-Alright, first name is Tom.
-No, no, no! No names! No names! -And he goes on a --
First name is blank. And he goes on a cruise.
He goes on a Caribbean cruise. -I don't know.
-Katie Holmes. -No. Baaah! But he's married to her! -Oh, Dawson's Creek.
-No, no. It has to be a real person, Jim! Come on! No, no, I'm gonna pass,
I'm gonna pass. Uh...Oh! Okay! Um, rhymes
with Parnold Schporzenegger. -No rhyming!
-Not really a rhyme. -Another clue, another clue! -Okay he's the governor of
California, he's the Terminator. -Those aren't helpful.
-Tom Cruise! -No!
-Time! -God!
Does anybody read the paper?! [ Telephone ringing ] -Dunder Mifflin.
This is Erin. He's not available right now. Uh-huh. Yes. Sure. I'll give him the message
when he gets up -- gets back. -Michael had chicken pot pie
for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that. Michael had an entire
chicken pot pie for lunch a--
Let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire
family-sized chicken pot pie for lunch, and then he
promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying
to be very quiet so as to not wake him up
before 5:00 p.m., which actually should be
in about... ...10 minutes. [ Whispering ]
Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can
change his watch? -[ Whispering ] I can do it. -[ Whispering ]
What do you need from me? [ Normal voice ] Normally,
I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment
with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor
I don't know. [ Laughs ] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor
who shoots your horse in the head
when its leg is broken. -[ Mumbling indistinctly ] [ Car beeps ] -Like clockwork. [ Laughter ] Aw, no. -[ Laughs ] -Uh-oh.
-What's so funny? -You had to be there.
-Okay! Geography joke. [ Laughs ] Oh, m-- Oh, wow. Okay. Alright. Let's all go home.
Come on. See you all tamale. -See you later!
-Bye, Michael! [ Applause ]
-Yes! -Yes!
-Whoo! -We did it!
-[ Vocalizing ] -Yeah! -Michael! Michael! There's an emergency
in the warehouse. -An accident?
Somebody hurt? -No, it...involves
the photograph. -Oh. God.
No, no, no, no, no. [ Clapping ] -Mike, you a rock star, man. You are the man! Well done. -Alright. Okay. -That corporate booty.
-He likes to hit it! -Bring it home now. And don't forget the new
black man phrase I taught you. -Pippity poppity,
give me the zoppity. -Yes, sir.
Remember that. I'll be right outside
if you need me -Alright. -Yeah, I taught Mike
some new phrases. Just can't help myself. -I'm going to
throw you this ball. When you catch the ball,
I want you to say the name of a person very important
to you, somebody really special
who died, and then I want you
to say how they died. Toss the ball to Pam. -I had an aunt
that I was really close to. She was this amazing
female boxer. Um, anyway, she was injured in
a fight, and she was paralyzed. So you can imagine
how upset I was... when I found out
that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube
so she could die. -Wow. Listen, man, I-I got a problem. I think I'm in trouble
with the mob. You usually c-can get out
of stuff like this, so I'm turning to you,
my friend. -I'm gonna help you
through it, alright? -Okay.
-All you're gonna need to... a... I...and then go to...
-Jim? Are you? -...and then you'll be saved.
-What? Wait. I didn't hear a thing
you just said. -Just a...
and then you'll be saved. -No! God! I missed the -- I missed
the important part again. -A...a...
-No. Oh, my God.
-...and you'll be saved. -No, Jim. Please repeat
what you're saying. I can't understand you!
-A...a... My...Bermuda Triangle.
It... -A doctor won't come out
to collect a check for $700 -- or $500 if we go
with the giant check. -Which we are.
-Mm. -And, also, there is no
such thing as a rabies doctor. -How about a rabies nurse?
-I don't think so. -You know what, though? I've actually seen ads
for nurses that you can hire by the hour for, uh,
parties and bachelor events. -Look into that.
-Great. It's gonna cost a couple
hundred bucks and, uh -- oh, actually more with tips. -Hello, Michael. -Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth, right?
-Yeah. -Wow. Very cool you went back
and got your degree. I would like you to accept
this check... for $340, made out to "science." Make sure that that gets
into the right hands. -Great.
-Whoo-hoo! [ Whistling ] -A few years ago, my family
was on a safari in Africa, and, um, my cousin,
Mufasa, was, um -- he was trampled to death
by a pack of wildebeests. And, um, we all took it
really hard -- all of us kind of in the
audience of what happened. -Do you want to talk
about it any more? -Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half
to tell that whole story. -There's still one thing
we could do to get Toby fired. -What's that? -Frame him for using drugs. -Frame him?
-Yeah. -I wanted -- I wanted
to buy some weed. Some...
-What? -...grass, weed. -[ Whispering indistinctly ] Hey, just hold on one second. -I'm not wearing a wire, so... -Why would you even say that? -Hey, that's gonna be $500. -How much?
-$500. [ Drawer opens, bag rustles ] [ Drawer closes ] -Officers, I reveal to you
the perpetrator. -Hey, what is this?
-Search his things. -Sir, can you step away
from your desk, please? -Why?
-Sir, please step away
from your desk. -Hey, what's going on? You don't have my permission
to do this. -Check this out.
-Oh, God! -That is not mine. -Some basil. And salad dressing, I think. -Salad dressing? -Yeah it's a caprese salad. There's a little bit of, uh,
mozzarella right there. -Are you kidding me? That's my salad. -Michael, can I count on you? -You cannot.
I have a thing tonight. -Damn it. -Uh, Michael. -What?
-That reminds me. Um, if the invitation
still stands, Pam and I would love
to have dinner tonight. -Oh, no.
I have a thing tonight. Sh-- That stinks.
-Darn it. -Shoot. -You're on the street and one of your gang disses you. -Oh, my goodness.
-Yeah. Right. So what do you do to get 'em
to make it right? -Well, see, um,
in the gang world, we use something
called fluffy fingers. -What is that? -That's when somebody
really gets in your face. You know, you just
start ticklin' him. -Really?
-Yeah. And he starts tickling you. Pretty soon,
you laughing and hugging. Before you know it, you've
forgotten the whole thing. Y'all can just go
to church together and get an ice cream cone. -I would have never
thought that... gangs would be
tickling each other. -Oh. It's effective. -I was trying to throw
this party once, and everyone was over
for the weekend. And then my Uncle Bernie died, and so me and my best friend, we had to pretend like he was alive so that --
-Wait a second. That's "Weekend at Bernie's." Do you think
that this is a game? -Well, there is a ball.
-Alright, we're starting over. -Hi.
-Good morning. Can I help you?
-Yes. I'm from Techstar about
a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk
to Michael Scott. -I'm sorry.
He's not in right now. -Really? -They have new phone systems now that can ring directly
to a salesman, or someone presses star
and they go to accounting. Basically, 95% of my job. -Michael Scott, manager. Hi. How are you?
-Oh, hi. -There he is.
-Nice to meet you. -Great.
Hey, look at that. -Whew! I can assure you we don't
need a new system, though. Happy with ours.
-Hello. May I help you? -Jimbo. -Jim? -Ayyyyy! -Ayyyyy! -Ayyyyy!
-Ayyyyy! -Ayyyy!
-Ayyyy! -Ayyyy!
-Ayyyy! -Okay. I'm, uh -- I'm gonna be going. [ All "Ayyyy!" ] [ Laughter ] -What was that?
-That was funny. -That was funny. Let's go do it to somebody else. Ayyyy! Jim, Jim. Come here. Do you know who that is? -No.
-Look at him, look at him. T-shirt, jeans.
-Is it you? -[ Chuckles ] I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp. -Where'd you take that?
-In my condo complex. -Oh, my God.
That's right. I read in "People" magazine
that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo
in Scranton. -I'm flipping out, man. Well, you remember my idea
for the fourth "Pirates" movie. -Sure, that they should do one. -[ British accent ]
Hey, Jim, Jim. Where -- Where do I find
the Black Pearl? -Who's that? -[ Normal voice ]
Captain Jack Sparrow. [ British accent ]
Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim. -John Dillinger. -No, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. -Cap'n Crunch.
-Okay, okay. -Crunch Berries.
-Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy
getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you
thought you seen Roger Clemens? -At the Yankees game, right.
-Yeah. Well, it wasn't him. -I had little better reason
to believe that... You're right.
You're right. Well, you're not right,
because Johnny Depp in your condo complex?
-I know. I know! It also explains why the name
on his mailbox was "M Schulman." -M Night Schulman? -And now "Michael the Magic"
will attempt to escape from extreme bondage. 3... 2...
1... go! [ Grunts ] [ Grunting ] -Mm. -[ Grunts ] Aah! -Is everything okay, Michael? -Yes. [ Breathing heavily on P.A. ] [ Laughing on P.A. ] Huh. Ha ha ha! -This morning,
the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that our
phones have a P.A. function. And then he just left. -Toby Flenderson
to the principal's office. Your mother called,
and it appears that you wet the bed again. So you have to get home
to wash your sheets because they're yellow
and they're wet with your urine. -[ Sighs ]
[ Knocking ] -You -- And at 6'6", from the University
of North Carolina, Jim Halpert! -That's pretty funny.
Hey, you know what? Did I drop my, uh... -What?
-What the heck? Is that, uh... -You find it?
-I didn't. I'll look somewhere else.
-Alright. -Alright. -[ Muted ] Would you like
fries with that? Please drive around.
