- Good evening. I'm Stephen Colbert, coming to you live from my secret mountain lair. I really wish I could be there tonight, but unfortunately,
Anthony Fauci is standing just outside my door with a taser. (audience laughs) I am honored to celebrate
my friend, Jon Stewart, receiving the Mark Twain
Prize for American Humor, sponsored by America's funniest corporate financial service
institution, Capital One. (audience laughs) What's in your wallet? Tonight, it's laughter. (audience laughs) First, entirely fitting that Jon is receiving the Twain Prize. In fact, I think Mark Twain would be lucky to get the Jon Stewart prize. - Boom! Boom!
- They have a lot in common. Yeah. They're both brilliant satirical writers, both called out the
hypocrisies of their times, and, like Mark Twain, Jon also appears to
have been born in 1835. (audience laughs) Jon's not only a comedian. He's also a prophet. Years before anyone had heard of COVID 19, Jon wore nothing but stained sweatpants and avoided all human contact. (audience laughs) He tried to warn us, but we didn't listen. (audience laughs) Now, it has been said that a genius is one whose work changes
their art form forever, and Jon certainly changed late night. All of us who do topical humor on a daily basis are
standing on his shoulders. Which reminds me, I do hope you're taking the Boniva, Jon. It looks like you drank
out of the wrong chalice in an Indiana Jones movie. (audience laughs) Fun fact. I was already working at "The Daily Show" when Jon took over. I had been there with the
first host, Craig Kilborn, God rest his soul. Before Jon changed the
focus of "The Daily," it was my job as a correspondent to interview unmedicated
conspiracy theorists who believe in Bigfoot and aliens who put babies in your butt. But today those people are in Congress. (audience laughs and applauding) Now, in addition to being
a legend in late night, Jon is one of my dearest friends. One of my dearest work friends. (audience laughs) So few people understand the work that we late night hosts do. So how blessed am I that
I could have a friend who can just check in with me, or I can check in with him. Do you have any idea how rare a friendship like that is in show business? Rarer still, we didn't
turn it into a podcast. (audience laughs) Of course, all of us here know that Jon is a brilliant comedian. But his close friends know that Jon's true passion
is recreational anxiety. (audience laughs) It's his superpower. Instead of a radioactive spider, Jon was bitten by a
clinically depressed squirrel. (audience laughs) But that, that is why
he's the perfect person to publicly worry about the
future of our democracy, why so many people think he
should run for president. And I get it. (audience cheers and applauds) Yeah. He's got a lot in common
with Bill Clinton. A keen intelligence, the
veganism, the rapid aging. (audience laughs) And those early days of "The Daily Show" were a special time that
really had nothing to do with the success of the show. No one was really watching. It was all about the fun
we had with each other, and about how much we cared about getting the jokes right every day. And that spirit of adventure, that feeling that we were
a band of happy pirates, that all started from the top with our fearless and ridiculous leader. And the show really came into
its own in the 2000 election. I remember the night that Al Gore conceded after 32 days of indecision
and legal wrangling. We finally got to perform all these pieces we'd been sitting on for a month. And it was a really great night. And I remember I was sitting
at the desk with Jon, and as we went into the
last commercial break I turned to him. And I don't know if you
remember this, Jon, but this is true. Under the applause, I said
to you what was in my heart. What I knew to be true. I said, "This is the
best job on television." And as well as the show
had gone that night, and it did, I know now that what I
was really saying to you was the best job on television
was working for you. I meant that when I said it in 2000. And 22 years later, I no longer mean that. I have a way better job now. (audience laughs and applauds) Okay? I make a lot more money. I have a much bigger audience. People chant my name. CBS has a plane I can sometimes use. It's really nice. You can get up and get your own Diet Coke or peanuts or whatever. But I couldn't do my job, I wouldn't have my career if it wasn't for those years with Jon. If I hadn't seen his example of working with intention, of staying silly while giving a damn, of always doing his best
to lead with clarity and treat people with
respect along the way. He is the kindest, most thoughtful friend, the fastest mind, the stupidest doofus, and most passionate patriot for whom his love of country is no joke. So ladies and gentlemen,
join me in congratulating the most fitting recipient
of the Mark Twain Prize I could imagine, my brother, Jon Stewart. (audience cheers and applauds) - Thank you, Stephen. Thank you.
