The Drake Leak Wasn't Music

I've been thinking about this a lot I think as just as guys right like as men I do think that we are too we're like too confident in our ability that's the end to the sentence [Applause] that's there's just like as human dudes there's no other species of male in anything you could be a gazelle a g a male like gazelle do they make male gazelle anyway you could be you could be a male gazelle there's no random day where you're going to look at a line and be like he look like he want to fight like do you what I mean you know how every other male sees like an order to the world and functions in it we're the only ones it's crazy it's crazy we're the only ones I maybe maybe a female gazelle might fight a lion and that's if the Lion's already attacking her child you know she might step up and even then it's like 30% so like there's just some order to Nature my I was I was hang out my friend turns to me unprovoked I had said nothing and he goes you think you could fight a bear [Music] and I and I I was like what no it's the simple it's the quickest no no it's a B in the you didn't ask me about a club in the scenario you given me a bear wants to fight me and I'm going to fight the bear and wi like No And I asked her I was like do you think you could fight a bear and he was like well if I came at it right I'm like don't even finish the sentence if I came at it right what are you saying right now if I came at it right that's the CR according to experts the only way to come at it is to pretend to already be dead what do you mean if I came if if the bear came at you like a bear you would die I bet money on it that's crazy and then he got irate with me he got all defensive started attacking me it was like so you would just let a bear kill you I'm like what are we talking about what do you mean let a be it's a bear a you picked a bear you didn't even pick up I might have a chance against like a straight cat you went straight to bear do you think you can fight a oh you just going to let a bear kill you look if I went home if this is this how confident I am a bear would kill me I don't go where bears are you don't catch me anywhere out in the world where the Bears will be in fact if there was a bear when I went home in my apartment that's a bear's apartment now I and I'm good with that I'm willing to let that bear have my couch that's fine everything in the fridge is his now crazy crazy talk and look I'm I'm not acting like I'm not acting like there isn't a place I could step up when it comes to bugs I could be braver I will say that when it comes to bugs I could step up a little bit cuz if a bug is too big I will take a step step back just to try to assess what it is cuz sometimes like I don't have the best eyes but sometimes you see like nine legs or or something you're like what but what is that before I step on it what is this is it an alien you know I remember there was one day oh I had a fly in my apartment and it was the plague of my life I didn't know how the fly got in my apartment and it had the loud like it had the loudest Wings it might as well have been bird wings it was the loudest fly I've ever heard and it would get it would get like right next to my ear which was making me Flinch like it it actually it did kind of punk me in a little cuz I I had the fly water ready and it would be in the ear that was like the fly so that I would be looking for it like like oh and it was all day it was all day I was trying to kill it all like top to bottom all day and then it was so gross cuz then I was like hitting myself with the fly swatter because I was like I was like at some point if I swing back I might catch it and then it was hitting my ear so I was beating myself and then I finally was like let me just go take a shower cool off cuz I had to go somewhere that night so I get in the shower take a shower I don't know when the fly came in the bathroom I I know if it came in through a vent or through the door with me but then the fly came at me while I was in the shower now now this is attempted murder cuz I am on wet porcelain I cannot mess around right now if I fall in this shower and I die and my killer is a [Laughter] fly and I die like a bad Dr Seuss anyway I finished my shower I you know swwa them off everything still and then I open the curtain it's right there I'm I'm I'm exhausted I'm naked I'm wet I grab I grab my towel and I like spin my towel get really tight right I don't even care if you believe me it's one of the proudest days of my life I spun my towel as hard as I could and then I popped it at the fly and right at the end right at the tip it popped the fly and killed it and I I'm not going to lie to you in that moment I was like I think I could fight a bear like I think like I do if I'm just say if I had a towel if I had a towel I have a [Applause] chance then okay look when I say it it's not going to sound true but believe me all right I I really thought that when I saw Drake leaks trending it was going to be music I was so sure that it was going to be music I was like stuff leaks all the time let's listen to this album before it comes out and then and I I know a lot of people thought that that I'm not alone a lot of other people said they were like you thought it'd be music too I was like yeah I thought it'd be music and in case you don't know who Drake is I don't know how but in case you don't know who Drake is he's a rapper and in case you don't know about the Drake leak just da I looked okay so I was Drake leak was trending and then I clicked it and it's it you you just see a lot of Drake it's a lot of Drake is a lot of Drake is more Drake than I thought there was Drake you and I want to be clear about something okay cuz this I know it's weird but a Bad Thing Happened someone's nudes were leaked and that should never happen it should truly never happen everyone deserves autonomy for the body I know he's like a rich man so it's easier to like let it slide and it it's different it feels different at least when it's like a woman's new but still he didn't want that out there and it's out there which is a shame you know so I felt very conflicted cuz I was like that's a shame that somebody would do that you know and then on the other hand I was like all right but like no more sad songs like I don't you know what I mean like if I had a friend that was built like Drake I would never let him cry to me about anything I'm not going to lie it would always be burdened my bra i' be like hey everybody daddy dies sometimes okay cheer up and look [Applause] down [Laughter] I read I read this this report that I read a report that they they want to um NASA's trying to make contact you know with some intelligent life and they they we really tried everything we we tried so many different things and we haven't just spent billions of dollars if you count every country that's had success leaving the atmosphere going into space we we spent trillions of dollars as a people is an Endeavor that's been as old as the ages to like make contact and make sure or at least find out that we're not alone in the entire universe right so they send out signals they've used Wave radio waves they they've used light images everything that they can think of every every like telescopic Endeavors has been tried and so now NASA I'm not even kidding you can look this up Nas is Like we going we going to send nudes we're going to we're going to send nudes Out and because that might do it you know what I mean it's like that's that's a big deal we have not tried that yet we've been out here sending old 1920s radio I don't know my baby like we've tried all that stuff and it didn't do anything so let's send nudes and see wouldn't it be wild if it worked though wouldn't it be crazy if like a month later aliens landed and they were like titties is all you had to say I mean if we had known that there were titties that we would have come it feels you know what I mean like just say you're out of ideas smartest Minds in the world smartest ones on the planet and they're like I maybe this feels [Music] weird and I look I know what I said before and I meant that but since they're already out maybe send the Drake Le like may like maybe I don't know and look look not out of context send a copy of take care and send the Drake video and just see what the aliens think they might come they might be like [Music] I also I also read a report that says that um Viagra may like curb May lower the risk of Alzheimer's which is kind of bad news when you think about it like is that really what the world needs just a bunch of old men hard and aware you know what I mean I thought that as M we had a packed with the Earth we would wreak havoc for the first like 50 years of our lives and then after a while we'd slow down we get confused and we would not be hard anymore that's how you restore balance to the planet imagine an evil dude cuz we do this all the time being old is supposed to be the Saving Grace of your life especially as a m as a man love is like very conditional from the world right you're born a baby we all love babies you become a kid a lot of people love kids then you're a man and then everyone's like is your fault right like even even if you don't have power you look like the ones that do and so it's like I lump you in right then you get old and then you getting old is the the like we can love you again it's true you get old and then people are like ah what's he going to do we've seen it we've seen horrible horrible evil men get old and somehow All Is Forgiven we've watched literal war criminals turn 99 and it's like well he not doing anything now like he's a [ __ ] War CRI he don't remember though why does that why is that get him a pass he doesn't remember now you're just feeding him Viagra so they can't be evil longer [Music] literally we have to stop this this is [Music] crazy [Music] not

Channel: Josh Johnson

Views: 430,438

Keywords: Drake, nasa, space

Id: JSTaCFevHI4

Length: 15min 36sec (936 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 14 2024