Joe Rogan | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #403

i want to announce some upcoming tour dates i'll be coming to see you with the return of the rat tour october 12th in wichita kansas at the orpheum october 13th omaha nebraska at the holland performing arts center and october 14th denver colorado at the paramount theater all tickets go on sale this wednesday august 10th at 10 a.m local time with the pre-sale code rat king and then friday august 12th they will be on sale generally with no pre-sale code you can get all tickets through theovonne.com tour those are trusted links on there if you go elsewhere you may get an untrustworthy link and that could lead to upselling prices so theovon.com tour i also want to tell you we have some new be good to yourself teas in new summertime colorways like banana salmon and more you can check those out and more at theovonstore.com thank you today's guest was grateful enough to let us tape out of his studio down in austin texas he's a linchpin in the mixed martial arts community and a prized ufc commentator he's the host of the largest podcast on planet earth the joe rogan experience and his new hour of standup comedy is the best comedy that i've seen him do we're grateful to have him here today mr joe rogan [Music] [Music] [Applause] we're live and we're back we're doing your podcast though yeah thank you man thanks for thanks thank you for the hospitality and um and uh for jumping on me i appreciate it my pleasure for letting us do it here been having some fun yeah we have man last night was really cool it's a good time right yeah the new place looks great doesn't it yeah do you feel it when you go in there do you feel like um was it scary to start to think okay i'm going to build like an actual building for comedy i mean it's like a whole new business kind of isn't it yeah it's kind of overwhelming it's a little overwhelming it's kind of crazy yeah did um all right it's exciting but it's part of me is like what the [ __ ] yeah because i was listening to you show it to me and i was like damn joe it felt like you were like a um con like a contractor like a you know like uh um like a landlord kind of it was like oh this is a whole it feels like a whole different uniform kind of it's a totally different thing but luckily i got people running it so my participation in that aspect of it will hopefully be minimal yeah you know but it is uh it's definitely you know but i felt like i felt compelled i felt compelled to do it you know because i always felt like if you you know i never wanted to own a comedy club but i always felt like you just have to be nice to comedy club owners because you never want to be one of those [ __ ] people right but then when i knew i was moving here and cap city was already closed i was like maybe i should buy a [ __ ] club and start a club and so that became my focus it became this thing where i was thinking i really should do that i really should like set it up so that i'm setting up the right way so i'm not setting up to try to make money i'm just setting up to make an amazing environment for comedy and have a home for comedians where they just feel good yeah if they can go there and that's a great spot to hang out and you just feel good about the the atmosphere you'll be able to perform well you'll be treated well like everyone would be you know treated with respect and with fun and just a good attitude has the city been receptive to it has there been like any like kickback like that has there been any like barriers to creating a comedy club that you didn't expect just because you've never done it before it's a it's a process i mean it took a long time to get the permits and all that stuff but it wasn't you know it's just normal it's normal for any business and especially if you're going to get a liquor license and all that jazz and you're gonna have live performance yeah dude i heard you and that guy they were talking about y'all talking about horse sex and the in the uh when i pulled up in the lobby like okay this is my kind of place today dude i saw in new orleans one time they had a lot of the cops in the french quarter on horseback yeah and two of the horses started [ __ ] with them with the cops on them bro were the cops getting mad one of them was was the other one excited the one in the back i think was kind of [ __ ] vibing with it a little because at least he was in the winning position you know right you don't want to be the guy where the horse gets done [ __ ] that horse and he starts [ __ ] you yeah yeah or the horse collapses and you get trapped under it i saw a horrible video the other day of these dudes were racing horses they're running and a dog a yappy dog runs out onto the track and the horse trips over the dog and the guy dies what was the dog running out there to tell them something or something uh yeah no like degrees oh just some shitty dog that thought it'd be a good idea to bark at a [ __ ] horse and the horse trips and the horse is in full throttle and the horse trips over this dog and the you know lands on this guy the guy goes you know the horse goes head first and the guy goes with him so the guy goes down the horse comes on top of him and crushes him and the guy died you want to see it yeah okay i'll find it i'll see it man i didn't want to at first but now you're thinking about it now i'm in dude they had a fundraiser one time when i was going to lsu they had a fundraiser there for a guy who had gotten hurt playing football right yeah so they raised all this money they wanted to get him a nice fancy wheelchair one that has like you know like everything on it like the um centrifuge or whatever you can have on a wheelchair right speakers and um and also get him a golden retriever like an animal because he had gotten uh paraplegia from playing football right they get him those things right there's fundraisers a couple of different at a couple of different lsu games people are walking around the parking lot with buckets and stuff raising funds they get him that and they give it to him and then a few months later they got the dog had the wheelchair or whatever it had like life support on it for the guy as well he had to have some kind of like oxygen system the dog pulled the plug out from the thing and the guy died no yeah oh no so but yeah seeing those horses [ __ ] made me want to be a cop dude for a little while this [ __ ] look like a party especially in new orleans you know where people are kind of dancing anyway in the street i can't find the video but i can find you a video of a komodo dragon swallowing with a deer hole all right that'll do if that's what i gotta take dude that's your second option bro did you see that um we made the uh fox news last night i get home right i'm looking at some different news sites that front page of fox news was joe rogan reading the tick tock oh when we were reading the terms of uh service yeah [ __ ] crazy right yeah but it was the front it was the main thing yeah it was it was like and it almost was like i was like watch this watch this video this is bananas he already swallowed it he'll he'll do it again here he goes watch this wow that quickly ate that whole deer hey swallowed a goat sorry i've never look at that seems like it's sped up a little i've never had goat it's good it's an unusual tasting meat i had aardvark at a wedding one time aardvark yeah what kind of wedding was that it was um i think it was just like a white wedding or something like they said it was hard work it could have been something else though or they could have missed white wedding no it was like a regular like uh two whites getting married you know they ate aardvark they said they were yeah this was in louisiana when i was growing up it was a fancy french place and they said that they had hard bark over there so we believed them um but yeah i just thought it was crazy that so the so the head so like it was like the night after we did the interview same day right so the the the head article is joe rogan reads the tick tock agreement right it's like it's almost like someone said like is joe the only person who's reading the terms of service of things in america and the rest of us are just using [ __ ] like right out of the box like not even paying attention to what's going on that's what i felt like a little bit i think a lot of people are now with with things like tick tock because there's been a lot of articles written about it and a lot of people calling for it to be banned because it's basically chinese spyware but if they get us then what would they like so say we talked about it a little bit the other day but say they get like they infiltrate all the electronics they get all the data and everything but then how do they get us as people like how do they get us into the cages well i don't think it's as simple as get people in the cages i think what they want is intellectual property they want to steal data and they want to like if they have access to your computer and say what if you're working on some [ __ ] weapon system or what if you're working on something some communication system and they have access to your computer they can steal that data from your computer because they have access to it because you're using tick tock so it's just about information yeah one of the more disturbing things is saying that they have access to computers that aren't even being used for tick tock right like other computers which is just that's crazy it's so insane that that would actually be something that someone would allow they had a an engineer a software engineer back engineered tick tock and said it was the most in terms of like invasion of privacy it was the most egregious example that they'd ever found so wouldn't do wouldn't there be some some comp some structure or template in american society or government or hierarchy that would protect us from that sort of thing why that's what i understand sometimes why isn't there like a something that protects us from that sort of thing or is it just our own responsibilities i don't know what they can do now other than ban it but i know they were talking about bannon banning it for a while but then there was some sort of a deal that was made where the data was going to go the from the american version of tick tock was going to go to america but it turns out that it's not it's going straight to china and then they get the version to america see if that's correct see that sounds like what i read that's pretty good yeah and we're gonna keep using it it's almost like because what like what if they hit they told women there's a makeup that would steal your face right [Laughter] like you put it on and it's gonna put your face in china yeah and then we still use it right i mean that just shows me the level of addiction that we have to uh social media yeah yeah i mean it's a it's an addiction they have an office here tick tock has an office in austin for people that need help yeah you know how i found about that some lady was heckling at the creek in the cave and she said like what do you do she's like i work for tick-tock damn [Laughter] how old was she she's in her 20s oh that's all right dude tony ripped into that lady the other night that lady was a tables very sad there was some [ __ ] drunks last night man some rowdy ass people for a tuesday yeah you crushed man it was fun it was cool i hadn't seen you performing along i mean i hadn't seen a lot of people performing a long time yeah it's uh here it goes leaked audio from 80 internal tick tock meetings show that user data u.s user data has been repeatedly accessed from china i feel like with these tools there's some back door to access user data in almost all of them said an internal auditor hired to help tick-tock close off chinese access to sensitive information like americans birthdays and phone numbers and if you look at the terms of service it's a lot more than that yeah what they have the ability to access is a lot more than that that the terms of service is nuts just reading that any company that would try to sell you on social media and it's one thing to like say oh we're going to target ads in your direction we're kind of used to that right whatever like with google and share like i don't mind if they send ads my way but that what they're doing is nuts they have access to your audio that means they have access to your [ __ ] microphone they're listening to you talk that's scary yeah like if you're having a conversation like we're to do this deal with china and what we're going to sell them is this but how much [ __ ] they have to listen to just people [ __ ] listening you know like talking to an animal or [ __ ] you know like uh recording like a recipe for a buddy or something like how much [ __ ] are they having to [ __ ] say like it's almost sad if there's just like a you know just a feel like a football field of chinese people just listening to americans like [ __ ] and clear their throat and [ __ ] i think most that stuff they're not interested in they're interested in targeting specific individuals like let's say you're uh an executive at a big software company okay and they know that your kids are using tick tock and their kids you're also using your computer well they get access to your computer now right this is what it seemed to me i mean obviously i'm a ludite luddite luddite when it comes to this [ __ ] so i'm just explaining from what i'm reading in terms of like what could this could be interpreted as they they have access to your keystrokes yeah meaning like whatever you're typing right you're typing to your wife like i'm tired of your [ __ ] like whatever you're typing they have access to that but it's just crazy that all of them are going to be in their sleep those people that work there in the middle of the night they just have some love letter to some [ __ ] you know a couple gay dudes or you know some [ __ ] you know kid like sending his you know like dirty pictures to his buddies it's just like they're going to be [ __ ] losing their minds i don't think they're processing all that i know what you're saying but i don't think they would access that yeah i think what they would do is use it specifically to target individuals that they think are working on valuable information stuff yeah or if someone was like doing something that was the the chinese party deemed bad for china you know maybe some chinese person over here was like uh selling chinese information to him they could find out all kinds of stuff say this something like this happens right you're like you're leaving work okay okay and things got compromised out in the world you were at work you're doing a podcast episode or something and like things just kind of hit that level where it's like maybe a couple police precincts have been taken over just by vandals and crazies like like the pendulum starting uh things are getting like a wall right and then everything the purge right so you're driving home you're getting [ __ ] cam haines is sending you have [ __ ] a thousand hammers you know what i'm saying like you're getting all of you everybody's just texting you you know jocko is like i'm i'm not even waking up tomorrow for work i'll be up all you know i'm just gonna be up at 4 30 right like everything's all what do you do like how do you this is the end this is when it's like all right joe rogan you hear you know what i'm saying you hear it just comes from god or from something like a strong wind with a [ __ ] with a voice box in it you it's like this is it this is the apocalypse you're leaving work this is it i guess you have to respond to each individual situation um on you it's like each thing will be unique like is someone trying to break in your house is someone trying to rob your you know someone trying to break in your car while you're driving okay so you have an hour you have kind of an hour to give we'll give you 90 minutes you have 90 minutes to kind of get before that you're gonna start to feel some pressure what do you do i don't know i just load up some magazines oh i'm [ __ ] but i'm wondering what do you do you know that's what i would do i'd probably load up some magazines okay into what into guns okay okay okay yeah i see i didn't know if you [ __ ] i'm reading time magazine dude i'm like i just see joe with as many copies of field and stream as you can [ __ ] live well you could use those magazines as like protection you stack enough of them okay so each other okay now you're thinking slow bullets down okay but say like you pick up your family or something do you guys stay do you have a bunker i don't currently but this conversation is making me want a bunker yeah yeah yeah i've wanted a ranch for that very reason like if [ __ ] goes completely sideways it would be great if there's a place with water and food we got you got your water you got your food like on the property okay what about if you're kind of in a city or you're in like a um like what's maybe a business or something you'd hold up in you think is viable a business that i'd hold up in it would have to be some sort of fortified establishment like the mall no no you'd have to get something that you could defend dude the mall yeah the mall i think you'd have probably like think of all you could hide in the [ __ ] macy's behind all the hiding cinnabon behind the counter yeah yeah just squeeze the frost into your mouth and [ __ ] it would be a good excuse to eat that food because like i got to eat something and that stuff will keep because a lot of that stuff has like all the um preservatives preservatives in it so you'd have that you'd have mannequins in there think about that you could set up like a um like a mirage right right right like a fake sort of situation yeah where people would think that dude but you're behind that yeah right yeah so the mall i think could be good hmm yeah i've been thinking about that um i would go to the mall really yeah the mall yeah because nobody's at the mall anymore but the dumbest people are at the mall they're gonna [ __ ] it up for you they gotta go they're gonna go the russians are here guys okay shut the [ __ ] up i'm pretending to be a mannequin i'm like hey give me a medium yeah that's gonna be the problem is dumb people when [ __ ] goes south there's some people that just like they're [ __ ] they're ditch diggers they're dumb people they're they're [ __ ] they're minimum wage thinkers but they're gonna have a lot of weapons though probably maybe i don't know every i think a lot of people have weapons now but i think if things go sideways a lot of people are going to panic in the chaos right oh immediately people will be panicking people will be trying to group up some people will be trying to salvage [ __ ] that is going to go that person's going to go yeah there's going to be a lot of people that are going to fall apart but that's always like whenever things go weird people fall apart you know a lot of people don't respond to pressure very well yeah yeah i know i got stuck in an elevator one time i was at mardi gras and uh we were in there for like 17 minutes and some dude there's two girls and there's like nine people it was like a busy day at mardi gras i'm there with my buddy josh kelly he's a musician he's playing we take this elevator and like nine of us get stuck in this elevator for like maybe an hour but you can hear mardi gras going around we're like how long are we gonna be in here and we're in there in a little while and some guy goes to two girls in there he goes don't worry nobody in here is gonna rape y'all that's what he said and if suddenly like everything in there just changed we're like nobody's even thinking about that [ __ ] you know how big is this elevator it was probably honestly i bet it was almost as big as this table big out big elevator yeah maybe two feet smaller on that end maybe one foot so not so big elevator yeah and some guy kept trying to just pull the doors open as hard as he could and how many people are in there with you i would say seven people seven people and two of them are girls yeah boy suck to be them after that idiot has to say that yeah yeah dude because you have to think about that yeah no one's gonna rape you like what the [ __ ] man imagine and if he's not thinking about raping them then you think he's gonna be thinking about you know did anybody tell him to shut the [ __ ] up uh people just said calm down calm down you know it was but it was just interesting how it escalated like you know things started to escalate if you are struggling with addiction and you don't know how much help you need or where you should go for help or if you need to go to treatment or or or anything if you don't know what to do i want to recommend recover here recover here is a trusted resource that assists motivated individuals searching for addiction treatment to find the best options available recover here provides a professional evaluation at no cost and helps you find the best treatment option with respect to your individual circumstances recover here can save you time money and most importantly your life by helping you navigate comfortably through your recovery journey if you're struggling with addiction i've been there and it can get better visit recover.com that's r-e-c-o-v-e-r-h-e-r-e dot com to get started on your recovery journey today well boys and girls it's august and that means it's national hair loss awareness month did you know that two out of three guys may experience some form of hair loss by the time they are 35 hmm kind of a lot isn't it luckily in most cases hair loss can be prevented and treated and keeps is here to help once hair loss starts it usually doesn't stop or reverse on its own the earlier you take action the more hair you're likely to keep keeps clinically proven treatments are 90 effective at stopping hair loss and 66 of men even experience regrowth yum keeps offers a simple affordable and stress-free way to keep your hair via convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months you don't have to leave your home if you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss go to keps dot com slash theo to receive your first month of treatment for free and you'll be supporting the show that's k-e-e-p-s dot com slash t-h-e-o to get your first month free keeps.com slash theo have you ever been in a riot like a riot type situation no i was at beta breakers one time on mushrooms in san francisco though what is beta breakers what is that it's like a bunch of people they're like racers they're like um they race in the street you know what kind of racing um just for long distance the canyons always win it yeah running okay yeah running racing so it's a bunch of those folks bay two breakers i thought you were saying beta breakers yeah bay two breakers i thought he was saying that too so i typed in oh no beta breakers i think is a little different bay two breakers yep so that's the run yep so that's the run and you can just get in costumes and just be in the be in it it's like oh like the dude is dressed up like a pink monkey yeah how weird is that he's at the front oh mcdonald's they dressed up like ronald mcdonald yeah so people just do all kind of costumes oh interesting and we ate a bunch of shrooms out there and kind of commandeered this water table there was a water table that had kind of been left on uh unattended what is a water table just a table with a bunch of tablespoons on it okay so we got over there and people were running you know they're going and we started telling people that the water was for asian people only right oh we are crying laughing because people are running they can't stop they're trying to make a time so for some people like bro it's asians only and it was like [Laughter] and then asian people were all excited you know and we kept dousing them up dude we were [ __ ] i would take pictures with like uh people and i'd have my [ __ ] nuts hanging out the whole time yeah bro we were asking pictures of people here how old are you at the time i don't know man probably 28. [Laughter] and people like hey let's get a picture together so we get it and i just slip that bag out there baby that [ __ ] gum holster you know what i'm saying i had a friend of mine i used to do that all the time just pull his nuts out tom caught her he was on uh dancing with no uh america's got talent yeah he's so funny yeah he's a funny dude i knew tom way back in the day and he used to do what he called a sack walk or he would pull his sack out out of the zipper and just walk around and parties and he was just like no time what the [ __ ] are you doing man is nuts to be hanging out of his pants yeah he used to be able to party like that army still does who does ari he'll still party like that yeah it's interesting man he's already such an interesting dude isn't he he's a very interesting dude he's a he's a he has like he's is very much his own person yes yeah there's not a lot of people like that dude yeah i really admire that about him um so okay so the end of the world's happening and then i would be at the mall or maybe you know what what what if you went offshore in like a boat and let the [ __ ] [ __ ] let it happen watch it from a distance let it melt that'd be a good move if you had a big boat if you had a boat with food on it but boats take diesel engine fuel and that's like where are you getting your diesel from like how are you going to get that boat back to shore like what do you you know okay so you got a preps you got to have some diesel on you right you gotta have another boat with diesel you got to have a second boat a feeder boat yeah like a tanker and i'll work on that so you get a tanker tanker like 15 years worth of diesel yeah your boat's gonna be this big you're gonna have all this [ __ ] your houseboat that you're sleeping on you just smell like diesel all the time diesel's a terrible smell really i like it i like the smell of gasoline i like to smell again you know what i like the smell of magic markers sharpies pop the top yeah oh get in there dude the black ones i'll [ __ ] blm and he's snout holding baby sales that jeff bezos's boat has oh wow oh he's got a boat with sails yeah that's his that boat that giant yacht he has what that's it yeah yeah when i was looking at pictures oh so it's going to have sales a lot of the big ones do they do when i was looking them up earlier yeah there's giant boats with giant sails on them why is that so they don't have to so they can still work i think if they get stuck somewhere oh that's how they used to travel wow see that's key too you're gonna have to have that because what if you're just a backup yeah what if your stuff goes maybe jeff bezos knows some [ __ ] we don't know i'm sure he probably does does he come in here he hasn't but i would have him in you would yeah [ __ ] yeah i think that'd be interesting i'll talk to that dude my mom works for him i wonder if he knows some [ __ ] that we don't know in terms of like [ __ ] going down how addictive are those things very addictive yeah you were hitting that last night hard did you notice that stop you wouldn't stop that's how i am man if i get something i get it [Laughter] you know what i'm saying gasoline magic marker escobars whatever i'm gonna hit it one more time dude just to [ __ ] feel it well crazy head rush from those don't you yeah yeah those nicotine vape pens they're good for thinking though for whatever reason oh nicotine is a is a cognitive uh enhancer it's like a nootropic oh i don't know if i believe that but it hurt to me it makes me just not be able to sleep that good it makes me like wake up being scared no but it is it is like like that's one of the things that stephen king said really affected him uh in his writing when he quit smoking um so i got a question for you so a couple whenever you're like comics always knew that you were doing well right like but whenever you got like whenever you got your spotify deal was it scary that pete because they attached like such big figures to it in the press right was that scary that people knew that you were wealthy did that book did that was that scary at all um i wouldn't say it's scary but it's just one of those things where people like start debating whether or not you should have that money why don't they give that money to other people why don't you fix the streets and the schools and why is he good and then there's some people that just get jealous so they get angry you know and there's a lot of angry jealous comedians unfortunately and there's a lot of comedians that look at other people's success and they feel bad so they think that you're doing something bad because they feel bad because they don't like the way it makes them feel when someone's killing it like a lot of comedians are narcissists and a lot of them are very self-centered and egomaniacs yeah and so they think that when you're doing something well or something's going well for you it's somehow another take something away from them you know why does that happen do you think famine thinking people think like this is not enough for everybody with comedy there clearly is enough for everybody with podcasts there's clearly enough for everybody and when when other people are doing well it's actually better for everybody because it like gets more people interested in podcasts more people getting interested in comedy that's my take on it but i'm that's my i've always had that take i've always like tried to help other comedians oh yeah i think yeah i think i'm trying to remember you i think inspire a lot of people to try and think that way more you know i heard you talking about that on andrew schultz's uh show and i think you inspire a lot of people to try and think like yeah just br yeah you know help everybody rising tide lifts all boats yeah it's good for everybody yeah and it's good also for the art form which is good for you it's good for your act like when other people are killing it it's good for you you just can't you can't have that that miserly way of thinking that some people have or they want it all for themselves you can't just that's not good well some of it's a fee it's a i think especially for some people that they never came from anything it's a very it can be scary you know yeah yeah it can be scary it can be scary because they've never had anything so it's such like this is gonna go away you know it's like um i've probably had moments like that in my life for sure yeah where i just was like oh this yeah you think it's going to go away yeah especially well when you're not really totally established yet you just start getting a little bit of success yeah yeah was it um do you feel like since you become more of a celebrity has it made podcasting any different because like you started to get picked up by all the tablets and we got picked up for you reading the damn user agreement yeah you know it's like what is that kind of pressure like is it like you wake up in the morning you're like what is is it like a what's gonna be in this box today of i don't read it right no i just keep going i just keep doing it the same way i've always done it like this yeah sit down have a good time talk talk some [ __ ] yeah yeah i mean that's um as long as you just keep doing it the same way i mean that's why it's still successful because i do it the same way yeah i don't i don't change anything i i get better guests i get more you know people that maybe weren't interested in doing it before because it's so popular they'll do it now yeah which is great you know and then maybe some people are scared to do it now because they're scared of criticism they're scared of uh being exposed they're they're scared of the the heat that comes from all that millions of eyes on you do you think that yeah there's some people who would have you had people like that you've reached out to them like they you just think they're too scared uh there's certain people that don't feel comfortable with being in front of such a large audience yeah for sure there's a few people that i wanted to get on they're like man i don't know if i can like deal with that i'll get nervous and i've had people that wanted to do it in a more comfortable setting too like they feel like the studio audience the the studio atmosphere rather is daunting with all the cameras like couldn't we just like set it up at your house or something like that like they just start trying to mitigate whatever the pressure would be from doing something that millions of people are going to see i can understand that i mean this is i've been i've never talked to my father this much and as we've added all of our time together no i haven't i've never spent that much time with my own dad but how many laughs we've had yeah that's true laugh our ass off just the other day yeah and last night laugh our house off last night yeah yeah [ __ ] fun man [ __ ] fun it's the greatest and kill tony was so good that show is the best it's the best show kill tony's the best show for comedy for stand-ups like up and coming stand-ups there's no better atmosphere no better and there's it's the cornerstone of stand up in austin because it's such a good show and you for one minute all you have to do is just be funny all that woke [ __ ] all that virtue signaling all that's out the window all that like posing you got one minute you better come with some jokes come with some jokes yeah or just come i think people would laugh at that dude if somebody got up there and backed down for a second it depends on where it lands i don't know dude i pantsed bert crusher during one yeah i pulled his [ __ ] pants down he had no underwear on his his ass was half hanging out he stood up and he raised his arms up in the air and he took his shirt off and i [ __ ] pulled his pants right down show him that [ __ ] yeah yeah he should just go full nudist how long is it good how long until pressure goes fully nude well he did something the other day with a [ __ ] with a sock over his [ __ ] he was doing something and at that point you're just a damn nine iron dude you know what i'm saying he's halfway to [ __ ] nudity he's close all he has on his pants his pants are sagging dude my sister you uh one time was using drugs sorry i love you babe but um she uh and she's awesome she's like i love her so much and but she did some she got high with some guy on a date right and they did they went rock climbing which seems insane to do in your high and ended up at a nudist colony on top yeah i like it of some small plateau yeah wow geez oh pretty cool imagine falling naked oh i mean it's not like clothes are gonna protect you but you'd feel like they would something about falling from the would be extra scary to fall naked dude say you're falling right all right you have a turtleneck on do you put your head do you put your head inside or not i don't think you even think about it yeah you do probably have a heart attack you don't think about it you think about it you're that's what you do you're the best thinker so you don't think you would you think i would no i'd be thinking of how to cushion the flaw the fall somehow so what would you land when you think chest first probably you have a strong chest no i think you'd want to like land on your feet and try to collapse your whole body and roll but you're dead you know there's a certain height that you're just dead my buddy made love to a plane survivor one time and uh and then she ended up becoming a lesbian after that which is kind of crazy she turned her i think she never she never she just i think she's trying to help him out [Laughter] so she wasn't she wasn't straight to begin with yeah right and i think they both had a kind of buzz cut and they just [ __ ] but um what about like so has your life just because your life's so interesting man it's like so many people try to like i think emulate joe rogan you know and it i think they really emulate well i think they try to emulate you know they hear so many guests on here and people that are doing positive stuff right and so they try to emulate that universe you know um that's good yeah no it's awesome do you feel like it's ever tough for you like for you to keep up with b and joe rogan does that ever start to get to like a thing in your head is that a crazy question no it's not a crazy question but i don't think like that right i just just keep doing what i'm doing like if i stop tomorrow i'd be cool i enjoy doing everything i enjoy doing comedy i enjoy doing podcasts i enjoy doing the ufc but if i stop doing all of it tomorrow i'd find other [ __ ] to do yeah i like do you like doing stuff yeah i like doing things i would probably just get really more into archery and playing pool and uh maybe i'd start drawing again or something i mean i i don't need to do what i'm doing i need to do things right you know i'd probably just like invest more time in jiu jitsu really yeah do just different stuff yeah yeah yeah that's interesting i i think i see that with you because you mentioned archery sorry where's that button at yeah there you go buddy under the button if i have to there's a cough button it's a red button right there yeah go like that yeah sometimes i drink these kill cliffs i get a little flammy i talked to the man that runs that company really cool guy oh yeah he's the best john shout out to john yeah these are the [ __ ] man i love this this is a this flavor this ignite is uh well the ignite is the same flavor as the cbd one but this uh pineapple jalapeno was my idea this is all my drink that's why is my face all over it flaming joe let me get in this bastard get in there son that's what that is this is um all right we came up with this idea we were talking and we were talking about coming up with a specific flavor and i said you know what would be dope pineapple jalapeno and he was like oh i like it and so we went through like i think like seven or eight different versions of it until we came to this one but this one just nails it does it have honey in it you think i don't believe so i love honey dude i love honey too dude we used to go by the bus stop and we'd sneak off in the woods and get those honeysuckles remember those oh yeah [ __ ] were good dude i like honeycomb we just scoop it out with the wax and you chew on the wax so you're not even sure whether you should swallow it or spit it out ooh well that [ __ ] sounds more for something you give a young lady just getting into high school you know but if you like honeycomb like you eat honeycomb the honey's in there it tastes delicious but then you're chewing on that wax oh yeah and you're like what am i supposed to do with this wax yeah what is that wax made out of by the way because it's not wax like what is the wax made out of when a bee makes wax is that really wax beeswax what is that well yeah they say beeswax jamie can you bring that up do you mind what is wax sorry that i could ask well it's like what is wax i'll tell you what is the thing that i've never thought candle wax what is that it's made out of oils and stuff right well it's almost like a it's like a because it disappears and then it can go back to being solid it's a pretty powerful substance when you think about it but beeswax is not the same as candle wax right i mean i'm sure that they have a lot of similarities i mean people use wax on um their cars too think about that right yeah oh yeah well those are like synthetics for most boxes waxes are a diverse class of organic compounds that are lipophilic malleable solids near ambient temperatures just lost theo they include i was paying attention too that's the crazy part they include higher alkanes and lipids typically with melting points above 40 celsius melting to give low viscosity fluids waxes are insoluble in water but soluble soluble in organic non-polar solvents oh wow yeah because it is interesting if you take a thing of wax ever just melted and pour it in a thing of water just turns right back into wax or you got ass wax we're pulling that hair off oh yeah i've gotten in there baby beeswax is a natural wax produced by the honeybees of the genus apis the wax is formed into scales by eight wax producing glands in the abdominal segments of worker bees which discard it in or at the hive wow i'm not shocked dude bees are amazing well you know bees are dying too yeah bees are dying from the heat is it the heat yep they're evaporating they ejaculate and their whole body blows up is that real bring it up jamie [Laughter] i'm gonna [ __ ] do something in here today i watched a thing today on murder hornets they're trying to rename murder hornets to what okay i didn't probably die in here at temperatures over 107 degrees fahrenheit is estimated that half of male bees will die in this manner within six hours with more sensitive individuals dying after only two or three hours the headline is the manner there oh bees ejaculating themselves to death and heat waves [ __ ] yeah baby spring break baby i thought you were just making your [ __ ] up click on that hell no dude this isn't all i'm sure this is panama city beach floor please click on that link what happened this is kid rocks honey that's who's making this [ __ ] that is for sure if it's got semen in it bees ejaculating themselves to death and heat waves viral story explained all right hit that so we can hear it play yeah does it play is it just music okay yeah leading to in the u.s nearly 35 million people are under excessive heat warnings or advisories however the heat wave in europe is of particular concern due to the lack of widespread air conditioning yep the hottest day ever in the uk was recorded in congress in yorkshire july 19th hitting a temperature of 104.5 degrees fahrenheit the heat wave is left to wildfires in europe with fires breaking out in residential areas around london england on the outskirts of athens greece and the western germany let it burn two firefighters were injured while fighting a break please twist their angles there's a false headline then yeah it's a [ __ ] headline where's the bees it's not in that video where's the bees they're jerking off to death there they are we don't know why drones ejaculate when they get too stressed who doesn't [Music] allison mcafee a postdoctoral fellow at the university of british columbia's michael smith laboratories told newsweek ejaculation kills them because it basically eviscerates their abdomen this happens during natural mating too drone honeybees always die after mating oh what a terrible way to go would you but they still do it maybe it's suicide they don't know any better oh yeah they don't know till after they don't have books [ __ ] yeah what if you could make a little bitty book that told them they can't read imagine what a bcs they have like 80 eyeballs on each side they probably see wild [ __ ] you might what does reality look like to a bee i don't ever see that it's probably a lot of sounds and like sonars you ever see what a bee's eyes look like up close oh my god put pull up a close-up of a bee's eyes pull it up pull up that look at this look at that thing man mother lord there's hairs coming off of it look at all the different oh look at that simple eyes they have more than one kind of eye that's me simple click on that one up there in the right yeah let's see that top to the right of your cursor jamie yeah that one look at that boy look at the eye that's wild like what does reality look like to a b they have hairs coming out of their [ __ ] eyeballs well hairs are are used i think to detect a lot of feelings and stuff like that so imagine what they're pulling in through their eyes imagine if you could feel through your eyes just look what that thing looks like what a crazy animal it's just there's they're little so we just kind of got used to them but that is a strange [ __ ] creature like those eyes are wild i mean this is a small alien right yes 100 yeah i mean that's starship troopers remember that movie you remember starship troopers nah we didn't see a lot of space things when i was a child this was probably 20 years ago was about 20 years ago let's see probably like 99 97 27 is it 97 really oh pull up a video of starship troopers so what it was was these these folks they landed on some planet and there was giant bugs and they had to go to war with the bugs so that's what starship troopers was tristar presents look it's kind of campy you know it's like but these bugs [ __ ] these people up from the director of robocop total recall ah he's running uh oh well it's a [ __ ] fun movie and is that denise richards in there yeah and it was young and hot whoa they all said that thing in there where they people could get healed by going in like that vat and the robot would just re-animate missing limbs and oh that's coming neil patrick harris is in it too yeah look at that this is a wild ass movie it's a good movie do you think they'll ever be able to email people to a new spot they'll be able to like star wars type or star trek type like beam me up scotty that kind of [ __ ] maybe yeah reassemble you disassemble you and reassemble you will there be different like airlines kind of like you feel like like um they'll probably lose you like they lose luggage what'd you do with my uncle sorry we lose a thousand people every year but do you want to go to cancun or not [Laughter] okay have you paid attention to all the luggage that gets lost now oh man yeah what is the increase in lost luggage over the last year something happened during the pandemic where they didn't work for a while so everybody forgot how to do luggage is that what you think happened i think there's there's there's an argument that there's incompetence and there's an argument that they are they just haven't trained these people right this people have left i don't know what the real story is i've heard a lot of people trying to figure out why the airlines are so bad right now yeah and what they're doing do you think that governmentally run things just overall are starting to fall apart it kind of seems like that government's not good at a lot of stuff you know because the people working for the government i mean how much you have kind of like a fixed amount of money you can make look at all that luggage that's canada there's why i've also heard at heathrow airport there's just giant pipes this is the way luggage is piling up at canada's airports oh jesus christ this technical issue at heathrow oh it's just a technical issue i don't know good luck finding your bag we should fly fedex i wish fedex flew people they'd be better at it yeah they just get it yeah it's like they always get it there it's like even if it's a day late or whatever it is fedex always gets it there i feel i'm sure you lose some things with fedex but i don't hear about a lot being lost but you hear about a lot being lost with this [ __ ] with airlines lately yeah yeah even people i mean people are not people aren't disappearing but they're not getting where they need to go oh yeah i heard about a little kid that was traveling to see his parents and they cancelled the second leg of his flight without letting no his parents know oh he's just stuck at the airport he's 10. and they'll probably sign a book deal with him now yeah yeah now he's got a podcast yeah stuck at the airport hey my name's tommy i'm at the airport i don't know where my parents are i don't even have a phone dude a buddy of mine met a girl on a flight right the flight never took off they made him get off the plane the girl's like you can come stay at my place um he goes to her place and it's her grandmother's place and they slept in the same bed as their grandmother and they didn't even get to make out or anything whoa they slept in the same bed as a grandmother why don't you sleep on the floor i like i'm good can you just give me a blanket yeah i would but they were of a different um ethnicity and so i think it was like he was more common more honorable yeah oh i see like this is how we do it this is my granddaughter she sleeps you know it's like this is how we do it here everybody sleeps in the bed but does he spoon with the daughter or does the grandmother sleep in the middle i think he was just knifed out you know he was no chopsticks yeah yeah yeah don't move don't get a heart on oh man yeah that hard almost that sounds like a porno right like my grandmother sleeps really heavy yeah don't worry sure yes i'm sure it's okay just slip it in that sounds like a porn there's porn's like that i've seen porns like that where like uh don't wake the bunny or whatever where like uh a guy is uh in bed and then uh like the step-daughter comes in and [ __ ] him while the wife's asleep oh wow you know like the wife's pretending to be asleep you know porn actors aren't that good at acting either so the wife is like squinting her eyes closed like you know she's not really asleep and the fake steph daughter is [ __ ] the guy right next to her it's always like naughty stuff there's a lot of naughty like the one thing that picked up big time during the pandemic was like step brother stepsister porn where they were pretending it's a step brother or a stepsister because people got like stuck in houses together well do you oh i didn't even thought about that you think that they were leading people to [ __ ] huh well i think they were like capitalizing on fantasies that people would have if they were stuck in a house with their family so like say if your dad remarries like you're 17 and your dad remarries this new woman and this woman has a 18 year old daughter and uh you're stuck in this house with this girl who's now your sister but she's not really your sister i feel like i'm a driver to school and they're like school's closed like we're gonna drive by and check and now a word from our sponsor better help i want to know how well would you take care of your car if you had to keep it your entire life would you polish it would you tune it would you put a a glaze on it a gloss a wax i bet you would well that's how brains work we got to keep them for the long haul so why don't we take better care of them how we care for our minds affects how we experience life and better help online therapy can help you take care of your brain better help is online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat only therapy sessions so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to i was struggling one day and i was driving somewhere and i pulled over and bam i was better helping myself right there with a certified therapist it's more affordable than in-person therapy you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours our listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com t-h-e-o that's better h-e-l-p dot com slash theo you know you want to get out sometimes and you want to get across the ocean maybe you do a plane maybe you do a ship or whatever or something maybe it is evil knievel your whole family out of a dang cannon but when you get to a new land you want to be able to speak their language don't you well babel can help babel is the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions thanks to babel's addictively fun and easy bite-sized language lessons there's still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination with babel you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson so you can start having real life conversations in less than three weeks with babel you can choose from 14 different languages that's correct including spanish french italian and german start your new language learning journey today with babel right now save up to sixty percent off your subscription when you go to b-a-b-b-e-l-dot-com theo that's b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash t-h-e-o for up to sixty percent off your subscription babble language for life people do you think more people are related than we realize that there's more that that's sometimes why people get um like born with certain deficiencies and stuff like that like down syndrome and all that because more down syndrome because more people are related um i don't know what causes that but i would imagine that if you do have sex with people you're related to what are the odds that like how how high do the odds increase if you have sex with your cousin versus how odds the the uh how high do the odds increase if you have sex with like your sister if if you create a a child that has a deformity oh i bet forty percent can you bring it up jamie i bet it's a very what what's what's google first cousin how dangerous is it breeding with your first cousin yeah so i just wanted to tempt you i wrote that in front of you to see how you feel it seems like there's an unlimited amount of nicotine in these things too it's like very confusing it makes a lot of spit sometimes it makes my lips hot and i can't taste water if i drink it okay having a baby with the first cousin more than doubles the risk of congenital problems such as heart and lung defects cleft palates and extra fingers according to the largest study ever held in the uk yeah they used to call that cleft palate by us they'd call it cousin lip if people had it two to three percent chance their child is born with a birth defect genetic uh syndrome or disability now what about sisters brothers and sisters let's uh take a guess and a lot of times this used to happen joe because people didn't have the ability to travel far so even if you went you know 2 000 yards or 8 000 yards you were still over time people were still related even if they didn't realize it well that's uh one of the concerns about that place north sentinel island that um that island of uh uncontacted people there's only 39 of them yeah you were talking about it yeah are you talking about that oh about the bible guy yeah yeah yeah that's uh that place is there's only 39 of them they have to be related what's kind of uh interesting about looking for this google doesn't really want to show me what i'm looking for it's only bringing up animal inbreeding see that's crazy wow so google will let you look up what it's like to [ __ ] your cousin but don't get crazy yeah i even specifically said like sibling incest and it's just showing animal stuff oh wow well go to duckduckgo having a child oh genetic risks of two siblings having a child together here it goes a cure look at that what's going on oh you [ __ ] pop-up ads a curious adult from texas asks is that us is that us the future for the future crime people have caught us incest laws seem to be socially rather than genetically based but i'm guessing there are biological consequences too so what are the exact genetic risks of two siblings having a child together let's get down to it okay you're probably right two siblings have kids together have a higher risk of passing on a recessive disease to their kids okay what do they what is the number though they don't want to tell you okay here it goes if a brother and sister are both carriers or have a child together each of their children would have a one in four chance of ending up with uh oh cf is that cystic fibrosis yeah um by getting a diseased copy of cftr from each parent so the odds of this brother and sister having a child with a disease is one out of four or one in 16. now hmm i must say don't risk it yeah don't risk it dude we used to they used to say to us if if you rearrange the letters a sister what does it spell resist [Laughter] and i never forgot that that's good that's smart yeah i thought it was helpful um yes so i had a question like so you know like how golf like the pga started doing like the live you know like they have people leaving the pga yeah because this big money organization came in and is paying the hot the best golfers could something like that ever happen to to the ufc do you feel like that's an interesting question um they've tried to do that before um affliction came along before and they got fedor and they got tim sylvia and andre alofsky there was a lot of like big name fighters that went over to affliction and fought for them but they went under after a few events it's hard doing something like the ufc first of all the ufc is so firmly established it would be like trying to create a new nba it's like maybe you could do it but you need a lot of money fortunately for this live golf thing is it's run by the saudis and they obviously have insane amounts of money but even so people have passed on it because they don't want to be associated with the saudis but do you think like if they start to see that template work and we don't really know if it's going to work yet i mean they're just you know this it's just started it really depends on how much money they throw at them and how long they continue to do it for they have so much money they have so much money we can't even imagine it i don't think we can imagine wow because you're talking about trillions of dollars you're talking about oil money i think they could just keep that ball rolling if they decide to do that they may be able to have like a real rival but right now it's this is the first year is that correct jamie you're a golf guy first year second event has been completed third there's going to be eight events they got i guess that'd be six more left and what does the vibe feel like out there as a as somebody who pays attention to golf and stuff does it feel like it's it's uh they don't have a tv deal so it's all being broadcast differently i would guess that this is a play to get a tv deal there are still people they just got a big announcer that um went over from i think nbc he's been a long time 25 year plus guy who's that his name's david ferrity he's got a really like well-known voice for the for golf yeah now is there a stigma attached to this are these guys getting like yeah there is outcast for sure but they don't seem to mind that much because the money's so great because the money is really great they don't have to play golf every week like they had to oh so with the pga yeah right and like uh who's the one guy was phil mickelson is that his name biggest one getting roasted for it i guess and apparently he's not playing good that's the that's the other interesting thing is they're already they're getting pre-paid money so they don't it's not performance-based there is performance-based money that can come if they win there's more money to win in a tournament but so there's less incentive you think they're getting they have like i read a four and a half year contract right now is what most these guys have varying levels of money six figures for some of them only six figures i'm sorry on top of another it's okay man i'm nervous too hundreds of millions of dollars hundreds of millions for some people yeah so for them they feel like [ __ ] this is my ticket out i could retire yeah yeah so [ __ ] it [ __ ] all the stigma yeah and the argument against it is really that they're not going to be playing traditionally what everyone's been playing for over their careers of like uh i don't know the big tournaments that everybody's accustomed to but they don't have a tv deal right now right it's just on youtube and their website but man youtube is so big yeah but a lot for golf though i feel like a lot of people there's something about i feel like i see my stepdad watch is it on tv you know that's a sunday afternoon it's a tv thing there's a tradition about that that i feel like is really baked in the golf maybe i don't know enough about golf yeah me neither but to answer your question yeah somebody could come along and do something like that it's possible you'd have to throw a lot of money and you'd i mean you have to get guys that are out of their contract right yeah yeah you'd have to get guys that are out of their contract or get guys that are on the come up you know that like right about to break into the ufc and get them before they you know cause there's a lot of like really talented guys that are coming up yeah there's a company called one fc that is uh based out of uh asia and they they put on some killer [ __ ] shows and i watched some of their fighters and some of their fights and man these guys are world class killers they're really good they easily could be fighting in the ufc many of them and then many ufc guys like mighty mouse and um eddie alvarez quite a few guys have gone over there and they're they're competing now in one fc so that's that's like a viable alternative for some people don't want to compete in ufc anymore or maybe they have a more lucrative deal for one fc but it's not in the public zeitgeist the way ufc is like you tell people like oh i was watching one fc they're like what the [ __ ] is that yeah they think something's wrong with you right but you say ufc it's like q-tips you know it's like everybody knows what that means yeah yeah it's nba everybody knows the nba everybody knows nfl yeah everybody knows the ufc the brand is just yeah i mean the brand is strong i mean i think it the ufc had to the fact that it that it performed it showed up every few weeks for during the pandemic was unbelievable yeah that brought so many i feel like it had to bring so many fans that's when i became like oh i am this is my favorite sport i i didn't realize it but after like a certain month i was like oh wow this is my favorite sport well once it started once they started doing those events when everything else was shut down it opened up a lot of people's eyes so like what could be possible and so then the nba started doing events and all these other sports organizations started doing events with no audience yeah you know didn't they have baseball games with no audience yeah i think the dodgers won the world series with no audience but remember they had like brody was in the stands they had fake uh cutouts of people right right right right yeah which is weird just have empty seats man don't lie to me i know you're lying to me um you've worked you've worked so long at ufc do you feel like um that and i've watched your pace over there i remember when i did a show with doing atlanta and then we went to we did a show the night before then we i was sitting behind you and so like you you guys are commentating and then you go right up into the ring and you come right back down and you commentate again i mean it was like watching like a it just seemed like a lot like this is a lot you know like you have to have a real pace for it it's a real job yeah you have to have energy for sure it blew my mind yeah it's like and you're doing it for six hours yeah and i sit down for six hours and i try not to pee which is lucky that i have good experience doing the podcast because i'm used to like holding my piss for three hours but that's about my limit so i always have to pee at least once or twice ride that bag baby you know i like riding that bag hard though sometimes like also i'm drinking like monster energy drinks sometimes which are like piss magnets yeah yeah yeah they're delicious but they make you want to pee make you want to beat your wife too dude i've seen a lot of dudes drinking monster that you know they're going home to punch i don't know if the monster is the cause of it i think there's probably other other factors well i'll say this it's the beverage of choice of some of those gentlemen i'll say that do you think it was rock stars maybe it used to be do you think you'll always work there do you ever i mean you've been you've done it for a long time you know do you think i mean i guess nothing can be forever but do you do you think you'll always commentate for for ufc i enjoy it i enjoy the sport but i enjoy watching too you know when it came to austin it was the first time in 20 years that i sat in the audience and i watched it it was great i enjoyed the [ __ ] out of it just no responsibility just being able to watch i want to go to more of them that i'm not going to like at the apec center those are great because in vegas yeah because it's a small arena a small octagon and you know you're right there man right there with the action when you started do you feel like um did you all have such a strong commentating team i mean now it's like it's stronger now than ever yeah it's stronger than john anik is the [ __ ] man he's great and daniel cormier is the [ __ ] man and you know when i get to do it with dominick cruz or you know anybody else that you know i get paul felder is [ __ ] great it's it's amazing it's a it's a beautiful job and i love dc like when me and dc hang out and have fun it's just like he's such a great guy and he knows so much about the sport you know two division world champion and great wrestler and and just a dude who likes to have fun like we laugh a lot and it's a great job man i love it i look forward to it every time i look forward to it this weekend i'm doing this weekend in dallas i'm pumped oh nice i don't know who's fighting on that one it's amanda nunez too yeah versus juliana pena is that the first one yes who knows what's happening in that room and halle berry was there at the first one oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that was cool barry's a big fan she's there all the time yeah that was a cool sport yeah jared leto was there he's neat he's always there too yeah yeah he loves it it's always uh i mean it's exciting man you know he's a big fan of it now mark zuckerberg he's a big fan of him really yeah yeah yeah he loves it he got like super addicted to it he's training now he's doing jiu jitsu oh wow yeah good for him they should make him fight other owners of things who do you think he would fight bezos peter's a little older kind of cruel to make him fight paid he might [ __ ] bazel's up who could he get in against somebody that i put all my money on elon you teach me on martial arts yeah he'd figure out a way to [ __ ] you up yeah yeah he's a fish and he just had like nine kids in a month i heard on twitter how [ __ ] efficient is that i think he's doing it through in vitro fertilization i'm sure he jerks off into a fedex tube and mails it to these ladies i thought about that i thought about having a kid via like a machine or something you know you think that's the way to do it i think because i was thinking about having a child with a friend of mine a guy or a girl a woman okay i just want to let you know what you can and can't do [Laughter] yeah google what's the percentage of dudes who can get pregnant but you'll get confused now like how many men can get pregnant all of them they'll say all of them yeah today you know no one ever no one knows what to say but i think those men are trying to get a woman those men are trying to trick other men to busting in them all the time i think we're talking about trans men that's what they're talking about oh i see where they put the ovaries into a man no no no like a biological female becomes a man trans men oh yeah yeah so when they said can men get pregnant people say yes and you're like okay i went off i went off this planet i can't take your [ __ ] confusing reality but do you think ever that mother nature has a plan a bigger plan where in the end it all ends up that we're like trans like ben simmonses like all like crosstalk you know what simmons ben simmons is like um mick he's a black and i think he's black and white right he played at lsu he's a great basketball player what does it have to do with his sexuality but he's bait you know what i'm saying he's beige does it you know what i'm saying does it end because here we go what the [ __ ] he's probably like what the [ __ ] man i'm a man leave me alone [ __ ] but if you put a wig on no if you put a wig on and shave i'm just getting those [ __ ] arms and hands if you get tricked by that guy and you want to yeah you want to get tricked you're trying to get tricked you like trick me trick me ben simmons that's a [ __ ] manly man the size of his [ __ ] hands go back to that picture bro that guy is jacked if you think that's a woman i mean maybe he is now i don't know i don't wanna i don't know no no he's six eleven [Laughter] he's giant go tigers man he goes to lsu tiger but what i'm saying is what are you saying here's what i'm saying man i can't believe you guys can't understand it i do understand what you're saying i'm just [ __ ] around okay okay and i'm just [ __ ] around too okay i'm just saying if we're sending somebody in if they say if the trans community going to send somebody in to [ __ ] vouch for them they need to send in a [ __ ] warrior you know they can't say i don't know what you're saying okay i thought i knew what you're saying i switched i switched to a new idea okay what i was saying is do you think we all end the same skin color and in some sort of a trans sexual type of situation i think it's very possible that we all become genderless yes i do think that's possible yeah i think that might be what is happening with like microplastics or changing people's hormone systems i don't know if you know about all that do you know about all that you know i don't know about it i mean i appreciate it there's a book called countdown that's nice of you by a woman her name is dr shanna swann and she came on the podcast and she explained that there's certain chemicals that are in plastics and in some fertilizers that are disrupting the human body endocrine system and uh it's causing people's penises to shrink balls to shrink sperm counts are lowering and one of the ways they find out about this is the size of people's taints oh wow yes in male mammals the taint is 50 to 100 percent larger than female mammals so like when they pick up a gerbil that's how they can quickly tell whether or not it's a boy or girl is by the size of the taint and when the introduction of phthalates it starts with a p-p-t-h-a-l-a-t-e-s i think it's how you spell it you say phthalates and phthalates are a type of chemical that disrupts the human body and because of the uh use of petrochemical products the increase of phthalates into the human body from contamination has caused people's taints to shrink balls to shrink dicks to shrink sperm counts to drop and miscarriages to go up and they think that if you think about that like that is like causing gender to just kind of compress and to become like more ambiguous and in the future if that continues to happen what what does that mean like what do we become genderless and then what do we do to try to keep the human race alive well we may we may revert to genetic engineering like some sort of a genetic like some sort of a you know medical technological intervention so we breed from like splicing genes so we get enough males and we get enough females yeah and that has always been what's crazy about this is although this sounds nuts we're talking about it now for decades people that have been abducted by aliens have always said that aliens are performing experiments and making hybrids with human beings because their genetic material has run stale because they're they're they're breeding or they're rather reproducing through genetic manipulation rather than through sex because they don't have sexual intercourse anymore so they need our eggs and sperm they need all that stuff they need our material but because they don't have that anymore so that might be where all biological creatures that develop technology and technology in our case involves a lot of plastic the more technology the more plastic the more plastic in the bodies the more the bodies become genderless wow wild and is it in it is if the since there's plastic in our water like little molecules and stuff does that affect us too do you think yes it definitely does yeah we uh we found a statistic that's a little misleading but the statistic is every week the average person consumes a credit card sized piece of plastic through jesus yeah that's a lot but then jamie found out that the way they calculate that is like worst case scenario like some dude who really likes you know who sucks on the bottle a lot of like bottle licking yeah yeah yeah a lot of like chewing on vibrators or chewing on yeah chew it like that dog we saw the other day [Laughter] um so let me think i had a couple more questions for you is that all right yes please okay cool um being becoming like a celebrity in america right like i know you don't think yourself maybe is that way right but uh you become real popular is it hard to keep it from like affecting your family and kids and stuff does that ever get like scary and stuff it definitely will affect everyone around you you know and it affects people in a weird way where like people like contact family members and ask for things you know which is like weird and it's not you know like want to meet like i've had people contact my family members to ask me to introduce them to people i don't even know right yeah like as if there's some like sort of celebrity network do you become a part of you get a card like hey man you got 15 million instagram followers here's your card just call everybody on the list and yeah you know you could hook up your friend with marky mark yeah it's weird and is this does it get scary having kids that are like you know does that gizet get scary at all like it's all of it is scary yeah it's it's scary it's weird you know like having that many people like i get a lot of people contacting me saying they got chips in their brain and i'm talking to them through a chip in their brain not just one like multiple people i said a woman like that who's coming to my shows in texas dude and her chip kept telling her to [ __ ] me dude that's the crazy part did she listen i would no i sent her away like so many times said was she hot she was hot too damn and why'd you say no cause i just thought it was like a scam or something [Laughter] i thought it was like some kind of a setup or something you know like i just got scared cause that's scary when somebody tells you that you got to think of that too imagine if you're a guy and you're worried that every girl you meet is trying to set you up you know like if you're some oligarch type dude and every woman you meet might be a hit woman or might be someone who's like trying to get information out with some russian spy yeah who's trying to record you [ __ ] oh even if i ejaculate dude not you know i don't have a you know i'm doing okay but i'll even walk out of the room backwards you know just to make sure you know like how does that help just a great so i can see if anybody's using any of the seed if there's any loose doesn't drake pour hot sauce into his condoms is that real yeah it's a story that went around a few months ago for sure so he's got like a little bottle of tabasco by the bed just in case look dustin poury needs to step his advertising up that's all i'm saying is excellent dustin has excellent hot sauce it's very good it is good it's very delicious like a vinegar-based louisiana hot sauce kinda hides hot enough but it's nothing crazy tasty tasty it's very good what is it called like diamond yeah um i need to know this man we'll find it jamie will pull it up but it's i get he sent me a case of it it is [ __ ] very good it's good yeah i'm going to turn the salad i'm not even going to ask him for more i'm going to buy it myself pourier's louisiana style hot sauce you buy it on amazon and look at him dude having fun yeah there it is he's so funny it's good too oh yeah when someone makes something like that that's good i appreciate that that is that's a legit hot sauce dustin has some really good hot sauce yeah he's a good dude too i like him a lot yeah dustin's neat man he's really really funny too he's fun dude it's fun dude to hang out with and he likes to cook too um do you think that nate diaz fight is just like uh do you think he's gonna care about it is that impossible for him not to care about it versus hum zach yeah i mean he has to care about it hamzad is a [ __ ] assassin hamzad is a terrifying human being he's terrifying he's really good oh really good and really big i get scared at home you should be yeah i mean that's how it is yeah hamza is a murderer i mean when he when he gets into that octagon he's seek and destroy he's a dangerous man do you think that it's just a setup fight for not like it's like because i know he's trying to get out of his contract do you think that or do you think he'd ask for that fight oh he did that's what nate wanted to fight francis and ganu oh damn nate is as game as a human being has ever been that dude is wild i mean that's one of the things that dana white said they were like saying why did you do this fight it's like that's the fight nate wanted he goes by the way nate asked for francis and ghana damn that'd been awesome well no yeah you're right no i mean but you know what there would have been something exciting about it yeah murder yeah something exciting when francis and gano a natural 270-pound man who hits harder than any human being that's ever been recorded is the hardest punch ever recorded well francis is terrifying i think they could take him dude you think so i don't know i don't i mean i have no i don't i don't know nate just never ends bro he can't you're never a bookmaker yeah that's true i hope so there's certain things that you just ca there's certain physical attributes and advantages you cannot overcome it's not saying that nate isn't a an amazing fighter nate is an amazing fighter and has been for a long time i mean you can go way back nate has been submitting and beating people for a long [ __ ] time he's a tough [ __ ] yeah but francis is gigantic he's gigantic francis is gigantic why do you think gigantic people come out of africa and stuff well i mean gigantic people come out of iceland gigantic people come out of areas where genetic gigantic people met and bred you know and francis's father was huge and i don't know how big his mother was but you know there's a i mean there's a lot of giant people in the world when they find other giant people and they [ __ ] they make big humans dude they should that'd be an only fans right there giant people [ __ ] yeah big giant people [ __ ] yeah i bet if you yeah i bet people would love that if those are the only fans where you only got together with other giant people and [ __ ] i'd watch that and then have a little person in the room watching [Laughter] do you go on only fans at all no i logged on one night and then i logged off you know i'm trying to stay off a masturbation stay off touching my own wiener really yeah i don't i don't need to do it i'm doing cool you know i feel better when i don't do it is it masturbation or pornography well i do yeah pornography i think is nice to stay away from we talked about this before because my thought was just that it and you said it's fun it's just people that abuse it you know so i think like i i just i don't like to have those thoughts in my head it keeps it keeps me thinking too much sexual side and not enough like connection side right right that's the number one criticism of people who watch pornography is that it yeah it makes you think sexually instead of like romantic yeah and if i want to have a family and stuff i have to have more like you know real intrinsic kind of romantic connection thoughts and and i have to be able to control my not control my own brain but let my nature come through that way not think like i want to recreate some [ __ ] i saw on a film right right or yeah you know i don't even do i don't even think that way but like your subconscious just hold it remembers the stuff you know and it kind of mills around and there just kind of loiters around your brain and dick a little how many girls have started to make a living off of only fans now that would just normally have a job and never get paid the same amount of money well it's one of the reasons why we're not seeing that many hot chicks working at chipotle i think is that what it is uh how do you go only fans i think it's gonna it's definitely but how do they get an audience like just because you're hot and you show your [ __ ] they bait through their instagram yeah dude you know no two [ __ ] are the same is that true i'm sure it's like a fingerprint that's crazy we're gonna use that from now on to get into the bank it's like you're retina scam that's how do you get in a damn bullserian's house [Laughter] i mean if you really think about how many girls are making like stupendous amounts of money on only fans oh it's baffling but do you do you also think joe that whoa only fans is over one million creators so one well let's imagine that's an that's worldwide up from 70 000 in 2019 so all those people jumped on board during the pandemic that makes sense this is what i start to worry about that it's going to be like every what is this called a gig economy no what is this okay no gig economy is like uber right okay is it is would you think of only fans does that count yeah i mean you could get a gig they could make a video for a specific person same kind of thing oh okay do you think it's a cameo yeah it's very i watched some cameos the other day it was sad i got one from uh nick nolte about some dogs at christmas i made him make like a video for some puffies that i had everything nulty does cameos that i didn't have yeah why he's like oh hey cinnamon and whisker dad loves you yeah i gotta find it nick nolte's on cameo how is it is that weird oh no gary who's the other guy that looks like nick nolte gary busey gary bc okay that makes sense yeah they look very different he's like hey cinnamon and whisker dad's home gary busey was a great actor who got in a horrible motorcycle accident without a helmet yeah okay play some of these give me one right there got my guitar got my voice got my thoughts got my love to send to you and a cameo however many you want just send me what you want me to tell you and i'll tell you better than you can there you go cameos i love that it doesn't make you feel good though did you feel good when he did it no no made me think you should wear a helmet oh you think people are taking advantage of him no that's what happened to him he got in a motorcycle accident without a helmet on back when la didn't have a helmet law and he crashed his motorcycle and bounced his [ __ ] head off a curb yeah and got serious brain damage like pulled that up i want to say that was from like the early 2000s he had a serious that's why one of his eyes looks different than the other one yeah dude we made it his [ __ ] skull got crushed yeah in 1988 the actor then 44 had just picked up his harley davidson from a shop when he tried to maneuver around a bus and accidentally turned too hard started skidding and hit his back brake causing him to fly over his windshield and land directly on his helmetless head oh yeah so that is when things went sour and his hair still looks good which is crazy he's got a great hair to hide that scar where they had to stitch his head back together again i think that's unbelievable not good well this is my question then do you think it's going to get to a point right where if we start losing jobs right and there's less jobs and more people are on like only fans right that you're basically going to have chicks out there like literally people women holding each other at gunpoint like you know subscribe to my [ __ ] stuff like that like you know what i'm saying like i don't know what you're saying you know help jamie can you pull up some help pull up some help i need some help man like i always have this vision of like two uber drivers like you're you're gonna be my uh um i'm your you're my rider you know what i'm saying you're my like like it's like people like it's all just digital it's all online and it's just like people just like subscribe to me now you know like literally at gunpoint like that's how bad it's gonna get i don't think that's gonna happen but i think there's gonna be a lot of people that are doing that to make a living the problem is where's the money coming from is it gonna be subscribers paying other subscribers is it gonna be like a hierarchy like someone who makes like a million dollars a month paying someone who makes a hundred thousand dollars a month who pays someone who makes ten thousand dollars a month is it is it going to be a pyramid scheme for [ __ ] yeah uh yeah i don't want to get by a fake [ __ ] somewhere and put it out there i don't think that's good enough i think you have to have the whole body attached to it like what do most girls on only fans do do they show like bikini pictures like what are they doing showing feet there's bikini pitchers i know that there's like meetups where like manager companies like have them all go to like a location together like at the beach and then they do like you know tit touching and like uh you know uh they get together smelling each other's cry you know like stuff oh and so that gets everybody excited and then they get more like so they have stuff animals do like stuff animals do before their owner pulls them away real quick i heard that a lot of these girls with their when they're interacting with people online they're not really doing it that they hire a company and then someone writes these letters because like if you feel like you're going to respond to people and text them like how many of them are you going to do this to like how many can you how many days i mean how much hours in the day do you have and if people don't know how many you're responding to or who's doing it like if you have like say if you have a million subscribers on only fans and you get a hundred thousand messages a month yeah you got to have somebody helping you maybe they just have a person like a service who writes like sexy things like thank you sweetie heart heart yeah kiss blowing kiss you know yeah like yeah you're so sweet thank you and there's a fat guy writing those things you know do you remember marilyn martinez did you know marilyn martinez uh-uh marilyn martinez was a comic at the comedy store and uh very funny and she used to do uh phone sex back in the day that's how she made a living when she was uh starting out as a comic she would uh get on the phone with guys while they were jerking off and she'd talk them through it that's wild yeah yeah i think i just wonder if it's gonna come to that were you gonna have you know people just helping each other jerk off and that's going to be you know i think it's going to come to the point where you can't jerk off anymore because you're not going to have any generals i think we're all going to slip away to neutral like i was saying aliens yeah aliens we look at what aliens look like what do they look like they look like sexless genderless things with big giant heads autism too you think so aliens yeah i think they have the highest most acute form of [ __ ] alzheimer's autism they might have alzheimer's too dude they could have it all i mean at that point they've mastered the diseases i was trying to say asperger's i came up with alzheimer's well asperger's should have a different name too it's just ass burgers that's rude that's a lot right i wonder if it's like a doctor was it dr asperger who figured out asperger's i don't know take a guess let's find out and take a guess ron asperger yeah yeah probably like a guy out of seattle i was thinking that when that fournier's green green we looked up to their dad so i'm fortunate for mr fournier [Music] exactly yeah so let's find out where the name hans asperger hit that thing yeah it's a dude han's ass burger there it is oh it's burger asperger asperger i've been putting meat in it [Laughter] i'd love to be austrian huh austrian yeah yeah they just seem so pure and they seem like outdoors yeah they seem like hike a lot they're getting water for everybody yeah shorts with little socks the mills with the windmills hunting boots beautiful flowers yeah and probably crazy sex too i think so i think austrian women really yeah and you don't see them a lot in porn or anything i think they keep it really they're kind of like uh they're kind of like they feel almost to me like disney amish kind of disney amish yeah like kind of whimsical but like also very like um stick to an old script pull up some uh whoa yeah dang it pretty dead on with that uh disney princess yeah yeah very disney princess looking all of them damn dang i wonder like what nationality is known to have the most beautiful women do you think there's like a consensus nationality that is the most beautiful woman i don't know but i know that i've thought poorly that i just spent so much jerking off in america when you could have done it internationally yeah like it's a small world like the ride dude why do you and i have the [ __ ] silliest podcast oh my god i just had a great podcast with uh rich from rich rebuilds we were talking about cars and and then you come in here you started with him i saw you talking about a horse horse set i'll tell you his reaction is very different than yours oh yeah that's cool man i would like to get some different i got i'd like to get some different hobbies and stuff like that like what um i don't know i thought about sometimes i thought about maybe getting into golf like that's one thing like in nashville it's like most people just drink there's just a lot of drinking and golf talk to this dude he's a golfing fool him and tony hinchcliffe and ron white oh tony's built for it built for golf i think so he's just that perfect he's very he looks almost like uh like pinocchio's old you know crazy brother [Music] you don't talk about pull him up pull up tony hence club's body pull up tony it's probably already a comparison tony has lived side by side next to pinocchio online dude that was so much fun man it's interesting it you guys definitely made a good case uh for austin yeah we're having fun out here man yeah you get to see it right yeah and how wild these shows tonight's gonna be wild too sir really good that's gonna be fun yeah a lot of good comics out there a lot of good comics on stage yeah it just felt yeah it's like you said having a sense of community is really important look at this little notebook but look right there with the mic at the ice house that is a no it's almost like his hand looks like it was pulled up by a piece of cord yeah to the right one more please jimmy right there yeah yeah looks like his arm is hanging from the street perhaps [ __ ] geppetto yeah he's an [ __ ] yeah um i'm trying to think if there's anything else that i wanted to ask you joe i think we covered a decent amount of stuff you know we definitely did um you gonna move here thinking about it i thought about it i thought about it more today and i thought about it yesterday yeah what percentage you think you're thinking about it i thought 30 which was surprising i didn't think i would think about it that much 30 percent i'll say this a zillowed new zealand really last night where are you looking that's pretty pricey i found that yeah man got rough here yeah during the pandemic prices went way up yeah you got to have really yeah it's yeah it's pretty pricey but that's okay gotta have them shackle son i know i got to shackle up i got to up my shackles man you make a good living yeah no i do it's been did you buy in nashville yeah you could sell there for sure yeah it's already went up great yeah it's a great market nashville is another place like austin where a lot of people move to but it's like a smaller city right yeah i would say it's probably half the size i mean i noticed that this feels more like a city nashville it's it's still a city but it's diff it's a different i [ __ ] love nashville yeah i love going there i love doing stand up there fun people man yeah that's a fun town and it's also like austin a town that like appreciates art appreciates live performance oh yeah people come out all the time yeah this has a smaller comedy scene yeah that's the tough part and that's what i realized it was like if i could get up a little more you know instead of having to go to la to do like a month or six weeks at a time you know and really build there so i think about it here you can go ham i mean we got cap city just opened up we have the vulcan we have creek in the cave we got my club that's kind of open then we have there's a bunch of satellite rooms a bunch of smaller rooms that are outside the area a lot of open mics and different places where people perform i mean and since the pandemic started it's exploded and definitely since kill tony moved here and we all moved here and segura moved here and tim dillon and all these other folks duncan moved here i love duncan yeah he's the best he's so neat he's the best he's really special yeah um did um oh there's one thing i was gonna ask you about that about um what were you talking about comedy comedy moving moving zillow hello shekels yeah vape pens um nope should we end it i think so i think i have one more question i'm trying to think what it is can i just have about eight seconds about the rooms the number of rooms in the round uh no that's good i feel like i've cause i feel you know this is good this is like a good consideration of if um if i'll come here we could always get an apartment oh i was going to try for one yeah that's what i was thinking i'll do one month at an airbnb that's a movie you know that's a great move yeah yeah um oh this is my question okay so sometimes i you know i've had times in my life where i've thought too much about regrets and stuff in my life right yeah we've talked about that some in the past like looking in the past too much right or attaching myself to the past was there is there has there been anything along your journey that you've kind of regretted and then how do you deal with regret i mean individual choices and mistakes yeah but ultimately you learn from those so like no because like even the regrets the bad things or the stupid things you learn not to do bad things or stupid things you know those all those things are beneficial in some way if you can get through them you know you know if you like did something that required that resulted in someone's death or some something horrible like that yeah it'd be terrible regret but i've been very fortunate that that hasn't happened but the dumb [ __ ] that i've done or the bad mistakes that i've made they've taught me you know you learn like that's why failure is so important like failing and [ __ ] up and making mistakes it's very important that's how you learn let's see the bad feeling that you get from something that you shouldn't have done or wish you didn't do or wish you did better like especially failing at something where you half-assed it and you just feel like a [ __ ] loser like that just teaches you it teaches you to get your [ __ ] together well you have such a good ability to learn from those things some people i think kind of repeat you know it's just like it gets repetitive for some people that's dangerous yeah it's dangerous to dwell on past mistakes because people sort of define themselves by the worst moments that they've ever had and if that's the case like some people are stuck in high school you know they're stuck in failures that they had like when they're first getting jobs and they always think that they're a loser and they they don't like the feeling of failure so they keep low expectations so that they never have to feel that you got to get through it you got to get through bad feelings you got to get through um you got to get through failure it's very important and you get through it by just picking yourself back up and moving forward and going but it's hard for a lot of people because they that sting they never get over it the feeling of failure and they don't have a good support system like good friends like having a good community of friends it's very very important because you could feel like down like if you've been a girl broke up with you and you feel like you're the worst you're a [ __ ] loser like you're a piece of [ __ ] but then you go out with your friends and you have a few laughs and next thing you know you're laughing and you're like i'm all right we'll be all right then maybe you meet a new lady yeah yeah and she like picks you up and you're like oh we're gonna be okay and then you learn from the last mistakes yeah that's life it's just those feelings of failure are so hard they're so hard to get over and they they overwhelm people and some people can't get past them and then ev every time some new thing comes up when you have to rise to the occasion you have to perform you think about that time you failed and it [ __ ] your head up man you think i'm a [ __ ] loser i can't do this i'm gonna fail i'm gonna [ __ ] up you know like bombing like how many times have you had a bad set and you're like god damn it i suck at comedy i can't do this i can't do this i suck at comedy that's just it i just suck and then you define yourself that way and you got to get over it yeah dude thankfully you never have too bad in a row either which is kind of interesting well you learn from that one and you like coming out guns blazing for the next show yeah yeah maybe it activates some senses in you did you feel like you learned that from somebody or did you always just have that kind of intuition when it comes to that kind of stuff i think i learned it from martial arts because you you get your ass kicked and like you don't want to get your ass kicked again you either quit fighting or you learn how to get a lot better you know and then you get your ass kicked in training which happens all the time and you know you learn from those mistakes you learn you know like maybe you're stationary too much or maybe you telegraph too much or maybe you you got tired and you haven't been doing your cardio like those those failures that you have for martial arts are so consequential because you get hurt like you physically get punished and then you don't want that to happen again so you got to be either quit or get way better i like that and that's great for a lot of my listeners a lot of guys you know or just you know a lot of guys um just trying to keep going in their in their lives yeah with everybody and my listeners your listeners anybody who's listening to anything just people out there yeah that's why there's so many self-help books that's why there's so many motivational documentaries and motivational instagram pages is because people need stuff like that they need something and generally the best version of it is coming from someone who's experienced [ __ ] ups and got through it yeah you know yeah i appreciate it man you know you're like a kind of like a library i was thinking about the other the other day in a weird way you're like kind of like a like a library you know that's interesting how am i because you just have all this information that's passed through you and you're able to like kind of you're almost like a cleaners at the cleaners if you ask a question then it goes and gets the information and brings it to the front you know and it's like wrapped up kind of it's cool that's a funny way it's a nice skill man because i was even listening to an old episode of ours and there was information and like kind of suggestions and guidance you shared with me in there that were still resonating with me today so it's just pretty cool cool you know so um thank you so much bro i appreciate your time i appreciate you yeah all right my man [Music] oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this piece of mind i can feel it [Music]

Channel: Theo Von

Views: 14,713,120

Keywords: Theo Von, This Past Weekend, TPW, comedy, podcast, comedian, interview, talk show, stand-up, stand-up comedy

Id: jreBmGkuEBc

Length: 102min 53sec (6173 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 09 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/nukalurk]

This basically feels like a Joe Rogan episode, except Theo is the one asking Jamie to “pull that up”

[u/CrossBones3129]

So the people freaking out about drug use saying the Joe Rogan episode was recorded months ago were wrong. This episode and Joe’s both were recorded last week since Theo mentions reading the article about joe reading tik tok TOS.

[u/yimmay]

Talking about the smell of magic markers. Theo - "Oh get in there dude, the black ones? id fuckin BLM in each snout hole baby"

[u/JimmmasyXmasssy]

Who else found Theo through Joe Rogan?

[u/chillowl31]

Joe is better when he’s not in his bubble, wish they would have done it at theo’s or anywhere else than Joe’s studio. Still a good show though.

[u/bono_my_tires]

Always a bit strange when one podcaster does their show at another’s studio, especially when Theo was just on JRE a couple weeks ago. Did they basically film 2 episodes while he was there? I’m all for more Theo content but it is a little odd lol

[u/justanothergearhead]

Alright where is the video of the horse racing accident..

[u/Darcer]

The Ben Simmons part was so funny

[u/Positive-Pin3712]

Slob said he was going to fight Rogan if he did another podcast before tfatk after his Flagrant appearance. When is the fight? Doing a pod with Theo and then appearing as a guest in his own studio is hilariously disrespectful to slob.