Taskmaster NZ - Series 2, Episode 6 | ‘Eat Your Asses.’

[Music] [Applause] [Music] i'm peeing in the water [Music] [Applause] welcome everybody we've made it to the sixth episode of taskmaster my name is jeremy wells and as far as you're all concerned i am the taskmaster sitting before me today are five widely beloved comedians who have spent the last few months completing a series of tasks to find out who is the most widely beloved by me we're just over halfway to finding out who'll be crowned the champion of task master season two and become the proud owner of my head in golden statue form our contestants as per usual are david correos guy montgomery laura daniel matt heath and ishla carlson and beside me is the 2014 tv guide sexiest man on television brother [Laughter] my fearless admin fiend of an assistant paul williams ladies and gentlemen [Applause] thanks jeremy i was thinking recently that obviously there's a lot of fans out there so i thought i would start selling some merch so if anyone's keen i've got uh this is a taylor swift t-shirt this one's jay-z and i've got a white abba so i mean just i'll be around after the show if anyone's keen fantastic let's start with the most important meal of the day our prize task what can we expect tonight paul our prize task this week jeremy is the two most different things [Music] yes each contestant has brought in the two things that they deem to be the most different the person with the most different things will get five points and whoever has the most points at the end of the episode will get to take home all 10 different things i love me a bit of juxtaposition let's start with my pal ursula carlson yes i have tofu and wilton tofu and built on one is amazing and one is tofu okay we've asked you to bring in two different things there ish and i don't want to nickel and dime you on this so early on in this particular episode but they are both foods listen if if we had a vegan here on this stage and i said to them just tuck in it's basically the same they go [ __ ] no it is not so those are two vastly different things are you vegan jeremy no so was there any difference no they're both disgusting guy what did you bring in uh i bought in two things that are so different there's actually quite a popular idiom named after them i brought in chalk and cheese chalk and cheese [Applause] so true so one of them is chalk and the other one is cheese those edible [Music] i've eaten chalk yeah she's correct that's right because david eats something it doesn't make it food i myself have eaten some chalk and because easily eats something the same rule applies well um jeremy a couple of years ago i had the opportunity to visit a part of the country and i borrowed something from that part of the country and then two weekends ago i had an opportunity to go to the bluff oyster shocking festival and i got an opportunity to borrow the other thing that referenced the thing and i think it's best if i just show them [Applause] two signs two yellow signs with black font very different because you read what's on them one is capriana and the other one is bluff so in very different parts of the country two new zealand towns yeah in my defense and you see this a lot in the show i didn't really read the task that's a great defense man i looked at it once and then in my head and said a different i read opposite famously the opposite of a yellow sign with black sans-serif font on it is another yellow sign with black sans-serif fontaine paul yes what's the opposite of bluff telling the truth [Laughter] all right laura yoda what did you bring in i brought in uh two very different things i bought in the treaty of waitangi and i also brought in the english translation of the treaty big shout out to our national library for letting me borrow this can i can i just raise an issue here you know how i was accused of bringing in two yeah two signs is it as different as chalk and cheese not helping out you but i mean chemically chalk and cheese is actually quite similar because it's a but you know because why because you can eat both yeah david what did you bring in i had a formula i started with an anchor item and then i played word association three pages until i got to cinderblock and custard [Applause] if you play your cards right we could have a new idiom on our hands here david [Laughter] so how do you want to score this it's not easy because some people didn't quite understand the task completely but i'll go one point for laura what no two points for matt i got three points for ursula the thing is chalk and cheese to me and cinder blocking custard i think you're right i think that's a new idiom and i think that you've created it so you get five points and you get four points guys okay yeah thank you thank you what's our first video-based task paul this task rocks and it makes me want to cheer involves a rocking chair [Music] oh this looks fun oh hello paul hello guy this looks like my mother's music group i hated every one of those [ __ ] does it matter how i approach the task fully up to you this show makes you incredibly wary of everything some kind of salvador dali painting or something isn't it what are all these for should i sit in this fully up to you the floor is lava okay evacuate the items from the parachute while sitting in the rocking chair once you sit down your feet may not touch the parachute most items removed wins you have 10 minutes your time starts now all right i think i can do that ah [ __ ] so laura met and guy you guys all sat straight down in the rocking chair yes is that right correct in hindsight the thing to do is to not sit down so you can rearrange your chair and the items obviously hindsight is 2020 2020 the eyesight rating and not the year which was universally panned this is bad news this challenge nearly killed me and it didn't need to are you only just clicking who's evacuating things from a parachute first these guys are absolute sitters it's laura daniel and guy montgomery the rocking actually which i previously so enjoyed for the novelty really works against you in this task [Music] that doesn't count because i was standing [Music] i'm going to be pissed off when i watch the other people doing this and they've figured out a less physically exhausting way oh this is an uphill climb now great day for it [Music] oh you don't [ __ ] [Music] sorry sorry to that table oh no there's a lot of items all right mate what's his name michael he's a bad guy he was in the panama papers wow gotta hurt those in an easier way [Music] oh a that's a camera yeah okay type so i'm imagining someone who read the task standing up probably just relocated the chair and accumulated a bunch of [ __ ] around them got it off that way who do you think that would be literally anyone else except probably david i'd say david and i probably had similar methodology am i missing something no what a weird task [Applause] okay yeah can you see what's happened there laura i can see what you've done with camera trickery is that camera trickery paul i'd say that's pretty standard just camera recording [Laughter] so in total all the objects on the parachute including the chair uh there was 1163. so laura yeah she missed three lego pieces so 1160. that's not bad okay she's looking at me quite intensely what about guy did he leave anything on the parachute he he didn't but he wasn't sitting when he got rid of all of the items oh laura had 1160 if we exclude the things when guy was not sitting yep 1161. huh oh pretty good and are we counting guy was still on the on the parachute no i think guy also left the parachute i believe well in the vt you were you were on it yeah i was very speedy so i took a moment to chill out and then i left you'll notice i'm not in the parachute now well we'll see more of the process after these messages we'll see in a moment [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome back to the sixth episode of taskmaster right now everybody is trying to get things off a big parachute a rainbow parachute how did you acquire that big parachute pool it landed there during the war would you like to show us another video absolutely now previously on taskmaster guy assumed that david would make the same mistake as him guy assumed wrong david rid the whole task standing up and was able to rearrange the chair and items as he saw fit here's him and captain two signs matt heath oh my time starts now i shouldn't i should be on here now so evacuate means from the rocking chair all the information you need is in the task okay so my feet aren't allowed to touch the ground [Music] careful [Music] [Applause] wait didn't touch the ground i know [Music] it must be an easy way to do this [Music] [Music] oh [Music] doing this no [ __ ] oh no i'm done [Music] oh man their hands all the way over there how was that how'd i do [Applause] a couple of interesting techniques there matt you decided that the best way was to lie the rocking chair flat for some particular reason i'm not sure why i just uh like for speed and and uh convenience i feel like there's some bad news coming my way well how did matt go in terms of the chair you know i mean was the chair okay after that uh he damaged the chair slightly but the main issue was you were supposed to be seated yeah of course in matt's case he got rid of all 1163 things but only five while seated [Laughter] this is an ongoing problem for me not reading the tasks how about david similar story he got rid of 1163 items uh but was standing for 1156 of those so so seven while sitting seven which is more than that by two okay so is there anyone else to have a look at there is one more person and she is the lover of all things vegan it's ursula carlson okay i can move the chair right yeah all right i'll just get everything lined up can i take this home when we're done yeah just cause i've got the torso poop paul be a doll and bring that hammer for us the hammer yeah how much time have i got left oh you've got six minutes if i tip it that's more stuff right look at this it's your social life play something for us i can't play the guitar pretend make it something uplifting [Music] it's not too hard all right how much time you've got just over three minutes [Music] paul come give me the cricket bat please okay good luck to us to clean this this should come with a trigger warning for all parents two minutes that was the reverse sweep well played 40 seconds was happy with that pool okay i left this for you so you can get hammered tonight okay thank you see you mate see ya [Applause] well you have to say better technique yes but you still left a lot of things on top of the parachute i looked at it and i thought one of these guys are gonna [ __ ] up hard on this task i'm okay as long as i don't come last i don't need to win i just don't need to embarrass my family [Music] how did usher go on then 1150 13 items still on but certainly a lot less tired than the rest of you oh yeah i felt great after that when i was done i went for a run should we score that one paul one point for matt two points for david three points for ursula four points for laura and five points for guy very very good now paul i can't be maths as fast as your little computer can so what are our episode scores looking like now in first place with nine points guy montgomery all right paul reach into the depths of your mind palace and conjure me up another task please of course it's time for another team task warning this task contains explicit lyrics and also bullying [Music] oh yeah okay big old ball of spaghetti huh hi paul uh mom's spaghetti okay so this is like a rap situation where's the envelope oh yeah you got it oh that's just inconvenient paul honestly can i just put it on the table yeah sorry create a diss track about the members of the other team best diss track wins you have 45 minutes your time starts now i got beef with mad heath man man run them over like a cat david you shouldn't run over something like that i think let's make it covered friendly and less spitty get mad wrap him with the shoelace have his body hanging from this tall place oh they're going to go hard on us because they know about music and stuff [ __ ] you things we know about laura she was on sevensharp cakes ugly [ __ ] cakes yeah this how flow goes imma break your nose break your teeth [ __ ] get out of my clothes can't wait to hear its christmas song montgomery more like mont guberry [Music] why need all that wi-fi in the garage what are you wanking in there buddy good luck to them oh we should make fun of them for being old yeah yeah yeah we should really bully them for being older than us oh do you think they put them together because combine their ages and save us out surely they won't focus on that yes surely you wouldn't focus on that no no i'm less worried about the age i am truly terrified to find out what david does here because if that's the practice i feel like you're going to be on a list somewhere david came up with a different freestyle of increasing intensity for every beat we sampled a lot of it was unbroadcastable [Laughter] matt heath stab him in the face god of blood on the sheath [ __ ] man we kept it respectful and yeah we didn't go downstairs we kept it clean and we kept it respectful so i hope you guys did as well yeah if anything we sort of tried to bore you guys up yeah it sounds like a pretty piss weak diss track [Laughter] did you read the task as compliment the [Applause] no we knew we could go really hard because we're wealthy and you're not [Applause] we've got two blistering diss tracks to come when we return we'll see you after the break [Applause] [Music] welcome back to cast master a wholesome light entertainment program that so far has been mainly about parachutes and battle rapping what's on next paul williams our two teams are attempting to disrespect each other via the medium of rap music up first our dynamic duo matt and ursula there's just two of us they needed three of yours you're coming last we're gonna eat your ass not me not so much let's go laura not sharp enough for seven eh jacinda got eye diarrhea from your ugly ass kate laura rhymes with borah snorer one [ __ ] up your day one [ __ ] up your night there's just two of us you three of us you've been surpassed we're gonna eat your asses not me so much i'll have a biscuit guy montgomery more like guy i'm comedy or guy mcfreckleface or spf 70 guy because you're extremely pale very pale very pale good looking though here we go final chorus there's just two of us they needed three of us we're gonna put you in a cast and eat your ass [Applause] wi-fi boy more like wankman wanking in the kitchen wanking in the land wanking on your garage wanking all over your [ __ ] signal [Applause] that was quite something yeah talk us through the thought process i don't think we should be talking about you kev writing and you're going to eat the asses it wasn't until after that ursula pointed out that eating their ass is i thought it was like insulting you guys you did make history uh this song set a record for the most ass eating threats in iraq yeah boy we kept it clean and we kept it respectful yeah and i hope you guys do us the courtesy yes you'll be devastated to find out that not only do we not offer to eat your ass but we don't even offer our own [ __ ] for consumption again that was a misunderstanding from me okay are we ready for a return of serve i'm excited to see if david will deliver on his promise to literally murder both of in you ways let's find out here's david guy and laura who prefer to be known collectively by their rap group name which you'll soon find out so you take it all at the top introduce maybe rumors maybe they're called baby boomers maybe boomers yeah uh we're called the uh hello uh this is our rap group the three friends three friends and uh this is our our our track that's going out to matt heath and ursula carlson [ __ ] you guys yes you've been warned okay matt nursery matt nurseland never met any old [ __ ] worse than your matches you got bad teeth yet sticky and you're icky like an old used chief you don't play neo on the radio for your shirt [Music] guess what it's pissing me off whenever you open your mouth you gotta hear somebody cough and i don't like coughs they sound real bad to me you may be baby boomers cause you're sagging in appearance you're yolding older than us but you're younger than our parents what a [ __ ] crazy age you're more famous than us but we're on the same way absolutely i'mma break your face just in case you don't know your place hidden in my foot while i spray you with mace better call your ma i know you old imma break your bones i know you're old i know i know drink more milk [ __ ] you're older than us but you're younger than a parent yeah what a [ __ ] crazy age more famous than us that we're on the same way hopefully i'ma kill both of you that was that was lovely thanks guys it was that was really lovely i felt so guilty after making that i emailed the producers to try not get that eared they said no so as an apology i'm so sorry here you guys go ah thank you i'm so sorry meet thanks i love it me pack oh thanks lovely i'm so sorry i mean honestly you should have brought us milk [ __ ] yeah the three friends also assumed that they were on the same wage so i thought on the count of three we could all say our wage look i mean let's not get into that just give them the points we'll go back to the beach house and think about it jeremy how are we going to score this well it's quite difficult actually because clearly david guy and laura's rap was it was a bit of rap there was an issue there and it's like a it's a lesson known as him but ageism just like racism and sexism isn't ism and for a man approaching his 50s it's a more relevant ism by the day and so i'm gonna have to take a point off you for that because i was gonna give you five and i was gonna give you guys two but now i'm gonna go four for you guys and two for you guys simple we're happy with that like all great hip hop feuds uh this was settled with a lovely hamper thanks very much david that's impressive what now paul ring ring ring sorry i'll just hello okay i'll uh okay i'll tell them um they say it's it's time for another task sorry what was that why am i pretending to be on the phone i thought it would be a good way to throw into the next task yeah yeah no i know i was wrong yeah i can feel that now i'm kind of stuck in this bit though okay i'm just gonna start i'm just gonna start the task okay right now [Music] [Music] i spy a bit a phone i'm not gonna murder anyone i'll tell you that right now oh keep this phone with you at all times await further instructions flash phone feel like i'm nailing it so far do i need to charge it i'm going to go and if you need me you know how to contact me hi oh hello hi what's up you're still here yeah you can go home if if you want can i yeah why is that well the instructions might be a while okay so see you later thank you david have a good one you too bye right [Music] what happened when those phones buzzed well time will tell approximately two minutes of time actually we'll see you back here in just a moment [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome back to taskmaster where five exceptional comedians are battling it out for the chance to take home a copy of the treaty of waitangi that laura printed at warehouse stationery what is happening mr paul williams we gave our contestants all a 29 phone their only instruction to await instruction that's a big ask i mean did you guys take your phones everywhere you went for all that time everywhere it was a um tremendous pain in the eres yeah so you have to keep it charged all the time i got accused of selling drugs multiple times because i was running a burner that consumed me that phone i'd leave the house i'd i'd drive down the road i'd come back to get the phone i kept it on me for two months every freaking second was never out of charge did you get those like weird notification text as well yeah and it'll be like just something random thing from the phone company saying bling you're like oh i missed it so just over two months ago they were all given these phones and while they were just living their own lives one friday afternoon i sent them this text join this video chat http it adds a link there's a link you must be dressed as abraham lincoln also you must pretend to be abraham lincoln first to arrive wins your time starts now right dress is abraham lincoln so who had an abraham lincoln costume you wouldn't believe my bad luck i spend you know the middle part of every day in my abe lincoln garb take one day off and the phone [ __ ] goes [Laughter] would you like to see what happened love to here's what happened [Music] hello what's your name uh my dad is abraham lincoln quite a bushy beard mr president i'm known for having a big long bed no offense you look a bit like osama bin laden what see i i would associate you more with a kind of top hat yep but if i go like this looks kind of russian [Laughter] sir uh your mic might not be on i can't hear you you've caught me at an unusual time i was just on my way to the theater to watch a show with my wife oh well that's actually pretty good timing um i wouldn't go to that show if i was you i wouldn't get in the car why wouldn't you go to the show i've heard fantastic things i'd love to hear some of your your famous quotes four scoring ten years ago i had a dream wow we've got a uh another person joining us how are you 40 years it's me i love slavery i hate slavery it sounded like you said you love slavery no i don't i actually it's the complete opposite let me pay for this costume i just got oh no oh my god's declined oh no okay let me just let me just use this angle contraption um we have we have another person joining the call hello hello who are you oh oh my god i'm lincoln bro i'm dead oh spooky i mean i'd still be alive but john booth killed me abraham lincoln wearing headphones i believe you're in the background of one of the other abraham's camera right now wow what are the odds did you guys uh shop at the same store well of course we shop at the same store we're the same person sorry this there's another person joining the call oh who is that where abouts iu right now uh viaduct sir right just been having a bit of a lunch [Laughter] who's going to the theater tonight well i just got thrown down by the gentleman in the bowtie this is very awkward because i've got i've got five different people claiming to be abraham lincoln well we all know who the real abraham lincoln is i would like to see the abraham lincoln with the orange cone wave with two heads wow that was quite something uh david i want to know what happened with the card declining there i ran into look sharp i got dressed didn't pay for it got there it declined and then i had to get onto my phone get into my band camp while this woman was staring at a brown abe lincoln transfer some money pay for it david and i actually just had lunch together in wellington and gone our separate ways when the phones went off and so i sprinted to look sharp and very sweaty i was talking to this woman i said you got anything like abe lincoln and she's like vaguely and then put together this costume and then i came outside and then not two minutes later very sweaty david wouldn't have run in picked out exactly the same costume laura yours was quite osama bin laden yeah yes but the task was first person to join the call so actually i think i put in too much effort she was unbelievably fast two minutes and 56 seconds wow okay so how did the points stack up one point matt two points ursula three points david four points guy and five points for laura daniel congratulations there are plenty more tasks to come well actually there's one um but that's plenty of my books we'll see you very very shortly after some riveting advertisements [Applause] [Music] welcome back to taskmaster the finish line is near and soon it will be raining tofu and biltong on our winner for the week but first scoreboard please paul williams first place with 17 points it's guy montgomery there is everything and nothing to play for let's head to the stage for our final task of the night okay a bare bones task would you like to give that to david to read maybe david please read this task taking turns name a celebrity your celebrity's name must start with the last letter of the previously named celebrity you cannot name a celebrity that has already been named you have 10 seconds to name your celebrity if you do not name one you will be eliminated if jeremy has not heard of your celebrity you have a further 10 seconds to convince him they are famous if you do not convince him you are eliminated last contestant standing wins so for example paul williams the s is the next celebrity oh yes can they be fictional characters are they all real people jeremy well i think they can be fictional characters as long as they're famous in their fictional world how well do you know yu-gi-oh is that his first or second name we're gonna start at this end with david joaquin phoenix [Applause] xavier rush the former auckland rugby player h h uh uh harry potter [Applause] plummy walker what you haven't heard of peter funny walker no harry potter ended in an r you oh you're eliminated so can i pick a new celebrity now or yes okay neil diamond david correos oh thank you uh sarah jessica parker raquel welsh harry styles shaun williams scott tina turner ronald mcdonald donald trump [Applause] oh no oh petra vegas is that is that a t t t um therese tom hanks sean connery yolanda be cool they're a they're a band they're they're a dj i've never heard of yolanda be cool how do you feel jeremy i can't accept that i don't never heard of yolanda be cool sorry david guy montgomery pink kerry hillson maryama campbell lionel messi um isabel lucas home and away transformers hot little blonde thing so i'm duller william wallace edgar wright tom cruise edgar allan poe [Laughter] erin simpson [Music] nicholas cage elon musk um kimberly crossman [Music] [Applause] [Music] back to guy our final two kim cattrall laura daniel who's that [Applause] [Laughter] ronald weasley well if you've heard of harry potter yeah but harry's famous was ronald weasley famous in that one yeah i reckon yeah yeah okay all right young lean he's a rapper and he's 10 times more famous than ronald [ __ ] know weasley got nothing it's it's an outrage but i've got nothing oh yellow yellow the color yellow [Laughter] come on down let's score it [Applause] welcome back on everyone how do we go with the scores there paul one point for matt two points for david three points for ursula four points for guy and five points for laura daniel [Applause] so where does that live task leave us for the overall standings for the series with a four-point lead with 103 points laura daniel all right so what about tonight's episode episode six who's the winner the winner of tonight's episode with 21 points guy montgomery congratulations guy head on up what an enthralling hour we've spent together tonight we've destroyed rocking chairs we've torn reputations to shreds i'm looking at you matt heath and we reanimated the same dead president five times but at taskmaster we can lift people up faster than we tear them down the main takeaway from tonight is that our winner is guy montgomery we'll see you next time [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Libby

Views: 113,901

Rating: 4.8163934 out of 5

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Id: kWa0kZg40z8

Length: 44min 15sec (2655 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 11 2021