The Best Thing You've Heard While Faking Being Asleep (r/AskReddit)

people who have pretended to fall asleep what is something interesting you've overheard I was dozing off in my bed with my girlfriend at the time when I heard her confess her love for me she was pretty hammered but she went into intricate detail about how she feels respected enjoys the intercourse and sees a serious future with me the next morning I got yelled at for not cuddling and that it was a major issue I don't think she even knew of her confession I heard my roommate on a cruise ship getting viciously and sloppily finger benched for over an hour while the guy kept saying to her guess how many fingers are in you now my mum told a friend via telephone I thought my husband was cheating so now I do it too I still don't know what to do tonight after drinking with friends I wasn't really pretending more trying to keep the my head from spinning I overhear my buddies say to my other friend I wonder how easy it is to smother someone to death at a sleepover do you think he's circumcised or not back in grade school I was over at a friend's place with a couple other friends for a sleepover we were watching kenny vs spenny the episode where they see who can go around naked the longest or something his mom comes in and thinks he watching gay pee naturally we pretend to be asleep while him mom reams him out and thinks he's watching gay pee in front of us but sorry Scott good times though a loud fart followed by oh crap and then some shuttling sounds I was drunk at a party and couldn't fathom the world so I lay down closed my eyes in a dark room I heard two of my friends coming one came over to me and poked me in the ribs then said it's fine he's asleep then proceeded to talk about how both of them were cheating on their boyfriends and who at the party they wanted to freak not you apparently a French girl I met in a hostel came into where I was sleeping and just sat there I had just cut it off with her so I didn't want to deal with her crap so I pretended to be asleep for a few minutes she just mumbled random crap she was pretty drunk finally what got me up was when in the cutest French accent she told me she was going to set me on fire in mice I should have mentioned that yes I did sleep with her again after that sometimes you've got a do messed up crap to stay not on fire a screaming match involving the liner I want you to say one nice thing about my kids one followed by silence and doors slamming my parents talking dirty while they were doing it this is the stuff of nightmares I had been sleeping on the couch in my Cece a room in school and I heard my name just as I woke up so I stayed put to eavesdrop a couple of mates were talking about me in a positive light and saying nice things about me without knowing I was awake Kate it was really nice to hear it especially since I was a relatively low point at the time every time I think about this I feel good even though it's been a half dozen years or so and it always reminds me to uphold those good characteristics when I was a kid my mom would make my brother and me take naps for like 45 minutes I pretended like I was sleeping and I heard my mom talking on the phone to my grandma but during the conversation I assumed my grandma asked what my brother and I were up to because she said him Holly's brother is sleeping and in Holly is pretending to be asleep I was like Frank she said she knew I was faking because my mouth was closed and whenever I'm actually asleep my mouth is slightly open ever since that day whenever I'm pretending to be asleep for whatever reason I keep my mouth slightly open thanks for the tip mom your mom only told you that to know when you're faking your sleep you got got I was less than three feet away as one of my best friends took a nineteen-year Jinna T we traveled from the bay to LA to attend a rave with some girls we met at EDC a few months prior after all the partying took place one buddy took the older sister to his car and my other buddy started making moves on the younger sister I was sleeping on the floor and was petrified because I felt like if I moved it would kill his game so I sat through the most awkward sexual experience of my life to help him get laid it was short and sporadic but they both seemed to enjoy it I think so I think I made the right decision pretending to be asleep on the floor as they bunny humped on the bed literally to one stroke two feet from me to people freaking and talking crap about me my mom to her friend when I was like eight I don't actually even like her she is so annoying I want to get rid of her naturally I burst into tears she said she was sorry she knew I was awake and it was just a joke she's got a cruel sense of humor a joke yeah totally weekend retreat at church camp my buddy and another friend's girl and I ended up in a room with two bunk beds we were chilling when I realized that I was the third wheel so I powered down first there were tests to see if I was awake then she climbed to his top bunk then kissing then her moaning then her telling him he should wash his hand I got bored and did some fake sleep talking they laughed and continued but they called it a night without rounding home she left and I figured it was best to not give high-fives till the next day I don't know why I waited until we were at his house maybe she rode back with us still it was my first time playing Super Nintendo and as he handed me the controller that would introduce me to Yoshi I asked him you did wash your hands right he was so thrilled to get to talk to someone about it this damn boss knows that we know he's awake right every time I've tried it I ended up falling asleep for real not me but once during a sleepover in middle school this girl pretended to sleep to try and catch us saying bad things about her we never did we really liked her but we did say I wish Katherine was still awake at which point she snapped awakened was all aha you don't really love me middle schoolers are weird creatures I remember way back I couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve you know being a little kid and all so during the sleepless night where I guess my parents thought I was asleep I heard my dad say where do you think we should hide the new puppy that was pretty much at the top of my list so naturally I was excited that I was getting a puppy and they talked for a good 20 minutes about the puppy saying things like how should we keep it from barking before he finds him before I dozed off next morning I discovered that my parents knew I was awake and just decided to freak with me there was no God dang papi I got a gameboy though so it wasn't too bad I was pretending to be asleep in a hostel dorm room because I didn't want to deal with others girl and a guy started freaking in the bed across from me she was on top and came off with a horsey yay we was spending the night at a friend's house I'm a guy she's a girl brought my friend over because we were out partying we all slept in the same room I was laying on the floor near my friend when I heard my friend Andrea called my name wanting to sleep I ignored her not moving to which she respond ok Andy I think he's asleep come here about five minutes later I hear the bed squeaking and her soft moans one of them sneezed about 15 minutes into it in which I responded bless you they immediately stopped ten stroke ten would do a game savage when I was six strokes seven I remember staying up late without the babba sitter realising whilst my parents were out I remember when they came back home I was so worried about getting into trouble for still being awake that I pretended to be asleep mum came in the room asking whether or not I was awake I stayed quiet and then she just sat down on my bed she was quiet for what felt like forever but was probably only a couple of minutes before she bent over stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head whilst telling me how much she loved me and how much I meant to her and then she tucked the covers around me tighter and left to this day it's my favorite memory of her and one I've never shared with anyone was in this messed up relationship with my ex-husband when I was pregnant with my second kid we had a room mate female but we would all have intercourse with each other because we were young and free-spirited or something anyway I pretended to be asleep one night because I didn't feel like having intercourse that night and didn't want to turn anybody down or make up an excuse my ex-husband and the room maid got to talking in the next room the bedroom door was open so I could hear then pretty clearly and she asked him why he married me anyway his response I just didn't know what else to do at that point seemed like the next logical step and I took it I honestly wish I hadn't done it and I wish I was single right now living life but now I have this frickin family and I'm not sure how I'm gonna get out it hit me real hard must have been about 16 17 ish was staying at a friend's house who was with his girlfriend he was the first in our circle to have intercourse and he fricking love to brag about it how much other natural he was how surprised his girlfriend was that she was his first all that cliché bollocks we all just laughed let him have his fun and got on with it anyway back to being at his place with her I go and crash early on the floor of their room in a kick-ass little blanket pile with her dog it was great I was just getting bored of him rampantly flirting at her like a brain-damaged peacock so about a half hour later they come in and of course they start freaking eye on ously think they forgot I was there or something I hear very loud kissing a few Batman grunts a bit of whimpering they had started and finished in less than a minute so I'm lying curled up in the corner of their room under blankets and a dog listening to my friend crimes shame while his girlfriend was finishing herself off that was a great night pretended to be asleep at a sleepover heard my supposed friends planning to throw my clothes in the tree at Frick middle school my mum did this once when a friend of her father came round to visit she was tired and pretended to fall asleep on the sofa cause she didn't want to be spoken to her father and his friend proceeded to talk about the war this is World War two and their polish this friend was sent to the border between Poland and Ukraine and some villages were attacked by neighboring Ukrainians for some reason I'm still not sure about he said there killed people by sawing them in half and loads of other gruesome things she wouldn't tell me I'm only friends with him because I feel sorry for him fell asleep on a table outside at a party woke up but remained with head on table a cute girl I was talking to earlier begins discussing me with my friend then says she considered getting off with me earlier but I kept passing out I'm like freakier let's get her done drunk me springs when said well I'm sober now then passes out again informed by sit friend of my idea see the following day I hate you quietly passionately by my husband we are now separated and don't speak during a short road trip with people I kind of liked but didn't consider close friends I slept and woke up but I left my eyes closed to listen to music in case I'd be able to fall asleep again one of the girls in the car said she looks like an angel when she sleeps this was the single most touching thing I have ever heard about myself I don't consider myself a beautiful woman pretty funny intelligent but not beautiful so hearing this made my day heck it made my decade I didn't say anything I just revealed in the moment and never forgot that wonderful thing that was said about me I was sleeping without a shirt my dad told my mom he has a nice build I hope they didn't notice me smile interesting because it was my friend's trying to decide what food places they wanted to eat at while I was napping we went out for breakfast I went to crash for a couple of hours while they hung out in the living room all I heard them talk about was which place they'd want to eat us then the best thing let's wait until she's up she's probably hungry again made me smile because a they were dope enough to not leave me and B they understood my love for eating needless to say within five minutes I walked in pretending I'd just woken up when I was 8 on Christmas Eve I overheard Santa eating the cookies and drinking the milk later he opened the fridge and ate a large chunk of a cake and ran around the living room smearing the cake everywhere Santa was our dog went to a college party it was late so I actually fell asleep woke up a few minutes later and an orgy was happening so I closed my eyes and hoped I look to sleep did not get disturbed a long high-pitched fart followed by a whispered Christ been holding that for hours middle-school sleepover I overheard a drunk friend try to get with my girlfriend she rejected him told him to go to bed and told me about it plus one relationship point my best friend freaking the girl we were supposed to be having a threesome with but I was like a young scared 16 yo I've heard my dad listening to pee through the speakers when I was a kid maybe seven or eight I couldn't even comprehend what I heard and fell asleep shortly thereafter two of my good friends a guy and a girl and I were all sleeping in a waterbed after a hard night of drinking now everyone knew that she was head over heels for him but he always told me that he didn't think of her like that so I didn't think it was a big deal all passing out in same bed I woke up waterbed remind you to those two making out and some possible heavy petting I'd guess I was stuck wake up and ruined something all pretend to sleep and hope it didn't escalate I chose the latter didn't escalate I was the best man at their wedding and now they have two children I wasn't pretending I had been asleep for about 30 minutes while my boyfriend and his buddy were smoking some weed I'm not really sure what woke me up that I kind of became conscious for a few moments but didn't really move or anything so I was just trying to go back to sleep anyway my boyfriend who had been rubbing my back as I slept turned to his buddy and said hey man you see this girl right here I'm gonna marry her one day she's gonna be my wife and his buddy just says yeah dude I know and I'll be standing right there with you when it happens it was so sweet and it was so hard to not just tear up or smile or anything but when things are tough I sure do think of that night couple months ago I was in hospital I was trying to sleep when my parents started to talk I overheard my mother tell my father do you think we did something wrong are we bad parents I knew I was done freaking with my life never cried so much lying in bed when I was a little girl and my stepdad who must have been in there for half an hour jumped out of the airing cupboard at the dark roaring and terrified me still hate people jumping out on me suddenly revealing themselves well one time I heard my brother getting jerked off by his at the time boyfriend so glad we remodeled our house the following year and I got my own room finally didn't necessarily overhear anything but I pretended to fall asleep when I was about 12 because I heard someone coming into the room that my younger sister and I shared and thought it was my mom who would yell at me for being on my ipod at 2:00 a.m. turns out it was a robber with the crowbar he just peeked into the room and went out when he saw us in there really glad I didn't realize until the next morning who it was I have no idea how I would have racked it if it realized some strange man was in my room at 2:00 a.m. quick like this video fast before orgy gets you like this video in 2.1 seconds or shall take all of it if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 391,952

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, fake sleeping, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, top posts of all time

Id: mT9WMQAf3M8

Length: 16min 31sec (991 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 24 2019