Teachers, What’s the Weirdest Thing You’ve Confiscated in Class?

teachers what's the weirdest thing you've had to take away from a student it was december or january and we were having one of those lockdowns where the police come in with dogs to sniff for drugs we were all locked in our classrooms and no students were allowed out even to visit the restroom one of my students was white as a ghost very afraid i asked him what's the matter but it was obvious he was afraid he was about to get busted he said do you think the dogs will go to my locker i said i don't know do you have something to be worried about he said there's a ham and cheese sandwich in there i scratched my head a bit i'm sure it's no problem to have a sandwich he said yeah but it's been in there since september that reminds me of this kid who spilled weeks old coffee that he had in his locker our class was in the same hall and dear god did it smell terrible three stroke four of class time was spent brainstorming ways to save ourselves from the smell no amount of axe helped eyeballs i worked with a blind student with autism when he would get angry he would pop out his glass eyeballs and throw them across the room they were expensive so mom asked that we put them in a plastic bag in his backpack if he threw them no more eyeballs for you today not a teacher but was part of almost eliminating the prize box in my kids class kid is in kindergarten i'm friends with a few of the other fathers in her class one of the things her class has is a prize box if the kids are all on their game for the week or a kid does something especially good they get to choose something from the box it's filled with the kind of stuff you would find in a blister pack in the dollar store stuff like a little plastic car or a bouncy ball or whatever anyway the kids love it the parents apply stuff for it so one day my kid comes home with a freaking kazoo from the thing nothing like a six-year-old who just figured out how a kazoo works while you are trying to work from home so immediately i fire off an email to the list of my fellow dads asking what was his put kazoos in the prize box and then see that two other people had beat me to the question one of the guys finally replies backhead and it was on i counted with whistles someone else had this annoying popping thing someone else got the world's worst balsa planes so like the second time it flew it was destined to snap in half and upset your kid this went on for like a good two weeks before someone crossed the line and sent in glitter by this point the teacher was on to us and told our wives on us this is officially my favorite story here entire menagerie of live insects one afternoon my class decided that they should see how many bugs they could capture and keep alive in my classroom the next day i returned from covering lunch duty in another part of the school and noticed that one of the cubbies had paper towel taped over the front like a curtain before i could investigate i noticed several tupperware containers hiding in desks dozens of worms that was the cubby many assorted beetles uncounted ants four bees a wasp and most upsetting several flies which were crazy glued to index cards and had their wings removed that was a long day in a long year how tf did they safely catch a wasp was it loose in the room instant pudding my student was mixing it in a large cool whip container using milk from lunch right in the middle of a lesson on macbeth they were making their own witch's brew a whole salami kid kept walking over to his backpack and sticking his face in to take secret bites without me noticing i noticed this one is the funniest to me because it is just such a kid thing to do this is my brother's story and he was the kid it was a sandwich bag full of spiders he collected them during recess and one of the monitors probably got freaked out my brain omitted the bag when i read it the first time i've never been more curious about lobotomies until now first thing that came to mind a drawing of a peanut one kid said he had a peanut allergy so a boy drew a peanut on a piece of paper and started shoving it in the other boy's face and being a general dong with it boom roasted christmas ornaments they were throwing them at each other and it eventually caused a fight next to that would be a curtain rod he found it and kept hitting people with it b.o.n.k handcuffs from an eight-year-old girl not quite police grade but more than just some adult fun cuffs sent that down to the counselor we had a fifth grade student of a police officer cuff his friend to the play structure on the playground a few years back had to call the campus cop over to figure it out poor lad didn't look any worse for weir just had to chill alone outside for a bit while his friends got back to class my sister's teacher had to call my dad about a suspicious powder my sister was eating out of a bag at school she was dipping her finger in a bag of powdered jello and eating it and letting other kids do the same in a somewhat similar vein a dumb trend went around my school that consisted of kids violently snorting dip dab powder sherbet then proceeding to scream in pain when they had a nosebleed and all pretend they were high this was an all-girls school don't ever let the boys cool girls boring memes fool you we also do dumb crap a small trinket box about palm sized decorated with gems and glitter with a live mouse inside the mouse was named jimmy and had been caught in the child's house free my man jimmy he didn't do nothing wrong a girl had about 50 plastic spoons in her pocket she tripped and teal fell out we all found it hilarious but a high up teacher was walking by and made her pick them up she was going to anyway and put them all in the bin he was probably very confused over the whole situation why would she even have them on feo and that many too obligatory not a teacher i'm an ea educational assistant in a school plastic spoons hundreds of them i still don't know why but one grade five kid came to school with his backpack stuffed full nothing else was in his backpack not even his lunch he hung it on the back of the chair and pulled out a spoon and was fiddling around with it instead of doing work so i took the spoon away ten minutes later he has another one i took that 10 more minutes a third the teacher took it away 10 minutes later another you can see the pattern here i finally opened his backpack when i saw him grab the sixth or seventh spoon and the bag was full obviously the teacher had to call home since he had no lunch mom comes looks at him with just resignation and goes why as she hands him his lunch he shrugged grinned and walked back to class mom is clearly used to it and has learned to go with the flow if i had a nickel for every time a worrying amount of plastic spoons was confiscated from a fifth grader in this post i'd have two nicholas which isn't a lot it's just weird that it happened twice former teacher here wasn't part of the initial apprehension but was part of the follow-up investigation weirdest thing was a bag of turtles yep kid caught a bunch of the little salmonella filled red eared sliders at a local pond on his way to school one day we had a turtle black market at the school by noon and by the end of the day the principal had a dozen in a bowl in his office kid got caught because a terrible smell was reported from his locker janitor opened it up and there was a bag of turtles the rest of the day was spent tracking down the ones that had already been sold the way this is written definitely makes it sound like the principal had bought turtles from this black market not a teacher but a friend of a teacher a letter to his other friend about how he once masturbated in class they are extremely awkward now yep incredibly strange that kids use letters these days texts would make much more sense ziploc bags filled with water that was a trend for a while at my school kids would claim they needed it in case they got thirsty but usually would just try to pop them in each other's laps during class that is a very schoolboy thing actually holding the thing that can freak you up for the sake of the game a flavored condom from a kindergartner this little boy comes into music class at 1pm or so and he's been at school since nine o'clock and says to me look i have a candy and holds up a wrapped strawberry flavored condom trying to cause a scene i tell him remember we're not going to eat a music class because it's hard to sing with candy in our mouths i pointed out the pocket on his jean jacket with a snap button closure and tell him to put it in there making a mental note to tell teacher later i always try to avoid losing control of a room of twenty five stroke six year kid puts condom in his pocket and i start music class later on i see him putting something in his mouth put that back in your pocket for after school or something to that effect pretty sure food is scarce at home to taking it away would have been a huge scene teacher comes at the end of the half hour lesson and i discreetly tell her what's going on and she says she'll handle it great after school the middle-aged male school counselor comes up to me and says thanks to you i've been walking around in elementary school all afternoon with a flavored condom in my pocket sorry not sorry why would he keep it in his pocket lol a can of deodorant you're probably thinking hey that's not that weird except that the two kids were using it by spraying it on the back of the other and then setting fire to the thing in the middle of the class they didn't see any problem with it because it only stays lit for a few seconds oh my god the kids at my middle school did this too we had an entire assembly where they yelled at us about it a kid brought blue gatorade in a windex bottle to lunch on april fool's day and we had to take it so younger kids wouldn't think it was real thank you so much for the awards and upvotes i never expected this better than my friend who always had a bottle of mouthwash that was actually just vodka with food coloring then in college there was the girl with the starbucks cup of wine in middle school we had a special currency that they'd hand out to students for helping out or being kind that would then be able to be used to buy books or other small trinkets somehow during the year i obtained a bunch of dental plaque pills they turn the plaque on your teeth a certain color to help you brush your teeth i guess in this case it was a dark purple and i didn't brush my teeth very well at the time so taking one would make my entire mouth a deep purple color i thought i'd freak out my school friends with one and they all thought it was really cool and wanted to know how i did it so i bring some more the next day and give a couple out to friends who then show other kids and tell them that i can make their mouths purple too so next day i brought all my plaque pills to school and start charging one dollar in school currency for one pill sometimes if a kid didn't have money i'd make them give me whatever cool stuff they had that i needed keychains pencil sharpeners whatever they were willing to trade and of course all these other middle schoolers didn't do a good job of brushing their teeth either so every kid i sold a pill too ended up with a dark purple color coating their entire mouth while a bunch of kids mouths turning purple was quickly noticed by multiple staff members who would have guessed and apparently i went to school with a bunch of little narcs because very quickly i found myself in the principal's office they took all my pills my school money and most of the other items that they were able to prove didn't belong to me even though i traded it fair and square principal was livid all i remember of the end result was waiting in the office getting yelled by the principal zoning off as i imagined all the ways i was going to get my butt beat when my dad eventually came to pick me up and this angry principal told him all about my little operation but miraculously some lady came out of a room saying hey principal your meeting is starting right now we can't wait any longer and the principal looking frustrated but telling me that they would be right back and that i was still in a lot of trouble and as soon as they walked into another room my dad walked in and asked if i was ready to go which was answered with a very hasty yup the rest of the year felt like some weird twilight zone none of the other kids mentioned it again dad never mentioned it staff never mentioned it never talked to the principal again and made sure to avoid them like the plague i never got in trouble and i will never understand how now i just sell coke like a responsible adult i don't want to any of that purple butt tooth pill crap here ever again just be a responsible adult and sell coke not a teacher but in third grade the teacher had to confiscate all the origami cranes in the room because one kid decided to make and sell them at a quarter apiece he got caught when he started selling on the playground i thought it was fricked up we had to give up all the paper cranes in our desks but we didn't get our quarters back i named mine swan and was very sad to see her go this seems pretty harmless i don't understand why people bother it's just kids stuff also your crane's name made me chuckle not a teacher but my third grade teacher had to confiscate a dead rat from a kid in my class i to this day have no idea where the kid got it from live rats are hard to catch dead rats not so much panties they had fallen out of a girl's gym bag in the previous class when i came in the room after standing duty in the hall three boys were flinging them back and forth across the room never a dull moment i'm not a teacher but i taught my friend in eighth grade how to make pipe cleaner caterpillars since our school was discarding hundreds of bags of pipe cleaners she found them all put them in her backpack and made these caterpillars the only thing is she made around 1 000 of them until our teacher realized the teacher tossed them in the garbage but they just changed it so while the teacher wasn't looking she grabbed them all and put them back in her desk stealth 100 during my student teaching i had to utter a sentence i never imagined which was guys what did i say about looking up satanic rituals during class they were a great group though it was a group of four eighth graders who said they had created an occult detective agency and were doing research just in case my only complaint was that they were doing it in science class instead of actually doing their work dang creative af a can of cheez whiz it was from a student visiting from another country and she was enamored of the incredible canned cheese product she had discovered so much so she kept either opening her backpack to stare lovingly at it or taking it out during class to get some sweet sweet cheesy goodness it was pretty cute actually and i made sure she got her cheese product returned to her at the end of class man did she love cheese whiz that's hilarious i feel like a lot of people would remember her as cheese whiz girl a homemade shiv his dad has just gotten out of jail and given it to him so he brought it to school i teach kindergarten btw that's less weird and more sad and messed up this kid had a backpack full of baby rabbits he found them in the field on the way to school they were so tiny and vulnerable we both cried i did the brief stint as a supply teacher in my early twenties one day i was at a school i'd never been to before and there was a group of lads gathered round a table at the back of the room generally not paying much attention to the lesson i went to investigate and found they were working on a full-blown diagram of how a male might go about sucking himself off i confiscated it for research purposes i've told this story before on reddit but it really fits here one of our third grade teachers had a little boy come to her desk first thing in the morning with an object in his mouth that he was blowing on to make a noise he said something like look mrs smith i found this nice whistle in the waste basket at home mrs smith recognized the object as an applicator for a product used for vaginal yeast infections the children went to gym class soon after morning announcements and mrs smith noted that the object was left on his desk she threw it away in the teacher's work room and called his mother to let her know for the future so that she could take more care with her trash i imagine him one day seeing his girlfriend or wife discard the same object into their bathroom trash and the horrible realization hitting him not a teacher but our vice principal had to confiscate a lobster from us after we bought it as a birthday gift for a friend for those asking it was a live lobster we wrapped it in a box with some holes poked in it when we presented it to him during first break he just heard something scratching inside it and asked wtf as this had to take a computer away from a kid because he had two google taps search and images open with the search naked nude pokemon p in class taking a computer away isn't super weird but that reason has stuck with me for a while not a teacher but my brother was once asked to return his history teachers beans which he had stolen from one of the drawls of said titcher's desk my mother was a primary school teacher one day many many years ago she was working as a supply teacher filling in for an absent teacher it was late 80s and casio watches were all the rage every hour on the hour many watches would sound a chime to signal the start of a new hour my mother had been hearing chimes and alarms going off all day and she announced the next watch i hear beeping is coming home with me tonight moments later a watch chimed it was my brother's colon a picture they'd drawn of me in a teeny bikini at the time i was a fairly out of shape man in my late 30s not a good look the care they'd taken drawing a pair of gigantic pendulous breasts which i don't have was unsettling the same student also wrote for crin in a bikini on a feedback form asking if there was anything they needed in class not a teacher but my wife is several years ago she was teaching second or fourth grade and the kids were instructed to have their snack time she stepped over to the door to talk to another teacher while the kids ate and one student came over and tattled that another student had a snack he should not have my wife scolded the tattler for tattling lol but the kid was insistent wife decided to check and the other kid had legit cracked open a bud light rita for snack time student teaching tarantula and a newborn rat separate times but both from the same student first full year jar of his boogers he had been saving from a bet with his friend that he wouldn't fill the jar sixth graders are something second year first day of school for a new student seemed shifty in our zero period but thought it was nervousness well during lunch someone set off a homemade bomb in a lunch trash can fifth period comes and though kids saw who did it they did not want to be a snitch so open backpack search and found the two others he was hiding third year jar of mayo that the kid kept eating with his hands in class currently in my fourth year but you know distance learning before i was student teaching or a teacher i worked as an instructional aide for a non-public school that was a part of a residential group home my students i worked were basically at last chance before being sent out of state or wards of the state due to failure of the foster system legally separated from family or juvenile hall residents i have many stories of weird gross and disturbing items i had to confiscate last part sounds sad my mom used to be an aide for a similar school and she said she couldn't handle it i have respect for you not me but my co-teacher tells the story of having to take a vibrator away from a student during band class the only reason he knew the kid had it was because the kid tried to play the xylophone with the thing i've answered this question before so i figured i'd just copy paste well this is my freaking time to shine my co-worker and i had a mild prank war going on somehow the students caught wind and decided to instigate by stealing things from his room and taking it to mine and vice versa here are some of the things i've had to take from them and return to him his car keys his entire desktop computer portraits of george washington and thomas jefferson pumpkins from his halloween decorations his desk chair his car keys again a student desk his travel mug with his name on it at this point i'm convinced my co-worker just doesn't want his car and somehow in the five minutes between his class and mine they managed to flip all the desks in his classroom upside down i'm not making this up not a teacher but i had a kid in class that would collect used chewing gums from under the table and form them to a giant growth ball during the lesson he would suck and chew on it and roll it all over the desk my teacher had enough of it and threw the thing in the trash and the kid cried after the lesson the kid got it out of the trash and chewed on it excuse me but wtf i was a student but i had bunch of expended munitions including an expended cs grenade think tear gas taken from me by my seventh grade vice principal i used to scour the nato training grounds when my dad was stationed in germany in the 70s i found an expended cs grenade and brought it and other fines to school to show off to my friends not knowing there had been a terror bombing earlier that day at another nato facility i brought a bunch of my stuff to school they brought a bomb dog onto our school bus at the ramstein afb gate the dog ignored me i was showing off the grenade to my friends when the teacher walked in the grenade had been expended but cs is really a fine dust and the active material was gently dusting the room she could easily smell the tear gas and sent me to the office they took my stuff chided me for bringing it and returned it two weeks later a few weeks after that the vice principal asked if i had had everything returned i said i had he said someone turned in a 105 millimeter shell casing into lost and found and offered it to me he gladly took it being the 70s everyone was chill the teacher was right to get that nasty stuff out of her class and i scored another cool thing today they would have had the swat team there and i might well have had to go to court if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 12,878

Rating: 4.9164734 out of 5

Keywords: school, school stories, teachers, teacher stories, students, class, learning, education, confiscated, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: uEak3hYcG-c

Length: 23min 56sec (1436 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 26 2021