The Whitest Thing Ever | Tony Rock | Stand-up Comedy

i saw i was at an airport flying here i was flying here last week i saw arguably the whitest thing i ever saw in my life in the airport over here now granted i've seen some white [ __ ] like i've been to disneyland before i seen an episode of big bang theory before i was like this [ __ ] is white but what i saw in the airport topped both of those i saw a white guy in the airport make a citizen's arrest even the white people like holy [ __ ] that's white and this is why it was the widest thing i ever saw because the [ __ ] said you stand right there i'm making a citizen's arrest and i was like yo this is the whitest [ __ ] thing i ever saw in my life [Applause] and he was so serious that here's the story okay give me the story i gotta give you the story i'm flying new york la i'm flying out of gate b1 right gate b2 planing just landed so everybody's getting off the plane and there's a sign i'm going to give you the whole story there's a sign on the wall right here that says baggage claim with an arrow pointing that way 99 percent of the people that got the plane look at the sign and they go back and slam let's head to the back now granted there's an elevator door right here right one little white girl like 16 17 years old gets off the plane looks at the sign presses the button for the elevator this is gate b2 now i'm at gate b1 watching the whole thing happen in true negro fashion i don't want to get involved so i see she's making this mistake i could have easily been like hey white girl no no it's down there but i didn't give a [ __ ] so i sat right there my headphones all like i made a song of everything white girl going the wrong way white girl going the wrong way so she gets on the elevator presses the button doors closed goes down now apparently this is the elevator that takes people down to the plane to load and unload the plane so she realizes she made a mistake gets back on comes back up it took a whole like the whole thing took like a minute so she gets off the elevator when she came back up white guy sitting the gate b1 with us he [ __ ] jumps into full white guy mode he sees that get off the elevator he's like i didn't know why people paced before they met but they make their stats he's like he was pit okay did anybody see that anybody see that anybody see that and another white guy like what happened what happened he looked at me like to see if i was going to back him up like yeah i saw it i didn't want to get involved he looked dead at me i was like so another bite guy's like what happened he's like she went down to the plane and came back up without authorization without authorization he kept saying i was like why people really care about authorization like [ __ ] go where they want to go just so you know are you authorized to be held you authorized to kiss my ass the other white guy's like wow yeah she went down he's like yeah she went down and came back up without authorization and then he stops the white girl excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me and she stops like huh what do you what what what what are you doing and she's like i thought it was baggage claim i went down and came back up it was so i'm gonna go get my back no no no no you can't go down you don't have the authorization to go down near the plane so you stand right there and i was like oh [ __ ] it's getting white you stand right there i'm phoning this in i'm making a citizen's arrest [Applause] and he pulled the cell phone out and dialed the number like dial the number like i'm at gate b1 you should send somebody over here i'm making citizens rest and security came so now i was like yo what the [ __ ] is that number he dialed because i'm pretty sure [ __ ] don't know it and security came like they really came over it's like you know airport security they don't give a [ __ ] they're like high school dropouts and [ __ ] he came over eating a slice of pizza like what happened [Applause] and he's like she went down to the plane and came back up without any authorization and the security guard didn't give a [ __ ] he's like okay so i have to go have a seat sir have a seat went to the white girl like what happened she's like i went down i'll go get your bag i don't give a [ __ ] go get your bag now he comes back over to our section like yeah you see that i get involved there's a problem with america people don't get involved i see something i say something i get involved we're all like good for you [ __ ] what you want a cookie [ __ ] now the plane's bored he's telling everybody the story so then i said you know you stand right here i'm making citizens arrest everybody says yeah good for you sir can you walk when you walk please can you just walk plane takes off he's telling the flight he she coming through with the drinks and then i said she's pushing the car like apple juice orange juice [ __ ] what you want

Channel: Laugh Factory

Views: 8,293,094

Keywords: stand up, comedy, joke, comedian, comedy club, laugh factory, funny, hilarious, humor, Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA, Whitest Thing Ever, Citizens arrest, airport, terrorism, black, african american, white, Tony Rock, tony rock comedian, stand up comedy, tony rock stand-up, best stand up comedy, standup, los angeles, youtube stand up, standup comedy, the laugh factory, citizens arrest, white impression

Id: UGIn7qNDLrU

Length: 5min 11sec (311 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 13 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/wtfman78]

Really hacky....

[u/TripResort]

Love this one too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg17TwF7cz0

[u/Murkyn]

And now I'll be singing "white girl goin the wrong wayyyyyyy" the entire day. Thanks.

[u/[deleted]]

That wasn't really funny at all. Had some funny parts like not helping the girl and then singing about it but the rest was just boring.

[u/DanklinDRoosevelt]

That was SOOOOOOOOO okay.

[u/[deleted]]

Wasn't bad, wasn't great.

[u/KennethGloeckler]

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