The Best of Roy Wood, Jr. in Quarantine | The Daily Social Distancing Show

[Music] [Applause] if you've been following the news during this global pandemic then you'd know that the reporter statistics have been as inconsistent as to why fire has which a mama doing a pandemic if we didn't do it you would have had a million people a million and a half people maybe two million people dead but we're going toward 50 or 60,000 people 100 to 200,000 deaths and it looks more like the 60,000 than the hundred to two hundred thousand we have between 100 and 200 thousand it's like an auction but there's one credible source whose numbers are trusted globally one website tracking the coronavirus has become one of the most vital resources for people seeking accurate and updated numbers on the pandemic and income of 2019 dot live and I scored a sit-down with its creator [Music] for you I'm looking for avi Schiffman I'm afraid that's B how do you 17 I need 17 for real just something that Benjamin Button [ __ ] no I'm 17 oh well if you're the real creator this Web site I be if that's your real name good explain how you built it sure the current virus website in particular it works using server-side JavaScript which means you know it's kind of like what PHP was but coded in HTML and CSS what they have and add it to a much larger data set and because these things called a cron job so I have that basically okay you know computer be [ __ ] let's move on most teenagers spend time making highbrow videos this dude chose to make a website tracking a murderous disease why I wanted to make it like just easy to find the information and thought it would just be helpful to some people and you know I started this you know very late December but you know in December yeah around around the 29 I'll be spotted or crisis before our own government despite his superpowers why would a teenager invest so much time on a website that doesn't have nudity what are you trying to get out of this IV MSNBC show cuz they just swap you with Chris Hayes and no one with us if they want to give me one shirt or are you trying to get to a good college could you have to do all this to get in a good college all you have to do is lie and say that she was rowing I mean I really have job offers to do full stack web development I don't necessarily need to to go to college for that and the job offers keep coming because avi site currently has over 6 million visitors from every country on the planet wait no you know I turned on the website but you know because I'm Batman sorry about that I just think you crazy to turn it down free money no disrespect to things I got to remember I we created a site that offers clarity on the effects Coronas having on the planet and secondly i'm a grown-ass man talking to an underage teen online i kind of wrapped us up so which countries are handling it better than the u.s. south korea is definitely handling this way better than the entire world i mean they tested so much of their populations so fast i mean they didn't have to shut down their country meanwhile you know I haven't had school in months so so what do you think we're gonna be looking like in September with this quarantine cuz I got to get out of this house man yeah well I guess we'll have to wait and see if but you know until there's a vaccine and things things will you know probably still be pretty weird for a while so till then I'll just have to focus on the future all right so you've been great with Kovac 19 predictions how are you with sports I've got money on the Lakers to win it all I'm sorry I have to go now I have a meeting with the United Nations oh wait just tell me real quick Lakers yes or no have a good day Abby so no no Lakers what's going on Roy how you doing what's up man how you been well I'm I'm as good as I can be and I'm assuming you've seen that video of Pat Lynch you know the head of the the New York Police Union they're asking us to pull back they're asking us to walk away from you they're asking us to abandon our communities they're asking me to walk away from where I live they're asking me to walk away from where I work they're asking us to walk away from neighborhoods that we brought back and that's what's happening and you know what we don't have a choice if we put our hands on the criminal you're going to jail I'm not being dramatic that's how bad it is what did you make of the video yes I saw Henry Winkler update the microphone doing his thing look like Henry Winkler I thought it was a Happy Days reboot I was like this is a terrible time to bring back this show also sidebar if you're a police union and you vote somebody to be the head of the police union you probably shouldn't have them be named Pat Lynch also big question Trevor where are the rest the black people that are on this diverse Police Department look at this photo that look like a 50-year reunion of a lacrosse team yeah and and Roy another problem is that the police unions are now basically showing people what a powerful force they are they're standing up against the reforms and and they're so well organized that politicians are afraid of them so like the question I have for you is is there anything that can be done to weaken the influence they have cccc the African you think about it wrong man see here's the thing everybody is trying to make the police union weaker but all you need to do is make a stronger union they're stronger than the police union that's why I propose that all black people come together and we form a black people union is called the National black Association wait hold up the NBA think of another name look the point is is that what's this union is together it brings together every black person in the country and if you're black you're automatically approved it's the opposite of a home law okay fine and then what happens once you have the black union how does that help once were organized every year we'll make america negotiate a new deal with us and with our strength in numbers we can finally get our demands met hole cops accountable for misconduct demilitarize the police shift funding away from cops and towards schools and education and while we're at it rescue kanye west from the second place we need embackment ok look Roy that sounds like fair demands but what if America and the black union can't agree on a deal what happens then well then black people just have to take our talents elsewhere like well Ron left Cleveland only now is black people leaving all of America does America really want that do you really want to be without black people no sports no music no more dance moves y'all gonna be on tick-tock doing the hokey-pokey after we leave let go and viral with that [ __ ] I don't know Roy I don't know if black people leave America where will they go we'll go anywhere maybe we'll go to one of them countries that doesn't have police brutality you know the Japan does um does New Zealand there's um what's the what's the white one no way you can go to Norway well you know what I don't think we should go to Norway because I know winter up there is brutal that's a whole different type of brutality to black people so we'll just go to Japan and by the way would we do leave America we'll get ourselves there we don't meet you offering no boat rides I'm following for that no more uh uh travel vouchers only now if you'll excuse me Trevor I need to check on these fifty thousand business cards that I ordered that said NBA on it see if I can get those canceled hey what's up man countries that have imposed strict social distancing have started seeing their transmission rates drop and it looks like it's even working here in New York so that means every single one of us who's staying at home right now is a hero and you know what happens to heroes they make movies about them some heroes are called to the battlefield some heroes to the sky [Music] when the world is at war a dramatic increase in coronavirus cases the world is at war with a hidden enemy a silent army of infection the war against coronavirus America at war one here own will put on the uniform and answer the call of duty but staying at home the fight will not be easy suppliers will be thin but when the only way to destroy the enemy is through self isolation doing nothing means everything [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you know being able to get you some he couldn't hear you to Munich Obama just nibbling on some fries and Gary but that's unprofessional at the second phone you'll be having we're all done with a super long core so you can talk to a girl you couldn't have right stop it I'm going to show you how to cut here so all you need to be worried about the first thing you need to do is take the number two guard and establish a line establish a line who's better Kobe all the Bronk not that long life you gotta let people know where you stand immediately put a fade that's where you want start your fade blending will see yesterday you you can't get the black barbershop experience at home because being at the shop is about community being able to communicate and talk to people and get stuff off your chest you can't get that at home oh right there without it down stair punic for the barbers and the customers we can argue about Kobe in the run too dangerous it ain't worth the risk so if barbers are risking their lives just to give somebody and fade what can we do to help them a little bit of money if we feel like it I mean yeah you can do that you know but at end of the day the best thing you can do to help our business just to stay at home keep with the social distances so that we can in this quarantine as soon as possible we can all get back to work that's right but in the meantime man would you mind doing me a favor sure I guess just tell me you think this bed Kobe LeBron let me tell you something a lot of people give Kobe credit Kobe won autos Raines push at Phil Jackson from winning all those brains where Michael George eat those championships my head keep going keep going let me tell you something they always talk about Big E big it in halves [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah what's up sports fans I'm Roy Wood jr. he's Michael Kosta Kosta I don't know about you but I've been missing sports so much man I know same here Roy I'm so desperate that I've been betting on all the old ESPN games that they've been airing I'm sorry you what oh Jesus you know and I'm down $5,000 but I'm gonna make it back tonight because I'm watching last year's Super Bowl and I've got a feeling the 49ers are gonna win big the Kansas City Chiefs you know what never mind that's gonna impact but I will tell you what I have been watching on ESPN this Michael Jordan 10 part documentary the last damp detail in his last year with the Chicago Bulls quality what well yeah you and everyone else Roy I mean this documentary has everything drama greatness shorts so sure that they leave nothing to the imagination those shorts was so short I could see who had a vasectomy and what to know that old NBA footage with this documentary Kloster it really made me appreciate how fast the fashion trends changed the NBA in just a few short years went from really short shorts to Jordan's enormous baggy suit it was like MC Hammer had a formalwear line anyway let's talk current sports now I don't know what you've been going through faster but all the leads on hiatus and honestly I've been going through baseball withdrawals I have a fever of 104 I have a lot of chills I've been shaken at night a little bit of diarrhea classic signs of baseball withdrawal I think maybe you should get that checked out but you'd be happy know that they are bringing baseball back in Asia with a few tweets if you're wondering what Major League Baseball will look like when it comes back pay attention to South Korea the Korean Baseball Association put on an exhibition game announcing the start of the new season will happen on May 5th games will be played without fans in the stands in the beginning some other rules players can't shake hands or give high-fives and this may be a tough one there's no spitting allowed and in other parts of the world baseball is back but with a bizarre twist in Taiwan cardboard cutouts and mannequins sit in the stands instead of fans you know these mannequins remind me of myself when I watching baseball emotionless bored no nipples my doctors are stumped right oh come on man don't be a hater you gotta have something in the stands just make sure those mannequins aren't imported from Philadelphia because if they are just feel gonna be throwing batteries at you you know I just think these new rules in South Korea are too strict no shaking hands no high-fives no spitting I mean what's even the point you have to change with the times whatever it takes to bring baseball back I'm all for it in fact I'd go a step further if you win the big game to get dumping Gatorade just throw Clorox on each other's head my eyes are burnt but my whites have never been whiter you know what let's talk about football Roy because not only is Tom Brady gonna be a Tampa Bay Buccaneer this upcoming season but he's also gonna be reunited with an old friend after one year away from the game former New England Patriot Rob Gronkowski is coming back to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers once again joining forces with his former teammate newly traded quarterback Tom Brady it then matter brains and no brains this could be a powerful duo you just gotta hope that the season doesn't get delayed too long Tom Brady doesn't have a lot of time left I mean the man it's already 68 years old you'd better watch out for that Corona Tom you're in the most vulnerable demographic I will state this man it's gonna be weird seeing two longtime Patriots donning a Buccaneers uniforms my eyes are gonna know what's going on I think it's gonna be like if they made the Pope the new KFC Colonel and I'm happy for them but it's gonna take some getting used to yeah all right sports dance that's it for now but we'll be back to cover the next big game on the schedule which is let me see the Kent County Michigan crossword competition dad I'll tell you what Roy I don't know what that is but I'm putting two grand on 14 down here we go you have a problem [Music] [Applause] do you want to go outside but hate wearing a facemask they're hard to put on they get all up in your eyes and your breath smells like ass but now you ain't got to worry about covering your face cuz Leo is on the case introducing the Leo Devlin germ blaster strap these suckers to your head and everybody's getting their germs blown back in their face this works for all airborne illnesses such as corona and even got a real go back to where you came from sneeze now you might say but Leo I already have the corona how do I stop my germs from getting other people well guess what I got a solution for that too introducing the Leo Devlin charm sucker strap this baby to your gut if you're asking is this FDA approved let me put it this way the FDA is too busy to not approve it the Leo Devlin germ Blaster sucker gaben $85 [Music] [Applause] [Music] it's a 120 by the fairgrounds next to footlocker [Music]

Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Views: 476,476

Rating: 4.8801646 out of 5

Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, daily show trump, trevor noah trump, trump, coronavirus, corona, virus, COVID, COVID-19, roy wood jr., roy wood jr, best of roy, roy, quarantine, haircut, black hair, police unions, sports, leo deblin, germ blaster

Id: Fr-Mwp2esC0

Length: 20min 22sec (1222 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 05 2020