Why Did They Make A Time Controlling Mecha-Angel? - Totally Accurate Battle Simulator (TABS)

i don't know whether to be more worried about the fact that he can control time as a weapon or that he can look intimidating in a crop top it's like my grandpappy used to always say there's no problem in heaven or earth that can't be solved with the liberal application of high explosives hopefully we can blow up this guy's perfectly bleached short shorts before he transforms into some kind of terrifying time angel would really appreciate that okay yup we didn't blow him up guys and now we've got problems we had problems i guess that's how time works [Music] what's up guys welcome back to totally accurate battle simulator where for today's episode we're gonna see just how powerful the new good faction really is for the second saying i do enjoy taking control of these new units and leading them into battle but i just can't help but be more excited to face off against them and put them in their place we'll start things off at a level called protected advance where we've got a celestial aegis guarding a couple of devout gauntlets like i gotta level with you guys real quick i made a video covering all of these units just a couple of days ago and have already completely forgotten all of their names i just had to look them up and now i've forgotten two seconds later they're not memorable it's the base seeking fireballs and the glow-in-the-dark fists that stick with you i think the strategy here is to just run at them like don't use any ranged units because we don't want the aegis to block stuff and don't have too many units have to climb up too many stairs because tabs units have about as much mobility as a piss-soaked toddler so hopefully we can get up and over oh isn't that just cute they've got more behind us guys turn around hopefully those shields can block face-seeking fireballs this isn't going terrible but it's also not going particularly well are you kidding me right now i thought to get into heaven you had to only do missionary in the dark how is it you guys are going to double team me from both ends in public and not consider yourselves hypocrites i should have known heaven was going to fight dirty like of course it's not going to be an even battlefield and i don't just mean the stairs i mean they took me by surprise but not this time i'm thinking we do the same strategy except we're gonna put our hoplites like this if we can spread them out a little bit then hopefully we'll be able to attack all fronts at once even though that's kind of a worse strategy i have a whole lot of faith in their ability to block and stab there we go this is uh kind of even we've got a whole bunch of survivors down low yes this is working okay come on guys you got this please stab stab stab leonitus you got this yes oh it feels good to run it back knowing that you were in the right the first time this could be a bit of a problem it's a level called determined guard where the aegis is back except for this time it's defending ranged units and half a dozen radiant glaves and of course they also have a righteous paladin i came here to rock heavenly peonies and vaginis i i didn't want to slap around to battle grandma well if there's one lesson i've learned in heaven so far it's watch your ass i see a little flank to running back there except for they're really far away from the main battle so i'm thinking this is actually gonna be two battles if i used a whole bunch of firework archers now hear me out i know they've got some bubble shields but we have a whole lot more fireworks than they have shields so maybe we can overwhelm them we'll kill everybody on the right and then by the time the people on the left show up we could just turn around and there's nothing left alive behind us does that make sense hopefully you guys can actually penetrate these bubbles i dare say you can screw up battle grandma okay she can still launch the hammer while she's flying around like a kite in the wind are you kidding me really come on usually people that age need some kind of contraption to get them up a set of stairs god damn it man like who needs to hover around when you just got a magical hammer i'm gonna throw down even more archers this time basic archers we're not going to worry about making them fly we're just going to worry about filling them with holes oh crap i didn't realize the glaives have shields that's a problem and the glaives bounce between units did you guys see that it it acts like zeus is lightning okay good to know hold up a second what am i thinking i don't need to line up here in the middle and then let them surround me i can surround them because they're in my neck of the woods so if i use nothing but samurai then i should be able to deflect all the fireballs and the glaives we really only need to worry about battle grandma because we should flatten all these flanders right off the bat or the devout gauntlets i don't have a screenshot of their names right next to me shut up but i do want to have a backup plan i'm thinking a couple of musketeers something is decent at range i don't know if the bullets can penetrate the bubbles they probably can i'm just worried that we're not gonna be able to kill battle grandma at close range because of her stupid magic hammer so something like that you guys should be able to wipe these guys out real quick like just kill them and move on you got them surrounded you got them flanked you got them outnumbered there we go whole bunch of samurai survivors and we're moving on you guys can defeat the stairs right we're okay with stairs goods wonderful now musketeers i need you guys to focus all of the bubbles are dead all you gotta do is shoot the big blue lady oh she got chopped down i think the samurais might be able to pull this off on their own they're doing a fantastic job okay i need to remember that surround the enemy when they're out of position next up we have a level called flanking motion and i honestly can't tell if that's supposed to be an ironic title or not because the last two levels were flanking motions whereas in this case we just have a bunch of units running straight at us there's nothing behind us there are a couple of battle grandmas on the ends here but i can shoot them easily enough put a couple of dead eyes on the job and hope that they target what i want them to target that leaves us four thousand dollars to deal with the idiots in the middle and i'm kind of tempted to try out a wobbly horse you know all wobbly horses go to heaven right they have a church but i don't know if i trust them on a map with this many holes i swear to god if they run off the edge i am going to lose it you guys should be able to charge right through these idiots we already know that you don't care all that much about the book holders uh they got ruined and the dead eyes did not manage to kill battle grandma really how she's got a metal shield you've got bullets i mean this time they don't have any glaives so maybe we can get away with trying a bit of a saucy strategy being a whole bunch of balloon archers just line them up and then that way the enemy can't get close to us there's no way they can close this distance if anything they should just constantly be stuck in the golden arches it's like the mcdonald's from hell i just hope that the breeze doesn't blow battle granny over onto us because we don't watch the hammers coming down uh could you guys maybe focus the knock off doctor strange's in the back because they shoot the rays of pain i don't know how to describe it as long as we can keep everything juggled then we should be perfectly safe see what i mean she's never going to be able to come for us eventually her lumbago is going to kick in and she's not going to get up or she'll just land on her heads one of the two i think she's the last one so what do you guys think it's gonna be lower back problems or balloon arrow to the spine probably the latter you see they call this level steadfast wardens but all i hear is send in the bejeweled elephants but we know that the elephants aren't actually a problem they're just like a horse a very fancy tusked horse but i mean they're not the ones to do the damage it's the rider that does the damage he throws both of his spears so what if we send in our own pachyderm that likes to do his own damage we can have a little elephant on elephant action and then back him up with rocks maybe we could just throw rocks at them is that a bad idea i feel like that's a bad idea when i say it out loud it sounds bad hopefully we won't need to throw rocks hopefully snuffy can get in there and do the damage himself come on big guy you're dead oh no no we're literally throwing rocks at an elephant it's the ancient version of an analogy that i've been using in these videos forever flicking pebbles at a tank it doesn't work if we have to kill a bunch of elephants then i should probably send in poachers really it's their thing and then i also want a couple of wizards because nothing is sexier to a battle grandma than gandalf the reds that leaves me with eighteen hundred dollars to blow up in their face yeah i just want these guys to roll on in and do as much damage as possible i don't even care if they really kill anything but it would have been a nice bonus come on gandalf shock those saggy titties please help a brother out why are you not killing your gandalf you should be worth more than her the elephants are surviving but only barely and they seem to be dancing no poachers you were supposed to be the one to kill the elephants not gandalf oh you got to be kidding me right now he's doing a damn good job though you got this old man oh you absolutely have this is a 1v1 just don't get speared in the dick it's words to live by for everyone it doesn't have to apply to just wizards i think our biggest issue there was the barrels like i pissed away too much money on a kamikaze run that didn't have much of an impact if i went with a couple of pharaohs then that should be really helpful even if they only survive one round of making the opponent pray that should be enough for my ranged units to make it so that they can't get back up every unit i have right now is range so get the prayers going that's not quite what i was looking for okay come on dude dundees nuts make them pray come on are not well it's up to you guys now come on poachers you should be all for this time to earn your money big guy gandalf did you actually take out the battle grandmas it worked kind of we got poachers and they're trying their best to shoot this guy in the ass yes i've never been so happy to see an elephant spin around and explode this is a level called encasing force and it confuses me more than stares confuse these flanders okay i know they're devout gauntlets i refuse to call them that flanders is far funnier also they have a bunch of glaives around me which could be a problem now that i think about it i know i should probably be more concerned with the fact that i'm surrounded by heavenly warriors with a bunch of fancy weapons but i gotta ask if this was actually heaven wouldn't people be getting penetrated and sucked off all over the place because it seems like it's up to me to do that so i'm gonna get the reaper and his tentacles in there to penetrate people's bodies and then vampires are gonna suck them dry does that make sense that sound like a good strategy what did you think we were going to do get your minds out of the gutter i think that the raper will be very effective against all of these shirtless men oh the vampires not so much don't do a great job against the glaives well it's up to you grim you've been around these parts before yeah he tapped out pretty early come on man i shouldn't have to get you a little blue pill to beat the little blue idiot i'll give the reaper a second shot because he did just finish off seven dudes at once because that takes a whole lot of talent but this time i'm gonna call on the samurai we could deflect the glaive and close the distance and stay safe and that just seems like a far smarter strategy right these guys should all be instantly dead yeah your decorations but do we close the distance we're hitting them that's a whole lot better than what the vampire has managed to accomplish but i don't know if we're gonna be able to oh hey grim thank you it's like don't worry i got this mine mine oh oh oh careful careful that's a problem oh grim i can't believe it man judas shouldn't be up here right i'm pretty sure he went to hell so why are you just following in his footsteps how about we sub in a dragon for grim because it costs a little bit less we could even put a couple of samurai in front of it just to make sure that the dancers don't get overwhelmed but then we can torch all of these guys and i've got a whole lot more money left over to attack the sides it's not nearly as effective or fun or the jokes aren't gonna be nearly as funny but i think that might be strategically better could you maybe turn your stupid paper neck down ar are you kidding me right now you blew fire over them are we even gonna kill these guys on the end barely like doubled the number of samurai going in there and they did not do much of a job okay well that is yeah one big punch to the lips okay hear me out i know i said that i pissed away a lot of money on a kamikaze run that didn't have much of an effect earlier but should have a pretty big effect here wouldn't you think if if i just laid down a couple of them then that should kill all of these things we'd have one more just in case and then that leaves me even more money to get like a a poacher or two something like that come on the explosions don't get up don't get up don't get up yes okay we're good so now as long as you guys can kill the flanks then we're good to go i think this is actually working a poacher down but choppies yes oh how did the other side lose so hard they were the exact same thing go dip deflect deflect deflect oh oh come on come on come on you guys can do this cut them down i believe in you samurai come on yes why why is every battle i do today so freaking close i feel like i'm winning all of these just barely i think they may be smartening up a little bit this level called distant defense and if you weren't aware the divine arbiter can suck a fart out my ass i hate them they're so far away and they do so much damage like i think we might need somebody to run point there's someone who's real good at diving in head first and getting blown up for the greater good of course so the initial volley of hammers and book pain should land on the hobbits and then we'll follow up that moment of silence with something like taekwondo maybe it's been a while since i've used these units maybe we can kick some people off the edge of the map and cupid i definitely like cupid here i don't know how cupid is going to handle flying in this terrain though might be a little bit funky oh stairs inclines holes he knows a thing or two about holes but not these types this is a real motley crew come on there we go okay the books have blown up the hobbits good and now we get in there they're loving one another and getting kicked in the junk excellent now can we close the distance can we get up to the books ow ow okay yep that hurts that that hurts a whole lot the pain taekwondo never got close but cupid is left oh yeah nothing feels better than winning a war with a giant diaper baby hold up a second this is a level called searing formation and they're using the solar architect was it the secret unit you can't use secret units in a campaign that's not fair i am noticing though that they're all ranged so theoretically if i sent in a whole bunch of units that are good against range then maybe we'd be able to come out on top arrows can't penetrate these idiots i don't know if uh fire can oh that's a problem yeah that could be a problem i mean maybe it's not a problem maybe it's perfectly fine i don't think they're bursting into flames which is surprising for a bunch of guys dressed in dry hay really didn't think that one through but they put up a good fight a bunch of idiots of bowl cuts cosplaying his crops but it just couldn't get to the back lines i need something faster actually you know what screw going faster we're just gonna get more i'm gonna peasant rush them it's been a while since i've done a good peasant rush if i spread these guys out enough then i should be able to arrive in waves that way they don't all get torched at the same time jesus christ i can afford a lot of peasants here this is a little much actually i don't know if it's going to be able to run this i've got a 140 peasants all right boys get in there oh it's actually running incredibly smoothly do they update the game to handle more things at once because this is way better than any other time i had done a peasant rush oh my god they got all sucked in by that sun hole and died at once i gotta get somebody to pick off these friggin architects and i'm thinking if i put dead eyes on the flanks then maybe they can shoot into the crowds while i try to get cactuses through because again the cactus is fireproof and projectile proof and expensive oh man i'm going to spread them out a little bit more if that's the case all right come on guys don't shoot the shield am i gonna have to take control of you shoot the guy with a giant golden crown that should be self-explanatory the cactuses are doing their jobs uh incredibly well wait a second did the cactuses pull this off on their own are they gonna drag these corpses through the heavenly halls they didn't die to the fire wheel they didn't done anything i'm constantly surprised with how powerful something that looks like a giant green oven mitt can be i get the feeling this is gonna be our biggest challenge for today it's a level called enveloping tempo where they've got a whole bunch more units but the only one that matters is the chronomancer i don't know whether to be more worried about the fact that he can control time as a weapon or that he can look intimidating in a crop top it's like my grandpappy used to always say there's no problem in heaven or earth that can't be solved with the liberal application of high explosives hopefully we can blow up this guy's perfectly bleached short shorts before he transforms into some kind of terrifying time angel would really appreciate that okay yup we didn't blow him up guys and now we've got problems we had problems i guess that's how time works we need less explosives and more projectiles and i can't believe i'm gonna say this but i'm gonna trust the musketeer to actually hit something this may be a colossal mistake actually i would bet money that it is a colossal mistake but they could shoot something did you guys feel like reloading any time soon oh was that a bad pun i honestly did not intend for that to be the case he's not even gonna have to transform this time oh he will anyway i'm gonna watch the battle it's such a cool unit like it shouldn't be because it's a giant golden butterfly in short shorts but still honestly how do we kill this thing i like the idea of kamikazeing but i think he might freeze the barrel rollers can you freeze somebody when they're trying to blow themselves up i honestly don't know we could get our own god in there maybe thor can slap him around we could also try uh low darts i don't know i don't think i've even used the blow dart before why am i trying it now this is not a great time to experiment oh my god the barrel rollers did it they took out everything thor may have had a hand in that door please please get off the door hit him with the ball goods battle grannies not down we shocked them and i think that just set their pacemaker on bust come on thor oh yes yes i can't believe thor mooned him and the guy was like oh god that is one hairy norwegian butthole and he just backed out of heaven sweet tap dancing christ why do i celebrate i honestly don't know of course he's gonna be back and this time he brought his elephant pals for us to have to deal with i'd give my left nut to use the evil faction right now or even created units i would love to be able to send in santa claus or captain sauce or my own demon but instead i'm gonna try balloon archers again i know we've used this before but it's just such a stupid silly strategy that i love it we could even get ballooners as well no just line them up in a couple of rows all those sticky gross little gizmy hands and hopefully they won't be able to get through the arches come on guys do we have the technology to lift an elephant i honestly don't know these are the things that you got to find out i don't even really care about the elephant actually as long as the spear thrower is taken oh my god we actually can lift an elephant well then wasn't expecting that to work i was just gonna say as long as we can stop the spear thrower on his back then we should be good um could you guys maybe get like one or two balloons and there we go yeah he can fly but i i doubt he can aim while he's floating oh did he actually just fall to his death i think he's dead his wings are falling off balloon archers you did it of course this is the sight i would turn to this is what tabs is all about okay it's not about smart strategies it's about screwing around and beating people the dumbest way possible this has to be the last level it's called unshakable guardians and they're up to their typical shenanigans they've got some in front of me which are a problem and they've got some behind me which are a significantly bigger problem except for this time i don't have a straight line so i can't surround one of the two instead i have to fight on two fronts or maybe wipe out the guys on the right and then hope that the chronomancers don't transform but they probably will i don't know man there's just so many options like i've got a million and one units to choose from here i think it's about time we go big and i don't mean the hobbits that i've dolloped out they're gonna be the ones absorbing all of the right side fire and the left side time manipulation but i want to use something like artemis do you think she can one shot or rapidly fire one of the chronomasters she should be strong enough for something like that and then over here we could try bomb cannons i don't know if you guys can blow up the aegis but hopefully and then that's all my money really i i got very little elves to work with come on man uh i i could put a couple of squires here i'm sure they're not just gonna stick their thumbs up their butt and pass out come on please just just blow okay good yeah good blow up great great job on the right side the bomb cannons oh that's not good yeah we really don't want artemis frozen in time we need her fire ring she's fire not quite firing kind of firing i mean she did it but she died oh you were transforming this all happened really quickly i think you ruined everything didn't you oh i didn't even recognize they got you idiots look at this space between your eyes i shouldn't have to worry about you you look like a friggin fish change of plans our frontline infantry is no longer the hobbits we're going back to the barrel rollers because they are stupidly powerful we should be able to blow up just about everything with that many of them than anything left over i got 6 500 to fight i mean thor managed to take down one chronomancer i'd suppose he get lucky and take down another one we could put some poachers over here hopefully they can get to anybody who's left alive uh pikes might also be able to reach in one shot i don't know how you guys are gonna handle stairs probably not well oh hike's over here as well these pikes are almost like ballista where they do a lot of damage to one unit i just want them to do a lot of damage to one chronomancer what else have we got i i'm just like looking down through the list and picking out anything that looks like it could make some kind of sense maybe musketeers could shoot the chronomancer something like that sure why not let the mayhem unfold oh my god the barrel rollers took out everything on the right that's flawless and we've only got one chronomancer left look at all the units we've got stuck in the air oh there's two of them the other one didn't transform at all because you shot him in the head oh my god i can't believe the craziest strongest unit we've ever seen a tab something that can control time itself got taken out by the musketeer something that's been shooting its allies in the back of the head since i started playing this game actually i think it was the pikeman that took out the transformed one he just poked him with a real long stick all right you know what i think that's gonna be it for this episode of totally accurate battle simulator guys i really want to return to take control of these units and i also want to try this with evil faction there's an evil campaign as well with probably a dozen levels for me to fight them and then a dozen levels for me to take control of them so if you guys want to see more tabs soon as always be sure to leave a like in the video all the support is the reason that i'm playing it so frequently and maybe i'll return to finally have a chronomancer on my side but thanks so much watching this video i hope you enjoyed and i'll see you next [Music] time [Music] you

Channel: CaptainSauce

Views: 695,911

Rating: 4.9629202 out of 5

Keywords: totally accurate battle simulator, tabs, totally accurate battle simulator good faction, tabs good faction, tabs fantasy update, tabs fantasy good, totally accurate battle simulator new faction, tabs new faction, totally accurate battle simulator heaven, tabs heaven, tabs portal, tabs funny, tabs funny moments, totally accurate battle simulator new update, tabs new update, tabs good faction campaign, captainsauce, captain sauce

Id: g5aGOe72H9c

Length: 27min 58sec (1678 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 06 2021