Too Hungover To Podcast - IMPAULSIVE EP. 265

what are you you got deep pants yeah yeah why you never had this happen to you in your school you shut your mouth george what are you saying you've never got deep no why are you saying that why are you saying it like that wait d pantsed who says deep pants that's how that that's how they say it oh my god what is it that's why you got that just everyone just stop are you going to do or shy huh welcome back to impulsive ladies and gentlemen the number one podcast in the world i think viewing and subscribing it's not good i'm unwell i'm unwell i'm unwell i'm i uh i'm ashamed almost i'm in pain i was a a a trauma victim that's what i am uh i have socks on my hands right now guys let's just get right into this for i have socks on my hands like that should just give you a little bit of an understanding i don't even know you own socks i don't i don't have socks on my feet but i have socks in my hands whose socks are those just let me explain for about 150 episodes of this show you saw two very hungover men on a podcast well two and then there was always a non-hungover person which would be spencer right then for a hundred episodes we we never ran it back today we're back we're hungover we're on over we're unwell we went to a grammy's after party last night and by the way the only one like that wasn't a thing there were no like grammy's after parties but somehow through the only one in la i don't think anything else was happening mike do you understand what i'm saying here i'm looking at the joe coy combing his hair sorry supposedly there was a thing too okay but we went to the one and it was at his malibu house which was probably the coolest house beautiful i've ever been i walked in i said oh edm money yeah dj money huh must be nice louis vuitton surfboard money oh i got a [ __ ] nickelodeon surfboard yeah that's all we got nickelodeon surfboard what was that what was the award team choice away he got a [ __ ] louis vuitton surfboard and i bet he uses it i bet he actively uses it but yeah we went um it was a lot of fun and about halfway through the night i looked at mike and he had a blanket over him like like straight he looked like e.t in his basket you know when he's when he's about to ride off into the moon uh that was my guy and i said oh tomorrow's gonna be crazy huh bad because bad you know it's been it's been so long until since we had a a hungover episode and here we are just mindless idiots back to the past we got an iv before this we have a massage scheduled after i don't know why i'm so affected now as an adult by alcohol because we don't drink it's because we don't drink we have no tolerance whatsoever and so when you have copious amounts of poison toxin pumped into your system that you're not used to anymore yeah it has effects that make you unwell yeah you look well today george how are you i feel great i didn't go out i uh i came back from a comedy show with you i literally said babe drop me off at the show i'm gonna have the night with the boys i always miss out i'm tired of missing out just because i have a girlfriend doesn't mean i can't live yeah so i get into logan's car after the show and i'm really excited you know i'm in the bitcoin dip group now yep it's it's called the dip fire full of [ __ ] they're like oh this is business bunch of memes and jokes tiny bit of [ __ ] business talks i call logan i go does this a business term he goes nope i said hang up the phone i said oh me token's a wagon george texted me in in a separate chat he said he said what is wagon i'm like it's just a [ __ ] wagon i wasn't gonna do this and i made fun of this all the time until the chef came up to me and he goes yeah dude i just been listening to logan's doing everything he did and dude's been making thousands of dollars i was like alright [ __ ] this i'm doing this so i'm investing in this group chat i'm i'm in this party thing and logan calls me and goes hey we didn't know you're coming but there's a there's a party bus we don't know if there's gonna be extra seats but if there is don't worry we'll get you in on that all right cool comes out everybody's at this after party you bring the best pizza i've ever had in my life yeah i was like this is it my girlfriend's giving me the green light i'm lit we're in then the people come in the house and then i do this banter and before i used to do this banter to get laid but there's no there's no prize at this banter and i go what the [ __ ] am i doing yeah yeah this this conversation is completely stupid i don't need to be here mindless tom comes up to me goes good news bro he goes we got extra speeds he's like we're rolling i go i already called my uber i'm out of here i don't know why i'm here i got a drop dead girl just a gorgeous girl at the house she just ordered pizza i'm gonna have more pizza this is the best and then it's in malibu yeah you guys have to take a bus to malibu it was a long ride it was these guys are gonna be back around five five no no i'm not doing this there's no reason for me to do this did we even get back at five times you're involved and i and i hate hold on let me let me stop you for a second you're right but but there i i've relearned that there's quite a bit of value in letting go and having a good time with your friends as mindless as it is sure no no no no i'm i'm just saying because i had to relearn this for the past for all of 2020 i wanted to be the author video a week podcast girlfriend settle down do all the right things i'm growing up growing up is overrated bro it is man it really like i got to the end of last year and i was like dude i got so much [ __ ] done i made a ton of money i set up a platform for the rest of my life but was i happy hmm did i have any fun did i have it do you like partying though no no no listen i'm not even talking about partying per se because you get to the point where you're talking about i have no idea what i'm missing out on did i did you really not just get the point of what i just said no you're just trying to make uh it's you're saying have fun why don't you live a little george yeah you do live a lot i don't need to be around and also no no i don't care how you do it i don't care if it's partying or if it's going to the zoo i don't give a [ __ ] what it is what i'm saying is it's a it's just a release not everything has to not everything you do in life has to have a objective an objective or an end goal or uh you know i had fun at the comedy show i'm not talking directly to you you did you started the conversation directly i can't do this i know you can't and you really can't but i have a lot more energy than you so i'm putting you puppies down tonight please don't uh what's up with the bandages around you guys do you really do an iphone oh before the show we did an iv we talked about it about four minutes yeah we already mentioned it it's fine you have in the notes here uh quarantine goggles what was that conversation quaggles we you know it about why we're in the conversation i've lost i've forgotten everything it's basically i'll lead him in i was there for it it's it's when you end up in a relationship it it was i have no idea what it was that's what it was people stayed in relationships potentially stayed in relationships they should have gotten out of sooner because they had quaggles on quarantine goggles blinders to everything else because there was nothing else they were stuck in the house bored in that stuck in the house board born in the house whatever it is yeah quarantine made it super i thought it'd be opposite wouldn't that be kind of get annoyed of somebody next to you that you but you got no choice though you're stuck with them because what are you gonna do go out and find somebody else there's a global pandemic out there people are dropping dead left and right zombies i don't know if i believe that because like i know a lot of friends i won't mention anybody that don't use any condoms and there's whoa whoa there's a lot more worse precautions whoa you think you guys are scared of covid but not like hiv or getting a girl pregnant whoa what's wrong with you guys why are you making it seem like this is that's sub episode 100 conversations we we've evolved we isn't it we isn't [ __ ] george celibate [ __ ] 20 21 we [ __ ] you don't be [ __ ] george you know what i i realize with you guys this is what anything you guys say you don't do you guys do everything i say look at me look at me look into my [ __ ] soulless empty eyes we don't be [ __ ] george not a one zero no nuts straight up dude nothing not one but yeah quarantine goggles man it made it a and again this isn't something i know i i feel it's just for me a lot of people gotten relationships and held that relationship probably longer than you should have because quarantine made it convenient and they had quaggles quaggles it's called that quaggles on but now i feel like you know that uh big sean i think lyric uh nowadays it seems like everybody breaking up is that is that big sean it's not like that i i probably [ __ ] up bad but the reason i say it is nowadays i feel like everybody's breaking up bro because i'm walking around this little hollywood town of ours and i'm seeing some high-profile relationships and i'm not going to mention any that don't be relationshiping no more you know what i'm saying like there's some single people out there there's some big relationships in this town that are like us weekly type [ __ ] people type [ __ ] e.t type [ __ ] they ain't even in relationships no more george because the pandemic's over trips to mykonos are coming back people are calling it tulum how are they all in tulum no seriously how are all these girls going to tulum at the same time with the same incestuous circle they're they just what did you say it's a re it's a respawn for a single piece yeah that's where you lie it is so loom is where you respawn after a relationship what the [ __ ] oh my god why am i ballooned we're in cabbage wait last week you were you weren't dating someone no you're in tulum yeah man pandemic bro it's it's uh seems to be quickly uh shutting down dude people are starting to open the doors i wonder what's gonna happen bad them in the streets well i just hope that there's not gonna be like a a spike and then they're like all right we gotta bring that [ __ ] down again because that would be miserable i think that would hurt way more than the first round where we have to be locked up yeah because then you were like we were so close do you understand but yeah people are getting their shots now but now they're saying that that's there's like a new strain that the no one's going back in their house after this round at this point it's like i'm i risk it right risking for the biscuit yeah yeah i think so i think people go out there just die if they had to before they go back in the [ __ ] house like they're like yo i'm just telling you right now you go outside you're gonna [ __ ] perish in the street and they're like i'll do anything i'm just not staying in this house anymore i don't give a [ __ ] i can't stand this [ __ ] wife i gotta get the [ __ ] i got quaggles on i'm sick of seeing her face every day i'll go out and die in the streets is there anything that you guys saw you kind of forgot you know like when i went out i was noticing things that i forgot about is there anything that i forgot everything that happened last night are you asking are you asking us if there's anything we forgot about last night no how am i still saying you were out last night these are things that like it reoccurred and you're like oh [ __ ] i forgot this is a thing i've i felt something talk to me acknowledging how you feel feels good acknowledging how you feel feels good yeah okay is this is this okay i was i was really present and i'm just identifying how i was feeling throughout the night feelings would come they would go i'd acknowledge them i'd download them i'd say hey you're here we're here that's it we're in this together like there was a moment i had with evan evan i don't know if you remember this evan can you come on can you come on please i asked you to come on we cried in the driveway yeah together evan we cried in the driveway do you want us to say hello i think i saw you guys crying and he was crying on your shoulder and i was walking around with a blanket over my head and what a weird event i think ian d moore and kid little boy yeah we were crying i was i was tearing up you were crying whoa big yeah because you know what i said i said bro cause we walked outside and evan and i we're just having a super fun night like obviously i [ __ ] love this kid and i looked at him and i say yo [ __ ] i would die for you like straight up die this is not a lot of p i'm bro you know me i love me there's not a lot of people i can say that for but he's one of them like die for you and i was just like expressing that to him and then you know we start hugging a little bit and also he was both kind of like crying and we talk we're like i love you bro it's one of those moments look i love you bro i would love to be in a multi-universe where he's like i love you i would take a bullet in here and he's like wait a second emotions have passed it was the liquor that was talking i got [ __ ] to do today i can't that was easily my favorite moment of that night for sure crying on logan it was one of the only ones that like meant something it was amazing that means so much to me because like if i like not going to party there's a slight fomo for you to say that that was your favorite moment i'm glad i did it it was beautiful yeah we love each other yeah and and by the way i would do the same for you appreciate you yeah it took you only 24 hours to mention that let's hope we never have to be in a scenario where yeah it's like like like a ma imagine they're like well we heard you on the podcast you heard that so one of you has to die now wait this sounds pretty close to dick grant some guy we haven't talked about him in a long time you got who is he who is even here for dick ransom guy do you don't even know who you know this scenario if you're if you're a male you ran this scenario with your with your guy friends but also 100 percent if you watch it would you suck a dick for your boy what would you suck addiction so we always ask this question when would this scenario ever come into fruition and there's this dude called dick ransom guy that runs around the city with a gun you're gonna suck this dick or your friend's getting it he's just a random guy that says oh that's all he does his name is dick ransom is this a real thing yeah it's from like episode like this is where we live george this is where we live when we're like when we're hungover dick ransom guy dicks in general big ransom guy dick sand that's all i got what is this yeah this this parlay is perfect sorority at indiana university bloomington is suspended after lingerie clad sisters led pledges to dark basement and told them they had to play blo or blow baby game and choose between sex act a blow job i'd presume yeah or snorting coke college is yo gen z is crazy wait a second what the [ __ ] they're so comfortable with their sexuality they're so comfortable that's a that's been a thing yeah it's been a thing hold on that's been a thing blow or blow yeah i'm gonna be honest with you they were playing this this game was last night this exact same game every room i went went into bro they were playing blower blow dude straight up willow also claimed one sister struck her on the back side with a wooden paddle damn what sorority is it yo shout out indiana university bloomington dawg and said they have to either perform oral sex or do who's who who who's um receiving the oral sex uh is it a male it's a prank oh it's a joke it was like pledges they were scaring them that they were gonna happen oh so no wait what nah their their ads have been a dick there it was a prank it's a prank what is this it's a breakfast it was just a vitality video this is there's no pig there's no actual [ __ ] here this is a non-story dylan oh god all right which one do you choose well i guess i'll take the dick it's a prank kind of [ __ ] story is this dylan and by the way this isn't funny this girl sounds traumatized and uh we're sending you our condolences wait tr traumatized how because she got she got bit on the back side oh that's oh she was with a paddle oh well that oh yeah that's right that's [ __ ] up i don't know girls do that though that's kind of what's up i never understood the frat life [ __ ] no no no no this is it you're a dork if you're in a frat and you have to do some weird things to get in it to me or dork i don't care how you're going to get you're about to bro you have never uh in a comment section gotten blazed as bad as you are about to right now for what you do listen if you have to be friends with somebody and they're like listen you have to do coke or blow your dork not what it is it's not what it is at all well evan you tell him you were in a you were in a you were in a friend dude i thought i ate uh uh onion covered in hot sauce and piss what did you say say one more how are you that's a dork move say it one more time was it worth it i ate an entire onion full onion four onion we all had a finish in it certain amount of time drenched in urine and hot sauce what the [ __ ] wrong with you what's wrong with you that's why and that's why you're my guy dude you wouldn't know [ __ ] about this frat life george uh i don't want to know anything about this frat life i never went to college it's a bot it's honestly a it's a bonding just experience like yeah you're right hey you wanna eat a carrot full of [ __ ] i just if you demean fratlet now of course i didn't have a frat at my alma mater gateway community i think they might actually have one there shout out new haven connecticut shout out gateway community i got by the way i got a liberal arts degree on a so i believe i have the most worthless degree on the planet an associate's degree in liberal arts it has quite literally no application nothing no applica what am i going to do oh my god what what can you do with that i'm really my arts are liberal look how liberal my arts are you ate onions what don't make fun of his masters you really want to go back to this no i don't you want to get destroyed people are going to call you a bigot [ __ ] dylan set uh some like bullet points here who's the hottest girl overall question mark at the parties one of his well i think it's safe to say that all women are equally beautiful in their own right both inside and out people are gonna well your people are gonna call you man i don't think i don't think i don't think there was oh one uh one girl who was the there is one that comes to mind i don't want to say it wait wait wait uh the the one the one that we met for the first time last night okay i'm not usually into really tall girls because she's i talked to her for a little bit i think she's 5 11 and then with heal she was six two last night six six once i asked her she liked emasculating men with her eyes she said yes then we square it up cute acute aggression but she is but she is bad bro and like honestly are you why are you being such a [ __ ] just pull her ig up no no i tried dylan i tried it's nice to know that there was one but but she she like really she really she she has a immense power in that frame she knows how to wield it i could i could go on for a long time about this but i'm not gonna because it's like there's a part of my life i have to keep private you know what i'm saying this this this might this might be one of them what that she's hot it's definite that seems like such a sick revelation logan paul thinks girl is hot guys i'd love it if we could keep this private no just no cause like i'm not asking you to release a sex date bro i'm not asking you to play blow or blow like what the [ __ ] is good dude just said say the girl's sucking hot uh okay [ __ ] you man any drama slash t there is the uh hottest tea i'm not even gonna say i forget it because we could no because it's so unshareable that me saying this right now is the lame i'm not even are you guys talking about no stop next did you do we run into any access that's what i told you about yeah yeah but it's like there's no shot i mean bro that's it it's the only drama t if you want to call it that such a whack word that i've that if you looked at my face when i heard it i you know that i just heard something that was earth-shattering do you know what i'm saying like it's [ __ ] crazy bro and the p and the parties involved they're even crazier anyways did you run into any axes at the party no he just put one of the bullets points that says planting seeds oh is that like when you plant the seed with a girl yeah i got that yeah but planting seeds are it's so underrated like oh so oh we're girls poor girls swarming your clown these are great bullet points no not really because everyone at that party was was cloudy you know what i'm saying really long sentence one i think that one's funny in the bullet points making sure not to lock into one girl too early like we gotta get a camera for him because the way he talks behind the camera is so cute he's like playing with he's like talk about the last one how about the last one it's so good wait like too early in the night yeah yeah [ __ ] general generally speaking how that usually goes at least for myself is when you lock into a girl in the beginning of the night that's never the girl you wake up with the next morning it just never ever works that way like you you start the night off you're like i like the girl you invited with the with the concept and purpose of hooking up with her and like getting to know her better and all that stuff that never happens you end up with some [ __ ] random recycled roadkill that you just wake up next to the next day jesus and you're just like god what went wrong what happened i had set this up so nicely i ended up with the [ __ ] indiana university dropout who couldn't finish the game of blower below oh lord i'm getting better guys i really am i'm i'm i'm gonna change bro when that iv was running through me veins i was in a dark place yeah out no there were a couple times where i was in a dark place and i was on a business call yeah and um i was feeling violent and i swear to god aggression no just aggression aggression yeah jeff was sitting next to me and like i was holding the phone i kept putting on mute and unmute because you know you guys are being like loud yeah and a part of me just wanted to crush it into non-existence when you were doing the message no i think whatever was in the iv mixed with whatever the f is left over in my body from last night and god knows what bro so many things i sprayed soap in evan's eyes every orifice like things like accidentally intentionally whatever it burned i don't want to do this i don't want to do this i love the show i don't want to do the uh the drinking it's so bad bro it's so bad like i i could probably do this like maybe once a month maybe once every two months because it's hard dude i woke up today dude every day when i wake up i have a laundry list of items to do i woke up today my tax guy said you need to sign this paper today it has to happen you have to it's the today's identity yeah and all you have to do is sign it all you have to do is sign the paper electronically they sent me a document evan a docusign yeah that's easy and i mean literally tap the screen and i said to myself this is my task today this is my one task today if i can complete this docusign i have accomplished everything i need to do today did you sign i have not yet signed that docusign and it was due during business hours and it was so important for my tax liabilities and i have not done it if it's due today then no well now what bro i don't know that's what i'm trying to say to you i had that's the one task i chose i have 400 other things that are due today but those i said i can't do those i've already come to terms with that can you party with audrey party without drinking that's all i ever do that's how i go out no i i go crazy i can't i can't i i can't but recently it's been so hard for me and i and i don't even need to get like hammered i just do because i'm a degenerate like i'm the dude who's like i'll take one shot and then i'm [ __ ] yeah but um my inhibitions they lower right i get a little loose get a little vibe going with a couple of drinks and uh it makes it so much easier to have fun and moreover just like care about people i'm an introvert but i also love people and sometimes i'm at a party i'm like hey i could probably spare myself with like half of these conversations but alcohol just makes me like friendly and nice tell me more oh my god i know yeah so incredible when you were 14 not dean's list yeah i could do it yeah you're in the backyard just talking some [ __ ] rando about the weirdest [ __ ] for me at least it's like a different level of confidence comes out yes it's liquid confidence yeah alcohol yeah it's so weird i had the exact opposite i didn't drink growing up so when i did get drunk i got very random like i would look at the bush yeah yeah i would talk to myself in my head like i'm schizophrenic and have conversations with myself i'm like oh this is fun how are you doing yeah i'm not sure i'm sorry you just said the [ __ ] beer gave you schizophrenia no i'm not kidding i get so distracted within my own thoughts of like being drunk right around other people because i have a lot of inside thoughts when i'm sober so if i look at you i think multiple things so when i'm drunk that heightens up and then it just distracts me what are you thinking when you look at him right now i'm drunk i have zero thoughts what are you talking about i'm just doing no thoughts no no no me neither me neither lack of confidence i'm a passionate guy [ __ ] off lack of confidence comes from a place of thinking you're not confident so when you turn all that [ __ ] off and you're just a a cyborg or you'll walk up to any girl cause you wanna know what you're the [ __ ] [ __ ] you got [ __ ] up with your homies you're cool at least that's how it is for us though i know some people handle alcohol differently yep that's how it is for us i i did i finally got into the shoes of somebody who overthinks how were they comfortable it was a year ago i i smoked too much and you got paranoid and when i was talking i was out and i was talking to somebody and i i stopped i didn't talk because i was like don't say that that's dumb and blah blah and i was like oh my god this is how people think like some people think this way they'll say something in their head before they say it and then they'll like regret it so they don't say it and then i'm like whoa that's so weird i've never done that i usually just say that and sometimes i'm like a lot of times i'll say something like why did i say that that was dumb yeah and then we'll just see where it goes and that's how he's lived my life but i got into an elevator and it was the first time in my life i've ever been in an elevator and nobody talked and i was like oh my god this is how life would be in an elevator if i wasn't talkative and i didn't talk to people because nobody initiates the conversation i'm always initiating the conversation next to somebody when do you have time to have a conversation in a [ __ ] elevator all the time you go up two levels and you're done no i talked as soon as i could i never i never ever started a conversation that's what i'm saying it was the first time ever dude there's never that was the only time in my life that i've ever been in an elevator to talk to somebody you talk to people at elevators i talk to people any change it's like it's a hot button issue by the way elevator conversations and there's a whole bunch of there's a whole genre of conversation around that situation people get in the elevator and it's very awkward it's generally very awkward because it because of that window of time that you have it's not quite long enough to really spark something up good but yeah you're also standing next to someone like like hey generally you've ever been in an elevator before that's a great question that's a great question it's my first time actually but but but what that's where this is where elevator pitches come from this is where all of that stuff around elevators let's stick with elevators for a second just for a hot second but ubers are cool dude then phones came along change the game completely because now when you get in an elevator you don't even know [ __ ] are you oh you guys never talk to people on elevators this is bad all i'm just saying is that there's a there's a dialogue around this kind of conversation so now what happens is to avoid the awkwardness and the silence everyone goes the first thing you do you get in you push the button phone comes out and you look at it now you have no service but you're just scrolling the pictures on instagram you already saw anything to avoid the fact that you're standing next to someone in an in a box that is moving on a wire to a [ __ ] another floor of a building you don't want to be in any way that's wild it's always the dentist but are you guys are you guys not fearing of the fact that you could be missing out on like a conversation that could possibly change your life no i'm actually fearing the fact that i might get into a conversation that i hate i just look at my phone well no because that the time will pass but like for example you brought up the uber i've had conversation with uber's where i was like oh wow i don't want to have this conversation it's the same conversation but there was one time where it was so good i changed the location on my uber because i was like nah i want to continue this conversation i have one of those that's what i'm saying like you do but i i think about that still time that's dope so like what i'm saying is you're never gonna look back and be like why the [ __ ] did i talk to that guy in the elevator but you could be like damn i'm really happy i talked to that guy i think with that i think it goes back to the window of time i mentioned before i have fantastic conversations with uber drivers some of the best conversations i've ever had in my life for the uber drivers now would i pull a riley reed and suck their dick probably not maybe i can't say that i don't know if you have a gun they're just saying suck my dick or your boyfriend yes dick right what if dick ran some guys somehow oh god how did we get here we were just having such a great conversation but the uber driver turned around it's like me and logan in the back seat got you gosh we're gonna play a game called a blower i'm gonna blow your brains out and that's the same lights like right here i knew i should have never done uber pull a [ __ ] you're gonna play blower blow with your brains oh my god yo [ __ ] shout out riley shout out riley [ __ ] we need her back on dude i miss her i miss right i'm missing out with her she's fine she's so much fun dude so much fun i also think she's like reformed i believe she got a man she got a man yeah she's still doing only fan [ __ ] but it was weird because that was like the crew at one point like i was a i was it's okay it's okay nothing's there my headphones my headphones my headphones are cutting i thought mike was about to croak i was like 36 years she's had a good life the drugs would that be if it was caught on the podcast no no no no more no more that george today yeah my headphones are cutting it out can't say that i saw can't say that someone that we mentioned earlier at the party and they were like did you ever um did you ever hang out with gina valentina i was like yeah i hung out with her back when we were hanging out with rally she was like oh can you send her a picture of me and i did and i was like yo these and i talked gina and i was like these people were so fun they were so fun we need to get back to that dude it's just maybe not gina valentino who's that did i say her name wrong nice job jordy i'm sorry who's that have i met her have you how have you already gone on that you're gonna get roasted in the car wait who is this roasted that laugh was so funny right here right here right here ready your choice is your choice your choice it's all over is still in your system the callback your joys stop crying your friend will never make it out of this uber and into that elevator to the dentist blower blow the you know when you're [ __ ] up and you write notes in your phone and then you revisit them the next day yeah i was watching you take these notes what did you write i looked at it this morning i said what the [ __ ] so you were the dj yes what the [ __ ] happened last night how did you become the dj oh i'm always taking people i always tell you yeah and he played this one song i think this is what i wrote like a g6 popping bottles in the ice yeah like a blizzard when we drink we do it right get scissors sorry hey wait like a g6 everyone stood up and started tweeting and [ __ ] each other in the middle of the hues oh no i remember that really when it said all sudden when the song came up literally everyone right [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah okay so it was the moment i saw that too yes the whole bus like at the same time yes and that's why i took the note because i felt it was i felt no song was able to make everyone stand up and turn up at the same time but at this one moment the whole bus went and started going crazy like a g6 was i standing yes no you would the towel all over my head i don't i was tell us where'd you get that i don't know it's like a very expensive blanket blue chews our sponsor today stay with us blue chew they're making 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intercontinental boner you pop a blue chew you take it out on a pound down boys i love it buy it try it free when you use the promo code logan to check out just pay five dollars shipping bluetooth.com promo code logan to get your first month free thank you bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast back to the podcast i still don't know who giovanni personally valentino yeah she turned he turned one of the biggest porn stars in the world into a [ __ ] speaker oh it's a song out of here man [ __ ] sound like a parent is someone that is someone that sells used suits on the corner of fifth avenue giavanchi valentino how the [ __ ] have you what do you do the best prices all of them always this is uh nice giovanci valentino when's the last time you use a condom uh huh yeah all the [ __ ] you talked to us about our condom use i i have a girlfriend guys can we bring annie on the show for a second hey dude david has been pulling bro david has do you think that's appropriate to say while he has a female right in front of you trust me i know every in and out of this relationship it's completely fine that i say that he has been wheeling wagging and you've been crying everything right cool you guys are she was like she's upset she was there sierra how are you like maybe i know there's sierra over there we went to high school together no no no we didn't grade school middle school middle school then she went to private crazy finally got sierra sky after all these years boys we got her she's on the couch no i've i've what everyone sierra's guy was like my my uh crud like show crush yeah and then it was julia rose for a while this is back in like 86 when we started the show i have a story about her that girl over there really i'll keep i'll keep her identity it's a secret uh [ __ ] i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm about to expose you like this lean in lean in first first first first one oh wait wait wait wait first first boob i ever touched was that girl over there really ever in my life how'd you read it zero to ten it's ten dude dude first first boob oh it's a huge moment come on it's a huge moment i'm telling i'm stopped we won't show your face that's a huge moment bus bus to washington dc it's experimental face 12 13 years old what's a bull blank what's in there who knows do they even exist i've heard about it i've seen pictures yeah but never in real life and so i think i just like kind of like reached behind the seat i was like you know started with the classic massage and then i think i like slowly went around the front kind of just like cupped it yeah kind of just held it like embraced embraced one boob i said this is the this is i'm peeking yeah it's over wait there's nowhere to go from here there's no turning point that was the pinnacle of my life i swear to god and then he goes oh i talked to you soon i got you too there's two no no because it was it was an awkward like uh i was in the seat ahead of her and so you put your hand through the little gap by the window i'm just trying to i'm trying to picture it right by the window by the way backwards massaging your back no like how did you pull this out i don't i don't know i don't know because also the teachers are like hawks on that trip dude hey no they haven't titties back there hey paul cut the titties grab it out cut the [ __ ] paul i see you having titties no because they they tape your door at night you know how they tape your door so if you open it and they discover your door tape has been broken the seal was broken they send you away yeah man where did they send out i didn't grow up in a tape the door shut school system sorry maybe it's because it was the 60s but like well we didn't tape our doors closed no hey someone's been here they have like a csi team that comes forensics forensic paul was out of the room grabbing titties again paul let's see your hands he's got he's got titty residue on him boys the blower blow guy can't even get in the room because the doors he's like my plan has been failed i can't get in the room they taped the doors again no it was just a monitor right we'd climb on the balcony and we'd climb on the my brother yo my brother they [ __ ] like bunny rabbits in like seventh eighth grade like i was a late bloomer but my brother and his yo these [ __ ] seventh grade and eighth place i mean she's like six i'm not yo dead ass that's like 11 years old seventh seventh is twelve twelve yes 12 and 13 years old yes he was doing his big [ __ ] dog he was doing half his grade no offense to any exotic uh the answer or they're all strippers now they're all strippers really including jake uh ohio canton i don't know oh god if you ended up as a stripper now i feel like no one even setting the strippers in akron no offense the first strip club i ever went to was in akron oh it was when i realized i don't like strip clubs yeah because you went to a strip club in acting right if you had gone to a real club not in akron that was a horrible choice that set you poorly for the rest of your strip club experience in israel yeah they were they were sneaking cause what if someone gets preggers on your washington dc troop you're the teacher that allowed foul play and little christina who used to be great at algebra 2 is pregnant imagine being the mom on the ass end of that call christina was supposed to go to learn about the declaration of independence now she's raring a child how the [ __ ] did this happen did you even tape the doors you stupid [ __ ] you didn't tape the [ __ ] doors did you you stupid [ __ ] what's wrong with this school system you had one job you didn't tape the door and my daughter got pregnant you [ __ ] morons i gotta drink more often boys i want a sick one god damn like you guys should go get [ __ ] up more often that scares me [ __ ] um the washington dc trip they're infamous for east coast kids it's a very important trip some very important things have happened on that washington dc trip i'm sure anybody east of the mississippi that's watching this right now can relate to this conversation i picked up two compact discs yeah that's what i said otherwise known as cds you guys wouldn't believe these things were about this big by yay finn and they play music sometimes even films it was [ __ ] crazy and when i bought them at the store you could actually still buy cassette tapes too at the same time they're right next to each other first two cds in my life i bought on that trip to washington dc at that big mall there one of them was eminem yep slim shady lp had a giant viking and cracked on the [ __ ] cover the cd the other one was blink 182 dude ranch and they were two of the most important albums i ever purchased shout out washington dc shout out the decoration of independence and shout out christina's mom for bearing with that child because the school system didn't tape holy [ __ ] i have the picture i have with a picture of me and sierra over there yeah oh just just yonder look oh who the [ __ ] is on the right who is that is that aubry drake graham like who is that you yeah on the left that's you are you [ __ ] kidding me right now oh what the [ __ ] bro you look like the school shooter yes you do you look like the school yeah it makes so much sense you really do bro you really you didn't get lucky in life because god was protecting you he was protecting everybody else who's the russian connection on the right that kid on the right you both thought you were tag teaming that night 100 you didn't even watch your identity what russian like sales glasses did you guys buy what the [ __ ] is happening it was our first pair of aviators we were so excited dude they were massive on your face i know i was the last wait what are those are those the giovanti valentino shades damn damn this is a throwback you know this is crazy so this kid you can see look it this was like the average height eighth grade boy and this and this was me i was the smallest one in my grade for so for so long can relate i can't relate away the strip man's coming dude i love this part of mike oh my god brother they all look like they brought extra tape with them christina leaves the hospital with a half shrimp hybrid human baby christina's mom i sent my child to learn about the decoration i'm a shrimp kid my grandson is a half shrimp child it's not funny man it's not funny it's not funny no it's not [ __ ] hilarious i'll tell you why so explain to us what's happening listen so listen dude i don't know how it happened but is this guy in the same age as you yes he looks 10 years old he looks like he's trying to get you into an r-rated movie bro i was 13 years old and somehow i became like uh the designated boyfriend of the girls right the girls had their click and i was like the guy i didn't actually have that many like guy friends i don't know why i just got along better with the girl the girls yeah not women developing young women and uh and you know one day they were asking me about wieners dude like the conversation came up they're like you know girls are curious at that age like what are weiners like i said that's great like i have one you guys want to know about ask me anything you want to see my shirt you want to know about it see my strengths go well i'm getting there and so they're like they're like yo how big is it how big is it weiner like i was like i don't think they're not that big dude like what i thought it was the size of this door handle like like remind you no seriously we were walking into a barnes noble the door handle was this big they're like it's not this big i was like no no like then they're like well how big is yours logan pre-puberty voice is still high i'm flashed most of the time think about it yeah i go i don't know probably like maybe like two inches soft oh no biggest mistake of my life is that why they started calling you shrimp boy hey there's still lynch mcgee over there he probably said it so confidently too he was like two inches no because we didn't compare i didn't compare to any guy i had no guy friends i didn't know like no one talked to me about it and i was like oh this is like this is how like this is me it can't be that abnormal well evidently everyone in the eighth grade had a [ __ ] 12-inch [ __ ] except me bro hitman dingo this kid in particular his name is a.b abdullah hey what's up baby i know you're watching this um bro he was like the dude i was like oh maybe he's taking his right because he was the first kid to go through puberty and so everyone made fun of me for having a min a mini penis for years dude look how he's grabbing her you could tell he knows what he got look he goes yeah that's a pretty tight dude where's your hand that's what i want to know because i was scared to touch women bro i was so terrified of girls for so long especially after this traumatizing experience like i thought i wasn't big enough for the longest time and so uh yeah i waited i held out uh until i was four so you you wouldn't touch women but only they're titties i was big i was big on the cup but you weren't big on the dick nope i could just see him right after he found out that poor barnes noble that day just straight to the akron strip club he's like i'll never he's like i'll never have anything in this slide he gets there tries to grab the handle he's like yeah he goes to the window the girls they backstab me they stab me in the [ __ ] back they went around like telling everyone the size of my my peter dude and i wasn't equipped to handle this kind of bullying as an eighth grader um and what do you do like no no i swear to god my dick is huge guys you got to believe me no because it wasn't i was just a boy and i learned that when i was like 16 i'm a i'm a um i'm a grower you know what you're saying i'm a group yeah i'm a grower i love how you were like oh he's two inches and jake's like same grade he's like next you're like well it's cold outside that's like i got deep pants in the seventh grade oh you were one of those kids yeah it was the greatest day of my life oh no why what you got what you got you had a big dick in the seventh grade what'd he say why sorry hold on i got the pants in eighth grade stop yeah you do have to [ __ ] what are you you got deep pants yeah yeah why you never had this happen to you in your school you shut your mouth george what are you saying oh wait [ __ ] kill everybody you've never got deep pain no why are you saying that why are you saying it like that wait d pantsed who says deep pants that's how no no we said d-pants no no comment down below if you guys grow up saying don't do it it's not deep pants let me ask you a question after the show do you want to go do a d workout in the back no you don't just add two letters to random words [ __ ] your prefix george it's called pants pants i got pants he pantsed no no stop just stop depending you got nobody ran up to me and gave me a pants d-pantsed yo you're gonna you you're gonna burn in the hell fire i gotta stick to my guns i'm not saying i'm winning this one but if i'm going out so so what what happened so what happened well you got deep pants dude then you got d platform i got that makes sense yeah no [ __ ] depends shut up anyway so i got the pants someone just say someone pulled your pants down so they they pulled my pants okay perfect now everybody i got made fun of a lot and i god was lo this is how people always ask me go dude like how do you know god exists it's cause moments like this man but i can't go out there and talk about it you can't i can't be like you don't believe in jesus listen to this story come here well i i you you know in puberty you know i'm not having sex since eighth grade i'm not having sex so there's no reason to always shave this time but this time out this morning i woke up and i was like you know what i don't like the bush today i'm getting rid of it got rid of the bush and i got pantsed see how i said that pants but what that's great isn't it yeah no it was great no but it's great that it happened all day when you were cleanly shaving that's what i'm saying yeah i was very dude that was dude i'm not kidding when it went down everybody was like and i looked down i looked down and the first thing i thought about was like thank god because i can't even because i've seen your [ __ ] arms you're a hairy [ __ ] like i could see your dick being like one of those like little peeping toms out of a bush of hair do you know what i'm saying like you just see just the head of it no because you stared at my dick when you said that no whoa whoa dick ransom guy are you in here have you sent a message to george hey please congratulations twice if you're in trouble jordan tell us show yourself dick ransom guy are you driving the uber come out quick i still think it's called the pants okay it's not listen to me yes boys if you're watching this episode and you have unruly ball hair it's not doing anything for your size it's not making you look any bigger clip that [ __ ] trim it up especially by using mans [ __ ] that could have been sponsored of all time but honestly if you trim the hair it'll it'll it exposes more of the base of your penis as well so that when you when you have when you get hard is this is this happening i never i've never um i i never knew any of this yeah because well that's okay good no i bro i got my first pube what greatest moment in my life great it's a big moment i see my first pube i said finally again i was the last first grade one first grade no that's wrong where'd you get your first pube uh doc i came out with a mustache i'm gonna tell you about this big dead ass called me pablo every single day because i had a mexican mustache as a baby as a baby no in the third grade i swear to god my mother nared my [ __ ] because i was too young to shave i came out like this like they've made fun of me because the teacher would be like george just to answer and i'd be like your eyebrows are they're like oh you can't read and he has a mustache and i was like wait whoa and they were right about both i couldn't read and i had a mustache so imagine me when they did popcorn and they're reading dude dog went to the park popcorn george and then i'm like oh wait i always felt bad for the kid who couldn't read in the popcorn yeah they always picked no i know they [ __ ] went popcorn george i would popcorn somebody exactly with popcorn george they just keep [ __ ] coming back to me do you know how long it took it was it was very traumatic i i i but sometimes they would do that purposely though yeah just to like so we didn't have get any work done yeah like we had passed on to the kid that couldn't read because it's like [ __ ] oh yeah i put the whole team on my back you did it'll take 10 hours to read one sentence i used to be sick to today junior classic i'd run through those [ __ ] sentences dude just show up for logan show off right not a word wasn't read by me perfectly articulated i was that dude too i used to love it i used to like turn it on like a full acted out like do it rip through it and that would shoot a look to christine she was there i would try to time it okay so i would read ahead of what i think they're cause this [ __ ] i'm not kidding they would go from him to him back to me every time so i would time it because these [ __ ] do two sentences and then pass it to me so i would pre-read it so i knew it but then i always [ __ ] got they they would they caught on so they started reading extra and i was like [ __ ] that's what i read already and then they popcorn me and it was oh damn i never i never thought about that before cause like you know when you're a kid you're so busy like making fun of the other kids that you don't feel bad for the fact that they can't they have to read six sentences ahead just in case someone calls on i would sweat more in english class than i did pe class talk about empathy yeah you're it's it's about it's a gene that's missing when you're when you're that young you know what i'm saying it's something that you grow into through perspe with perspective and and your own life struggles you you start to garner that empathy gene some kids have it i didn't i don't i always had it because i got made fun of a lot so i was like i know how that feels it just happened i never i never bullied it but like you know that's how that's how a lot of kids are but i just i i never thought about the idea of like being that kid in class it's like fearing for their [ __ ] life of getting called on oh dude i'll call i'll go to the bathroom all the time right because i knew they were looking at me because the guy would be like you get called on dude i'm this is the camera that's me i'm in class right there so pick my name he's like this pick my name uh george and he would look at him [ __ ] no that he's like he made it clear that he's coming for me and i was like oh [ __ ] so that's when i would be like can i go to the bathroom and she's just like you're already gone and i was like that was also a fun way to kind of uh let your crush know that she's on your mind yeah that was great dog ashley uh the dog went to the park ashley sierra yeah you know i was in the spelling bee like i i i [ __ ] with words heavy same same i actually think i think i actually i can't remember oh [ __ ] where's have you gay yeah i can't remember if i won it or not like second place but yeah i used to love it i would love to do a spelling bee on this show at some point give me give me a word give me a word i would love to do that dude g-e-n-u-i-n-e h-i-p-p-o-t-a-m-u-s [ __ ] on you [ __ ] he left me that's why i got second goal give me a word that's why what what millennium m-i-l-l-e-n-i-u-m millennium [ __ ] this [ __ ] wait really hold on wait can i say one thing too can we not do any more of this this is the one day i do not want to do a [ __ ] spelling bee on this show no any other show besides a show where i didn't sleep and i'm on literally on feel like i'm on crack again any other [ __ ] day dylan we don't have to we don't have to listen listen listen all right one more word [ __ ] just thrown out come on man give me one more [ __ ] word man utopia utopia u-t-o-p-i-a utopia that's under sure that's nice i know i said it george shout out travis scott for the utopia merch what kinesiology kinesiology i think i know it you want to take it k i n e s i o l o g y kinesiology [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah i spelled kettle wrong against all odds i was the bro who made it in the spelling bee with a bunch of [ __ ] nerds because i was in there too disguised as a bro you know that picture oh not in that picture but all my bros hit my back they made signs my parents came big deal right like i was gonna do this and because i was like deceptively good with spelling for whatever reason first [ __ ] round logan kettle oh you stupid [ __ ] dude how do you [ __ ] battle spell kettle k-e-t-t-l-e i said e-l dude you were more i'll tell you why you know this kid there's a kid there's a kid named andrew play football with him wide receiver head hands last name kettle oh he [ __ ] spell the el so my whole life i grew up thinking is k-e-t-t-e-l so i spell it like that and they're like uh like everyone was shocked i spelled it wrong like this like this like for a second the spelling of the word almost changed like in the dictionary but there was a rift in space and time you just see gp in the audience like i [ __ ] hate this game this [ __ ] apricot gp came to all my everything you support him and and i spelled it wrong i was so embarrassed first [ __ ] round man uh he gave me [ __ ] he goes out everyone everyone did and i almost yo when we were getting on the football field with this kid like i sorry and andy to this day i resent him because of that because i hate him especially bro we'd be playing football this dude would it'd be like it'd be like fourth and eight and then pass him the ball he'd catch it and then drop it and now i'm even like [ __ ] more angry because i'm like you [ __ ] you can't get a first down and i lost that spelling because of you because of you cattell your name's cattell it's not [ __ ] cattle you [ __ ] scumbag your dad your dad i could see him coming up to you like after the spell i mean you got it wrong and he's like why couldn't you be more like jake he already put down 15 bodies on the dc tree they couldn't put an old tape on his door [ __ ] it everybody you [ __ ] failure you can't even spell a simple word right you idiot you got a tiny dick they're leaving this school they're like open the door open the door use the handle get enough tape on his door they ran out of tape for that he got enough [ __ ] tape in nebraska for this [ __ ] he's [ __ ] everybody he's [ __ ] the teachers jake paul's out of control he's got 600 bodies he's in seventh grade dude i swear that kid be [ __ ] broke and nothing's changed i think he got better yeah he got better he got more efficient he's even better now he's like four a day dude no he's focused he smacks bro i'm gonna be honest with you let me make sure there's all the liabilities are covered here compliance a girl i was hanging out with the other night when's this airing tomorrow yeah no it's what no we're running it we're gonna run this one tomorrow tomorrow all right so if this is running this week a girl i was hanging out with the other night completely plutonically uh came out and was like i'm like you know first question i gotta ask you uh have you [ __ ] taiga because that's the first question i said i [ __ ] have no idea you [ __ ] tigers of course uh i did you know i responded but i did not have sex with him but she she had this like look she like looked down at the end like nah but i you know i dm me but i but i never hooked up with him and like looked away and i was like what the [ __ ] was that little glitch at the end there you short out for a second were you hiding bro i should tell you right now i did [ __ ] jake paul though and i was like all right well i could live with that i could live with that that's not a problem but i mean it part lays into the conversation right the kid's putting it he's putting in work it's better than tiger oh yeah i cannot believe the volume i've never crazy seen anything like the volume the quantity of women yeah he is in around near slid in i've never seen anything like it do you want to know not one girl that we've talked to has not been dm'd by by do you want to know why the way that we approach this podcast the way you approach boxing he puts that level of effort into dming girls like imagine that for a second the level of effort you put into approaching a fight with the best boxer of all time your whole life force your energy everything you do is about that one fight he looks at dm'ing randos with that same level of respect just all day he's like well if i set up the right strategy if i pull the right team members in algorithmically speaking i feel like we could hit our quota which is he got a quote which is 762 000 dms [ __ ] we got to get started boys the two raw team is all over the dms this week i can't believe it he's probably got like one of those little machines it spins around with a finger on the end of it and just types out words and sends random words i was actually thinking about this because i just started watching uh entourage and there's this ongoing joke in the show where his boys like get girls because of him right what if hear me out now yeah because this is getting crazy this is not an exaggerated thing like this is we talk about this off the podcast this man has been sliding into every single female that exists well into their dms and then most of most sliding that's what i'm saying what if it's his boys just get on they they're allowed to be on his instagram and be like yo let me just dm this girl inviter top party i don't think that's what it is because from what i understand like his interest levels and actually facilitating the meetups and like how much time he spends he'll buy you new boobs that's what i'm saying like like bro this isn't something he buys his girls new boobs he's bought so many new boobs you want some new titties no no no no no something oh logan paul didn't like what he felt on that bus change that i could chase see yo with sierra what's good like yo check your dms sierra check your [ __ ] deal right now annie check your [ __ ] dms right check your dms with tiger right now i want to [ __ ] know if either you couch dwellers are getting new titties check them annie why are you not moving are you high acid check the dms yeah that was a weird she was just like looking at me like i have 10 heads i'm asking a very simple request here are you clear sierra no dms from tyga if he did dm you what's the course of action you think where you stay at where you be at that's what he says lights lights lights but no one cared about if he slid into your dms david [ __ ] i'm sorry what happened what yeah now what oh i don't know did you just malfunction why did you just bob your head like that no the [ __ ] is happening i don't like this what was that why did you make that noise how how did you can't even remake it yeah you want to play a game i've seen it on tick tock what's it called what i've always wanted to do this we each make a noise can be any noise no actual words and try not to laugh first to laugh loses we'll go into rotation oh george is definitely the leader in this one it wasn't as fun as i thought it would be that's cool that's great yeah honestly incredible like what are you doing i found this out when i was in high school no eighth grade i yawned like a like you know how dog yawns they go yeah yeah so i was like this is a true story i was yawning this way and i can only do it facing this way is that why you always tilt your head okay yeah okay i can only do it i don't know i found this weird thing in my throat i can only do it this way so it was this perfect timing where i was yawning and there was this dude that was on so much drugs and i always wondered why the teacher never [ __ ] said anything it was so apparent he would [ __ ] drool george that was me well why are you telling this story it's so mean and so every day he would do something weird he'd make noise he would freak out he'd wake up from sleep so i was yawning and i was like i wonder what eric's doing today so i yawned anyway bro bro what i mean this dude tripped out dog he went he was like this is like that it's like whatever drug he was on didn't approve that sound and did not want to do with anything bro he was like five minutes i'm staring in front i keep i got so scared i raised my hand and i go eric's on drugs and everybody got so mad at me for telling on him but i thought he was gonna stab me so i was like [ __ ] this dog guy i'm out and so he got sent to the office and got suspended yeah it was [ __ ] i feel like i feel like the kid definitely for the longest time probably thought you were like a robot like some sort of machine and for the first time there was a [ __ ] in your armor and he's on to you he's like i [ __ ] knew it and i'm watching this kid my eyes are peeled he did also i'd also do that in class when the teacher was talking on a mic you know they had those those like mic things so every time she would talk i could do with my mouth closed i trained myself to do with my mouth closed so i'd just be like what's your training regimen look like a lot of poking at my throat i don't want to talk about it but i've played that game blower blow before you have just let you know right now that dude eric from your class yeah i'll tell you he's coming for me he's got john of people to kill this man hundred percent you know yo you've seen uh which moves um he's putting the lipstick on listening to the [ __ ] music he called him he's like he's like hey just want to like let you know like i was really mean to in school i don't know where i am right now are you still telling the story no no yeah that's right he comes back and shoots the guy in the ass why at the end of the movie it is actually kind of funny because i've never really told that story out loud about why i ratted him out but also what if he's listening to this podcast and his whole life is falling apart because he did not know if that sound actually came out of me or for those drugs and now he knows it actually came out of me and so he just [ __ ] you went like this in the beginning of the podcast where this is it it's over quick drop it's over hit that subscribe button guys that's it what a great episode fun episode how did we pull this out i don't know i wasn't i wasn't sure if we were going to be able to but i'm actually quite impressed with you guys thank you and i i'm going to be honest i enjoy this way more than sober you guys keep drinking and doing drugs oh my god two but two boys only shows that [ __ ] smacked in a row like two in a row that's correct because the audience loved that we knew we were onto something last time with the last episode we knew it the energy was infectious we i which one are you talking about because we're all ready for this i got so many dms you all ready you all ready for this dude i forgot about that you have [ __ ] id i'm three o'clock in the morning like why is everybody [ __ ] what the [ __ ] am i ready for what like what the [ __ ] is happening hit that subscribe button uh

Channel: IMPAULSIVE

Views: 1,050,770

Keywords: podcast guest, Jake Paul brother, impaulsive, impaulsive podcast, logan paul podcast, maverick, mike majlak, george janko, diplo party, pantsed, hungover, bitcoin, girls, dating, girls in la, breakups, pandemic relationships, blow or blow, fraternity, sorority, hazing, indiana university, evan eckenrode, liquid courage, liquid confidence, riley reid, gina valentina, washington dc trip, high school, spelling bee, tyga, tiktok game

Id: FYjQl5b622s

Length: 75min 31sec (4531 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 16 2021