The Shining Mini Series - Nostalgia Critic

[Music] ah I tell you nothing like move into a new place doing some heavy lifting stretching the muscles in the great guys we I don't know why I didn't think of this before I mean why keep filming all my stuff at home when I have a perfectly good location just waiting to be used where we always filming at your house yeah to be honest it was actually really inconsistent where we were what's important is that we have this fantastic location built on top of a harmless Indian burial ground that rests below the hull key remains of a print down this ain't asylum for schizophrenic homicidal orphans in vampire puppies so why don't you guys get busy put it together those very heavy prattle I figure out where to put this delightful Halloween ornament oh and if you guys could place them in the order of my favorite props - my least favorite props that'd be great by your loss you don't get to take notes with me as I watched the highlight of any nostalgia ween the Stephen King miniseries yep nothing like celebrating the holidays by attacking a man who's done absolutely nothing to me and is making his living by entertaining others ho ho we'll show him won't we penny wise oh yeah we all know he's had some classic stories but he's also has some classic blunders and nowhere are they more spotlighted than in the overly long and overly goofy miniseries only this time the idea is not to get one of his ideas to the screen its rectifying a version that he's hated for years that of course being The Shining [Music] most are aware the stanley kubrick adaptation or as the brits like to say Kubrick and for the most part audiences seem to enjoy it that is of course except for King yep the guy who loved 2012 and death race couldn't stand the theatrical release of The Shining so what to do release his own version on TV in 1997 with a teleplay entirely written by him it sure too has some kingly awkwardness and I'm here to take notes on it from my next review so what are we waiting for let's dive into the wish you Overlook Hotel with the shining so our story takes place not in Maine the hell's going on here as we open with Jack played now by Steven Weber being instructed how to handle the boiler room when he becomes the caretaker of the Overlook Hotel oh and I don't mean breathed I mean instructed with every single detail no safety valves he's rated for 160 every night you know oddly enough King the inner workings of a water boiler described by Commissioner Gordon in the hopes that your obvious setup for the climax will seem less silly isn't as riveting as you think yeah but at least he has some history - welcome to least scare the [ __ ] out of the new housekeeper we had this lady here last summer literally yeah there was this last caretaker Grady about a shotgun both barrel gee I hope you don't say this on all the hotel tours and over there is the kitchen were old Mary McCready cooked her husband down he was delicious Jack then talks to the owner of the hotel played by the shaking head of Elliott Gould the board has decided to put an alcoholic less than a year away from his last drink in charge of one of the greatest resort hotels in America may I be frank oh why stop now it makes me sick here are the keys enjoy your stay I'll not only be taking care of the Overlook but I'll be taking care of myself and my family well Jack Asher is our mystery theater actor that he's no longer on the sauce we see his boy and wife waiting eagerly at home played by Kirtland Mead and Rebecca De Mornay did your dad get the job uh-huh he and the Manny you didn't like each other but he got it are you sure uh-huh that's right in this version the parents are totally aware that the kid is psychic and the reaction is thank you sweet down to it that is kind of legit reaction I mean once you have to look forward to an apartment with a neon sign on top of the Walgreens this makes Jack's wife Wendy think back quite randomly the more I think about it too that terrible night when her husband had been drinking too much or at least barely imitating a guy who's been drinking too much [Music] slurred cliches and monotone anger the only thing to make this more obvious is an empty bottle of there we go I'm never going to another emergency ward jack did you could stop on your own I was wrong never happens again I am packing my bags and I'm leaving you're right gotta end yeah as you can see I'm really torn up about it but his son Danny is having his own issues outside as his imaginary friend Tony tries to communicate with him Danny hi back really so Tony all his time was an awkwardly hovering version of the Encyclopedia Britannica kid I don't think anyone could have predicted that from the cupric version I was a demonic rendition of the Frosted Flakes mascot [Music] but Tony shows him some scary images of what's to come like a killer hose oh wait what you know King you have a talent for taking things they're very obviously not scary and keeping them very obviously not scary I mean what are you gonna do try to make folk a scary - oh for god sakes just because you put blood or teeth on something doesn't mean we're automatically gonna be frightened by it I mean he's like another instance where you just took something random you put blood or teeth out and that instantly worked that was different it turns out the horror of fine croquet mallet was just another one of Danny's visions though jag does seem to be struggling as he finds himself calling his a a sponsor who loves reminding him of stuff that he apparently already knows well you know what they say at the AAA meetings don't you you know what they say in the meetings jack well if he knows why are you telling him but it's still tempting for him as he finds himself drawn to local pubs like the tavern tavern ears to hope of randomly toasting people outside my window doesn't lead to ironic consequences I'm benign so they make their way to the hotel as they play their favorite driving game what the hell did my son just say course it doesn't help that his teeth look like someone Photoshop Napoleon Dynamite's and mouth on to it children have just as much a right to be made fun of as any other person hey where'd you get that they approached the hotel and everything for the most part seems pretty welcoming [Music] here they come across dick hallorann dick please well duck you're gonna give me a hand are you just gonna stand there so tick of course explains that Danny and him share the same psychic power that he refers to as the shining and that if he ever needs help just to use his power to contact him and maybe a half a dozen times I've seen things what were they did now I of course I'm too sophisticated to make any jokes about a tiny little boy talking to a big black dick but for the record I'd like to show you how many opportunities I had to make a joke give me a blast you're gonna come down the st. Pete with me nobody's gonna tell you daddy anything just look the other way and count to 10 I bet you just about growing a damn dog just promise me you won't go in this is between you and me what do you want me to think anything as long as it's hard I should get a medal for how many I'm avoiding oh by the way be scared a door closed but that's not the important part but so real juicy stuff is we have a hotel de tour there's a pantry back there there's a vegetable bin here and to almost and to the bedroom madam and oh my god are you gonna show us every goddamn [ __ ] room how about some scary stuff I mean aside from by the way the door closed I mean over an hour in and the scariest thing we've come across is a hose and the Encyclopedia Britannica guy tell me you're trying harder than this gotta get moving oh thank god so you want to see mortars please ah Jesus Christ the boom like in the reflection is more exciting to watch than this I'm at least trying to make excuses about how it's a ghost Mike or something hey it's about as scary as a hose or the Encyclopedia Britannica kid can you give us something better than that but finally the guy gets going and they start looking after the place and he's already off to a bang off story as he accidentally comes across a wasp nest and gets done okay keep it in mind room mom do you think that's it's fine it's fine they're all dead guaranteed hey come on I thought the only wasp we needed were the three right in front of us oh well they're looking over a big creepy scary hotel you know those will lead to a lot of other scary possibilities like bringing groceries into the hotel putting them away reading a children's book putting that away discussing the children's book immediately after they read it really you are doing so fantastic well finally we do get some form of suspense when Danny locks himself in the bathroom oh no another Miracle Whip binge wake up now there is no Tony there's no imaginary pal who comes in shows you the future no we so what are they gonna do after this bit of excitement talk about it of course I just got scared because okay great so they finally decide that Danny should go to a doctor fair enough but what kind of doctor should he go to that's what a sidewinder that's supposed to be good it's not a pediatrician he's a GP but oh my god are you serious a fall tax is more exciting than this you know excuse me the idea that nothing scary will ever happen your anger oh yeah lord knows that's much more scary than the insane ghosts downstairs constantly messing with your hotel yeah literally all sorts of weird stuff is going on downstairs and where are our caretakers finding out how many different ways they can say sorry oh I don't know I'm sure you'll film every one that comes to mind though I mean seriously are the ghosts just patiently waiting for them to notice what they're doing I don't want this to be an angry police joke Oh guys you know we pee stuff down here turn the lights on and off the jukebox will be fans play scary okay well whatever you guys get a minute feel free to come on down and take a look at it and maybe be terrified if not just have a good night enjoy your conversation yeah [ __ ] them there I didn't scary first Billy we do at last get a little bit more action as the wasp nests suddenly comes alive again god it's like those replenishing bees from the Megaman games I think just never die bees my god but oh that was way too much excitement for part 1 so let's level it out with the incredibly exciting actions of going to the kitchen getting a container trapping them in it taking them outside going into the living room retrieving your camera taking pictures of the wounds and talking about how you can use this to possibly give some insurance money from it I think $5,000 of sting should do it too scary girls and whatever the [ __ ] that was and aside from the ghost once again closing the doors every once in a while nothing creepy is happening at all what's next I got a terrifyingly tinker with the thermostat so as we begin part 2 which I'm sure a lot of people saw seeing a part 1 was so riveting we finally see Danny goes to the doctor how did Danny break his arm his father did Jack didn't mean to hurt him but it was drunk didn't we go over this the flashback remember drunken Christian Bale hurting his son we saw this why does this need to be repeated sorry family's mending I think it is doctor we're trying to move on this moment of pointlessly long riding brought to you by Stephen King helping young kids reach the top shelf for 40 years God even when a setup for a scary moment happens look what they do with it hey thank God say then this demon army can be dealt with later yes hey critic we felt really bad about abandoning you while you were moving everything yeah you did ah we're wondering if you wanted us to come back and help you out Rachel let me explain something to you whenever you call and interrupt me you're breaking my concentration you're distracting me and it'll take time once you understand what got into you Aunt Flo in town we're gonna make a new rule whenever you hear me typing like this how can I hear you typing if you're miles away whether you don't hear me typing we're gonna [ __ ] you hear me doing when I am in here I am working and that means that you don't call now you think you can handle that I'd like to say you used to be so nice but that wouldn't be correct why don't you start by getting the [ __ ] out of here because I'm not in the same room with you not good no moving day let's go celebrate with some pumpkin taco shining what the shining the movie look Jack Nicholson goes crazy you'll have to be a little more specific Kubrick movie I think he's gone crazy and it's reenacting the Kubrick movie we have to do something before he goes too far oh hell no I'm not doing that why do you know what happens to the black guy in that movie know what happens to all black guys and scary movies no well let's just say it doesn't end well well let's just say if something happens to the critic then we're out of a job I want to try the pumpkin burger from Macduff oh I've fine but they were not pumpkin McNuggets I'm blaming you you [Music] - no you're blown away with that snow scene but sad to say some actual suspense seems to enter the picture when Danny is tempted to go into room 2 1 7 which he has been forbidden to go in stop what are you doing there like picture sort of book doc if you give them the chance to become more than that one here for watching good to find out how you can own the new Encyclopedia Brittanica I was talking to the people at home just call this number and we'll send you this free booklet Danny what are you doing nothing daddy nothing what are you doing in mr. almonds office only enough most of the transition of Jack turning crazy is done surprisingly pretty flowingly that is except for this one moment where I think up age was out of place or something because suddenly he's in full nut mode with no lead-in at all what have you got behind your back nothing daddy not supposed to go into any of the guest rooms what should we do about a little boy who cannot keep to the rules daddy I did it go on then follow the rules they also say there s very difficult li e e oh and just when you thought this movie couldn't get any more drawn out of any more boring anymore tediously long-winded we get a 12-minute conversation about their marriage without any scares any action or any suspense what so ever what has happened to us Jack please please try to bear with me I hate this place now just interested in the papers I found down the cellar it's dress the reason you don't want to make to me anymore entertain entertain we didn't have much back and bolder but pretty happy I know how much I [ __ ] things up for myself I'm not talking about the guestroom you won't be sorry I do the booze and my temper George Hatfield your husband lost his last chance because the son sees things sometimes it's so unfair and you know it situation do you so after that terrifying bit of horror we finally get to where the real scary [ __ ] lies and all this but the real terrifying heart that it's all been building up to the plants don't have snow on them anymore oh and you know what's even scarier having them be totally still while playing animals sound effects over them Jesus quite I'm gonna piss myself whoo I'm gonna write a Doctor Who episode about this and because breaking in the first time went so well Danny decides maybe doing it again will turn out even better consequences and wouldn't you know it something actually a touch scary does occur here Josh Holloway so that's where you went after lost hello Danny when the parents come across him they notice he's not his usual cryptic self but rather a more unusual cryptic self Dani hey Dani way to get the first base you so much as they figure on him again I will wait till you're asleep and I will kill you of course she figures out it wasn't Jack and asked him to go figure out who did it after five minutes of talking about it of course get out of here what are you talking about place was bad everything bad that happened here still here stop talking about it and just show what's what [ __ ] scary I don't we don't go see she might not be able to go at all oh look a commercial I do hope they're still talking when they come back from it and they are what the hell are you [ __ ] serious the conversation was so long that it literally needed a commercial break look in books I know stories are carried through a lot of dialogue and obviously a lot of words that's the medium but film is a visual medium show don't tell I mean by God imagine if George Malays instead of showing his voyage to the moon just talked about it the whole time so Jack decides to go up there and carve himself a which say this looks like the most intimidating weapon around here no yeah because you've already closed the door 186 times that may be the 187th will catch us off guard [Music] alright let's get some exciting scary and all run away like a [ __ ] well that's enough frightening stuff for this scene let's go back to more talking did you break the CD it wasn't broken when you were in there why would you hit that the scary thing we already saw you showed it you showed it in close-up you showed in faraway you showed it at every angle imaginable okay not every angle you know have a TV but at the same time we know what it looks like we know what's scary about it so why would keeping it in the shadows scare us well we know exactly what's in there Wow I need a drink god I need a drink but my god damn sold for just a shot of cupcake vodka why hello there kind of dead tonight isn't it yes it is mr. critic what'll it be well I'm so glad you asked me that it turns out I have a lot of lost time to make up for it's all account of this miniseries and I tell ya it keeps getting worse don't tell mr. critic do tell for example jack pretends he doesn't see anything as tensions start to rise get your son can't you see the bruises on his neck are you blind overactive so Jack goes and smashes the radio as well as the snow scooter and pretends like he doesn't know what's going on resulting in a six-minute conversation about how they're stuck but could learn as we go Jack maybe we could listen to the weather and we could pick a time when they call it for 3-4 days without snow yeah and if the forecast is wrong [ __ ] the conversation you can say this in four words we're stuck Oh nut bunnies why is that so hard but things get suspenseful I guess when the hedge sculptures start to come to life [Music] Wow not since the happening have I been so not afraid of plant life I'm so glad the CG artists from the Langille ear still got work things get even more hectic when one of the rooms locks Wendy inside why I mean what's the point we really think about it even if they do catch up to him what are they going to do given poison ivy you're just a clumsy clod and once again what is this all building up to absolutely nothing oh you're here you're jumping at shadows babe you know some people like the first film version of The Shining some don't and I can understand either but at the very least you have to acknowledge it created a surreal scary environment and as soon as this version started it was clear it was much more interested in talking about that scary world than it was actually showing it and that was three goddamn hours of dull so boy that sounds like a pain you know it's funny Dominic I didn't think this location had any alcohol let alone a bar it doesn't you've just been hallucinating in fact you've been drinking toilet water for the past five minutes critic critic do you see him anywhere would you take that off no I'm not getting killed by a d-list internet celebrity look there's a laptop maybe we can see who's been working on [Music] how do you like what are you doing down [Applause] okay what should be done about the chiming I don't think that's true I think you have some very definite ideas about what to be done about the shining and I would like to know what they are [Laughter] have you ever seen a miniseries without a single solitary moment of entertainment in it because the new one sucks and there is nothing to satirize give me the bat Rachel door now you stay in there until you find something positive to say mister there is nothing positive in the miniseries the original so much better well find something good yeah I know thanks to you know Mitchell hey guys I forgot to mention hey you're not going oh go check out the car to see what I'm talking about check it out oh really yeah it looks like all empty was a windshield wiper fluid good luck driving without dirt debris all over your windows you know what this calls for pumpkin sauerkraut hmm Oh see ya mom here we get another scene that seems to go nowhere they see the elevator has been moving on its own and Wendy climbs in and finds party masks and confetti who is the elevator gonna drop or start moving so they had to pull her out in a suspenseful scene nope it just stands there by God a scary thing was practically gift-wrapped for you by the horror God and you didn't take advantage of it that's like The Three Stooges looking at a PI lineup and saying what are we supposed to do with these are you [ __ ] master of horror and suspense that scare me so Danny sees the ghosts are apparently dyslexic and this finally convinces him to contact dick oh yeah a dead woman knowing at your neck is okay but bad grammar on the wall now that [ __ ] needs reinforcements and just a pour more salt in the wound he actually passes by an entertaining horror director Sam Raimi in a very bizarre cameo I love you Howie you're one cheering MF hey buddy by the miracle no please Oh him for applying a disembodied hand a talking head the scares in this movie are so [ __ ] weak I wouldn't be shocked if the next thing to scare us was a guy in a bad Halloween mask no one gets passed over three hours of buildup guys and this is what it's been amounting to was it worth it but we do start getting some pay off with the ghosts at least as they make themselves more and more visible to jack my god I have antlers Oh phew no offense silly as a guy in the Wolfman mask but more go start to become visible including mr. Brady as they all start to liquor object to make him more susceptible to their suggestions family killing suggestions to be exact but you might want to take that up with you he's crossed you at almost every turn it must be corrected he and your wife we also see the scariest part of any Stephen King miniseries Stephen King give him some cred though it least it looks like he's having fun and all this but we have no time for conducting fearless judge ito's we got some crazy jack drinking jack to exploit as he tries attacking Wendy but she fights him off by lightly tapping him with the breakable prop well you know what this calls for right more goddamn talking stare at Wendy and Danny drag him into the kitchen to lock him up you know son we never do projects anymore this is nice but not only do the ghosts let him out but they also start attacking the rest of the family with huh well it's good to know Stephen King has moved on from balloons to the air flying realms of confetti hey watch out those look like real streamers hello turn around Phoebe guy croquet is still not scary what is your deal now by God you are going to take your medicine or I'm not king of the nine widget diamond formation [Music] come on that looks silly enough carrying this thing we don't need to make it funnier but when he's done playing whack at the morni as she slams it in the face with a ball and then somehow quite miraculously both these two seem to keep moving don't you think they'd be down for the count by this point mr. Dorrance Halloran's you'd better take care of this mr. Torrence stay close darling I'll be back see accordin Arnold movie instead of cars and to shake things up a bit by the way congratulations dick you see what I'm talking about it's not exactly inflicting spine-tingling terror when you do this with a croquet mallet instead of an axe I get more Jim Carrey smashing that clock in the mass than I do something scary just had a cartoon sound effect to make it complete yeah things are about laughably silly with Danny just look at how Tony tries to show him the boiler room is about to blow but Danny does find out it manages to tell his father who seems to be struggling back and forth between loving his son and turning into an evil ed knockoff what could a worthless like you know my daddy hasn't done the boiler of pressure today [Music] now for my positive big nerves Danny and when they manage to wake up dick and they make their way out resulting in Jax sacrificing himself by blowing up the house because yes we all know explosions can apparently kill ghosts total protonic reversal yeah what's the only way we can wrap up 237 minutes of boredom a goddamn graduation ceremony because we weren't [Applause] who knew what is this musical rooms open the doll know until you deep crazy yourself stuff this is something I can't get this open well if it's scary enough for Stephen King it's scary enough for me little pigs little pigs let me come in not by the hair on your chinny Chinchin then our heart and our box and our brown sea why don't you just open up the door not until you find something positive about the miniseries it'll clear your head there is nothing positive about it and somebody has to pay for it if somebody has to pay pumpkin guacamole hey Doc good job doc [Music] welcome you know you have to die it's the law of every scary movie what about that guy from a bit horizon he live Jurassic Park deep blue sea gremlin the list goes on opening from alien vs. predator was she black I don't really remember her pretty sure she was that chick was awesome why do so many people hate that movie I think it seriously underappreciated as movie crossovers go I mean there's no Avengers the but it was still pretty damn designs okay never thought I'd have to use this come on we excuse me sir I was wondering black person come through here why no good sir I was just walking through reading my James Patterson novel and listening to wrecking ball guitar of course it is hey miss Dodger critic random white person I found out something the miniseries did better than the movie what what could I possibly be Jack's character huh for shnizzle Jack in the first shining was just playing well Jack it's just another Nicholson role that could be switched out with any other but Kings version had a very complex interesting three-dimensional character that shows step by step what he's going through and why is going through it but it's not scary just because it's not scary doesn't mean it's not good I mean look at Nicholson that man was born to be scary even in the scenes where he's trying to be normal he's still scary but in this version you actually feel sorry for the character and see the natural progression of his tragic story hey Batman played a very emotional very complex very dramatic your ancestor Nicholson performance so Wow King actually did something better than Kubrick I mean the rest of the series is boring cliched not the least bit frightening but at the very least he did explain his main character much better than the Kubrick film did as Steve Webber did a good job bringing that emotion of a normal guy being tormented to the screen despite all its other faults that part was actually pretty well done if if it was just one element Kingdom managed to do something better than Kubrick one of my heroes critic are you okay no it's cool I just need a sit-down think things over a little bit [Music] what's wrong with them I don't know I guess the idea of Stephen King doing something better than Stanley Kubrick was too much for him to take huh well it's been a long day let's see what else we can find the heads pumpkin in it oh well that's perfect because I found this website called pumpkin porn calm ooh everything pumpkin related Oh pumpkin Hot Pocket yes pumpkin onion rings pumpkin tortilla pumpkin meatloaf pokey you [Music] you [Music] would you want me to think anything as long as it's hard

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 2,235,392

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, The Shining (Work Of Fiction), the shining mini series, The Shining (Award-Winning Work), Miniseries (TV Genre), Television Program (Media Genre), review

Id: u4V7NllEE4k

Length: 42min 30sec (2550 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 27 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

The Stanley Kubrick adaptation is better than the Stephen King one, even if the Stephen King one was is more faithful to the book