(rock music) - Let's get back in here,
let's get back in here, Let's get back in here. (cheering) - [Male] Yeah, yeah, yeah! - And our very, very special guest who can barely fit on
our tiny little couch. The one and only, Christopher
"Big Black" Boykin (applause) The exercise ball, the yoga ball, you're supposed to get on it
and get your back correct, use it at your desk, stand
on it and lift weights, that's what I do. It's gonna make me skate better. But here's the thing about
these balls, they're dangerous. Mr. 'Big Black' Boykin. - Yes. - We had a big ball incident. - You know I had a
offensive lineman flashback. (laughs) - Take a look at this. These things never cease to blow my mind. - [Big] What? - Just, the ridiculousness of this. - It's a real man's shirt right there. - [Rob] I'm saying it's
a massive man's shirt. Oh! Oh boy. Do work, do work, 22 son, 22 son. Son do work son. (thudding) (groaning)
(laughing) All right, take it back, take it back. Look at this flashback here. Look at him jump up, put full arm into it. He saw me coming, jumped up,
and just double fist popped me. (laughing) - I wasn't all conference for nothing. (laughter) - [Rob] You guys
understand your jobs here? - Yes. - This is a larger-than-life
presentation, okay? When you're going this big and you're trying to
get a deal of this size, you've gotta swell expectations. - Don't you think this is like
a dong overload a little bit? - When it comes to something like ExtenZe, you can never have too many big dongs. Okay? - You're in the dong business. - Okay, you ready? - I'm ready. - Okay, you got your speech and all that? - I got it. - Okay, so if you can rock your
shirt, I'd appreciate that. Young lady, one for you. - Thank you. And Mr. Big Cat. Let's fill girthy in
and let's get to work. - Should I go get them right now? - That's right, be gentle! Don't talk about their dongs. (laughing)
- Shut up! - Here we go guys. - Oh boy, surrounded by dong. - Here you go, you guys
can have a seat right here. (R & B music) - Hello, good people of ExtenZe, welcome to the Fantasy Factory. We have one of the longest,
strongest, largest, biggest presentations you
will ever see in your life. Without further ado please
allow me to introduce the one and only Mr. 'Big Black' Boykin. (energetic music) (laughing) (roaring engine) (hooting) (clapping) - Guys, thank you for coming out today. When I heard, that you guys
was doing a black pill, instantly I thought, 'Why not Big Black?' Look at me. It's about being big and girthy. - And black. - And Black, and as you guys can see, I am not afraid to tackle this topic head on. (laughing) Guys, thank you for your
time and consideration, and remember, you can never be too big. (clapping) - Wow - Thanks a lot. - Thank you, That was amazing. - That was awesome. - Couldn't find a better representative of our company than you. - Are you guys interested
in taking a ride in it? - Hell yeah. - I mean, let's do it. - I mean, it is the big black thing. All it needs now is a nice logo. - I don't know. Two white guys in a black dong. (laughs) - You want to know what it means? Big sales. (cheering and honking) - Yeah! - Congratulations, look at that. You are gonna be on billboards,
commercials everything. We certainly had some good
times on "Rob & Big" didn't we? - Oh yeah. - Let's take a look at some
Christopher 'Big Black' Boykin's highlights from the "Rob & Big" days. (jazzy music) (gasps and laughter) - Appetizer. - It's 9:30 in the morning. (jazzy music) (screaming) - what your mother say, stomp. What your sister say, stomp. (cheering and applauding) - At any point, have you
ever done anything inside that's an outside activity? - Me and my brother would
go at it in the room and kick the wall in. - Okay, kick a wall in. - Nothing worse trying to
re-plaster a wall when, your leg is like right through it trying to fool your mom. - What'd you say happened? - Just said No idea.
- [Rob] You had no idea. (laughter) What's going down? - Tell you what's not going down, this Chris drama path
being unhappy and lonely. So I have two models coming down here and then here's the thing. I'm gonna put an earpiece in each of them. We'll be able to listen
to everything they say. We can say all the right things that they will repeat
that make him extra happy. - Can you play me one of
your instrumentals you got? I know you're a producer. - Don't get technical, you gotta be like, What else do you do? I love music. Oh, I'd love to hear some music. - Do you have any slow tracks that you've been working
on, any slow music? What can I say? - Slow tracks, girls don't call it tracks. - Okay, all right, go back, go back. - I'd love to hear some of your music. - Any pop music? (laughs)
(beep) Dude - Pop, pop? - That's as good as I can get. - All right okay, look
we're just gonna have to hope he doesn't find out. - Okay. (music) How you doing? Hi Whitney. - First of all, I'd like to thank you guys for joining us in this
crisis that we're in. It's not often that
beautiful young ladies are brought to a place to wear earpieces all to make a young man happy. He recently broke up, so what better to do than put him around beautiful young girls? Me and Big Black here
are gonna be on this mic. We will hear everything that
you say and he says, okay? I think we're good to go. - Hi Chris! - Hi. - [Whitney] I'm Whitney. - I'm Nica, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. [chris] Did somebody put
you up to this visit? - Just here to lift your spirits. We thought it'd be fun to just hang out. - Yeah, Rob sent us over. - Great, great, well it's not too exciting
in here right now, unfortunately I'm just waiting
for the day to be over, surfing the web. - [Rob] Well, it looks
pretty cool in here. Who designed this place. - It looks pretty cool in
here who designed this place? - I did. - Really? - Yeah. - [Big] Are you an artist or something? - Are you an artist or something? - I am not, I'm just
a creative normal guy. - [Rob] Ooh, creative, that's cool. - I like creative, creative's cool. - Oh, do you? - Mhmm. (laughter) - [Chris] Did he tell you
to ask these questions or are these real questions? That seemed like a question
he told you to ask. - [Rob] Why are you so paranoid? - Why are you so paranoid? - [Rob] We just want to have fun. - We just want to have fun. - My stomach's starting to hurt. - My stomach kind of hurts. - I see somebody's not ready to have fun. - [Rob] No, I just think
it's gas or something. - I just think it's gas or something. - Oh my god, that's not fun. (laughing) - (murmur) Did you just fart for real? - Did you just fart? - Oh my god, is that
your joke or something? - No, it smells. - It smells. - Really bizarre, hey Rob. Did you put them up to these weird ideas? - How would I do that? - Well, I'm guessing they
came from your office. - Or maybe they came from
this mic and their earpieces. - Really? - That's right. Weren't you happy at all? - Nuh-uh. - [Rob] Not even a little bit? - Nope. (growling) - [Big] Are you ready for your training? - [Male] This is your training. - I'm scared.
- Your scared. - I'm scared.
- Your scared. All right I was just
doing a little precursor with 55 pound dogs. - Okay. - Let's get out here and
see what a true lion's got. (western music) (growling) (thudding) (growling) (thudding) - That's how you do it, that's
a tiger attack right there. - I mean you gotta be prepared, I didn't see that one coming. (western music) (growling)
(thudding) (screaming) (growling)
(thudding) (screaming) - Man that's a good
one, that's a good one. I was ready, I had that elbow up. - I was just waiting on you
to get out of the bathroom. - Okay.
- Cool. (western music) - Tiger ball! (growling) (yelling) Tiger headlock. Incoming! (laughter) - [Rob] Oh god. (murmur) oh god. - [Big] You all right son? - [Rob] You buried me. (talking over each other) It ain't fighting night. It's what you did for months of training. Right now, I'm trained and
ready for a tiger attack. (jazzy music) - Oh my gosh, I fell asleep
in a tanning bed today. (laughs) - [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, please put your jazz hands
together for Robert Lightfoot and Silky Black and the Old Gray Cupids. - Hey, don't slow it down yet! Don't slow it down, come on. Give it up for my man Silky! (applause) I know y'all out here
trying to have a good time a lot of you look like you're
in love I like love, right? When we came up with this song, we called it 'perfect girl', right? And what it's really about is finding love and treating a woman right. Okay Cupids, give it to us. (jazz music) Ooh, taking me back now, Silky! - 1986, baby. ♪ Baby ♪ ♪ what you doing with me at
night is so so right, girl ♪ ♪ What is it Silky ♪ ♪ She's the perfect
girl, the perfect girl ♪ ♪ Baby girl, I know you're hungry ♪ ♪ For the love of your life ♪ ♪ But let me tell you one thing ♪ ♪ What you tell me. ♪ ♪ What we're doing feels so right ♪ ♪ So right ♪ ♪ And it feels so good girl ♪ ♪ So good ♪ ♪ Everything that you do ♪ ♪ What you doing ♪ ♪ I need to let you know girl ♪ ♪ I'm deeply in love with you ♪ ♪ Oh so in love ♪ ♪ Two wrongs can't stop our love ♪ ♪ Feel the planets, heaven, stars above ♪ ♪ With a passion oh so bright ♪ ♪ That booty knocks me
out like a Tyson right ♪ ♪ Is it going down tonight ♪ ♪ Give it up girl I just can't fight ♪ ♪ Come and hear Big Silky roar ♪ ♪ Purr purr perfect girl ♪ ♪ Baby ♪ ♪ What you do to me at
night is oh so right girl ♪ ♪ Cause you the perfect
girl the perfect girl ♪ Ooh, I'm feeling love here right now How about you two right there? I know that looks like
an aspiring young couple. I'll tell you what if you
love the girl next to you, lock her lips up tough right now. ♪ Perfect girl perfect girl ♪
- Come on. ♪ Perfect girl perfect girl ♪
- Come on. ♪ Perfect girl perfect girl ♪ ♪ Perfect girl ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ - All right, thank you all, thank you all. Y'all find love, find peace and happiness and never forget,
everybody's perfect somehow. Take care. - I'm available for private
parties and Bar Mitzvahs. (applause) - [Rob] We're you for you
man, this is cutting edge, butt smoothing. - Why don't you just tell me what is it you're looking for to do? - Well I got a prostate
exam coming up soon, I'm getting kind of self-conscious cause I wanna make sure
my butt looks smooth and looking good when I go in
there and I take that finger. - That's a very valid reason. We actually have the latest cutting edge
technology right now. It's called the VelaShape 3. What it does it uses
infrared light energy. It helps shrink some of
the excess fat cells there. This is the treatment specifically for making your butt look better. If you want to take it up one more notch, it's our Fire Gold Ice facial. It's actually real 24 carat gold. - Smooth gold, rich smooth gold. - I need, yes, a gold watch ass. - Then I think that's perfect for you. - [Big] Alrighty. - Let's get to it, man. (blues music) - All right. - This is weird. - You're gonna feel a
little hot sensation here. (laughs) - You could fall asleep
right now and you could wake up with a perfectly smooth butt. - Let me tell you something, you don't fall asleep when
you've got a vacuum on your ass. (laughs) (electric humming) - [John] Okay, very good, all set. It's already looking firmer. - So I don't know how the VelaShape felt but this will be a
little bit more stinging, kind of burning feeling. Okay here we go.
- All right. - There it is again. He's so relaxed and happy now. - Two girls, one ass, I love it. (laughs) Totally joking. - [Rob] Man, it looks pretty smooth. - [Female] Feel soft, too. - That's what it's about. Here we go. (rap music) - I bet you ain't no
rapper's got this done. (laughing) That's thug stuff, You a real thug, You get gold on your ass. (laughing) - [female] Okay. - [Rob] Look at this, man. - Wow. - Look at that man, you
see that, look at that man. - I got that gold on that ass. - Look at that man, You went
from a bumpy, beat up booty, to a thing of beauty. - [female] So now we're gonna
massage it in and remove it. Alrighty. - Ladies, my butt thanks
you, my B bro thanks you. - [female] Alrighty we'll let you change. - Thanks Marsa thanks Janelle, great. - I'm blown away man, I appreciate you thank you.
- doing this for us. I know big black booty
- very nice to meet ja. appreciates it. - Just pound it, you felt my
butt, so we gotta pound down. (laughs) - Get dressed, let's get out of here. - Yes sir (rock music) - You already ready? - That's not a real thing. - [Big] I got the eye
of the bear, I'm ready. - All right, you understand
the scene, it's been set. Wolf and the Bear, aka
The Strike Slinger versus these two guys, total score, winner gets to go back to the office and smash out the other guys' windows. Now, those will be
replaced by me, of course, if we somehow in some
freakish accident lose, right. (laughs)
- I can't wait. - Because it was nice dusting
this off, it's been a while. - You just bought that.
- It looks brand new. - What, you think I just made this? You think this just comes out of nowhere? - [Hats] Yes, I guess. (laughs)
- I guess so - Can we get started? - Please.
- I mean, please. - May the best man win.
- Good luck. - [Hats] Take the sack off. - [Rob] Ain't nothing
but strikes right now. - [Hats] Take the sack
off, dude, seriously. - [Rob] No. - Strike slinger. - [Rob] We aint talk about, we just, get in there bear, get
in there bear, come on. That's what we talking about bear, that's what we talking about bear. - Why am I doing this? (laughing) (murmuring) - Just worst case scenario. - Oooh. - Just a bit outside. (laughing) - [Rob] Here goes (murmur)
- Here we go. - [Chris] There it is,
- it go curve in. - [Chris] there it is. - [Hats] Hell no. - I honestly cannot fathom where you would possibly
learn how to bowl like that. (rock music) - There it is, there is the seven-pointer. (rock music) - I know you, what are
you doing right now? - I don't know. - You just scratched your
ass with an actual paw. - [Big] Come on strike dude. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. - Let's get back in yeah! - Let's get back in yeah,
let's get back in yeah, let's get back in yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - [Chris] Oh my god, this is insane. - He's devastated. - [Chris] Devastating.
- Devastated. - I'm never gonna be able to Instagram that I'm bowling again. - [Rob] That puts us at
241, we got these guys. We got these guys, what's he got here? (suspenseful music) - [Rob] Oh man, (murmur)
just had to save your ball, had to get that, aw man, damn it. You guys are great bowlers man. - I'll let you hold this
for good luck next time. - I don't know if I want that. - [Rob] I think it's time
that we pass down a legacy. - Pass it on down. - No, I don't want your ball-sack. - Look, no you guys deserve
this, you're champions, that's our legacy, you're
the next generation. The Slinger's out, and
the Bear's on the move. - We could do without this. - Thank you. - Dammit. - Bowling's so played out. - Oh I smell something. - What do you smell? - Golden sport pure victory.
- That's what I smell. - Okay, here's the deal. I've been thinking about your competition. A beautiful young model, Melanie Iglesias - Can't cook. - John Legend. - I got us last time. - Okay, okay, how was it? - It was great, can he go in here and make
a good snack sandwich? - I'm guessing not. - I don't think so. - Let's get it. - Let's handle it. (orchestra music) - [Director] Five, four, three, - Welcome to Snack-Off, these
three celebrity snacksters will be competing for the chance to win the illustrious golden spork. Big Black, do you have the skills to take home the golden spork? - Do a hog love slop? (laughter) - Yes! - Put 25 minutes on the clock... let's save the children, y'all! Come on!
(drum roll) (rock music) - I'm gonna make a sloppy
joe breakfast sandwich. - What is Big Black doing right now? Is he tracing something? - One minute, one minute
left in the competition. Five, four, three, two, one. Hands up! All right you drumsticks,
let's see what you got. (tense music) Judges? - First person being eliminated today is, Melanie. - Congratulations. - Thank you. - Bye! - [Director] All right
guys, bring it in, please. - What are we talking about here. - I told you, man.
- What we talking about. What are we talking about
man we're halfway to victory, nothing can stop you. - Let's do it. - [Director] Here we go. Five, four, three, two. - Whoa. - In this final round you will each have 30 minutes to create your
ultimate super-snack, which must showcase today's
mystery munchy, Chrissy - [Chrissy] Butterfingers! - Let's save these children, y'all. (intense music) - Big Black, what do
you got going on here? - I'm going to make
Butterfinger fried chicken. - That is what John's doing as well. - [Host] 10 minutes, 10 minutes
left in the competition. - [Big] (beep) They
child-proofing ice cream now? (growl) - That is the smartest
thing I've ever seen. - [All] Five, four, three, two, one. They are done! Hands up!
Stop cooking celebrities! Turn around, Big Black, turn around! All right you drumsticks,
let's see what you've got. Very confident. - That is Butterfinger fried chicken with a butterfinger rum shake. - The chicken's actually
cooked really well, it was really good. John, let's see what you've got. - [John] The fried chicken has buttermilk with Butterfinger crumbs. - Your milkshake I do actually
like that quite a bit. Your breading is better. This sauce is just slightly
less successful than Black's. - All right judges, it
is now time to crown the Snack-Off champion. Who will win the thousand
dollars for their charity and become keeper of the golden spork? - Today's Snack-Off champion is... Go warm up the hot tub,
John, because it's Big Black. (cheering) - Congratulations Big Black, you won the $1,000 for your charity and most importantly you are keeper of the mythical golden spork. Thanks for joining us on Snack-Off. Spread love, it's the Mongolian way. (clapping) - Yo what you do, what you do? Thank you all, thank you all
for being honest, real judges. Thank you for not being biased. Congratulations man. Please, man, look at this, look at this. Welcome back to Ridiculousness. Now, this next category
is so absolutely special because it's from the "Rob & Big" days. Big Black, not only are
you a male stripper, but my friend, you are one of the greatest to ever do it. Take a look at Black Lavender. (sensual music) - [female] Make it rain! - [Rob] Yeah, Oh my god. (cheering) oh my god. Go back to the jiggle! Go to the jiggle! Go to the jiggle! - He flicked it, he flicked it. - Go to the jiggle. (laughing) - He flicked it (laughing) (clapping) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, he flicked it, oh my god. - Dude taught me that backstage. - Ladies and gentlemen, Black Lavender. (cheering) - [Big] What are these, man? - This is the beginning
of taking you on the childhood journey that you should've had. - Okay? - You could've never
ridden something like this. - [Big] I can't get on that now. - Okay, take a look at this. You were robbed of your
ability to have fun, and do unique stuff. Well, guess what? - Oh man.
- What? - What do we got here? What do we got here? We got a custom joint made. Look at that down The Bbs, man. You could put a 700 pound man on this. - What? - Here's your opportunity,
when was the last time you were hoping to ride a trike? - Never. - Never. - Dude, I still have anxieties - Let's go, man, let's go, man. Get on there, man, let's have some fun. - Just three buddies. - Three guys just cooking, man. Oooh! - Yeah. Watch this, watch this! - [Rob] Man, you are
just living right now. Oh, get on that drift man. (cheering) (classic rock music) They're some good times. - I think if I would've had a Big Wheel, I probably wouldn't have been as big, would've got some cardio in. - It's a fact. - You don't give us nothing to play with, guess where we're going? - You're stuffing your
fat face with donuts. - Exactly. (laughing) - Yeah, you're it! - No you didn't! You didn't get me, dude! - You're it! - Ah, dammit. - I tell you what, man,
this is just the beginning. We're not stopping until
we literally allow you to experience everything
you should have been able to experience as a child. - I don't know how it could get any better than this right here, dog. - It gets better, and it
gets bigger just you wait. Look at that thing, man.
- [Chris] That thing is huge. - [Big] Man, that's huge. - We are talking about a
full-scale, giant man horse. I mean, what do you think
when you see this thing? - Dude, I see utter enjoyment, man. - [Rob] Look at that, they're
kissing, they're kissing. I don't know if that's a good thing, I think this horse could eat that horse. Are you ready to live
your dreams or what, man? - Let's do it.
- All right, Big Black you're gonna
throw your right foot there and then your left foot right in there. - I got you. - Throw yourself over. - Nothing!
- Horse didn't even budge! - [Rob] Look at that guy! - You comfortable? - How sturdy is this dude
right here I'm sitting on? - Should be very sturdy. - Okay, okay, just wondering. (laughing) - I just can't get over, man. It's like, this is making me more
happy than it's making you. - Lot of years to get this to happen. - Let's just saddle up
and let's go riding, man. - Jump up throw your leg over. - Remember how to operate horses? - [Rob] Oh yeah, man. Had one of these suckers up at 50. (country music) - Whoo! - You look like a true
authentic cowboy, man. - I'm so good with the
young lady just guiding me with the horse, son. ♪ My big homie had a dream ♪ ♪ And I knew what he meant ♪ ♪ Need a horse that
allows me to do my thing ♪ - I just a big brother
that wanted to ride a horse just one time in his life. - He looks relatively small on that. (laughs) - He is perfectly proportioned. - I have never seen an animal
that made me look so small. - This is just the beginning,
we're on a journey man. - I don't know what could
get better than this, bro. (horses whinny)
- Whoo! - Yeah, you see what I'm
saying, I'm up here rearing. (horses whinny)
- Whoo! You don't wanna do that. That's some small-man
horse action right there. - No, I'm good with that. - There you go, keep coming, keep coming. There, perfect, take you out of that. - You know what's better
than getting on a horse? Getting off. - Just living dreams man, living dreams - That's a mellow horse man. - I appreciate so much, appreciate it. - Good seeing ja. - Thank you buddy. - We're all about
redemption, big horse style. My equestrian walk. (laughs) - It's that bow-legged stomp? - They call it the equestrian stomp. (laughs)
