♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS VERY FUNNY STAND-UP
COMEDIAN AND THE NEWEST LATE-NIGHT HOST OF
"AFTER MIDNIGHT." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO
"THE LATE SHOW," TAYLOR TOMLINSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] TOMLINSON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THERE YOU GO.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> Taylor: NICE TO SEE YOU.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME BACK. >> Stephen: MY PLEASURE.
I HAD A REALLY GREAT TIME WITH YOU THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON IN
NOVEMBER BECAUSE WE WERE ANNOUNCING YOU ARE TAKING OVER
FOR "AFTER MIDNIGHT," AFTER THE SHOW FOR "AFTER MIDNIGHT" AND IT
MADE A LITTLE SPLASH. THERE IS "THE NEW YORK TIMES."
TAYLOR TOMLINSON TO HOST NEW CBS LATE-NIGHT SHOW.
TAYLOR TOMLINSON TO HOST CBS "AFTER MIDNIGHT."
TAYLOR TOMLINSON HOSTS "AFTER MIDNIGHT" AFTER MIDNIGHT.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR YOU? DID YOUR PHONE BLOW UP?
>> Taylor: OH, MY GOSH. EVERY PERSON I'VE EVER MET I
THINK TEXTED ME EXCEPT FOR LIKE THREE WHICH IS THE THREE YOU
REMEMBER. ONE YOU'D GOT YOUR SHOW WASN'T
LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: I WILL NEVER
>> Taylor: DEAD TO ME. IF MY SIXTH-GRADE TEACHER CAN
TEXT ME, MY EX'S MOM. WHEN YOU GET TO HAVE GUESTS ON,
YOU'LL HAVE COMEDIANS AND STARS ON THE SHOW.
ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE PROSPECT OF THE FAMOUS PEOPLE?
>> Taylor: I'M NERVOUS BECAUSE I WANT TO KEEP MY COOL.
MY SISTER AND I SAW "MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG" ON BROADWAY.
AND BECAUSE I HAVE A SHOW, MY AGENTS WERE LIKE, DO YOU WANT US
TO TRY TO GET A CHANCE TO MEET DANIEL RADCLIFFE BECAUSE WE KNOW
YOU LOVED HARRY POTTER GROWING UP.
AS WELL AS HIS OTHER WORKS. I WAS LIKE, NO.
BECAUSE I'LL CRY. BUT I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT,
TAYLOR, YOU'VE GOT TO GET BETTER AT THIS.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE ON A LATE-NIGHT SHOW.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE BIG GUESTS COMING THROUGH.
BE COOL. WE KEPT IT SHORT AND SWEET.
I THINK I WAS RESPECTFUL, DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING CRAZY.
I DIDN'T TRY TO TOUCH HIS FACE. IT WASN'T LIKE "YOU GOT ME
THROUGH FIFTH GRADE." ON ICE, EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
THEM TO BE. NOT EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED
MEETING HIM. I THOUGHT I WOULD BE TEN AND WE
WOULD BE A DISNEYLAND I'M GETTING MARRIED IT WAS A VERY
CLOSE SECOND, THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE.
>> Stephen: ONE THING YOU SHOULD VERY SELF ABOUT MEETING
FAMOUS PEOPLE. A LOT OF THEM ARE PROFESSIONALLY
ATTRACTIVE THEN YOU MEET THEM AND YOU GO "EH."
SOMETIMES THE PEOPLE WHO ARE PROFESSIONALLY ATTRACTIVE, THE
FANTASTIC CHEEKBONES AND BIG EYES, YOU MEET THEM AND YOU GO
"YOU LOOK LIKE A BUG." WE DO THAT'S WHY I LIKE COMEDY.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE TOLD ME T I LOOK FANTASTIC.
THEY DON'T EXPECT IT FROM A COMEDIAN.
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK GENUINELY LOVELY THIS EVENING.
>> Taylor: THANK YOU. I WAS FISHING FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING THAT LONG TO SAY THAT.
THAT'S ON ME. YOU JUST FINISHED "HAVE IT ALL."
HAVE IT ALL, YOUR LONGEST TOUR OF ALL TIME.
HOW LONG WAS THAT? >> Taylor: WE DID OVER 130
SHOWS. >> Stephen: THAT'S A LONG TOUR
AND ITS ME TO BE A NETFLIX SPECIAL.
THE DAY BEFORE VALENTINES. TAYLOR TOMLINSON.
IS IT SAFE TO SAY, THIRD NETFLIX SPECIAL?
YOU'VE GOT YOUR OWN TV SHOW. DO YOU HAVE IT ALL?
>> Taylor: IT DEPENDS WHO YOU ASK.
>> Stephen: I'M ASKING YOU. >> Taylor: RIGHT NOW I FEEL
LIKE I DEFINITELY DO BUT WHEN YOU'RE 12 YEARS OLD, YOU HAVE
DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS OF HOW YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO GO SO I
WOULD SAY YEAH I THOUGHT BY 30 HAD BEEN MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS
AND INSTEAD ALL I HAVE ARE THREE NETFLIX SPECIAL SUNDAY
LATE-NIGHT SHOW. >> Stephen: YOU'LL GET THERE.
>> Taylor: IT'S BEEN HARD. [APPLAUSE]
>> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE MAY KNOW THIS BUT SOME PEOPLE MAY
NOT. YOU STARTED OFF IN THE CHRISTIAN
COMEDY CIRCUIT. THERE'S A CIRCUIT.
YOU STARTED AT 16 DOING THIS. WHAT JOKES WERE YOU DOING THEN
THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR REPERTOIRE? >> Taylor: WE CALLED IT
TESTIMONY BUT I WAS GETTING LAUGHS.
[LAUGHTER] YOU GUYS ARE GOOD.
I LIKE YOU. YOU KNOW IT'S FUNNY THEY WERE
ASKING ME THIS BACKSTAGE AND I GOT FIRED FROM MY LAST CHURCH
GIG BECAUSE I TWEETED A JOKE WITH INNUENDO IN IT.
I KNOW. A BIG REACTION FOR INNUENDO.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE JOKE? LIKE FIRED, YOU CANNOT BE ON THE
CIRCUIT ANYMORE? >> Taylor: I WAS OPENING FOR
ONE HUGE CHURCH COMEDIAN AT THE TIME AND THEY HAVE CALLED ME.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS SILLY BUT IT'S REAL!
VERY TALENTED COMEDIAN. THEIR TEAM CALLED ME AFTER I
TWEETED THIS JOKE AND WERE LIKE "HEY, WE THINK YOU'RE GREAT BUT
WE CAN'T HAVE ANY SORT OF SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL OUT THERE
COMING FROM YOU." SO THE JOKE THAT EVENTUALLY I
ENDED UP DOING ON TELEVISION ON LATE NIGHT SO IT WORKED OUT.
I AM LIKE A WILD ANIMAL IN BED, WAY MORE AFRAID OF YOU THEN YOU
ARE OF ME. >> Stephen: FINE JOE, QUALITY
JOKE. WAS THIS AN ULTIMATUM?
YOU DROPPED THAT JOKE AND YOU CAN STAY OR YOU'VE GOT TO GO?
>> Taylor: NO, THEY WERE LIKE "IT'S ON THE INTERNET.
YOU'RE GONE." THERE WAS NO "CHANGE OUR WAYS."
>> Stephen: NO FORGIVENESS IN CHRISTIAN COMEDY?
>> Taylor: NO, NO, NO. >> Stephen: THAT'S IMPORTANT
TO REMEMBER. >> Taylor: NO, NO, WE GAVE
YOUR DATES TO SOMEONE ELSE. >> Stephen: YOU'VE DONE SO
MANY GIGS. YOU'VE DONE CHURCHES, AS WE'VE
SAID. CORPORATE GIGS WHICH ARE SO FUN.
>> Taylor: CELL PHONE. >> Stephen: I CAN TELL YOU ALL
ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THE INDUSTRIALS I DID BECAUSE OF THE
MEDICAL SUPPLY. >> Taylor: YOU HAVE PUSHED
THROUGH THINGS. AFTER I GOT THIS JOB, YOU HAD
YOUR APPENDIX BURST. >> Stephen: SHORTLY AFTER YOU
GOT THIS JOB MY APPENDIX TRIED TO KILL ME.
>> Taylor: I'M SO SORRY. I WAS WORRIED FOR YOU.
BUT ALSO I WAS ANNOYED FOR ME BECAUSE I SHORTLY AFTER DOING
YOUR SHOW GOT MONO WHICH MY DOCTOR TELLS ME MOST PEOPLE GET
IN HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE. I UNDERSTAND I'M A LOSER.
I WAS LIKE WOW, I'M GOING TO BE SO BRAVE FOR PUSHING THROUGH ALL
THIS STUFF, HAVING HAD MONO. AND THEN YOU PUSHED THROUGH YOUR
APPENDIX POISONING YOU ON TELEVISION AND SO --
>> Stephen: THAT'S HOW YOU GET 11:30, BABY.
THEY DON'T JUST GIVE THESE DESKS AWAY.
YOU'LL GET THERE. A CYST OR SOMETHING.
>> Taylor: A CYST OR SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: AS LONG AS IT'S VERY PAINFUL.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE TAYLOR TOMLINSON, EVERYBODY.
