The Pandemic Hotline

pandemic hotline how can i help you today uh yeah i've got a question about the pcr test used to diagnose cover 19 now on the actual packaging of the test it says this test should not be used to diagnose covet 19 so is there any problem using it to diagnose cova-19 no problem at all makes sense but it's a little confusing cool but just to clarify if the test comes back negative you have it if it comes back positive you have it why why you didn't have a test cut well that way you'll know for sure you have it when you maybe have it have a great day pandemic hotline yeah i'm having a little bit of an issue here it looks like the government isn't sending me a thirty thousand dollar check for one of my patients covet deaths peculiar what were your patients symptoms before they died oh died well no they haven't died they're still alive still alive that sounds like a cove of death to me let me see what's going on with this ah we had a system error sorry about that your money's on its way to you now fantastic thank you thank you for death shopping with us bye-bye how may i help you yeah i need a little help here i i don't want to do y'all are saying obesity is a high risk factor for the illness potentially the highest risk factor yeah and then all the gyms are ordered to close down yeah so how am i supposed to not be obese if i can't go to the gym um i'm not seeing the correlation here how do you not see it i don't think i'm seeing what you're seeing me not see here well jim's help people not be obese but i can't go to the gym how am i not supposed to be obese have you tried an eating disorder oh what well no i haven't oh yeah they can be very slender and they don't violate any of our health protocols i never did think of that thank you for your help you're welcome you might want to think about losing some weight you sound fat no offense no i am okay thank you for calling don't eat too much bye-bye yeah like um hi so i'm a little confused the guidelines all say that sunlight like kills the virus but the guidelines also say we have to stay inside like am i missing something yeah it's pretty anecdotal as to whether the sun actually exists or not it is completely the world health organization hasn't released an official position statement on the sun's existence so until then you'll just want to stay inside but like i can see the sun out of my window right now just don't say that on social media they'll censor you for not repeating what the world health organization says oh like that's a pretty good point have a good day there is no sun bye bye now pandemic hotline how can i help you hi um i'm a little worried feels like there's some missing pieces to the puzzle that we're not really being told about like what like you know bill gates controls the world health organization and i don't know if he's a qualified medical authority fit to lead the charge on a global pandemic why would you say that about bill gates the guy's a computer programmer not a doctor well that's why he's so qualified computer programmers have way more medical training than doctors have like who do you think programs all the computers that doctors learn from computer programmers that's right without them you have no doctors bill gates practically invented medicine and please don't use the lord's name in vain or god's name bye-bye pain democrat oh hi yeah uh so i've got a question for you it seems like all the public health policies that are in place were put into place back when we thought the death count was going to be in the millions but things aren't really turning out that way so isn't it time we like really open things back up that's an interesting thought we've never considered that but no people are dying left right and center i don't think they are then how do you explain all the bodies i don't see any bodies well people are dying but people died every day before kovid that's actually false information according to our fact checkers the first recorded death in human history didn't occur until covet but my grandparents died like 15 years ago no they didn't yes they did i went to their funeral no sounds like they faked their death to get away from you you should quit taking it so personally it wasn't your fault enjoy the rest of your day champ how can i help you i i'm wondering if you can help me i've been able to open my business since last march when you guys told me to close it down i'm severely suicidal my kids are going hungry and my wife developed a drinking problem trying to cope with it all sounds like you're doing exactly what we need you to do to stay safe keep it up but i need help oh right well if you do decide to kill yourself out of despair could you do us a solid and on the suicide note just indicate that it was a covet death yeah but i could really use submit all right sport have a great day i want to thank the sponsor of this video blue blocks my favorite evidence-based blue light blocking glasses what 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Channel: AwakenWithJP

Views: 449,920

Rating: 4.9307799 out of 5

Keywords: jp sears, awaken with jp, ultra spiritual life, how to be ultra spiritual, how to get offended, conscious comedy, comedy, pandemic, social distancing

Id: uese-6Xln7o

Length: 6min 17sec (377 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 17 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/cuulcars]

Have a good day, there is no sun, bye bye now.

[u/gSTrS8XRwqIV5AUh4hwI]

Jesus, how much ignorance can you cram into a five-minute video? I mean, I wouldn't even say the guy doesn't have some talent, but satire about a completely fictional reality ... doesn't really work?