What It’s Like Being a Millennial (Give Me the Respect I Didn’t Earn)

as a millennial I'm part of the most advanced crop of humans that our species has ever seen I love to go out and meet up with friends so we can all sit together looking down at our phones and message other friends who are there with us I like my friends online personas better than their in-person personas so I don't associate with them in person anymore and I can say with confidence I have literally never held eye contact with anyone how old am i I'm 55 according to my birth date I'm 33 but as a millennial I don't identify with that age in its discrimination to think that I'm as old is my age now I'm 65 which means I should qualify to get Social Security checks every month not when I order something off Amazon it pisses me off that it takes until the next day for a tear I've I mean what kind of BS is that that I have to wait almost 24 hours to get my new Cobra coffeemaker one time I started a petition against Amazon then I got tired of all the work and entail before I send it out to anyone but still when I was a kid I always won the gold medal on the school's track team I was only the 18th fastest kid but I always won the gold medal so did everyone else on the team and the opposing team because we were all the best what that taught me is that hard work and determination are severe forms of abuse I learned that I don't need to put effort into being great at something because I can just have people tell me that I'm great at that something instead I'm great at everything it also taught me that me and my family can file a lawsuit against anyone who doesn't give me a gold medal I have 87 voicemails that I haven't checked and I won't because I'm appalled when people call me without texting me first to see if they can call me it's so inconsiderate sorry for the interruption I just thought the world was probably wanting an update about how my diarrhea is doing someone spiked my lunch with gluten yesterday what I can't focus it's a condition which means it's not my fault because I'm a millennial I care enough to deliberately come across like I don't care at all that's how much I don't care but a little reassurance that that's a good thing would be nice in the professional world whenever I've had a manager I've tried to schedule meetings with them for every 45 minutes so that they can go over my work and reassure me that I'm doing a good job when they point out how my work can be improved I get upset I mean some have even had the nerve to say that I can't take criticism I'm not gonna listen to what those haters have to say haters gonna hate I just need to work for myself I need the freedom to be in control of my schedule and to do things my way in the fact that I think self responsibility is a form of cruelty and that I know exactly how to not know how to follow through and anything means there's a high probability that I'll be successful working for myself awkward I love using one-word retorts instead of stringing together an actual sentence comprised of coherent thoughts I also feel like they help show my huge depth of character my dating life is on point I have no problem getting the courage to ask a woman out on tinder and there's no question that the best way to create a deep heartfelt connection with someone is to connect to their online dating profile while I'm hiding behind the keyboard as a millennial I like to do a little micro dosing and talk about the future of VR I'm so engaged in this reality that I've basically conquered at all I mean I have seen almost every episode of every reality TV show so there's nothing left for me to experience in this reality so I need virtual reality to bring me my next conquest I've also progressed my linguistic abilities to the point that now I mostly don't say actual words I just say letters that stand for words lol lmfao WTF oMG oMFG oMFG oMFG D it's a form of spelling that doesn't require any knowledge and knowing how to read and it suggests that I put so little effort into saying what I'm saying but I don't even say the words that I'm saying I just say the letters that say the words that I'm not saying it's like an intelligent form of illiteracy I'd like to thank my helicopter parents for always keeping me in a safe nest free of any challenges because just like baby birds you'll never find your wings if you're pushed out of the nest never leaving the nest of comfort that's what gives you the strongest wings as a millennial I just want to make an impact on this world [Music] what were we talking about again [Music]

Channel: undefined

Views: 3,038,165

Rating: 4.8901768 out of 5

Keywords: Being a Millennial - Ultra Spiritual Life episode 63, millennials, millennial, annoying things about millennials, millennial traits, annoying traits that millennials have, millennial parody, millennial funny, millennial funny video, jp sears, ultra spiritual, ultra spiritual life, awakenwithjp, awaken with jp, comedy, millenial comedy, conscious comedy, new age comedy

Id: 00FDR1E0zvE

Length: 5min 16sec (316 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 04 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/yourelate]

this guys voice is the worst. i can't identify with this.

[u/HillcrestBusinessHBA]

This isn't funny at all. When you try too hard to mock douchebags you just end up becoming a douchebag yourself.

[u/[deleted]]

Ehhh trying way too hard

[u/[deleted]]

this video blows, dude's not funny at all

[u/JohnnySlaughter]

This dudes comedy is basic as fuck and I don't understand why he's so popular. All he does is on-the-nose satire with observations that are beyond played out. There's nothing clever about this shit.

[u/THE_CHOPPA]

Boring AF

[u/ryanr_intl]

That’s hilarious, thank you for that laugh

[u/Bitcoinfriend]

this is the best