The New Odd Couple (1982) | Ron Glass Demond Wilson | 2 Episodes

[Music] Oster did you bring the tickets galoshes in here let's go we've just had our carpets clean did you please take those off outside did you bring them you just told me to leave them outside but not the galoshes my theater tickets oh gee Felix I'm sorry I forgot you forgot Oscar you offered you said it was on your way home I know that Felix but I took another way home dinner I'll tell you what's for dinner burnt promises Felix it's raining outside I'm tired besides it's no big deal you've seen Annie a half a dozen times already I love the dog Felix you don't need the tickets until Saturday I'll pick them up tomorrow oh it's too late they won't be there they're only holding them until 7 o'clock really sorry Ted I'm sorry well nevermind it's uh it's only quarter to 7 I'll grab a cab I can still make it hey Felix listen as long as you're going out in the rain anyway uh would you mind mailing this money unbelievable Navaro on fire you'd probably ask me for a light okay I'll take it the Internal Revenue Service you're paying your taxes now sure I'm a patriotic American you're also a few months late never bothered him before you mean you do this every year no this year I'm early Oh Oscar they'll catch up to you one day the milk of the gods blind slowly I have a registered letter you want to step back it may be the ad agency they probably loved my portfolio so it's from the Internal Revenue Service Oscar it's for you Mills of the gods Oscar the mills of the guys they got you oh thank goodness what this isn't as bad as I thought how come it's for you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh this is terrific yes terrific they want to see me Felix Ungar at their offices tomorrow my taxes are being investigated bills of the gods [Music] Mel's Aviva it says to clear up a discrepancy in my tax returns oh this is big trouble I'm starving I'm gonna make myself a sandwich how can you eat when my taxes are being investigated I'm hungry and you got nothing to worry about nothing to work Oscar that shows you what you know people go to prison when they have their taxes investigated I mean how can a nice respectable guy like me get caught up in their lists of Ellisville it's relaxed and sit down relax now look at the bright side you might love it in jail you can show everyone how to keep their balls rusted last day as a free man and you're making jokes didn't you see scared-straight bill it's okay okay let's assume let's assume you are in trouble you'll just have to pay a few bucks is all it's like the guide and reviews books on my paper he got in trouble with the government - all he had to do was just pay him what he owned that's all yes plus some interest penalty it was a fine all good I think it was like $12,000 [Music] [Applause] [Music] hillocks heel it's at 3 o'clock in the morning what the hell are you doing I'm trying to save my life I can't find the mistake Felix I already told you you're clean you fill out the best income tax returns in the United States obviously the IRS doesn't give a [ __ ] about penmanship I'll probably have to file for bankruptcy I'd rather go to prison good I'll give you cab fare the same [ __ ] lady then I can get some sleep sleep I'm the one who should be getting some sleep and you're the one who should have his taxes investigated Oscar you do not keep any records you keep no receipts you send your returns in late Oscar who's the only man I know who takes tax advice from his bartender well he hasn't done bad by me my income taxes are being investigated man sends his tax return in on a wet cocktail napkin they investigate me and it was wrong son won't come out tomorrow [Music] a priest I didn't know they audited priests I'm with him moral support you mean sort of like H&R frock sorry install mr. Unger here a present will you come with me please I'd appreciate any help I'll see what I can do but a little kissing up wouldn't hurt [Laughter] [Music] thank you miss Gibbs follow my what a lovely dress you remind me of someone oh yes my sixth-grade English teacher my favorite teacher mr. Abernathy yes if it weren't for her encouragement and nurturing I would not be the responsible and most incredibly honest citizen you see sitting here oh you know I really like your office I love the decor it's no tax dollars wasted here you see the bathroom small discrepancy discrepancy how we were getting along so well how about the discrepancy if that just rolls right off your tongue I turn in the nicest return of anybody I know that I mean a different colored ink for each item the bold-faced lettering yes that was very good but every year I break my head on my return and this is the thanks I get that's down yeah you investigate me when there are people like my roommate who doesn't care about what he puts down on his tax return he sends them in late some years he doesn't send them in at all but did you investigate after Madison oh no me Felix do it by the book [Music] only thing you did wrong was not spying your chat yeah the only thing I did wrong was not sign my check what well Oscar was right just a very innocent mistake oh do you know what you people have put me through I mean just because of an unsigned check I mean you could have just mailed it to me but I never would have met you I wanted to shake your hand for sending in the most beautiful tax return year after year after year what an honor thank you with down there oh well I I hardly know what to say thank you Oh many happy returns there's just one more thing yeah about your roommate the one who takes his tax returns so lightly I think he said his name was dumb Oscar Madison didn't hear me I think we might want to have a little chat with him wait a minute uh I really didn't mean to say that thank you did I don't suppose you could uh forget that huh I suppose not please tomorrow 8:00 a.m. my office bye my son goodbye father I pray for you you blew it [Music] Lord Felix really outdid yourself tonight well nothing makes me happier than to see my best friend happy Oscar oh you cooked all my favorites all my favors chili cornbread collard greens popcorn and ding dong well you only live once so all I wanted for you to do with Sonia chest you see that Felix I told you you were worried over nothing yeah that's me you know Oscar I really ought to try to be more like you I mean you are so cool I mean that little small insignificant thing shake you up you really roll with those punches Felix you're talking trash what are you leading up to bananas bananas flambé Oh bananas I don't believe after you are really something I mean who but you would be uninhibited enough to light his cigar on a desert someone spent 4 hours preparing who would you would have that much cool just a minute Murray how'd you know that was mine I asked him to come over for what no special reason just a nice social evening at home with one of our men in blue to join us for a little after-dinner conversation thanks Felix but for the futures you should know that I enjoy during dinner conversation too you bring your gun [Music] Oscar I've I got some really funny to tell you I mean it makes me laugh every time I think about it Wei told me I was hysterical [Music] [Laughter] must be a hell of a joke [Music] is so ridiculous but when I was down at the Bureau of Internal Revenue today I inadvertently told them how you know how lakhs you are about your tax returns say what but don't worry you can count on me to help you prepare prepare for what Felix your tax investigation [Music] Oscar I have been a professional accountant about 21 years old I've never seen anything like this look the receipts all around someplace well we'll find them right Jimmy Hoffa is around someplace they never found him Oh chief I've been looking for these you know after all the years we've known each other you never asked me to do your taxes and it hurt my feelings I hurt no more perhaps you don't see the humor at this particular point but trust me Oscar a few years from now we're both gonna laugh at this Unga Unga what you did to me I wouldn't do to the lowest most conniving despicable human being I know which up until this moment was my ex-wife's attorney Oscar please Oscar please nothing see these pants [Music] after please maybe we can talk when you understand that to err is human and to forgive divine kiss halt we'll talk when he grows up [Music] talk when he grows [Music] item can be tracked I earn income from item 13 on Form B from accrued interest on for nine with the latter is greater after item eight in in 1028 bo9 I just saw some water - the tricky one who asked you and observation why don't you observation out it you see 15 and 14 is 39 bring down a sidekick what 15 and 14 or 29 I'm warning you Felix stay out of this I give up I'm just gonna go to jail and write a book like everybody else so why don't you just let me help you with that no yes Oscar we're gonna plow through this in no time come on Felix say something encouraging you are in big trouble I mean that's about as encouraging as I can get this is incredible what is Sammy Chong doing in here isn't he your bookie yeah so Oscar you cannot name your bookie as a dependent yes I read the tax book if you're responsible for more than half of a person's financial support he's a dependent no no sorry you are look you list here a dollar and fifty cents for dry-cleaning you didn't even put down the date that's for the whole year I might have known where did you list your outside income I'm nervous oh come on Oscar what about that book you helped ghostwrite oh that baseball book sex on the mound oh god I didn't really you're supposed to be helping me you're killing me Oscar you have to declare everything what are you gonna tell them if they find out you want to tell them I got a roommate with a big mouth I knew it eventually you get around to blaming me no no no eventually I've always blamed you I've never stopped blaming you you faked on me to the United States government I didn't do it on purpose [Music] I'm looking for miss Gibbs a brisket but all right I'm asking Madison how you doing sister mr. Madison call me Oscar sister to brother you know no tell me but we got to look out for each other I can see now I've got nothing to worry about let's get something straight mr. Madison hey I don't remember my mother having any other children so B I couldn't possibly be your sister and see you've got a whole lot to worry about I'm dead we might have had you in here sooner but we didn't know who you were we couldn't decipher your handwriting is that why I haven't received any refund checks okay okay I'm easy I'll do them over no no you get one chance to do them yourself then we do them for you now this is what you owe the United States government will you take a credit card now I owe you know how about a bad check I don't have money we don't like to hear that I didn't like saying it I'm I'm sorry to barge in on you but I've got some evidence here that can bust this case wide open no matter what he says I had nothing to do with sex on the mouth [Music] I've been going over his records with a fine-tooth comb may I see this spirits please do not get this lady man just as I suspected according to my figures you Oh Oscar we owe him that's right subtracting what Oscar owes you from this figure comes to exactly ninety seven dollars and fourteen cents are you talking about well do you know that this man was once married I know that I didn't know that and do you know that he now makes alimony payments every month I know that I didn't know that and do you know that alimony payments are deductible I know that I didn't know that here they are canceled checks for all of Oscars alimony papers come to think of it I notice you used to file a joint return what do you think happened to my wife the way you keep your records that you just foster somebody did it congratulations ah thank you and you too mr. Madison see you next year you bet you will [Music] Felix you did it well no no no Felix you come on man you really came through for me in there what did you find those alimony checks in a shoe box labeled gambling losses remember last night Felix when I was screaming and yelling at you wanna apologize well I want to apologize too I mean you know for getting you involved in this mess in the first place really mean that yes of course I mean though inadvertent it was all my fault Felix anytime you want you can cross my pants [Music] you see Oscar subconsciously I must have realized this was going to happen when I told miss Gibbs about you I just instinctively to the right things without having to think about it now a smaller man might ask for half that refund as a finder's fee but not me [Music] this week's wonders of TV land is all about The Odd Couple in our next it's in the pod episode of love American style and so stay tuned to make it night Steve [Music] you [Music] like that just a little bigger good look Brenda I think I should do it we've got some really great publicity shots here did you make work such fun well it's easy with you Brenda you're such a pro so are you [Applause] well we're finished here and that's I could uh maybe interest you in a drink Oh Felix I have got to get back to the studio but I'd like to take a rain check on that yeah the prediction is for a little sprinkle this weekend be like why don't we have dinner at my place daddy tonight mmm who knows we might have a hurricane well I guess I better be going I guess you'd better come on in it's okay excuse me I I didn't know you were still working no problem because this is Brenda Gibson she's the anchorwoman for Channel 6 News how you doing Brenda yeah you know I watch your program all the time this is uh this is my roommate Oscar Madison Oscar well I guess I better be going nice meeting you us yeah see your brother Jeff Olympic feel extreme in fat it in that [Music] [Laughter] huh yeah yeah yeah yeah look dog hey what do you got in the back champion field get yourself with people cup champagne yeah hey look man when you celebrating oh the the newspaper gave me my new contract I was worried feelings my old world is up on Monday oh come on man what are you worried about you're the best they've got they ought to be happy to have you you get everything you asked for well I don't know you could check it out all right uh-huh hey but look there's no raise indicated raise Felix I'm just happy to have my job I mean for somebody else that's okay but for my friend Oscar Madison this offer is not good enough Oscar - Rita maskers not good enough [Music] [Applause] [Music] you crazy you tore my contracts for the herald Oscar you should be getting a big raise I told him that Felix I asked for a raise they said no I can't believe you're gonna let that paper push you around I don't care if they pushed me around Felix as long as they don't push me out Oscar you know your problem is you don't have enough self-respect I mean asking for raise is not out of the question believe me they need you a lot more than you need them I feel that suppose they don't give you the raise and you leave if they put another sports columnist in your place Oscar the public is not gonna like him so they'll start buying the rival newspaper and then the herald will start losing profits then when they want you back just imagine how much more money they'll have to pay I never thought of it like that that's okay Oscar I'm only too happy to do your thinking for you Gillis I especially like that part where you said I don't have enough self-respect why who do they think they're fooling with this is Oscar Madison yeah the big ol hey they probably bluffing anyway I don't have to take that crummy money they offered me I'm going down there right now and tell them about it that's the way to be counted believe it Oscar they fired you how many times do I have to say it didn't you mention to the editor how much more he'll have to pay when he's forced to hire you back I tried but I didn't get the chance why not because at the time he was slamming my hand in the door so they really fired you Oscar I'm very sorry I'm sorry too Felix because now I'm going to kill you come on Oscar now look calm down and think I am thinking I'm thinking of what to use Oscar I should have never listened to you in the first place Felix not only do I not have a raise I don't have a job could be the best thing that's ever happened to you no fear it's the best thing that could happen to me would be if something were to happen to you please men look take take a seat please hear me out Oh how long have you worked at the herald 14 years 14 years day in and day out at the same newspaper sitting at the same typewriter looking at the same people face it Oscar you've been in or what and now I'm in a hole I [Music] know it's hard Oscar but it's all for the best and you're not going to regret this this is a big city Oscar with thousands of opportunities for a guy like you Felix you're right I have been in a rut see do you remember last Tuesday when I stayed in my room until noon do you know why I thought you were clearing a path to your door no Phyllis I was depressed so your old friend Felix did you a big favor after all I asked him Felix this could be the best thing that's happened to me since Blanche bought those 20s Bravo Aska Bravo for you so look what um what do you plan to do hey fearless I got mayor's of friends in a business I'll just make a few phone calls let people know I'm available and bingo the big old rods again [Music] sure how I understand things are tight yeah you do that you keep me in mind yeah my love to Mildred and the kids the kids are gone where'd it go Oh Mildred yeah sorry about that Harry so long hey how's it going any luck well so far I got five maybe three nothing definite and one don't buy anything on credit to worry Oscar just remember who you are oh yeah I remember I'm Oscar Madison the big old which stands for out of work out of my mind out of my way come on Oscar man you just gotta hang in something Goods bound to happen oh hey you see something's happening already hello yes yes he is just a moment Oscar it's the editor of the Butte bugle right at the paper in Montana they said they'd call it they if they had any job openings give me the phone no I'd better handle this mr. AB Madison just stepped out I'll take the message thank you feel this I'm gonna have to call him back now would you give me the phone forget the phone I'm gonna struggle you were just talking austra obviously being unemployed is affecting your judgment was that number all right doctor go to Montana it's your business if you want to spend your time with Grizzly Adams hello bugle i'ma speak to mr. Jonah yes sure I'll wait you leave New York Oscar look see what you'll be giving up the Yankees the Jets the Knicks your bookie and then me I want you to stay I mean things just won't be the same around here without you fearless are you trying to tell me that you miss me yeah gee Fila that's really touching I mean it huh so you'll stay not a chance that's Oscar Madison yeah listen if that job is still available I can be in oh I see yes sure thanks anyway what happened there was a job until you told him that I wasn't here then they got another guy look that's twice support for me Felix and it's two times too many yellow yeah this is Oscar Madison Sports Illustrated Felix its Sports Illustrated I talked to them yesterday and they said they had an opening for an assistant editor yeah yeah I renew my subscription [Music] [Music] hey fellas Oscars bad yeah baby how'd it go you're looking at the New Haven Gazette's newest sports writer a fearless you know look after listen I already told the fellas I don't want to need a special thanks gosh you ain't getting in here listen was a mistake they don't want a sports writer they wanted his shorts writing a short writer yes that's the clown who writes those little fillers at the bottom of a column like how long does it take them off to digest a leisure suit that sounds very challenging I mean squeezing those tantalizing little tidbits into a tiny room space I'd like to squeeze you into a tiny little space Oscar look so you didn't get the job in New Haven I mean it's not the end of the world basic I don't know if it's the right time to bring this up I was looking over Oscars books and well as soon as you send Blanche her next alimony payment he's got $11 $11 eight he owes me three bucks for the beer come on fellas time to go go home the game is over come on listen Oscar don't worry about the three bucks you can owe me later [Music] Oh terrific feel it I think you should stay and watch this this is your employed friend Brenda Gibson now to give us a report on the day in sports here's Doug Richards okay Brenda thank you very much there's big news in football it appears as though Chicago's got itself a new quarterback his name is buds or Joaquin he's worth every cent in a million bucks he is being paid how's the wiki million bucks give me a break he got two million plus bonuses that guy should know that well Oscar he only reads the material he doesn't write it so how come they don't get somebody who knows what he's talking about uh theories yes you date Brenda Gibson why don't you call her on the phone and ask if they could use a real sports writer understand hold it Oscar you wouldn't ask that of me if you had any idea what I'd be letting myself in for by asking Brenda for a favor I'd only have to repay it over and over what are you talking about look you remember that real rainy night a couple of weeks ago yeah well I never told you this before but I had dinner at Brenda's apartment huh I had an after-dinner drink at Brenda's apart breakfast and Brenda's apartment way to go feel all I can tell you is the next day at the studio I had trouble focusing my lenses slide door I'm sorry man I just can't do it you can't do it you can't do it Felix there was plenty you could do like telling me to hold out for more money until my paper put me on waivers yes but I like sending me to a place where the only job available was writing short things about anteaters but you can't pick up the phone to make one logical [Music] way to go [Music] felix is that you Neelix are you all right of course never felt better maybe you should sit down we're waiting for you look at the mess I made in my room yes I scarcely recognized it Neelix you've been gone a long time I know you mean you've been with Brenda all of this time that's right what happened you name it no I meant it I get the job as a writer well there sportscaster dove Fairchild is leaving to do his own Network show well what does that got to do with me well Brenda said she'd be willing to give you a shot at an on the air audition to replace him me you mean me be on television yes Felix I'm a sports writer not a television performer forget it forget it after I just went through a hard day's night there is no way that I'm gonna go on television and make a fool out of myself in front of names of people ask her mm-hmm look you you don't realize what an opportunity this is Oscar you could be a star and more importantly Oscar I could finally get off the hook Oscar please if I wanted to I couldn't I don't have any experience what difference does it make when you have character charisma personality you're faking [Music] come on Oscar it's time to rehearse I feel I know I've gotta do the audition oh I've gotta wear this don't jerk it let's go that's the official channel 6 blazer you gotta realize Oscar you see news on television isn't just news anymore it's theater it's probably what pure Russian Oh Oscar you got a stain on the jacket already oh no Felix to stain it on a jacket it's on the shirt it came true ok Oscar let's rehearse here I I borrowed some old copy from Brenda why don't you just sit at the news desk who's there yeah right there this lamp here is Brenda Gibson nice pose Oscar will you take this seriously seriously I'm sitting in my kitchen table talking to a lamp with a hat on it serious what do you want from me I'm trying to help you now I'll introduce you like Brenda will tonight time ladies and gentlemen I would like you to meet our guest sportscaster the well-known writer mr. Oscar Madison Oscar they are jazz 14 Marsalis remolded whole trip told what's the matter you don't start right out just reading the damn scores no you say hello to your anchorperson Oscar this is the friendly talk news it makes some little cute personal remark oh not you are you doing Brenda here you fool around okay [Music] coming up out to this commercial today scores was our guest sportscaster mr. Oscar Madison okay fellas let's go let's go let's give it a shot mr. Madison you're on in 20 seconds come on please just try and relax I'm trying I'm trying how do I look feels my mother's gonna be watching better than ever believe me she'll never recognize you and now I'd like to introduce tonight's guest sportscaster the well-known columnist mr. Oscar Madison hey there sports fans how you doing tonight you got sports for you Chicago 14 Philadelphia 12 oh man then I lose money on that game but that doesn't affect the old personality the big old just keeps on smiling $24 Cowboys 14 how about that have you ever been to Dallas oh oh the women in Dallas talk about it's ready I once met this Cheerilee they had the biggest pom-pom report how did I do feel maybe just a touch too much personality just stick to what's written in the script I knew it I'd throw it first you told me to show personality did you say I'm showing too much personality come on not so fast off but this is your big chance I don't want my big chance I'm no good at this I want my old job back thank you for that minicam report and now this joke is too big I'm not wearing a jacket got to try to stretch out a little bit I am trying to talk to you don't want to hear it but you are going to hear it look feel it I know I messed up I made a fool of myself and I embarrassed you in front of Brenda and I'm sorry and well you should be after all I did to set it up you went and blew it hey let's just leave me alone I want to wallow in my own misery hello Brenda huh yes really uh well he's wallowing at the moment but I will give him the message yes Brenda I realize I owe you big later Oscar you're not gonna believe this Brenda says the phone has been ringing off the hook what are you talking about the audience adored you you're a lovable eccentric in fact the station's gonna make you an awkward tomorrow I've got a job I got a job [Music] winter-like tell Vlad she can catch those last three alimony checks now that woman smells money [ __ ] always no time yeah I don't know I don't know I know but I don't know I have to think about it I said I don't know how does that Oscar I don't know that was Murphy my boss down into Harold the man is jealous Felix can you believe that he saw me on that show and he wants to give me my old job back your old job you're a TV star now I mean what's working at a newspaper compared to that up staying up all night yeah meeting last-minute deadlines eating cold hot dogs washing it down with warm beer yeah hanging around with smelly gymnasiums mmm soggy pretzels stale peanuts no what feelings you look I you know the best part is now Oscar they will have to give you a raise because they called you uh no Felix there's no raise what well Murphy said he'd give me my old salary take it or leave it oh the nerve of the man I guess I'll just have to call mr. Murphy and have a little talk I know Felix don't do that don't do that to me please I want more I want more job give me five minutes on the phone with mr. Murphy and I promise you you will have your race Felix would you please drop it now I want my job back I'm going down to the hell before they change their mind but Oscar think what a negotiation this will be an enormous feeling how would you like a new parking spot I don't even have a car how would you like a new car this week's wonders of TV land is all about The Odd Couple and up next it's an odd episode of love American style so stay tuned to Nick at Nite Stevie line [Music]

Channel: Reelblack One

Views: 186,210

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Id: g5QJwT16fTc

Length: 49min 9sec (2949 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 11 2020