Till the sun comes back,
I need a big boy hottie ♪ ♪ Makes his own heat
with his big boy body ♪ ♪ For the next three months,
skinny boys is dead ♪ ♪ Forget a six-pack,
I need the whole damn keg ♪ -♪ Big boy with a big old back ♪ ♪ A California king,
refrigerator stacked ♪ ♪ With steaks on steaks
on steaks on steaks on steaks ♪ ♪ B-Butter, bacon, cheese,
and lasagna in the tray ♪ -♪ Need an enormous man
with an enormous stand ♪ ♪ Feeds me snacks
with his enormous hands ♪ ♪ And I hope he asks me
to be his winter wife ♪ ♪ 'Cause messing with a big boy
will change your life ♪ -♪ It's cuffing season ♪ ♪ All the girls be needing ♪ ♪ Need a big boy ♪ ♪ I want a big boy ♪ ♪ Give me a big boy ♪ -♪ I need a big boy body
like a bouncer ♪ ♪ Big mouth breather
and legs like a monster ♪ ♪ Get in the bed
and he gonna do me right ♪ ♪ And when we all done,
he gonna snore all night ♪ ♪ And then he stops ♪
-[ Snorts ] -Babe! Babe! Did this man just die?
-[ Snorts ] -♪ Anything I need,
my big boy got it ♪ ♪ If I need a snack,
he got Snickers in his pocket ♪ -♪ Big warm hoodie, yeah,
you know I'm gonna rock it ♪ ♪ And if we gonna travel ♪ ♪ You know he gonna put me
in first class ♪ ♪ 'Cause he don't fit
in the back ♪ -♪ Hey, big boys ♪ ♪ Go, big boys ♪ ♪ Hey, big boys ♪ ♪ I like a big boy ♪ -Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait! Punkie, I thought
you only liked girls. -I love girls, but they
can't keep me warm. I want to be
the little spoon sometimes. It's like this. ♪ Being man enough to hold you ♪ ♪ Taking care of kids and wife ♪ ♪ I mow the lawn,
take out the trash ♪ ♪ You don't think
that I be tired? ♪ ♪ All I do is work and stress ♪ ♪ And I could use a big boy
so I can just relax ♪ ♪ He need to have
them love handles ♪ ♪ In the front and in the back ♪ ♪ And, yes,
I want him three layers ♪ ♪ Like McDonald's Big Macs ♪ ♪ But if we talking girls,
yo, I like my women big ♪ ♪ And it don't matter
what the season ♪ ♪ Like 'em thick,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ -♪ It's cuffing season ♪ ♪ And now we got a reason
to get a big boy ♪ ♪ I want a big boy ♪ ♪ Give me a big, big, big boy ♪ -We out here, ladies. We the reason for the season. These bears don't hibernate
in the winter. And you know where to find us. We'll be shoveling snow
in shorts. -♪ Big, b-big, b-big boys ♪ -HBO's "The Last of Us"
is a hit, proving a video game can become
a prestige dystopian drama. This spring, HBO is doing it
again with another iconic game. -It's been 10 years
since our kingdom fell. The only thing we have left? Hope. -I have important cargo
I need smuggled to Rainbow Road. People say you used to drive? -People say a lot of things. -You got a name? -It's-a me... Mario. ♪♪ So, what's the cargo? -Not what. Who. She's a princess. At least she was
until he took over. -We'll never make it on foot. -You won't have to. [ Beeping ] -Let's a-go. -From the producers
of "The Last of Us" and the master storytellers behind "Mario Karts"
1 through 8... -What's it like out here? -Karting out here isn't a game. If we're going to make it,
we need all the help we can get. [ Knock on door ] [ Gun cocks ] -It's-a Luigi time. -Everything on this road
wants us dead. -What is that thing? -Goomba -- sentient fungus
with shoes for legs. -All your favorite wacky racers reimagined as complex
dramatic HBO characters. -I'm Yoshi. I'm bisexual. -[ Roars ] -Name's Toad. Also, I'm bisexual. -"HBO picked the wrong game
to do this with," raves Variety. "Yeah, this ain't it,"
adds "The New York Times." -You eat that poison? -It makes me feel big, okay?! I need to feel big! 'Cause Bowser's out there. And he's the main bad guy. [ Tires screeching ] When we're out there
in our karts... -Whoo-hoo!
I love this [Ding] -...I need you to trust me. Hold on!
[ Tires screech ] I'll get you to Rainbow Road. -There's a shell on my 6! -You can dodge it! -No. It's red. ♪♪ -What if we crash? -A little guy in a cloud comes and uses a fishing pole
to put you back on the road. -Oh. Okay. ♪♪ [ Beeping, gunshot ]
