The Office | Every Cold Open (Season 8 Part 2)

[Applause] ah [Music] oh oh yeah oh i knew it i knew it kevin as soon as i heard that rapper you really have to say oh yeah every time you eat a candy bar i can't help it oscar it's just really good oh yeah my hands are tight all right not bad at all i think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's try again get it all out now if you have to it was a raccoon eating a hamburger like a person you need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it's gonna drive me insane okay does anyone have a first aid kit check out this song i wrote i'm gonna love you downstairs tonight good luck one oh okay oh what is this a a meatball really [Laughter] it's always more fun to mess with dwight with an audience that was usually pam so now that she's out i had to find someone else turns out that stanley is quite the comedy fan but not everything makes him laugh he has very specific tastes through a painstaking process of trial and error i found out what he likes and it's really weird jim come on so juvenile what the you've been meatballed are you ready for some meatball oh man this is not very clever jim i know look for your stapler [Laughter] really jim really very funny okay what's a hole 32 meatballs good day that idiot's been feeding us for a week we'll never have to buy meatballs again val i need the space all right guys clear out everybody out promise me you're going to clean up i can't promise what i'm going to do or not do you promise me that obviously i'm going to clean up stress is like the uptight mayor of a town who's saying hey we're uptight you can't dance and then you have to be like oh yeah mayor stress we'll watch this and then we dance oh how we dance [Music] i've been working so hard [Music] always tell me [Music] sex also works who's back reporting for duty hey guys hey ah look what i can do now that she's no longer pregnant bam bam bam bam are you glad to be back yeah yeah i mean i could have used another week or three you still had eight weeks more than we did well it's not exactly a vacation hello everyone remember little old me hi what are you doing here you just had our baby our our collective dunder mifflin family baby four days ago i wanted to come back to work not everybody needs some long luxurious parisian maternity leave damn girl your body angela you look amazing really i feel like this big rhinoceros anyway i wanted to thank you guys for covering for me so i made some treats i've got brownies and magic cookie bars oh angela those brownies have walnuts in them and i think kevin's allergic to walnuts you're allergic to walnuts right kevin extremely but i'm gonna fight through it oh it's okay angela i have mommy brain too i don't know what that is pam i made a batch with no nuts special for you kevin right here when did you find time to do all this baby sleep a lot pam if you feed them enough rowdy pam thank you oh my gosh it's really good i wouldn't know i'm watching my weight so you guys you know what's an even more useful treat is cash so nope we wanted to say thank you okay today is the first day of sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores i am meeting my new boss nelly bertram head of special projects work starts at 9. sabre hq is 30 minutes away driving the speed limit giving everyone 20 minutes to shower plus 50 for jim to style his hair 20 for breakfast 40 for erin to get lost between her room and the lobby 90 for ryan to do his morning ecstasy we're already 20 minutes late wake up hey hey hey hey wake up oh why are you sleeping that way oh i was reading the mattress tag and i fell asleep stanley wake up you've got to wake up the hotel's on fire stanley wake up it's pretzel day good morning hey wake up let's have some fun we're in florida now hey you i'm so glad this is happening i actually came to your door twice last night come on in the water's fine oh not cool i am on the two kids sleep schedule so i'm up and at them at 4 15 but no kids so i honestly didn't know what to do with myself and then i thought of something uh years dwight what the oh man what do you think happened ah looks like jim got mixed up with some bad apples oh no no no no it wasn't me we gotta find the wanda at that alcohol club hey angela you want to see a picture of philip wearing those little booties you got us so cute hey you guys want to see a picture of gerald wearing galoshes he refused to go out in the rain until i bought these now going out in the rain is all he wants to do oscar thinks having a dog is just like having a baby news flash if you didn't carry it around in your belly for nine months it isn't your kid exactly unless you adopted of course that is where we disagree hey are your little dudes crawling yet no three-month-old humans don't do that my philip is crawling angela is such a liar that's maddening exactly that's just like crate training all night long all night long well count yourself lucky wait until you have two that's two sleep schedules two naps that don't coincide i mean you'll never sleep again no one said you must have two like her genes are so important the world just needs more pam gym dna thank you no no thank you [Laughter] check this out my brother just got a new sailboat he has no idea what he just got himself into there's nothing harder than taking care of a boat am i right unbelievable unbelievable today is the test launch day for the inaugural saber and i dwight schrute am in charge of the entire operation and if i can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media and nelly sees this the vice presidency is mine are you holding this chair cause i feel like i'm gonna fall off yes i'm not wearing the right shoes okay we went over this okay your tiny fingers make the best knots hey strangers so stoked for the saber store opening hey my name is tabitha i'm camped out in front of the saber store so i can be first in line for the new pyramid it's me aaron dwight help me pretend to be hipster to create hype and it's working there's already people camped out behind me okay bye everyone stop what you're doing i have terrible news dwight is no longer with us what he's gone damn it he's been promoted to vp of sabre retail and he's staying in florida forever so he's alive yeah that was him on the phone he sounds wonderful well the way you said it made it sound like he was dead how could i have been more clear he had a massive stroke of good fortune and he is now in a better place if dwight's not coming back does that mean we can open his treasure you guys we've gone over this there is no treasure when the team left for tallahassee do i told everyone not to touch his treasure don't touch my treasure okay you understand obviously he wants us to obsess about it there's nothing in there which is obviously what he would want us to think making it the perfect place to hide a treasure oh god i'm walla shawn and the princess bride i think that dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure i am dying to know what's in there yeah i know oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it you'd have to be insane hi hello now carefully open the box it's a photo of all of us oh that's so sweet a dart are you kidding me who would put a poison dart well i mean i don't know that is poison i mean i just have to imagine god i'm glad he's okay though kind of sounds like he deserved it opening another man's treasure and all wow this is pam my god are you sure uh okay okay um we'll be right there everybody the balloon is falling nice there's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for like ever and okay it's not it doesn't sound cool you just have to see it well i guess it doesn't look that cool either but it's been up there a long time so it's become a pretty big deal wow it's the end of an era you did a good job buddy now it's time to come home i remember when that balloon went up there i was still with gil you were so happy when that went up there i had hair like rapunzel how long do you think it's been up there kevin i just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say look a balloon my warcraft clan was still on speaking terms my kid didn't have a face tattoo i was still thinking of going back to school and i was still just a paper salesman well this has been fun pam thanks for calling us all down here [Applause] hey jim stanley's back from the hospital today can you sign us okay glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a mustache to me oh that's not good oh because your jokes are all hilarious it's nice it's funny it mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his mustache stanley doesn't have a mustache yeah he does pam hit the brakes stanley does not have a mustache i misspoke i'm not sure i think he has one now that i think it has a mustache okay phyllis sits across from him every day phyllis does he have a mustache or not oh i don't know um now i think he doesn't phyllis what are you talking the whole car depends on this okay the man has worked here for 25 years how can none of us picture his face because we come here to do our jobs we don't stick our noses in other people's business okay which one of these looks more right neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity that said the one on the left guys that's the elevator what if it's him okay quick who says mustache yep who says no mustache welcome back stanley [Music] wow it is raining cats and dogs out there holy moly phyllis says the same 12 cliches every time it rains so i promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today i will send out for hot chocolates so how's the drive in nobody knows how to drive in the rain you don't say yeah you know the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour i think it's the oil comes to the surface i agree the plants are gonna love this yeah i actually sleep better when it's raining tell me about it time's almost up how many are left just one this weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book phyllis this rain does it make you want to be doing something what do you mean you know like aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain hey come on lots of things are cozy in the rain and that's noon exactly sorry about that everybody hey phyllis would you like a hot chocolate oh i love one i'm going out to get two hot chocolates i mean normally the rain would make me want to stay at home curled up with a good book but everybody's being so nice to me today i'm really happy being here no no no no no no no no no no no no no no oh okay fine ryan yeah something the matter smokey's dead smokey the bear smokey robinson pam he died like an hour ago i guess i'm the first to know wow that's terrible i really liked him oh you liked him that's nice did you like when he changed the course of american music like two or three times did you like the tracks of my tears is maybe the last true love song ever written i'm glad you like him jim i am completely devastated right now well i second that emotion huh i know a few of his songs but what were his big ones oh god nellie what wasn't his i mean um tracks of my tears yeah um god so many nellie no no no tracks of my tears and what else what are some more what's one more okay i'm not i'm not playing this game pam not today i don't think you love smokey robinson i think you're just doing all of this to prove how deep you are about music okay i'm sorry that i'm not a fan of jason mraz or the beatles you don't like the beatles that's that's not the point eleanor rigby paperback writer okay you know you always think you have time to see these legends before they go what was i so busy doing it says here the smokey robinson dead thing is a hoax it's on cnn as of two minutes ago okay well that's a relief wow look at that says he's actually playing state college it's only three hours away oh my god ryan that's perfect you have to go tickets are 250 bucks 250 is nothing to the world's biggest smokey robinson fan yeah who's opening paul anka paul anka how can they make the smoke man play with someone like that i don't think i can see this okay you could just show up late though how much is parking like 30 bucks that's not what smokey would have wanted does want tears of a clown don't call me a clown pam you're better than that oh man my doubts are blasted i wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180 pound man with no fat protein powder huh cut it with water why don't you just take estrogen there you go boys see how papa takes care of you um i remember when people thought biceps were all that they'd flex them all night at the disco attack oh i bet you think it's all about core huh yeah course critical there are four tenants of pilates that i live my life by one lengthen two elongate listen guys i think we all want to know the same thing right who's the strongest well there's only one way to solve that thigh curl contest all right here we go everybody may the manliest man win go feast on this louis i love the bird furnace where i live come on gabe you can't handle his hamstrings you're getting hypno thighs speed step one here this for your elbows for your elbow thank you you're welcome quick phone call from you guys keep going eight nine hello ken we got it very funny jim yeah jim way to mock us for perfecting our bodies everyone conference room now all right there grandpa okay i don't need your help okay you know here you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 5,832,694

Keywords: peacock, peacock tv, peacock streaming service

Id: 6yAn7_OY47o

Length: 21min 22sec (1282 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 29 2021