"STOP TEARING YOUR MARRIAGE APART"

matthew chapter number 19 i want to begin reading in verse number three the pharisees also came unto him tempting him and saying unto him is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause and he referring to jesus answered and said unto them have you not read that which he had made them at the beginning made them male and female jesus is going all the way back to genesis chapter number two and then he said in verse five for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh wherefore there are no more twain or two but they're one flesh what therefore this is how jesus closed the conversation what therefore god had joined together let no man put asunder in december if you will remember i gave you a list of statistics nationally speaking i said in that list that according to the population of our church six families this year will be divorced the sad report is this is only april and six families of our church have already filed for divorce the first marriage ever recorded in the bible was performed by the lord himself in genesis chapter 2 it was god that brought eve to her husband adam in some ways adam had it made in some ways he may have feel like he got cheated well think about it he didn't have any other woman to choose from but he didn't have a mother-in-law either so i'm gonna tell you i trust god with my wife if i didn't so god made the woman for the man not the man for the woman because god knew in his creation that man needs a wife god said that himself in genesis chapter 2 and 18 verse 18 he god said it's not good for man to be alone he never said that about a woman had god created woman first he had never created man because women would have done just fine without us lady just done five but we as feeble are as we are even in our nature of innocence in the garden god said it's not good for us to be alone so god instituted and illustrated the purpose and the definition of something that we call in our day a home the union and commitment of man and woman is to share their lives together working accepting responsibilities and also affection through those three commodities being shared they will have prosperity opportunity and children never that i know of in the history of my life has there been such a satanic attack of pressure temptation and corruption to destroy and to pervert god's purpose and plan for this thing we call marriage as a means of introduction i want to show you some things about marriage and it's going to get very quiet here today so i'm glad i'm not going to get paid by clapping today or i'd have to pay you to be here some of you are already saying i wish to god i'd have called in sick first of all in verse four i want you to notice the meaning of marriage what does marriage mean it means that god instituted that a man come together and be with a woman he said in verse four god created male and female you need to underline that because anything other than that has never been created or endorsed by god anything other than that so the meaning of marriage is that in this union that god instituted that the partakers of that union be a male and a female i want you to notice the misunderstanding of marriage in verse number five i don't think any verse about marriage is more misunderstood than matthew chapter 19 and verse 5. it's here that jesus said that when two get married a male and female they are to do two things automatically they are to leave and they are to cleave do you see that in your bible when it talks about leaving that does not mean forsaking your family and not having anything to do with them what it means when it talks about leaving is that you are adult enough that you can walk out from under the security and the protection of your parents and you have established your life with job and discipline so that you can make it on your own if you cannot make it on your own you are not ready to get married if you don't have a job you are not ready to get married i'm telling you now i told my kids you're not getting married and living in my basement i don't let moles in my house and i don't want your marriage in my house you get married get away from me birds when they're young get so old and they teach them how to fly one day while they're out flying the mother or father come back and destroy the nest so that the children learn that it's time for you to get out on your own see when you leave your parents it's your parents sanctioning that you have proven that you're mature enough to handle your own family and at that time we as parents should be able to pull back and you pay your own car payment and you pay your own rent payment and you pay your own insurance that's called growing up and if you can't do that then you're not ready to leave your parents now when you leave them there is a there is a reaction or a reflux to that and that is in the reflex you are to cleave now who are you cleaved to you're the cleave to the woman that god has brought you into leaving your parents doesn't mean isolating yourself from them or cheating them or treating them like they're second class now because you have found the love of your life as a matter of fact you obey them while you're home you honor them after you're grown that's what the bible teaches but people misinterpret this verse and men and women when they get married think that if they don't leave their parents out of their marriage that they're not cleaving to them in the proper way that is a misinterpretation of this verse jesus was not implying that at all what he was saying the word cleave means that when hard times come it it it gives the impression of two people holding each other to give security during the time of a storm so what god is saying is if you think you're ready for marriage you got to be able to take on the responsibilities of marriage without your parents having to pay all your bills and baby you and pamper you i don't think kids grow up anymore these sap suckers they leech on us till they die now and so my daddy told me if i was old enough to get married i was old enough to take care of my own family but cleveland to each other does not mean leaving your family out of your life it means that when the storms of life come you hold each other you embrace each other you secure each other and you don't go around calling all your family and get everybody and their mother involved in your problems in your marriage and then now everybody's got opinions and everybody's got it implies keeping your mouth shut staying home as a male and female that have been brought together and united by god and when the storms of life come you embrace each other you secure each other you encourage each other and you hold on to each other till the storm passes by that means every time you get in a fight ladies you don't call mama and run your mouth and then she says well just come on back home and forget about it no you marry for better or worse so suck it up buttercup you need to stay right where you're at and when the storms of life come you cannot run from the storms of your marriage they're going to happen jesus said storms would come they would come down a house the floods would come up and the winds would blow against it but leaving your parents means you respect them you honor them you stay in fellowship with them but from now on when i go through the storms of life god has given me a mate and i want her to embrace me and i want to embrace her and us together in a proper relationship with god will get us through any and every storm that the world will ever inflict on our marriages now notice the miracle of marriage in verse number six it's a miracle that god takes a man and a woman twain the bible says which means two and they become one that's a miracle to me because in the garden of eden god took one adam took his rib and made eve and one became two but in the dispensation of marriage in the church it's the opposite god takes two a male and a female and through marriage they become one now in verse six this is what jesus said about this union of a male and female what god hath joined together notice the terminology what god has joined together that word join means to bond to glue to unite or to weave together god said let no man watch this terminology pull asunder that means divide separate sever tear into pull down kill make void dissolve depart from pull to pieces or to saw in half what god is simply saying is if you've incorporated me in your marriage and you two loved me and you've been born again when you are joined together in holy matrimony when the storms come in life it should pull you closer together not further apart and god said by the way don't let any man divide what i have put together what i have glued what i have bonded what i have woven what i have united god said don't let anybody dissolve what i have put together that word terror asunder means to literally tear apart it means from one to be drawn into two but to cause death on both sides so with that thought in mind and the quiet crowd that i have here today i would like to preach on the subject stop tearing your marriage apart stop tearing your marriage apart in these difficult days in which we are living i wrote down just praying and studying what i think is some of the main reasons why marriages in our churches are crumbling i'm gonna mention a few of them to you it'll be all you can handle and the rest of it you can look online let me give you some things that's killing what we call christian marriages number one mood swings are killing and tearing our marriages apart yeah mood swings nothing is more disheartening than to wake up every day wondering which husband or wife you have to deal with that day you must understand before you got married your mate not only fell in love with you as a person but they also fell in love with your personality they married you because you were sweet and kind and funny and happy and thoughtful and understanding and every day of our lives we ought to strive to be the person that our mate wanted to spend the rest of their life with some of you people are like dr jekyll and mr hyde you freaked me out if i was some of you wife's husband i'd be smoking a joint that long and that big around because you women are crazy i don't know what's got into you women you get up one day it's peachy cream you're cooking breakfast you're kissing his feet he's the best thing since peanut butter and the next day you act like he's a leper that stumbled into your house and you're wanting to dial 9-1-1 and get him thrown out oh you're laughing but you know i'm telling the truth you can laugh but you know i'm telling the truth so the very personality that you put on when you were dating your mate is the one they fell in love with so i strive every day god help me to be that person that my wife loved 44 years ago when we were pronounced husband and wife if you let mood swings get into your marriage it causes distance fear and lack of communication mood swings are just a result of your emotions consuming you and being excessive you've got too much on you women reveal this most under three simple realities of life when a woman is under stress trust me you don't know what you got she is a bundle of nerves waiting for an opportunity to blow up in your face number two when she's pregnant brother danny you i'm sure it's the first time i ever heard you pray out loud brother daddy in all these years when a woman isn't expecting a child there's a lot of hormonal things going on in her body she's now living for two people she's feeding for two people she's breathing for two people and all these hormones that you fell in love with because she was pleasant and kind and wonderful and beautiful and understanding that is out the window for the next nine months you're gonna wake up with a gorilla you're gonna wake up with a monster women that are pregnant are like cats and that's why i hate a cat i hate a cat can't believe anybody in their right mind would want a cat a nasty cat i'll tell you why i hate them suckers that low down sucker will crawl up in your lap and meow and in just a second i mean man you don't even have to do anything these stinking claws come out and they'll gouge your eyeballs out when your wife gets pregnant that's exactly what you got brother you may come in bouncing around get you a kiss but before your lips ever leaves hers yeah mood swings and the third one's even worse menopause oh you just wait honey you think it's tough in your 30s wait you get around 45 50 years old you you married to a cat you ain't never seen before one man come to me and said pray for me my wife's going through the change i said sir if you're married to a woman she will always be going through a change and it's during these times we as men have to be understanding that these are chemical balances taking a change in our wives body and sometimes they need to be understood and loved because they don't even understand themselves it's when they're going through that change and they're difficult and they don't even know what emotions they need to express it's then that they need you to love them and embrace them and understand them and let them know by the grace of god this will come to pass one day mood swings are killing our marriages they create hurt and that hurt leads to resentment you know you get you get over with your mood swing and then you wonder why your mate is upset your mate's upset because they're so tired of it with resentment that now they're bitter towards you two things to do when your mate's going through a mood swing listen to them or leave them alone anything outside of that you in trouble listen or leave them alone one fellow brought his wife a mood ring and so he went to work and the guy at work said how's that mood green work on your wife he said easy said when she's in a good mood it's a blue dot right there said when she's in a bad mood it puts a red dot on me right here where she hits him in the head i bought my wife one and it caught on fire on her finger it was second of all you want to tear your marriage apart mind games as a professional trained counselor nothing offends me more than the watch of marriage indulge in hurtful unending mind games it's not only a huge character flaw it's habit forming playing mind games is have it for me because it makes you feel like you have the upper hand on your mate and now you feed this thing called control this act is proven when your words don't match your actions mind games is when you say one thing but then you do something else things like disqualifying your mate making them feel small persecuting them guilt trips gaslighting shaming them or pretending to be something you're not in front of them to play mind games simply means that you are mentally raping your mate men do this to make their wives feel scared insecure anxiety so that eventually they'll break down and submit to them let me give you some signs of your mate playing mind games on you number one they sulk if they don't get their way every time you're married to a baby and if they don't get their way they get off the corner and suck their thumb you know what i'd do if my husband did that i was a woman i'd put a pamper on that sucker and i'd say if you're gonna act like a baby we gonna dress you like you put a depend on him he'll stop that nonsense you notice that they always struggle to have power over everybody they're around number three they use silent treatment instead of communication to solve problems you go to them you have a problem you want to work through it first thing they say is i don't want to talk about it i don't know of a problem in the world that's ever been solved that it wasn't talked about even the sin problem in the world had to be talked about before it could be fixed silent treatment has never fixed a problem you must sit down with understanding and communicate next they'll use guilt shame or argue in order to control you their speech and actions offer you no comfort and no hope to be a better person when and if there's a disagreement within the marriage our speech should be so constructive that even when it's over with our mate should feel like we were trying to comfort them and to make them a better person mind games are wicked they're ungodly because a lot of it goes on in the head and not in the body it is devastating it causes psychological problems it causes anxiety thoughts of suicide hopelessness no worth in their life this is going on by the millions every day by church people that think they're in control simply because they can destroy the thinking of their mate you haven't won anything as a matter of fact you're only going to multiply your problems down the road quit playing mind games with the person you say you love if you say you love them then you ought to want them to have a spirit of a sound mind with confidence security measured with love and affection at the same time that's a marriage number three you want to tear your marriage apart manipulation try to control or guide your home in a sneaky form or action this is usually activated by somebody so they can get their way they're seeking pity attention they have selfish motives and they win by literally wearing their mate down physically emotionally and spiritually you're being manipulated when your mate is constantly trying to undermine you you're being manipulated if they throw up a guilt trip every time you need to talk to them about something you're being manipulated if your mate always plays the victim and never accepts responsibility for anything you're being emotionally drained on purpose so that through manipulation they can control you they'll make you question yourself or their affection and dedication to you has strings attached to it a manipulator will want to isolate you from other people so they don't see how much you're controlling their life no marriage has ever been happy through manipulation there's got to be an avenue of trust in a marriage a marriage can do without air conditioning it can do without an automobile a marriage can do without a lot of things but you can't have manipulation and trust at the same time you can't live under this i'm telling you the human body cannot constantly function under these things that i'm giving you for instance i don't have to know where my wife is every time she leaves the house she doesn't have to send me a survey of where she's going how long she's going to be there how much money she spent at what time she's going to be home that's manipulation if you can't trust your wife to go shop and bless god and buy groceries and understand how much money you got and you got to give her a time limit to come home you should have married a dog and and just train it you don't have a wife you got an animal you're not treating her like a wife you're treating her like an animal and no woman can mentally be happy and live under those circumstances when my wife says she's go shopping i say help yourself have a good time something happens you got your cell phone give me a call when are you coming home i don't care when she comes home the quieter the better let her go because i'm telling you man when my mind comes home silence is gone i you can't get a minute's piece the woman will drop a pan then she'll kick it through the house which will knock over the refrigerator which will cause the dishwasher to open up and by the time she gets out the kitchen i'm sitting there like this i said i'll tell you one thing brother the next house we live there's gonna be a four walls around the kitchen with insulation that wide in them because i'll be sitting on the recliner relax also bang bang boom and i think dear god iraq's bombed america i love when she's gone i pay her to leave get out of here here's 14 bucks an hour man have at it we manipulate them and it's not right and it doesn't honor god because we are supposed to treat our wives like jesus does the church and i'm sure glad jesus don't treat the church like some of you men are treating your wives you're a manipulator i don't like it i'm going to preach against it and if i lose everybody i got it doesn't matter but when a man doesn't want to be with his wife but he wants to sleep with his wife but he doesn't want to live with his wife you're a manipulator your wife's not a and you need to quit treating her like a and you need to get away from her and divorce her or move in your dead dumb house and live with her and take on the responsibilities of being a man your wife's not a quit treating her like what matter of fact she's being treated worse than a because at least the gets paid that's manipulation that's ungodly that's sensual you want your cake and eat it too you want everything that makes you feel good without the responsibilities without the burdens without the questions without you're a manipulator and you need to shut up and you need to grow up and you need to realize that is your mate god gave her to you god gave him to you and your mistakes need to be kept within yourself love each other let it bring you closer together the storm will pass the sun will shine again you'll be more in love than you've ever been before but this thing about shacking up every day when you get horny then going back and living somewhere else i'm telling you that's out of hell i'll never agree with that and i ain't i ain't putting up with it that's called manipulation when women have to put things on their camera to find out where their husband is all the time oh god he's been nine minutes at the restaurant why in the world would it be at the restaurant are you out of your ever loving mind you think my wife's putting me on a time clock are you crazy what kind of man you don't have a marriage you got a prison going on you ought to be able to trust your husband if he's going to the restaurant or going to the hardware store or going to get a gallon of paint or going to fill up the car with a guy you mean you can't trust him to fill the car up with gas that is manipulation and a man is not going to live under that kind of control god didn't make a man to live like that you've got to trust each other understand each other look ladies look up here bless god you can shatter pound i'm telling you i'm trying to be nice let me tell you ladies something please look up here at me god did not make us to stay at home all the time he made you to stay at home all the time here's what the bible says you that the age women teach the younger women to be keepers at home that's what your bible says all right now watch this so that means god put in you the ability to be around home surroundings all the time god put that in you you're made that way but you get mad because we're not made that way god made us to go out and work we got to get away from that we can't handle that all the time i can't handle dirty diapers all the time i ain't having them none of the time but i'm just saying that's the truth my wife went somewhere one of my kids dirty their diaper i set him in the corner gave him a toy and sprayed him with light saw till she got back that's the truth i did you can laugh they never got a cold they were 21 years old they were so sanctified but you ladies get mad at us because we don't want to be home all the time we can't handle that we can't step over toys every time we come in the house we can't have a crying kid under each arm all day long we're not structured for that you're better than us in this because god equipped you to be that way so if we need some down time would you get over it i'm not screwing another woman i'm not smoking crack i'm not getting drunk i'm not out gambling i just need to get away from all this nonsense will you get over it now i know i'm being bold and i know i'm being edgy but bless god somebody all start dealing with this stuff we got six marriages in this church falling apart somebody's got to say something about it and it's not that we don't love you and it's not that we don't love the kids we ain't made to sit there like that we will find stuff to do i've waxed the lawn more before you know how far out you gotta be to wax a lawnmower but i had to get out of the house now you women are gifted i'm bragging on you i don't know how you do it you got a kid under one arm crying you got one under this arm that needs changed and you're doing the dishwasher with your feet and you're filling out your taxes with your toes i don't know how you do it i'm glad you can do it but i can't do that so don't manipulate me and make me feel like a bad husband because i can't do what you're doing i'm not equipped to do what you're doing and to make me that way is to manipulate me and to make me into something god never intended for me to be and i'm moving on by the way we won't have to order any pews or anything i think we'll have plenty of room after this sunday you want to tear your marriage apart start mistreating each other no man or woman deserves to be abused or mistreated in a relationship nobody that includes physical abuse mental abuse spiritual abuse these are aggressive these people are controlling they're never wrong about anything anybody's never wrong about anything you thought they were jesus's twin brother but they're mean they laugh when other people fail they're liars they never say they're sorry about anything they don't need to get saved because they've never sinned they're misleading they're egotistical and the only time they find time for something is for themselves they blame everyone else for their failures they belittle others and they feel like they're entitled and they cry for a week if they don't get their way in real relationships they prefer and consider the other above themselves it's guided by love understanding and communication i wonder how many times this kid a day i tell you i love you i don't know how many times a day i tell you i'm madly in love with you we were coming to church and i grabbed my wife well anyway i touched my wife and i told her how beautiful how wonderful you are how intelligent you are how bright how kind how you're everything i ever wanted in a wife and 44 years later if i had to do over again and every woman in the world was lined up before me i'd still pick you now i don't need to hear that my wife does not have to get up every morning and say i love you i know you love me honey chill it's going to be a good day i don't have to have it i appreciate it but i don't have to have it but that woman does and because it's her nature and not ours we find ourselves going days and weeks at a time and never even say i love you when is the last time without anything added to it you took your wife by the hand and looked her in the eye turned your phone off laid the remote down and looked her in the eye and said i am madly in love with you you do that when she's ready to leave you then you try to fix in one week a problem you've had for 30 years and she's not going to accept that because she's wondering why haven't you been doing this the last 30 years to me why didn't you love me for the last 30 years why didn't you tell me that i was the love of your life for the last 30 years i don't need that she does so what do i do every time she answers the phone when i call the first thing that comes out of my mouth is i love you wow it's quieter now than it was last night when i was down here praying by myself but we men are so selfish we feel like because we don't need it that means they don't need it the last thing i tell my wife before she goes to bed i hug her i kiss her and that's what i say to her there is nothing in the world i would not do for you that's how much i love you that woman goes to bed hearing that every night of her life now i don't need her to say that to me brother charles i don't need it but she does and there's times my wife don't understand me the other day i'm praying out loud for my family now who wouldn't encourage somebody to pray out loud for their family so i'm at my home saying oh god use my children save all my grandchildren god i want you to use them for you and you know what she says to me would you be quiet what kind of spiritual woman would say that to a man that's praying out loud now in her defense it was 2 30 in the morning so i am going to defend her on that mistreating one another please be very careful don't let anything get in your way to make you say or do something in your relationship that would hinder you and make you feel like you're mistreating your mate i'm out of time can you take any more of this you want to tear your marriage apart micromanage it one should never feel like every move every action and every activity they're doing is being monitored i'm not a robot for god's sake i'm a human being i know when to go somewhere i know about how long it's going to take and if i'm five minutes late i'm not running around on you and if you quit watching them stupid soap operas every day you'd quit getting that junk in your head that your husband's doing the same thing it's a micromanagement is a form of anxiety that's manifested in controlling symptoms of that are synonyms to that is control intervene or to nitpick somebody it is so heartbreaking to me and i weep every time a man or a woman comes to me in my office and says to me no matter what i do it's never good enough i don't think you know how much you're hurting your husband or your wife by saying or giving them an impression that they're not good enough in what they're doing for you maybe it's not the best job maybe it didn't do it just like you wanted it but you should always be grateful that you got somebody there that's trying their best to make you happy and to keep your home together now signs of micromanaging some of you are doing it probably don't even realize it you struggle with delegating authority you give somebody something to do then you're on their back to every step of the way to make sure it's done exactly like you want it done they seem to have no free time boy if you find five minutes you're not doing something you've got to find something to do because god forbid that you relax and enjoy life you run things super tidy and organized everything's got to be so so or you're just in a frenzy about it that's micromanaging i deal with this i have to fight this all the time i am super tidy and organized and so i have to understand times i need to just sit down and relax and let it go you when you micromanage you got to know everything that's happening with everybody in the family you got to know every move that everybody else is making and that is so strange to me when you get married brother mark us two become one right and all of a sudden my sisters are going to call me and tell me how to run my marriage or your brother's going to call you and tell you how to run your marriage when their marriage is screwed up they've had kids out of wedlock they've been divorced so much they know them by first names down at the courthouse but you gonna tell me how to run my marriage you can suck an egg jack that ain't happening in my marriage i'm gonna run my marriage shut your mouth you run yours the way you want to and i'll run mine the way god leads me to and i know i'm preaching right now and i intend to preach it because that is nonsense nobody ought to be running your marriage but you your mate and god and everybody else ought to shut up and stay out of your marriage you feel guilty if you relax when you do give somebody else something or there's something that needs to be done you can't just say hey could you do this for me no you got to give them instructions and write them a list oh yeah i know what i'm talking about most men when they come home from work they don't get a kiss they get a list here's what i want you to do while i'm gone oh yeah how much you paying me an hour yo if i'm gonna do all this that's god there's gonna be some green in my hand by the way i'm not your janitor blessed god i'm your husband sometimes my wife i'll come in she said honey this is broke that's broken that bro i said you know what that's why you married me she'll say why i said you knew i could fix stuff you probably went home and said mom he's not good-looking he don't have any money but he can fix anything i'm going to get this cat and sometimes when i come home i don't want a list i know stuff needs to get done but kiss me say hello how was your day no hey you know you cut the grass by the way did he get the weed eating done and by the way you clapping now brother nick you'll be crying this time next year and all of a sudden man it's this list i'm thinking my god why did i marry i i get paid at walmart for being a janitor i make good money doing this list but you micromanage it's got to be done you can't sit down and enjoy life if there's garbage in the garbage can you can't give a kiss till the garbage is empty all the window seals have to be dunked they haven't been done in three days and oh dear god there's two toys out in the middle of the floor i'm about to lose my mind man would you chill and shut up for a while why don't you lay a kiss on your husband that's so hot and wet that he loses his breath and then let's god honey i didn't mean now i'm going by wait till you get out of here by the way they just got married that's why she's screaming like that matthew you've never shouted this much in church he just got married take a picture now next year they'll be on the altar oh god micromanaging your marriage and this one's probably as important as anyone i'm done when you major i'm bringing up your past every time you have a communication reliving and holding your mate over a mistake they made in the past is sacrilege nothing positive will ever come out of you trying to get leverage or win a disagreement by throwing up the past if you're going to stay with your mate then you owe them the opportunity to be forgiven forgiven does not mean you forget it that's impossible and anybody that tells you other than that is a liar forgiveness is not being able to forget it forgiveness is coming to the point in your life where you don't have to think about it and you don't have to talk about it that's what forgiveness is i promise you if you bring up everything they've ever done wrong every time you have a spat you're going to drive your partner out the door forever they will never come back again women are awesome in memorizing this stuff you get in spat with your husband and he says honey i didn't mean it like oh yeah you did 19 years ago you had a pair of blue jeans on and a yellow shirt and then brown shoes with no socks you said that 19 years ago but you thought i forgot it i put it in my cell phone if some of you would put as much scripture in your cell phone as you do the mistakes your mate has made you probably have a pretty good marriage in your life i've just about lost everybody and that's when i know it's time to quit letting go of the past is a sign of growth and true love for your mate if you don't let this go it produces jealousy blame and nothing but arguments and your kids will be raised in a home full of hell we've all made mistakes we've all said stuff we didn't even mean when we said it we've all acted in a way that we look back on it now we're ashamed of but no one will stay in a relationship where the past is always threatening their future our homes are weak and our harmful homes are affecting our society as well as our churches and all six of you may go ahead with your divorce but i'm telling you as your pastor i'm not going to quit preaching on it because you've done it this younger generation needs to know what a real christian home is all about let's give the lord a hand and

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Length: 41min 39sec (2499 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 19 2021