The Future of 5up | Using 500 IQ to Find Purpose

the best way to understand yourself is having someone in your corner coaches can help you understand yourself by providing an angle on your issues for more information on coaching and a way to sign up for our waitlist click the first link in the description hey man uh are you dude yeah you sound like a dude i was just i it just occurred to me that i i wasn't entirely sure of your gender because you know oh i see yeah i'm a guy um so welcome five up oh thank you thank you for having me uh do you wanna see my face on the discord call um sure why not okay there my face is revealed hello hey man uh and what do you go by uh just five up for twitch okay and um and and what would you like to talk about today five up oh should we just get into like the main things i guess or sure uh i guess somewhat being new to twitch and the whole new experience of it and what goes along with that i guess really good and the bad side of it i think that's probably the main thing okay so the like how to adjust to twitch yeah essentially okay and and so can you tell me a little bit about um how you got uh started streaming on twitch uh sure uh so i'd say for around two years now i've been friends with a lot of streamers but it's always been like behind the scenes i guess so the public didn't know me um then when a manga started just becoming extremely popular uh i was good at deception-based games they thought it was entertaining and they brought me along for some of the streams and then they constantly sent me screenshots of like does five upstream where they can i have a link to a stream or like people begging me to stream so i eventually just said okay i'll turn it on it wasn't really a plan to become a streamer and then it just grew in exponentially an insane amount uh now here we are okay um and we're gonna start with one of the staples how does that make you feel um i feel it feels weird i guess like is the best way i can describe it where the the element of i don't think i can process having around like 10 000 to 20 000 people watch me like it doesn't feel like that's an actual thing uh i guess where i don't think it's even hit me for that aspect it just more feels like i'm talking to um a like it feels the same talking to 100 people i guess um but then there's other elements where you actually interact with the people that watch you which is like the very daunting almost but it's a really cool experience at the same time what's daunting about it um i'm not used to having people like be nervous around me i guess where if you join a channel there'll be a flood of people coming in and then they'll all want to say something but they'll also like be extremely nervous to say anything uh and that's a weird experience for me i'd say just because i'm used to just talking to people uh just like person to person i guess okay i'm just listening to your voice do you mind if i ask a couple of questions in general about um you know ballpark features of your like where you are in life sure so can you just ballpark your age for me i'm 21. okay and um do you want to share with us like are you a student or i'm not cur sure uh i'm not currently a student i finished high school then i went immediately into working uh i did graphic design okay and so are you working right now do you have a job uh i not i mean i guess twitch is my full-time job now yep but before that uh yeah um i did graphic design okay full time and um when did you start streaming on twitch uh in mid-august of this year okay so just recently um and so can can you help me understand a little bit about what what about adjusting to twitch has been challenging for you um there is a i don't i feel guilty when i can't control the chat room because it's such a new thing that i wasn't able to like build from the ground up and like start a very controlled community where um there it's just a combination of a bunch of different communities plus youtube uh all into one very fresh place and sometimes it's just like they'll if anything goes wrong for uh say in a game of among us because that's a game about deception there's going to be heated moments and a lot of people understand that and they will brigade other chat rooms occasionally and it's just um that's not me at all and it's very hard to control that and that's like i feel bad about that by a giant amount and then there's like the uh i'm not gonna say i don't think i have imposter syndrome but correct me if i'm wrong if this is in the lines of it where so i'm losing my voice in a second uh it's it's not it's sort of like i work hard for what i do i try to be entertaining uh but there is the feeling of like these are my peers i've only started in august and it almost feels like a level of undeservingness okay when i compare myself to other people firefox would you describe yourself as contemplative uh remind me what that means like do you are you a thinker yeah you sound contemplative you sound like you think about things yeah i would say i think a lot before um i do anything to the point of over analyzing stuff how do you know if you overanalyze something when i can think about like four different possibilities of ways to go like even for this interview i guess it was like what if i say something bad what if i say something good what if i reveal too much blah blah blah blah blah and that's like way too much into detail versus just going with it but does that bother you to think to overannoys um for some parts it's helpful for some parts it's very very um bad i guess where you can get in your own head ask again does it bother you oh um no i didn't think so so you know sometimes people talk about overthinking as anxiety so sometimes you know we kind of think about people who overthink about various possibilities and stuff like that as a manifestation of anxiety but it sounds to me like you just kind of calculate but it doesn't necessarily bother you i'd say that's accurate and so i'd say that when you say that you overthink it's actually out of a logical conclusion that maybe you would benefit from thinking less and maybe you would do better with sort of going with the flow and letting go and doing all these things that people talk about what do you think about that yeah i mean that would it's a lot easier said than done is the sad part about that though yeah where yeah go ahead sorry yeah i i don't i've like i've tried to do that occasionally but it's like i'll put myself out on a whim and do stuff spontaneous just to like try and capture that more but it's like still very hard to do that just like portland possible sure sure okay so let me just try to kind of recap a little bit about what i understand about u5 up and then you let me know if i'm kind of missing particular things or you want to add anything okay so it sounds like you were friends with streamers and then you started playing among us with them just kind of out of fun maybe and then people started inquiring a little bit about you know how do we watch you stream directly and then you kind of decided okay maybe i'll give this a shot and around mid-august you started streaming and and now you have what sounds like five to ten thousand concurrents and you feel sort of undeserving but at the same time i'm not hearing that you're particularly distressed if anything you're more bewildered and it's sort of like you just spawned in the game and you're like kind of looking around and you're like what's going on here and how do i manage this where am i yeah um i don't know if relating to the the undeserving part where i don't know if bewildered is the correct word because i mean more in that feeling it's um there's people that i've watched for years i guess or people that have been in the industry for years like nine ten years i guess and then i come in and then it's only been three months i it's hard to not compare yourself to other people and like a personal opinion was like these people are so entertaining and i don't feel as entertaining as them uh and then i am all of a sudden like bigger and i don't want to use bigger because that feels like cocky almost um sure but i i can't think of a better word besides that where some of these people only have like 500 viewers for example and i i feel like people deserve so much more i guess where i'm kind of just here sure that's more the feeling of it yeah yeah no i i get it so i'm also not noticing a whole lot of distress with anything that you've talked about today i mean i'm generally a very very like controlled person where i try to not let emotions or i guess emotional sides in general um affect me where i think about it a lot then i i decide how i feel about that and go on about that rather than just like acting on an impulse or letting things affect me too much and what is it that you're keeping at bay what is it that you're not not letting what is it that you're not letting affect you um i mean i've been hmm well i i guess besides like repeating myself i guess um i i've never been one to like it's not a lack of empathy it's a lack of like vocal empathy i guess where or emotional understanding of people um i don't know how to like explain this okay well let's why don't you start by doing a bad job and then we'll clean it up gotcha sure um when when someone's going through a situation i guess it's i look at things logically and find a logical solution rather than an emotional solution and that translates over to pretty much everything i do in general so not just the um like that that was more of an example trying to translate over to like everything and that's how my mind thinks so that's what i more me by like less empathy uh in terms of like feeling and such for so like streaming i guess i don't understand um a lot of the the feelings that go into it that a lot of people have or like the response and reception from chat i guess where like it feels sort of like a giant disconnect sure a little better yeah yeah good good job so let me let me see if we let's see if we can do this together okay five up sure so i i don't know exactly what i'm getting this from but i get the sense that like you don't live the life that other people live and i'm not just talking about being a successful streamer i mean that you sort of navigate the world and you kind of like see other people having issues with stuff that just is not an issue for you and and you sort of logically understand how there are things that you know people feel and things that people do and stuff like that and sometimes they get bothered about things and they they feel like imposters and whatnot but you just don't feel those things like you get that maybe on some level you do maybe you feel it a little bit but it doesn't it doesn't it seem to affect you as much as it affects other people yeah i'd say that's very true okay we got a very true okay so yeah man i i think this is gonna go potentially in a different direction from uh maybe what you were thinking or maybe what other people were thinking um and it's interesting okay um so let me ask you this five up can you tell me a little bit about your upbringing um sure i um i guess from a very young age my parents were divorced so i was always raised on the two house dynamic where half the week i'd spend a day or days at my father's house half days at my mother's house um went to um a charter school if you know what that is yeah can you explain it to us uh charter school is essentially it's not a public school it is a school where it is more of a small different type of teaching style where for the specific one it was like three years at a campus because this is like age six or nine um some i'm just going to speak in ages because europeans might be watching um so ages six through nine then different campus uh with a whole different class and such in students uh three years there then another campus after the ages of nine through twelve then you do two years in middle school that's i guess 12 through 14 and then i went to a public school um so kind of through throughout school i i've always been the person to finish things very very quickly where instead of i don't really know what a public school system is for the ages up until high school because i didn't go to one um but we were assigned very like a set assignments for the week and i would always just finish that in the first day and then i would just spend the rest of the week doing whatever i wanted i guess because there was no other assignment to do um and that lasted up until i guess middle school and within those things because i had so much freedom um the teachers didn't really know what to do with me and things kind of just got i guess left behind in a way where i was just my own independent i guess and it was hard to find the resources of like what i wanted to do fully um so within these school systems every i'd say third year because like i said you switch a campus after three years so first and second fine on the third year the year before you switch to campus um something always happened to where i was learning i guess where either the teacher got um something happened to them the dynamic changed a lot where like on my third year the teacher got pregnant and then she completely just like did not pay attention to any of the thirty years um in sixth grade or age twelve um the teacher swapped from the main one and for the three years that we're at these campuses we only share the same classmates for every subject and there's only 28 people per class and the campus has like 200 people in total and then middle school same thing happened again where a bunch of teachers that i know were good from my brother's experience because he went to the same schools as me um they all swapped the years i got there and so everything was sort of like a transitional period um i'm sorry can you say did you say you have siblings i have one brother and is he older or younger uh older and what's he up to um he is um let's say he's in the medical research field and i have to leave that a little bit um sure broad i guess is he accomplished for yeah uh well he's um he's 23 he just finished um university but like i can't say what he does no no i'm not asking what he does i asked is he good at it um i don't know i mean he's that's okay it's kind of secret i guess what's secret about that um hmm i'm i i don't mean to pry i'm just genuine no no no no no no i'm just trying to get a sense of like if he's accomplished at whatever field he is and i don't i don't yes that's identifying information yeah he's a he's accomplished at what he does i think that's all i could really say sure that's that's oh yeah basically what i'm asking um five up do you feel like you're not like the other humans what do you mean by that i'm going to that more um what was your why did you laugh what did you feel when i asked the question um and i'll go go into it more in a second i guess when you say that it instantly like makes me go into comparing myself to other people and it's like i did things differently than people i wouldn't say i'm different though i guess yeah but but so so i'll pay attention to my wording okay do you feel like you're not like the other humans yes okay so i'll explain more now so like humans have like lives right where they get attached to things they get emotional sometimes they get anxious sometimes they get confused sometimes they get you know bent out of shape they compare they have egos they try hard they suffer they're paralyzed by lack of motivation things like that and it's not that you don't feel any of those things it's just that all that [ __ ] seems to affect you less like the volume on all of those things is sort of turned down yeah i'd agree okay and so i mean a a five-upper you are you like i don't i'm not getting much in terms of like emotional distress or like you know sometimes people come on and they're like dealing with let's say depression or anxiety or like feeling cut off or feeling unmotivated or things like that i'm not really i'm not really getting any any of that from you um yeah that wasn't um uh i guess throughout like middle school in high school uh or early high school i i had like a little bit of depression i'd say and i managed to work through that and i think i'm in a very comfortable spot uh and now i've been for a bunch of years now sure sure so so i'm just confirming that right so sure i i we don't need to go digging for negativity in fact i'm just i'm actually trying to close the door on negativity because i think that becomes a much more interesting conversation so this isn't going to be a conversation at least i don't think so about depression or anxiety or imposter syndrome or anything like that what do you think about that does any of that stuff like did you want to talk about any of that stuff um that wasn't really the intention i guess of coming on here did you have a particular intention oh the well i guess two one was to one meet you because i am a fan uh two um [Music] i guess the there's the the nervousness about everything relating to what happened like being here now as in the the twitch environment and what that means and the the i guess the terrifyingness of what comes after because with such a sudden explosion on such a um a game that has no business being as popular as it does the the moment that comes after what happens next after that game is finished is terrifying what's terrifying about that um the why do people fully watch me i guess because i don't feel that particularly entertaining i guess and i don't understand why um to this degree this happened for the position i'm in now yep okay so i think there's an important word there and and my my i'm getting kind of like an interesting direction which i'd like to pose to you now so you said you don't understand so sometimes when like you don't know you don't understand what comes next so and that's actually what i'd like to focus on today so sometimes when people come on they're struggling with a particular emotion or like problem and and our goal is to sort of help them like see things in a new light in a sense it's understanding but i think it's more of like an emotional understanding in your case five up what i would say is that you are what i would call spiritually gifted and what i mean by that is that like you're one of these people that is actually for whatever reason has a fair amount of detachment kind of baked into you so what we talk about and what we try to encourage in this channel is for people to teach people how to become detached okay so so i know this sounds kind of weird but like so sometimes you know like i mean i don't give people like clinical diagnoses but my sense of people is that okay this person has anxiety holding them back or this person has shame holding them back or you know this person like isn't in cell because they have a low value of themselves or whatever the interesting thing is that in your case i i think for whatever reason you have a certain amount of detachment baked into you and what i mean by detachment is that you know a lot of human beings live lives that they're like very attached to stuff so sometimes that's material stuff sometimes it's relationships sometimes it's like goals and ambitions but i don't get the sense that you're particularly ambitious i don't get the sense that you're particularly like um you know hung up on something emotionally i think you just sort of are generally like kind of content and kind of happy and if anything you're just trying to figure out like how all this stuff works like you're not but but your your your desire to figure out how things work is not like out of a desire to like change something so a lot of times like understanding is born of like desperation so i'm tired of feeling this way so i need to understand how to stop feeling this way you just seem to sort of be like kind of chilling and and are like you know life is relatively easy for you um i don't get the sense that you're particularly attached to like academic accomplishments although it sounds like you could be quite accomplished if you really put your mind to it but you seem to be relatively uninterested um you're one of these rare people that seems like you went to work after high school but like that was also like i'd guess that you were relatively successful as a graphic designer yeah i didn't have a um a reason to go to college where any field that i want to go into or wanted to go into didn't really require that education yeah so see that's kind of interesting because that's very rare right so very few people say i'm not gonna go to college because it doesn't suit me so most people are actually like you know have either a lack of like internal sense of direction to where they go out go to college out of like insecurity and like not being sure what they want to do in life or they go because that's what they're supposed to do like you just sort of have your own internal compass that seems to be a little bit you know um slick when it comes to like the world wanting you to do things like it just the world wanting you to do things just sort of doesn't latch on to you does that make sense yeah how how much do you think that what i'm saying actually is accurate to kind of your who you are in your life i think um i want like my mind says i want to say you're like completely accurate but i want to say 95 like there might be some room for air um but i'd say you got very accurate okay so i think oddly enough so so this is going to be an interesting conversation five up because i i don't think it's gonna be about like so some people are drawing correlations between you and destiny and some people are sort of saying that like you know this sounds a lot like destiny like he doesn't experience a whole lot of emotion frankly i i don't i don't think you're similar to destiny at all i don't so so some people i think have emotional suppression i don't think you have emotional suppression or i mean maybe you've got some but i i don't think you're like you know there's some treasure trove of negative emotion that you've talked so far away within yourself that like you know that's what we have to dig up i think you're just kind of confused and you're different from other people and and you're not really sure like how to systematically understand yourself better or like what to do with your life hmm yeah i don't know how to respond to that i mean besides like i wanna i wanna give a better response than just yeah i think that very nail on the head but i don't know like what to say that's okay so so just just say so you don't have to offer more i just want you to offer if it's a nail on the head that's nail on the head right so then then it's going to be weird because i'm going to guide the conversation because but first we have to like establish um we have to just establish that we're on the same page about what we're talking about and what direction to go right so like i'm just trying to like nail this down very clearly that i don't think i'm gonna try to dig into your negative emotions from your childhood because i don't think there's a whole lot to find there no okay so um so then so let's just talk about this so can you tell me a little bit uh i i do want to understand a little bit more about your upbringing so can you tell me a little bit about your parents um sure so the graphic design side was that is a business that my mom's side runs i'm getting a call in a second let me just give me two seconds sorry about that i just muted everything i turned it off um yeah so for my uh mom's side of stuff she runs the her own graphic design business and it's more of like a work at home very specialized type of thing where i'm not going to say what exactly we do and what we work on because it's very easy to find uh if you know but we do a lot of stuff for like specialized industries relating to either music or big uh conferences and uh hotels and advertisement stuff and then for my dad's side it's um he's very accomplished in the rock climbing scene where like two very very very different uh personalities and sides of upbringing where um i guess i got to experience like one side where we didn't have like any money and we're struggling on that side and then mom's side was a lot more uh frugal i guess and it was the the dynamic of going from nothing to a little bit of something and just pushing back and forth and seeing both sides of that i guess um then i'm trying to think of how much i want to say um let's talk about this for a second why why the hesitation why do you think so carefully about what you want to say for this topic in particular or yeah just this topic and also like you know it sounds like you're very concerned about revealing something what is it that you're trying to protect i'm not i'm not trying to get you to say anything about it i just want to understand what your motivations are oh um i guess it's also pertaining to um why i don't show my face where i don't want to have people find relating back to i guess me being friends with streamers before i streamed on twitch for years whenever i went out with them um they would get recognized all the time didn't matter where they were and the the thought of loss of privacy is something i don't i don't want it all or okay i want to be able to do what i want to do and not have to um be forced to just lose that i guess okay so you're just it's just protection of privacy for protection of privacy and then there is like how much do i want to say about um it's privacy for one side and then it's like very very very personal things for the other what does that mean for the other um so like relating to why i didn't like go into detail about what my mom's company does uh that's more of the keeping privacy side of things and then for like why i'm hesitating on the other is this like personal events that happen that are like i don't think i want to reveal at that moment or like go too much into are personal events like that happened in your upbringing yes okay yeah yeah i mean okay were you did you grow up in a particular uh religious tradition no um there there was an event that caused my dad's or my dad to become very religious where he wasn't at all and too very religious um and then my mom said not at all okay um have you had people in your life five up who understand you yeah like do do people like understand like have you met anyone like you similar i can think of three people you can think of three people any of them like older than you um i'd say two of them are like substantially one's two years old two years older than me the other one is four years older than me okay then the other one is um i'm older than him by a few months okay and how did you get to be friends with a bunch of streamers um how did that happen if you oh combination of a few things i guess where i i assume you know what league of legends is yeah yeah um i peaked a challenger in that game and that in suit just goes with um you you meet streamers from like i hate saying this but like challenger is essentially like all right you you are a person you can talk to who you want to because that is the social status and then the the other side is like i had a friend that i'm not going to say who uh i had a friend that got popular on the raj patel show now known as like the austin or love and host whatever it's called um that no longer goes on there and she introduced me to a lot of streamers i guess and i became friends with them and how did you feel about that what was it like being friends with streamers um i never really looked at it like that it was more i always try to just become friends with people that are fun i've never been one to get like star struck or nervous around people i guess i think that makes sense um did you ever think about the value it could bring being friends with these people yeah i mean that was partially in the back of my head and it makes me feel bad but um yeah there there is an element of like well i i have friends that are in the scene and i have more opportunities to do some fun things uh i didn't think uh streaming was like a potential but i didn't want to feel like i would take advantage of that situation i wanted more do it on myself if i wanted to stream streaming was never really a um a thing i thought to pursue okay five foot what do you want to do with your life uh i i've wanted i said i've wanted to do what i want is the best way to put it where i want to spontaneously do um just random goals that i have whether it be travel to a bunch of locations um and explore all of europe or asia versus um maybe open a very very nice bakery somewhere in europe or um become very uh skilled at uh cooking or pastry side of that um but overall just like have fun and do what i want is always been my goal in life i think that would be a waste interesting why so you were born with a really good set of rng five up and i think that that if you're bored born with a good set of rng you've got two options right one is just kind of coast and you sort of live a life of indulgence right you learn you get good at things like things that are respectably indulgent but you do things like you travel you master skills because you have the talent and proficiency to do so like something tells me that you know here we've got a 21 year old kid who's challenger in league of legends and a very successful streamer after like three months of streaming and if you something tells me if you wanted to master becoming a pastry chef you would so when you put your mind to something it sounds like it ten your mind tends to generally speak and do what you want it to do um you know you have a certain amount of self-direction and and you know it's you sound kind of op five i i guess but i the the i don't know i respond to that i'll be honest um that's okay i i don't know what what do you mean by it would be oh like are you saying that for like you think would be better for me to pursue i uh i don't know uh a field or i i don't generally know what you mean by it would be a waste yeah i i get that and so we're going to talk about that in a second yeah okay so here's here's what i think would be a waste so like okay so five up i think this will make a lot more sense if i give you just some actual context so in the karmic religions like hinduism and buddhism they believe in the principle of cause and effect okay so that's what karma means so karma means that for each action there's an equal and opposite reaction that all things that happen have causes and that all things and that all causes lead to happenings you with me so far yes okay so then let me ask you a question if you got a good rng like you spawned with a good seed okay like you know i'm talking about like rng seed from like roguelikes yes okay so if you spawn with a good seed so let's let me start by asking you this question okay so we're gonna like philosophize a little bit which is not something i do often on stream but i think it's actually probably what you need because i imagine you have these kinds of thoughts a lot so um so do you think that cause and effect is a universal principle of existence or do you think that it is it is limited and that some causes exist without effects and that some effects are not preceded by causes uh definitely the second one so give me an example of an effect that is not preceded by a where cause cause and effect break down so i mean causes uh inspired by a person wanting to make a change or motivation or something happen and a person can pursue that and do that for a this is a this is more on the negative side of thinking but it's still a example of it doesn't necessarily always because you said some potential parts um so the cause that they are trying to make an effect happen from doesn't sometimes amount to anything that's like not that's a very negative way of looking at it where there's also the complete opposite where a person can strive out to do something and make a change and that change will actually have a great effect um but you you can't or at least i don't look at it like that is a guarantee no well well yeah so so the question is is there an effect it's not that there's a particular effect right so like for example so i i'll just be transparent so i believe that um you know causes have effects and that effects have causes so it's been my experience generally speaking as a scientist that barring some very rare situations the laws of physics don't randomly break down okay from that perspective i agree with you right so like like even if i have a motivation or intention to do something and the thing doesn't happen that doesn't mean that my actions don't have effects it just means that the effect that i wanted was not achieved so that's different it's like kind of saying if i roll a pair of dice and i want an 11 just because i want an 11 doesn't mean that once i roll the dice they're not going to land on a particular number like once i roll the dice the dice will land on some number so does that you with me yeah no i follow you so so just because the you know i'm not saying that you can necessarily control a particular outcome in fact the opposite but what i'm saying is that all things come from somewhere like it's impossible to get a plant without a seed and generally speaking well i mean not all plants but not all seeds will go grow into plants right so there are a number of things that can influence whether a seed winds up growing into a plant or not but once again you can look at each of those seeds and you can kind of say that like the reason for this effect is because of particular causes like if i put a seed in you know in a metal box it's not going to turn into an apple tree right because the sufficient causes are not there with me yes okay so so from that perspective completely agree with uh every cause has an effect okay so so then let me ask you this do you think your birth has antecedent causes what go into more what antecedent means so like is your birth influenced by prior causes i mean yeah okay which ones i mean i i guess just me being born sure sex like sure absolutely right and so your makeup is influenced by what i mean like the likes of the parents absolutely right now what about your parents financial situation would you consider that to be a cause that determines who you are no i i wouldn't say so really not to a specific degree where i've always been allowed to do whatever i want um and when it comes to like if i wanted to do something as in travel or uh get anything i'd have to work for that so okay it was own effort to get what i want i guess where i did have a um a more privileged side at least on my mom's side um but i don't think money has i mean it has shown me more potentials in the world so on that aspect yes where i've been given more opportunities to see stuff and that gathers inspiration to and motivation to do over things but i don't think money is fully the influence yeah yeah but but i i i i think you're actually i i didn't answer the question i i didn't ask the question clearly but your answer implies to me that that that and that the answer is yes so let me put it this way you know part of who you are today is because of your genetics part of who you are today is the financial situation that your parents brought you up in yes right so so if you're i'm not saying that you're money-oriented or that or anything i'm not making a particular claim about how the dice landed all i'm saying is that there are a number of things that kind of influence and drive into who you are in this moment and so some of that is genetics right so those are some aspects of your being that are essentially determined before you were born fair mm-hmm and then there are all these other like nurture aspects but those in turn are determined by like your parents because your parents have a slew of experiences and then they share certain principles or values with you and those in turn are like built on their own experiences which in turn are influenced by their genetics and their upbringing and on and on and on make sense yes okay so then the question is like okay so like you are what you are and then the question is like what do you do with the seed that you're given and so this is where i'm gonna make a claim so so far i feel like i've been on pretty standard footing or pretty solid foundation and i feel like if you disagreed i could you know make a convincing argument whether i can bring you around to it or not is a different story now i'm gonna go out on a limb okay so this is where like i'm on shaky ground so it's been my experience that from a call so this is where like now we get into sort of the spirituality or the religious aspect of it where it becomes harder to elucidate logically although in my experience if you spend enough time and energy exploring it you'll come to this conclusion so there's like this idea of like good karma and bad karma which i think is actually false there's no such thing as good karma and bad karma karma is just karma energy is just energy and cause and effect is just cause and effect it's we as human beings who apply our own value system onto karma so it is because we desire particular effects that we say that something is better than something else with me so far yes okay and so what i'm going to say though is that like it's been my experience that people who are born with a good seed can go one of two directions they either use that seed for themselves or they use that seed for others what do you think about this yeah i mean i i agree is it's just up to the motivation of that person and the how much effort they want to put into it yep and so i think so i think part of the reason that you did you got this seed is because of your past karma and i think that you've got an interesting choice because i think if you go the route that you were talking about in terms of like learning lots of skills and doing cool stuff and traveling the world i think your life will be a little bit of a waste okay that's a provocative statement how do you how do you feel about that in in some senses it's like if i i feel like people in general have um a talent and they you can do something to make a little bit of a difference or a massive difference depending on things that you put yourself out to do and some people are going to be better at that some people can contribute a lot to the uh i guess society or um i'm just gonna use society there's obviously a bunch of words or different types of things i could describe um and while that is true i feel like learning a bunch of different skills and applying it and not necessarily just like a make a difference to the world um is a needed or not i needed isn't the correct word is uh i don't want to be for example a politician um i don't want to be a a pub like i don't know a public speaker or a motivator i guess so well that i i could be i guess it's uh it's hard for me to [Music] say like is that what you're telling me to do is that no i'm not telling you to do any of those things i'm also not telling you to become a doctor or anything like that so here's here's i think what i'm telling you is is really just to introduce this concept because i think for i think you should do everything that you have said but i think that i'm just kind of introducing the idea that you know you've got a really good rng and so like the world is going to like you you you basically have a fork in the road of like your life right you can live a life where you tend to focus on yourself or you can live a life where you improve the lives of others now i'm not saying that those two are mutually exclusive i'm not saying that becoming a pastry chef won't be the way in which you give back to other people i don't think it looks like anything particular what i'm really trying to do here and this is hard um a five up is that i'm trying to get you to think about things because i don't know if you've quite been exposed to some of these concepts and that's really the goal is like i think it's like i think if you want to travel the world you absolutely should if you want to focus on yourself for a while that's actually totally fine too but i i think that when when i ask you you know what do you want it's essentially to kind of you're kind of saying i want to do what i feel like which is a very good goal but at some point having seen people who are somewhat like you and who are also very accomplished they tend to find that their life starts to become like relatively empty at some point and so what i'm trying to do is actually since based on our karma i have the opportunity to talk to you when you're 21 i've talked to you when you are 30 and i've talked to you when you're like 45 and i can tell you where you're gonna end up with a lot of confidence because i've talked to people who are you when they're 30 years old and they've built a company that's worth 20 million dollars and sold it and i've talked to you when you were 45 years old who built companies that are worth a billion dollars insulted and and i just want to introduce the concept because i don't think you have a good so it's not that you don't have you have a good internal compass but but i i think you could really benefit from experiences and a system of knowledge that is sort of like hard uh does doesn't apply to most people which is essentially like some of these like uh eastern texts on spirituality and sort of the nature of happiness and stuff like that because as i said before i think you're spiritually gifted so you have a natural degree of a certain amount of detachment you also like tend to operate in terms of accomplishment like relatively effortlessly like it seems like if you really want to do something like you said you know when you were in fifth grade you would do all your homework at the beginning of the week and it doesn't sound like anyone sat you down to try to do that yeah right which if you think about our audience especially our audience at healthy gamer people would kill for that they work their entire they spend years of their life trying to get themselves to do things do things like do their work on monday and then be free the rest of the week and instead what they do is they like procrastinate and suffer and push it back and play games for five days and then like panic on friday and it's the same amount of effort it's just one is relatively like fun and effortless and then like the other is like fraught with anxiety procrastination and shame and and so i don't even it's kind of weird five up because i i kind of feel like you need to just like i think if you study eastern spirituality and i don't mean from an academic sense i mean in the way that you study things which is like very very practically then i think you'll learn a lot about yourself and like what you should do with your life okay oh i should get that done just so i don't forget something i can always look back to eastern spirituality sure i'll send you more concrete recommendations after the talk if you could that'd be very nice yep i have a couple of things particularly in mind right thank you um what do you think about this conversation um it's a little bit intimidating i think is a good way to put how i'm feeling where i get what you mean uh i think i have a better understanding of what you meant by i was a waste i guess or it would be a potential waste um more so now after you went into that side what's intimidating about the conversation hmm [Music] the i guess everything that goes into um doing something very large yeah so this is exactly what you need to learn man it doesn't have to be large right so like you could become a pastry chef and you could run a little bakery in some small town in europe and that can be actually completely sufficient it could be perfect right like like if if what you devote yourself to is making delicious pastries that enrich the lives of people and like that's what you put all of your focus into i think it's fine i don't think you have to you know do something grand you don't have to save the world it's just about and this is what's so hard to explain five up is it's not about the outward action forget about the outward action it's about what's going on on the inside it's about what your intention is and what your mindset is it's about like you know that internal compass that drives you to act the action stuff you've gotten taken care of like that's not a big deal and so the manifestation i think is is actually somewhat irrelevant i mean it's not irrelevant but you'll figure out what that is the point is like what what is on the inside right like what do you what do you like when you wake up and you because you're it's kind of interesting because you're halfway there so so you know what's your intention when you start to bake something um i think you might be focusing on the baking side a little bit much as in that that's just a uh i guess a goal or not a goal just a a potential pursuit where at some point i think it'd be fun to do that and then after that i would pursue something else after i was finished with that whether that be um i mean i guess another goal is be trilingual um just i i don't want to only focus on one thing five up i i'm i'm not focusing on i'm just using it as a placeholder because i don't know what else to say okay right so so my point is that it doesn't matter whether you're a teacher a doctor a streamer or a baker that's my whole point is that like i think this i know this is kind of hard to understand but your battles are going to be internal they're not going to be external does that make sense yeah so like i don't care what it looks like that's why i'm saying you don't have to like start something grand like forget about the outside world right because like that [ __ ] is like you know you started streaming three months ago and you have five to ten thousand concurrence were you in the right place at the right time sure did you cultivate it absolutely i think i like 70 percent understand you and i i feel bad that i don't fully what do you what do you see like it's it's interesting to hear how self-aware you are right like you have a good understanding of you kind of say that this is intimidating fair and yet you're able to tolerate it you're able to gauge what you understand and what you don't understand so tell me what you do understand and tell me what you don't understand i think i get at what you're trying to i guess let me know or like try and open another perspective on it um the the thing that i'm i i guess struggling is when when you respond with like the the you were just using the the baking thing as an example and you're more trying to like open up like what do i want to do internally i guess um or the the internal side of it it's like in my mind at least when i say like i want to do what i want that's like already somewhat the internal stuff of i'm not just going to lay about do like i'm going to do stuff i guess um and whether how easy or how hard or how that makes me feel like i'm going to do stuff that'll be challenging to me i'm going to do stuff that's easy and fun um so that's why i guess i'm confused when you said like or why why i'm not gathering when you're saying that i'm not fully there it's a it's a it's a good 0.5 up and if anything the deficiency is on is on my end because what i'm doing is telling you i'm trying to i'm being unfair with you because what i'm doing is injecting conversations that i've had like i said with 30 year old you and 45 year old you to attempt to guide 21 year old you and the problem is that 21 year old you hasn't had that degree of experience so it's like kind of confusing it's probably a mistake on my part but let me put it this way so let me ask you this okay so so let's say you were talking to a streamer who had just blown up but the streamer is concerned that their stream has a certain amount like a certain lifespan to it right they're like i stream this particular game it's really popular right now and i don't know what comes next what would you say to them okay that makes more sense now if the streamer is worried pretty much what you're doing is the streamer's worried about the lifespan you give them um the nudge of like what they can do um ways to either help sustain it or what they can do after that or what they've created i guess um or other things to do in the solution behind it okay and are you doing that stuff oh yeah i mean yeah i'm i'm doing a mixture of i so is this relating back to myself as like giving self advice or like what i'm doing currently so i'm just saying like so so here's okay this is tough five okay so let me let me start with this so like you say you're terrified of what's gonna happen after among us right i don't think you're actually that worried about it um i i there is a degree of worry where sure it's not like i don't think i'm gonna go from ten thousand to zero i don't think that will be a thing because that doesn't make sense in terms of where things are but there is the um i guess the the self-conscious aspect of i know a lot of people watch me because i'm good at the game and it's i tend not to like think about numbers um but when you compare like among us to let's say i stream a different game it's hard to i mean that is like there's a there's a jump now i've taken this step in trying to i guess introduce people to more sides of what i do but it's still a very big intimidation or an intimidation i keep saying that word it it's daunting i guess yeah so if you went from ten thousand to zero five up how would you feel about that i'd feel pretty sad about it um not relating to like damn i really want to be a streamer and in sex that i killed my stream it'd be more like wow i guess people didn't find me entertaining and really only watch me for this that make me feel sad and where would you be a year from then um if streaming died completely youtube died completely i would probably pursue a degree in denmark from some stuff that i've earned from streaming and try and pursue uh education from their kids i mean this is a goal that i've wanted to move to denmark for a very long time and so i would use what i've gotten from streaming to help me with uh getting there as a goal and whether it be so like this is kind of my point right so man this is so hard i'm i'm sorry five up i i may i may need to take another crack at you later but so like this is my point so like if your streaming career ended in dumpster fire i think you would be fine in a year i think you would continue moving along the goals that you've set for yourself yeah okay if your streaming career was successful i think you'd do the same thing like here's what i think you think about your streaming career and when i make statements like this i i'm i'm giving you an opportunity to tell me that i'm wrong okay so i don't want you to like by all means say you have no idea what you're talking about dr k so like here's like i think that you recognize that you have an opportunity and you're going to make the most of this opportunity and something of your identity and your ego is kind of getting confused because i think you had a pretty clear sense of who you were before this whole thing happened and that this streaming thing is like kind of a weird stress or pressure where you still have a pretty good sense of your identity but it's starting to get maybe a little bit muddy and then like at the end of the day like your compass is your compass and if you have a good opportunity you're gonna take advantage of it and you're gonna make the most of it and you're gonna try to make it do what you can out of streaming because it's like it'd be dumb if you didn't but i don't hear that you're caught up in the idea of being a streamer i don't hear that it's actually important to it's just a means to an end yeah the way i've looked at streaming is i've always decided like like i said in the beginning i wasn't i didn't have the intention of being a streamer it just sort of happened and i told people in the beginning um i'm going to stream if people want to watch me and be a means of entertainment um and then maybe form a nice community about it and then if people didn't watch me then i would go on about it so while i am saying that from where i am now going from a big number to zero is daunting it's it's that wasn't the this hasn't been something that i've like worked my whole life towards i guess like a lot of people it's their aspiration and their like life's desire to be a streamer um where i just didn't go through that i don't have the attachment of trying to like i guess make this work like other people have it just sort of happened and here i am right so so okay i don't even know what i'm trying to say at this point let me just think about this for a second do you have questions five up that would probably focus my mind a lot um give me a second let me think i thought i'm on the spot it's hard to think of a question um it's okay um i guess what do you what do you do because you you have a lot of influence especially for what you provide and especially being a doctor or therapist or um this means like what do you do with the amount of influence that you have and how do you like fully control it because i think you you do a very good job at helping people and educating the public and making people have a better mindset uh or way of thinking and it's very hard for me to even realize the influence because it's also new i don't know how to control it that's like i guess i got into a big drama in the middle of me streaming i guess with xqc for example um what happened uh so i guess during an among us lobby um i had the intention of going to a specific group but i saw one group was forming uh like a lot earlier so i was gonna play in that group uh and then swap to the other group when that time frame happened this group happened to be the the prior group the early one that i was going to swallow through later was the one with felix and then um how much do you know about among us i played it once played it once okay for like an hour and a half gotcha let's just say i am you you've spoken to me for like an hour or so now i think you probably gathered that i'm like heavily logical thinker that side um i will try and have a conversation and try and like provide my side of it and that might come off as arrogant because i think at least from the logical side and i have a giant amount of experience when it comes to deception based games because i've played do you know what mafia is for example yeah okay i've played mafia in a hyper competitive scenario or hyper-competitive environment for like five years so like that was just that trained me for among us i guess for the the social side um and then mechanics from i guess league transfer over or i guess games so it i people deemed me as a very good player i guess um in among us interesting karma there huh yeah um so when i go at it versus felix it was like just the clash of he i guess intentions of how to play the game where in the old game um you used to be able to confirm if a person is imposter or a crewmate just by looking at the taskbar at the top and i felt that defeated the the purpose of the game in general because it's no longer a social deduction game it's more just i'm going to look at a person do this and the game mechanics instantly confirms who all the imposters are and who all their criminals are i as a person who is intention is like string me the game for entertainment um my goal is like for all the streamers to have fun in the audience to have fun because there's what like 200 000 people watching uh across all the streamers so when that happened and i just i'm known as like one of the best imposters in the game in general uh that causes me to get voted out consistently it doesn't matter if i'm good or bad um and that got heavily on my nerves and he got he gets hyper competitive um so eventually just left me to leaving the lobby after a few scenarios where i call him and posture explain why and then he's i guess [ __ ] talking and it was a consistent thing where that entire uh thing annoyed me and um i eventually just left he said a bunch of things uh and continue to speak about it after i even left i said my piece of what i thought of the situation that heavily blew up um on live stream fails got on to like random gaming web articles was on snapchat and just caused like a really really shitty dynamic what does that mean shitty dynamic where if you do anything wrong text you see his chat will brigade you um and that is what like people only knew me for for a month and was like it feels awkward uh it felt awkward for a while it's like i can't play in the game with him and because you're gonna get brigaded by his chat uh well it's not like people were on my side and now you have uh his chat defending him but everyone else [ __ ] on him and then it's like if i play in a lobby with him there's going to be no matter what me versus him um and i like i among this is 10 people and i want to play with my friends but he also plays with my friends um so it was just that whole situation was really bad so how does that make you feel well it made me feel bad i didn't like that at all what did you feel bad about um there were two things one i am a hyper competitive person also so i understand that but i have never been one to rage um but i'm very understanding of like who xqc is and why he's like that and i didn't find it like i i didn't want there to be a rift or a weird dynamic but i knew the chat would cause it so if it was just like if me and him were it was just like a one-on-one or just playing with friends it wouldn't matter um we would just both move on and it'd be fine but because there is a bunch of other people talking about it looking about it causing a bunch of trouble he got tons of hate for it um because everyone made him look out to be like this the worst guy in the world uh and i felt bad about that and i mean train talked to me about like how the bigger streamer pretty much no matter what gets the fault just because of the audience um and that's not necessarily true for everything but the more people you have the more people there are to [ __ ] on you and so there was the combination of i don't think i was in the wrong yet i also feel bad about the situation that happened and that's also why i wanted like how do i control an audience because i don't want that to happen again okay so um my answer is going to be somewhat disappointing but you don't right so like let's just talk about what you're saying so how do you control the behavior i i mean i'm going to give you a more satisfying answer in a second but the short answer and it's really important to understand this is that you don't right like i can't control toxicity like i don't control what someone else does like i can't control what someone else does now there are a lot of practical things that will people will tell you that you can sort of cultivate a particular kind of chat and we work very hard to do that so you can have you know mods that have low tolerance towards certain kinds of behaviors and things like that for sure they're practical things but in in the essence of it i want you five up to take a step back from like controlling another human being and now you may not agree with that because i i think you probably are really good at hurting other people i i said heard h-e-r i i heard i probably probably right so i i think you're good at that but like be really really careful about what you actually expect from yourself and just because you tend to be pretty good at like hurting other people into doing what you want to doesn't mean that you can actually control them and the bizarre thing is i think that it's the understanding that you can't control someone that in and of itself is one of the most useful things in influencing them because once you acknowledge that you can't control another person once you seed that power over to your audience you also can kind of like influence them in the purest way which is to like give them an offer so what i try to do is is cultivate a particular like attitude and i model particular behavior and with a lot of help from mods we sort of encourage a certain we cultivate right so you can't control someone but you can absol absolutely cultivate behavior it's the difference between control and cultivation yeah i i didn't want to say con control i guess like that's not how i felt about i don't want to control people it's i guess influence is the better word yeah so so so and i think you use the word influence actually in your question and and so i just want to kind of maybe i'm belaboring a useless point but so then the next thing is that i i think like you can just model write the appropriate behavior and and so i mean i think that's the most that you can do but frankly this sounds to me like a hazard of like being a streamer on twitch right because you've got a community and he's got a community and y'all are gonna get into it it sounds to me like you're choosing your words very comparably uh carefully because you said the word competitive like 15 times and it sounded to me like that was code for something else um but i i mean it i i mean i haven't figured out how to avoid twitch drama if that if that's your end if that's what your real question is um yeah i mean they're uh for for me uh i i am carefully saying what i say um yeah i can tell just i i don't i don't want to get into a situation like that pretty much ever again i don't want to say something that wouldn't or like give people a wrong impression or i'll try to correct that wrong impression as soon as i think i might have given it um but but i i think five up so maybe here i can give you some concrete advice and then i'll try to i'll try to like circle back to what on earth i was trying to say for the last hour um but let me say this so i think when you choose your words very very carefully i think people can tell and i think if anything it highlights like something weird right so so i think sometimes being transparent and authentic and kind of accepting of things is actually like way better from a drama reduction standpoint than being like choosing your words super carefully i feel like that's hard to do because it is hard to do so so like i think like for example if i if i had to say if i was in your situation here's how i would tell the story so felix and i were in an among us game we're both [ __ ] competitive he got super [ __ ] toxic i got super [ __ ] toxic i thought i was less toxic than he was we got into it our chats started yelling at each other now the internet hates him and his chat hates me and i like felix and i want to be able to play with him but it's [ __ ] awkward every time we're in the lobby now and i just want to be able to play the game and i think he just wants to be able to play the game and i wish everyone would [ __ ] come calm the [ __ ] down there's the there's the side of me also that it's like i have my opinions um i don't think what i said was wrong and i don't think what i said was toxic and i will die on that hill um so it's like it's a god there's the attachment so so it's a matter of like i'm not going to just not give out my opinion um and if i say something i mean everything i say generally i'm not a toxic person and i've never been so that's why that situation bothered me heavily yeah so so i think it's taken us about an hour and a half to find which hail you're willing to die on because that's an attachment i haven't detected an attachment in you 5 up until this moment everything that you've said so now now the question is like why is it so important for you to die on that hill um [Music] i i guess just because i believe what i'm saying and if if something's bothering me i will try and say it in a more respectful way i don't want to like burn bridges with anyone i don't want to um i don't want to teach people from like if i'm in front of people i want to like give them it's okay that you don't have to accept an apology or you don't have to say you're sorry i wanted to say um i i want to stand for what i believe in and if what i think is right i'm going to say that i'm not going to say no i'm wrong like that's not how i want to think about things yeah so so i i oddly enough i i think that's okay so i think it's okay to die on a hill but let me just so i still think you can be transparent about that um there's a degree of transparency that you can go to where it you can have an opinion about something on twitch or another person and it's not good to say that sometimes like sure some people say whatever the [ __ ] they want and go for it i mean that's fine uh but i also don't think that's like a good environment at the same time for like having a relationship with people and if you're no matter what going to be in contact with uh x person um whether that's like in your control or not just because of the nature so uh community and such let me be let me be let me circle back to your original question five up so you said you know what like how do you influence people like in twitch chat and my answer was i would be a little bit more transparent than your being so that's my answer right so like like i agree with you i mean i have all kinds of opinions that i don't share so for everything that i say there are like nine things that i don't say so i'm not advocating for like radical honesty i think that's idiotic so i i think but something tells me that you know something about the way that you speak i think twitch chat so twitch chat is like very very like intuitive like they're very smart and they're also like deeply empathic and i think they sniff out bs and i think one thing that you do project when you choose your words very very carefully is it sets people's bs meter off and and so if you want to like calm chat down it's been my experience that you have to be like honest with them and you have to sort of treat them with respect like don't try to pull a fast one over on them because it's not gonna work and just you know just and then like if there's something that you stand behind i think it's okay to say it um and but at the same time if you feel like it's going to create more drama then it's a tricky balance like don't get me wrong i i i think that you know it's hard like when you're when you when you play at a tension-inducing game like among us with streamers and not everyone is going to be quite as like detached as you are it's part of what makes them successful right is being emotionally invested in the games that they play like i think this is gonna happen yeah um that's not my my i could say this also um with what i said with regarding xqc in that moment i would say the same thing again i don't have regrets on that um if that arose again uh with a different person i would say my opinion on it um what actually happened i i don't even know i'm saying that oh what happened was i in the for when that whole situation happened he just every time i played with him he would vote me out as in he they call button nobody's dead and still vote me out that was how the game was played and i sat through that um for two hours on a specific day on other days i enjoyed hopefully playing with him but on that day it was just uh like already being tilted just going into it where i have everything uh going for me in a game and then i just get voted out because it was me and it was always him doing it and that got on my nerves and then whenever i call him out it's like he called me like it just discredited everything i said and eventually it left me to leave the lobby i left politely i there's there's a video on it i mean i i try to make things as peaceful as an exit as i could and it's just because i left on me catching him and just the whole situation going down horribly and then me saying it after and then that exploding and then i don't want to say some stuff i'd be fine messaging you some stuff but i don't want to say some stuff that's fine and i just i was just like you're talking around something and i don't know yes there is something i'm talking around and i can't say it that's fine don't worry about it i mean i i think at the end of the day like so your original question so it sounds like this was just a mess yeah it was it was a disaster definitely so um but that's not my main worry that was that was a a battle between him and that's over with we've spoken it's fine um my thing with twitch has there is such a juxtaposition between i don't try and hide stuff um i'm i'm being selective what i say right now because it's related to this specific topic if i'm talking about like it seems like chat as a whole it doesn't matter how like i'm playing with friends when i play right now it's i genuinely enjoy love everyone that i play with right now um but if they do something stupid it's everyone just in insane um toxicity towards that streamer and it's the juxtaposition of like why why is that happening when there's like no hostility in the game in general someone made a mistake it's a game about deception and i can't i i just don't know why that's happening and it's so many people and i it's virtually impossible to control okay so i mean that i have sort of a slightly different answer for so you know i went off on i feel like this conversation has been a lot of tangents that i'm going off on that may not be very relevant to what we're actually talking about or where you are so i apologize for that but i'll share with you something that we try to tell our coaches um which is that be careful about judging your own influence and what i mean by that is that we frequently have the situation where our coaches feel like they get like they're like i'm not doing enough for my client like my client is still struggling like they're depressed every day or like they're having trouble finding a girlfriend or whatever and our coaches meet with people on a weekly basis weekly basis and they kind of meet with them week after week after week and it sort of feels like since the person doesn't have a girlfriend our coaches can feel very frust not frustrated but really um like they're letting down their client so one of the things that we try to tell them is that you know be careful because change happens slowly and it's very very hard to judge your impact on something in a short term so what i would say to you actually five up is that like you know if people respond to someone making a mistake with toxicity you can model the right kind of behavior and if you chip away at that long enough you'll start to see a change the other thing i mean you can even use some particular techniques if you really want to get into it but you can help people understand their toxicity and it can be as simple as like hey everyone is jumping down xqc's throat right now or my throat it's hard for yourself but if someone you know if someone makes a mistake and everyone jumps on them you can ask people hey i'm noticing that a lot of people are jumping down this person's throat you know what's going on there you can ask an open-ended question or you can even pull a dr k and ask like how do you guys feel about this person making a mistake and then as you bring attention and awareness to the behavior it tends to get better like once people realize what they're doing that they're actually channeling their frustration out on someone else and if you can bring attention to it it'll kind of slow down okay i mean i feel like i've done at least that to a degree and i try to as much as possible it just doesn't feel like the the result is much i guess right so that's where you have to think a little bit about what is your when you say the result doesn't it doesn't feel like the result as much so that you have to pay attention to like how calibrated that instrument is and what are your expectations right so what's your ability to detect change in in an among us game are you expecting that patterns that have been reinforced through years of gaming and blaming other people because that's what games tend to make us do are gonna be wiped away by one comment or a dozen comments or comments over the course of three months no obviously not well i i i don't know right so what's your expectation on like what would change look like like what are you looking for um i just don't want like my ideal world i guess is if someone makes a mistake in the game um whether i mean so hofu is the main person i play with um became really really good friends with her um i guess they're among us and there is so much blatant i guess sexism um like if she does something that like she catches me in a lie or um or someone makes a dumb play in that lobby then the chat will just go like rampant like pure rampage on like i hate this person they caught like it's people are so invested into what happens towards me in a game where i understand what the game's about but even when i try to like i defend people 24 7 i guess and that's the biggest like i don't it's hard to control that okay is there some way to observe an among us game i mean watching a stream i guess or what do you mean by like are you guys on a discord call or like how does that work we are on discord yes so like everyone who's in the game is on discord yes so we play the round we're all muted and then when a body is found we all mute and talk in the meeting and there's no looking at chat during the game because people will say spoilers so i can't control my chat while i'm alive in the game unless i'm an imposter so if i'm a crewmate like it's all mod's responsibility um can i can i actually watch this like can i sit in a discord call with you guys one day sure i don't want to actually play the game is there is there like an observer position in the game you would have to watch a stream there's no spectator there's no spectator okay i'm just a little bit curious now i find myself being curious about what y'all's actual interactions look like it's anyway so that that's one thought um because i i feel like if you wanted more advice about how to handle that it's just such a unique environment that i don't know i feel like me just watching it once i'd actually be able to answer your question way better okay um because i played like i said i played among us once and and like it was like with our community and like our communities like super healthy like everyone cares about each other and [ __ ] so i feel like i didn't even i haven't been i haven't seen this world that you're talking about i've been in the kiddie pool and you guys are like swimming in the english channel and it's just not it's not the same at all um yeah just watch any um among the stream where someone gets caught i guess so just the reactions five up i wanna if it's okay with you i wanna try to circle back and like share something with you in a sensical way before we wrap up is that cool sure so a lot of people have been asking um you know i kind of early on i sort of said that i think like you're you're spiritually gifted and people are kind of confused by what that means i'm sure you're confused by what that means so that that's kind of like i just want to address that for a second and do something that i i do kind of rarely which is like advise you so five up so it seems to me like you know like i kind of said earlier you were born with good rng so you have a certain kind of like mind so it sounds like you're intelligent um it sounds like you grew up you know i'm not hearing any any inkling of like abuse or anything like that although maybe it's just really really well hidden um but i'm not hearing that you struggle with any negative emotions or not when i say it's not that you don't have negative emotions it seems like you're pretty good at like kind of processing with them processing them dealing with them things like that and when i kind of ask you like okay what are you going to do in your life and it sounds like you've got a strong internal compass that sort of is like yeah college is not actually something that i need to do so i'm not going to do it i'm not hearing i mean this could be there but you know i'm not hearing um that you in high school were thought that you should go to a place like harvard or yale or whatever stanford and that you were afraid that you wouldn't get in so you like decided not to apply at all i'm not getting that whiff um did you have those kinds of thoughts or feelings um there's a there's a big element of comparing myself to my brother where uh i i we didn't dive too far into this i guess for the school my brother was a complete straight a like beyond honor student um and then because of the the situations that i learned from like the first eight years of school i guess where it didn't matter like it felt like uh my perception of school was they all taught at least the school that i went to um i live in arizona the way the school systems work here is they pay the teachers based off of the grades people get not just for the students so a lot of the teachers would inflate people's grades just so they get better pay also so it i realized that i was all teaching to the test and not necessarily teaching people and i heavily disagreed with that and it made me lose a heavy interest in school so it was here's my brother getting perfect grades working hard because he he knew what he wanted to do that required stuff like really good grades to get in and then i just had a complete loss of interest in all that because of how the system worked so it wasn't necessarily that i got good grades um but it was like here i am not necessarily doing the best in school but that's off my own volition but here's my brother doing the best and it's like well i mean i there is the pressure from family to do very well so not necessarily like harvard but there is good school um they're like you know probably should go to that potentially okay so maybe maybe i i i've misjudged this i don't think i'm entirely wrong but that sounds way more of sometimes what happens so maybe that's worth you know exploring a little bit further unfortunately i i have to get going in a few minutes but you know it may be far more pedestrian than than i thought um in terms of just you know standard comparison and stuff and i apologize for not exploring that with you i think that was also my fault for not like going to that degree because that's definitely important yeah so but let's kind of just circle back to this idea of like spiritually gifted because i still think that that's true so so then then i think the next thing to kind of think about is that like you seem to have you know streaming success kind of dumped in your lap like you sort of fell into it um and you're kind of like focusing on like fun for now and things like that and and you're kind of like okay what am i going to do that will give me more freedom what am i going to do that i enjoy and it seems to me like you kind of just put those together and like you know you move in the direction that is good for your like long-term security and that is like enjoyable i'm not hearing you as the kind of person who will like sacrifice eight years of your life to become a doctor if you don't enjoy doing that right and and so the other interesting thing is that i i do think you you genuinely have a fair amount of detachment and what i mean by that is that if your streaming career tanked in a year i think you would be okay with that you'd sort of be sad because you recognized that you maybe had an opportunity that you missed or you squandered something or something along those lines maybe you screwed up in some way and so you'd be kind of sad about that but you'd also be like relatively calculating and sort of think about okay how could i do it better next time but overall i'm getting the sense that you're going to be okay and here's here's what i'm i would tell you five up the first thing is that if at some point you feel directionless you know i do think that there is a system of exploration of the self and the meaning of life and things like that which i think may be interesting to you and hopefully helpful which is sort of like this eastern perspective on like life and and karma and things like that i'm not trying to you know say like you don't have to it's not about religion it's just about um when i think about religion i tend to think about like belief systems and sort of like you know faith and things like that it's really more um an exploration of like how stuff works it's about understanding what are the different way like why are we here like how does this stuff work what should i do with my life what is the nature of happiness where does happiness come from where does desire come from you strike me as someone who would really really enjoy and probably benefit from some amount of formal instruction and this kind of stuff because i think you figure a lot of this stuff out on your own and all i'm telling you is that you know you may like it's kind of like you're working through the laws of physics on your own and it's like hey by the way there's a physics textbook you can read which you should still question um you know and by all means you should question it's a big part of it but i think that you know you may find a lot of value in that because i i think that a lot of the common wisdom may not apply to you because i think you're different five up um and for people that i've i've met who are sort of like you they tend to find a lot of solace and direction in some of these texts the next thing that i would say to you is that i think that you're gonna sort of gradually feel empty if you continue this path for a long time i don't think you should deviate from it now but what i mean is that right now you're sort of leaning towards the next strategically best thing that fills you with the most enjoyment from day to day the thing that challenges you the most the thing that gives you a sense of mastery and you're gonna do that right like you said you're gonna do baking for a little while and then like don't get too caught up in baking because i'm gonna move on to something agree you're gonna learn three languages you're gonna learn how to bake you're gonna stream some and then you'll get to be 25 and then you'll get to be 30 and you'll get to be 35 and you'll have accumulated a lot of skills and then that process and this is the real point that i've been trying to make that process of chasing after one thing at a time until you sort of master it and move on is gonna start to feel empty does that make sense yeah it makes a lot of sense and that's why i'm telling you like i've talked to you when you're 30 and i've talked to you when you're 45 and that's what i've seen from people like you and then ultimately what brings these people happiness is like us a stark and difficult exploration that's entirely internal and if you have questions about that or if at some point you feel directionless or you feel like you have difficulty you know and you don't know what to do with your life like you know shoot me a dm because i i may be able to give you some concrete recommendations at that time all right i'll remember that is that no yeah that makes sense okay that's basically what i was trying because i i think like you can't live normal people's lives if you're not a normal person and i i think you've already figured that out um and there may be some stuff around comparison and ego and and not being able to live up to expectations and stuff but at the end of the day you know i think you can keep on doing what you're doing but you'll move from one thing to the next to the next to the next and you may feel accomplished and you may feel like you're progressing but it'll start to feel empty is my guess yeah i can i mean that is a worry um that i've had so i thought about that a little bit um so i i definitely know what you're saying but but i i would also say that there's no it's worth it for you to go down that road so you feel that worry very genuinely i don't know i'm not saying you should avoid that is what i'm saying no i mean i i'm definitely still going to pursue a lot of my goals yeah yeah i think you should absolutely any last questions for me five up um not so much question but more of like a thank you for talking to me i guess not having the time yeah of course man i i you know i feel like i kind of owe you an apology because i'm not sure how helpful this was and i i really do try to help people but i don't know maybe it's not having the cam i'm not quite sure no i mean i think it was if anything like no matter how helpful it was i mean talking to a person is also nice about the things and advice about it from a different perspective it's always really good yeah i feel like i have i have a karmic debt that needs to be paid in this conversation i feel like what i'm supposed to give you i haven't given you yet hmm um i think you i think you have to a very big degree but also i don't think i've given you the means to like i don't think i know what i need to give to help you also i guess possible i i don't need um just to clarify i don't need you to it's just a feeling i'm sharing with you okay it's not a particular response i'm looking for but you know yeah i was just letting you know maybe we can talk more about your brother sure um so listen thank you very much and are you interested in learning meditation five up um sure i mean i've yeah what am i going to teach you have you have you watched our have you learned alternate nostril breathing i don't think so actually we're gonna do a different one for you um okay give me a second okay so i'm gonna do something a little bit different for you okay i want you to close your eyes okay and listen to the sound of your breath can you hear it and so what i want you to do is phonetically spell out the sound of the breath that's hard so can you give me anything give me a bad answer before a good one can we say it out loud sure whatever you've got whatever you whatever you can think of i think it's like inhaling is a lot of like s's and exhaling is a lot of h's okay good so practice it for a couple of weeks and then let me know and just see if you can figure it out okay okay that's difficult all right yeah so it requires it requires practice and it requires you focusing your attention on something relatively internal but i i think for definitely for you five up you want well i mean you can learn formal meditation at some point but i think an investigative technique is definitely the way for you to start okay any last thoughts or questions before you wrap up good answer by the way you're on the right track okay um i don't i don't think i have a question that comes to mind right now uh anything from your side i guess nope that's all right yeah take care all right well thank you for having me thanks for coming on five up and i i really do want to watch one of y'all's uh among us streams now yeah we usually play at um 8 p.m pst or it's not 8 pm 8 am pst uh go all the way until like generally 2 p.m or not 2 p.m 1 okay p.m and sometimes we do night streams okay cool sounds good all right take care man i'll get some thank you too bye bye all right chad ours sorry about that i i don't know what was going on i don't know if it was me or him or not the face or what but i felt like i was kind of off my game today

Channel: HealthyGamerGG

Views: 183,570

Rating: 4.9467049 out of 5

Keywords: mental health, drk, dr kanojia, healthygamergg, healthy gamer gg, twitch, psychiatrist, 5up, 5up face reveal, 5up xqc, 5up among us, 5up xqc drama, among us 5up, emotional detachment, finding your dharma, is karma real, among us, among us imposter, 5up twitch, twitch streamer

Id: 0dj-GwR5T88

Length: 114min 44sec (6884 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 17 2020