The Portal Has Been Opened - Totally Accurate Battle Simulator (TABS)

oh no this unit's called the divine arbiter and i think the shaking is because he's just realized that he's about to go into battle armed with a really bad doctor strange cosplay and a book how about this my guy i'll give you a fighting chance we're gonna have a wobbly horse find its way up a set of stairs which is a battle in itself but it should give you more than enough time to conjure whatever plan of attack you want to launch i mean spoiler alerts if your only magic is to summon a bunch of neon sperm then maybe you should take your talents off the battlefields and go back to birthday parties what's up guys welcome back to totally accurate battle simulator where for today's episode we have quite possibly the biggest update ever released for this game and i know because it's april fool's day a lot of you guys are gonna think this is a prank or click bait or something like that but we've got hobbits getting wrecked in the main menu that's a dramatic improvement right off the bat but we also have this which is what i'm gonna start with okay we'll get it out of the way right off the bat so you know i'm being serious we've all been theorizing for a real long time that the trick to getting through this door was to use a specific unit maybe one that had been released maybe one that hadn't been released but i think i just need to look at it as if i was finding a secret unit except this is gonna be a much much bigger secret uh that is not what i was expecting can i get a unit with some light in here i feel like i recognize some of these units but it's impossible to tell when it's completely pitch black in here thank you that that works that should make things a whole lot more epic oh okay oh no i take it back i know as much about each of these units as i do the giant golden space-time butthole that they're guarding i know i'm probably supposed to stick a finger or two in that thing and i will but first i want to see if any of these statues are actually secret units and the only way of doing that is by staring at them i would assume this is supposed to be the tabs god of productivity he's got all of the world's coffee and energy drinks in his arms which makes it extra ironic that we can't wake him up oh yes the tabs god of modern arts they don't even allow children to pose for school photos wearing a hat or a hoodie how did he manage to pose for a statue that was going to be left here guarding the most valuable thing in the universe i know humanity has worshipped a whole lot of different gods but do you think if we found evidence of ancient furries we would tell the world i get the feeling that's the kind of thing we would just destroy for the betterment of humanity oh this is a little different we've got the patron saint yetis iii he would forgive everybody for their sins but no one would forgive him for his boy banned haircut i would have never guessed there was a god of pe teachers but it makes sense it is a universal constant everybody at some point in their life has had a middle-aged woman in a tracksuit looking just like this tell them to run around a gymnasium it's the tabs god of thinking and as you would imagine not too many units pray to him anymore oh right it's brun hilda the heavy hammer the tabs god of heavy hammers yeah you could tell that she came after the last guy was abandoned i think these two were known as tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber they're the ones that bless tabs units with hair and extra deep v-necks judging by the left one got the tabs god of rock not because of his musical genres because his guitar is stuck in a rock there's a reason that all the birds piss themselves while playing banjo i don't think the god of linear time and round hats needs any explanation and the god of lube and chickens doesn't deserve an explanation i'm not even gonna ask okay whatever kind of acts of prayer you're selling i'm not buying and last but certainly not least we've got god's gods right i think this is the head honcho like the guy who created the world the guy who created tabs units i was kind of hoping i could get control of him but looks like nothing in here is a secret unit oh yeah there's definitely something going on in there like i wish i could say this was the first time that i dove headfirst into a butthole but i'm sure most of you have seen some of my videos before here goes nothing uh oh okay what the hell this is definitely one of the most different locations that we've ever seen it's like we were just transported to heaven or like olympus or some kind of after life hopefully not i get the feeling i'm not too welcomed in tabs heaven and if this is where tabs units go when they die then i'm about to run into a couple of years worth of familiar faces oh they're gonna have a real long line for revenge this is absolutely beautiful though i almost don't want to fight here you know what i just spent five minutes staring at statues for no reason i deserve a secret unit right off the bat give me some kind of crazy battle angel with a fat pair of mommy milkers that would definitely start things off well i got a solar architect what oh right it completely slipped my mind of course if there's gonna be a new map there's gonna be a new faction to go along with it we've got the good faction listen i don't care what you guys call yourselves i'm still gonna slap the piss out of you so these are the absolute cheapest units that you can get from the new faction they're called the devout gauntlets and they kind of look like ned flanders joined a cult the praise to the sun it was given radioactive brass knuckles not something i thought i was gonna fight today and not something that i'm particularly comfortable with fighting because i've been looking around trying to find a unit that costs around 200 and the best thing i can come up with is the hop light i can afford to teleport three of them up to heaven that's a fancy new little animation like it's 3v3 the money is almost fair but i don't think the battle is gonna be fair i'm under the impression that the hoplites are gonna get absolutely crucified or not why would i second guess a warrior that was trained from birth obviously they can beat a guy who's wearing a gold mustache and shoulder pads i want to see these guys lay the smack down so maybe we can put them in a battle that's not quite fair i mean like the money's even and they're dramatically outnumbered but the hobbits are punching bags they're crash test dummies so i'm kind of hoping to see all of these fancy fists turn the hobbits into puddles or at the very least send them to space if you send something to space from here is that up or down not even really sure where we are you see the problem is the hobbits don't know how to fight trying to pull down somebody's holy pants during battle isn't a great strategy every time new units are released i always forget to do this but we need to test each one of them out with cheerleaders because they could have some kind of secret hidden ability they could turn into a tornado they could touch you inappropriately i don't know like what should we have him face off against though maybe something like a brawler i mean they wouldn't really find their way into heaven of course neither would the hobbits can half a soul make it to heaven it doesn't really matter point is we just want to see these fists break a i was gonna say shields but ribcage works the next unit is called the celestial aegis which is kind of a bubble boy or a bubble girl it's so hard to tell with tabs units because they don't have the shapely hips or fat tits that you would expect but i want to say that this is a defensive unit and aegis is a shield i'm pretty sure so it's probably gonna block projectiles how about i send in a couple of archers and you guys can test that bubble oh um okay it does block projectiles but it throws some back and that's a problem and here i was thinking three archers was gonna be overkill let's go ahead and try a half a dozen it will double the number of arrows that were firing at the bubble lady oh okay we can pop the bubble did you guys plan on firing again or are you just gonna let her roast you okay freaking archers man they're like we're already in heaven what's the worst she could do i have so many questions for this unit will melee attacks work can we manage to hit her through the shield yeah okay so pointy sticks are effective against a bubble good i'm not going completely crazy so defensively she can be beaten but how strong do you think those fireballs are like would they manage to uh hold on i was gonna ask if the fireballs could break your neck but it looks like somebody already beat me to it all right well we'll just see if they can manage to burn those puffy pantaloons or are they just gonna barely singe you she can dodge or you can miss it's more likely that the king can miss especially if he has no motor control over his heads here's a million dollar question for you do you think the shields stack on top of one another like do they protect nearby units if i wanted to say protect a stupid hobbit named blumpkin then could i put him in a group of these things and he would just be shielded tenfold i'll want to test it out against a whole lot of projectiles and the huacha is the perfect thing for this recipe i'm actually gonna put a couple of samurais in front to make sure they don't get fireballed i wonder if the samurai can deflect fireballs this is what happens when you get new units there's just no telling what's gonna happen yeah they can deflect fireballs but the bubbles don't do a great job against the watches oh we've got one survivor the watch is reload though all right you know what i'm perfectly fine with slaughtering a new unit and giving the watch a win it's been a while so they can defend against a small number of projectiles until the bubble bursts so they're not good against quantity but maybe they can defend against quality would a ballista be able to pierce the bubble would a ballista be able to pierce that hobbit that i've got set up behind i hope you don't fireball before the ballista shoots it actually bounced off so it is really really good at defending against quantity and not quality that's interesting now we're moving up to some serious units this is called radiant glaive and he has a very fancy weapon as well as fancy shoes i think he costs the exact same amount as a ninja okay so we can have an earthly glaive versus a radiant glaive i didn't think i was gonna have a ninja face off against a heavenly warrior today but it wasn't that much of a fight oh come to think of it i thought the shield absorbed all of the stars but nope some of them managed to find their way to the heavenly package how are you still standing let's see how these fresh shoes and sparkly weapons handle a bigger pair of balls it's been a while since we've had a giant run amok and i want to see if you can freeze units in the afterlife you can i'm sure the titanic passengers were ecstatic to find that out come on giant you don't even seem to really notice these things happening you just kind of explode in a puff of light on his chest you'd better luck killing him with a flashlight this would actually make a really good test for the samurai because they only cost like a third as much as these things but if they can deflect a glaive then they might be able to close the distance and bring some pain there we go come on samurai you guys absolutely have this there's no way they can shield bash their way out of this hopefully this is going on for way longer than i feel comfortable i kind of assumed once you close the distance you guys would ruin them it's a 2v1 yes i mean don't get me wrong i love the new factions and i definitely want to be on their side at some point but whenever they're introduced i i just want to put them in their place again i'm having a hard time figuring out whether the righteous paladin is a big beefy boy or a big beefy grandmother i mean it looks cool if anything all these units kind of remind me of the neon faction both in their abilities and the fact that they've got a bunch of glowing junk glowing stuff glowing weapons i don't know if this one actually has junk but i'm going to assume it's a battle grandmother and i kind of want to beat her with one unit if we could have a decent 1v1 here the knight is the closest thing i can think of in both size and price so hopefully you can do your best not to get hammered okay she's got light hammers and i don't mean low weight so stay nimble on your toes there we go he's actually managed to avoid every single crushing blow so far way to go knight shield batch okay that was close yeah granny didn't put in her contacts this morning she's missing everything you got this oh wait she totally should have crushed yourself there this isn't going anywhere how if neither of these units died that was a direct hit okay yeah his spine is coming out his butthole now you just know if there's gonna be a giant magical hammer crushing things to death and i need to get more hobbits up to heaven i do have a talent for sending them here so i would imagine if we put them in a nice tightly compact formation then they should get absolutely wait what they all got back up from that it hit right down in the middle of the group twice but we don't have any little red puddles we got one guy who has a headache and that's it why is this such a weak attack you gotta be kidding me it's such a cool looking ability but it doesn't really do anything she keeps smashing them they should be tenderized like steak but they're still grabbing at her come on i had such high hopes for this it reminds me of the cannon that would fire a laser boxer from the neon units except that wasn't disappointing oh no this unit's called the divine arbiter and i think the shaking is because he's just realized that he's about to go into battle armed with a really bad doctor strange cosplay and a book how about this my guy i'll give you a fighting chance we're gonna have a wobbly horse find its way up a set of stairs which is a battle in itself but it should give you more than enough time to conjure whatever plan of attack you want to launch i mean spoiler alerts if your only magic is to summon a bunch of neon sperm then maybe you should take your talents off the battlefields and go back to birthday parties i'm incredibly confused as to what just happened or what was the point of what just happened you summoned a whole bunch of nonsense maybe it's more effective against peasants can it no it doesn't really oh there it is okay so it i mean you still got slapped around but yeah it needs a little bit of time it's got a wind up but you got to wait for the pitch well then let's try lighting up something that's a bit slower hey snuffy i didn't even think you're kind of be able to make it up here to be perfectly honest it's good to see you now if you don't mind could you maybe absorb a whole bunch of hits and then have your face evaporated okay that might have been a little overkill i used half a dozen of them because i assumed they were weak but i i think they might be able to one-shot stuff so i need a really strong really slow unit to test on but i don't think the reaper fits i mean i mean thematically because he works in tandem with this place right he's the one ferrying all of the dead here so i don't know if you want to fire him because i'm going to be sending a whole lot more units here the traffic is about to explode holy crap this thing costs a thousand and it just one shot at the raper that cost like two and a half times as much this might be the new ballista let's try three divine arbiters versus a frost giant because i think that's how many ballistas you need to take down one of these things question is are you guys going to be able to stop him before he starts to breathe on you okay he survived three that's impressive but it does kind of knock him over and push him back and delay i i think this might be the strongest unit we've seen yet i mean obviously because we're going from weakest to strongest but still this has a lot of potential oh my god they have a sacred elephant this is my new favorite thing i don't even care what it does it costs almost the exact same amount as snuffy so we clearly need to have a pachyderm brawl snuffy's actually quite a bit bigger both in tusk and thickness but the elephant has a rider with some fancy spears is he gonna chuck those okay and those look like they're gonna explode however snuffy is not screwing around he absolutely crushed that thing and died okay so the rider is the one doing all the damage here the elephant got absolutely foobard i can tell you right now there are gonna be so many custom units that use these elephants to break the game but fortunately i don't need to wait i should be able to break the game using cupid this is kind of home field turf for him i dare say he'll be able to make these elephants do synchronized backflips that was perfectly timed oh i don't think it's gonna fit guys oh wait what the riders can keep throwing their spears when they're getting humped by an elephant how that doesn't make any sense they should be getting turned inside out cupid run now is not the time for trick shots you're about to get ruined oh i love this game no it's it's over right the elephants are not pleased with you they're they're even gonna try to fly um okay what the christ was that i i can't even explain that the elephant just took off it takes a second for these things to set in and when you realize that elephants are literally flying you just you can't really not like this game can't really not like this game i think the elephants are melting my brain or at the very least my grammar but this final unit the strongest one in the faction is called the chronomancer which is pretty friggin cool i would imagine he can control time was no time like the present to have a bunch of hobbits turned inside out hopefully you can control a lot of time oh yeah he actually freezes them in time that's a pretty cool what the hell he did he just transformed into some kind of majestic time butterfly and then ruin the rest of them when it was just one or two it was like pew pew you're frozen you're frozen and then you just optimus primed the rest of them we gotta see that again with something a little bit stronger and maybe in slow motion so he is throwing out some kind of breezing ability that guy's just stuck in time he can do that to a couple of them but then i'm guessing once he gets overwhelmed maybe something to do with the clock behind him is that going to change like it we're currently at nine o'clock maybe when it goes to 12 o'clock oh nope it's getting closer to six it's counting down that's interesting so maybe the more damage he takes the closer he gets to reverse midnight and then he's gonna transform oh we're down to three so his abilities aren't changing every couple hours it's it's counting down has to be counting down the whole way is he still just freezing them one at a time and getting speared in the nuts come on do it do it i want to see you transform so badly there we go okay it's midnight it's show time wow that is by far the fanciest unit we have ever seen in tabs yeah he is going all for it so what exactly are yeah that's that's a little bright and he fully transformed into a big beautiful golden butterfly warrior i mean the diaper isn't all that flattering but it's like the reverse reaper it's got light tentacles i don't think it matters if they're light or dark when they're in your butt but sure he's also got this thing this looks kind of intimidating did you not show me your fat ass oh it was intimidating it literally shot a giant area of effect time freeze and i guess you're just gonna finish them off all right you know what for the strongest unit in the faction that is damn impressive oh yeah i almost forgot we got one more unit the secret unit that i unlocked the solar architect i don't know if this thing is going to be stronger than what we just saw but if it controls the sun then i mean sky is literally the limit i wanted to fight something different how about we have some raptors running after it you think you can fry a raptor too it absolutely can it opened some kind of sun symbol and just instantly roasted everything inside of it hey snuffy i know you've had your hair singed off before and it's always a real bummer to grow it back but could you maybe step in and see just how strong that symbol is oh he's got another attack he can throw little sun globs or whatever but he missed with his fancy attack so now i'm guessing he's gonna get stomped into a paste unless you can open another one which you can't we need a happy medium here like maybe a couple of nights cause i i dare say they'll be able to survive oh they actually get pushed around yeah they can't walk throw it it's actually a barrier and damages very strange some of these units i can't really think of how they would be incorporated into a strategy but because they're different it's like a swiss army knife you're going to have something for every occasion you know anything that's gonna be up for this episode of totally accurate battle simulator guys i love when we get new updates like this this is practically christmas for me except it's on april fools and surprisingly this isn't the entire update we got a lot more than just one map and one faction i'm pretty sure there's another map and another faction and probably campaign levels and i think multiplayer and a bunch of stuff added to the unicreator so people can make even more ridiculous stuff and i don't even know i like to keep it a surprise but this is just the stuff that i've heard about so if you guys want to see more as always be sure to leave a like the video leave a comment letting me know your support is the reason i'm playing this the day it came out and maybe it'll be the reason that i've returned tomorrow for more but thanks so much for watching this video i hope you enjoyed and i'll see you next time you

Channel: CaptainSauce

Views: 920,536

Rating: 4.9478412 out of 5

Keywords: totally accurate battle simulator, tabs, totally accurate battle simulator open door, tabs open door, totally accurate battle simulator good faction, tabs good faction, tabs fantasy, tabs fantasy update, tabs fantasy good, totally accurate battle simulator new faction, tabs new faction, totally accurate battle simulator heaven, tabs heaven, tabs portal, tabs funny, tabs funny moments, totally accurate battle simulator new update, tabs new update, captainsauce, captain sauce

Id: yFRsSzgcUuc

Length: 25min 46sec (1546 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 01 2021