The Quranic Essence of Parenting - Khutbah by Nouman Ali Khan

Yahoo Lahore azzawajal vegetable cream bada anahulu billahi min ash-shaytani r-rajim when logically valid a hero fill a coma at Eridani and avocado a little puranam in public waha my asahi-san allaha wa laka Amin in Nevada la hija para una mirada al Safir on a wall in Hoonah ich alladhina hasta la Homolka Lucio momento Hartman ugly him in Elgin evil in a new home Colonel hassel in when I kulinda naja to me mama Lou will you are fear home Amala home formula of LA moon Illuminati John diamond of volume in crow Bashar Assad River silly every way no luck Tommy listen II of coca-cola allahumma thabbitna and El Monte villa ilaha illallah allahu modular menendez inna mi amigo fairly hot whatever so we'll have what i was all the sub i mean yellow belong I mean today's Kaaba is inspired by an overwhelming number of parents that I have had conversations with and I've had these conversations with them here in the United States here in our local community I had almost exactly the same conversations in different parts of Europe also similarly different parts of the Muslim world the Arab world even in places like Sri Lanka or Malaysia the conversations are somewhat different but overall they're exactly the same and I wanted to take this opportunity in this whole but to remind myself because I'm a parent myself to remind myself and to remind all the parents that are here of certain realities that Allah makes very very clear they're not easy realities but they are clear realities this whole bar is dedicated to two audiences it's dedicated on the one hand to parents and it's also on the other hand dedicated to their children so those of you that are listening as parents also all at the same time listen as offsprings of your parents allah azzawajal describes in many places the relationship between parents and children by way of example so instead of talking about the theory of parenting Allah gives many many case studies of parents and their children and so you have some amazing examples for instance you have the case of ibraheem alehissalaam whose father and some argue uncle but linguistically still father asif builds idols he's actually the source of a lot of the idol worship in his town and his son grows up to be the great leader of the concept of tawheed and the iman in allah is a legend that all the faiths all the monotheistic faiths attributes themselves to in one way or the other as a matter of fact all of Islam is also called maleta abeequm ibraheem' the religion of your father Ibraheem right so on the one hand you have a pretty messed up dad in simple language and you have an amazing son and it's not like the son had an amazing environment a supportive environment where his Iman fostered and things like that it was a pretty corrupt environment everybody around him is worshipping idols there's nobody who thinks like he does as a matter of fact he stands alone and he's considered kind of a rebel you know when he criticizes these idols and he's kicked out of his house also so the first thing that I wanted to highlight in this example is that one's Iman a young man's faith or a young woman's faith according to a large legend isn't always only dependent on their environment a lot of times we've blamed the environment well what can we do we're living in America what can we do they go to public school what can we do there is a bad situation so of course they're going to get impacted by that yeah that's too true to an extent but there's a reason Allah gave us these examples this is the journey of ibraheem alehissalaam before he became a prophet revelation is a later situation first and foremost he starts questioning and exploring and starts criticizing things that are happening around him what that tells us is Allah as though it had enabled human beings each and every one of them regardless of what environment they're in regardless of what situation or what society they're a part of to think for themselves if they choose to follow everybody else and never think for themselves that's on them they don't get to say well what can I do I was in a blinding environment no Allah gave you eyes Allah gave you the ability to see for yourself but on the flip side of this you also have other instances and to me one of the most unique instances is the case of Yaakov alehissalaam who has you could argue two sets of children good kids and bad kids it's the same father and though some have tried to argue this I think it's completely inappropriate to think that Yaakov Arlene Salaam is anything short of a great father either profit and profits are known for their fairness for their goodness for their son to all people especially their own family so it's unimaginable for us to think that he was a good father to Yusuf and maybe - Binyamin the youngest one and he was not such a good dad to the other son that doesn't make any sense he's the father and he's doing his best to raise his children and he's actually later on in the few studies with Yusuf carefully he's even giving good counsel and good advice to those funds that rebelled against him so there's no reason to think he had a double standard the point I'm trying to make is he as a father and as a head of a household as a parent did everything he could to provide a good environment and a good education to his children and yet the results that came are completely different they're actually polar polar opposites on the one hand and what makes it even more interesting is that use of adding salaam was separated from him at a very early age and so he no longer has a good influence yusuf ali salaam no longer has a parental influence and he's becoming a young man as he's growing up in a society we learned a large the which l had given him a lot of you know good look Allah had given him intelligence high intelligence great character but he's living in a corrupt society in the house of a politician and he's basically a young servant who has no parental supervision he could do whatever he wants in a sense within that sphere of his and on top of that later on he was called to wrongdoing so he's in one bad environment and by the way from there he ends up even in a worse environment inside a prison the people around you in prison aren't exactly the best of people and so he's going from one bad environment to another bad environment and when people are in that kind of a bad environment for a really long time you would imagine they're going to come out messed up something's going to happen to them they're going to pick up you know the traits and the qualities of that sick environment that's around them but if you can't and of course that didn't happen with him he retained this pure character but if you contrast that with his other siblings who are actually living in the household of a prophet they live in the best possible environment can you imagine your father is a prophet you you couldn't possibly be parented and be offered a better opportunity to be guided and to be raised right and yet his brothers scheme and they lie and they back fight and they do these things for many many years and they're actually disrespectful to their father as well for no fault of the Father himself so the point I tried to make thus far is that you have parents on the one hand doing nothing like the case of azar doing nothing and yet the product is amazing ibrahim alaih-is-salaam on the other hand you have a you know the case of yaqoob alehsalaam who does everything and the product is sometimes awesome like Yousef alehissalaam or not like the other sibling who for many years were in rebellion when you study the end of the little guy a few find some interesting case studies first you find a story of young men who have a career they make a living by fishing by going out at sea but after that after talking about young men who are trying to earn an honest living interestingly there are two other stories and these both of these stories are about young kids one young boy is killed and the reason given later on is actually this child when he grew up he was going to be a terror and a horror to his parents and it's interesting that what we are told about his parent is about my name kind of Oahu my name is Fadi Hey his parents are both were both righteous good believers so these were two good parents who were going to raise a child to the best of their ability and he was going to be a horror for them he was going to give them a really hard time in life okay so he odd on what cofrin quran will describe it as rebellion and disbelief he's going to leave Islam and he's going to be a horrible rebel against his parents even though they did nothing wrong and raising him on the flip side of it you have a couple of orphan boys who we don't know anything about you know Musa al-salaam is told to build this wall he has no idea why he's building it eventually when the rationale is offered to him why did you build this wall it's actually about these boys whose father was a good man what kinda abukuma Fatiha their father was a good man who died a while ago now these kids are orphaned they're being raised on the street and yet Allah Azza WA JAL wants them to have a good life down the road I keep securing their future down the road what I'm trying to get that is that in this life as far as our children are concerned we have absolutely no control we have responsibilities but not control and we have to understand the difference between those two things I have a responsibility to my parents I cannot control my parents I have a responsibility to my children until a certain age until they reach the age where they are answerable to Allah for themselves when they became when they become value when they're considered adults by Allah that means when they're standing in trial in front of Allah Allah will not come and ask you first he'll ask them directly because they equal Almighty he o Muhammad e falta everyone will come before Allah individually all alone nobody else and so we as we raise our kids when we when they get to a certain point our love for them doesn't go away our concern for them doesn't go away our doors for them don't go away our desire for them to live a good life doesn't go away but is a lot going to hold you responsible for the mistake they make no to the best of your ability you try to give advice and then you have to back off this is something even the Messenger of Allah understood sallallahu alayhi wasallam the man who had the greatest qualities in every sense of the world the word the greatest husband the greatest leader the greatest of all prophets the greatest father and what does he say to his daughter yeah faltamisu Ben to Muhammad he says father my daughter of Muhammad it tequila you need to have you need to be cautious of Allah so in nila I'm like ooh me lucky min allahi Shia I no doubt will have no authority to make any case on your behalf in front of Allah you'll have to stand on your own I know you're my daughter but even that doesn't get you anywhere even that's not enough you're going to have to stand on your own merits in front of Allah this is an important teaching that we need to understand we cannot we cannot change the environment of our children and expect that they're going to come out perfect we cannot later on start getting frustrated with them when they change when they make bad decisions because a lot of our kids will make bad decisions like we made bad decisions you and I made bad decisions - we disappointed our parents - they couldn't control everything we did also we gave them a hard time - so what Allah the Quran is he describes a scenario and just these examples that I wanted to give you was first to help me remember and you remember that our children are simply an Amana from Allah a trust given by allah azza wajal how well did we try to raise them did we do our part that's all new Hani Salaam is not questioned for how he raised his son as messed up as a son was as rebellious as his son was he did his part as a father he did what he could the rest is between his son and allah azza legend but that doesn't mean that we all love our kids and like I told you lots of conversations of especially mothers and sometimes fathers too who come in pain in tears telling me how they raise their children they made them memorize the Quran they sent them to a Sunday school they put them in an Islamic school they moved from one city to another took a pay cut sometimes even lost their business just so they can bring their children into a nicer Muslim community so they can have the environment everything was great this kids what kid was so respectful so loving so kind such a perfect kid you know and all of a sudden something happened to him and now he doesn't pray and he talks back to his parents and she stays out late at night and when you try to question them they snapped I don't know what to do I can't even recognize if it's the same kid where do I go what do I do and that's happening over and over and over again with hundreds thousands if not millions of families children rebelling out of control now there are lots of reasons for that happening but like I said first and foremost this whole bar is directed at two audiences parents and their kids I want to share with you this scenario this idea that children that were raised by good parents rebelling and then completely becoming different people like the compares can't even recognize you I can't believe you're the same child I've seen cases where sons have hit their mothers they physically assaulted their mothers I've seen cases where children have threatened their parents cursed at their parents you know stolen from their parent all kinds of things how did things get to this or come to them and say oh well you know I don't call you anymore because I don't believe in the farm I don't I don't I don't pray I don't really believe in religion more etc and those parents are completely shattered not one literally thousands of them how does it what describe the scenario in a few words Allah Azza WA JAL says when logically valid a he as for the one who said to both his parents who feel Akuma I've had it enough with both of you ok lucuma is not I would not translate this as woe unto you it's a son who's listening to advice the mother keeps hitting him fugly Holly Holly namaz but lo demás below the watch below she comes keeps coming them just pray just pray can you stop doing this can you stop doing that just you know come home earlier she keeps giving him advice advice advice and he's had it he doesn't want to hear it anymore so he just has enough come on stop it already Oh friend Akuma both of you I've had it at say Danny Nia no Pooja you keep promising me that I'm gonna come out of my grave well has heightened Karuna min cut me so many people have died before nobody comes back get over this whole hell heaven thing let me with my life I just want to live my life I just want to be happy ok why are you guys always talking about ok fine if I have to burn in hell it's my problem what do you have to do with it and slams the door and walks out this is this is a scene that's not a new scene this is happening for thousands of years and so what are the parents - well whom is the heat on in LA they are begging the mother is crying at night praying in tears Ya Allah my child my child my son my daughter what do I do she used to wear the hijab she used to memorize the Quran now she's completely become a different person I don't even know what she's up to you know where she goes who she hangs out with I found drugs in her room she smelled like alcohol the other day Ya Allah what do I do yesterday sign is not stee vasa actually means when a town is desperate it hasn't had any rain and it's drought it's dying and drought and people desperately turn it to Allah for a miraculous rain Oh Maya still he found it last means yeah they were asking for a miracle from God himself change something in my life help me with this and then they turned to this boy and say well a common curse you believe that have had it - they can't keep giving soft loving advice whale is not a soft word to use it's actually one of the names of one of the worst places in hell but outside of that in Arabic literature whale is used as a horrible horrible curse against somebody and when they say whale eka you know curse you in a sense damn you why are they saying that this child this most beloved thing of you know product of their love this child that they raised with so much sacrifice and so much concern you know the ones you love the most can cause you the pain the most the child has cost them so much pain but at this point instead of making golf for them it's just the ugliest words even come out of the parents now even parents start saying horrible horrible horrible things out of frustration mothers have done it fathers have done it in the middle in the heat of an argument with their children just set some really terrible terrible things but on captures it way lekha I mean believe why don't you believe why can't you just be a normal kid why can't you be like everybody else why can't you be like Yousaf why do you have to be like this you know and this kid by the way it's remarkable that Allah captures reality in not in idealistic terms he captures it in pragmatic like exactly how things play out he turns back and he says flesh-wound Omaha De La Salle feelin a winning this is nothing but old stories can you stop can you stop giving me the old stories the mother starts quoting an ayah from the Quran or telling him about this prophet or telling you about this hadith or can you keep this old stuff to yourself I don't need this anymore thank you very much I don't want none of this you keep these stories and you tell them to somebody who cares tell them somebody who's interested so para la la ma ha ha ha ha sido la money in some of you as you are listening to this you've actually experienced something like this you've lived it some of you are living in that horror in your homes every time the son walks in there's an argument between the parents and the children my first address is to the children understand that when you're doing this and you think fighting for your happiness you're you're in some unique situation that nobody understands you a lot understanding the crime you've committed against your parents isn't a small one that is not a small crime you can let in a haka alayhimu : those are the people that the word meaning the verdict of punishment is rightfully deserved by those young people Co momenta Lachman ugly human urge anyone in this is the same story for all kinds of nations of jinn and human beings rebel rebellion has always been there in the home Carlo HOF city they've always been losers you will not win in life you will you will hurt your parents you'll rebel against them you'll run away from them you'll do whatever you feel like doing thinking I'm just living my life let me breathe you'll never find happiness you'll always be a loser you'll always find yourself in loss because of the suffering you caused your parents it's okay for you to have doubts it's okay for you to question why are we following this religion that's fine but the way in which you dealt with your parents was merciless they gave you love care and mercy and you gave nothing but pain in return in the home care no cosseting and you may not be like the example that was just given so what does Allah Himself do well equal in garages anima amino and for everybody is according to the degrees that they did in other words some people are extremely rebellious some people are somewhat rebellious some people are not praying anymore or some people are doing some haram things in life and they're rebelling some people have left Islam all together and our cursing Islam and cursing the Prophet encouraging the Quran that's happening to according to the degree of your crime Allah will deal with you so even though Allah has given one scene in a sense the worst case scenario doesn't mean everybody fits in this scenario Allah Himself acknowledges that inside Molly : Suraj Allah and Muhammad oh well you appear home are male of the moon they're going to be compensated fully for whatever they did they're not going to be the ones that are wronged but now I turn my attention as I close to the parents that may be going through this kind of suffering may allah azzawajal protect all of our parents from ever having to see these difficult days but first and foremost this is a reality even profits were not spared new holiday in Salem had to face it you know you have yaqoob alehissallaam had to face it right Ibrahim alayhi Salaam was terrified of it even though he had fantastic son he was terrified of it he may blog about it you know what you believe of Ania and a Buddha of naam keep me and my children forever from ever falling into the worship of idols that's what the holiday brahim are they set up so it's not like we're ever going to be free from that concern but I will tell you one thing in the eye others in a shout out is an indication when you are when your son is 18 19 20 25 28 30 is an adult maybe a young adult maybe a very immature adult maybe one that makes horrible terrible mistakes in life but then again he's still an adult and when that child or that that man or that woman is an adult and they're making mistakes in life what is your role you and I have to remember where no Raphael column the pen has been lifted as far as our responsibility is concerned our job was to raise them to the point where they become adults once they are adults they are directly responsible to Allah the more you try to control them at that age the more you try to tell them what to do the more you try to tell your 18 year old your 20 year olds your 25 year old to pray pray pray the farther they will run from the prayer the more annoyed they will become they will actually distance themselves from you you will want nothing to do with you they will see you the mother who loves them but as soon as they see you haven't even opened your mouth here we go mom's going to start her lecture about prayer again mom's going to give me a whole talk about how I need to make Toba or how I need to stop talking to that girl or I hire you to stop you oh god I you know what I'm not even coming over I'm just going to go out I don't want to deal with it and the mom says I'm trying to do that well what do you want me to do not do Dawa not invite my child not make them better well actually the way you're doing it is making things worse the way you're doing it is making things worse understand that there are two levels of the relationship you have with your children especially when they get older there's a spiritual relationship in which you're trying to give them advice you know see how counsel that's a spiritual relationship and then there is an emotional relationship a mother is a mother she loves her well the matter if he's the worst human being on the earth Cecil's going to love her child and that child that son doesn't matter if he becomes 45 he still wants emotional support from his mom he should he still turns to his mother for love and care he still should feel like I no matter who turns me away my mother will never turn me away these two things your role as a spiritual guide a spiritual counselor and your role as a mother or a father or two separate things you have to keep those two things separate and sometimes when our children rebel and go away from Allah then they don't need you to be a dye they don't need you to give them spiritual advice because that will push them further away they just need you to be a mom right now just make them food don't talk about Dean for a while don't bring it up because you know the last ten times you brought it up what happened you should learn from your own experience advise the father don't lose your cool don't start complaining he comes the son comes home once in a month and that one month the father says oh you finally show up and he says this is why I don't come because you talk like this and he walks out again what did you gain what did you gain this is why you'll understand that when Yahoo vada his Salaam was brought a shirt dirty with blood and he knew that his sons were lying he knew it he understood that right now I can do nothing about this situation so the words that came out of his mouth are forever going to resonate for any parent who has adult children that are out of control saw sub ruling Jimmy voilá almost on a D'Amato Sifu the only thing beautiful left now is patience I need to demonstrate beautiful there's such a thing as ugly patience by the way but he needs to demonstrate beautiful patience it needs to keep a smile maintain at least the emotional part of the relationship how are you doing son are you eating well is everything okay don't bring up Dean just maintain the relationship why why am I saying that because Shaitaan will come to that foolish young man or that foolish young woman and say to them your parents hate you they always criticize you they're always nagging you they're always lecturing you forget them live your life get away they don't love you if they love you when they talk to like this and he's going to he or she are going to go far and far and far away your job as parents now when perhaps more difficult than though waking up in the middle of the night and changing their diapers and taking them to the hospital when their fever spikes at 2:00 in the morning you know and taking care of their school and getting you know getting them ready and all all those exhausting years that you know that was actually easier what you're being asked to do now is much harder to demonstrate beautiful patience and maybe to find other sources to give them advice not you maybe somebody else needs to talk to them the worst thing you can buy up by the way sometimes our children they're programmed at a certain age and you and I were like this too you'll take advice from anyone except if it comes from your father if it comes from your father you're annoyed before you even open his mouth you're agitated your mother says watch this video listen to this here listen to this oh god here she goes again either one you know there are people who come up to me you know I hate you they tell me I hate you like what did I do because not you my mom makes me watch your videos all the time I can't stand you please don't make me watch make your kids watch my videos please I'm telling you you're pushing them further away it doesn't help you can shove religion down their throats just be a parent just be a parent as painful as it is as rebellious as they've become they need something else from you at this point and so I leave you with the following even with look man who's probably the longest passage on parenting in the Quran there's no other place in the Quran that deals with the subject of parenting as exhaustively and that's even that's brief but the case of look man via Lahore no but look at how a large that we just described is just one part of it if kala look Manu New Guinea he whoa there's lots of conditions when at the very moment when look Vaughn said to his son while he was in a position to counsel him in other words look Martin doesn't just give his son lecture after lecture after lecture he finds the right time the right opportunity he thinks of a strategic opportunity and then brings up Yamuna Yelich Aquila my son take a look we don't don't do Gautama he doesn't just throw that lecture on his son constantly there's actually a highly Oahu I long suggesting he was very strategic if that opportunity presents itself well and good if it doesn't and take your time be patient parents that are in this audience already know you've already had many conflicting arguments and discussions you've already had fights with you know somebody stormed out of the house or yelled and screamed or slammed the door you already know that if you're going to have that conversation start again it's going to end up the same way be smart about it don't don't walk into that same trap again you don't I never want to be the kind of parent that has to say well a common to get to the point where I lose it and I start cursing and I start yelling and screaming at my children and I never want to hear from my children this religion is nothing but old stories and they're not saying it because they just believe in religion they're saying it because they're annoyed with their parents they can't take it anymore this needs to this conflict this tension needs to be brought down may allah azza wajal make us wiser parents and what and more obedient children their lives are just soft in the hearts of both parents and children towards a less Deen and may Allah Azza WA JAL ease the suffering of the families that are having problems with their children and may allow so it'll give the children the sense and the guidance to come back and make tawba barakallahu li walakum Phil Khurana Hakim when a finally we accompany IIT was Vicky Jackie hamdu lillahi wa kafa o salat wa salam o allah a body heal Adina's pasa pasa nada of body him Muhammad Nabeel Muhammad Amin Amin wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'in yahoo lahore azza wajal chiquita be incur in bada an Akula arulu billahi min ash-shaytani r-rajim inna llaha la mala yahoo Yosa luna ala nabina honda dina amanu sallu alayhi wasallam Otis lima allahumma salli ala muhammadin wa ala ala muhammad cama for later Ali Ibrahim voila Ali Ibrahim Afellay limine in the Camino Majid allahumma barik ala muhammadin wa ala ala muhammad came a barakah other Raheem runner Libre he muffled al-amin in the comida Majid a bodiless Rahim a Kamala eat tabouleh inna llaha ya'muru bil ad-lib election et al kaba Ryan ha and in fashion evil moon curve Onizuka allahu akbar allahu yamamoto's neuron a famous Allah in the fanatical at almani Nikita Bono puta

Channel: Bayyinah Institute

Views: 316,679

Rating: 4.8951197 out of 5

Keywords: Nouman Ali Khan, Arabic, Quran, Islam, Bayyinah, Bayyinah TV, Bayyinah Institute, Koran, Islamic, Education, Muslim, islam, muhammad, muslim

Id: alSMirHDUDE

Length: 29min 1sec (1741 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 14 2017