Taylor Tomlinson’s Grandma Has a New Boyfriend

uh i found a roommate online cause that's where the winners are uh yep yep uh not going well not going well at all we don't have anything in common i found out she does yoga in her free time yeah she came downstairs first morning like namaste i'm like mufasa we're not friends this is over right here she is so healthy you guys like i asked her the other day what her favorite foods were she told me cranberries blueberries and almonds like dude those are ingredients who hurt you she's so positive but like annoyingly positive like you know those people that just like always see the glass half full and you're like stop it you know those the type of person you don't want to go traveling with because anything that goes wrong on the trip they're like well this is an adventure no this is a flat tire in the middle of phoenix becky we hate you this is why you weren't in the limo at prom this right here uh yeah i just found out that my grandma just started dating which is disgusting oh so gross she's way too open with me about it too she told me she's gonna wait until marriage to a you know and uh i had to explain to her like you know you're not a virgin right like like i'm your baby's baby the gift has been given and she goes no it's really hard taylor because i've never had sex out of wedlock and it's difficult to wait because i have a body too i'm like never say that again wow no you don't you're a floating head that makes me snacks it's your job she's dating this dude she met at costco i know it sounds stupid but like it totally makes sense right because like costco you always leave with more than you expect she's dating this dude frank who's the worst guy i'm trying to be cool with him like i friended him on facebook even though he's got one of those creepy blank profiles with like no picture and his interests are just like whiskey and flags like it's weird and he started commenting on all my posts like i posted i'm going to hawaii to do a show and he just wrote stay safe are you threatening me frank are you a cyber bully now good for you people do give you way too much credit if you live that long though like my great-grandma kicked it a couple years back rest in peace and my friend found out and she goes well how old was she and i said well she's 97 and my friend goes oh well she lived a good life i'm like you didn't know that broad you don't know that i think you're confusing good with long anybody who's been to a wedding knows that's not the same word you gotta earn a good life you gotta do some stuff like joan of arc lived a good life martin luther king lived a good life great grandma gene was a racist who never saw the ocean she just lasted a while i ignore red flags like my last boyfriend and i broke up because he used to do this really weird thing where he would uh tell me when other women hit on him like he'd go out of his way to be like oh babe i just want to let you know girl at starbucks gave me her number i'm like what do you want me to say to that dude you want me to fist bump you like nice bro oh get it like do you want me to turn into batman like where is she he's like no i love you that's why i'm telling you this because i want to be honest with you i'm like no you're not you're telling me this because you want me to know that you turned down the option of other people today you want points for not cheating on me yeah like i'm supposed to swoon or something like oh my god babe you honored the most basic term of our agreement [Applause] thank you so much this is like a taylor swift song i'm so lucky you guys are amazing thank you so much

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 2,706,313

Keywords: Taylor Tomlinson, Adam Devine's House Party, Adam Devine, Adam Devine House Party, Adam Devine comedian, Taylor Tomlinson comedian, Taylor Tomlinson stand up, stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, comedian, roommate, online, yoga, namaste, healthy, positive, traveling, adventure, flat tire, limo, prom, grandma, dating, Costco, facebook, joan of arc, funny, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up

Id: C_62CIUPrhs

Length: 4min 28sec (268 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 04 2020