The Gifts of Gaming - Scott The Woz

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you hahaha [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you Halloween it's my favorite time of year Wednesday No 8 P.M thanks for decorating with me you never hear of a therapist that's willing to help their patient as long as we're still on the clock I don't mind wait since you're already here guess who's your secret santa oh I hate riddles please guess I put money on your answer well if I guess right it wouldn't be a secret please it was me well I don't know any means I know of you well he was your Secret Santa God I don't need my toes anyway knew it would be perfect foreign that reaction here is because I'm going to create a sequel tonight I've been trying to figure out who got me for secret Santa for nine years which says a lot about my dedication considering invitations went out a week ago see when we were passing the hat around drawing everybody's names for secret santa I recorded everybody's facial expressions gems I twitched and his eye only Twitches when he sees the letter B which eliminates me and everybody else why do you want to know so badly I already got my present and I don't even know who got me well I'm planning this to be the best Christmas ever we'll make a new Jesus a better Jesus a Jesus for the common man that and I want everybody to get exactly what they wanted for Christmas which includes me again with this me guy you know he was my secret Santa I just want a good quality present something that tells me everybody around me truly cares but you got an intervention last year yeah but I've been thinking through a lot lately like just yesterday I was reminiscing about the lamest possible presence fertility [Music] hey y'all Scott here you know I've been on a pretty good streak this year of not having any major injuries but I still have a balance up to my hospital gift card so it's just a little shovel to the head nothing beats learning your relatives don't know a single thing about you by getting a gift card oh I got you again a gas car because I happen to notice that you seem to love to drive to work every day we all enter that phase when we become hard to shop for which in reality means nobody loves you enough to think critically for a second I've been told I'm hard to shop for how my hobby couldn't be more blatant I just don't know what to get him jeans as a 24 year old guy being told I'm hard to shop for just means I know you don't like sports so I bought you X body spray come on you can't play this on a coleco vision see but I did this to myself after years of actual presence as a child I entered my apathetic phase because I thought I was really [ __ ] cool I mustn't dare tell my family I like video games I don't want them to look at me like some kind of nerd so I generally kept to myself about my sheer interest in video games I was watching gameplay of new Super Mario Brothers Wii online and when my dad came in I immediately hid the window and looked up porn but what do you get the teenager who refuses to tell you about their actual interests gift cards by your own present you [ __ ] creep oh these are the thing to get if you're terrified of telling people what you really want for Christmas very interesting phenomenon the gift card is seemingly a psychological trick one where the Gift Giver feels like they actually bought the gift givi a gift when in reality he was fairly limited their options just give them cash instead you're telling them I don't want you to pay your bills I want you to go to Fazoli's hey I'm guilty of it too both wanting gift cards and giving them just regular cash is more useful but a gift card gets your mind going as to what you could buy with it being more limited forcia to think outside the box to treat yourself with the money rather than just pocket the cash and use it on a toll booth or something which as a teenage boy a popular gift card to get me was of the gaming variety gift cards and gaming are all over the place and most notably when it comes to Digital Store front a Wii Points Card your ticket to cruising through the Wii Shop Channel to buy some old school classics or get ripped off some we wear game but did you ever realize just how wasteful the packaging for this was originally like it's a card I do not only need it in a paper sleeve but surrounded by bulletproof plastic when the Rhinos go extinct we know who to blame I will never get over the trend of fake currency during this era uh Wii Points I will always understand just remove the decimal from the dollar amount you got yourself a weed points to USD conversion tool Microsoft points freak me out how does this work diesel Digital Store card designs have so much more charm than they do now uh which is the opposite of what went on with Nintendo look at the Xbox 360 points card you can buy like if you were a kid there's always something new to look at and read on the car ride home sounds like this upcoming generation is they didn't get shapes on their XBox card but Nintendo the inverse happened the old school Wii Shop Channel cards were unbelievably Bland watch out behind you there's a happy couple playing Wario's Woods later they released Nintendo DSi Shop Channel cards before combining them to be Nintendo points cards then Nintendo eShop cards for the 3DS Wii U and now we get cards with character spaces on them which this is far more appealing I mean it's a little messed up on Nintendo's ranking their character's worth Donkey Kong is 99 is that his fixed rate they have a gift card for every amount over a Nintendo how many of you bought the five dollar one I really had an itch for bouncy Bob and bouncy Bob four more times but you know what was the coolest thing about gift cards for a while what GameStop did with them they sold exclusive gift card holding tins based on game consoles which I always found adorable apparently nobody else did these were pennied ow this is Wheaton I mean if it didn't actually sell for a penny that's a problem with Society not the tin this is really cool it makes it so you have something to actually open like a like a present then you have a cool little collectible to put on your shelf afterwards the gift card is nestled in here okay that just looks kind of gross I think the Nintendo DS light and steals the show though you open it up and it shows screenshots from Phantom Hourglass and fake little buttons this is really in depth for such a Superfluous item and not all of them can be winners though the Wii U gamepad gift card tin I might as well just give your son this it's just a regular tin with a Wii U gamepad design printed onto it not nearly as cool as the others here but it's at least a neat enough design the other tins do take some liberties with some Dimensions while the GamePad is fairly true to form like look at those areolas can God bless Nintendo for having system designs that work as gift card tins because without them we're [ __ ] the Xbox One X gift card 10. you may be saying well Scott this is supposed to be a major version of The console's Box because everybody remembers the Xbox One Xbox iconic moments in gaming outside of the tins there are a few other cool things done with gift cards one I remember was the photos with Mario collection of Nintendo eShop cards for the 3DS these went double as not only eShop cards but AR cards you could use with a free downloadable 3DS application you can pose and play around with some Mario models it was a really cool inclusion that Nintendo never needed to do like think about it this was one of the lower points in the company's history with the Wii U's failure and right after having to cut the 3DS's price point so what does Nintendo do the exact opposite of making money these guys the exact same as any other eShop Card you'd be a fool not to get the photos with Mario Edition you idiot so it's like Nintendo put that much more effort into selling eShop cards and made no extra money off of it but hey I'm sure they sold a few more eShop cards this way I can't imagine a ton but it was a cool little thing to collect though AR cards on the 3DS aren't anything special they're printed on regular papers so you can just bring up the image on your phone and it has the same effect in the 3DS app they did versions of this for Animal Crossing and Pikmin as well though those didn't release in North America I guess they know we're just more into not deals over here on these days gift cards aren't as fun look at the ones on display right now we have the in-game currency gift cards if you know your son wants as Madden points you could ask for anything this Christmas so you did oh man a fortnight gift card that's a weird way to spell Roblox and that's a weird way to spell Roblox the game specific ones cards that give you the codes to specific games which often aren't on the cards themselves they get printed on your receipt upon purchase which what's the point of the card when you have to include the receipt just buy 60 worth of store credit everyone wonder how they do choose which games to offer his digital copy cards I think about it they [ __ ] up a tree for this then of course we have the normal everyday store cards which make the most sense to me I don't have much of a reason at all to buy gift cards for myself anymore as when you get to a certain age you just use your credit card on these Services unless you're really paranoid but man these were so much more fun now it's like oh great act Razer Renaissance came out let me waste my money on it with only a 20 gift card you had to really think it through it made every purchase on the Wii Shop Channel or Xbox Live arcade that much more exciting this was your choice many times I go for as many games as possible I could get four NES games for 2000 Wii points or two Nintendo 64 games or a few we wear titles and being limited made each purchase that much more special it was so much fun to pick these up at the store and excitingly rush to the console to input the code and browse for hours figuring out what to buy of course now that I can buy whatever I want damn it watch this you think somebody happy could do that but sometimes less is more it really makes you appreciate the little things as a kid while there were limitations it made you appreciate the smallest things gaming gift cards were a joy to get back then and I was like come on you didn't just know I wanted Sackboy but even though they're not as exciting or useful to me now I will always treasure the thought of getting a Microsoft points card and the dread that came with converting it I think I finally figured out the formula so 1600 Microsoft points equals solve for V bucks what the [ __ ] is that'll help me with your sessions moving forward thanks for recounting your trauma with me I was talking about gaming gift cards yeah they have feet right oh Lots then that must be them listen help me figure out who my secret Santa is I can't wait if you really couldn't wait your hands would be far bloodier hey Merry Christmas here's your works cited damn he's right I can't believe I was finally able to buy a white guy with dark hair secret santa present right down you guys something crazy happened on the way here I walked over water you mean the frozen pond I'm not saying I'm Jesus I'm saying I'm Jesus Christ anybody giving off major they got scouting gift Vibes that depends are those vibes stinky sure [Music] stink much you get work off for the holidays nope uh oh don't worry I forgive you so you really think you're The Reincarnation of Christ huh yes oh man I hear words what are they let's just say if your name's Satan you don't want to know wow what do you call those things gifts where are they for mine's for somebody frankly a person whose name stands out of a crowd some of the best battle and consonant uses I've ever seen and then there's it down nope not stinky enough you don't have the Vibes yeah I've been taking some supplements so you didn't get Scott no I got Target employee but whoever wrote his name misspelled it with a b no of course nobody has time to use G's anymore so what you're trying to figure out who got Scott for secret Santa is it really that obvious well maybe we can think of all the types of things Scott might have got Shake all the presents and figure out which one sounds like it's the most for him no what if somebody's gives us a rat oh I won't be caught dead shaking a rat so we agree this is a stupid idea which leaves us with Plan B well seriously though what kind of stuff would Scott want maybe we can ask the guys and see what they've been buying recently you know he has a whole tape about this stuff hey y'all Scott here what do I want for Christmas for some tree to get absolutely up that works what the [ __ ] do I do enhance where the holiday gift guides come in these giant fat books like oink oink Mr cow ever have a really hard time figuring out what to get somebody you should know inside and out by now like how do you not know your dead shoe size oh these books are here to help Bingo as a kid your natural instinct was to thumb through these catalogs with an ass red pen and make sure Mom knows damn well your priorities it's so much easier this way because how often do you know off the top of your head everything you need a septic tank I mean nearly everything's sellable right in front of your face definitely helps but that's considering what these guys were like back when they were new now there should have time capsules this is the oldest one I owned from the holiday season of 1983. the video game Christmas guide let's see they suggest the Magnavox Odyssey 2 okay the Odyssey 2 The Odyssey 2 and the Odyssey 2. I think this fits the term propaganda well who do you think you are calling a Magnavox Odyssey 2 at a video game gift guide none of those words apply this release just a year before the Odyssey 2 was discontinued so I'm sure they jeeped out on Staples by going with this folderesque design but in all honesty this is pretty cool it gives you the opportunity to turn any of these pages into posters pop this on your wall blast some metal and tell Mom to [ __ ] off the next oldest one I own is actually from Japan this one is a part of the long-running Japanese magazine weekly famitsu released in November of 1991 and covers famicom super famicom and Game Boy releases yeah English may be my first language but Japanese is tied for second along with all the other languages I don't know of course taking into consideration the fact I can't read any of this at the very least thumbing through and seeing all the pictures is somewhat appealing I mean it's kind of cool to think there was a time when hatris was just coming out Zing screenshots a famicom and Game Boy games that are so obviously just taken with a camera off screen is really Charming when I was a kid that's how I would have put together a video game magazine in Microsoft Office or something so it's really cool to see actual professionals use more amateurs techniques even if it's only because that's all they could really do at the time now I will reiterate what I can't read any of this so let's dumb it down a notch this right here is probably what many will think of when hearing holiday gift guide the Sears catalog this one being from 1992. what Sears you may ask I'll answer that by asking what's Kmart Sears was a department store the most popular for a while they sold pretty much everything but I don't know something about the logo made me think all they sold was car parts now this wishbook is anything to go by they did it all they're still around now with a softer logo that makes it feel more like a Macy's that's gotta be plagiarism but their prominence is greatly reduced compared to their Peak years not nearly as many stores barely anybody talks about them and it's pissing me off I'm going to Sears these wish books covered everything as in here's the cover show kissing children telling Santa what they want lingerie collegeopoly what kind of jerks can't get the Monopoly license for style points they include NES games and accessories in with this listing for crew necks and cargos because I'd like to see you play Metroid in anything but I like this because it shows how everything was back in 1992 not just video games pants were different back then or how novelty fish merch was just getting started a personal tanning bed for 2500 Ariana flashlight this counts hi grooming kits for kids it's not what you think they were doing Place shaving kits with Batman and Ninja Turtles licensing which makes things better this came from Batman oh a Barbie party big oven that's just an easy big oven you coward you know I always wanted an Easy Bake Oven as a kid I mean why would I I could make cake whenever I wanted but of course the boy version was called the queasy Bake Oven it only had gross sounding recipes because obviously no boy would ever want to make [ __ ] brownies oh hell yeah the little for kids it's this one looks pretty high tech All Things Considered we spend 50 bucks on this thing and all he's typing is horse the hell they had gamer chairs all the way back then I thought those were invented in the mid-2000s to keep the Xbox fans down I have back problems and play Halo that's just too much character sleeping bags out of all these I already picked the car that's half shown or the rollerbladers I wouldn't be inside that the photos here are quite impressive considering that pretty much every product has kind of an elaborate photo shoot setup like look at these toys all having thematically appropriate backgrounds in terrain for an era without Photoshop this is really cool erector yep he agrees I even have Collectibles autographs Sports and pop culture memorabilia I just flat out wouldn't expect that from a department store oh my God a gumball machine for only 20 bucks I would have lost my [ __ ] mind at that as a kid I love this kind of garbage like it would make my bedroom feel like a Fazoli's entire box sets of comic books pool air hockey and foosball tables board games miniature at home plastic pinball games which I own this Mario 64 one as a kid speaking of which we're finally at the video game portion of the wish book you know this thing goes all over the place I'm not sure how they're organizing it it's like here's a section for kids then here's underwear mom well firstly we got the Game Boy front and center here alongside LCD games by Konami only 20 bucks a pop but the actual Game Boy games themselves not bad only around 30. I always love this game boy carrying case that looks just like a Game Boy weirdly enough no screenshots of games for the handheld well on the next page for the Atari Links and second game gear and we get nothing but Bill and Ted time traveling righteous dudes on a wacky adverb the turbo Duo was three hundred dollars moving on right in the middle of the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo rivalry with images of Sonic and Mario front and center the Mario artwork looks ripped from the Japanese manga series Sonic well they use the Japanese design compared to the North American one this book is just flat out fun to look through I mean I think everybody gets a kick out of just looking at toys look he can be Nickelodeon but there's so much here that I feel like vintage Sears wishbook should be held to a higher standard these days historians should scoop these up and treasure them as nothing else will give you a better indication of what was going on this year than this but the wishbook covers everything oh what about something a bit more fine-tuned this right here is an Electronics Boutique catalog from holiday 1994. yikes 96 pages you're weak literally half of this entire catalog is PC software which hey at least old school PC games had some of the coolest boxes since they weren't restricted to a standardized format they could do trapezoids tombs stones are just out there graphic designs like front page sports or the bicycle pack of playing cards for this collection of PC card games these Street Fighter series include Street Fighter 1 and 2 plus bonus Mega Man one and three well then this package is just as much Mega Man as it is tree fighter what the hell Jesus 30 for screensavers like that one's at the same price as Dr Roots Encyclopedia of sex and why is Seinfeld more expensive than both contains all the information you and your family need to be sexually literate in the 90s any other decade you're [ __ ] are you not getting [ __ ] I guess so make your way to American Dream calendar girl screensaver this is a tough decision bro metal and Lace contains violence and sexy Graphics is that a warning or a selling point looking for something fun and exciting yet sexier than munching dots or pudgy painters oh go [ __ ] yourself you losers playing Pac-Man when you should be horny limber up those fingers comes packed with speed and action to challenge the player in you and includes the first ever action game plot to entertain you you really think this would turn me on you think Pac-Man doesn't because joke's on you it does finally we're out of the PC section and things start off with the tiger electronic LCD games Jesus Christ oh roughly 20 bucks except for this dear diary one obviously it's a bit more complex almost like a miniature electronic planner speaking of which did you know Sega made something like that a Sega electronic communicator and organizer this entire page is dedicated to everything Sega that barely counts as Sega the pocket arcade the Pico pods who the hell are you then there's the four pages for the Panasonic 3DO you can trademark the word real roughly 70 dollars per 32x game that's [ __ ] up 36 great holes who ranked them Rayman got this bizarre temporary box art and was referred to as the Rayman Paige is dedicated to different Publishers oh my God like you think these pages are being utilized enough Mickey Mickey it's so cool to see temporary boxer like this for games so old to see that they didn't have super punch out or universes or 10 star art so they had to make their own it's really something else oh my God video game prices were ridiculous back then the fact that Tetris 2 was only 10 less than Super Metroid is a crime over the fact that X-Men and the great circus mystery both seventy dollars but at least there's a pre-order bonus for warriors Woods for the player that just couldn't wait but then Final Fantasy 3 was 80 bucks which makes sense if you're getting money out of any game it's probably this one though they messed up the name in the descriptions here brutal Paws of Fury is more expensive than Super Metroid Mario Paint and Donkey Kong Country that's confidence this guy is nothing but pure joy to skim through even though half of it is taken up by old PC software it's kind of refreshing you don't see that stuff covered nearly as much as old school console games so it's neat to see everything this guide covers plus how much it all costs at the time each of the big video game companies generally put out their own little brochure sure like this PlayStation one from 2002 living your world Play in Ours Stuart Little Too the guys like this mainly just focused on the holiday lineup for said system rather than what's the thing to buy and those specific games like Sly Cooper and Socom get much more space than others it's obvious Sony's really trying to push stuff like Primal I really like catalogs like this because they help put you in the shoes of a gamer back then I only really started to consume gaming news around 2008 or so to be able to look at 2002 from the eyes of a PlayStation 2 owner I think it's important which doing so would piss off Gamers from 2002 because I'm acting like I really know what it was like to be gaming in 2002 but it would piss them off otherwise if I was only talking about how Wii music was my childhood but hey 2003 was my childhood so I think a serious catalog from this time will do wonders for me I can immediately see a huge difference in quality here this feels much more modern already a 10 512 games in one LCD game arcade style display what the hell are you talking about that is more in common with a calculator than an arcade machine it's like oh this is just like an arcade machine exists personalized cotton towel is then they used a label maker oh my God I always wanted one of these portable TVs that would one thing to use that were please especially if you're combining with the video Center TV stand bring that on a trip would you that looks like some things never change for all the kids who browse the wishbook to Circle what they want for Christmas that's a crotch yes this is a very 2003 extreme sweatshirts next to Levi's with Levi's and bold red on the jeans yeah the only reason I wear pants is because people know they're Levi's yes these state-of-the-art TV for the time was this Behemoth honestly if you're one of those old farts that say things are too complicated now have fun moving this what the hell okay so Palm handhelds seem to be precursors to the Palm cell phones but these are more so digital planners but here are pom-pac games sold separately including Rayman and a Sega Classics compilation I have never heard of this it turns out the second one is a bunch of Game Gear games I assume this is going to be Genesis games but no it's Game Gear a microwave with a toaster built in who the hell wants a toaster on its side like that you're gonna get crumbs everywhere gotta be honest these pictures of toys aren't nearly as impressive as the books from the 90s I mean those compositions were intense they're pretty much just putting them on solid color backdrops it's a huge downgrade in my opinion but 2003 the mini LCD games have pretty much been relegated to bored and card games and the oddsy one as a kid and huh okay well I guess by 2003 Sears gave up on video games weird considering they still did the Palm stuff they were selling DVD and CD players in lingerie but no no movies music or video games for that I suppose we have to look at the GameStop 2003 holiday catalog this one is far more kind of [ __ ] boring it's still cool but every page feels the exact same I don't understand why most games and products have prices but then others just have great gift or yes like [ __ ] give me answers much like previous years I really find it compelling to see temporary box art I mean there's Wario World one I wish it wasn't temporary I can go through these kind of things all day and I'd love to do more in the future but for the time being I think this was a lovely trip down holiday Memory Lane because who doesn't look at a 2500 tanning bed and go Nostalgia the holidays are a stressful time but it's important to cherish those smaller simpler moments because in reality those are the moments you will remember for years to come sometimes I remember these books more than the actual Christmases these books were for and even then I don't even remember a lot of the products in these books more so I remember spending time in my grandma's circling products I mean those are Superfluous memories but special ones so thank you Sears is this what his therapy sessions are like yeah with us crying okay well I think we should head back to the party but we don't want anybody to know what we're doing back here we got to come up with a good excuse well what happened to you oh he beat the [ __ ] out of me I suck in that oh I could use something to drink hey Rex can you give me a water oh sure thing oh all I have is why why you didn't turn water into wine so use those fingers for anything to count how many jobs I lost today no no like have they bought any gifts lately I might give this to my heart not my fingers you can't tell me those hands were buying gifts earlier I mean look at them I've been unemployed all day cut me some slack so you're Jesus Christ would Jesus lie to you oh my god hey I got a robe in my car the plot thickens so you walked on Ice you chose to pick up wine and anybody can have a robe in their car not if they don't have one yeah good point I'll put a good word for you with Dad actually can you do me a different kind of favor Jerry I'm Jesus Christ not a charity come on just tell me who you got for secret santa oh I would but the 11th commandment just went into effect okay let's do presents well I got a certain Target employee for secret Santa I got an unemployee for secret santa oh that's me I got you something at Target for Christmas oh boy what stop it from Target I thought you could use the support oh and I got our Lord and savior Rex mode Viagra all of it the entire County's wiped out the supply chains botched for the next quarter you stop sex for me as long as I can get an autograph and Terry I got you which reiterates the question why can't we just get along there's nothing in here what could be more vegan than nothing I got you Jeb embrace the geometry garbage fresh garbage from the dump you just opened up this will look sick as pollution well you haven't given out your prison yet well that's because my secret Santa isn't here yet what yeah well it should be here right now [Music] that's officer steel wool he murdered nearly everybody here he fought Us in court he survived a death sentence why is he here I didn't know who he was I thought he was an abrasive sponge why would you add somebody to our secret santa I thought we needed one more to even it out oh come on he deserves to be here who's lonely on Christmas than a dead serial killer I forgive you what's the deal oh he thinks he's Jesus Christ tis the season but now I get nothing this wasn't what I signed up for yeah it was you signed up for therapy well maybe I should talk to him we're both in horrible moods right now well in the meantime I got to set the record straight steel wool are you a man of God as much as I'm a convicted serial killer good because that means you're a man of me now are we finally getting the inside scoop it's the only way to convert the non-believers I present to you the next most crucifixion special foreign [Music] starts well my story starts and the tallest tower of Jerusalem I was locked up for losing a race to a tortoise but that's irrelevant some called me a liar I called myself Jesus Christ but you can call me Rex short for xmos my mother bless her heart was a virgin and a bear that's right a virgin bear the first of its kind but you've never seen one of those before huh might be asking how virgin bear gave birth to me I wonder that too a camel was there three little pigs came forth bearing three separate gifts magic beans magic beans and magic beans I was overjoyed I planted them almost immediately and a giant beanstalk Shadow I was overjoyed I knew then and there I was the son of Christ him said the local schoolyard bully this [ __ ] couldn't be born in a manger even if he tried but I shouldn't say that because my mother was never me and this bully never got along but I sure tried I told him I was Jesus me and my seven best friends were so close even if we couldn't see eye to eye most of the time the schoolyard bully had a friend group named disciples so I named mine the disciples I was fairly popular in high school everybody wanted a piece of Jesus I I couldn't blame him I did the sick trick where I walked over water because somebody dared me to and then afterwards I kissed a frog that frog turned into our beloved mascot a wolf a wolf in my grandmother's clothing I couldn't stop crying about it nobody heard me so I cut down the stupid [ __ ] tree I later had to get wooden teeth karma's a [ __ ] I was overjoyed and if you go through puberty as Jesus Christ it [ __ ] stunk try telling somebody you're the Son of God while you're horny it just does it doesn't work so I ventured into this Garden red ass apples read his ass everywhere I was really hungry from going through Jesus puberty but get this the snake told me you can't have any and I went well why not and before he had a chance to respond I took a bite bad move the Apple was way too hot the snake said they were too cold then this chuckle [ __ ] Adam and Eve one person came out unmasked themselves and turned out they were a frog a frog who I promptly kissed as I thought the deer was still active the Frog Went Ribbit and then flew away from that point forward I disavowed sex I had too many Jesus to do me and my seven disciples were walking to school that was so us my buddy Judas who I nicknamed bluffy decided to betray me as a joke I thought it was really funny after I parted Lake Erie I knew myself I had to be stopped it was only a matter of time until Lake Michigan wanted a piece of this that schoolyard bullet got the skinny from Judas that his name was Ponce de Leon he said you know what I'm gonna nail your hands to Planks of wood and watch you die I said can I have supper first so a little inside fact about me I love supper I counted all the suppers I've had after adding them all up turns out this was the last I found this pee under my bed we had that to eat grumpy didn't want any of his stinky was full smelly was Sniff and Stinky's neck it was a goddamn mess and Judas I was like for what he did to me I made him drink my blood he said it was pretty good like booze we started hepatitis I was like all right I'm ready let's bring it on then these people started beating the [ __ ] out of me all right they're kicking my ass they even stole my shoe then they said walk up this mountain with a cross and I went no I'm not doing that [ __ ] that's [ __ ] weird they stapled my [ __ ] hands to the thing and I was just hanging there by the fourth hour I was starting to get a little pissed some guy came up to me and thanked me for dying for his sins and I had no [ __ ] clue what he was talking about I was just like who said I was dying I I didn't sign up for this I thought it was just getting hazed so guess what I died not my finest moment moral of the story don't get crucified it stings that really all happened well I took some Liberty to keep the story flowing uh there were actually Four bears wow nice can you teach me how to cry like that it's not fair I just wanted this to be the best Christmas ever now I don't even get a gift a serial killer shows up to my party I just want to feel like people want to be here because they actually want to be around me not just because of the promise of gifts or something I always feel like I'm an annoyance to you guys like the only reason why you show up is just because you get looped into my garbage not because you actually want to be around me I mean why else do I only see you guys like five times a year I feel like I'm a complete annoyance to the people I consider my friends like I hate to pay my therapist to show up for God's sake you didn't I've actually been off the clock all day what I care about spending the holidays with everybody here including you Scott if everybody here was only showing up for gift they wouldn't have come we're all adults here if we don't want to come we wouldn't come we can go off and do all kinds of things around like lose our jobs really the holidays are about being around people you care about you don't do it for something to return I may have lost my job today but if that's because they wanted me to work today no I met Jesus Christ it looks like we did make a new Jesus wow everybody does care they don't want to spend time with me they do want to be here and we did make this an amazing Christmas who even cares if I didn't get a gift tough sky and either way I can always just look back at all the gifts I've gotten throughout the years which I've already done recently [Music] hey y'all Scott here I have an exciting announcement to make I am officially old enough to not be happy let's talk about Nostalgia I own hundreds of games at this point it's a bit of a quirk I mean I didn't just slip and oops look what happened no I chose this lifestyle much like how I chose to not shower this week and once you own this many games your personal connection towards them starts to wane back when I had like 10 games I had something you need to say about each and every one now I mean I can try a bull random game off the shelf it starts with an X that's when you have to dig deep for Nostalgia think about your childhood games and one game do you remember more than the ones you unwrapped on Christmas morning this right here this was all I wanted Christmas of 2008. Sonic Unleashed I saw one trailer online and my jaw dropped it looked incredible the beautiful graphic sense of speed it's almost as if the game was good while the trailer I watched was for the Xbox 360 version and thankfully a Wii release happened as that was my only current console at the time once I opened it that Christmas I immediately popped it into play and you know what to an 11 year old let's look close enough to the trailers that I wasn't too disappointed but then the gimmick of this game showed its ugly face the Werehog sections you know these aren't bad it's not like the game is horrible Sonic Unleashed suffers from the good stages being so good in the Werehog stages being so were hog sega's shoehorned this concept of Sonic turning into a bad [ __ ] at night to appeal to more people but like this was never what got me interested in the game how can you have happen the game look like this and think that's not good enough it's all because they couldn't make an entire game's worth of HD beautiful stages that you just zoom right through it would be too expensive so have beat em up sections where you have a snaggletooth the first few stages of Sonic Unleashed I adored but yeah after a few of the Werehog nighttime ones I lost interest in the game it's a shame because this was my most hyped game ever I was so damn excited to play this on Christmas morning and while I liked it I do vividly remember a Werehog stage being the last one I played before shelving it but you know what I got right alongside Sonic Unleashed Lego Batman the video game also for Wii everybody has a Lego Batman story mine just so happens to be adultery Sonic Unleash we were just on a break two Wii games for Christmas ain't a bad deal but the very next year in 2009 I had one of my most memorable presents ever see there's generally the stigma that you get your big boy presence when unwrapping them from your parents now when you go to see your extended family that's when you have to go in with expectations that the gifts aren't going to be anything that expensive or massive you know a full-fledged Wii game 50 bucks that's a lot to expect from your uncle so I just straight up didn't ask for anything like that but lo and behold my cousin's boyfriend bought me a new Super Mario Brothers Wii holy [ __ ] that was the video game for that holiday season a full priced one at that and I got it for Christmas not even from a blood relative I must have been some 12 year old and with my fake ID I still am sadly being an only child made the main gimmick a new Super Mario Brothers Wii that being multiplayer a little inaccessible for me but playing it as a typical Mario game I still had a good time with it no doubt about that but I think the rush of getting it as an extended family Christmas gift still resides inside me looking back at Old family photos enhance that's [ __ ] Simpsons road Rage 2005 this was one of my gifts a Game Boy Advance copy of road rage this is literally a Crazy Taxi clone but it's quality especially for a GBA Game I find it so incredibly impressive just driving around in a 3D space on a Game Boy Advance it was so cool I never really even played the taxi missions I just kept selecting the Sunday drive mode and explore the world but you can't play Simpsons road Rage without patent infringement and a Game Boy Advance 2003 was the year I got a Game Boy Advance SP now to be fair I had a normal Game Boy Advance prior I got that for my birthday the year prior alongside a copy of SpongeBob SquarePants legend of the Lost spatula because you know I'm me but the very next year I got the SP model that gorgeously vibrant red model nestled in a new carrying case this was my magnum opus owning a Game Boy Advance SP no longer needing batteries the clamshell design made it more compact the backlit screen made the screen possible to see for the first time ever same that as a child that has finally seen the light fast forwarding to 2011 that was the year I finally upgraded to an Xbox 360 with the connect bundle and there's this GameStop deal going on during Black Friday that I convinced my mom to scarf down on as you can tell this was at the point where I no longer had much Whimsy with Christmas presents it was more so pointing and saying that that's still made for a great Christmas lots of games came as a part of this whole shtick I got connected Ventures with the 360 plus invest tested in Dance Central you start 2 and GoldenEye 007 reloaded and then on top of that my mom bought me the gun Stringer without my knowledge how nice of her this is a pretty fun holiday just a lot of stuff I wanted especially you start 2 you get to put yourself in movie clips I adored this concept the problem was nobody in my family cared to play along with it I tried to set it up at some Gatherings and nobody wanted to play ball which was so lame you ever have that we have a dumb little product you want to give a go at family gatherings and nobody wants to look like a jackass for your amusement yeah it pisses me off too [ __ ] you Betty oh shoot I got a weed Tower and a chair in 2009 I completely forgot about that how could I forget being a gamer pretty much the games like these I will always have that personal connection to and out of all the products to have a personal connection to I'm happy it's these video games video games can take the form of many gifts during the holidays whether they're the games themselves they're in holiday gift guides or their gift cards and they're always some of the best presents you could possibly get but it's everything around those gifts that's truly special who gave it to you who played it with you on that holiday morning the joy of opening up that present from somebody you care about or seeing the face of somebody you care about give you the gift all of those matter way more than the gifts themselves it truly goes to show that Christmas is all about the experience of being around the people you love so just don't be a spoiled [ __ ] wow someone looks satisfied oh it's God's back too you guys this is the best Christmas ever but who even cares there's no need to rank them because as long as we're together every year is the best Christmas ever Merry Christmas A little birdie told me you'd like this wow how did you know I told you Birds hey guys it took some convincing but after I showed them the true meaning of Christmas they gave me my job at Target pack I was just demoted to CFO I assume that true meaning of Christmas had to do with something non-alcoholic anti-satariasis want to be Jesus hey I gave you your vegan present and I ate it already it's over my guess will never truly see eye to eye on this or anything double anything go not have sex go eat a bush hey you guys have really been polishing off that spiked eggnog spiked egg want to geek out about puking very what a Christmas it's so great I think even Jesus would agree sadly he went home an hour ago but even with this being such a great Christmas I can't help but feel something's missing hey nothing lasts forever how did you rise from the dead felt like it was because of some kind of funny cult Magic smelled like it too I think that was because of Austin and to think I ever doubted that you would join a cult so what brings you here I got a call from some therapist saying you were all in need of some extra feet for some gift exchange really who got you a present steel wool you got me no hard feelings I went above and beyond but uh I got you got you this has a letter a in it reminded me of your last name you remembered oh boy I can't wait to own something from somebody who actually cares something I'll make the most out of to show my gratification something new something I don't own 40 copies of something I'll get to next year [Music] thank you [Music]

Channel: Scott The Woz

Views: 2,042,200

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Id: FbANUYQ1FB4

Length: 46min 18sec (2778 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 25 2021