Things Are Going So Well for Biden, Trump Says Someone Else Must Be Running the Country

hello there i'm jimmy i'm the host thanks for watching our show thanks for remaining conscious or semi-conscious whichever it is hey you know what we got some good news for a change today president biden announced that by april 19th every adult in the country will be eligible to get the vaccine you get a shot and you get a shot and you get a shot and you get a shot oh thanks president jopra this is a i have to say this is going to be a solid plan you get vaxxed on 419 then you smoke it up on 4 20. it's really going to be the timing is beautiful this vaccine i've been thinking about it's kind of like losing your virginity like you're you know your kid one of your friends does it tells you all about it it's exciting then another one does it tells you what it's like and then the months go by and all of a sudden you realize you're the only person you know that hasn't been poked and you start imagining it all the time wondering when maybe even get so desperate you're willing to pay for it i guess what i'm trying to say is this isn't my first rodeo i've been here before but every day it seems like it seems like we learned something new that makes some of our behavior over the past year seem ridiculous the cdc is now saying that the risk of getting the virus from a surface that is contaminated with covid is less than one in ten thousand so in other words the guy at your office with the big jug a germicide spray he's fired he will never see him again and all those clorox disinfectant wipes that we hoarded the cdc says they're no better than regular soap so we should have known look at lysol the word lie is right there in the name but i guess this means we can go back to licking our shopping carts again i don't know here in california our governor gavin newsom says we now have the lowest positivity rate in the country after having the highest positivity rate and the plan is to have the state totally reopened by june 15th that's the good news for governor newsom the bad news is he may have a high profile challenger in the recall election none other than caitlyn jenner the olympic gold medalist is said to be actively exploring a run for governor well you know what if anyone represents change you can believe in it's caitlyn jenner i mean but running as a republican which i guess is the plan what's her platform going to be banning herself from women's restrooms jenner is working as i guess with a consultant named carolyn wren who's a long time republican fundraiser who helped organize the rally trump held right before the attack on the capitol january 6th so she's in good hands maybe you know what maybe caitlyn and arnold will team up to form governor schwarzenegger that would really be something but you know this is historic we may finally have a female governor of california and it's caitlyn jenner keep your fingers crossed everybody the department of health and human services has come up with a creative way to get people excited about covet safety they're hosting a competition called the mask innovation challenge now this is a contest anyone can enter you can enter your mask idea or design and the winners get to split a cash prize of 400 000 they basically turn the government into an episode of project runway but 400 000 is a lot of dollars and so we got to work today trying to win it and here it is the winning mask idea ladies and gentlemen allow me to present the mask shirt [Applause] very bazooka joe and you don't ever have to put the mask on because you're already wearing the mask at all times how does it feel guillermo oh great do you feel safe from covid yeah it's very safe all right you heard it make the checkout to james c kimmel you know i have to say i love this contest the best ideas always come about a year too late you know you could wear that upside down and it could be underpants too right yeah yeah i think you're right yeah all right you can take that down now hey colorado's got a fun contest going on the state of colorado is auctioning off marijuana themed license plates these are personalized plates the proceeds will go to charity and the plates have pot related words on them like hemp and ganja are two of the offerings this is the auction that finally answers the question how big do you have to be to bid 8 000 on a license plate that says bong on it they really will go to the highest bidder there are only 14 plates available it's a limited edition most of the words make sense but like indica and sativa but then there's this one one of the words is happy which really hap happy is a word for drugs now and if that's the case who's gonna tell this guy because i i've always suspected he was on something we have a new national championship in college basketball for the first time in two years baylor bested the fictitious university known as gonzaga to win their first ever men's basketball title last night they opened a spokane whoop ass on them you know i have to say i make fun of gonzaga but they deserve a lot of credit for making it to the finals especially when all their players look like extras from boogie nights gonzaga was undefeated going in but when they got to the end they lost because they had to lose i mean you understand they couldn't win right it would blow their cover where is a school that doesn't exist supposed to put a trophy they don't even have shelves so the big cover-up continues for another year gonzaganon is what they call it this was a big day of sports for texas yesterday besides baylor the rangers had a home opener against the blue jays in front of a sold out crowd more than 38 thousand potential infectees crammed into the state look at that they just couldn't wait to pee in a trough again it was the first sporting event in north america without crowd size restrictions many of the fans were defiantly masculist i like that adult men will go to a baseball stadium and wear a glove the whole game for the 1 in 98 000 chance they might catch a foul ball but mask no way out of the question and by the way yeah actually did a very clever thing you know how they kept the virus away they did the wave and it just fanned it all the way to arkansas our former president popped up on newsmax today where he encouraged his maga heads to boycott baseball and warned against wokeness and also this is the move now that things are going well they can't possibly credit joe biden for turning the country around so trump and company like to say someone else must be running their country i think other people are making most of the decisions but i may be wrong about that i don't know yeah look i don't i don't really know very well but to be honest with you somebody's making decisions let's put it this way bernie sanders if he if he ever won he would never have gone anywhere near this he cannot believe what's going on this is bernie sanders on steroids our country's becoming a socialist nation this is bernie sanders on steroids bernie sanders on steroids i wonder what that would look like would that oh not bad at all he's feeling the burn in the gym now you know last night i turned on pbs i know i didn't know you could still do that either but i did i turned it on and the minute i turned it on the doorbell rang and a tote bag showed up it was unbelievable so i was watching because i was watching the new ken burns documentary about ernest hemingway have you been watching this guillermo no no no no you're not really i don't know honey not interested no i'm not not into that i just noticed it says mask shirt on it yeah right yeah because we wouldn't have known from the thing you know all right anyway um oh joining us now from his top secret hideout in walpole new hampshire please welcome the man himself the multi-emmy award-winning filmmaker ken burns hello ken hey jimmy how are you thanks for joining us thank you i have to say i really enjoy i've been looking forward to seeing this documentary i you know ernest hemingway is one of those guys that you think you know like almost everything about him and then to see something like this where you learn a lot about him is really so amazing and surprising too he's the most important american writer in the 20th century by far but he's got this outsized mythology of the big game hunter the deep sea fisherman the naturalist the brawler the drinker the man about town and it's really a mask that betrays a lot of vulnerability and sensitivity and that's why his writing's so good but we had to spend six years trying to get through that mask i was surprised to learn he was shy around women yeah in the very beginning and i think in some ways the way he sabotaged his own four marriages and other stuff i think he was pretty anxious about it still he was into a kind of gender fluidity uh he wanted his wives to cut their hair short and look like boys he would grow his hair long and then and then what and then they would fool around and then assume the position exactly no it's very into we learn more than i ever imagined and of course the writing is just so good and enduring and it will be around a thousand years from now and you've got so many great actors participating and playing various roles doing voiceover are you working on a documentary about covet yet because somebody has to get on that right well you know we'd like to have perspective philip graham who ran the washington post said journalism is the first rough draft of history but you don't turn in a rough draft so we need we used to say 20 25 years distance but the way things are so fast we need at least five or six or seven years before we can look back and sort of try to come to terms with not just kovid but the racial reckoning the metoo movement insurrection all of that this is as great a crisis as we've ever faced as a country along with the civil war the depression and world war ii well when you do do that and if you do want to use any footage of the mask shirt or even maybe just include the matte shirt in and i we would be very very happy to give you that gratis free of charge there will be no licensing fee at all for that so much that's so kind of you ken i know in addition to hemingway you have another project that you're working on right now something that's very personal to you and you brought us yeah go ahead yeah no no it is personal to me and it's grown out of many things and yes well it just you know it means a lot to me and and and thank you for are thinking about that well thank you for bringing us this exclusive preview of ken burns's next documentary take a look benjamin franklin once said there are three things you can count on in this lifetime death taxes and ken burns bowl cut and for 66 years those words rang true wars were won and lost societies rose and fell but ken burns perky bob served as a symbol of american resilience until 2020 when the world changed pbs and pantene pro-v present during the civil war phineas cuthbert burns was shooting his musket when it backfired perfectly singing his hairline into its now iconic shape phineas saw it as a sign of good luck and four generations of burns have carried his legacy on their heads until one blustery new hampshire afternoon in the spring of 2020. i was watching a billy ray cyrus tick-tock and it looked like he was having so much fun with that wind-swept hair and i thought i'd like to have fun with my hair too on july 17th of that year ken received a letter from his barber dearest kenneth my heart is made heavy by your absence these past six months but i keep a lock of your hair as remembrance in the hope that one day you will return to me so i can place the burns family bowl back on your head and cut around it with my scissors just as my father and grandfather did before me locks of love lou coming up ken burns faces the frizzies ah when hair i am returns well thank you ken i think that one looks like another winner ken burns hemingway airs on pbs you can get it on the app you can watch it on tv through april 7th and all three episodes are streaming now at pbs.org thank you ken burns hi i'm jimmy kimmel and i am not allowed to eat this cookie until you click the subscribe button so please click now i'm hungry

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,610,377

Rating: 4.7188511 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, California, Los Angeles, Joe Biden, Biden, POTUS, Vaccine, Masks, Facemask, Baseball, Health and Human Services, Guillermo, Colorado, Weed, Texas, Donald Trump, Trump, Newsmax, Bernie Sanders, Ken Burns, Gavin Newsom, Caitlyn Jenner, Gonzaga, Documentary

Id: tmto4iJoBu8

Length: 13min 41sec (821 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 06 2021