Ghost Rider - Nostalgia Critic

hello hey jerry i'm doing the thing for nostalgia credit what do you mean i'm not getting paid [Music] okay okay hold hold hold on are you telling me that i won't be getting paid for this hello i'm the nostalgia critic i remember it so you don't have to i've heard of worse ways to try and get nikolas cage into the avengers i guess nicolas cage was so good at making it look like his skull was burning out of his face that this seemed like an inevitable decision ghost rider based on the famous marvel comic series is arguably the [ __ ] coolest looking thing conceived since bacon robot demon slayer it's mine so how can an idea as friggin awesome as this possibly go astray well getting the writer and director of daredevil elektra and jack frost is a good [ __ ] start yeah the guy who made something that's supposed to be adorable terrifying and something that's supposed to be terrifying adorable we're in good [ __ ] hands let's finish off nicholas cage month with ghost rider the movie starts with sam elia giving an opening narration which immediately makes me think we're watching a chevy truck commercial it's said that the west was built on legends tall tales that help us make sense of things too great or too terrifying to believe this is the legend of the ghost rider and i'm talking about the dude here he speaks of a person who did the devil's bidding until he came across a contract of a thousand souls but that contract was so powerful he knew he could never let the devil get his hands on it yeah so a sheet of paper is the big end-all this movie has to offer because there's nothing more terrifying than legal ramifications so he did what no writer has ever done before he outran the devil himself so what you're saying is the devil in this world is a pretty lame one the thing about legends is sometimes they're true and sometimes there's a man okay i'm getting my big lebowski jar here because trust me i'm gonna need it thus the credits burn through the screen to reveal bowser's castle on level four of mario kart here we go [Music] cut to years later as we see a young daredevil named johnny blaze partaking in a father and son act presumably called the flaming speed racers but his father doesn't like how he's trying to impress his girlfriend in the audience you're already screwing around i was just doing it for the crowd both know why you've done it you think she's gonna stand by you when you're in a wheelchair a hot shot i never would have expected a daredevil would be such a show-off but things get complicated when his girlfriend named roxanne played by eve mendez tells her beau that she has to leave and is it me are you waiting for albert finney's big fish narration to take over any minute we'll jump on the back and just keep going tomorrow noon we'll meet here it was then that i realized my adventures have just begun all leading up to when i dressed in drag on that island in summer isle that was a weird weekend he discovers though that he can't leave because his father found out he's dying of cancer which is news to a certain horned one's ears played by peter fonda worried about your father the thing about cancer is the time it takes plans it have to be changed i couldn't help but notice your cartoonishly silly shadow are you perchance a muppet of sorts would you be willing to make a deal name your prize i'll take your soul i knew it you're from google aren't you look i already signed up for google plus even though i don't need it how much more control of my life do you want blaise agrees of course to make a contract with him and his father is miraculously saved from certain death only to accidentally slip into certain death damn that oh gee who would have thought you can't trust the devil you're no good to me dude you you killed him i awkwardly ask you to pull my finger in defiance i'll be watching so the devil claims him as his property which means he can't run off with his girlfriend he doesn't even give her an excuse he just looks at her and rides off like the wind or rain or some [ __ ] and we cut ahead years later to the reveal of our star the cage man he's transformed into the most famous daredevil in the world but his helpers question how he's been able to survive so many injuries without a scratch for so long you should be taking a dirt nap after that ragdoll today i got lucky you got an angel looking after you yeah maybe what's the annie my part draw maybe it's something else maybe it's maybelline but not too far away we get the reveal of our main villain played by wes bentley i just like doing that at random you know just walking across empty desert and suddenly going i mean it may seem pointless to you but if there happened to be a camera in front of me it may possibly scare a seven-year-old but uh not an adult because that'd be childishly silly but i'm gonna keep doing it because you know it's it's it's fun it's just my thing you know it's just me i'm gonna get you and yes folks this is what the villain of our movie looks like because isn't this who you want to see nicholas [ __ ] cage go up against that bag filming [ __ ] from american beauty oh yeah it's just as good as when they teamed up vin diesel against kat dennings or dwayne the rock johnson against tyler perry as medea or mark wahlberg against that snowman from frozen don't underestimate him he bites so he takes out curly of hell's stooges and calls upon his minions of rejected matrix concept art well that's going on cage gets settled into his garage where he looks to relax before his next big stunt oh i see you still haven't gotten the lock for your lift that's great great you got a lot of expensive bikes in here man i told you well jb i said it before i'll say it again this place could use a woman's touch so could you all right four out of five wreck one more and you get the whole set i actually want to talk to you about something kind of serious it's about you jumping on the anniversary of your dad's accident yeah let's see what other exposition did i miss out here oh books yeah books you still have to read books jb on this the anniversary of your father's day i'm trying to relax mac yeah i understand all right it's just gonna take a second and i'm not even kidding i swear to god i'm not making this up cage's idea of relaxing in this movie is pouring jelly beans into a martini glass and laughing at videos of monkeys doing karate you know why is it i get the feeling that nicholas cage wouldn't do this movie unless this specific setup was in it would it really surprise so he's just about to do his biggest stunt when he comes across his old flame roxanne who's now a reporter and he gives what many would consider a very typical nicholas cage interview johnny what drives somebody to risk their life for entertainment i heard you got married most of the time the press focuses on the crashes the broken bones the cost of what you do there any other cause yeah why do i get a terrible feeling that this demonic hell spawn of fire and awesomeness is just gonna be a guy waking up for two hours so he does his jump but realizes he wanted to talk to roxanne some more pull over i can green screen some more effects if you want uh hold on why don't i make it more convincing by adding the navi and jar jar binks to the mix are gonna love you long time so he finally stops them and he has a nice long conversation with her look you were 17 and you witnessed a tragedy and you ran and i understand now like i understood then and i have no hard feelings none you know and that's why they call it the past because it's passed it's done it's over with i call this the if i did in real life i'd probably be arrested kiss it worked great in the notebook eight o'clock yes so cage is finally on a date and after years and years of regret and frustration subtly giving him another chance what does cage do with this opportunity show up late because he's too busy looking at himself in the mirror you deserve a second chance a typical cageism this makes roxanne so upset that she checks her magic 8 ball wait what [Music] movie that's teenage my little pony fan fiction bad is there also an anvil in her purse to knock herself out in case she sees something else that might shock her oh my god another cute boy i used to like but cage is interrupted from his incredibly important mirror watching by the fires of fonda who now tells him that cage as the writer must stop his son from getting the contract which he spontaneously now for some reason decides he wants i guess you just have puberty and you suddenly want the contract of a thousand souls go figure you're under contract remember if you succeed i'll return your soul you know i guess it's kind of fitting seeing how easy writer is passing on a mission too difficult in any way to get emotionally attached fighter so the devil's son and his drew's tried to locate cage but come across a man in his lantern oh for [ __ ] sake movie when the flying hell does anyone carry a lantern unless you're in the haunted mansion or scooby-doo episode you use a [ __ ] flashlight you really shouldn't be here that's what they keep telling me buck cage drops in as he finally starts to transform into the ghost rider and there's no cg being used here folks cage can just set himself ablaze whenever he's asked and i'm not gonna lie when ghost rider is on screen it's pretty [ __ ] awesome looking for someone granted his voice isn't really anything that interesting but then again i guess it would be even stranger if it was still cage's voice coming out of it you turned me on you turned me on for um you're not too tall you're not too short you're not too round so the writer is ready to kick some ass until he's nailed by nicholas cage's greatest arch nemesis what is it with nicholas cage and trucks if he's not dreaming about them hitting little girls he's getting hit by them in real life maybe optimus prime just likes punking with celebrities come on autobots let's scare the [ __ ] out of whoopi goldberg effects dirtbag buckage does manage to get out and get his revenge ashes to asses dust to [ __ ] you're sure to hit me with that goddamn truck so after chasing the evil planeteers away he tours around town trying to take even more evil souls to hell one of them understandably so trying to axe off rebel wilson thanks i'm off to ask conan o'brien to finance a horrible sitcom your soul is stained by the blood of the innocents well you have no lips and yet somehow you still form consonants so he takes his soul to hell has himself a good sleep and ends up in a cemetery owned by of course sam elliott who knows all about him did i say something funny we're big on irony around here that bad [ __ ] oh yeah i forgot it's sam elliott a man who's made a mumbling dialect from his inability to eat his own mustache don i got a nice cozy spot picked out for you i mean is that some sort of eastern thing things are made much better when cage and elliot have to carry on a conversation of mumbles sterilized pen and stare have there been others sterilize that for me there was some seers the souls of the wicked jesus i've had a better time understanding the wookies in the star wars christmas special fallen angels cast out of heaven by think michael himself so he tells him that the devil's son and his minions were angels cast out of heaven and also we learned the name of the devil's son too you ready for this no seriously are you ready for this it's it's pretty funny what's this have to do with black heart blackheart okay i am totally convinced that this was originally a care bears cartoon i mean think about it the silly shadow the guy with the lantern the [ __ ] eight ball this is all stuff you'd see in a preschool saturday morning lineup and now the villain's name is blackheart [ __ ] blackheart it's like calling your villain dark bad or mean poop i mean with all this talk of the devil and fallen angels and such do you really think that this part made it into the bible you think that was actually the devil child's name well i don't want to step on anyone's religious toes so let's just double check it to be sure oh wow revelations 2010 and the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone along with his son t he haha his son heckle heckle i can't believe i'm saying this his son blackheart plahaha okay guys who's punking me wow god does have a sense of humor tired of cleaning the house with those oily rags that just seemed to move the dirt around well why don't you try sam wow the only towel endorsed by sam elliott the instructions are very simple [Music] works on any surface except for latex which would cause a burning reaction if it came in contact with human skin [Applause] you didn't see anything did you miss the cameraman well that's not taking a chance because somebody needs to soak up all that blood and remember see your friend you got more of that good salesman [Applause] so after cage realizes he can summon fire through his fist and tried to scare himself in the mirror hey to be fair and scarier than this dude i'm gonna get you i'm gonna get you he apologizes to roxanne who rightfully so isn't pleased that he abandoned her once again that is until later that night when she realized that she somehow was wrong i came to apologize i'm leaving town tonight and uh i didn't want what i said today to be the last words between us that's okay no it's not lady what the [ __ ] is wrong with you you have nothing to apologize for this is the guy who abandoned you when you were gonna run away forever with him and then never showed up when he was trying to make a amends mostly because he was just staring at himself in the goddamn mirror he seems to do a lot of that in this movie these are big [ __ ] issues and yet you constantly treat it like he spilled mustard on your dress or something oh well at least she's saying goodbye and isn't dumb enough to spontaneously go back to him [ __ ] what is wrong with you i've seen games of pong that don't go back and forth as much as you do and still what does cage end up doing i think i should walk into your car okay i've never seen landing lights more clearly labeled to get the [ __ ] out of a relationship and yet she still tries to fight for his heart you almost kill yourself on the highway so you can ask me out and then you don't show then keep my picture but when i kiss you you try to shove me out the door what don't you care about me at all johnny the way i in no logical sense care for you so he finally gives her a logical explanation she can at least comprehend i sold my soul of the devil [Music] well most women would kick you in the rocks for saying something so stupid but you're throwing an eyebrow like that and suddenly you go from ghost writer to flynn rider for the devil yeah i'm as bounty hunter but it only happens at night like it is right now so tonight you'll i believe soon which is why it's probably a very good idea that you you run on home now roxanne look this worked when i broke up with eight other chicks i'm not sure why it's having no effect on you i realize that you'd rather make up ridiculous stories and be honest with me she does end up not believing him big surprise so i guess it's time for some proof wait a minute a few minutes ago you were shooting flames out of your fist and now you're just hoping she trusts your [ __ ] word would you believe me if i said i was superman but the cops figure out he's the one ripping up the town and throw him in jail which causes him to start going crazy from being around so much evil looks like somebody's tripping out might be a big shot out there blaze but in here you ain't nothing but a monkey in a cage and don't you know you don't put a monkey in a cage you put a cage in a bear it just makes more sense so all the evil brings out the writer and once again it's pretty badass to watch but sadly the badassness meter decreases when you remember he's going up against team hot topic you just love my toxic love things don't get much better when the police start to hunt him down but he has an awesome way out of that too [Music] get over you're here me off okay apologies captain but apparently i was pissing off the flaming skull i'm gonna go to mcdonald's now so he takes out bob james franco marley and starts heading back okay that was pretty [ __ ] awesome throwing a few flaming doves on that one and try not to hit the woman we let walk in front of us for some reason so roxanne makes her way to cage's home because clearly no police would be looking for him there i think the cops in this town mostly consist of this and of course bag filmer is waiting roxanne i almost got you it's a little bit of a flinch there a little bit of a flinch nobody out handsome your pendant stare doesn't work on me i have no soul to burn i guess the caretaker forgot to mention that huh he also forgot to mention that you can't choke a skeleton but whatever he knocks him down and tells him that he's taking his lady friend you don't work for my father anymore you work for me get the contract from the caretaker bring it to me in san venganza i'll be waiting at the spencer's kits where i work so he goes back to sam elliott who apparently has had the contract all along but why the hell should he hand it over he may have my soul but he doesn't have my spirit any man he's got the guts to sell his soul for love got the power to change the world [ __ ] hey this is my little pony fan fiction can you just see an episode ending like that anyone who would give their soul for love has the power to change the world isn't that right ghost pony writer right so elliot reveals that he was the original writer and decides to ride with cage finally showing his true four it's time to deliver a badass climax of fiery biblical proportions with these two this is the end of the trail for me i huh only change one more time and i was saving for this wait a minute you didn't save it to help him battle evil to save the world you've saved it to be a cool looking gps it's a cool cage from an earlier scene smear with you been trying to make things right ever since thank you [Music] god knows i've made my share of mistakes the most recent one being wasting that flaming horse thing thank you kid [Music] uh yeah if i need directions to an all-night taco bell i'll be sure to summon your blaze again or if i ever lose my cell phone in the dark i'll call upon your fiery glow once more i won't just use a flashlight or a lantern which apparently we're still using this [ __ ] dumbass universe starting to see why stan lee didn't cameo in this stupid piece of [ __ ] so kade suits up to how'd brendan frasier and the mummy put it again rescue the damsel in distress kill the bad guy and save the world yeah that as he hands over the contract but finds he can't become the writer when the sun comes up so the badass in the cool code fights the whiny rebellious goth kid half his age as little demons fly into his body making him the most powerful entity in the world oh i'm sorry i was reciting the climax to blade how silly of me here's the climax to ghost rider the badass in the cool code fights the whiny rebellious god kid half his age as little demons blind to his body making him the most powerful entity in the world god silly me confusing the two my name is lee [Music] and seeing how we are many we all took a vote to see if we should talk normally or stretch out our vows like dark heart okay i need one of these so cage tries to shoot him because yeah the most powerful thing in the world i'm sure can be stopped by a shotgun which actually he kind of can weird but he manages to get him in the shadows where his powers can still work a thousand souls to burn oh yeah probably should have thought about that hole becoming a thousand souls in front of the guy who can kill a thousand souls whoops so cage axes him off as the devil is pleased and offers him a chance to go back to normal you get your life back the love you've always wanted you can start a family of your own let someone else carry this curse you're free now must think of [ __ ] reason for sequel must find a way to ditch girlfriend again no i'm gonna own this curse whenever innocent blood is spilt it'll be my father's blood and you'll find me there the spirit of vengeance i will make you pay for this i mean you didn't put any emotion in that scene i'm starting to wonder if we got the real nicholas cage this of course means abandoning his woman again only this time the reasons are even kind of stupider this is what you always were meant to be got your second chance don't worry we'll meet under more embarrassing circumstances in bad lieutenant port of call new orleans and cage rides off into the desert in the most cartoonishly weird way possible which is very fitting seeing how the rest of this movie was pretty much like one big cartoon [Music] so that was ghost rider and when there was actual ghost rider in it it was kind of cool maybe i'm just a sucker for the visual but every time that skull is on screen the movie seems like pretty badass fun but in a surprising move cage really kind of underplays it which at times can work to offset some of the strangeness okay that was weird but most of the time it's just boring maybe he was hoping the contrast of the visual to his monotone delivery would even it out but if the movie want to be more fun he should have played it like caster troy or one of his other over-the-top roles this is just sort of underwhelming the rest of the movie is all phoned in comic book tricks and not the fun inventive ones more the ones you've seen a million times but the filmmakers think you're seeing for the first time for some reason it's stupid silly cliched which is usually fine for a cage film but in this case it was just bored and it takes a lot of skill to make a character as cool-looking as this born so yeah mr director go back to scaring us with your creepy ass no man because this stinker sure ain't keeping anyone awake thanks for joining me for nicholas cage month i hope you enjoyed it and well there's only one person fit enough to exit us out the big man himself sam elliott i couldn't have said it better myself i'm the nostalgia critic and a new year of madness is on the way [Music] and remember kids some mother buckers are always trying to ice skate uphill [Music] smear with you you

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 2,477,150

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, Review, marvel, Ghost Rider (Comic Book Character), Comics (Comic Book Genre), Ghost Rider (Film), Nicolas Cage (Celebrity), movie review, film review

Id: 04KyW3G9NKk

Length: 29min 54sec (1794 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 31 2015