♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Toothbrushes fresh ♫ ♫ ...brushes fresh ♫ Man, Thanksgiving is the hardest holiday to market. Look at these numbers! Turkey sales are down 15%. 47% of Millennials are just going to buy a pizza instead. Do you know why Christmas gets all the attention and glory? Commercialism. Christianity, the Hallmark Channel... Music. The songs maketh the holiday, and Thanksgiving has no songs. But how can we compete? There are literally hundreds of beloved Christmas songs. Exactly, which is why we will Thanksgiving-ify the ones that already exist . . . . . . with the help of my good friend, Lamar W. Cranberry! Y'all ready to give some thanks? *Matt smiles evilly* Are y'all ready to give some thanks? I don't know if this is a good ide- Hit it, Lamar! ♫ Oh, I'm dreaming of a Black Friday! ♫ ♫ When they were actually on Friday, woah-oh . . . ♫ This one's kind of depressing. Let's lighten it up a little, Lamar - something about the family. You got it, boss. ♫ Rudolf, my creepy uncle! ♫ ♫ Hugs for five seconds too long. ♫ Just sing about food. Sing about food. Integral part of every Thanksgiving. *laughs creepily, like Uncle Rudolf* ♫ I really can't stay! ♫ ♫ Gravy, it's cold outside. ♫ (in unison) ♫ Gravy, it's cold outside. ♫ Stop! Okay, is the only thing you changed about this song turning the word "baby" into "gravy?" Maybe? He's a genius. *groans* Just . . . let Lemar do what he do. We keep cramping his style. Go for it, Lamar. Let loose. ♫ Mashing potatoes, ♫ ♫ Mother cooks all day, ♫ ♫ Rage builds up, and then she snaps! ♫ Maybe the next one? Let's just move on. ♫ Oh, canceled flight! ♫ ♫ We're in the airport crying! ♫ Keep going. ♫ Little Cornish hen, yum, yum yum yum, yum! ♫ Oh, yeah. ♫ My only friend, yum yum yum, yum. ♫ Who would listen to this? I might. ♫ Old Columbus just showed up; don't accept his blankets! ♫ Whoa! Stop! No? [in disapproval] Mm mm. Mm mm. ♫ Do they know it's turkey time, at all?! ♫ I didn't hate it. I didn't hate it. I liked it. ♫ On the fourth hour of eating, my colon said to me . . . ♫ ♫ Mmwoh, hhrum hhrum, hueh, heeeee . . . ♫ He has a gift. We're listening to the same thi- ♫ Five turkeys! ♫ ♫ Four turkey turkeys, ♫ ♫ Three turkeys, ♫ ♫ Two turkeys, ♫ ♫ And a turkey in a turkey! ♫ All right, that's it; we're done. I can't take this anymore. Come on. Give Lamar one more chance? Give Lamar one more chance. Give Lamar one more chance. You've got one more chance. ♫ Napping on ♫ ♫ Quite peacefully ♫ ♫ Dreaming of ♫ ♫ Obesity ♫ ♫ I ate too much food ♫ ♫ (Hardly even chewed) ♫ ♫ Just testing out the strength of my waistband (It's strong!) ♫ ♫ Testing out the strength of my waistband (Walmart brand!) ♫ ♫ Testing out the strength of my waistband ♫ *moment of silence for appreciation of stupendous talent* You know, this might actually work. I love it. It's a Thanksgiving miracle! *success* *weird harp sound effect* Santa?! Is that really you?! Yo, Mr. Kringle, you gotta check out this album. It's- Ho ho ho . . . . . . no. . . . what are you . . .? If you release that album, I'll put you on my list. The naughty list? THE HIT LIST! I've stationed Blitzen out the front door. And remember: I see you when you're recording. What do we do? There are some things worth dying for. Hit it, Lamar! Gobble gobble! ♫ HAAAAAAAAA- ♫ ♫ Toothbrushes fresh ♫ Happy holidays from JK! Studios! Special thanks to Noisebox News for letting us use their studio in this sketch! Also, did you know we were in the Jane.com Christmas commercial? You should check it out! We'll put the link in the description below. Yo, f'real, that made me look good, too, so . . . We looked great. So good! ♫ Singing those Christmas songs! ♫ ♫ Merry Christmas ♫ ♫ Happy Holidays ♫ I was- That was the song- I know ha ha ha Merry Christmas, guys. turkey is good
