The Full Story Of The Contest | Seinfeld

I dated Mr Seinfeld for several weeks in the Autumn of 1992. then in the evening of October 28th there was an Abrupt end of that relationship tell us what happened it's rather difficult to talk about it's all right take your time well I became aware of a a what yeah yes a contest contest yes what was the nature of the contest oh please I can't it's okay the four of them made a wager to see if they could yes to see who could go the longest without gratifying themselves my mother caught me caught you doing what you know I was alone you mean she got you where I stopped by the house to drop the car off and I went inside for a few minutes nobody was there they're supposed to be working my mother had a glamor magazine I started leaving [Applause] glamor so one thing led to another so what did she do first she screams George what are you doing my God all right I'll tell you this stuff I am never doing that again what you mean in your mother's house or all together all together no you don't think I can no chance you think you could well I know I could hold out longer than you care to make it interesting sure how much hundred dollars you're on wait a second wait a second count me in on this you yes we'll be up before we get the check thank you I want to be in on this too oh no because you're a woman so what it's easier for a woman not to do it than a man we have to do it it's part of our lifestyle it's like shaving oh that is such a baloney I shave my legs not every day all right look you want to be here yeah you got to give a shots at least two to one you got to put up two hundred dollars no a thousand now I'll put up 150. all right you're in for one fifth okay all right now how are we going to monitor this well obviously we all know each other very well I'm sure we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor System all right [Applause] I'm out thank you [Applause] what yeah I'm out of the contest you're out yeah yeah wow that was fast so was that woman across the street you know you better be careful buddy she's going to get you next [Applause] and then there were three see the guy with the dark hair and the red shorts he's gonna be in your class today in my class John Kennedy's gonna be in Michael I can get you a spot right behind him he has got a great butt yeah but but great butt Jon Jones you caved it's over you're out oh my God The Queen Is Dead I figured you'd cruise at least through the spring it was uh John John [Applause] [Music] and then there were two wheels on the bus [Music] laughs let's go in the bedroom really yes you sure yes you really want to I do I'm ready okay I know how difficult this must have been for you you don't know the half of it what do you mean no it was just a bed I mean it actually actually started with George and his mother want to hear another word I think I came to you being the one I must have been out of my mind I've never seen hands like these before they're so soft and milky white you know whose hands they remind me of Ray mckigny oh Ray he was it who was he the most Exquisite hands you've ever seen oh he had it all what happened to him tragic story I'm afraid he could have had any woman in the world but none could match the beauty of his own hand that became his one true love you mean yes he was not master of his domain [Applause] but how the muscles became so strained with overuse that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position he was left with nothing but a claw traveled the world seeking a cure acupuncturists herbalists swamis nothing helped towards the end is hands became so Frozen he was unable to manipulate utensils and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him I hadn't seen another pair of hands like Ray mckagney's until today you are his successor I only hope you have a little more self-control you don't have to worry about me I won a contest foreign [Applause] [Music] oh oh great man it was an accident I mean [Music] let me be successful [Music] can you hear me yeah there's something I have to tell you what what is it I cheated in the contest what the contest I cheated why because I'm a Jailer I had to tell you wait I won [Music]

Channel: Seinfeld

Views: 2,447,524

Keywords: seinfeld, seinfeld theme, seinfeld bloopers, jerry seinfeld, seinfeld full episodes, jerry seinfeld stand up, seinfeld the contest, seinfeld stand up, best of seinfeld, larry david, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, Wayne Knight, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg, seinfeld best moments, seinfeld man hands, Seinfeld soup, Seinfeld the race, seinfeld newman, seinfeld shrinkage, The Contest, No Nut November, The Finale, The Puffy Shirt

Id: eOF8HbagpUg

Length: 9min 24sec (564 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 19 2022