The Sims 2, Underground™

the sims 2 was my favorite entry in the iconic series a bizarre world featuring aliens mole people bigfoot tax evaders giant bugs and any other number of outlandish enigmas that made it so memorable so after i wrestled it into installation on my pc over the last week i decided i wanted to try something i had never done before something that would help me relearn the game after playing the sims 1. when i entered desiderata valley and designed my sim i knew i would be working from the ground up this time it's the sinkhole challenge starting to pit deep below the earth and labor in any way possible to raise enough capital to escape back up to the wider world as a free man but wait there's a twist normally there's no time pressure to complete this goal but if i can't do it in about a year my sim brad pitt get it will unfortunately advance to old age would i escape or die before time runs out in the pit okay here are the rules this is basically a starting with nothing challenge except it would be too easy to start an empty lot at ground level that's for normies so i went about the expensive task of defying the local homeowners association and lowered my property hundreds of feet below surface level what remained was a square that showed exactly where my property ends i began by puzzling over some of the blaring issues that were staring me right in the face how would i retrieve the newspaper every morning for example was it possible for other sims to fall in and join me in my apparently sisyphean task those were questions for later i simply didn't have the time there was still daylight and much business to attend to so the life of brad pitt began with some bird watching not the brad pitt you're thinking of this is the story of this brad pitt we're talking about today the leader of the local hoa was beside herself not only had i changed the character of the neighborhood but i was about to completely tear up the yard you see when you have only one dollar in your pocket in the sims 2 and you're unable to retrieve the newspaper to find a job you turn to the only method of rapidly acquiring capital that's possible dig up the entire yard in an effort to unearth buried treasure untold hordes of bullion may lie beneath your very own home so i subversively removed my shovel from my pants and began the excavation on the property that was rightfully my own neighbors be damned how after all would they possibly arrest me if they did that would achieve my goal anyway after a full day of digging to china i discovered four spouts of water and fell into a surprise fit of narcolepsy no treasure but i uncovered 12 valuable rocks three maps nine bones and various sculptures with a combined sale value of 3610 simoleons bingo i bought the most expensive refrigerator because it's the only appliance i required to stay alive at least for now until the winter but building is expensive in the sims and landscaping is even pricier if i was aiming to escape from this abyssal fissure in the earth i'd need to set my sights and aspirations on becoming a bacon bringer hence the suit and tie dress for success even if you're a ditch digger so i spent the first 24 hours rousing brad pitt from slumber whenever he fainted of exhaustion at last upon the break of day two i found enough resellable subterranean junk that i could afford the best of beds the colonial ironwood look upon my wealth passersby appeared surprisingly nonchalant at the spectacle that lay beneath so between days two and three i continued my excavation most of the time it was just garbage and worthless debris but i eventually dug up buried treasure i sold it for five thousand simoleons well within my means to build a real house instead of just camping outdoors on display for pedestrians overhead and ah the great indoors crappy table expensive ornate chair sexy bathtub these i exchanged my treasure for as long as i kept buying refrigerators stocked with snacks i wouldn't starve so the next step on day three was to build upward toward the surface i was still living at rock bottom literally and with the autumn ending soon i'd need a taller house better capable of withstanding the onslaught of winter's snows perfection so by day four i was a homeowner sharing equity in that great enterprise we call america my next ambition was to spend more time inside after all a man of such high society shouldn't be subject to backbreaking labor to earn his living so i reinvested my treasure money into buying a computer i would earn my keep by writing a novel online the novel was about a fish with only one wish a desire for world peace in order to achieve world peace he unfortunately fell into the trap of earning money to bring about his wishes the entire rest of the book is just about a fish earning money notes from underground it has this cover in the evening i retreated to the sanctity of my new zen garden which i also purchased to overcompensate for the void of human interaction i was chatting with babes online sure but in pursuing wealth i was beginning to develop a bad habit of decadence whereby i relied upon purchasing increasingly expensive items to cope with the stress of modernity a psychological implosion was probably imminent nothing screams psychological implosion like having a rave party by yourself so i embraced decadence on my way upward new paintings new bookshelves i even used my aspiration score to buy a money tree yes a money tree that i planted outside in my yard it all went toward the purpose of making subsurface life seem more enjoyable and tolerable before i made it back up to the sidewalk and all the dreams it promised at last the snows fell and i did what any single man experiencing a midlife crisis in his mid to late 30s on the brink of a violent fugue would do stayed inside and played ssx3 on my computer as i gradually raked in the dough for my money tree and best-selling novel royalties life is a kafka-esque nightmare with a gradual upward trajectory but anyway enough side questing i put that money to work with a third fourth and fifth floor but before i knew it i ran out of money again and i had reached the height limit on building still woefully hundreds of feet well below the surface i would need to resort to greater lengths to earn the money i required i had a plan but i'd need more money to set it into action so i wrote another best-selling novel the novel was about a ladybug the ladybug moved to the city one day the ladybug discovered a clue which led it to fight the evil alien overlord and save the city it was rewarded by the mayor with a cash prize and they all lived happily ever after thanks to my artistic storytelling genius along with the supplemental income from the underground riches on my property i was able to do the unthinkable and raise the largest mound of dirt beside my home huge and bewildering when i couldn't get onto it though i just started building upward from the ground itself an exorbitantly expensive pile of dirt tens of thousands of dollars it wasn't pretty it wasn't the dirt i wanted but it was the dirt i deserved i grew a little anxious here i was already halfway to becoming a senior citizen would i escape the pit before i became old and frail or make it out with the sanguine vigor of youth coursing through my veins there was up the financial aspiration tree a fountain of youth the ultimate goal make it out into the world with both time and money yes that made sense so i prepared the yard for the landscaping needed to make my escape to raise enough money i excavated the last of the buried treasure and sold my house with all its furnishings and possessions this gave me enough resources and space to raise the last ground and complete the spiraling labyrinthine staircase that zigzagged back and forth proudly toward the sidewalk into the last tower spiraling up the staircase and finally out the door onto the grass where i could step foot into my new life as a free man and so i raced up the stairs up the other stairs and the other stairs and the other stairs at last fresh air free as a bird a miracle like discovering my legs again for the first time even the most mundane of tasks were a joy placing the newspaper in the trash i experienced all over again the fun of paying bills the familiar awkward side long glances of passers-by but my time was short and like cinderella's coach transformed into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight so too did old age ravage the youth that i began that intrepid journey to the surface ah woe be tied but while there's life there's hope they say i spent the last of my youth to find a job and climb that tree of aspirations learning skills acquiring luxury goods and making every single day count if i achieved enough an averted disaster i could secure enough money to drink the old age serum and maybe just maybe reverse the aging process to wind back the clock on those lost days once again spent underground but any minute now i would get old i could feel it in my bones and before i knew it i was geriatric an old coup ironically just when i earned the anti-aging serum but maybe i could make up for lost time the past was perhaps mutable no one had ever proven the contrary a couple shakes and i was already feeling younger stronger more viral it seemed it was working maybe if i just drank enough until death is not the end in the words of gandalf the gray just another path one that we all must take well for what it's worth the best things in life are long and challenging and best looked back upon with rose tinted lenses a few years later well thank you for striving in your splendid life and making every moment an adventure thank you brad pitt with one tea and thanks to my patrons who each have the power of youth coursing through their veins right now i'm ambiguous amphibian until next time

Channel: ambiguousamphibian

Views: 2,062,544

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Id: 8r7X7i8-NN0

Length: 10min 28sec (628 seconds)

Published: Thu May 12 2022