Tim Dillon Funniest Podcast Moments: Chapter 4

follow the instagram [ __ ] ying yang monkey yesterday i'm doing a show the first time tomorrow amazing a backyard show amazing all right i just want it it'll be my first feeling it'll be great it'll be fun as soon as you get that laugh and you're in you're like oh i'm back in and it's amazing um but then staying they're closing all the parking garages in new york now at midnight because homeless people i guess are just walking down into them and they're like hey this is a fun cave yeah yeah what could happen here yeah i like cars yeah yeah you know like i imagine like homeless people like there's a there's a a cave full of luxury cars two blocks away yeah we don't have to be in the rain tonight right and so they are closing those at midnight so that me and my my opener we get back and we're driving around the city trying to find a spot everything's just weird man we went into a bodega at like one we're like standing there there's a homeless woman in there begging for tea the dudes that gets your third tee and then you're looking at two guys that are kind of walking around the bodega and you're like something feels off like are they about to whip a gun out am i just paranoid because of the news nobody's out at night new york city used to be and i lived there for years bumping dude bombing 3 a.m i'm i'm being a diner yelling at people yeah how [ __ ] this business was you know i have been denied the amount of bitter resentful bile that came out of my mouth as marinara sauce was flying out of it mozzarella stick by just being like the denial this [ __ ] that's a special um just nasty real horror i wasted so much in new york like i loved it it was amazing but like uh just the amount of time i spent walking around being angry yeah and not in awe of what an amazing city it was like my opener he he paints his picture of like it's so amazing he's like it's just so easy to meet girls and you're dating and you just you're there you guys can go get margaritas and i'm like but what about the all the hatred like didn't you just walk around every day consumed with a darkness in you you didn't know how to get rid of he's like well not really no he's like i was dating and i'm like but what about the late nights on the roof of your building smoking a cigarette cursing god because and so i but i i love it there i miss it a little never lived there again uh because me and new york have that relationship where we destroy each other um i was a tour guide i ruined people's lives i ruined vacations that people had saved up their entire life to come to new york to just see it and i would grab the microphone and i'd go this city sucks and i am dying in this city i have nothing and everyone i know has nothing everyone i said i know some of the most talented people and they're getting nowhere and people were like this is really we just want to see the lion king we just want to see the lion were you doing bus tours yeah double decker bus stores i would stand on the bus and i would just go out there and i would tell people i would say they'd be like it seems like you have such a fun job i say ask winter you know how many how many operations winter's had on her foot six she said six foot operations she's 68 years old okay she doesn't want to show you carnegie hall anymore she wants the long sleep like it was such it was bad tour guides are tragic characters you become a tourist in your own home you start falling in love with the buildings you hate people yeah you hate people so that was my experience in new york is just an orb of negativity it's not even that it's just that like most outdoor things are not brand new they're not ideal here's the thing though when i went and did the uh uh outdoor shows with cars it was very weird for the first like five minutes it was like they're honking i was ju i was like this is awful i hate it i don't wanna five minutes in i was [ __ ] like i get it okay i know but we have evolved it's called podcasting i don't want to perform for cars i can just be funny for an hour two hours a week well your fan base doesn't have cars uh so i'm sorry my fan base isn't my other celebrity friends i apologize you know i apologize jennifer aniston and sandra who are these people it's over it's over ladies and gentlemen is tick tock real yeah benton makes a very good point people have eight million followers on tick tock the same person will have like a hundred thousand on instagram what's happening because everybody on instagram is an old witch like your friends and on tick tock everybody's just hot as [ __ ] and we don't care and we don't care about old people and what they're about like we're about positivity and light and and showing and being healthy and showing our unshown our our dicks that's what we're about so i'm not i'm not upset at old-school people what is the most important platform right now dan according to you you covet a broken ankle last night last night she said i had an overwhelming amount of pressure there was no real sickness it was just an overwhelming amount of pressure that needed to be released the worst part is the video she's like don't worry i'll relieve you from the pressure and mike's like yes thank you nurse yeah well yeah no idea yeah it's like someone's holding a gun to his head they're like yeah role-play you have to get you have to get better at it yes you have to get better you ever do the rpg stuff the role playing well that's yeah i think everybody ever used an rpg in the night room i think when someone's hooking up with me they're always pretending i'm someone else so i always imagine they're doing a role play in their head um because their eyes are closed and a lot of times they're screaming uh no i've never i'm not into like role playing i think it's just hot enough from like i'm me you're you that's good yeah yeah that's good enough this is fun enough and i'm also bad like i would want to be something that i i'm believably not what for example you know i just want to be i'd want to be a sport like in sports or a fight like it would be ridiculous yeah i'm like a fighter i'd be like i'm a boxer and you're and they go no you're not you're not no so i want i'll do like a realistic role play where i'm like a manager at a burger king yeah at a uh at an island's burgers and shakes i'm a manager restaurant great great and i'm a manager and you're a waiter who's going to be fired and uh you know and it's just very and it's always sexual harass all my role plays are oh i'm committing a felony right in my head so that's why i stay away from it because i'm like oh this is an abuse of power this is not good so i try to just stay away look tim joe rogan says you're a national treasure he also said the vaccine for coronavirus was freshly fallen snow so i love him to death but you know he says a lot yo he really he really he really does he also said connecticut he also said connecticut is simply a highway between new york new york and every other day he talks to me he's like vitamin d just go fit i'm like i don't know but all right so i'm just taking vitamin d no mask thinking i'm good so i'm gonna drop dead on his advice i love him to death but uh lose my fan base mm-hmm or people will be like why'd you wait so long yeah yeah yeah or like well it's also when martin came out we were all like what yeah yeah no one yeah how are you the last to know about that yeah it's also like um at this point it's not even a thing like it's not a huge like we're so past gay now yeah like we're past trans even we're in like another remember three weeks ago when we cared about transgender yeah people in libraries remember that it's like should these drag queens be reading in the library and now everybody's done remember libraries yeah now everyone's dead yeah it's well but that stuff will come back you know like that stuff will come back libraries well no drag queens the the the petty stuff comes back like i love like every tragedy everybody you know they have the same thing they go you know what this is really going to make us think about like you know what's really important that's what it's about and then two weeks after it you're like i ordered the postmates an hour ago so it's just the same thing like i had this joke which never worked it was right after the uh the mass shooting in vegas and everyone was like the most american people were the people that you know risked danger to help others and i was like no the most american people were the people that right after that shooting walked down to the front desk to complain about the noise you know it was a little loud last night you know maybe a coupon for lunch you know we've been coming here a long time and quite frankly a lot of sirens you know i was like that's the most american so we will go back to petty we have to get you know i had to publish this for like 25 minutes and uh i fired her after she uh two weeks after i uh did wrote and she texted me she went you did rogan so you're like that all right i got a guy i said let's go yeah also she asked me to uh uh her ex-boyfriend who had blocked her on facebook she wanted me to go and look what relationship status he was in so i said she might not be the most professional in this oh yeah this was a real problem she's charging you real fees like she's charging me money and i and i so i had to say no to her and uh but she said she goes i'm gonna try to get you like uh this was a fact she was trying to get me like like she wanted mega bus to endorse me because this was like when i used to take mega buses to shows like not currently but like i had a bit about it my act like megabus so she goes we'd like you know i would love to you know we'd love to get to get a mega buster you and mega bus in business explain megabus to people well megabus is just it's the bus that passes you buy and it goes for a dollar get on yeah and it's never a dollar but it's always like it's right as the buses go it's a pretty good option it's like a double decker it's college kids old people you know hippies it's not that bad it's not like greyhound and then it starts to fall off a little bit it gets really bad uh lucky star like they get real bad they get bad they get bad but mega bus was one that i would take a lot and she goes she goes i i she goes i said this was her quote she goes it'd be great to get you in business with uh brand like megabus so i'm still open to that yeah i'm still what was your response to that great because that's what this business does to you you're like absolutely i will advertise anything wow that looks like the 3 500 cubic foot to the first air conditioner i send i'm d platformed like right afterwards and i call mike i go dude what happened i just sent an air conditioner it was like a duel meaning you know who got halsey pregnant i don't either who is it are you saying it's are you saying it's me drop in the air we [ __ ] a lot a lot because i like her the whiny nature of her whatever she does and uh but i'm dating billy eilish oh how's that how's that going where's your legal now she's legally uh how is it it's very sad she's very moody a little emo for my taste it's a little sad and a little vegan for my liking where'd you meet um uh where did we meet i i was i don't know some seance i don't know what she does uh have you seen the documentary about her the documentary about it is like a horror movie where it's like it's like she's clearly very talented but like the doc that's coming out about her now it's like this horrific why i don't know i'm like everything's okay you're doing well it's like that dixie the millionaire has that song sometimes i don't want to be happy it's like no you're going to be happy and you're going to be [ __ ] happy now 800 000 people a week are filing for unemployment you're singing in a mansion you're going to be happy or we're going to throw you in a volcano i'm sorry but that we've i don't care well money doesn't make you hap shut up like you can't release a song during a pandemic and an economic collapse and go sometimes i don't wanna be happy it's like udata you gotta be happy it's relatable bieber dropped lonely wasn't exciting i guess what i'm realizing about podcasting as i'm talking to you is i'm kind of shy yeah like i'm not this like this is hard for me to do right it's difficult because you're like hiding behind a computer writing the thing giving it and then doing the thing after it's been practiced for a long time well for the every time i leave a podcast i have a complete nervous breakdown i was like that was terrible i'm quitting podcasting for the no because you're when you're authentic you're real everyone loves you it's just like the you listen everyone's got to get used to it it's very different and i think that like for the first half of your career the movies were silent these were silent films so you just had to look at someone and they knew what you were talking about you didn't have to learn dialogue or anything and then when they started doing color they did color and you're like oh my god i'm in color and then they did then they did talking in the films dialogue you've seen all of these advancements happening now people have tvs in their home like you saw people get tvs in their home in the beginning you were on a show called the shadow which was a radio show which was one of the top radio shows and they would interrupt it every now and then when there was an announcement about the war but you've gone through all of these things and now you're like now you just have to learn how to be yourself now now you're just back oh god what we're doing now is back to the basics i think we have a gift for you oh my god we have a fan here oh wow uh no an actual fan like a rotating yeah same place i bought the air conditioner jake jake bro do you have a gift oh thank you okay we do have a gift yeah okay okay wait can i is it a gun is this where i get killed yes don't don't that's okay if it happens like the joker fight for the monetization just just as a preface this dude has watched everyone from mike tyson to every single person you know that's been on the show walk into the show and he messaged me today and he said you know i'm hearing rumblings that tim dillon's coming on the show like yeah yeah our homie timmy d he's been on before like we're friends with the guy i have to i have to get him something i'm like that's so sweet thank you so much he lives in the studio it's also a really strange gift before you leave l.a dude i appreciate this so much so much oh it's a gift certificate to craigs i [ __ ] love craig thank you so much thank you so much i love this thank you dude i really appreciate this and they just they just opened restaurants no i i appreciate this and this is good outdoor the amount of this is half of one appetizer so i like i think that's very how much how much i have fifty dollars yeah at craigslist that's wonderful no i appreciate it let's leave the kids i do listen this is very nice i appreciate it thank you so much he's sure he loves craigslist he's i love him i'm like i'm like yeah it's not a lot somebody goes he's homeless oh thank you thank you so much he lives in a tent outside this house he's doing something nice i'm like well god dang no thank you dude there's many like they're gonna be closed down they were cool like they were cool in the sense that you could walk by you see like live octopus and stuff down in chinatown now i think that's over i actually think chinatown in new york city is gonna you know sadly it's they're gonna have their they are gonna have a long hard road back yep because not only are those markets probably gonna have to close but then i think a lot of people's people just going to be nervous about going down there and look i i that's true i i think that you know a lot i don't think it's time yet to go like what are all the like silver linings coming out of this right i'm seeing a lot of rich hollywood people be like but it's so good for the environment like okay yes but not yet like we're yeah people are dying everyone's like this dolphins are back in the canals in venice and it's like that's great my grandmother's burning 50 you know we can't hold a funeral for my uncle oh where are the swans where are the swans are back in venice

Channel: YINYANG MONKEY

Views: 226,205

Rating: 4.8748336 out of 5

Keywords: yinyangmonkey, tim dillon, tim dillon funny moments, tim dillon funniest podcast moments, theo von, this past weekend, theo von tim dillon, tfatk tim dillon, podcast, comedian, stad up comedy, comedy, joey diaz, tim dillon joey diaz, lee syatt, the church of whats happening now

Id: dvdOkjwiNIk

Length: 16min 38sec (998 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 04 2021