Enneagram: Levels Of Health for Type 2

hey what is up guys thank you for joining me today for our video today we're going to be looking at type 2 and we're going to be talking about the levels of health three levels of health uh we're going to be looking at it from uh this book uh bringing out the best in everyone you coach by ginger lapid bogda phd so if you are a 2 or you know a 2 or live with the 2 or trying to relate to a 2 better this would be a good video a good study for you so thank you for joining me let me begin by saying uh down in the description below is a link to my website tomlehue.com and i do offer coaching appointments um at the website and i um you know i'm happy to do it i've had a lot of uh great conversations with many of you and have enjoyed my time you know interacting and i it's amazing sorry there's been fighting a cold so you might hear that in my voice um it's amazing how much i learn from conversations you know the books and the research and videos can be really helpful no doubt but uh interacting with with people of every type and having discussions and you know is another way to learn and i really appreciate what i've learned from interacting with many of you you know some people that uh book appointments are are trying to figure out their type or their subtype or their dominant wing and most people want to know how to to be a healthier better version of themselves how to relate to the other people in their lives in a more healthy way and i think a lot of people have been helped a lot of people have been encouraged you know to be honest some of the appointments i've had i don't know that i really help people as much as i'd like to they seemed like they were pretty healthy and uh maybe i could give them a little insight here or there but then i've had other appointments where i know people uh you know it's been life-changing for them i've had them tell me that with tears in their eyes so it just kind of depends on who you are and what you need and and but i'd love to love to talk to you if you if you want to make an appointment i know there are a couple weeks out in advance but but um i i'd love to meet with you all right so let's get into this topic today um of the levels of health for type two and of course i'm married my wife tracy is a type two wing one uh the social type the uh the mature type you know the grown-up matriarch type if you're not sure what about the subtypes you can watch my video on subtypes of type 2 essentially you know there's the self-preservation which is kind of the child like cute too and then the social is the grown-up mature um matriarchal ii i don't mean that in a negative way for if you're a guy but it's just uh let me take care of you and let me you know meet your needs and the typical two i think what a lot of us think of when we think of twos very helpful uh giver and then the uh the sexual two um i kind of think of more like the the uh seductive to you or the uh don't you want to be around me uh too um so let's uh let's let's talk about levels of health like every type you know every type healthy is amazing um doesn't matter what your number is doesn't matter what your type is when you're healthy i mean you're relating to people well and uh you you you're balanced on your wings and you're moving to your uh you know your your your number of health and uh your your functioning in life but every type can have a dark side everybody every type can have you know a unhealthy uh side that's prone to move in certain ways and we wanna we wanna expose those explore those and look at them like i said i've had a lot of experience being married for almost 30 years now to a type 2. if you haven't seen my other videos of course i'm a type 7 wing 6. i'm an enfp my wife is an isfj but this is a lot bigger than just you know my wife i've worked with a lot of twos although i don't get a lot of calls from twos um you know i get uh i i would say that that i get a few but i don't i don't get an overwhelming amount of twos that are looking for for help and i i would suggest if i could just be straightforward and blunt i would suggest that maybe that is a bit of the pride showing up in the two you know the sin of the two is pride and that's hard to see at first especially for it too you know pride is one of those sins that you don't necessarily see in yourself i mean when you tell a glutton that you're a glutton uh and then you point at all the stuff they've collected around themselves and all the adventures that they've got stockpiled up that they want to do and everything that makes them happy is outside of them you know the glutton can see they're gluttony um and all the other types you know um it's hard for ones to see their anger you know it's hard for um you know some of the other types but i think that it is uniquely difficult in some ways for a two who thinks of themselves who has sort of the script of themselves as a no no no i i i just want to help i just want to give i just have all this compassion i just have all this love i just have all of this you know desire to be useful it's hard for them to wrestle with no your sin is pride because uh i don't think i don't think that that that is obvious to them um and it may not be obvious to you you might be hearing that for the first time um and say i don't i just don't see pride i don't see pride i mean i could see other things but not pride well you know at the highest level the two um according to this book i mean there's a lot of other books out there with diff but i want to stick with this one just because we got to pick one and go with it you know and just get wisdom from wherever we can uh from whatever sources we can but according to you know this author there's three levels of health and the highest level is called the humble servant okay the highest level of health for a two is the humble servant the mid-level or moderate level of health is called the friend and i would nuance that a little bit i would say the special friend uh because the two wants to be um you know the person that you're connected to that get the idea kind of like well i'm not sure you could make it without me i'm not sure you where would you be without me that you you need me to be your your special friend and then the lowest level of health that this author says of of type 2 is the manipulator so that's not a very easy thing for a two to hear i mean again it's striking against your pride and people will say to me from time to time dr tom why aren't your videos more positive you know why don't you point out more of the good side of each type because a lot of other enneagram teachers you know focus on the positive and i'm a seven you would think i would focus on the positive remember i'm the social seven the counter seven so let's go against my natural tendency to focus on the positive because it to me it's like if you can if you can see the dark side of your type then maybe you can see when the dark side shows up and you can observe that a little more and then maybe take some steps to mitigate some of those compulsions and impulses in order to improve yourself i mean what's the point of any of this if we're not using it as a tool to improve ourselves to grow closer to god and to other people and to be more compassionate with ourselves and with others and so for every type you have to name the dragon and the dragon for twos is pride and let's look at like we're going to start with the lowest level and work our way up so we're going to start with the dark side and and move to the to the light side but let's just take a second and think about that light side the humble servant okay to think of yourself as humble would be what prideful wouldn't it i'm here to serve you i don't need anything so you've got that that high ground now the one likes the moral high ground you know that i do things the right way and other people they are incompetent and they need to be told what to do and managed so the one often occupies the moral high ground and i think the two you know could in a sense occupy the relationship high ground no i'm here to help you i i i'm out of touch with my needs and what do you need from me they may not know how to really answer that question or they may feel like they're being selfish if they were to state their needs or to admit that they like everybody else had needs that need to be met or that they expect to be met and so they may come into a relationship with the idea that i'm here to take care of you well then let's flip that around how can we take care of you oh we can't we we we you don't know what to tell us to do to take care of you um and they may kind of expect us to be able to read their minds to know what they need because after all that's kind of what twos do twos lock into a relationship and they learn to read people and and and expect and project what people might need next and then move in to meet that need whether it's encouragement whether it's a kind word whether it's a flattering statement or whether it's an actual physical need whether it's to offer rest or comfort or support and twos really hone in on what people need in that given moment and i think they're a little bit bewildered that the rest of us may not do that or may not be able to do that with such with such finesse and so they could be a little bit frustrated when their needs aren't being met even though they may have a really hard time expressing those needs or even knowing exactly what those needs are they just may know that they feel unloved and uncared for and and uh disconnected and they they're looking at you like you need to be doing something to fix this and you're not even aware that maybe there's a problem because they may not be verbally directly expressing it because to express um dis discomfort or to express a need may feel selfish to the two and so they may just kind of clam up and not really share uh what's going on on the inside you're just supposed to know and when you don't know that could be maybe bewildering i think two or two because they tend to know what people need all right so let's go with the dark side the dark side let's go to the worst level of health for the two called she calls the manipulator and again i don't think a two would ever see themselves as a manipulator in fact i think they would see that other people other people are the ones that are the manipulators i'm willing after all as a too i'm willing to do so much for so many people without any thanks or without any um appreciation and people just take advantage of my goodness they take advantage of my kindness they take advantage of my support without even saying thank you without even and they're manipulating me uh manipulating my goodness manipulating my kindness manipulating my willingness and then when i have a need or when then i need somebody to shoulder me up and pick me up they're nowhere to be found and so i think it too they may at times feel like they're the ones being manipulated by others but they may be blind to the tactics and the strategies that they sometimes might employ or might be tempted to employ in order to get their needs met by others and those tactics are often covert and indirect not overt not on the surface they're beneath the surface and let's let's read what what the author says i think it you'll find it interesting okay so the core fear at the lowest level of type 2 is being unwanted being discarded and deemed intrinsically unworthy now there's the worth and value right because twos threes and fours are all in the worth and value group or the heart group or the feelings group and so twos are struggling with issues of worth and value the idea is kind of like well how do i know that i'm a person that matters how do i know i'm a person of value so the three of course they stack up all kinds of accomplishments and achievements and name brands and and all of these trinkets that they adorn themselves with and then look at me in the mirror look at how polished and and clean i am and look at the worth and value i have right but they never really get to that sense that they've finished all that they need to do in order to have that worth in value how do they know when they've achieved enough medals or enough certificates or enough awards that now they can rest from the labor you know they may never get to that sense that they've finished and accomplished enough there they have this engine driving them that's enough about threes two are fours you know they will tend to differentiate themselves away from the group um and explore ways in which they are special unique and different and then express those to others um and express their uniqueness and their difference in ways that highlight their special abilities their special gifts their special talents and again they may never feel like they ever are different enough or that people are appreciating or them enough or including them enough or understanding them enough um now back to the two so twos want to like the other two types threes and fours they want to deal with this issue of worth and value how do i how what what evidence do i give that i have the right to be alive and of course the rest of us on the enneagram who don't struggle with worth and value as much or to such a great degree we may wrestle with these thoughts occasionally but it's not certainly not a daily issue or even a weekly issue in our minds we just assume that we have value and assume that other people have value and that they bring value often regardless of what they do often regardless of what they have attained or regardless of of how they stand out and and differentiate themselves we just assume that we have worth and value that every person matters and as a christian you know that every person is created in the image of god and therefore doesn't have to do anything to prove their worth and value and always go back to the idea of walking through a nursery at a hospital none of those infants in that nursery have accomplished anything none other than being born none of them have which may be the you know the greatest thing ever but none of them have attained any awards none of them have differentiated themselves in any way but every one of them is intrinsically worth uh and valuable and regardless of anything that they've done for you or anything they've accomplished and so that doesn't go away simply because we're five years old or 10 years old or 40 years old that doesn't go away simply because we've gotten older we have intrinsic value and twos threes and fours wrestle with this and so they go about trying to in their own mind and heart meet that need for worth and value and twos meet other people's needs become pleasing to them um become needed by other people and if i'm needed by you and you find me of value and of worth and you want to be around me then that helps me shore up that doubt in my own mind that well maybe i do have value and i do have worth because you need me and you value me and you find me a person that you desire to be around well what happens when the two doesn't feel that what happens when they don't receive that information back from the people in their life particularly the people in their life that matter the most well they might start to go a little bit dark they might start to get a little bit nervous a little bit panicked okay they might start to become a little agitated and so that's what this author is getting at is their core fear at this low level is that they're not wanted is that everybody else you know is included everybody else is part of this inner circle and i'm not wanted in the middle of that circle or i'm not appreciated in the middle of that circle i'm not the special friend and so that's a very damaging thought um it may not be to a nine for example and nine might just assume that well they don't need me in the middle of the group you know i could come or go and it's fine that's not going to be near as a damaging of thought to a nine or any or maybe any of the other types as it is to a two to believe that these other people or these people that matter they could all get along without me um that could be a very dark uh place a dark thought and end up in a dark place uh if if that too uh starts to believe that okay so twos with a low self mastery can become master manipulators now what does she mean by that well she means they they could employ the use of covert strategies in order to communicate to others that they don't feel like they're being valued and appreciated like they should be she says they could use guilt blame or shame to control others and so if the idea is that if like the two starts to feel like they're not being appreciated they're not being valued they're not being cared about we're wanted in the center of that circle and people aren't relating to them in a positive way or meeting their need for worth and value then the two might start to communicate that in indirect ways such as the use of guilt you know think like the uh old grandma you know that uh well i i'm so glad that you guys finally were able to come and visit me i know it's a lot of trouble and i know that you have your busy lives and you don't have time for old grandma anymore you don't have time for old grandpa anymore and i that's fine i mean i'm just happy that you're happy and so when you attach your need even if it's indirectly i need people to interact with me and i need people everybody does everybody needs people to interact with them when god made adam in the garden he says it's not good for man to be alone and so that that need for interaction with people well rather than just state hey it's so good to see you and i hope you can come back soon because i really miss spending time with you now that's direct right that's the exact same you communicated the exact same need but you did it directly and that that will probably be appreciated by the other person they may they may not you know be able to visit you more but just that straightforward direct but you have to be willing to admit your needs to be able to do that and that sin of pride can keep a two from being able to express their needs or even being able to voice their needs they feel it's too aggressive to just come out and say i have a need or that if i have needs then then you're supposed to need me uh i'm not supposed to need you that's the way this works i'm a two i'm supposed to help you and here i am trying to voice my needs it kind of like brings up that tilt moment that this does not compute i can't express my needs because then you won't need me and if you don't need me then where does my worth and value come from and so it can be a very difficult thing for a two to look you in the eyes and say it's so good that you came and visited me i love seeing you and i need to spend more time with you i want you to come and see me again that could feel you know maybe a little too much so they may use a more covert way of communicating that like i mentioned before using guilt attaching your sense of what a good person is with meeting their needs and if you don't meet their needs then maybe you're not a good person there's the guilt it's it happens within your own mind and you can control whether or not you're gonna let yourself feel that guilt by just saying this person is trying to make me feel guilty um as a way of of you know manipulating is what it is manipulating me to their agenda and you may you may just confront them at that moment and say do you need me to come see you more often and then as soon as you point at manipulation it tends to go away because it's kind of like a magic trick it's only useful if people don't know how it's done but once you point at it you know and say are you wanting me and then just state it directly are you wanting me to do the dishes are you wanting me to cut the grass because when you point at it the hints the suggestions the the you know and it can be positive or it could be negative you know the the uh the angry face or the sad face or the um the the wagging of the head of disapproval and if you could just maybe state it out loud and say are you needing me to help you with the the whatever the is being pointed at um then that may help let's get let's just talk about this out on the table let's talk about it with words more directly helping the two learn to communicate what they need in a more direct and healthy balanced way rather than through suggestion or through covert strategies is the idea okay so when twos fall into psychological despair they then try to make the other person feel responsible now that's interesting in other words like if the two starts to go dark maybe feeling unloved uncared for unwanted not the special friend like they like you don't really need me then they may tend to get sullen they may get they may go straight to eight and just you know pounce and just voice stuff that's been locked up inside them and sort of the teapot starts to rattle and shake and then you know and then it comes out all of this locked up pent up frustration and resentment from being taken advantage of in their mind taking advantage of and then finally it comes out i do all this work around here and i do this and i do that and this is the thanks i get this is the appreciation that i and it all comes out two goes to eight right um but sometimes it may not just come out it may come out in facial expressions it may come out in in the manner in which they carry themselves it may come out in a sullenness a detachment a disconnection it's kind of like since i'm i don't feel like your special friend well then you're not going to feel like my special friend since i don't feel wanted and cared for well then i might employ strategies to make you feel like you're not wanted and cared for so every type does this to a degree we kind of bring the very thing we're looking for right um sevens are looking for happiness and satisfaction when they're healthy they bring happiness and joy into everything they do when they're not happy they get up and leave and chase after whatever they think will make them happy nines chase after peace and comfort and and tranquility and they leave chaos in order to go uh protect that when they're healthy they bring peace and comfort and tranquility into chaos and into dissidence one's order twos love and compassion and friendship and warmth and all those things that's what twos bring twos bring the warmth and the compassion there's the positive side they bring the very thing they're searching for what are they searching for they want to feel loved they want to feel cared for they want to feel valuable they want to feel like they have this special relationship with the people in their lives okay and when they're healthy they bring that when they're unhealthy then they're chasing after that by serving and giving and flattery and kindness and actions and what happens when they employ those strategies but they don't receive back the thing they're looking for well then they may flip go dark and then the things that they're feeling they may sort of in a way try to make you feel like i'm not feeling loved and cared for so you're going to feel unloved and uncared for and they may use detachment they may use silence they may just kind of shut down and create distance and space between themselves and you um and maybe other ways to not really punish you as much as they're just responding in an unhealthy way at the low levels of health and now that is going to feel like now if you're two try to catch this okay because this is important to the other people in your life that's going to feel to them like they're being manipulated like we didn't go along with dads or moms or grandmas you know whatever she came up with that we're all having thanksgiving at grandma's house and we didn't go along with it and so now she's going to disconnect now she's going to go quiet now she's going to get sullen now she's going to pout now she's going to whatever it is the other people are going to feel like she's trying grandma's trying to make us feel guilty or make us feel like we're not very loving we're not very kind we're not very gracious because we're not going along with what she wants she won't just maybe say out loud how she feels because again she's a two and it's hard for twos to communicate directly and verbally it's hard to own that emotional uh and the and that need so she may he or she may communicate that in a way that feels to people in their life like they're being manipulated and you may not see that um and that may be something that you're not aware of you're just feeling hurt you're feeling upset you're feeling unloved and it's just maybe natural for you to to just kind of shut down but the other people in your life may feel like you're trying to manipulate them to get on to your agenda and you may be surprised when they're frustrated with you or they disconnect further from you which further just makes it worse right amplifies the problem and again if somebody could just call it out maybe in a kind and compassionate and loving way say look there's a problem i can see that you're upset i can see that you're not feeling well let's talk about it and a two might resist that at first because it feels uncomfortable maybe to deal with things directly um so let's see what else she says so twos fall into psychological despair and then try to make the other person feel responsible like you caused you know me to to be sad or you caused me to be upset or you caused me uh to be to be disconnected when their efforts are thorough twos may use full force to get what they want that's again going to eight right and but may take no responsibility for their unproductive behavior and so i think again twos might might kind of want you to read their mind at times like you should just know what i need and you should just know what what the problem is and of course most of us are not good at reading minds um and many of us have kind of given up even trying so that can be become problematic so challenge twos uh to be in a kind compassionate way uh to express their real feelings and their real needs and their real personal goals more directly that's great i think i i think you know put that welcome mat out and say look i can see you're upset um i can see that you're you're you're you're hurt um and let's talk about it and they may resist that okay give them the opportunity and the freedom to resist that and you know just pursue a little bit and chances are good that the two will eventually come around and sort of let the tea kettle moment happen yes i'm upset and then there it is and good now it's out and we can deal with things now that we've we're talking about them directly we're maybe able to better deal with if there's a problem let's let's work through the problem let's solve it and so i think don't give up just be compassionate and maybe pursue a little bit and follow after them and try to get them to express and there's the hard part to express their needs to express their desires to express their wants more directly in a more healthy way when you want something if you want something this is a helpful thing to remember for all of us especially twos and nines if you want something then it's your responsibility to make that want known it's your want it's your desire after all so you own that want and then it's your responsibility to express that want just make sure you're expressing it in a way that is clear so other people can understand it and then everyone else has the right to respond to that want or that need in whatever they in whatever way they want to they have the freedom to meet that need or to ignore that need or to negate that need everyone has the right and the freedom to respond any way they want to and we need to give each other that freedom so if you have a want or need it's your responsibility to express that clearly and directly and again twos might feel like that's too aggressive or that's two if i express my needs then see there's the pride you need me you need me but the reality is is we all need each other that's the truth is it's not good for man to be alone it's also not good for women to be alone we all need each other and when it's okay to have needs listen it's okay to have needs let me just talk to you for a second twos listen it's okay for you to have needs you're just a normal person like everybody else now that will strike against your pride but you ask yourself the question is it okay for a normal person to express their needs well yes of course it is okay then it's okay for you if it's okay for a normal person to say they need help or to say that they're feeling disconnected or they're feeling like they're like they're not being you know um not not maybe connected like they'd like to be with people it's okay to express that it's healthy to express that all right so what else let's look at the mid level of health the moderate level of health for a two is the friend and i would i would nuance that with the special friend okay and the core concern here is feeling valuable being liked being needed being appreciated and feeling worthy again a worth type right so very similar to the core fear of being unwanted discarded deemed intrinsically unworthy at the better level of health at the at the mid level of health the core concern is i want to feel valuable i want to be liked i want to be needed i want to be appreciated and and feel worthy two's with a moderate self mastery have many friends and are often at the center of social groups or institutions now if they've been hurt you know through those social groups in the past they may disconnect from social groups and say oh it's painful you know people say nasty things or people complain or people criticize me and so i'm not going to be a part of those social groups because it's uncomfortable to be criticized it's uncomfortable to to feel like you're not really wanted or you're not really okay so they read people well they read people well and engage others through flattery flattery is just focusing the attention on the other person it feels great when somebody's flattering you it feels great when somebody's focusing the attention on on me that feels wonderful but it is a strategy flattery giving attention doing favors and engaging in other forms of interpersonal behavior such as showing warmth that are sometimes sincere but sometimes they're not they may also be emotionally aggressive and hovering having difficulty saying no they may behind the scenes orchestrate interpersonal dynamics orchestrate that again that might feel manipulative to some people they can be compassionate and helpful offering useful advice that they expect others to take and so the idea here is that that at that moderate level of health you know they're making friends they're they're they're they're they're kind they're outgoing they're warm they're meeting needs uh they're they're showing flattery to uh uh to people showing attention to people and that all feels good you know it feels good to receive that on to be on the receiving end of that two's attention but then the idea is that now that person is kind of stuck to me now that person you know has has made a connection with me and through that connection i feel valuable as a too i feel important i feel cared about i feel like i'm in the center of things or or i'm more moving toward the center of things and wanted and liked and it feels good by the two to be wanted and liked and needed i mean who doesn't want somebody around them that's that's praising them of course we all do right we all do and so it is a strategy uh to be needed and wanted by other people i think one of the helpful things for a two to consider when they say yes to people when they offer help and service and kind words to people is just a pause for a second before they get entangled in other people's lives and just ask themselves why am i doing this why am i doing this that is a very powerful thought very powerful question for the two why am i doing this why am i offering my service why am i offering my help why um and i think just pausing for a second and getting real with your motivations and sorting through those motivations and trying to to get to some answers to that question could be a very growing experience for you as it could for other types as well why am i doing this why am i inclined to do this and what if i didn't what if i didn't what if i didn't say yes to to uh you know pastor bob's uh request to offer assistance in the office or offer assistance in the nursery or offer assistance you know with the men's breakfast what if i said no to that is it okay well again a good question is it okay for a normal person to say no sure it is okay well then it's okay for you to say no but you may feel yourself inclined just like a three is inclined to reach for that next award to reach for that next achievement to reach for that name brand to prove their worth and value you as a two may find and discover that you are reaching for something as well reaching for people's approval reaching for people's appreciation reaching for people to want you and need you in their life and you may just stop and pause and say why do i need this so much and what would my life be like if what how different would my life be if i didn't necessarily need that as strongly as i as i do at this point in other words you know how different would my life be if if i could be full already ah okay so the highest level of self-mastery for the two uh she calls the humble servant and i think i think that that's appropriate i think that that's not being facetious like oh look at me i'm the humble servant i don't think it's like that i think it's the two when they've wrestled through issues of worth and value and they've come to the to the understanding that i'm valuable not because of what i do for others not because of how important i am to others but i'm valuable simply because i exist that the lord doesn't need me the lord wants me that's a huge thought for it to stop and think about it okay i'm not loved because i'm needed i'm needed because i'm loved whoa that's worth the price of admission right there okay so the humble servant there is a profound purpose to everything that occurs and that it is independent of one's efforts now here's uh the highest level of self-mastery they no longer give to get they do not feel a need to reinforce their self-worth by getting others to like them or orchestrating other people's lives they're gentle generous humble inclusive and deeply compassionate they simply give uh to express their own deep needs directly they scent their sense of well-being and warmth draws others to them that's fantastic right every type when they're healthy is a beautiful thing every type when they're unhealthy can be a very dark you know and scary thing but healthy you're bringing love you're bringing compassion you're meeting people's needs and if you don't get the response that you'd like from others it's okay you don't necessarily need the response anymore you know inherently that there's worth and value simply because you're created in god's image and simply because you have a dog that loves you and no matter what anybody else might say about you you can go home at the end of the day knowing that you're a good person that you're a person of value and worth and that you are designed for the purpose of bringing love and compassion and and and kindness into this world an unhealthy too you know wants to escape and reprimand uh those that aren't kind and those that aren't compassionate and those that aren't like them pride okay they want to uh disconnect from those that aren't meeting their needs and disconnect from those that aren't caring for them appropriately a healthy too goes in to that environment and loves people that are unlovable loves people that that um that are disdainful loves people that that don't deserve it loves people that aren't responding you know the way they would like to respond they just come in and serve and care and meet needs and love people from a sense of fullness not in order to get anything but just to express the love that they're so full of okay that's why a one needs a two wing because a one could be very harsh you know and they need that softness of the two and that three can be so focused on polishing up their own uh exterior that they sometimes forget that they're here to serve other people and that two wing helps remind them of that so provide guidance for twos and developing their personal and professional vision and goals and focusing on what they want in their own lives help them to think about what they want in their own lives positive reinforcement okay so i think we've covered it pretty well we've gone about 40 almost 45 minutes so we've covered the issue pretty well and twos be compassionate with yourself okay um what does that look like for you well i think that um recognizing that people won't always respond to you the way that that they should they just won't they won't always get the message uh that you're that you're sending they won't necessarily decode you know the message that you were coding for them and they may be oblivious they may look oblivious to your needs um it's your responsibility to express those needs in a more direct straightforward manner in a kind compassionate manner which is your way and to wrestle with that issue of worth and value and wrestle with that issue of pride name the dragon and then go to work at slaying that dragon your one wing is there to ask you am i doing what needs to be done or am i doing what will be appreciated that's a rough one the the one wing is saying do the right thing is it the right thing to be uh to go dark and sullen is it the right thing to be disconnected from people because they're not treating you right is that the right thing so the one is going to ask you to do the right thing do what needs to be done do what needs to be done not what will give you the the feeling of worth and value from others and then the three wing is telling you it's okay for you to have some goals you know it's not just about living for others it's okay for you to have some goals for yourself it's okay for you to set some goals for yourself and to improve yourself and to polish up yourself rather than just polishing everybody else and when a two is balanced between their wings they'll look more like a healthy four they'll go to that healthy side of four you know expressing themselves knowing themselves being in touch with their own feelings and needs and doing things that they enjoy doing not just things that will get them the approval and and the appreciation of others an unhealth you know goes to eight um becomes more frank direct straightforward or shuts down and disconnects so be be compassionate with yourself continue to wrestle and grow with with these issues and be present to life and i think presence of life is people don't always respond to you the way you might need them to and you're the two love them anyway love them anyway just pour out the love dump it out i don't have any left to give you know that's why after all all these are on my shelf right because when the people in our lives don't can't fill us there's always another place to go to find that that strength and that peace all right love you guys be blessed take care and i'll see you next time

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 5,709

Rating: 4.9457011 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, enneagram type 2, type two, personalities, relationships, family, love, marriage, parenting

Id: Tr6wdVTctQk

Length: 46min 14sec (2774 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 23 2020