*thumps* *music begins* Howzit goin to ya, laddies? I'm tired. I just got off an 11-hour flight from LA, I can barely speak, I am JET-LAGGED out of my....... ...Adam's apple *laugh* So I look like crap. I feel like crap. And, no, I'm not wearing this hat on
because I'm trying to hide how gross my hair is after a big long flight. I'm wearing my hat on backwards because it looks cool. and I wanna relive the 90s, when you could do this without being... Judged on the streets. So since I'm all loopy, and since I am... ABYSMALLY tired, And I know what you're thinkin, *in mocking voice* "Sean, years ago you said that Jet-lag doesn't affect you" I'm old now. My bones stopped working, my joints are creaky. My knees cra- Well, my knees have always cracked... Just tired, okay? I'm tired of being awake. *chukles* Everybody gets that. So I thought, what better thing to do, and I need to record videos anyway, because that grind doesn't stop. You need to keep videos comin' all the time, or youtube's gonna forget about you and you're gonna fizzle off into.... weirdness So I need to record a video. I- I need to work, plus I need to power through and make it until tonight so I can sleep tonight, sleep through the night, and then reset this jet-lag so I'm not... Messed up by it anymore. So since I'm slow as all hell, I thought it would be fun if we did a reaction test video. There's a bunch of reaction tests... We have the "Human Benchmark," we have "JustPark," we have the... "GSK STEM Education" "Online Reaction Time t-" Let's just go with the first one. *reading* "When the red box turns green, click as quickly as you can. Click anywhere to start." I can barely even read this right now, like that was an effort I have been terrible at this in general Now I have to do it when I'm tired? Okay, let's see how fast the human machine is. *rereading* *SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC* Okay, when the red box turns green.
*SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC* *Really slowed down jack* 231 milliseconds? That does not sound great. Okay, the average person is in here. *points to chart* Alright, at least we're average, we're in that ballpark, and I'm tired. I am about to die, and I'm still fast as most of you. The fastest fingers in the west! Alright, 1 out of 5 ain't bad. I don't think there's a way of failing this... Ok, wait for it. Ooh, 253, I'm getting slower! I'm in this bracket now. Ooh, no, who is 450 milliseconds? Only a corpse would be that slow, or somebody who's very close to being one. Mmm... Ooh, 202! Oh, I'm bringing it down, I'm in here now. Hell yeah! Good lord, some people are 50 milliseconds? There's no way. That's a machine. That's a robot.
That's Shroud! Alright, 3 out of 5, let's go again, let's get it lower than 202, I got this. Ooh, 241! Okay, I was kinda- I was getting ready to lean back 'cause if I lean too far forward I'm not in focus anymore, so I have to lean back, okay? It was all about the content... Last one. Last one, okay? Get those fingers goin'. Get those fingers ready. Okay, I'm ready, I'm ready! I can do this! Come on, Jackaboy! Ooh, 177, oh I'm the fastest man alive! I'm the Usain Bolt of fingerbanging my mouse. My average is 221 milliseconds. So I'm down about here. I'm in here. I'm in this nice, healthy wedge. I'm in this nice healthy peak of average-ness. Which is great. And don't forget, I'm tired. And I want... to go to sleep. But I can't... My brain's like, *Kid voice* "Papa? Papa, why you no sleep?" "Why you no go to sleep now? "Papa? Why you keep me awake, papa?" "Papa, the nightmares, they come again, papa!" Alright, I'm gonna save my score and Imma go again. Alright, rapid fire this time. Let's go! 207, not good enough! Ugh 173 - I'm getting lower and lower! We're down to 190 milliseconds, I'm about to do this! I'm the fastest! Oh hohohoho this is gettin' good! Red light, green light - and I'm red-green colorblind! Don't forget that, alright? Go back and watch my video where I did a color blindness test - I'm a mild protan. Which means I'm red-green color blind. I can't even see these colors and I'm still kickin' ass! ... I can see the colors it's just-it's, uh, multiple shades of colors that I can't see- whatever! Ugh, 194. Come on, you're bringing up the average, dumbass! *sigh* last one, last one, last one. Should I do it with my eyes closed? *laughs* Maybe that's how people got 450 milliseconds! Oh, 205! Gosh ding-dang! That's a load of beans! But at least I got down to 192. That means I'm down in here now. I'm even lower than before. Yes! And don't forget I got one in 173 milliseconds Booyaka, booyaka! I'm going to play some first-person shooter games! And I'm gonna- I'm a gonna click heads. Just-just click heads, forehead See, some people would also say "Well, Jack, why don't you just drink coffee? You like coffee." And that's true, but I've had two cups of coffee already today and now I have crazy-ass heartburn. ... and like coming up my neck. I feel like I'm bouta breathe fire like a dragon! So I just-I just need to hold out, alright. It's 6:30 p.m. if I could just make it to, like, 9 or 10... then we'll be solid But right now, I have to park a car! How old are your reactions? I get it, because it's based on time! In a moment, you'll start driving. When you see *laughs* when you see AdBlock - you have to-you have to pause it so we can make money off of our website! When I see that sign, I have to press any key to stop. We'll guess your age based on your reactions. Aww, this is going to make me feel really bad! I'm gonna be so-Okay, let this be known again, have I told you guys how tired I am? *laughs* It's gonna say I'm like 45 or something! Alright, let's-let's do this. Whenever it says stop Whenever it shows up wh-where does it show up? Ooh god! You have the reactions of a 25 year-old. Hey! *laughs* I de-aged four years! With the reaction time of 350 milliseconds ... That is astronomically high! Okay, I'ma-I'ma-I'ma try again. *drumroll in backgound* I don't wanna be 25, I wanna go back into the womb. I wanna be a two year-old No! That was even slower, I'm a 29 year-old. Hey! *laughs* Right within the ballpark of where I'm supposed to be! I can be faster, though! This is-this is a literal time machine - I'm going to go back in time and I'm going to be super young. Also, I wanna see what you guys are able to do. Alright no-well I was gonna say no cheating but I don't know how you would actually cheat this. Do this one! It's called justpark.com. Do this one and tell me how old you are. And what your-Take a screenshot and send it to me Come on, Jimbo! Ooh! 320! I'm a 21 year-old! I'm going back in time. Start up the time machine, we're going back, Marty! Ooh! 294! We're not sure if you're an actual human being. Yes! *laughs* That's what I strive to do in life! Is to be better than human! Is to be faster than a machine! What's the- the last one I was gettin' 177 And this one now is saying anything below 294 is not human? ... am I double not-human? We surveyed 2,000 people aged 18 and above and asked them to play the game. We then plotted their reaction time against their age. Your predicted age is the age that most closely matches the age of people within your age. uh, can you say 'age' more? So 18 year-olds have an average of 296 How much do actual 29 year-olds have? Not me, of course, because I'm a superhuman man-baby. Even tired, I'm more than human. ... Or less than human. I don't know what it was actually saying. 379 milliseconds Good lord. Jesus! 90 year-olds are out here being 1,000 milliseconds! A full second before they're able to do anything! Get your head in the game, 90 year-olds! Okay? How are you going to play esports CS:GO with those reaction times? I'mma do another one. I'mma do another one. I'm going to be the fastest man in the West Okay, I'm gettin' a little slower. I got .206 the first time. Alright. I can get to 177 again. Wait, didn't I get to like 173? Alright, go. Go! Green light, red light! Green light! Ooh .21! Aw, it said I was faster the first time. Okay, what's my average gonna be? Ooh, .18 and .193.
Ok, done, what's that mean? Okay, they didn't give me any results. Whatever, this one sucks. Aah, jesus! This is like that game in the arcade where you have to hit all the buttons. I'm very good at that 'cause I'm spry and I'mma slim hip little fucker But When I- I have to like stand back because you can't see all of them all at once So I have to stand back and look at it and then my arms aren't long enough Alright. 'Hit the buttons as quickly as possible as they light up'. This one is going to be a travesty! Alright. I feel like I'm going to have to be like this and someone's gonna have to- put little droppers of expresso on my eyeballs! Alright. Ready? 3 2 1 Go! Ok, this isn't so much about reaction times. This is more got to do with... mouse sensitivity's as well Oh lordy-loo! Ok, I'm pretty good though! I'm pretty good! Oh God, no I'm not Oh God. I wanna see like a professional Esporter do this- I wanna see Shroud do this I'm calling him out! Oh! Oh God! How long do I have left? I don't know. This is good to get your mouse sensitivity down though. As you can see I'm overshooting quite a lot of them, ok? All I wanna do is go to bed! Ok, your score: 50! Highest score: 50! Your reaction time: .5! Hell yeah! That one- that's even lower than before! I was 177 before. Now I'm- I don't know what any of this means. Instructions: hit an even number. Ok! Now you're just playing with fire I don't want to do this Ok, let's try. ...hit an odd number! Oh God! Uh... 11! Uh hit an odd number. Uh... ...35! Uh hit an odd number. Uh... fucking... 39? Yes. Hit an even number! Uh... *tongue noises* I got 8. Is 8 good?! This is all I wanna be right now... This is all I wanna be... is just sleeping. Sleeping the day away... Look at all these boys sleeping! I could be you... I could be you but I because a damn YouTuber! Now I'm sitting here: tired and jet-lagged! This is me instead! *Chuckles* Alright, well that does it for this video. I've no idea what this was... Hopefully, it was fun for you guys to watch... I... am in pain *chuckles* I'm suffering so much I used to be that guy who was like full of energy! Always go out there and kick ass! And never lose energy! But then I realised that I was trying to prove something to everybody and be like "Yeah, I'm Mr. Energetic and I never get tired". Which I didn't! But now it's like "you know what: I'm chill. I'm fine. I don't have to prove myself to anybody. I'm just gonna hang out and get tired and sleep". I like bed! Bed is nice! You know when I used to say "sleep is for the weak"? That was stupid! Don't ever say that. Sleep is for people who wanna... live longer Sleep is for people- sleep is for nice people Sleep is for the people who are smart and use their brains Don't overwork yourselves. Don't stay up all night. Don't pull all-nighters. Sleep Sleep for me! Anybody sleeping right now? Yo! Like this video if you're sleeping right now! Like, comment, and subscribe if you're asleep right now! If you're catching those mad Z's. If you're counting sheep... Smash that video! *Laughs* Alright! Goodnight! *Laughs* *'I'm Everywhere' by TeknoAXE plays* I wanna sleep! Sleep! *Imitates guitar*
