These Are the Signs of Dating a Psychopath

[Music] dating someone new it always begins with a first impression but even if it's the best first impression of all time how will the relationship look if that person is a clinical psychopath how much can you read from that first impression really here to tell you how to spot the signs of a psychopath when it comes to dating relationships and yes sex its dr. Seth Meyers dr. Meyers what is a psychopath so a psychopath is someone who would test positive on a psychology test called the psychopathy checklist revised which was developed by someone named Robert hare so it is a specific psychological measure that includes many different areas of a person's functioning in life that will help assess does this person have psychopathic traits a lot of people use the term sociopath thinking that is an appropriate term I've spent years getting educated and training in psychopathy to get to the point where I understand sociopaths is not a clinical term when people use that what they're referring to is antisocial personality disorder so antisocial personality disorder is a personality disorder that means someone doesn't show guilt remorse they have several factors that make relationships and functioning in their life overall difficult someone who is a full-blown psychopath is even more severe than that so again they would need to be tested by something we called the the PCL or the P CLR and there are several hallmarks one of them is what's something we call callous disregard so in their relationships with others they show a callousness they show a callous disregard they don't really care about others feelings but it's not like an anger offensive way of not caring it's just like that it just doesn't compute you know so they show a callous disregard they don't show remorse they are impulsive they are hostile they can be very aggressive note that however Psychopaths are not always necessarily murderers you can have someone who is a psychopath who extorts millions of dollars in a banking scheme from someone I'm not not naming any names here but there are psychopaths of all different kinds but at the end of the day they don't care about exploiting others because all they care about is meeting their own needs I've talked to other doctors about Psychopaths and even in this example I hear them being referred to as men most often are men are there more cycle men who are Psychopaths than women the research that we have on Psychopaths is usually based on studies that have been conducted among incarcerated individuals so we get those those datasets from jails from prisons and whatnot so yes the research says more males are psychopaths than females what I would say is that there are more female Psychopaths then we probably currently believe mmm nobody thinks of a woman not a psychopath plus when you think about the way men and women are socialized boys are socialized go get it on the football field girls are socialized to play nicely with the other girls I know so at the end of the day males and females are both human beings and have a lot of the same central elements absolutely let's talk about a hypothetical scenario I'm at a party and somebody approaches me to start flirting with me and they are a psychopath but obviously I do not know this what does that flirting look like here are signs in a social setting that this person may be a psychopath so they flatter you they don't just flatter you you look great it is excessive flattery they can't make you feel any better they may make you feel like there is this connection between the two of you it's who knows where it's from it's like I've known you my whole life they may try to ask you very personal questions questions that feel a little too personal for a first or second meeting now the person may think they're doing this that's a sign they're really interested they really care actually what they're doing is trying to get a sense of what makes you tick trying to get a sense of your weaknesses and vulnerabilities because later they will use that to their advantage so the psychopath is motivated above all else by power life is a chess game they are perpetrators and they are going to win there's no equality or intimacy with Psychopaths they couldn't care less it's a game they can be ruthless and they will win and they love to play it they don't know any other way that's the only option there are no options Wow what would but how would I know though if I'm being hit on by a psychopath or somebody that just maybe had three margaritas and really thinks you know there's so so when you ask that question you're not taking into account Kyle the actual instincts you have that would be at work mmm right so let me give an example I could say something to you after just meeting meeting you having a couple drinks with you I could say something like you are one of the most beautiful people I've seen in my whole life mmm that wouldn't feel right right that's weird it yeah where if I had been like you're you're beautiful yeah that feels more normal the way I said it it makes you feel like it's like a line from a movie it's like they studied it they're saying the words but they're you're not feeling an emotion match up with it so so that is the most important point for the audience to take away no matter the specifics or the mechanics and the interaction something about the interaction left you feeling a little unsettled or a little bit distrusting then why do people not follow that gut an intuition and say man you know it's flatter me I'm gonna go for you know because the people who end up falling prey to the psychopath they're in a vulnerable place in their life they're lonely mm-hmm they have started to question whether anybody really could ever be attracted to them maybe they feel too old too fat you know a lot of psychopaths will prey on the elderly will prey on wealthy individuals will prey on sad depressed lonely isolated individuals they make great targets you know like any of us when our defenses are down when we are not in a place in our lives where we feel really good about ourselves across the board we're all more likely to make bad decisions when or does a psychopath use sex for power rather than for sexual gratification so sex and the psychopath it's it's a very unique dynamic compared to anyone else and the relationship they have with sex so when a psychopath has sex it's not for the same reasons for example the research shows as a rule Psychopaths tend to be more promiscuous they tend to have more and shorter romantic relationships Psychopaths will be motivated to have sex for any of the following reasons boredom because Psychopaths their central nervous systems seek the thrill the rush so Psychopaths may seek sex no matter if they're married or whatever because they need the rush to defend against the boredom Psychopaths may pursue sex as a means of getting something they're the person they're having sex with they know has a nice place and that the psychopath doesn't have a place so the psychopath might want to move into that place so it's always for a reason it's often boredom it's for power it's for money it's for a housing situation it's always for a purpose and as as as much as the psychopath may act emotionally invested in the sex and perform I mean we're talking circus sex that Psychopaths may give you the best sex of your life but it's a performance it's a performance designed to get the Psychopaths something that they want and it's not intimacy oh that's the first time I've heard the term circus sex only from a psychopath apparently goodness all right so if you find yourself in a relationship with a psychopath you did not listen to your instincts they got what they wanted and they're gone how do you begin to heal from that well healing after a relationship with the psychopath is not that different than the wounds it takes someone healing from a relationship with the severe alcoholic or addict or narcissist it takes years to trust again years this type of relationship it's a trauma and one of the sad things is after you break up even though you didn't really do anything wrong you then turn the anger on yourself I was so stupid why didn't I see you tell people so-and-so turns out he was a psychopath do you know how many people will actually look at you but not say it and think like you didn't see it ya know so it's it's it's it's many years what you have to do if you have suffered from a relationship with the psychopath with a severe narcissist with a severe abuser you need to say to yourself that it could have happened to anyone that you will learn from your mistakes that you will be in better touch with your feelings going forward and that you will make sure your next partner understands exactly what you went through and that is intimacy you'll have in your next relationship that you didn't have in your earlier one well that was my next question I'm thinking about the person who's dating someone who had previously dated a psychopath what do they begin to do to let them know hey I'm I'm not that way I'm not just using you this isn't for power especially when the Psychopaths did it so perfectly I don't if that happened to me I don't know how I can ever trust anybody again right so if if you are in the position of dating somebody who's the last relationship was with someone like this right you need to understand that's gonna be the white elephant in the room for for a few good years in this relationship Wow right kind of like you can start a relationship with someone who's depressed or as bipolar disorder or just started recovery from alcohol or drugs six months ago you can have great relationships but it's gonna be a part of the relationship you're gonna need to deal with it you're gonna need to work through it together when the person you're dating gets triggered and they try to turn you into that person that is the psychopath that is the severe narcissist etc you need to not emotionally react so just say I bet that really wasn't my intention I really I really love you I'm not gonna try to hurt you and then they say yeah but you just press pause and give them a little space they are going to be dealing with the effects of that psychological trauma for a long time so you're gonna have to deal with some of it but it's not your job to deal with all of it and for you to get too involved or react to every single piece of it you're gonna get dragged down it's not going to be good for anybody yeah that's understandably so well truly fascinating and I'm sure a lot of people will be a little more aware next time someone comes and starts to flirt with them when they're out and about in our next episode of our personality disorder and relationship series we're going to discuss with dr. Myers what you can do if you find yourself obsessing or fixating consistently on a person or even a thing and his one quick hack to help you mitigate that dr. Myers thanks for being here we'll see you weak [Music]

Channel: MedCircle

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Keywords: psychopath, psychopathy, what is a psychopath, psychopath test, psychopath vs sociopath, sociopath vs psychopath, are you a psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder, personality disorder, how to spot a psychopath, personality, psychopath signs, signs, antisocial, sociopaths, aspd, disorder, expert, psychology, psychologist, Psychopath, dated, mental illness, mental health, ramani durvasula, medcircle, kyle kittleson, interview, discussion, education, educational videos, video, youtube

Id: v_HrQJbrPic

Length: 14min 26sec (866 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 19 2020