Series 7, Episode 1 - 'The Mean Bean' | Full Episode | Taskmaster

[Music] [Applause] [Music] ah [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] ah hello and hello two i'm greg davis welcome to yet another series of taskmaster we have an incredible new five summer waiting patiently for me to get this series underway are you ready please meet the five people competing to win my ginormous gilded noddle they are james a caster jessica kerry goblin phil wang and rod gilbert and next to me he looks after the facts and figures but i have full control over his salary he's little he's alex he's alex horn he's little alex hello greg hello thank you for having me back i've been very busy yes we've been away what have you been up to i've downloaded um quite a bit of the internet yep and i've been doing i've done some research into you you're a comedian correct you used to be a teacher over six foot you didn't you don't have uh any pets yet yet you're a taurus okay i'm with the show uh we're gonna start with the prize task that's right greg each competitor brings in uh something for the prize pot and at the end of the episode the winner takes home all the things that's how it works and the first prize category for our fledgling competitors is the thing that most people would like to touch i'm gonna start with old james there hello what did you bring in that you think i'd like to touch m c hammer [Applause] he released a song um called can't touch i can't touch this and that made a lot of people want to touch it we haven't got the actual mc himself we've got a representation of the mc yes so there it is if you saw that on the street you'd think it was him oh god you would yeah especially if he was one dimensional and stayed absolutely perfectly yeah can i say i think he's yeah it is two-dimensional you're right what do you think that this um that mc hammer was referring to was a two-dimensional cardboard crab do you want to see what jess has brought in yeah yeah let's move on well it could actually it could complement james's quite nicely um gut instinct says it's not going to let's have a look don't tell me you don't want to touch that is the sign saying don't touch the sign or is it saying don't touch something else because otherwise i don't see the point of the sign i've thought about this i thought about this and normally it would be next to something wouldn't it that you can't touch but yeah i think that's more likely rather than the sign having an existential crisis i think i'm having an extension okay so do not touch makes me want to touch no it doesn't carry what did you bring in a newton's cradle interesting clicky thing i know what they are okay we can see a picture of the newton's cradle also called an executive ball clicker which is what you call me [Applause] it's interesting i've got a personal connection uh with this executive toy because i requested one in 1981 for my mother and she refused to buy me one because she thought it was pointless but that's the joy of it correct that's the joy of it old woman anyway when i got my first job in 1990 i bought myself one and tragically the end of the story is it was very disappointing to touch i'll tell you now it's the best one yet oh come on last place um i've gone more of a classic route and i've got a little toy chariot with a man driving it absolutely classic here's the toy there's a little switch on the side yeah there's a butt there's a button that you want to touch there's a button if there's a button you're going to want to touch that and see what happens yeah do you want me to show you what happens when you touch the button of course i do okay [Music] that is solid i bought it in indonesia yeah so it's exotic it's um haggled for this the guy in the market he said a hundred thousand rupiah and then i said fifty thousand and he said a hundred thousand and i said seventy thousand and he said a hundred thousand so i paid a hundred thousand rod let's see the first picture because there's a series of pictures it's a journey that's the first show okay so that's you yeah how old are you there about about 17 about 17 yeah let's see the next picture okay because i went to the trouble of knocking up a replica of your childhood yeah whose name was bt blue ted bt and i know how much you enjoyed touching i should explain for anyone who doesn't understand yeah yeah please explain when i was a teenager during a particularly unfulfilling frisky period in my life i did have relations with the bear that my mother had made for me we can we can see some of the area that you're interested in the horrible thing is i don't know what happened to bt it could still be around i think we all know what happened to bt all right so where do you want to start first or last in last place it's just a sign and i want to say this early doors just told me before the show that it's her dad's opinion that i penalize females on this show and uh what's his name peter peter looks like it's [ __ ] true in joint seconds to last place with two points two points each each yes yes i'm going to put yes kerry because i despise women joint second to last i'm going to put it with james's mc hammer because uh i don't want to touch empty hammer or a cardboard cutout of mc in second place with four points because i cannot deny my past it's rod gilbert because wherever you are bt i do miss touching you and in first place inexplicably because i don't know why i want to touch that toy it's phil wang [Music] good we're off and have you got something nice for us alex i thought it was about time uh for a change okay okay [Music] hey rod all mate all right got a wig my hat it's a hat is it hi kerry hello alex how are you i'm all right hello hello do you like it is it a clue yes oh you ready okay it's just up here somewhere there we go that yeah wow that that is amazing absolutely hundred percent nice little hat thank you okay what happened that was amazing design and demonstrate the best quick change outfit i don't know what that means best and quickest quick change outfit wins you have one hour your time starts now velcro is gonna be a key player okay right i know what i'm gonna do let me think can i have for three minutes to think punch pop flop and then [Applause] pop pop uh it's mandarin who's first well uh we're going to see them all in real time the quick changes bear that in mind pop pop they will be in real time yeah and first of all i hope you don't mind me calling her this it's jessica knappet are you ready jessica i'm ready can you like give it some theater alex give it some rally here we go man that is incredible we are off to an absolute cracking start i did actually wear that underneath my real wedding dress when i got married now that's interesting because it had not occurred to me that your first outfit was a bride what happened i think it was yeah thought she was some ghostly apparition was that real time it was quick as well the change was quick four seconds exactly bury my real time yeah butterflies take two weeks well i'm pleased to say that it's time for the first ad break of the series join us in part two to see carrie and phil's quick change attempts bye bye [Music] hello and welcome back to this first episode of the seventh ever series of taskmaster they're getting changed alex well you told them to greg so yes the new cast are currently trying to demonstrate the art of quick change hey who's next it's rod's attempt here we go [Music] so what i want to do is that we're both going to go from bikini to a one-piece swimming costume so one of us is going to lose our top mm-hmm and one of us is going to lose our bottoms bottoms yeah and by now you may be thinking it's probably going to be you that loses the bottoms right oh well you should start thinking that right yep i'm gonna be removing your panties yes you are so you're going to be removing my top yeah and what are you going to be removing i'll be removing your panties i will be calling them panties i can hear that okay can you be ready no so this is gonna wait we're gonna go for the quickest change so if you'd like to take my straps there should be one up there i think and then one down the back i've got you i've got you after three a quick costume change i'm ready on the count of three one two three go [Applause] stop the clock how was that it felt quite quick mine mine came straight off yours is a bit more of a struggle yeah i certainly have the hard part done that's it no shake hand nose no no now i've known you for a number of years and i'm surprised to know that you refer to women's downstairs garments as panties downstairs garments isn't much better all right i've really enjoyed that obviously it's ridiculous i put it to you rod that is not a quick change outfit what why not they used to have quick change artists on seventies television all the time as i remember yeah someone just came mr ben would have been a lot better sure if he'd done that it was quick though it was just under four seconds 3.8 shot that down greg i will i will and i will submit this paper to the police who's next well he's quick witted is he quick kitted it's james a caster ah yeah welcome to the kitchen i'm gonna slip into something more comfortable oh hi i see you there welcome to the kitchen i'm also slipping something more comfortable a third outfit three outfits was it a change you think yeah you change i was i started off as a groom when i turned into a bride just a bit of narrative to it uh so like to start off you know there's a guy and he's like welcome to the kitchen yeah and then a sexy lady comes out yeah and then a boy is born yeah was that the child yeah i was a little boy at the end was that really the narrative or you just made that i just had to make it up i'm trying to get points yeah yeah who's next next we've got kerry godleman who weirdly is genuinely my cousin's favorite comedian ready steady go [Music] that's it now that is what i'm talking about that is a quick change outfit velcro is key it is i mean i don't know what to say other than it was absolutely perfect absolutely spot-on i mean you could have saved yourself a lot of time i imagine just by wearing a bikini and pulling your bottoms off that's going to take some beating yeah well 3.8 seconds was rod so that was 3.6 seconds so what's the quickest so far i was tight in it but there is still one to go phil wang can he romp in and steal it last minute let's have a look he's got 3.6 seconds to beat it's the wang and only phil wang hello alex so you know where they go to the races they have scott and the ladies always have like a special outfit so we've got a little ascot hat here lovely summer dress and stockings i'll start the clock okay when you go want to go back inside back inside the house and change oh gloves costume two this is a gardening outfit you've got a comfy garden skirt poncho and you've got the stockings have become gardening gloves thank you phil thank you alex thank you so it wasn't just quickest it was lots of bets it was the dictionary definition of flop flop what i was going for was the biggest possible change in costume geographically speaking so you had some ascot braces to like a mexican poncho is that what they do in mexico they instead of gloves they use stockings in mexico yeah i don't know i haven't been but i presume i've got it i thought it was rubbish there's just no sense of urgency whatsoever tell me the timing so i think we're going to largely do it on timings because most of them were impressive outfits well phil was 45 seconds and then we dropped down to five seconds for james four seconds for jess right 3.8 for rod 3.6 for kerry right i think it's only fair we have to penalize rod to a degree because you just took a man's pants off i'm gonna knock him down one place okay and i think that's fair so one time to fill one point to fill two points to james three points to rod four points to jess and five points to carry there let it be said okay [Applause] can we see the first scoreboard of series seven please alex well james has four but kerry and roy the leaders on seven yeah another task okay for this one we took the kids to the woods for assembly [Music] hello carrie hello hi phil alex how are you ouch oh yeah okay the goddamn stingers they're stinging nettles and they're the friggin holly bush and fourny branches welcome to the glass welcome to the glade oh filled the highest tower you have five minutes from when your first box is assembled and a maximum time 20 minutes from now i hate making boxes why well i just know i can't really do it we probably should briefly drill down into your history of making boxes so actually there's a knack to it what have you had to do it work yeah well sometimes they're like you know jess go in the back make up a box what when i worked in a hospital okay i had to make some boxes there go in the back and make the boxes are you sure you were employed at this hospital hello okay phil i'm gonna be the first one to address it it's the first time we've seen your outfit full length yeah how are you feeling about it well it's it's it's it's bruce lee's game of death outfit sure and yeah that's not what i see i saw a game of death i just wanted to make an homage to one of the greatest um asian entertainers in history and also you get to see my dick and balls yeah [Applause] uh-oh great time good luck bye-bye [Applause] [Music] hi watchers it's part three of this seventh series of taskmaster alex what's been going on well greg we've had some quick changes and now they're building towers it's basically a creche can i reiterate the rules is that all right uh if you want it yeah because i have 20 minutes to build the tower but only five minutes from when they uh correctly assembled their first box yeah so they could take the time the full 20 minutes and not make any boxes but once you've made a box you've only got five minutes from then sure okay yes thank you i understand okay we're going to start off with james and kerry different genders the same agendas [Music] one okay you've got five minutes from now it's gotta be build a box and climb a tree and put it in the tree gonna run up that one how quick can i run up there no absolutely not [Music] yeah now i can't reach the top i could throw it up have we got any uh rope how do you get the flaps to stay down have you got any sticky tape then on me you hold the other end of that please thank you alex is no joke gonna tie it to a box hoist over a tree highest tower for you and for me no got five minutes oh [ __ ] that is too high [Music] it's got to be another way i think this is as good as it's going to get yeah what do you want to do throw the rope over and then pull the box that's what most people do isn't it of course that's why you make the rope in the first place 40 seconds please 10 seconds james measure it i think when i blew the whistle it was on the floor james [Applause] i i guess the first thing to do would be for us to establish what a tower is yeah a tower a tower is a tall narrow building either freestanding or forming part of a building such as the church or a castle right tall and narrow thank you carrie what was he doing i don't know i think oh i've got it wrong but no no you haven't right this is my point okay my point is it was the most straightforward approach you thought well i'll make boxes because they will certainly stack on top of each other i'm presuming this is your thing well we're coming on to that what's wrong with you i mean the first thing we tried to do and i and i genuinely believe you were trying to do this is to run up a tree that didn't work and then you invented gaffer rope now that that's you i enjoyed your song yeah that was off the cuff no way yeah yeah what were you trying to do the box would have been a tower by itself right and then i'll get it in the tree yep and then it's taller than anyone else's towers could have possibly got to and then that's the tallest tower if you were walking through a wood and you saw a boxer but you'd think oh look at that tower just like rod if i saw someone pull their pants down i wouldn't go nice change that is more of a tower than what you did to him next up are two giants from the world of phallic nicknames it's rod and wang i studied engineering university what can you get i completed the degree so i haven't started the clock yet because they're not boxes yet no i realize that only a fool would assemble their first box quickly [Music] is that a book nope it's not a box because it's [Music] open this side okay what we need is some natural internal scaffolding nis yes nis they're definitely not open boxes no we well an open box is not a complete box you know how if you open a car door it's not technically a car until the course closes ah it's got a bloody big bend in it does that matter if it's got a big bend in it oh balls the lis is ruining this ten minutes left ah okay okay oh no [Applause] oh another go quick oh get it in amongst the foliage in amongst the foliage in amongst the foliage that's all right huh pretty tall finished i'm done that is self-standing tower i can smell controversy over this uh rod's tower was not it wasn't freestanding a tower doesn't need to be freestanding you've not been listening to the definitions given out by alex horne well then why did you say at the end of your bit just made just for a laugh well come on phil that was a box no it wasn't yeah that was a box mate you you were hoisted by your own car analogy and you know it did that that i did for laughs craig can i can i say something here because i with phil on this i i don't think that was a box we did i'm waiting on your side thank you rod and i don't think that was a tower i mean an open box is a box i'm sorry phil uh five minutes after assembling one box he's still just assembled one box so it's the height of a box with the flaps open though so 75 centimeters oh god that does seem mean wait what after after five minutes you'd only assemble one box despite the eventual colossal oh yeah that's what comes to being an absolute tosser oh dear right well rod created uh nis natural uh internal scaffolding it was faultless but surely the professional box builder was absolutely gonna teach us all how to do this i wasn't very good at making boxes in a professional capacity when required to yeah you were repeatedly sent into the back room of a hospital let's see here is jessica nabit oh god this is the obvious thing to do and pop that there to sort of give it some stability no i'm not um what would an architect do dig down we haven't got time we've got trees here yes duh the problem is getting up there i can assist okay and then just drop it here watch your feet alex it's normally one two three right but this will be a bit taller now that's quite high i'm leaving it there i don't care what you said four minutes so i am using a box after all two minutes and 10 seconds right fine 15 seconds okay well that's it for me [Applause] thanks yeah i mean you did it terribly and yet so bad everyone was openly laughing at james and phil just ah for me so greg james is was the smallest because it was just a box so he gets one point phil was a box with a flap so two points then we have jess three points kerry's was just uh three meters but that's four points rod gilberts with 4.28 meters so he wins the task and gets five points good let's have another task okay uh this one involves one of your favorite pastimes it's estimating girth [Music] oh hello hi james don't like the look of this one work out the circumference of the caravan in baked beans look at the circumference of the caravan in baked beans you have three minutes most accurate wins your time starts now i can't remember what circumference means i think it means around it okay here we go against the circumference of a caravan and beans it's obvious isn't it only a mad person would actually physically get beans and put them anywhere near that van what would you do craig yeah great i would work out the length of a bean i'd measure a bean yeah yeah and then i'd uh use a different way of working out the circumference oh the old different way method oh i didn't think of that giving a nice laugh are you the old different way of course do you want to see him yeah well i've grouped james and kerry together again here's why can i just tip this out you can do this task however you want so it's circumference how many bait beans go right around the caravan is that what you think so come over to the caravan in bait how many baked beans for the hole [Applause] i'm going to see how many baked beans are in there right 15 or about that right slide in now it's at least four one two three four five six sixteen 20. 15 times 50. i'm not very good at math you've got one minute what's 15 times 50. i'm afraid you have to do it yourself kerry 15 whatever 15 times 50 years is the answer still got 45 seconds 15 times 50 ten times fifty is five thousand [Music] seven hundred seven hundred seven thousand is about seven thousand and fifty baked beans or 750. 700. 700. exactly 700 babies yeah is that a coincidence it's such a round number that's 15. it's 750 baked beans you're an angry mathematician yes well it's because i'm not very good at math so it just makes me cross sounded like a malfunctioning cyborg they both came up with very similar answers seven hundred and seven hundred and fifty right can't be coincidence gotta be in that ballpark got me in that ball oh but hang on he went you went right around the caravan i included the garden okay you didn't touch the camera no well what the that's the end of part three jessica rod and phil still to come plus one of the competitors will take home loads of stuff that people want to touch see you soon [Music] it's part four of taskmaster it's series seven of taskmaster and it's episode one of taskmaster incredible thanks greg that's all great to know before the break our new and naive cast we're trying to guess the circumference of our caravan in baked beans do you want to see jess all by herself again yeah please guys hey listen we've got to isolate the weak ones it's what happens in nature plenty of sympathetic r's in the post here we go eighteen nineteen twenty twenty one ten two twenty fifty five fifty six fifty 57 78 78 times 2 is my mouse is really bad so it's 156 here times two three hundred is that how you do maths i've got 27 seconds um 689 it's nice to see you're working okay thank you [Music] do you always do your workings out in bing juice in bean juice on a window yes please who needs a calculator yes please not me not you i know it's early days are we the stupidest so far [Applause] next up philip and rodney uh where's the tape measure this is ridiculous look this is utterly ridiculous makes no sense at all there's not nearly enough beans in here this is just one can the circumference of the trailer is four cans of beans how many beans are there in a can come on i thought you might ask this i really hoped you would the caravan's 500 was a calculator i reckon there's about 100 beans a can so i'm going to say 400 beans 510 inches come from the caravan times 2.5 centimeters equals 1 275. it's 1 275 baked beans if the baked beans are placed lengthways the big bean is placed sideways on double that thanks to 2 50 [Applause] [Music] i mean i'm fascinated phil you're a qualified engineer right yeah well you are so partly thinking everyone's going to be so focused on my [ __ ] and balls they want to actually see you very scientific method yeah i was allowed to use whatever's available right you had three minutes straight compliment thank you did you think we were allowed to use calculators when you were doing bean juice on a window i would not i was doing sums with my head telling me you didn't use anything from the host in any of the tasks i see what you're saying it is such a bad omen that rod is the smart one what is amazing that rod measured the caravan very quickly but very accurately you then measured the baked bean as one centimeters yeah length the main bean is actually 1.3 centimeters so we can have a look here on my bathtub so there are 76 beans in a meter which means rod that you went way over with your 1275 beans so sorry i i you came second to last because you didn't take a mean bean measurement that's exactly what happened exactly what happened i think the bean i had was very very average trouble is by the time you measured your bean it was dry of juice and a baked bean is never dry of juice so you're saying are you counting the juice on the ends as the length of a beat you have to you have to you i don't even think you believe this girl you know it look at your face look at your eyes look at your face look at your face what is the main circumference of the caravan the beam circumference of a caravan is 965 beans lovely which means phil comes in last then rod with his 310 overestimate then we have jess then james and kerry wins the task that makes a mockery of not just this episode of this series but the entire show what's your scoreboard before we go on to the final task please well it is now between these two it's between kerry and rod so it's tasty oh kerry has 16 rod has 14. so it's tasty it's tasty okay here we go for the first time of this series would you please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show you're all winners already who's reaching the task alex kerry's got the time make the best fruit display hat you may not touch or tamper with your hat only the fruit picker uppers may touch the fruit you may only hold the fruit picker uppers by their handles best fruit display hat wins you have a hundred seconds are there any questions what questions could there possibly be are they mobile seconds okay you all understand you may only hold the picker uppers by the handles and only the picker offers may touch the fruit you've got 100 seconds starting let's make hats should we collaborate no way we can collaborate this is welcome it's jammed it's jammed oh my god [Applause] this is good [Applause] this is what we went to university did you go to uni do you think we should in team buildings [Applause] while we bring everyone down and we'll add it all up and see how it's affected the whole show shall we okay then come on down well this is what i've decided people should be rewarded according to the luxurious variety of the fruit on their hair on their own hats so subsequently ah come on obviously james crushes into last place but i'll tell you this okay seeing him scrabbling around on the floor seeing his desperate cries there was something heartwarming about that subsequently i've decided to award you two points congratulations that means a lot thank you just three points kerry and phil joined four points i'm basing this on the variety of fruits equal displays yes okay that's correct and rod gilbert against all odds collects five points for the most rich okay which means final score yeah they've all reached double figures some more than others james has 11 but in the lead rod has 19. kerry has 20. kevin goblin has won the first episode of the series go and touch your untouchable things what have we learned today if you're looking to build your own phone don't take advice from james or jessica or kerry or phil or rock don't take advice from any of them but most importantly carrie godleman is the winner of the first show what an impressive human being she is thank you for watching we'll see you next time [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] for more task master subscribe now [Music] you

Channel: Taskmaster

Views: 3,489,536

Keywords: Taskmaster, Alex Horne, Greg Davies, Frank Skinner, Josh Widdicombe, Romesh Ranganathan, The Horne Section, Tim Key, Dave Channel, UKTV, Red Dwarf, Would I Lie To You, 8 out of 10 cats, Taskmaster full episodes, james acaster, jessica knappett, kerry godliman, rhod gilbert, phil wang, series 7, series 7 full episodes

Id: dudmIc5AWR0

Length: 44min 10sec (2650 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 30 2020