The Unfortunate Truth About The Civil War

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👍︎︎ 4 👤︎︎ u/Theveryunfortunate 📅︎︎ Jun 18 2019 🗫︎ replies
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- Hey, I'm Zora Bikangaga and as a former middle school history teacher, I still take special pleasure in clearing up widely-believed historical misconceptions, like how Napoleon wasn't really that short... Or how Vikings didn't actually have horns on their helmets... And how George Washington was so obssesed with ice cream that bought like, this 300-piece serving set solely dedicated to it. And ya wonder why your teeth were so bad, Georgie? Ya wonder? Okay that's just a fun fact. And much like 18th century ice cream, history can be much more palatable when doused with slave-harvested peaches and cream, am I right, Thomas Jefferson? And the recent debate over confederate statues and monuments has certainly revealed a great deal of misconceptions about the Civil War itself. So in order to even have an informed debate about the present, let's clear up a few misconceptions about the past... The most common misconception about the Civil War is what caused it. It wasn't just about state's rights or simply the practice of slavery. It was particularly caused by the spread of slavery into the new territories. So in 1803 Napoleon was like, "Oh (bleep), "I need more money for this war I'm gonna declare on "Europe," and sold this huge swath of land to America known as the Louisiana Purchase. Thomas Jefferson, who was president at the time was like, "Dude, we just got this land for like less "than three cents an acre and literally doubled "our size overnight. "Now let's go explore this (bleep) so we can create more "some more states and displace all these Native Americans." "#Manifest Destiny." And that's exactly what they did. However, this created a dilemma, were these new states going to be slave states or free states? Southern slave owners were like, "(bleep) yeah! "More plantations! "Woo!" and abolitionists were like, "Uhh can we not though?" And then Congress was like, "Okay, "let's make a Missouri Compromise. "No slavery North of the 36 and a half parallel," which quelled the problem for a few decades until slave owners were like, "But can we though?" and John Brown was like, "(bleep) no, "Bleeding Kansas, bitches!" and then a bunch of people died and then in 1857 the Supreme Court decided that this black dude named Dred Scott could be a slave in any state because technically black people weren't real citizens nor protected by the Constitution, which was pretty (bleep)ed up... And all of this created an impossible situation that a scrappy young candidate named Abraham Lincoln brilliantly articulated... "A house divided against itself cannot stand. "I believe this government cannot endure, "permanently half-slave and half-free... "it will become all one thing or all the other." And then boom, the lanky Illinois boy gets elected President in 1860, and even though he thought slavery was morally wrong, Lincoln stated in his first inaugural address that he had no intention on abolishing slavery where it was already practiced, but southern slave owners were still like, "Yeah but he won't let us practice it wherever we want, secession!" And that is how the Civil War started. So now that we fully understand how it started and cause, let's dispel another myth which has to do with Confederate soldiers. Confederate soldiers definitely fought for slavery. However, many of them were poor white men who didn't even own slaves. Nevertheless, having slaves was an obvious sign of southern prosperity and something to which poor whites aspired. Also, keeping slavery maintained a social order in which they were not at the bottom. The mere idea being equal to blacks and having to compete with them for jobs was a strong incentive for white southerners to fight, and Confederate generals certainly exploited that. And speaking of Confederate generals, let us also dispel another myth, and this is one of the biggest ones of all, and that is the legacy of General Robert E. Lee, who historians have painted as noble Virginian who opposed slavery yet fought valiantly for the just cause of state's rights, which is simply inaccurate. Yes, he was a highly competent war general who was well-respected by his men. But he also owned a ton of slaves, and the reason why he's been depicted as anti-slavery is mainly because of a misquoted letter he wrote. Yes, he did say that slavery was "A moral and political evil," but he also went on to say, "Blacks are immeasurably better off here than in "Africa, morally, socially, and physically. "The painful discipline they are undergoing is "necessary for their nstruction as a race..." Yeah, real better off, dude. I totally wish my Ugandan ancestors were enslaved here in America instead of chillin' by one of the most beautiful lakes in the world eating delicious fruits and vegetables, #blessed. But Robert E. Lee's twisted logic justified his own cruel treatment of his slaves. Another fun fact, General Lee's father-in-law was George Washington's adopted grandson, George Washington Parke Custis. When Custis died, Lee inherited all his slaves, who claimed that Custis agreed to free them upon his death, however, Lee refused. When a few of the slaves tried to escape and were captured, Lee had them savagely whipped, and then just to make an example of them, poured brine on their wounds. Okay, but George Washington and Thomas Jefferson also had slaves and did (bleep)ed up things and we still honor them with statues, right? Here's the difference, Confederate icons like Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis chose region over country and went to war against the United States, an act that resulted in the deaths of over 620,000 Americans. The loss of life on both sides was tragic, but make no mistake, the Confederacy committed treason, and you don't build statues and name highways after traitors. You put that (bleep) in a museum and you tell the truth, #TakeDownThose(bleep)ingStatues. Indeed, history is written by the victors, well, not exactly. This last misconception has to do with a propaganda campaign that occurred after the Civil War that helped justify Jim Crow laws that disenfranchised freed blacks in the South, a myth that became popular throughout America during the 20th century and still creeps up in textbooks every now and then. This myth is known as The Cult of The Lost Cause. Gone With the Wind. Disney's Song of the South. Those weird Dixie Crystal sugar packets. All of these perpetuate an overly nostalgic view of the Antebellum Era without acknowledging the injustices which propped up that leisurely lifestyle. It also supported the institution of racial segregation that was pervasive not only in the South, but everywhere in America for the next 88 years. And believe it or not, a huge proponent of the Lost Cause Myth was a northern-born history professor at Columbia University named William Archibald Dunning, whadya know, a gadddamn Yankee! Known as the Dunning School, this professor influenced a whole generation of historians who viewed the Civil War as a War of Northern Aggression, saw freed blacks as unfit to vote and integrate into white society, and portrayed the Confederacy as martyrs for the cause of state's rights. As racial violence intensified during the late 1800's and early 20th century with the rise of the Klu Klux Klan, so did the construction of confederate statues and monuments led by Lost Causers. Even the Confederate battle flag reemerged after World War Two as a symbol used by southern Dixiecrats who opposed the emerging Civil Rights Movement and desegregation. And it took until 2015 and a national tragedy for the South Carolina tate Capitol to finally take down the rebel flag, good job guys! And even though the Lost Cause Myth has been slowly weeded out of the historical narrative over the past 30 years, one can still see its remnants in obtusely-written textbooks and naive millennials who for some reason are still having plantation-themed weddings. Like why!? Look, I get it. It's southern heritage. So if you really want to keep Confederate statues and monuments in public then let's be fair, we should also include other traitors like Benedict Arnold, Julius Rosenberg, and Peter Pettigrew, Boom, got him! #AllThingsRelateToHarryPotter
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Channel: Cracked
Views: 686,568
Rating: 4.2479734 out of 5
Keywords: Cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, satire, parody, hilarious, civil war myths, napoleon, confederates, slave owners, false history, robert e lee, louisiana purchase, civil war history, anti-slave, confederate statues, confederate flag, zora bikangaga, history teacher, fun facts, crash course, Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, Jefferson Davis, gone with the wind, antebellum south, missouri compromise, john brown, bleeding kansas, Dred Scott, Abraham Lincoln
Id: nZtpLKCoUWg
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 7min 6sec (426 seconds)
Published: Wed Oct 11 2017
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