When Your Student Writes a Story About Having Sex with You - Amy Silverberg - Stand-Up Featuring

I'm a teacher that's my day job I teach I teach intro to writing at USC I hope that nobody here is affiliated with USC if you are keep everything I say a secret I had one of the star football players in my class I told the class they could write a story about anything he wrote a story about wanting to his teacher honestly very nice my name is Amy Silverberg in that story the teacher's name was Jamie Goldstein very close in that story he said that he wanted to have sex with the teacher on the handlebars of his bicycle and then afterwards she would like it very much and feel fulfilled I was like you took the teachers pleasure into account b-plus baby right not everybody does you have to reward them when they do I look young so the female students always email me really familiarly in like lowercase letters one of my students email me shows dear Amy I won't be coming to class today I took the morning-after pill and I don't feel well dot-dot-dot you know how it is I was like why do I know of course I know how it is I was like stay home I used the NuvaRing it's very confusing comes out on the dick half the time like a hula hoop we're still figuring it out I got a fan letter I got my first fan letter yes thank you thank you it wasn't from stand-up it was because I published a story in a magazine and a man emailed me through my website and he said I just want to let you know that that story you wrote kept me up at night especially the scene where the woman's in the kitchen Wow and I wrote back and I said thank you so much for saying that and then he wrote back can I come on your tits what an elaborate troll this guy read my fiction people don't read he analyzed it so I wrote back and I said it's may I come on your tip cuz you gotta get the grammar correct I myself went to a big party college yes yes I went to UC Santa Barbara I used to have a friend at that time who would get so drunk she would come home take out a frozen waffle be too drunk to put it in the toaster go up to her top bunk put it in between her hot thighs and eat it like that partially defrosted this friends now thirty I reminded her of this she goes oh yeah the waffle trick I still do that sometimes on the way to work I was like that's so deranged you could eat a protein bar you could intermittent fast she said I like to eat the AYGO from in between my Legos which is such a good motto I was like you got to keep doing that I'm of the age where I'm going to a lot of bachelorette parties I don't know if anybody here has been to a bachelorette party yes good last one I went to we played this game where we asked the future husband a bunch of questions recorded his responses and then in real time asked the future wife see if their answers matched up the questions were like where's the craziest place you had sex or when did you know you were in love we asked her what's your deepest darkest secret she said well this is incredibly embarrassing but I know that this is what he would have said so I'll just say it I like having my nipples played with and sucked that's her deepest darkest secret she oh no no she says I'm afraid that when I have a baby it's gonna nurse and I'm gonna get turned on and come we said what the is wrong with you then we played our future husbands response on the monitor he goes her deepest darkest secret she wants that jack-in-the-box five nights in a row she said please don't tell anyone all right I'm gonna leave you guys with one more have any of you been skydiving it's great I went skydiving for the first time recently when you go skydiving for the first time you get attached to someone I was attached to someone very tall when he saw me he said oh good I like him small so I was like this is great this can't go wrong I was then attached to his dick when he walked my legs flailed in the air then we sat in the plane for what felt like a lifetime and he whispered into my ear you'd make a great jockey not the worst compliment a man has ever given me right before he jumped out he goes do you want regular or extreme I was like I want regular you loon I've never been skydiving before so then he jumped out me attached proceeded to give me a tour of his home town of Lompoc California wind rushing through his hair he's like tops the Cheesecake Factory where I met my girlfriend that's the park where she broke up with me that's my duplex I have a roommate we got a pretty good deal we have a balcony we grill out weather permitting then when we landed he goes I barely felt you that's why I like him small I feel as though I'm on my own this guy gave a tour to himself [Applause]

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 10,266,659

Keywords: Amy Silverberg, Comedy Central Stand-Up Featuring, Amy Silverberg comedian, Amy Silverberg stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, comedian, teacher, teaching, day job, sex, student, birth control, morning after pill, NuvaRing, college, university, fan mail, fan letter, troll, drunk, waffle, Eggo, bachelorette party, nipples, secret, babies, orgasm, skydiving, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, best comedy, best stand up

Id: EQdeHNWf-0I

Length: 7min 36sec (456 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 20 2019