The Black Cauldron - Nostalgia Critic

this episode brought to you by expressvpn the best VPN there is take back your online privacy today [Music] [Music] [Music] so tree who has your horse well thanks for the swamps of sadness I found out he has crippling depression oh wow yeah but thankfully an apple filled with Prozac and literally drowning in his own despair let him run up well that's got to be better than you return not as am i right well after being chased by a woman with the decapitated head through a hallway with screaming faces I think I'd prefer the shock therapy man this is so crazy I had no idea there were so many survivors of 80s kids films thanks for inviting me to this Falcon well you know I had an invite one of those Cooper's from Dark Crystal three teen survivals of the bride to colorful time known as the a tune to hand out our awards winner of smallest survival in a scary as [ __ ] eighties kids film is a tie between mrs. Brisby and fifo for tear off so much I know Python would also love to accept this award but he seems to have mysteriously disappeared for the night I dedicate this award to Don Bluths disturbing phobia of cats I mean seriously who names the feline dragon thank you I just hope this brings awareness to the dangers of clown fireman's and also a Peter Lorre sound in the layoffs how racially insensitive for the only black person in any of these dark kid's fantasy movies his passing his grandson Malcolm ray thank you all for being a bunch of racist crackers the name of the kid was from the witches [Applause] this year thank you it's a no secret that this film inflicted great psychological damage on my psyche but knowing that the damage done was inflicted tenfold on millions of children across the nation just warms my heart wait a minute I just have to win that award it's tarin ooh I'm the Black Cauldron he's an honorary mention thinks he's on the same level as other 80s dark movies but he's I guess Black Cauldron isn't the most liked movie huh did you dare say you did it like black coal 3 well ya know anything like no what do you likes Black Cauldron but that doesn't mean you don't like Black Cauldron [Music] developed in the 70s black culture went through a lot of reworking until its premiere in 1985 apparently was passed from creative team to creative team constantly ate up money being the most expensive animated film at the time and was heavily edited down because Jeffrey Katzenberg freaked when he saw kids running out of pre screenings due to how scary it was wow this sounds kind of badass when it came out it was not very well received by critics or audiences in fact it lost to the Care Bears movie that had already been out for several months I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard it was often referred to as the film that almost destroyed Disney over the years though it's grown a cult following being praised by fans of dark 80s movies and cheering it for being the black sheep of Disney cinema yeah people were great understanding it was too dark for their brainwashed Disney Minds did you challenge me you coward Oh four days finest warrior draws his last breath this would take minutes to wash out yeah a few things give you things I don't get it is Black Cauldron like this lost dark masterpiece or is it just an awkward forgettable mess it's complicated I'll tell you what why don't you watch it on my phone and decide for yourself while we tend to proto bastard here good luck well let's see if it's worth the praise is gonna or the hate it's gotten this is Black Cauldron if I'm open solid enough with the description of what the Black Cauldron is there was once a king so cruel and so easy that even the gods feared and everyone was freaked out by those BK ads then a Black Cauldron was made to conceal the Kings evil and whoever possessed it could raise an army of the Dead so obviously this evil King is the bad guy right nope never mentioned again kind of odd they were building him up so much if in Lord of the Rings would it add up if they were like the spirit of Sauron indeed Sauron has returned well let's see what the White Witch is up to she's fine we've been cut to a cottage where a wizard may be man named Alban looks after a boy named Taryn with an American accent as a Terran or Turan now I'm just gonna call him tearing because his voice is tearing through my earlobes like a monolith of annoyance is this to be my life pampering a pig I'm a warrior Terran I'm 100% convinced is the lost Disney Princess now I know that doesn't sound right seeing how there's technically a Disney princess in this later but she doesn't have as many Disney Princess traits as he does for example he's very delicate and Fae but I'm afraid he lives in a cottage is unhappy with his life has no mother and yearns for more Dubin doesn't understand I'm not a little boy anymore I should be doing heroic deeds for breeding even his design is very Disney Princess esque look at him if you just switch the hair it's pretty damn close your head your time man you're breaking down barriers' you don't even know you break it down there is the minor issue though that the yearning part I was talking about is actually more whining if you replaced actually more with your fisting Lee obsessive I'm a warrior hanwen hanwen it's always hearing I'm a warrior ever be anything but an assistant pinky I'm a would be a famous warrior laureate what I need is a it's a charm of warrior better eat it I'm a water give me you challenged me you got dirty he doesn't like you I know the idea is to show he's cocky and not ready for the world he's about to enter but there's a difference between Peter Parker cocky and Howard the Duck cocky one has charm and how naive he is and the other is Howard the Duck don't be like Howard the Duck Todd he looks after a pig named hen one who they only keep around because a spider said she was cool it was weird when she suddenly ceased something so terrible she can't contain it so the pig has magical powers when you put her face in water she can predict the future cool when my hamster puts his balls and kool-aid he can watch Gilligan's Island what the hell kind of power is that I mean come on a map and the moonlight reveals hidden letters playing a flute over fire can summon magic imagery shoving a pig's face and a toilet can get you lottery numbers it just doesn't seem particularly whimsical Fantasia she's showing us better Disney films best leave out some of the racier sent our scenes but no the Horned King has discovered it we're not really sure how he discovered it oh we must have been their drunken Instagram post yeah that makes sense I'm not afraid of the Horned King then you were already foolish lad really there was the tipping point for you taken went to the hidden cottage at the edge of the Forbidden Forest good boy Toby I won't fail you he's totally gonna fail me so much what sobbing why don't you come with me oh well the cats and the boots and I still send out from physical Netflix DVDs yes I'm the one we then cut to the castle of the Horned King beautifully accompanied by Elmer Bernstein's recycled goes our theme [Music] the working is voiced by legendary actor John Hurt who offers a pretty chilling read with the exception of when he's rushed here and there like he was doing so good in any fan out he didn't put money in his parking meter soon the Black Cauldron will be my yes Arne is so aware of his important mission to keep and win safe they stops right in the middle of it to fantasize about himself being a hero thus losing her thank you thank you thank you all oh no my fantasies of sexy Big Bird are getting in the way of my fantasies of heroism her real nights don't have to stay focused do they but without the help of my Pig hen one here I'm Henry oh no that was really the best take your head oh no I'm going to have my favorite cereal oh no this isn't my favorite cereal oh well uh still port in a bowl oh no we're out of bowls oh well I'll still get the toy that's inside oh just when you think our leads can get any more annoying Oh deep Bible mentions approaches this is gurgi groupies if the shaggy dogs asked farted jar jar binks his voice no matter how often you asked him to stop smacking and wacky hate and yes dear viewer he's in a lot of the movie margins a [ __ ] never sharp eye cookies for a big even now go give me numbers yes a sweet first come to find us like please what happened oh yeah oh I get it someone was like I bet you can't trick Disney animators into drawing Wilford Brimley's armpit hair on the Pokemon doll of Mark Twain with the death rattle of Donald Duck and some say this bastard was like watch me very annoying meal and ride and wind is found too late though as she's grabbed by the satanic cold a figment and taken to the Horned King and on such a lovely rotoscope day to if great not going to even cancer poor girl you will never see his friend again you know if you say one more thing like call his wife queefing we're never gonna see gurgi again either Taryn goes to the horn king's castle with such good security he can climb right up the walls in such good architecture they goes through a door that leads to beams on the ceiling my design did the Winchester Susie that's a confuse the spirit all because she was drunk whoa Esmerelda's been taking some liberties with her branding [ __ ] now just think of a funnier version of hellfire I feel I see the Sun coltan horizon hair don't shave me it's my thing I just love [Music] yeah we always have to look amazed every time he comes in even those is like the millionth room he's entered oh he's going to the kitchen he comes in to do the laundry Cantor's the bathroom it would be so bad if this explosive demon flatulence didn't follow him and every entrance seriously it smells like an tits ass in here can we all not just eat we'd come across shaved Turkey who's the horn king's assistant named creeper who brings in the captured hanwen they can't get it to show where the Black Cauldron is but thankfully it's raining flops I presume my boy you are the keeper of this Iraq cannot be you know there's some words that just can't be make free be even with John Hurt's amazing voice I'm convinced pig is one of them I mean come on you're the owner of this animal the owner of this creature the owner of this peak I just keep expecting to see him in babe like that'll do Pig that don't do now die actually I'm not too far off as they threatened to chop her head off if he doesn't show them how to get the visions and man was this an awkward image when I paused it while reviewing Oh Mike I tell you not just bet you pleased to say the magic words that shows them the black cauldrons location your leash that noise beyond my reach okay that pigs tripping balls face is one of the funniest things I've ever seen what if it's not all folks what if it's just the beginning folks but Taran trips spilling the water onto the horn Kings face I'm melting I met wait why does this happen none of course when pigs tell the future in water it instantly becomes toxic who wrote this you know I got a same as pinkies origin stories a lot more aggressive than I thought it'd be so they locked her in a way and he's all alone to think about his thoughts though my escape failed I'll try again tomorrow but a girl sneaks into his cell and admits she's being held prisoner - I'm princess Eilonwy princess what I'm princess Eilonwy is something only barb in this look there's hair in Kapaa fur there's gonna be kill I'll submit the fur behold obnoxio d of shut up your names all sound like preservatives so princess although Holly looks over the situation are you a lord or a warrior I'm an assistant Pig Keeper oh what a pity [ __ ] she's more of a princess than you'll ever be actually there's some truth to that there is absolutely no reason for her to be a princess she never uses her Authority we never see her Kingdom there's no royal family members that enter the picture it's completely pointless I think she was just embarrassed to say what she really did for a living I'm an assistant Pig Keeper well I'm assistant [ __ ] cleanup princess yes that's it princess really of what kingdom shut your hos vo sounds Norwegian thank God the guards are on vacation as they sneak easily through the place and find the tomb of the king who used to own the castle he must have been a great warrior the shield is the second marker he graduates from pit keeping the grave-robbing as he steals the Kings sword and then they notice the henchmen bringing in a ton of dead bodies stop we should help him they also come across a minstrel who's being locked up for stealing designs from the Aristocats you seem an intelligence old chap to me I had no idea who boy even by Disney dumb faces that was a really dumb face maybe he just saw John Malkovich in bird box and couldn't believe he couldn't stop making the sucking on hummingbirds penis face his name is what who not what who not pickles I'm calling him pickles so Taran pickles and Princess lonely band together to try and escape but oh no they come across a guard with an axe look out he might use his hand but luckily is so it is a singing sword [Music] look here it says only the lamest shall weird me well as long as I don't have to do in the actual hero work okay seriously did he just skip they're very merrily getting away to get to the castle entrance but fine they're locked in so the princess hugs the door I can demand that you save us only for so long you know the thought occurs to me we're really terrible to what we do our heroes escape as creeper goes to tell the Horned King the bad news you bring news of the pig I'm sorry it's still funny there's just some words that take you out of a threatening tone you bring news of the cookies you bring news of Walla Walla Washington you bring news of the dummy muffin cuckoo butter it can't be done he sends out his dragons to find them while our heroes take a minute to recoup they're almost finished leader it's not too good oh just like my bowels I wasn't afraid like we were running for our lives well I got us out of the castle didn't I yeah I'd say it was the swords magic no need to point out how useless he is film he doesn't quite naturally on his own ha what does a girl know about sorts anyway at least I don't keep talking about it silly girl I hugged a door which is more than the wood that you offering thank you for getting me out of the dungeon so just as fast as they blow up at each other they patch things up as we also see the return of turn off lock the door or make a door so we can lock it you know we make sure this is an underrated classic it's complicated [Applause] [Music] it's so easy to steal someone's identity nowadays watch hi chaplain your kita now do you like being Keaton [Laughter] on line this is done all the time that's why you need expressvpn without a VPN in general your internet browsing data can be tracked by your ISP as well as your cellular provider and companies and hackers when you use a VPN like expressvpn your public IP address is masked so even the websites you visit won't be able to identify it it also encrypts your internet data preventing others from sniffing your information over the network on top of that you can also unblock content accessing content that's only available in some countries but expressvpn is the best because it has the fastest speeds server locations in 94 countries 24/7 customer support whenever you need it that's for every device Windows iOS Android Mac Linux router and so many more and on top of that it's easy to use you connect with just one click it's internet without restriction securely stream or download content from anywhere anytime no activity or connection logs your data is your business I guess that's why it's the market leading VPN and read it the number one VPN service by TechRadar and on top of protecting all your information it's cheap as hell less than seven dollars a month with a 30-day money-back guarantee I use it because my data and identity matters a lot to me as well as the identity of my cat how's it going take back your internet privacy today and find out how you can get three months free by clicking the link in the description box expressvpn comm slash nostalgia critic that exp r e-- s s VPN comm slash nostalgia critic for three months free with a one-year package visit expressvpn calm slash a nostalgia critic to find out more take back your privacy today don't be like keaton or is it chaplin with two N's now how do you like that chaplin with two ends this is expressvpn dot-com / nostalgia critic to learn more [Music] [Applause] so where heroes fall down a whirlpool and come across the Smurfs snorkel old buds that raise the question you know everyone's asking directors kids cameo our producers kids cameo well at least the performances are matched by their awkward as hell freeze frames seriously you could start a photo playlist with these the chubby bearded guy in every fantasy you'll fit right in farm boy and every fantasy princess in every fantasy and comic relief in every fantasy Disney we welcome new dreams and ideas as long as they've been done before we were about to sentence her to death for eating 12 of our people it's only fitting you watch tell me is the burning and killing still going on up there well Katzenberg is still in charge if that's what you mean they tell them where they can find the Black Cauldron and they plan to destroy it to stop the Horned King they come across mad madam mins brothel and break in to see if they can find it we can clearly say to you you know he's growing on me like a cyst they come across Winnie the Pooh's pot collection for the prototype for hocus pocus appear and threatened to turn them into frogs let's play how many fetishes were created with this scene enough we've come for the Black Cauldron perhaps I might interest you in something else what could you possibly what were you want the sword once again does all the work and the witches agreed to trade the Black Cauldron for it no time no it's our only chance is it your own choice chuckling you could be the greatest of all I offer my dearest possession you've had that thing for a day I mean if I had a chance to trade the end of the world for a gun that never missed it wouldn't be a big deal I mean I use on him first and then the bargain is made and the giant cauldron is revealed destroying the house yeah with this thing now for some reason when the Black Cauldron rises we turn to Franken berries fart fantasies I don't know they tell them that the cauldrons evil can only be stopped if someone willingly sacrifices himself by jumping in cool put a piece of sugar in there and wait for a bug to fly in yeah I saw then two seconds these dumbasses still spend the whole night trying to figure something out I let you down without my soda I'm nothing I believe you want to toss yourself in that cauldron I'll totally dedicate something to you for the villains find them and take them back to the castle where the Horned King uses the cauldron to bring a bunch of skeletons back to life he finds them and sets them free I must stop the cauldron I'm sorry I lonely my mind is made up this movie's a lost cause and I want out but get this gurgi decides to sacrifice himself oh no now gurgi No [Music] Savas Claude yes JB we all shed a tear when you gave your life for us hey everybody it me everybody fit me everybody don't is this not a champion [Music] so the Horde king's army starts to fall [Music] it can't be have you checked our internet connection it can be wonky some dice Terran almost gets sucked in as the Horned King spots him and no joke the entire climax of this movie is just him holding on to the wall why isn't the heroic action in this movie just clinging to architecture oh and shoving clinging on to [ __ ] and shoving the physical demands of fighting for bedsheets on a twin size mattress [Music] so the bare minimum our heroes save the day but that still doesn't bring back gurgi try I guess this good was wanted and he's still not satisfied but witches come to take the cauldron back which makes you wonder what they want with it or the sword for that matter you know who are these people anyway pickles decides to finally do something in this movie and bargain for it yes the cauldron for gurgi I was hoping we could kill him again perhaps we'll call it this time so which is agree and oh boy Gary's back well you may be back agita once I report that on social media your gray ass is grass thus we end on the film's final gripping whine well that was memorable in that you made Kaylee from quest for Camelot look like friggin Joan of Arc and that was the Black Cauldron is it worth the praise or criticism that's gotten over the years it's complicated the characters and story range from forget ibly bland to frustratingly annoying but at the same time it is an impressive film given the time it was released and the company who released it this is the closest Disney will ever get to a watership down or a Wizards that strange combo of both cheap-looking and epic looking while hovering over a dart style most parents would be afraid to show their kids though what that's it it's really that dark there's darker themes and ideas and other Disney properties these creatures we've seen in other Disney movies and even some of the wilder more imaginative stuff some of them designed by a young Tim Burton weren't used because they were seen as too weird so it doesn't even really have enough of an odd factor to make it that unique but it was edited down 12 minutes were cut from this film and you know that would have saved the movie would it though anything's possible apparently there was a lot more gore and violence in the original cut that most likely would have resulted in an r-rated that does make the reputation for a more attractive as we can just blame the clothes mida pansies weren't ready to venture too far from their fairy tales but here's the thing you'd still have these guys as your main characters could the longer edit have added to their development I suppose so but it's kind of like saying there's an edit of Phantom Menace that may Jar Jar Binks work or an edit of son of the mass that makes Jamie Kennedy work sure it's possible but it's very unlikely especially given their performance and characteristics but even taking all that into account I get why a lot of people like this movie it is the most consistently dark looking of the Disney films almost every environment is grey and swampy it is an old-school retro feel than most people associate with dark Andy's kids films and while it still keeps some Disney tropes alive it did attempt to take a few risks it is kind of cool that's something this consistently grey and threatening is in Disney's hand-drawn library those elements I think makes some people more forgiving of the standard characters and story go for them if it does there's a lot to appreciate from the animation the backgrounds the risks taken and even the flawed production history it's all interesting to look at whatever your thoughts it's an interesting film to check out particularly if you're a big fan of those darkanian's kids movies not because it always works but because it's fascinating to see how and why it works in some areas and not in others and then compared to how similar films either succeeded or failed as well it's a hot mess but it's an interesting complex and interesting always warrants [Music] who you I'm Sara the whiny pain in the ass from labyrinth I'm Terry don't want a pain in the ass from the Black Cauldron do you constantly tell people about how awesome you are without ever actually doing anything I do do you blame everyone else for your problems and expect to be like I do let's see their love or Facebook come let us embark on a trip I use health fantasy where the lessons learned are shaky at best is there any other kind [Music] I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I guess there's always an obnoxious tool for another obnoxious tool levanto except Gerty oh I'm a warrior hey Doug Walker here doing the charity shout out this week is the ground meme foundation because poverty and hunger often go hand in hand they innovate to solve the problems the poorest people in the world face they use digital technology and partner networks to create solutions that bring financial agricultural and health services to several households as part of these solutions they help to build empowering ecosystems that support breakthroughs in health income equity confidence and capacity every breakthrough counts and you can play a big part in many of them with an A rating on charity watch it's definitely worth clicking on the link and seeing what you can give or share to help out you [Music]

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 1,399,618

Rating: 4.8044691 out of 5

Keywords: channel awesome, doug walker, nostalgia critic, movie, film, the black cauldron, the black cauldron review, the black cauldron movie, black cauldron, black cauldron review, movie review, film review, animated movies, best animated movies, weird animated movies, 80s movies, nostalgic movies, disney, disney movies, best disney movies, disney animated movies, worst disney animated movie

Id: sUsfYaKN3nY

Length: 35min 50sec (2150 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 30 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

nostalgia critic is a pretty cringy dude.

[u/AmazingFuckinAtheist]

That was not a good NC episode. The opening skit was really stale. I tend to be more forgiving of the sketch comedy than some people, but that one was just ghastly. And it was poorly lit.

His review itself also contained few good jokes and no good insights. It's a shame, because I hate that movie and he could have done much more with it.

[u/[deleted]]

Anybody have the timestamp from the 24 hour show were Gurgi gets removed from the best of list? That part cracked me up.