you know you're going to put these pillows back on the couch when you're done right yeah I I'll clean it up when I'm done yeah you better and what are you making anyway it doesn't even look sturdy I'm making a pillow fort it's Fort Jr for what so I can hide from everybody and run my own Kingdom look close me inside it okay whatever wait wait this is how you close it right yeah are you satisfied yeah my friends are here uh let him in but but tell them I'm inside my pillow for it now you want me to let him in hello hey Junior wait wait you're not Junior obviously look Junior's in this pillow fort pillow fort yeah just come in who junior cool pillow this is dope dude who goes there what what do you mean Junior it's your friends yeah Joseph and Cody dude yeah Joseph and Cody hm I don't see those names on the list what list the cool list all I see is Junior dude we've been your best friends for like ever we come over almost every day yeah H well if you are my best friends what what's the secret sentence secret secret sentence Junior it's usually a password it would take us forever to guess an entire sentence you got to give us a subject or something what is it about yeah well I'll give you a hint the hint is Junior is super awesome what is that the sentence yeah yeah well then Junior super awesome y'all said it I am super awesome so uh y'all can come inside now if youall want to this awesome this awesome dude Cody move your stupid face yeah watch out look that way okay okay I'm in there okay got itoo all right guys do you love it dude it's cramped yeah yeah it is a little cramped it's probably just because of me and Ken's bombastic biceps taking up all the space well stop flexing then I don't think I can all right guys so there's only two rules to my pillow fort okay the the first rule no girls allow oh yes Junior that's great that you know what that is exactly what I've been talking about yes just just a bunch of dudes hanging out being broke shirtless it's great yes that yeah thank you actually no I'm taking that rule back girls girls are allowed we need them please gay all right guys so the second rule is um you have to obey everything I say junior is the boss junior is the president so you have to obey everything I say what okay yeah so what do y'all want to do um you guys want to make out or something what d d it's too Camp yeah it's really Camp all I'm making a new rule no dolls allowed Junior that's not fair you let him in before well now I don't want him here so I want the doll gone no Junior you're you're disobeying the first rule which is obey me if Ken goes I go too well get out there more room for us yeah super Crown well fine I don't want to be part of your stupid pill for it anyway I'll there my own pillow for it oh good luck you won't make a better pillow fort than me I make the best pillow for it yeah look at all this room now yeah we're very spacious now thanks Cody you're going to regret it Cody this is the best pill for ever I would love to see him make one better dude now that Cody's gone what are we going to do now H can you believe Cody says I'm going to build my own pillow for you can't build a better pillow forious dude you want to check on him and see how he's doing with his pillow for yeah let's do it what is that I don't know Cody what is that it looks awful oh my God I fell over hey Cody who' you get to help you make that pillow for bonano Bano yeah oh my God what an amateur Cody yeah dude he can't make a pillow for he so foolish I don't know I even tried wait did you hear something what's that noise I don't know who wants to come over to Fort huny we got dudes drinks and more dudes whoa dude do you see that yeah how' you do that I don't know he just like did that really fast dude let's go check Che on him wa juli your did is shut up Cody come out here right now yeah what do you think you're doing you can't take the curss off the couches and make a bigger pillow fort than me yeah that's not fair why not Junior I thought your fort was already the best well mine mine mine is the best it's just just yours is bigger than mine yeah I have two floors in a swimming pool a swimming pool D you don't have a swimming pool you want to come in and find out no I would never want to go inside your stupid ugly big dumb Fort mine might not have a swimming cool but mine has Pizzazz well yeah you enjoy your Pizzazz Junior I'll be sipping my juice box juice boxes too juice boxes don't make your fork cooler see you have to have other stuff to make it cool mine's just cool the way it is and what's with that stupid flag that's a dumb flag oh that's just the official flag of Fort huny yeah it's a picture Ken took of me earlier what dude dude that's a drawing no it's not Joseph it's a photograph that's a drawing Cody your flag is stupid your fort is stupid you're stupid and my fort is the best right Joseph um I don't know his is two St mine is the best right well he has a pool when I ask you a question you say yes is my fort the bestest fort ever yes Junior see he said Yes mine is better sure whatever you say junior so let's go Joseph we're leaving come on Joseph you know you want to come in yeah you do have juice box Joseph come on but he has juice boxes I don't care if he has juice boxes he's stupid and his for is dumb come on we're leaving okay us okay Joseph let's go inside the fort the cool fort for okay dude wait what dude that is awesome his light bill is going to be atrocious you're disturbing the peace breaking the law go inside the fort wait wait you sure you don't want me to scope it out dude scope it out what do you mean yeah yeah um he might be trying to knock over your fort you don't want any terroristic threats to happen yeah all that parting and loud music must be a distraction he's just trying to distract you dude he's trying to get you off course dude yeah he trying to knock over my fort because he's jealous cuz mine's cooler right yeah it's awesome yeah so I got a better idea than and scoping it out what do you have in mind what if I plant a bomb on you what and you walk inside that party and you blow up his fort but dude I I don't want to die we're playing pretend I don't have a real bomb it's made out of pillows you can just knock it down oh oh I got you I got you so you're going to go inside that party and you're going to knock down the Walls you're going to destroy that Fort oh I can totally do that dude okay you're going to do it there's 72 virgins waiting for you okay oh okay make your country proud one damn Brave Soldier oh Cody hear something Cody it's me do oh wait wait everybody hang on hang on just turn off your music yeah yeah just one minute hey Joseph what's up dude I really want to get in yeah I figured that would happen sooner or later but where's Junior oh he's still at his fort what is square I know anyway get in we're just about to bust out the piñata a pinata yeah and we got a buffet so you know just help yourself got a buffet turn away yeah I see you Cody have your stupid little party it's about to go up in Flames though come on Joseph make your fort [Music] [Applause] proud any second now any second now that fort's going to come [Music] [Applause] down did I fall asleep it's still up Joseph you're supposed to knock it down what happened Cody hang on guys I think that's the pizza man oh it's just you is Joseph here yeah he's coming down the water slide right now hey oh good form Joseph wow I want to speak to him right now well he's okay oh calm down baby no just down not in front of the guest I'll meet you in the jacuzzi in a minute okay crazy I want to speak to Joseph go get him fine I'll get him for you Hey Jo get get out of the chck with fat you crazy kid yeah Junior's here to speak to you oh why I don't know it's something all right dude make it quick I'm trying to get back in there you know trying to get back in there yeah you were supposed to knock it down oh I came so close to doing it like so close but then Cody actually brought out a pinata for the chocolate cake nobody says no to that a pinata full of chocolate cake yeah it was right by the big screen next to the swimming pool in a Jacuzzi right by the slide you know so so you're not going to knock it down oh I might not knock it down but the music might hey Joseph might want to get back in here smash M about to come on Smash I got go back traitor my own friend betrayed me for chocolate cake and Smashmouth I'm going get back at him I'm going to get back at him I'm going to knock it down I'm going to knock down their for it with the last thing I [Music] do say byebye to your fort [Music] Cody Cody are you still alive where are you this is an act of jealousy of cowards wait who could have done this why somebody flew a drone into our Fort Joseph wait wait it took for the ground though you're right it could have been an inside job how's the fort losers Junior you flew a drone into our Fort it was Junior but I I didn't do that why would I do that Junior you were jealous but no no my fort's super cool I wouldn't tear down y'all's fort with a drone Junior you know what you did no I I didn't do it but uh I'm going to take a juice box for the road good luck with your stupid for I want that Joseph you know what this means we have to get revenge oh yeah we do have to get revenge dude we can't let him get away with that oh hey guys can you clean up all this debris it's making my fort look bad the property value is going [Music] down Joseph yeah d hunky boy are you sure dude drop it [Music] okay do you give up Junior cuz we also have fat hunky man huh oh oh it's the name of the nuclear bombs from World War II give up yeah give up yeah no I'm never going to give up never never never never tell you what the hell is going on in here look at this mess we were going to clean it up chfp you right guys uh no we're not bye junior you going to pick up this whole damn living room I'll clean it up but we were about to do Pearl Harbor I don't care look like Po all har already happened I'll clean it up Chef clean it up right now I will okay so guys what do you want to do today E I made this plane at of Legos wo that's so cool dude you let the right brother that's so awesome can we fly it well it's not going to fly Junior it's made of Legos but it's a plane it can fly well no Junior it's made of Legos it's too heavy to fly Legos are too heavy to fly real planes are made out of metal they they can fly yeah but those planes have engines this doesn't have engines it has two engines look in the back there are two engines Junior the engines are made of Legos it's not going to fly but it's a plane it can fly it even has a pilot he's not alive but he's in a seat look he probably went to a lot of years of Flight School junior it's all Legos it's just toys it's not going to really fly Cody it's a plane it can fly has wings does stupid what Junior it's it's just made of Legos it's not going to work let's go in the kitchen and see if it can fly come on it's not going to work all right Cody are you ready to see your plane fly it's not really going to fly it has wings Joseph has wings he can fly mm with these Wings don't really work you built it and you don't even know what it can do all right watch it fly look Cody it's flying Junior your mac and cheese is ready oh man I love my new Red [Music] Jacket not my new red jacket [Applause] it's inexperienced pilot but I told you Cody you could fly Junior you just threw it in the air anything will fly for a few seconds if you throw it up in the air Junior I can't believe you just got a stain on my new red jacket you can throw it in the washing machine Chef peee just calm down oh I swear to God this thing better come out Junior what's wrong with you Cody you e Cody you just sneezed all over my bib e dude that's gross Chef can you wash my bib too oh stupid Junior this thing better come out of my jacket hey shfp can you wash my bib too oh sure Junior thanks all right guys what do you want to do now whoa Junior looking good NY NY eggs and bakey e Cody don't look at me I don't want to talk about it I want to talk about it Cody why can't you cover your nose when you sneezed junor my arms aren't long enough to reach my nose loser I can watch I guess I can't either you guys are losers watch this I guess I can't either yeah we can't reach our nose I guess we have to wait for my bib to dry hope it doesn't dry too soon oh man goodness new thank God that stain came out this jacket cost me $50 wait is this Junior's bib oh my God it's pink how girly that's what he deserves is it hot in here junior or is it just you dude stop being weird I can't wait for my bib to be clean Junior your bib's clean it's pink pink like a girl yeah we should start calling you Julia yeah Julia your bib Julia Chef baby why is my bib pink maybe God thinks you should be a girl well I don't want to be a girl well I think it might be because you washed your white bib with Chef pee's red jacket so it turned pink well I don't want to be pink Chef peip fix it I'm not going to fix it I don't have to well if you don't fix it you know what I'm going to do what I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to tell my dad daddy wow it's real mature J how old are you now did Dad what do you want junior chefi he stained my biig pink and now everyone's calling me a girl a girl my son's not a girl my son's a man a big strong man yeah the tell shap for me to give me a new bib oh I'll go and tell him sh B what Bowser my son's a man he's not going to be caught wearing a c pink beer you tell him dad well it's not my fault I washed my jacket and I guess it stained his b well he's a man he's not going to wear that so you better buy him another one I'm not buying him another one dad make him buy another one oh don't worry about it my precious precious princess he's going to buy you another one yeah Chef go get your laptop and buy me another one what why do I have to buy you another one cuz I'm a big boy I'm the biggest man in the world yeah clearly all right Junior how much is this stupid bid $5 $10 more like $800 $800 wait why it's Gucci wait you don't wear Gucci yeah I do my dad got me a Gucci bab when I was was born cuz he wanted me to be fly Junior you're not even worth $800 yeah Junior $800 for a bib is ridiculous Che has to buy me a new bib just like my old one and that's my old bib right there so buy it Chef peee Junior I can't afford a $800 BB doesn't my dad pay you yeah but not $800 I'll probably make that in 10 years well you better get a new job and buy me a new bib well where am I supposed to work um aren't you a chef can't you get a job at a restaurant yeah what restaurants are hiring right now look let's turn on the commercial Channel where commercials are always going on and you can see if there's a restaurant hiring M doesn't that just look delicious we have the meats nope nope that's Ares uh hi I'm Brooklyn guy founder and CEO of burger Queen if you're anything like me you need food to survive and that's what this is food so if you're looking to survive and you need something to eat come on down and get yourself something at Burger Queen also we're hiring so if you're looking for work and you can keep a secret come on down and apply oh sh baby look Burger Queen Burger Queen mean what kind of offbrand restaurant is that well they need some employees so go get hired Junior I'm not working there well Chevy if you don't buy me a new bib I guess I'm just have to tell my dad daddy okay okay okay God go there all right welcome to Burger Queen you have any questions before we get started yes how is this different from Burger King that is a great question see I came up with the original idea for Burger King back in college but then my roommate overheard me talking about it he trademarked it before I could so I had to make Burger Queen well what kind of food do you sell well it is a very complicated and secret recipe so make sure you don't tell anyone all right here's what we do we get in a car and we go to a Burger King then we buy up all of their food and then we bring it back here and we tape the burger Queen logo onto the wrapper and sell it for a dollar more wait isn't that illegal oh yeah just make sure you tape the burger Queen logo on real good so it doesn't come off so we don't get sued I've already gotten two ceas and desist letters so we cannot get caught again well what's my job your job is going to be to take these scissors and cut out the burger Queen logo and tape it onto these wappers but make sure you don't call them Whoppers these are called called whippers why would anybody choose Burger Queen over Burger King that's probably because of a slogan which is why eat with a king when you can go down on a queen what wait don't don't we serve burgers yeah it tastes the same oh oh there's somebody at the drive-thru window okay I'll stay here and cut out logos you go take their order okay hey welcome to Burger Queen how may I take your order I don't have a car can I still order here I mean you're here might as well order oh well how is this different from Burger King the name oh what what kind of food do you have we have everything Burger King has just a dollar more really that's a ripoff I know right that's so evil that's too evil for me I'm just going to go to Burger King instead well smart men goodbye okay I'm done o what do you order I hope it was a waer cuz they're getting cold he didn't order anything I told him it was a dollar more than Burger King so he's going to Burger King why would you tell him that what did I go wrong you're not supposed to tell him was stealing food from Burger King it's like you don't even know how copyright infringement works I didn't tell him we were stealing food good and don't tell them the price either okay we have somebody else at the drive-through window just tell them we have two for four of what I don't know just sell something okay welcome to Burger King thank it Ian I mean welcome to Burger Queen how many I take your order uh this a drive-thru cuz I flew so it's kind of like a fly through cuz my Cape is kind of like a car what do you want Oh wait what is this place Burger Queen oh I'm sorry I thought this was Burger King no no it's basically Burger King look order whatever you would order there and we have here look we have a two for four two for four what I don't know okay well I guess I'll just take two offers then okay uh two whippers coming up what okay I need two whippers two what oh Whoppers Whoppers right sorry I forgot the silly things we do here yeah I get three of them ready okay and I told him two for four two for four yes for four what $4 no no no no no no we we can't do that I got these two for five at Burger King I can't lose a dollar tell them the 2 for six the price went up but you told me 2 for four well just tell them tell him it's it's it's inflation it's stock stock market in NASDAQ he he he won't understand just tell him okay look I'm so sorry sir but I have to change the price it's 2 for 6 but you said it was 2 for 4 I know inflation and stock market and the new Xbox is coming out is knocking up the price oh yeah I guess that makes sense all right that's fine oh okay thank you sir okay he said okay he said okay yes what a chump you know what I'm going to give him three but no cuz then I'd still lose money okay how about this how about we tell him three for 10 no no no 3 for 20 let's see how much we can milk this guy for oh okay then okay sir the new price is 3 for 20 but 3 for 20 I don't even want three yeah but the new PlayStation is coming out too and the stock market is depending on that the pre-orders already sold out you know okay fine whatever yeah I'll take it yeah okay okay okay dude he accepted it he did yes what an idiot I know right oh should we try to get more oh yes let's drain his bank account get get his credit card and I'll write the numbers down what about his social security number take it yeah do it oh High School mascot o his first pet's name yeah yeah get that too okay okay okay sir I got a brand new offer for you I just want my Burgers what if I told you instead of six Burgers you could get three I thought I was already getting three but you can get three burgers for a penny well how's that possible all I need is your credit card your date of birth your social security number and your pet's name and your high school mascot huh this seems kind of fishy nah okay that nah was good enough for me here you go oo Platinum oh I got it I got it we can buy whatever we want Chef peee you fired wait what that was a test to see if you'd steal and you failed we may commit copyright infringement and steal from Burger King but we never steal from our customers but you told me to take his card yeah and you should have said No Stealing is wrong cuz we do not hire criminals everything you're doing here is a crime I know what the you can keep the store oh my God where's my food there's your food thirsty thirsty yeah right my weakness yeah it's everybody's weakness I wonder how shef's first day at Burger Queen went wait where's Joseph oh my God I hate the burger Queen oh shf baby did you make $800 to buy me a new bib oh God no I got fired I think and then he gave me the store I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with that well you can sell it make some money oh but I think it's illegal there's someone at the door wait wait who's that I don't know I guess I'll get it hello hey there it's me again uh listen I realized it was pretty irresponsive me to just leave you there with the store like that yeah yeah cuz you could tell the cops what I was doing M so I figured I'd let you buy one thing with the stolen credit card if you promis to never tell Burger King what I was doing wait wait really are you serious yeah just one thing though then I need the card back cuz I got to buy some stuff too okay wow Chef peipi thank you for the new Gucci bib yeah whatever but you better not get this one dirty okay I won't all right I'm going to give this card back to the Burger Queen guy okay here's your card back shift peee you're under arrest wait what that was also a test to see if you'd steal you were supposed to say No Stealing is wrong but you gave me the card well if I gave you the keys to a car that was going to explode would you still get in it no exactly because stealing is wrong now give me the card back here you go sucker what Cody check out my new Gucci bib I like you better with it off oh man oh what's up guys I was in the bathroom talk about a stomach a PE you so guys what do you want to do now well I did make a another Lego airplane wao can we fly it Junior this one's not going to fly either well the first one flew no it didn't yeah it did it flew and it landed on the macaroni and cheese Runway Junior Let's Go Fly it all right Cody you ready to see it Fly it's not going to fly Junior you're just going to break it Junior it took me a week to build oh man I can't wait for my friends to come over but until they come over I'm just going to watch some doofy the dragon all righty kids it's time for doy the [Applause] dragon oh oh hey kids you're you're probably wondering why I have my backs packed well here's a catchy little jingle to explain why I didn't pay my bills I didn't pay my bills I'm getting evicted cuz I didn't pay my bills my wife is leaving me my wife is leaving me I'm going to kill myself cuz my wife is leaving me remember kids women will leave you if you lose [Music] everything oh my God that's so funny doofy who's at the door it must be my friends yay that's going to be my friends hello Cody Joseph it's you it's you it's you yo what's up Junior how youall ready to have the best day ever totally come on inside come on okay all right guys I have something amazing planned for us today oh cool what is it we're going to play house again awesome another one of these episodes Junior yeah it's going to be amazing so Joseph you're going to be the mommy and Sally you're going to be our stupid daughter okay so let's go yes oh my God mashed potatoes from KFC oh my God I am so hungry Chef B Chef B you want to play with me no well what about what about no well how about what no I love you [Music] oh I hate Wasing these dishes they're always staring at me uh honey I'm I'm going to work so I'll see you after work okay okay but oh wait wait wait honey what um what do you have planned afterward um I I don't know i' probably just come home and watch TV you're not doing anything special after the work uh no just I'm I'm just coming home today is not special to you uh no it's Friday it's just Friday there's nothing there's nothing special about today you don't know or remember what today is it's January 23rd what are you talking about woman there's nothing special it's just a random Friday it's our anniversary what do you mean it's a random Friday it's a freaking anniversary I can't believe you forgot Julia you forgot and I I I bought you Play-Doh for our anniversary cuz I thought maybe maybe he needs to SP some time in the garage he's been stressing about work lately but no you're not getting Playdoh you don't deserve it cuz you can't remember anything but baby baby I mean um I didn't forget I I didn't forget uh I never forget I oh you liar I'm not lying I'm not lying oh my God I just want to I can't believe you Junior no no no baby baby I got you something I got you something you did yeah I got you yeah I got you my promise hold let let me get it let me get it oh you better not be lying oh my God hey baby baby baby baby turn around and you'll see what I got you what onion what am I going to do with an onion keep crying you stupid I want to divorce I can't believe I'm married a horrible husband all right Sally I'm going to work so do good in school and don't pass out in the hallway again Dad what what are you and Mom fighting about this time well today is our anniversary and she forgot how dare you Junior you're going to sit and lie in front of our daughter you're going to try to make me the bad guy you're the one that forgot I didn't forget I just I just uh I have to go pick up your present at the store after work I don't want any present from the store after work cuz you forgot in the first place I did not forget you don't want anything that I can get you no I don't want anything you can get me I don't even want my daughter I never wanted her in the first placee I didn't want her either so you know what I'm going to work m'am do you still love me I'm not [Music] [Music] sure what toad you're supposed to be a car salesman oh that's why I have all these cars behind me yeah that's why I'm so stupid I forgot my bad toad I know this is your first time playing house but but get it right oh okay I got you this time I won't mess up do it again all right all right let me clear my voice all right I'm ready oh hi mister oh hi sir how you doing oh I'm pretty good welcome to to those wacky cars wacky wacky wack wacky oh wow you have an amazing inventory of cars yep nothing but the wacky is wacky yeah they sure are wacky so uh what can you sell me today oh tell me what your issue is Sir well I'm mean me and my wife kind of gotten a bit of a pickle oh man I get into pickles all the time especially when I'm hungry yeah um well anyway uh today's our anniversary and I forgot oh man how did you f it that's a oh you you have messed up Sir yeah have M up you only forget things you don't want to remember I got you on that one so uh yeah so what kind of car can you sell for my wife with the big mouth oh well I got something perfect for you what is it oh I got this monster truck right here oh it's nothing but the best it's not much of a monster it's kind of small but you get to play with it well you know as much as I would love that monster truck right yeah my wife wouldn't like it that much you know oh I understand I she's more of a clashy lady you oh oh I I get you one of those oh take me out to Sushi I want a Mercedes Benz yep she's those type of chicks I bet yeah yeah the type of things where I'll get her a nice car then in two weeks she'll forget about it and oh man I hate women like that yeah well anyway I need something classy so what you got that's classy um oh we have a tow truck say you get a fetish one day right and you want your wife to get like 600 lbs and you want her you want to lift her up right and just want her to smother you just sit on your face what a fetish I know I'm not the only one right who else has this fetish I'm not the only one right right I I I I don't I don't think please tell me I'm not uh I I don't think I don't think I I want a tow truck that's that's a little bit too much for my wife oh I want a car like that red one right there look at that red one yeah it is sporty but Mickey Mouse is already in that one a stupid Mickey Mouse oh I know right how you be beat you to the punch I don't even think you PID me well what's that horse over there oh man She's a Beauty oh she's a sexy one thing she she's she has a white coat and she's a Mustang boy right there but she only gets one mile to the gallon oh well anyway I don't like Mustangs so I don't think wait a second wait wait what is that what's that beautiful car right there oh man you don't know about luxury until you rode in one of these babies right here this is the All Purpose Barbie car she sexy look at those sexy rims on the side of it that's gorgeous I know it's gorgeous and it's convertible it is convertible you just drop the top and your wife will forget about all the problems she'll just forget about the like maybe chick that you're probably cheating on her with that's perfect now how much does this cost oh man it's going to cost you an arm and a leg and a dollar a dollar yep a dollar well I think it's my lucky day yeah I hope so I have a dollar wo you have a dollar yes is it mine yes all your sir oh thank God my wife is never going to yell at me again until 3 weeks from now dollar Junior what what is this uh it's your brand new car happy anniversary honey oh my God oh my God oh my God it's perfect how could you afford this with your lowincome job well you know I had to sell my wedding ring but it was worth it oh my God you know we get you a new car this is perfect it's all pink and sparkly oh man can I test drive it yeah drive it as much as you want just just don't come home because I don't want to see your face but but just take for oh I love you Julia love you to no I don't thank [Music] god oh man ladies calm down there's enough of me for the both of you jeez oh my God Julia I love the car what is going on J are you tiing on me it's not what you think uh these These are women from the office what women from the office yeah yeah these are interns this is chassity and and Karen what are they doing around you what they're try trying to work their way up jeez by wrapping their legs around you well if you want a promotion too you might as well start doing it you son of a [ __ ] Dar it can we're in big this time Sally pick up all your clothes we're going to my mother's house why Mom oh because your dad is a cheating bastard I'm not cheating your your mother just saying lies about me no no no he was cheating what do you call it then if it wasn't cheating well I call it trying new things those women were nice ladies whatever they were wrapped around you trying to give you something that I was supposed to give you what love and affection and not run their mouth all damn day yes exactly that well you know what I don't I want to see your face anymore just get out of my house I pay the bill just get out you know what I don't even want to live here no more you don't even do anything you don't treat me dad wa I have something I need to tell you what is it what well see this this stick says I'm pregnant wait wait what what's that mean um what pregnant um I think it's like um she I think she's having a baby dude what that's gross I know right weird how am I supposed to be disappointed um yeah if I was a father in my child was yeah yeah I would be disappointed Cody I me I mean Sally tell us again okay and Mom Dad what yeah what um I I am pregnant are you kidding me are you serious that's the last thing this family needed you to get pregnant you be going around opening your life for everybody oh my God who's the father I'm a horrible parent I think the father is a Ken maybe you think it's Ken you think it's Ken who can it be what well there's you know well um oh no it's it's K it's probably Ken yes well well Ken what do you have to say for yourself huh yeah speak [Music] up and you think that plan is going to work you can't support our daughter you're a failure you're both failures and we are too we should have told our daughter we're horrible par we're horrible Sally what are you going to do about huh yeah Sally are you going to keep your baby maybe no lay on your back lay your back okay die die baby no kill the baby the door who's dang it it's like Cody's parents having fun your parents always ruin it Cody I bet it's Cody's Mom hello hello it's raining may I come inside well I would let you inside my house but I'm not allowed to let skanks inside my house so no oh well thank you anyway Cody Big Fat Mom's here you're a good one Junior okay well I'll see you tomorrow Cody I had fun today junior know you dead Cody Kens yeah we had a lot of fun Cody got pregnant and I was trying to kill the baby what yeah it was crazy yeah it was really cool so anyway bye Cody we'll kill the baby next time Cody Mommy needs to clean your tshi ma e we had to clean this tshi that's gross I know right anyway Joseph um so do you want me to strangle you a couple more times or what do you want to do uh try to punch me oh man good being the man of the house oh oh man my back is killing me I'm getting too old for this let me relax oh man that feels so much better Charlie and fr is coming on I need to turn the TV on um hey Dad what Junior your voice is so annoying I hate it oh well I'm really really bored and I was wondering if I can invite some friends over to play why do you need friends don't you have Chef Pee he's in the kitchen go and play with him but shipi doesn't really like playing with me he doesn't like playing toys and I really want to invite some friends over yeah he is kind of weird I guess you can invite one friend over one friend only one friend H I'm going to invite Joseph okay Joseph oh you're inviting Joseph um yeah Joseph is friend from school you've met him before well if you're inviting Joseph you have to invite Cody too what why do I have to invite Cody Joseph doesn't like him and and Cody's kind of weird his his problem hey he's not not weird he's just a special individual and he needs special friends to give him that special attention and his mom keeps blowing up my phone and everybody in the neighborhood just to tell us and let us know he needs to be in The In Crowd Oh well I guess I'll invite Cody too um thanks Dad I'm going invite Joseph and Cody yeah hurry up and leave my room this is the good part Cheetos you look so crunchy and oh cheesy oh if I could marry you I would this stupid government though how about I just sing to you you're so cheesy and beautiful what Junior don't creep up on me like that were you singing your voice is beautiful um well thank you but um what do you want well um a few of my friends are coming over to play and I was wondering if you can make some snacks for us to eat I don't want to make any snacks I'm trying to eat my snack but but I just really really want some snacks so my friends don't think I'm cool I I want like a bunch of snacks like like sugary delicious yum yum snacks well it sounds like it's time for you to grow up and make your own snacks well um I I can't make anything please Chey will you make some snacks please dude I'm busy making out with my Cheetos can I just please have some aone time to myself but I want snacks I want delicious snacks so my friends will think I'm so cool and then they can be like hey look Junior has the best snacks ever what what would you want me to make then um so you could be so so cool I don't know just just have some snacks but they have to be healthy cuz Cody's coming over and he has medical problems why did you even invite this creeper because my dad made me invite him just just please make some snacks please I guess I can see what I can do all right thanks jeffp whatever oh no someone help me oh no um this woman just fell on the train track and a train is coming what are we going to do help me help me oh no the train is coming too late die die die to die oh no the the train ran her over and killed her she's dead oh someone's at the door oh it might be Joseph oh man I can't wait to see Joseph Joseph Cody I brought my candle I don't want to see Cody does this mean I should go home I have to let him in sorry Cody I thought I saw a bug come inside okay Joseph is going to be in a few minutes uh all right all right Cody so uh put Ken on the couch or something um or right there uh so I was playing trains before you came so you want to play trained yeah I want to be the blue one um um no I you're new to this so I I won't yell at you but um I'm always Thomas I'm always the blue one uh you can be uh the ugly red no that's for Joseph um you can be the green one I don't want to be the green one I want to be the blue one blue is a primary color Green's only a secondary color I'm allergic to secondary colors what you you can't be allergic to Colors yes I can that's why I only wear blue and that's why Ken wears blue yeah um um well uh okay so so you're allergic to secondary colors um um so and green is a secondary color Yes uh uh is is red a secondary color no it's a primary color oh are you allergic to primary colors no of course not okay um well can you be the red one then sure okay okay so you're the red one okay cuz I I'm always Thomas okay so so you play with the the the ugly red one and I'm going to play with Thomas okay okay okay ch um um Cody the train goes Choo Cho oh uh okay okay CH oh no the door oh that must be Joseph just wait right here don't leave me oh this has to be Joseph Joseph it's me yay yeah I brought the basketball so we can have some one-on-one time oh well we can't play oneon-one Cody's here well how is Cody here we're not going to have fun he's weird my dad made me invite him sh just come on please come inside don't leave me alone with him please just so already anyways all right Cody Joseph's here so we're going to stop playing trains okay no I was having fun well we'll play a different game that's fun um so Joseph what do you want to play how about Mortal Kombat oh um H that's only two players and we got to havee something that's three players Street Fighter um that's that's still two players it has to be three players Joseph how about Connect Four then that's still only two players we need something that's three players H I'm going think um H Checkers Checkers no I don't like Checkers that's two players oh well what is three players um I don't know you tell me you don't want to invite a Cody over here my dad made me invite him um uh can you think of something that's uh that's a two players Cody minol I'm not good with money like every time I se a gumball machine I just got to have a piece of Gumball oh well how about we play house that's a good idea we could probably do that house I love that show it's not the show you idiot yeah not the show House Cody it's it's a game called house look we all pretend to be a big family like I'll be the daddy Joseph will be the mommy and you'll be the the son or the daughter oh I've always wanted a daughter yeah you'll be the daughter and we'll be a big happy family I've always wanted a family I bet you did we need a dog oh I'll see if Shey B will be the dog that'll be Soo awesome yeah hurry up okay I got all the snacks for junior it should be enough hey Chef peee yeah are you ready for your snacks they're all here um I'm not in the mood for snacks um we're playing house and we want to know if you want to be the dog really just the dog I I couldn't be president or maybe a real estate agent or a banker someone successful no um you look like a dog I want you to be the dog ha say wo I'm not wolfing for you Junior but come on shfp we're playing house and we need to complete our family with a dog please be a dog please please please pleas I have more dignity than that why don't you get your father to be a dog he looks more like a dog than me I'm a human my dad um he looks more like a like like a like a parrot um so I I want you to be a dog please all you have to do is bark a few times roll over and eat your own poop I'm not eating my poop what the hell is wrong with you Junior why would I go and eat poop cuz you're a dog I'm not a dog I'm a freaking Chef that's why I got snacks and a freaking juice for you you weirdo okay how about if I could have deal with you what if um you be the mailman mailman is kind of a promising career just for a few just for a few minutes I guess so yeah come on be the mailman do this all right guys Chef peee has agreed to be the dog wait what I'm not being a damn dog you told make a be the mailman he's a liar I'm not eating Boop all right guys um I promise you he agreed to be the dog he's a liar no I didn't you know what I'm just going to leave I can't do this just just just bark one time just one I'm not barking I'm not a freaking dog okay just one little wolf and you'll be done okay just one little woof I'm not wolfing one wolf please yay he did it all right guys are y'all ready to be one big happy family yeah yeah I guess so all right let's go let's get started [Music] okay oh good morning honey what what Junior that's weird I'm not your honey dude we're playing pretend you're my wife I'm your husband I'm supposed to call you honey and baby and stuff it's all pretend do it again okay redo redo oh good morning honey oh hey baby how did you sleep last night oh I slept great did you sleep good H yeah I SLE okay oh well hey can you check and make sure my my tie is on right I got I got to impress the boss I want to get that raise oh you look spiffy oh you look like a million dollars oh thank you I just hope that secretary lady isn't there today what's that supposed to mean oh oh nothing nothing my my secretary if you have something against Sandra you can tell me look I just think you spend a little too much time at work you overwork yourself I work hard for this family okay I got to make a lot of money so so I can pay for Sally school and I can pay for all your expensive clothes and women's stuff sure just blaming all my women's stuff I just think you spend too much time at work and I think you think she's pretty Sandra she's a nice lady I I don't think she's pretty the only girl that I think is pretty as you you're just jealous and and I I and I think I I think I need to go go to work early today I'm not jealous and you're not going to work early well well then where's my breakfast what did you make for breakfast this morning um I didn't make breakfast yet I was watching dishes but it's coming up you don't have breakfast ready and I just woke up I got to be working like 15 minutes or my box is going to be on my ass and stuff and and you don't even breakfast ready well if you were to give me money to buy the groceries for breakfast we would have breakfast ready oh your life is so hard oh you have to wait for my paycheck so you can go buy your food and you can make your breakfast and sit on your ass all day and watch TV well the house is you get clean by itself oh the house all right takes a good old 5 minutes to clean the house and I going to be at work all day and press the boss and if I don't do it then he's going to fire me you don't even know my life he just want me to save around here all damn day I can't do it I to watch sh I don't want to do this [ __ ] I didn't ask for this you got me pregnant oh okay well you know record lifetime all day and watch your stupid sitcs well I have to be at work you know what I'm I don't have time for this let's a good netw workk wait you know I'm just going to go say bye to Sally okay you do that hungry all right Sally I got to go to work Sally I thought my name was Miranda no it's Sally we agreed on Sally you're my daughter Sally come on do it again look at the plate all right Sally I got to go to work so I just do good in school and all that stuff wait when's breakfast breakfast I don't know I was asking the same thing whenever your mom gets off her fat butt and makes breakfast hey don't bring my wa into this this well you have gained a few pounds since the honeymoon well you know what at least I don't have a beard belly what I drink because of you whatever you've been drinking ever since College never don't don't listen to your mother she's a liar he's an alcoholic we are a [ __ ] you're you're sleeping with a [ __ ] she's a nice lady her name is Sandra she's my she's my secretary at work don't listen to your mother just just do good in school and and just I'm going to work Mom why do you and dad fight so much I don't know but it's [Music] hot door closes all right family I'm home from work oh hi honey I got dinner ready oh really that's surprising you actually got off your fat ass and did something plastic pizza again for the second night in a row sh stop arguing we have a guest oh who is this Sally brought her boyfriend over today oh oh did you Sally what's his name his name is Ken he's a doctor oh a doctor oh yeah my my little Sally got her a catch um uh tell me about yourself [Music] Ken whoa a doctor from Harvard I'm a Yale man myself I went to Yale University don't even lie you went to Community College he doesn't know that you're lying and embarrassing me you got a trade you're welding shut up I'm sorry Ken it's not usually like this Sally it's okay everything's okay you don't have to explain anything to Ken I'm just sick of your father and all this yell he comes home every day mad at the world and I didn't even do anything I have to work all day and you don't understand what it's like to come home after a long 8 hour day at work and then I have to deal with this I have to deal with plastic Pizza it's all old and cold and and I to De with your mother that oh my God you're just annoying my mother is awesome and this plastic Pizza this is what you gave me you gave me $20 to get dinner it's not my fault well I love that you got a salad at least you're trying to work on your figure cuz you're a cow I'm not that cow you I'm mad I work out on a regular don't make a mess dad you're scar me just go to your room and take Ken with you cuz I got to settle this right now okay look I I I'm sick and tired of you embarrassing me in front of my my own daughter okay and now her boyfriend it's not my fault you're embarrassment yourself you do this on the regular you you just might as well drink yourself into a coma I do that every night you're sleeping on the couch I don't [Music] care good night Sally good night Sally I'm sorry me and your mom argue tonight it's just you know sometimes we just argue it's just this is what families do I'm sorry too you promise not to fight anymore I promise we won't fight anymore yeah and it's not that we don't love you it's just sometimes we wish you weren't born but I still love you I love you more whatever good good night I'm going go to sleep good night can you read me a bedtime story damn it um sure uh What story do you want to hear Sally um Three Little Pigs oh The Three Little Pigs okay um hm how does that go again okay I I I got it okay so once upon a time there were three little pigs one was called your mother the other one was called your mother and the other one was called your mother they're all your pigs your mom's a big pig okay and her mom kicked her out of the house one day and she had to find a place to live so she built a house out of straws cuz she's a dumbass and and this big wolf that was really hungry you know he comes and he he blew down his house and and and your mother had to find another house so she went and made a house out of sticks another stupid idea so then uh the wolf blew down the sticks and your mother was like oh no maybe I should sleep with him cuz because his name is Tommy and he goes to the Community College and he's better than your dad and he has a better future but then she know she know she left and she went and moved into a brick house with me because you know I'm a good father and I have a good job and I can afford a brick house unlike Tommy could so um so now we live in a brick house and the Wolf tries to blow it down tries to blow it down blow it down blow it down and he can't blow it down because you can't blow down a brick house unless you're like a category 5 hurricane but um so that's really what happened the wolf you know starved to death and U now I'm married to your mother and she won't stop arguing and I love you more the end thank you all right so um just have a good night no Ken he didn't even know you were here the whole time oh come in uh uh hey honey um do I really have to sleep on the couch today no you can lay down we should make up yeah I was thinking the same thing too um I'm sorry for for yelling at you today in front of in front of Sally's boyfriend yeah I'm sorry too I didn't mean the things I said I just you know work is stressful and and you know I really want that raise you know to get you know to go on that cruise yeah I hope you get it too yeah I'm not sure about that Ken guy though he rubbed me the wrong way with that silence yeah he was too quiet I don't think he's a doctor a doctor my ass yeah H well you know I'll give Sally a chance with him you know all her her past boyfriends were weird I just I just think he just wants her for sex you remember that biker guy he was just hor yeah that was that was bad always wearing chains and gorgees you gouges whatever they call it these days yeah yo but for real Joe how are we going to make up I think we need a kiss I think you're getting a little too extreme Junior Joseph no we need to kiss that's how families make up cuz I don't know how to make up other than a kiss we need to do one quick kiss it's kind of weird Junior I I know but we're playing family and we're doing really good so far just pretend just one quick little kiss okay just one qu one one one quick kiss and that's it okay okay okay okay on the count of three okay one two three all right all right all right good night good night I'm going to [Music] bed uh good morning honey oh good morning honey again uh baby have you seen my blue Thomas the Tank Engine train um no I'm sorry I haven't seen any train are you sure yeah I'm I'm sure I'm positive because I could have swore I left the Train on the tracks last night and it's not over there look Junior I haven't seen any train okay just just cut it out well I know you get really annoyed when I play with it so it'd be ashamed if you were hiding it look Junior I'm not hiding anything I'm just washing dishes just get ready for breakfast and chill yeah I believe you I believe you or do I there it is you're hiding it look Junior I'm tired of you in this train you spent too much time with it and you don't even touch me anymore you barely even touched me last night who would touch you you're disgusting Tommy would that's Who Tommy that's what you get you make me lay hands on you I'm taking my Thomas train and I'm going to work bye Sally I'm going to work I thought you and Mom said you weren't going to fight anymore well we weren't going to fight anymore but your mother keeps bringing up the past dad is it okay if Ken picks me up in his motorcycle today Ken I don't want you seeing Ken anymore but but we're in love y'all are not in love it's puppy love you just met the guy yeah but I love him more than you love Mom we don't even fight Ken doesn't even talk you have no room to talk you know what you deser speaking get on your back no it's a spanking it's supposed to hurt oh oh oh okay oh no spings you learn your lesson yet that hurts a lot little ungrateful think you deserve everything you're not saying kid anymore I beat you cuz I'm insecure about myself are you guys done or do you need five more minutes for being weird look it's it's the dog did you forget to take the dog out again he's not my responsibility it is your responsibility I'm not a damn dog okay and Cody's mom called it's 6:00 it's time for him to come home it's past bedtime or something Cody you got to go home yeah I was having so much fun we were playing house oh it looks very thrilling it was really fun I was about to beat his ass I seen that you were having a blast yeah well I same time tomorrow Cody yes of course this what's fun I got spanked and everything this is really fun oh bye Cody bye J and Joseph don't talk to your mother I'm sorry I was still in character shfp you want to play with us no I'll pass on that I'll go and probably cook myself to death while you guys have a little weird fetsh thing going on all right Joseph Joseph Joseph Cody had to go home oh um well today was epic dude I really enjoyed it man I mean I I actually cried I I I believe we were real actors I know I thought we were really married like I I acted like real dad and you acted like a real mom right we were a real family dude that was so fun uh you want to like continue you want to strangle me a little more or something no um I think I should wait for Sally to witness it I want her I want her to be traumatized and do the same thing to her kids oh yeah that'd be awesome yeah yeah so so we'll do it tomorrow it'll be good okay um so same time tomorrow yeah same time tomorrow oh if my dad lets me I got to ask him but I'm pretty sure he will okay um well I'll see you tomorrow Junior all right bye Joseph don't forget your basketball oh I can't forget that bye run Dy on my Stompy W Jeffy stop it you're being annoying Jeffy stop you don't go play outside I can play outside yeah yeah you can go play outside just stay in the yard and don't talk to strangers okay Daddy I don't have time for that ra I got my dinosaur shoes on ra ra hey little boy you want some candy oh yeah I want some candy well how about you get in the back of my car we'll have some fun okay yeah get in get in real quick come on what is Jeffy doing why is he getting in that car what's going on here uh nothing sir um I'm the Uber driver Uber driver Jeffy do you know who this guy is no but he offered me candy Jeffy you get out of this car right now I don't have to just you you want the candy right yeah the car get out of the car come on get out of the car you better get out of here before I call the cops I'm sorry yes sir you get out of here sorry Jeffy why'd you get inside a stranger's car cuz he had candy I told you not to talk to strangers hold up daddy you said don't talk to strangers you never said don't talk to strangers who have candy and he had candy Jeffy it's the same thing don't talk to strangers what would you have done if he would have taken you he probably would have taken me to the candy store and bought me more candy no he wouldn't Jeffy he doesn't have the money to do that Daddy these are King SI he obviously got that cash he got that paper no Jeffy he doesn't have that paper he would have taken you to his house and chained you up oh kinky I like where this is going no Jeffy you're not supposed to talk to strangers would you have gotten into his car if he didn't have candy no so you only got in his car cuz he had candy yeah I'm glad we established that day Jeffy you're not supposed to talk to strangers even if they offer you candy if he offers you candy you're supposed to punch him in the face why would I do that he was just being nice offering me some candy and if I were to punched him in the face I never would have got the candy he wasn't trying to be nice Jeffy he was trying to take you by offering you candy when people offer you candy every time supposed to punch him in the face and grab the candy all right well what about Halloween I'm just supposed to be rocking mfers at the front door like ding dong here's your candy B no no no Jeffy on Halloween you don't punch people with candy Halloween's the only day you don't do it dang I'm so confused Jeff I'm going to sign you up for self-defense classes cuz if you knew self-defense you would know not to get inside a stranger's car and you would have hit them you would have rocked them up so you know I'm going to sign you up for self-defense classes right now oh please answer oh hello this a Jackie Chu hey Jackie Chu it's it's me Mario I was wondering if you could teach my son karate oh yeah I could teach your son karate but it going to cost you $200 hour $200 an hour that's expensive yeah but I got to put cat and dog on my family dinner table and cat and dog ain't cheap okay well is there any way you can give me like a discount you know well we got uh $200 hour $100 half hour $50 15 minute and we also have $257 and2 minute you're just cutting everything in half yeah discount what that's not a discount look look look I just really need to teach my son karate because someone almost took him today and I want to teach him self-defense so he knows how to get out of those situations oh $200 hour whatever okay I need to find a cheaper option a cheaper option all right Jeffy I found you a cheap karate instructor off of Craigs List yo what's up Young Blood gang gang what your cracker got to do to get an N word pass you heard me hey you got to get a black belt if you want that that pass oh word up no no no no there will be no passes given out Jeffy he's here to teach you karate what's your name oh my name Blackie chin I got it in the hood because I know how to play Mortal Kombat real good well how much do you know about karate oh I know a lot about Kate T I don't like it too much it messes with my stomach you know what I'm saying carrot tea yeah carrot tea you know carrot flavor tea no no no no I I hired you to teach him about karate you know fighting oh I know how to fight look look I know how to fight I've been a prison okay you got to know how to fight a enough cuz if you drop a soap you the G what oh okay but like I need you to teach him like self-defense because today someone pulled up and offered him candy and he got in their car what candy what kind of candy it it was this candy right here ew This is disgusting it's the cheap candy if it's not Snickers or Reeses I'm not getting in that car well no no he shouldn't get in the car no matter what type of candy they have what well what kind of car was it if it was a Lamborghini I'm getting in that car no it was not a Lamborghini it was a regular car well don't get into regular cars with people with regular candy okay well yeah no matter what candy they have what car they have you just don't get into a car with a stranger so that's what I want you to teach him I want you to teach him self-defense like if someone comes up to him and offers him to get in the car for candy you know how he says no you know yeah I can do that um all right I got this piece of wood from Home Depot I think he's supposed to break it or something so hit it oh man you did it oh man that was incredible all right now where my $20 at I'm not going to pay you you didn't do anything yet oh oh God okay look I'mma Be The Creep oh look little boy I got some candy and I want to take a your butt now what is your response oh okay I'll take your candy and you can get the tickling no this is cheap candy I'm not tickling your butt well don't let anyone do that for any type of K look you know we're done here you know what here you know what here's $20 you can leave oo $20 all right hey hey apple bees how come okay Jeffy do not listen to anything he said that that was that was a waste of time and a waste of $20 look Jeffy I just want you to learn self-defense well I already know how to fight Daddy what but then why'd you get in the car well we I want in the candy Jeffy Jeffy so that's what I want you to learn you know what you're not going to learn anything let's just go put you in bed and you're not allowed to go outside anymore come on all right Jeffy you're going to go to bed and you're not allowed to go outside anymore but what about going to school what do you mean I have to go outside to go to school okay you can go outside to go to school that's the only time you go outside and what about to check the mail you don't need to check the mail I'll check the mail but what if I got a package I'll let you know if you have a package when I check the mail well can I go outside to chase the Easter Bunny no what about Santa Claus what about him uh he's outside he's outside when he's on the chimney but then he comes inside so you can see him when he comes inside well Daddy what happens if I need fresh air then open a window oh but that's outside no you stay inside the house and open the window and just stay inside well can I stick my fingers out the window no why they're just fingers okay fine you can stick your fingers outside all right what about my hand yes your hand and my arm you can stick your arm out the window and my head shoulders knees and toes how about just All of Me no you can't go outside Jeffy oh D I want to go outside you're not going outside no Jeffy you're going to so don't his at me stop it Jeffy you stay in bed you're not allowed to go outside okay I guess who's back I want to give him some more candy I wonder what room's in oh I bet it's that one right there how do I get his attention who yeah boy little boy you're showing out shy for you who's there hey little boy it's me remember the guy that gave you candy oh yeah thanks hey I got some more don't you want some just come outside I can't come out sh I'm not allowed to only my fingers aw that's no fun well you can throw me the candy no why not because you have to come outside but what if you try and tickle my butt how did you know I I mean um I wouldn't tickle your butt I just want to give you candy well I can meet you at the front door okay let's go to the front door oh I'll be there in a minute I can't believe Jeffy got inside a stranger's car and I tried to teach him selfdefense oh there's no use for him I can't wait to get this little boy some candy and chck butt what that's for my front door I'm calling the cops all right I'm here okay then just open the door little boy all right but I can't come outside that's okay just open the door okay I got you now you ready for me to tickle your butt there be no butt tickling today sir I will mess you up oh my reaction skills suck I need to do something oh rest I can't believe I got a caught I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you m like kids yeah we've been trying to catch the butt tickle and Bandit for years but you finally did it Jeffy with those karate skills of yours uh would you mind shutting the door for me yeah owow ow ow my face you just closed the door on my face ow sry oh it's fine let's let's just go tell your dad what you did there will be no butt tickling today sir I will mess you up oh my reaction skill suck I need to do something oh my God yeah your son closed the car door on my face but he stopped the creep but yeah I guess he did that too well Jeffy I guess you didn't need to learn karate after all you already know how to defend yourself I told you Daddy I already know how to fight every time somebody messes with me Bop yep Bop just like the car door right on my face Bop how do he close a car door on your face anyway well I didn't get out of the way cuz I was too busy daydreaming about my cat you see my cat likes to chew on like lamp cords and stuff so I left him home alone and usually I unplug the lamp cords but I think there's a lamp cord I forgot to unplug so I'm just kind of worried about them and he has asthma so there's that well I hope your cat's okay then yeah me too and anyway the message of this video is never talk to strangers and and and be careful when people are closing C Door so they don't slam it on your face yeah so Jeffy did you get the lesson of this video yep don't talk to strangers even if they have candy and and the car door on the face whatever all right Jeffy I'm glad you learned your lesson you're allowed to go outside again just don't talk to creeps yay I can go outside yeah Jeffy what are you doing ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone what Jeffy stop it a beep beep Banana Phone Jeffy no more banana phone freeze daddy put your hands up wait why am I doing that no Jeffy stop stop playing with bananas hey Daddy is that a banana in my pants or am I just happy to see you JY stop playing where you get all these bananas from I got a bunch of them daddy Mario he's just playing maybe he's hungry he's making me mad okay you know what fine let's go get you something to eat let's go in the kitchen all right d all right Jeffy here's your dinner I snuck some green beans in his macaroni and cheese that's not a good idea Mario he's not even going to notice um I would like to speak to the chef please what's wrong Jeffy it appears that someone has blown their nose into my macaroni and cheese because there's a whole bunch of boogers in here those are not boogers Jeffy then what's this green stuff it's the new zombie macaroni and cheese a couple of the noodles are zombies Die jie jie why you always got to throw your phood I am so tired of you you're the worst son ever Mario calm down no I'm not going to calm down down he's the worst ever he it's so hard taking care of him a monkey would be easier to take care of a monkey don't say that Mario you said a monkey would be better than Jeffy because it would it would probably actually listen look what you did Mario what I did he keep throwing his food well if you didn't put green beans in his macaroni and cheese this wouldn't have happened he need to eat healthy when when cry cry when cry when when cry my daddy hates me he said that a monkey would be better than me well you know what I'll show him I'm going to order a monkey off Amazon primate and then when he gets here I'm going to put my clothes on the monkey and then my daddy will think that I turned into a monkey yeah that's what I'm going to do oh that must be my Amazon primate package hey hello hey I'm from Amazon Prime mate oh yay my package is here yeah here you go pe oh man I can't wait to open up my monkey I'm going to spank my monkey come on out monkey oh you'll do just fine all right Mr Monkey put on my helmet and my shirt all right Mr Monkey so my mommy and daddy come in the room to wake you up to go to school tomorrow I want you to ruin their life okay Mr Monkey I'm going to be in the closet playing video games so you just lay right here Jeffy come on Jeffy it's time to get up and go to school Jeffy Jeffy you look terrible you look like you didn't sleep at all last night it's not funny Jeffy come on it's time to go to school Mario Jeffy stayed up all night last night well tell him he still has to go to school you tell him that [Applause] Mario Mario what's wrong that's not Jeffy that's a monkey what do you mean Mario that's a monkey look at him oh I thought he looked different yeah he looks like a monkey why do you think Jeffy turned into a monkey well last night you did say a monkey would be easier to take care of than Jeffy so you think God's punishing me and turn Jeffy into a monkey I guess so Mario careful what you wish for well we can't send Jeffy to school like this he's a monkey well we could shave him and then make him look more human I guess we could do that I guess go get a razor you didn't notice how hairy he was no Mario I thought he went through puberty or something okay just go get a razor let's try to shave him okay Mario I got the Razor all right Jeffy hold still Mario Mario are you okay okay well I guess no shaving Jeffy then come on let's go to school all right craft today we're going to be learning about Evolution evolution is how we became who we are today and so we all started out as a little tiny goldfish and the Goldfish turned into a monkey and in the monkey turned into a human being with a big booty I'm talking a lot of junk in the trunk and then there's Jeffy any questions cross what we used to be monkeys that's not fair I want to be a monkey I want to throw my poop yeah I want to throw my poop too hey Jeffy I don't think you even went through Evolution cuz you're as dumb as a monkey I'm sure you're all wondering how a goldfish turn into a monkey you're very simple explanation crft the Goldfish who the that poop at the chck board that's more delicious Jeffy you in trouble for trying to start a food fight in craft you're suspended I wonder how jeffy's day at school is going well since he's a monkey it's probably not going good Jeffy is that a note from your teacher let me see it let me see it let me see it to whom it may concern Jeffy threw something that looked like poop which turned out chocolate which means he was trying to start a food fight Jeffy suspended for 3 days you got suspended Jeffy oh stop hitting me you maybe he'll behave better now that he's at home what are we supposed to do how do we take care of a monkey um well we could feed him but feed him all right Jeffy come on look we're going to the kitchen to get you something to eat come on all right Jeffy what do you want for dinner I thought he was going to hit me oh Mario I know I know what bananas eat monkeys what bananas eat eat monkeys what are you talking about oh wait I have that backwards monkeys eat bananas Mario oh yeah they do all right so I'll get him a banana all right Jeffy here's a banana oh I think he likes it Mario why did you just thr the banana well maybe it was rotten Mario okay I'll give him another one here's another one oh no Mario now he's going to need a bath come on Jeff let's get you a bath you're not even hungry probably Jeffy your Bath's ready Jeffy get in the bathtub get in the bathtub stop climbing Jeffy Mario maybe he's afraid of water Jeffy you get down here right now is that what I think it is oh no Mario that's just chocolate calm down he's eating a fudge round and spitting it out Jeffy stop eating in the bathroom calm down he's making a huge mess Jeffy get get down right now he dropped it all come on look let's just get out of here okay I don't even know what to do anymore what was that for Mario maybe we should get some help like who I don't know maybe someone who knows a lot about monkeys like a monologist yes A monologist you're so smart Mario I was being sarcastic I don't even think that's a real thing I'm going to go call him right now at least he's sleeping hey there someone call a monologist off Craigslist oh I did I did a monologist is that even a real thing standing right here mate our son Jeffy turned into a monkey overnight what was he Jumping on the Bed what well the doctor said no more monkeys jumping on the bed so if we can find out if he was jumping on the bed then we can conclude that he is in fact a monkey he is a monkey look he's a monkey jumping on the bed confirmed no look this is what happened Jeffy was acting bad and I said a monkey would be easier to take care of than you and then he turned into a monkey well be careful what you wish for mate one time I told my wife that a giraffe could cook better than her and you know what happened she turned into a giraffe no she died in a car accident oh honey I'm so sorry why you call him honey ah it's not your fault she was blind she was blind from birth shouldn't have been driving anyway well can you help turn my son back from a monkey back to my son I'm a monkey olist not a magician mate well then what do you do I can tell you some monkey facts monkey facts yeah okay tell us some monkey facts all right hold on let me get my phone your phone y hey Siri tell me some monkey facts you you don't even know off the top of your head you have to Google it I can do that all right it says here monkeys are omnivos what you're not even a monkey so you're saying if I grab my phone and I Google monkey facts I'm a monologist also monkeys are as smart as a toddler you just get out of here you're not even a real monologist all right I'll send you my bill in the mail that was a complete waste of time we didn't get anywhere with that Mario maybe we should call a wizard and he can turn Jeffy back to normal okay I I'll call a wizard I'll call Chris tall balls hey there it's chrisal balls and I brought my crystal ball and what can I do for you this evening well Chris my son Jeffy turned into a monkey and I was wondering if you turn him back H 20 bucks 20 bucks M and you'll turn him back yep here's 20 bucks all right all right let me turn my ball on M Boo Boo Boo Bo all right crystal ball turn Je back into a human what nothing happened no just just keep keep looking just keep watching it'll be coming any minute no should be there hey Mario he just scammed us out of $20 oh he keeps scamming us oh I miss Jeffy me too what are we going to do that sounds like Jeffy Mario it does wait a minute no no no no no no no no no no no no get up no oh man this game is horse poop Jeffy what are you doing in the closet uh I was playing Fall Guys where'd you get that monkey from oh I ordered them off Amazon Prime mate I wanted to show you what it was like because you said that you'd rather have a monkey instead of me that is it Jeffy you are so crowded hold on Dad I'm getting a phone call what ring ring ring ring ring ring ring but a phone no booger get off her Mario it's okay he just wants attention bad booger booger Jeffy come get your dinosaur booger it's time for dinner here booger have a Skittle Dy he bit my head he won't let go bad booger let go hold let me get a hammer booger let go of my head somebody do something let go I call a doctor where did my hand go he somebody call a doctor yes doctor I called oh a Skittle and a green one too those are my favorite dibs uh but hold on I eat like a bird so just bear with me see I just like to suck on it cuz I can't chew it cuz I don't have teeth runs out of flavor fast though it's like Juicy Fruit okay what's up my son lost his hand yes yes but I'm sorry I know this is a serious situation but it's not every day somebody loses their hand okay I got jokes all right first the name calling Luke Skywalker Anakin Sky Walker mace Wu Count Dooku hold on who else lost their hand can you help my son uh a guy from 127 Hours with James Franco who else lost their hand come on help my son I'm trying to think of somebody else who lost their hand uh uh Princess Jasmine from from Aladdin almost okay I'm done all right all right what do you need a hand with my son got his hand bit off by his pet dinosaur oh I mean yeah it's going to happen I mean the first thing I'd prescribe is not having a pet dinosaur anymore yeah well I mean I didn't know he was going to bite his hand off why would you not think that it's a pet dinosaur okay look what can we do can you like give my son a new hand well uh yeah I mean I guess I could give him one of those cool robot hands like in Star Wars really no no you little idiot cuz that's a movie you're an idiot yeah no I can't really do that that that's not real uh I do have this Little Hook hand that I bought at a dollar store though so you could you could wear that you look like a pirate wouldn't you like that wouldn't you like to look like a pirate I bet you would you little idiot yeah you would you want to be a pirate can you just put it on his hand all right fine but uh first we should shake on it just do it all right there you go got yourself a nice old hook hand oh that's so awesome yeah now you look like Captain Hook from Peter Pan you know they called him Captain Hook cuz he had a hook for a hand which is kind of stupid I when they call him when he didn't have a hook hand Captain normal hand hand that's dumb so is there any rules that Jeffy should know about having a hook hand yes a lot actually you probably shouldn't scratch your eye with that hand uh or your balls unless you want to give yourself a vasectomy uh you probably can't play basketball anymore uh can't give anybody a high five uh don't wipe with that hand for sure uh don't pet any more cats um yeah if you're dating a girl you're probably no no no okay okay he understands he understands all right whatever well I guess I'll just go home to my ugly wife oh hey can I take those Skittles with me yeah here you go ooh no sh sh sh sh those damn pigeons all right where's roselina all right Jeffy get ready for school you're going to make me go to school with this hook hand yeah Jeffy I'm not going to let you play hookie from school Mario don't make fun of jeffy's hook yeah low blow daddy low blow I wish rosalena did that to me beep boys are gross all right Jeffy get ready for school all right Daddy but if showan makes fun of my hook hand I'm beating bottom all all right class today we're going to be learning about the oceans there are five main oceans in the world the Arctic Ocean the Atlantic Ocean the Indian Ocean the Pacific Ocean and the Southern Ocean any questions crass hey Cody I didn't know your mom had five places to live but she doesn't yeah she does there's five different oceans and she's a whale a big fat whale so she lives in all five oceans oh I get it oh man I hope no one knows his my hook hand hey what's that oh um nothing hey what is that nothing wait what's on your hand nothing leave me alone no show me show it's my winner it's not your winner yes he is it's my winner hey everybody this kid wants to see my wiener not your winner shut up no it's my wi leave me alone it's on your hand it is my winner leave leave me alone what is that a hook hand oh yeah I I hurt my hand and it came off and then now I have a hook for a hand what are you like a pirate you pirate freak I really look like a pirate yeah yeah what are you doing at school shouldn't you be at home getting hooked on [ __ ] onx hey hey hey Captain Hook where's Peter Pan Jeffy Bor stop making noise you're interrupting the class but teacher this pirate freak has a hook hand hey hey everybody look at his hook hand I wonder how Jeffy stay at school went guess who got suspended what what your boy jefferon and cheese Jeffy why'd you get suspended for beating bottom why'd you beat bottom because I told you that if someone made fun of my hook hand that I was going to beat bottom so bottom was beaten Jeffy why'd you beat bottom though cuz he called me a pirate Mario that's not funny he a pirate oh you think it's funny D he call me a pirate I'll show you a pirate Jeffy what's that noise it's coming from what hold on what are you doing building a pirate ship building a pirate ship yeah take a look at it what how much does this cost 50 grand 50 Grand Mario this is so cool it's not 50 Grand cool who told you to build this him Jeffy what are you doing my name's not Jeffy anymore it's Captain Jeff Sparrow well Captain Jeff Sparrow your ship's coming down break it break it break it okay our captain always goes down with his ship Jeffy you're grounded no I'm not yes you are how about we have a short duel instead de and whoever loses has to walk the plank no yes you can't turn down a sword duel that's in the pirate code you turn down a sword duel that's how you get scurvy okay fine we'll get a stupid sword duel and when I win you're grounded for a month all right daddy let me get the swords all right daddy let sword fight you lose daddy now you got to walk the plank no walk the plank all right daddy walk the plank I am what what do you want me to do jump off no I'm going to break my legs jump jump off no stop it jump off g f okay I think I think I broke my leg Mario are you okay no I let on my leg it hurts oh Jeffy stay still ow and done how'd you break your leg anyway were you in to play and someone told you to break a leg no I fell off a pirate ship wait what you were there yeah I know I just wanted to make the joke how long do you think my legs going to be broken for I don't know probably till the next video sorry I had a long day I had to help son with his hook hand and then I had to build him an entire pirate ship which he still hasn't paid me for by the way then I had to come here and help you with your broken leg anyway Stay Gold Pony but ow oh what's wrong just remembered my wife making chicken tenders I don't like could Che tenders probably going to stop by KFC on the right home ow Mario are you okay I broke my leg because of Jeffy Jeffy get in here let me yell at you oh shiver me timbers daddy Jeffy why you dress like a pirate so I can get free movies no Jeffy seriously why you dress like a pirate because you thought it was funny that kids at school were calling me a pirate because I had a hook hand Jeffy that's stupid take off that costume I will but first Daddy I have to tell you my pirate jokes no no pirate jokes yes pirate jokes no yes how much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced how much a Buccaneer that's dumb why did the pirate cross the road why because it started with r that's so stupid you can literally do that with any word that starts with r hey Daddy you want to hear a pirate tell you the alphabet no a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p the q r s t u v w h y n g now I know my next time won't you sing with me so the joke was for you to say the whole alet and just emphasize R cuz you're a pirate daddy why does it take Pirates so long to learn the alphabet you tell me you just took you forever to say it because they can spend years at sea oh Jeffy please stop dang why did the pirate buy an eye patch why because he couldn't afford an iPad that's so dumb an iPad is electronic and iPad is just cloth why would he why would he settle for that what did the pirate see down in the toilet what the Captain's Log you get it cuz like a big poop in there the captain went in the bathroom and he pooped left it in there and it was a big log that's gross Jeffy stop it stop it go to your room take that off Dad why don't Pirates go to the strip clubs why cuz they already have all the booties def that's inappropriate leave did you know that 3.14% of all Sailors are pirates get it like pie 3 okay Jeffy no no no more pirate jokes leave we're done it's getting old go leave yes more pirate jokes no more pirate Pirates favorite part of a song What The Hook dumb leave why couldn't the Pirates play cards why because the captain was standing on the deck okay that's it okay leave leave leave leave no no hold on I got a couple more why did I take the boat's wheel out of my pants why Jeffy cuz it was driving me nuts it's not that funny stop it what is a pirate's favorite food what barbecue stop it it's I mean that was pretty funny but no stop it when a pirate gets lonely and wants a girlfriend he goes and buys a hook Jeffy stop it Jeffy that's it go to your room right now all right Mario what's that what look jeffy's hand that's jeffy's hand we can call a doctor and they they can put it back on Mario let's do that right now hurry okay okay hey there somebody call a doctor why are you looking your fingers oh I just ate a whole bunch of KFC and it's finger looking good don't touch to me with your greasy fingers have fun with your pimples you know Dr pimple POA I'm the opposite of that Dr pimple Giver okay okay look look we found my son's hand and we want you to put it back on oh good all right I'll just get some super glue and plop that right back on uh but first I need my hook let me just what what you have a hand what Jeffy explain why do you have a hand well because I thought that you wouldn't make me go to school if I got my hand cut off so I faked it you Fake it Well I went to the Halloween store and I got this fake arm and the Hand comes off ohuh well that's cool is anybody going to pay me for that pirate ship I built man Marvin thanks for inviting me over you know I don't really have that many friends so it's really great to just have a boy night can you take your drink off the table I don't wanted to spill oh yeah sure I will right after I make this shot okay red ball in the corner pocket hey Dy what doing Marvin get your kid Jeffy go away we're trying to play pool can I play no we're having a boy's night well I'm a boy well having a big boy's night I'm a big boy okay then we're having a boys who have hair on their pee pe's night well I got a bush like a porcupine well okay then we're having a boys who've had vasectomies night huh huh have you please Jeffy just go away well what you trying to do I am trying to hit the white ball and use it to knock the red ball into the pocket oh that's easy oh yeah you think that's easy well it's not not for a kid like you but it's easy for me because I'm a professional check this out damn it damn it I can't I can't believe I did that I mean I had a perfect sh breathe just breathe Brooklyn guy that's what my therapist says I have to breathe whenever I get into situations like this and I have to drink I can't believe you missed that that was super easy oh yeah if you think it's so easy why don't you do it how about this I'll give you 10 bucks if you can make that shot okay Bet okay Bet hey Danny is this how I'm supposed to hold it look at stupid over here he doesn't even know how to hold this stick Jeffy you're supposed to use the other side I don't want to use the skinny side daddy the women prefer the big side but Jeffy you're supposed let him let him do it like this let him look stupid go on kid make the shot if it's so easy all right Jeffy look you're supposed to hit this white ball to hit the red ball to go in here all right let me line it up ow Jeffy not me sorry you're supposed to hit the balls stupid don't you know what balls look like you should have two of them all right well let me try again yeah try Jeffy try it again all right let me line it up [Music] and H how' you do that oh man I got all the balls in I must not be that good at this game no are you kidding me you're amazing I've never seen anyone do that before Jeffy how did you do that I just hit the ball with my stick well that that's got to be luck I mean there's no way you could do that again I can do it again really okay well let me set up the balls I got to see this all right the balls is set up if you can knock them all in in one shot again I'll give you a 100 bucks 100 bucks he's not going to do it Jeff you got this I got it Daddy bucks please how is this possible like is is he some kind of pull shock did you know about this did you make me think he was bad at pull just so I bet money I didn't know he was this good oh my God we have a huge opportunity here we could be rich how well we could invite people over here to play pool against your son right and then we tell them that your son is bad at pool so they bet money that they can beat him and then he just goes ape [ __ ] and gets all the balls in like he just did and then we just rake in all the cash that's an amazing idea but how are we going to find people that want to verse Jeffy and pool oh don't worry once I make it commercial everyone's going to want to play him okay then go make the commercial yeah I will um where's my 100 bucks oh yeah yeah the 100 bucks um let go of it it's all I have please well we're going to make more money back okay I guess you're right Jeff you're so good at pool I know get out of the way the commercial's about to come on hey I was watching that hey I was watching that oh my my God you're married to this who the commercials on hey there do you suck at pool well not as much as this kid say the thing I suck see he's sucks I've been killing this kid at pool I bet him a 100 bucks that I could beat him go ahead Jeffy it's your turn okay see that he just pocketed the eightball what an idiot pay up okay here you go look just like that I made a 100 bucks playing this kid in pools like printing money so if you think you can beat this kid and you got a lot of money to spend come on down and play this kid in pool I guarantee you'll win yay I was in a commercial damn I look good on TV I mean I know they say the camera adds 10 lb but I think it's to my wiener area Marvin what was that commercial all about oh my god did she ever stop talking nag nag nag nag nag baby look jeffy's really good at pool so he made a commercial saying he's bad at pool so people will come play them and bet a lot of money and then Jeffy will beat them and we'll make a lot of money so you're going to con people out of their money aren't they going to get angry can you even understand what she's saying oh my God you're so rude like that I got nothing there baby look what we're doing is completely legal and we're just having fun we're going to make a little bit of cash Marvin you're going to exploit our son do you want me to like do something about her cuz I know a guy I mean I can baby look just don't pay attention just watch your TV look we're going to go make some money okay fine good luck finding your channel [Music] now when are the people going to show up don't worry they'll be here the commercial is perfect people are going to want to play pool hey Daddy look at my blue balls why is one of from purple cuz I squeezed it too much Jesus look it's been over an hour yeah you're right it has been a while but I mean why wouldn't people show up I mean that commercial was pretty good we didn't put the address what we didn't put the address in the commercial people don't know where to go oh yeah you didn't put the address in the commercial no we didn't so now people are just driving around looking for pool well go edit the commercial and put the address well I can't do that it already aired well air it again well I already spent $5,000 to air it that one time why was it so expensive because it's during a football game on a Sunday it's Prime Time what are we going to do D then we got to make our money well I mean I guess we could just put a sign on your front door in case somebody Drives By what are the odds that someone drives by the house looking for a pool oh believe me they're going to be speeding by go make a sign okay there now people will know where to show up okay good okay now that the signs up all we have to do is sit here and wait for people to show up so we can make our money heck yeah you know sometimes I wish I could blink my eyes are so dry mine too I told you that sign would work all right what jumps right to be destroyed in pool guy Jonathan what are you doing here why are you wearing a towel well I saw a sign for a pool tournament and I'm really good at swimming so I thought there might be some really hot babes here that would go skin dipping with me is your wife here no Jonathan not that kind of pool I meant like Billiards like the game well I can play Billiards oh yeah you have any money well no but how about every time I miss a shot I have to take off a piece of clothing I'm really B no Jonathan get out of here no we're going to need a different sign it's really on there there now there won't be any confusion Bingo we got someone all right who wants it hello would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies what Girl Scout cookies what the get in here and get your ass kicked in pool excuse me what you heard me get in there are you going to buy some cookies Well yeah if you win now come on okay so what are we doing we're playing pool now how much money you got um $8 $8 how long you been selling cookies today 8 hours8 hours that's only a dollar an hour let's hope you're better at pool than you are selling cookies you know what we're wagering these cookies too all right Jeffy let a break okay uh so what do I do you hit the ball with the stick haven't you played pool before hurry up I don't feel good about this oh come on man this is how we make money and cookies she's just a little girl no no no no she knew what she was getting herself into when she were R the doorbell she wanted this I think she was just trying to sell cookies no way man she saw the sign and she thought she could con us she doesn't want us to know that she's secretly good at pool she's trying to do the same thing we are doing but we're smarter than that that's why we're going to win hurry up punk okay what was that that suck do you even know how to play no oh yeah okay yeah she's trying to con us all right Jeffy Show her what you got let me show you how it's done yeah it's my boy right there it's my boy are you eating the cookies yeah I don't know we're going to win all right prepare to lose damn you lost you suck oh what's this I'm going to have one of your cookies oh your cookies are so good oh oh oh you're $8 yes so what happened what happened you lost that's what happened go back to pool school loser learn some new tricks you can't Conor Conor yeah get your stepping get out of here walk a shame man that felt good good what that was wrong wrong come on buddy there's nothing wrong about this look have a cookie make I I want to cook it it tastes good right it's the taste of Victory I no yeah I know they kind of taste like [ __ ] but look we got $8 you know we just do that a few more times we'll have like 20 bucks who's that another chump who's ready to go broke hey there oh hey Goodman you know this chump what are you doing here well you see I run the Girl Scout cookie foundation and two of my girls showed up with no money and no cookies saying that they were robbed B yeah okay you should tell your little con artist to get better at playing pool pardon me yeah they came ringing our doorbell and saying they were the best pool players there were and we showed them didn't we Marvin uh but not really so you guys were playing pool yeah you good I'm really good okay we'll put your money where your mouth is okay all right come on in $100,000 that I win Marvin Marvin we're going to win $100,000 I don't think we should do this what are you talking about your son's of God of course we're going to win well what if we don't win we're not going to lose so where's your 100,000 oh we we have $100,000 don't worry are you sure cuz all I see is $8 in a bag of my cookies well that that that's just chump change don't worry we got it we don't have $100,000 shut up he doesn't need to know that so who wants to break oh we do we do we want to break Jeffy come break let me show you how it's done woohoo yeah go Jeffy all right prepare to lose no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no come on come on come on get in the hole that's your home go in there H one ball left I call this pocket no no no no no Marvin we might lose I just got to line up my shot oh my God Marvin I think we're going to lose no no no no he could miss this shot it's a very long shot why didn't all of jeffy's balls go in because your stupid cookie crumbs affected the ball damn it they're not even that good and Bingo was his Neo [ __ ] so how much money did you make Marvin we lost $100,000 what you don't have $100,000 well I didn't lose it Brooklyn guy bet it so he lost it how's he going to pay that back I don't know hey Dad look my head's a washing machine who's that hello hey say the thing hello I'm selling Girl Scout cookies would you like to buy some why are you doing this I got to make back that $100,000 somehow please play some cookies Jeffy it's time to go to school wake up it's time to go to school Jeffy what riddle Santa Claus lands here Jeffy we don't have time to play games or solve riddles you have to get ready to go to school Santa Claus lands here what does that even mean the fireplace the fireplace all right Jeffy I'm tired of your stupid games it's time to go to school Jeffy where you at it's the fireplace Santa Claus lands here he lands in the fireplace if it's not the fireplace where else could it be Santa Claus lands here Santa Claus lands the roof Jeffy what are you doing on the roof I don't want to go to school get your ass inside the house and get ready for school if you make me go to school I'm jumping off the roof Jeffy you're not going to jump off the roof bet me $5 then I'm not going to bet you $5 cuz you don't want to lose $5 no because I don't want you jumping off the roof look are you making me go to school or not yes Jeffy don't you jump off that roof if you jump off the roof you're rounded literally Jeffy Jeff are you okay oh know what color is my hat dadd you know I don't know my colors all right that's kind of normal of you um oh you know I'm going to call a doctor just to make sure well I want my five bucks you're not getting five bucks Jeffy D you bet me $5 I wouldn't jump off the roof I did not accept that bet you jump off because you didn't want to go to school well I still want my five bucks oh look I'm going to call a doctor and then I'll give you your stupid five bucks all right all right buddy that I'm giving you this bill for $10,000 for wasting my time for $10,000 no D no don't call the doctor why cuz he's going to charge you a lot of money and then you won't be able to give me my five bucks okay look the doctor has never charged me any money he's my friend okay so look come on we have to get you checked oh but this time's different hey there somebody call a doctor oh thank God you're here doctor my son jumped off the roof and landed on his head oh my God is he dead uh no well is he bleeding uh no the does he have any broken bones uh I don't think so is he in any pain at all Jeffy are you in pain no then what am I doing here well I mean I I wanted you to check him because he jumped off the roof and landed on his head so I just wanted you to check him to make sure he's okay okay hey kid you okay yeah he's okay well I just wanted you to like double check and make sure he didn't have like a concussion he's wearing a helmet I'm pretty sure he's fine you know I could be at the hospital right now saving lives but instead I'm sitting here on your couch looking at a perfectly unharmed kid I'm sorry for wasting your time yeah me too in fact I'm so sorry that I'm giving you this bill for $10,000 for wasting my time but $10,000 you've never charged me before well I'm getting really tired of coming over here for stupid reasons this wasn't a stupid reason he jumped off the roof and landed on his head well he didn't get hurt though I mean I bit my cheek eating breakfast this morning but I didn't call the doctor I just said ow and I kept eating and I just chewed with the other side of my mouth you know how it goes you've eaten before I'm sorry yeah well I want my $110,000 and you can pay me right now well right now yep well I have to go to the bank and get a loan then okay I'll wait Jeffy it looks like you're not getting your $5 Daddy I told you this was going to happen well look Jeffy look get in the car I'm going to drop you off at school on the way to the bank all right crft I got a surprise for you no homework for the rest of the year yeah no why the reason you guys have no homework for the the rest of the year is because we did a study and we realized that homework is stressing the kids out they don't want to do homework at home they just want to play fortnite they only want to learn in school so no homework for the rest of the year unless you guys start misbehaving and then I'm going to erase the no so that means homework for the rest of the year you guys got it no homework for the rest of the Year this is the greatest day of my life I know Junior it's so cool hey Cody you want to throw this ball yeah no Junior don't throw the ball why we want to have fun cuz something bad's going to happen nothing bad's going to happen give me you ball Cody throw it over Jeffy uhoh damn it crass why you hit me in H with a [ __ ] big black [ __ ] hit me right in head why you do that d C because of that that means homework for the rest of the year all you got to know it's [ __ ] homework 100 pages of homework every single night for the rest of the [ __ ] year homework for hitting me in head with big black [ __ ] 100 pages of homework every night see Junior I told you something bound was going to happen well Jeffy it's all your fault my fault it's his fault he's the one who threw the ball really high well I only threw it really high cuz you were in the way yeah Jeffy he only threw it high because you were trying to stop us from throwing it we were going to toss it between our desks he was never going to throw it that high until you got in the way H I knew this was going to happen well if you knew it was going to happen then why'd you still do it I knew it was going to happen I just didn't know how it was going to happen Jeffy you're so stupid just don't talk to us but I'm trying to stop it hey D can you help me with my homework Jesus Christ Jeffy why do you have so much homework cuz some kid threw a ball and then the ball hit the clock and then the clock hit the teacher in the head and the teacher got pissed and gave with a bunch of homework Jeffy were you the kid that threw the ball no Jeffy tell the truth dy I didn't throw the ball I was the one who told the kid not to throw the ball well Jeffy you better get started on your homework cuz this is a lot of homework I'm not doing that [ __ ] I wouldn't even do that [ __ ] if it was one page Jeffy maybe if I told you what I ordered for dinner you'll get happy what we having for dinner I ordered pizza pizza you hear that pee PE we're getting pizza pizza pizza hold on Jeffy that must be the pizza I'm going to get it all right all right pay me ah thank you all right no Daddy stop uh hello hey there you want a large pepperoni pizza uh yeah but why is it open hm why is the Box opened oh well I got bored so I started counting all the pepperonis okay well how many are there uh 45 well actually 46 and then I ate one okay that'll be $9.95 all right well here's $10 you can keep the change really 5 Cent tip I drove all the way over here and counted all these pepperonis and you're given me a 5-cent tip okay well one I didn't ask you to count the pepperonis two you ate one and three I gave you 10 grand earlier when you were a doctor yeah I guess that's fair okay pay me ah you go D oh Jeffy look what you did oh I knew that was going to happen I was just trying to prevent it oh you know what Jeffy you know eating for dinner since you want to ruin this pizza come with me you're eating you're eating green beans a a all right Jeffy since you want to scare me and make me drop the pizza you're going to eat green beans for dinner Daddy I already told you I was trying to stop it from happening no you weren't Jeffy you came up behind me and scared me on purpose so you're going to eat green beans a all right Jeffy open wide that makes sense all right Jeffy open wide Jeffy why would you do that that's it Jeffy you want to throw your green beans when you're grounded for a week and you can't leave your room well that's fun D I like my room I'm just going to sit right here and play fortnite fortnite well you know what Jeffy I'm taking your TV too oh hell no daddy why don't you put the crack pipe down and let's talk about it like [ __ ] adults no deff it's too late for talking I'm taking your TV how how are you Daddy stop Daddy give me my TV back no Jeffy you're grounded get away no Daddy you're going to break it I'm not going to break it Jeff I'm just taking it no D I'm trying to stop it from being broken I'm not going to break it look what you did toy D this is your fault I was trying to stop it from breaking you know what I'm calling the cops on you Jeffy because you need to be taught a lesson hey there you call the police yes I did Officer my son's been a very bad boy he broke his TV and then he threw his plate of green beans at dinner now what do you want me to do about it I would like you to give him a talking to a talking to yes I'm a police officer I arrest people I don't do talking to you're his father you're supposed to punish him ground him or something well he doesn't listen to me so I thought he'd listen to a police officer what okay hey kid you know that thing you did that you weren't supposed to do don't do it anymore there I talk to him oh you know you've been wasting my time a lot today first I came here as a doctor for no reason and then I came here as a pizza man and you just threw the pizza on the floor so that was a waste of my time and now that I come here as a cop you want me to discipline your kid for you you know what you should be banned from using Emergency Services Oh Daddy what he's going to shooting you in your leg he's not going to shoot me in my leg Jeff he's a police officer he wouldn't do that what are you doing there's a fly in here and I'm going to shoot it I hate flies all right oh there he is stop it you're not going to get him I'm going to get him don't don't worry there he is there he is stop it not quite what okay okay just hold still oh oh got I got his ass Oh Daddy I told you that was going to happen oh I got your leg too oh God why would you do that sorry I I'll go get my doctor outfit on oh god there you go you're all bandaged up I can't believe you shot me in the leg sorry I just really hate flies and Jeffy you predicted that he would shoot me in the leg before it even happened oh come on I shoot lots of unarm people he probably just saw it on the news well that's what I've been trying to tell you Daddy I've been seeing things before they happened all day oh yeah well then what are the lottery numbers tonight well I can't pick one I see it just happens oh yeah that sounds real believable well I mean all day he's been saying they's been seeing stuff before they even happen all right stand back I don't know I don't think anybody can predict the future cuz if they could they should have warned me not to marry my ex-wife cuz she was a [ __ ] is that a bat in your house a bat there's a bat in your house how' a bat get in my house I don't know but I have the perfect thing for this this is my bat that I used to kill bats it's my bat bat I use it to bat bad bats not good bats I only bat bad bats with my bat bat you see all that blood that's all the blood from the bad bats that I batted with my bat bat all right I'm going to go kill this bad bat all right stand back oh my bad Jeffy are you okay Jeffy are you okay doctor can you check and see if he's okay okay hey kid are you bleeding no do you have any broken bones no are you in any pain at all no okay well in that case here is another bill for $10,000 for wasting my time and you can pay me right now tacos gave me diarrhea diarrhea diarrhea tacos gave me diarrhea and it is in my pants Jeffy stop it don't sing about stuff like that it's gross somebody is at the door at the door at the door somebody is at the door and there is Diary in my pants uh hello give it to me give what to you your house payment Mario it's not due till midnight and it's only 8:00 it's midnight somewhere in the world well look I don't know if I'm going to be able to make my payment tonight Mario if you do not pay your house payment by midnight tonight do you know what I'm going to do to you what purple nerle purple nle I'm going to take your nipple in this hand see this hand Mario I'm going take your nipple in this hand and twist really hard I'm going to take this hand and pick up where I left off and twist really hard I'm going to take this hand one more time see this hand Mario see it bring it around town and squeeze and twist really hard and this hand one more time pick up where I left up it twist really hard this hand Mario one more time look at this hand watch it bring it around town and twist really hard and I'm going to rip your nipple clean off your chest Mario see right here what do I have in my hand or nipple guess what I'm going to do with your nipple Mario a yummy your nipple well that seems like it's going to hurt oh yeah I've only done it twice in my life before the guy the guy I did it to guess what his name is what no nipple Tim guess how many house payments no nipple Tim has missed how many zero so if you miss your house payment tonight Mario your nickname is going to be no nipple Mario see you later no nipple Mario kind of has a ring to it oh my poor nipples what's wrong daddy well Jeffy if I don't come up with $2,000 by tonight I'm going to lose my nipples well I don't have nipples see that's gross Jeffy I just need quick money tonight yo yo yo do you need money tonight be entering your most fire rap song into the rap song competition and you can win $50,000 $50,000 just to make some stupid little rap song I can do it it can't be that hard uh okay uh my name is Mario I really need some money if I don't get it then my nipples will be gy I don't know this is stupid I'm just going to ask black y should to make a rap hey Daddy I can make a rap no you can't Jeffy yeah I can daddy I just need a saxophone a [Music] saxophone W to see my p w to see my p w to see my p want to see my p hey Daddy want to see my pain I stick it in my nose until it hits the metal it's yellow it's special it tastes like a pretzel I hit it on my head to make this instrumental a mental I'm crazy dieap for like a baby who's the Easter Bunny you know that it's my daddy my rhym are freaking hot you weren't even ready I got my Jammy y I'm ready for Benny W to see my p w to see my p w to see my penil want to see my pen want to see my penil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil no you want to see my pencil no back on the track These Hoes are smack these haters can't kill me you know that's a fact my diaper I Pat my piano is a cat I see a can of green beans i h it with a bat always wear my helmet don't have to to ride a bike these bullies want to try me you know we're going to fight people say they hate me well they can take a hike I just School these haters now let me drop the m w to see my pencil W to see my pencil W to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil want to see my pencil no you want to see my pencil sure daddy what did you think Jeffy that was ridiculous I can't believe you submitted that you're not going to win man Daddy stop hating when that big drops it's going to be straight fire it's going to be topping charts and tasting farts I'm going to need a snorkel daddy a snorkel for what for all the wet kitty I'm going to be swimming in wet kitty oh yeah I'm talking wet soaking wet meow who's that Jeffy just stay right here all right daddy uh hello hey is JF here JF yeah JV uh jeffy's here no no no not no Jeffrey JP look anyway I got $50,000 that he won in a rap contest well he actually won the contest yeah man oh come on inside come on inside all right all right all right so I sit right here Jeffy Jeffy get in here so Jeffy really won yeah he sent us the hardest rap song what's up ball sniffers Jeffy you won the $50,000 Rap Contest I knew that bill was hot yep you beat everybody in the competition so here's $50,000 cuz you're the W who was that I don't know hold on I'll get it uh hello yo Mario is the rap judge here rap judge yeah well there's a guy here giving us $50,000 for a rap song What mo the way man look at all this paper yep and it's all yours wait not so fast who are you man somebody get this skid mark off my table I'm toing I'm here to submit a song to the contest don't waste your time well yeah he's right it's kind of too late to submit a song but I kind of do want to hear another song so go ahead and send me song Let me see oh man who let the ass out oh I need all girls to get bers just shake it baby dang this song is five what's going on man this song's so good it might be a tie he tie are you high a tie it can't be a tie you already said Jeffy won look look look it's so good I think to put up a good fight yeah mine is good right wait wait wait so so if the songs are tied how are we going to settle this uh I don't know maybe we should call the fire department to see whose song is the most fire okay so I got a call about a fire here yeah yeah yeah we want you to see which song is the most fire what which song is the most fire yeah yeah so you're telling me there's no actual fire here no we we just want you to see which song is better which song is the most fire all right just play the songs okay oh yeah both of those songs are pretty fire I I think I got third degree burns on my face so which song was the most fire huh well they were both pretty fire but I got a thing for butts so I'm going to go with that one woohoo I won that's BS yeah Jeffy song was better well the firefighter has smoking I'm going to go to the hospital now oh man Jeffy I can't believe you lost well Jeffy I guess you can say bye-bye to my nipples bye-bye Daddy's nipples I was supposed to get $2,000 by tonight oh Dad I got this what $110,000 yep where'd you get that at Jeffy oh I stole it off the pile of money what you stole it yeah Daddy I'm about that life I'm on that gangster shiz well I guess my nipples are saved yay Daddy's nipples I'll celebrate daddy let me grab my hoe hoe there you go daddy my main hoe shoot him he right there right there see him you just missed him you Try n you got it you got hey Black Yoshi May me get out the way try to play the game Black Yoshi can you watch Jeffy while I go to the store no man can't you see I'm playing Call of Duties but Jeffy just going to St right there he'll be quiet I promise no Jeffy just stay right here black going to watch you black just watching excuse me sir do you think you get your feet off my couch why so you get slave my ancestors again white devil never mind never mind yeah that's what I thought hey black J you want to hear my new song yeah man put it on F hey I'm about to put it on [ __ ] ass niggaer better pay my money I shoot you in the ass if you think it's funny but that baby ain't M she was mad ug but titties man that track fire FK I think I'm going be famous F oh I'm not sing a song Wait what I hand green beans I like Carr I like car I like car I'm my D to fair to fair to Fair man Jeffy get that crap out of here F oh my Jewish god did you hear that black Yoshi wait wait Jeffy play that back again oh man I'm feeling this hey this a hit son hey Jeffy you come with me bring your [Music] [ __ ] all right Black Yoshi I'm back from the store oh F real quick can you pass me to what's Bell seeds the what's a what the watermelon seed F you suck on them just like sunflower seeds taste real good F give me some that's not what you do with watermelon seeds Black Yoshi man yeah give me some no no you use them to grow watermelon black what your wear Jeffy who Jeffy the the kid I love with you who's that who's Jeff is the kid I left with you black Yoshi oh Jeff is old dude with the with the helmet on PS on his nose D on outside his face yes that that that kid I don't know you don't know where he's at no F oh oh actually I think he went with Tyrone they said something about recording song with something folk you let my kid go away with some guy named Tyrone yeah black where did they go uh somebody recording the song I think they went to the studio F where's that at I don't even know oh my God black you I can't trust you withth anything I don't know where jeffy's at what up [ __ ] Jeffy what's up Daddy I'm a Gangster now Jeffy why are you dressed like that because I get F holes Daddy I'm talking fat one yeah your son very talented he can rap what Jeffy can't rap oh yes he can he was in the room rapping and I had to take him to the studio to do a song SK SK but hole Daddy yeah yeah what I do not approve of this Jeffy take those clothes off hey hey his name ain't Jeffy anymore it's j Fe J Fe yeah Daddy I'm on that hood [ __ ] yeah yeah that hood [ __ ] no no Jeffy take these clothes off I'm his father and he's only 12 years old I do not approve of this wait wait you didn't even see the music video yet music video hold on Daddy I get mad hoes I'm talking hoes butthole doing this fast as [ __ ] Daddy bang him and slang him daddy what does that even mean hell yeah he won't understand J Fe he won't understand let's just show him the music video all right watch it Daddy come on come on Daddy okay all right all right you ready to see the dopest music video of 2017 just show it to me all why why why hey Daddy I smacked these h I stuck my pee PE in some Cheerios I got a pencil in my nose and I beat my diaper everywhere I gone like a hop hop like a bunny poop my pants and now it's running I goo you think that's funny I stuff my diaper with all my money Jeffy why why Jeffy don't do that why why Jeffy eat your Greening why why Jeffy don't poop your pants why why with your oh Jeffy stop it why got a helmet on top of my head spank my pee pee until it was red eat green beans I rather be dead it's 10:00 and I'm ready for bed hey Daddy I just uh showed you how to poop on the track so uh I'm going to bed I got my carrots on got my bunny suit on I'm ready for bed that b f now what you think that was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life what Jeffy take those clothes off right now but dny I get fat ho I don't care about the fat ho Jeff you're not being a rapper and that's final oh you sure about that would this change your mind $10,000 yeah that's from the first song we did together yeah Daddy I'm Paper Chasing and [ __ ] tasting yeah yeah no no it's not worth it Jeffy take those clothes off right now no Daddy you're just being a hater I'm not being a hater I'm being a good P I'm not going to let you degrade yourself like that no amount of money is worth it oh you sure about that Daddy what about this uh that that that that's that's a lot of paper yes $50,000 now all you got to do is let J Fe sign a little record deal so he can record some more music yeah D I got my eyes on the paper cuz that's all I want hey now keep your eyes on this paper Daddy I mean I mean that is a lot of money yeah don't you want 50,000 yeah I've always known Jeffy had Talent it's just I want to make sure he's safe you know oh of course of course so I I think we can make a deal as long as he's safe and we we make a good amount of money okay okay okay that sound like a bet all right now all we got to do is let JP get arrested a couple of times you know to boost up his street crab arrested yeah yeah yeah just to boost the street crab you feel me I'm going to Merk hoes Daddy no the deal's off the deal's off no the deal's off wait wait I already called the cops though you called the cop oh oh no oh no oh no no oh hello yeah I'm looking for a guy named J Fe right here what yeah JF you're under arrest well for what well he shot an old woman and he opened some body else's mail what that [ __ ] had it coming Daddy you opened someone else's mail Jeffy yeah Daddy I heard there was a cce's pizza gift card in there you've never been to cce's in your life Jeffy it sounded good but uh sir this is a mistake he's only 12 years old he he can't really go to jail can he I mean did you see the security footage that sh was Gangsta I straight merked that [ __ ] daddy you see he's even admitting it yeah but he's only 12 he's going to go to jail for life oh no he's not going to go to jail for life you see he he's he's famous so he's probably going to serve a few months at at most I'm going to stab some of those hood rats on on the yard Daddy yeah okay JY you're coming with me Jeff you're going to jail at the age of 12 how do you feel about that I ain't do nothing daddy you just ad you just Adit it jff oh my God so how did it go how did it go my 12-year-old son just got arrested how do you feel oo how does all this money feel being this rich I mean I mean it's nice having money but my son's in jail right now look it's all a part of the plan Daddy it's all a part of the plan he's only going to go to jail for a couple of months get out drop a new song Get Rich again and then go back to jail go back to jail yeah man it's all a rinse method you feel me you know watch rinse repeat watch rinse repeat drop the song Get Rich go to jail what that doesn't sound like a good idea I'm telling you it's all a part of the plan dad just let it work out you feel me okay I trust you I mean you got the money to speak for yourself MH yeah all here I'll just wait a couple of months until Jeffy gets out all right breaking news up and coming rapper JP is breaking records Nationwide with his hit new single Why if you haven't heard it go listen to it right now go who's this JP still in my fame oh I'mma show him yeah I'mma show him D what's up cracker Jeffy you're out of jail hell yeah what how was jail Jeffy I got raped in my butthole daddy that that's not a good thing Jeffy yes daddy got my street credit up you don't have street credit when you got raped in the butthole Jeffy yes I do Daddy hey Daddy you want a you want a rim job what yeah I can put rim on your car Daddy I got Spinners I got floaters I also got like and aanti rims daddy Jeffy that's not what a rim job means yeah it is well your song is number one in the country hell yeah Daddy you hear it everywhere that [ __ ] straight fire JC Oh Daddy this is my [ __ ] right here see her yeah what you just smacked her Jeffy hell yeah Daddy I smack them and send them to bed I don't love these homes yeah I just got a domestic violence call did you just smack that woman yep okay yeah we're going back to jail Jeffy you just got out of jail it ain't nothing new daddy these streets are hard as [ __ ] Daddy come on come on JY all right I'll see you in a few months Jeffy bye daddy what's up vanilla biscuit Jeffy you're out of jail again what it look like Daddy oh well how was jail this time Jeffy daddy it was great I got my PP pierced while I was in prison what you got your pee PE pierced hell yeah Daddy and they did it with a rusty nail and they messed up the first couple times so now my pee PE looks like a flute that's gross Jeffy yeah Daddy and the hoes blow like one too like y JY I'm glad to see you out of jail ganga what up team Money Man nothing much I got some devastating news though man it could hurt your career I hate to say it but somebody dropped a this song on you man what who yeah yeah yeah it was told man he dropped a this song like a yesterday because he heard your song who's told oh man he one of the hottest rappers out right now he been out for a couple of years but yeah he heard your song and then I guess I guess he was mad you know what I'm saying so he he had to drop a this song and now I think you got to drop one now no I mean hearing this disc track yeah to hear the disc song is it really that bad yeah man it's [Music] bad oh man yo I heard somebody out here think they best that they better than toad milk yo Jeffy you need to sit down somewhere before I roast you wait it's too late you think you're the best but you're the worst number two number one first somebody please get a h cuz I'm about to kill Jeffy with one first you wear ugly clothes P your nose I bet you with your brain if not you're very close I'm not even done I'mma tell you when the to I'm about to turn Jeffy into a Roose I really don't like you plus you diaper bet you be your P every time you get hper always praying the flame just for ligh to is the best you going to beat me in the C at the distance I bet you really won't like me but too sweet like and IC tea toad is the best kid in be it's unlikely Jeffy with a do they even Nike Jeffy is a door he's D than a for he was a helmet cuz he was dropped by the store Jeffy Can't Rap I'mma put on the rest everybody loves to to the best to the best to the best everybody loves to to the best to's the best to's the best I'mma put Jeffrey the rest cuz to's the best oh what what trying to tell man trying to tell you Jeffy you can't best you a loser cuz you put out one s you can keep up with a with a king I'm told the milk don't forget about it milk and cookies I die n get whoop that ain't [ __ ] so what does that mean I think JY need to go to the studio and drop a this song against toad right now you need to F back as soon as possible because if you don't this could be the end of your career you can lose all the money the [ __ ] the clothes the hoes all of it as soon as possible bro Jeffy get in the studio right now make a diss track all right daddy let me get my cat piano let's go jeffo money get it get it likes green beans I'm going P jammies who was that yo Jeffy it's toad let's sett this beef meet me under the street light outside all right [Music] to where's he [Music] [Applause] at breaking news rapper J V has been shot multiple times by his rival toad sad day in America oh my God Jeffy I can't believe you got shot D it hurts but but I'm like Tupac you're not like Tupac cuz you're not going to die you're more like 50 Cent you just got shot but you're going to be fine JP JP you all son he just got shot he's not doing all right wait wait he got shot yes by toad oh damn his rap career over with now what what it is yeah he got shot man he the one that got shot it's over with you ain't going to have no more money no more hoes nothing no more hoes nothing wait well the money got to us I should have never let this happen I'm out here I'm out though I should have chose my my son instead of the money yeah yeah the r game's pretty tough sorry yeah I'm so sorry about this Jeffy I should have never let you do it hey Doc can you take a look at one more thing uh yeah sure my uh my pee PE looks like a flute hey Dad oh Jeffy your breath smells bad daddy did you know that kitty cats leave little chocolate candies in the litter box you just have to dig around and find them e Jeffy Jeffy that's disgusting Jeff did you ate poop no I didn't Daddy poop goes in the toilet little chocolate candies go in the L box so you have to dig them out like treasure Jeffy that means you Ain poop that's disgusting Jeffy that's why your breast smells so bad wait do we even have a cat what eat the meat the pumpkin what well Mr pumpkin needs to go we've had him for a while Mario all right Jeffy look you're going to eat all these daddy you tweaking no they're Tic Tacs Jeffy dad is this what all the rappers are talking about how they tweaking hard no no Jimmy these are Tic Tacs you eat them they make your breath smell good okay so go eat all these all right daddy e Jeffy it smells bad oh his breath smells like poop it really does so what are we doing Junior well I went to the Dollar Store and I found these cool things they're capsules and when you stick them in the water they can grow cows so you can have another mom yeah Junior you must be really bored if you think this is going to be fun Cody I did not know this is where animals come from this is so awesome it's not where animals come from Junior these are just sponges so look Cody don't you want two moms like we can grow as many moms as you want well I do wish everything could get bigger when you dip it in water cuz I could use a few inches I'd be dunking that thing I'm open this up and we can try to find one with a cow all right Cody what color capsule should we use to get your mom well if you if you want a cow you should use a yellow one since there's a yellow cow in the picture wow you want two moms so badly you did all that math what math there's a picture right there all right Cody let's do this what Junior it's just the last time this was happening your mom was born junior just put it in the glass oh put it in my glass daddy nothing's happening you have to give it a few minutes he hey Junior oh hey Jeffy what's going on see my daddy's making me eat these Tic Tacs because he hates me that's gross yeah can I have one your Tic Tacs oh these aren't Tic Tacs they're little capsules with animals in it and if you put it in water it grows so you should try it oh okay M waa Cody it's a cow it's your mom yeah there she is wait that that's what she looked like when she was a baby Junior can we just do something else moo moo it's first words moo mom yeah I see it wow okay so let's just leave your mom alone let's let her grow so CU she know she's going to get huge hey Daddy Jeffy did you eat the Tik Tock let me smell your breath Jeffy that's disgusting well you wanted to smell my breath Daddy and I didn't even eat the Tic Tacs well you didn't eat the Tic Tacs well I had one Tic Tac but then I ate more kitty cat chocolates Jeffy let me see the Tic Tacs all right go right here B there you go it's not even open you didn't eat any of them well I had one Tic Tac from my friend from your friend what what Tic Tac from your friend oh well here's the packaging right here Magic Grow capsules Mario you need one of those grows into animals it says not a food product Jeffy you're not supposed to eat this it says do not place in mouth or swallow Rosalina have you been reading this Jeffy you have to spit that out and throw it up because because it might be poisonous so throw up all right Daddy I'll try I tried throwing up like a kitty cat since Jeffy you said you didn't throw up now I have to call a doctor cuz you might be poisoned from this Magic Grow capsule let me call a doctor hey there somebody call a doctor yes doctor my son swallowed something and I don't know if it's poisonous oh no did he swallow a rattlesnake cuz that wouldn't be poisonous that' be venomous there's a difference why would he swallow a rattlesnake I don't know but did he no oh he swallowed one of these Magic Grow capsules oh yeah that makes way more sense than swallowing a rattlesnake he did not swallow a rattlesnake look look is this poisonous or not it's not venomous I can tell you that it's it poisonous well I don't know what's the box say it says do not place in mouth or swallow has my wife been reading that I already made that joke oh lame so what's going to happen to Jeffy if he swallowed one of these well I don't know I guess we'll just find out what animal he swallowed when he poops it out I hope he swallowed a sheep cuz that would be bad you get it I said bad you know cuz sheeps they go they go B yeah yeah I get it I I get it so so you don't think it's poisonous you think he's going to be okay yeah I mean I guess um I've also been eating cat poop okay now that that that that is actually bad for you don't do that yeah yeah tell them no no no cat poop well they look like Ferrera rochet like where they're crunchy on the outside but creamy in the middle I don't know what that is I know what that is they're good okay well look look so so I will call you if things get worse but you don't think anything bad's can to happen no I think he'll be fine all right so Mario do you think Jeffy is going to be okay well nothing's happened to him yet so I think we're going to be fine what's wrong daddy uh uh you're a sheep oh no roselina this is bad what are we going to do I'm so scared today I'm going to sheep my pants Jeffy is that really you or you pulling the wool over our eyes we have to call the doctor back ow hey Danny you should spank my fluffy cheeks let me call the doctor hey there you know I don't even go home I just wait out in my car cuz I know you're going to call me again I'm sorry that's fine guess ain't cheap but next time I'll just sit in your living room and then go through your pantry and get a snack of something well you won't believe what happened Jeffy turned into a sheep isn't that bad yeah that's bull crap no no it happened like he really did turn into a sheep what no people don't just turn into animals because they eat a magic growing sponge well but you were right like he ate this the Sheep one and he turned into a sheep what do you think it was born yesterday you think I'm actually going to believe that it actually did happen like Jeffy talk Jeffy talk no no no seriously it's my son he he he can talk he has the helmet you see all right hold on let me get my cop outfit on before I accuse you of anything wait what all right here's what I think happened I think you wanted to get rid of your son like so you went to the store and you bought those magical sponge growing tablets and then he ate one and then you called me because you thought he was going to because you thought I wanted hold on hold on I'm confused there there was a mollusk and a sea cucumber wa what I'm sorry I watched Finding Nemo earlier let's let's restart you wanted to get rid of your son so you did it and then you replaced him with a sheep and you put a helmet on the sheep cuz you thought no one would notice why would I do that well because it's easier to take care of a sheep than to take care of your son that is the stupidest thing I ever heard of that's actually my son he turned into a sheep and I'll prove it Jeffy talk Jeffy talk hold on just give me a second Jeffy I swear to God if you don't talk I'm taking away all your toys but Daddy you got to buy me the PlayStation 5 and then I'll talk what buy me the PlayStation 5 or I'm going to keep going I'll buy for you next month I'll buy for you next week shut up you're yelling shut up at a sheep no it's not a sheep it's my son I promise it's my son look like he has the blue helmet well yeah anybody could put a helmet on a sheep he'll say his name Jeffy say your name just say your name sheep what sheep look look look that's clearly my son because sheeps don't say sheep of course they do they're like Pokemon come on they say their own name all the time no they don't look this is my son I don't want to get rid of my son if I want to get rid of him I would just get rid of him so you really expect me to believe that your son ate a sponge and now now he's a sheep or something yes that's exactly what happened I'm not crazy he he says that he'll talk if I get him a PlayStation 5 do you hear yourself you sound delusional it's true this is my son that's really him I would not get rid of him you are insane I mean do you have anybody who could back up your crazy story oh oh oh baby uh-huh yeah didn't Jeffy turn into a sheep oh yeah uh-huh he's he's telling the truth where is she I think she's doing her nails in the closet what look look that's my son Jeffy look that's him right there okay I'm not buying this and I don't know what kind of insurance fraud thing you're trying to run here so I'm going to go and I'm going to get a warrant for your arrest and if you don't have your son here when I get back you're going to jail what hey Mario what's going on baby I might go to jail H now it's your turn no no no no look the cop thinks that I got rid of Jeffy and replace them with a sheep well that's preposterous you shut up oh hi my name is Jeffy is that what you wanted me to say daddy you happy I'm going to kill him I'm going to kill him help help just do that when the cop gets back okay Daddy when the cop get you back on Yo help shut shut there's only one person that I know that can fix all this because Jeffy has to be a human by the time the cop gets back who's that Mario hold on let me God why do you hate me you complain a lot I'm so glad you're here look I have a huge problem yeah you always do and I need you to fix it mhm okay so look my son turned into a sheep well that is different yeah so so so the cops think you know I got rid of them oh oh bro bro hold on I have to stop you for one second I got to tell you a story oh man this one time I was playing truth or dare with this guy named Abraham and I dared him to sacrifice his son and the crazy dude almost did it really oh yeah like he was ready to do it like he had him on the table and everything everything and I was like at the last minute I had to be like bro bro bro stop stop it's just a game you know like you could pass you could pick truth you don't really have to do it but he was just too ready to sacrifice his son like he was thinking about it before I told him to you know guy's crazy yeah he should be in jail you can't do that must have been a long awkward walk home you know Dad were you really going to sacrifice me yeah why cuz God told me to if God told you to jump off a bridge would you do that I bet he would gu nuts I should D to jump off a bridge wonder what he's doing right now okay so can you can you fix my problem though no no I can't keep helping you with every single problem you have oh okay you don't have to help me with any other problem just this one because I can go to jail well okay I'm going to be honest with you I can only answer three prayers a day only three yeah and one of them always goes to Tom Brady what like always oh yeah I mean how else do you think he has a super model wife and all that money and he's won all those Super Bowls but he's lost Super Bowl yeah but I ran out of prayers that day I already used them all up oh so so did you have any more prayers left for today nope I already used all three what' you use them all on well uh this one guy uh prayed that he left his cop outfit in his car so he didn't have to drive all the way back home so I did that one and then let's see there was this kid who wished that he had a dollar so that he could buy these little like magic growing sponge capsules and then this one kid wished for a remote control sheep for some reason well so so so you can't turn my son back to a human no no sorry what are you good for well we could just like hang out you know just like watch some TV oh oh I can walk on water you want to see that oh I want to see oh come on yeah show you what am I going to do all right I got the warrant you're under arrest no no no please please please give me more time let's see if Jeffy will talk Jeffy talk hey Jeffy say your name please say your name Jeffy please oh man your batter's died Jeffy what what's going on oh I had a remote control sheep and the batteries died so I couldn't talk look officer look jeffy's alive see look he he's alive huh yeah I guess it looks like I was wrong well you know what they say a broken clock is wrong twice a day wait wait no no no no it's a broken clock is right twice a day Broken Clock is wrong most of the time I'm a broken clock because I'm only sometimes right yeah you don't want to have a broken clock you know cuz you take the L away you have a really bad marriage your wife will not be happy anyway sorry about that what Jeffy where did you get this remote control sheet from well I went in my room and I said please God give me a remote control sheep so I can ask my daddy for a PlayStation 5 and poof there it was hold still daddy hold still Danny I said hold still I've been holding still and done it's a masterpiece I present to you Daddy RH a Jeffy that's such a good drawing of Marvin I mean it's a good drawing in my face not really my body I will now draw Mommy's face on his silver bag gorilla making sweet love to a squirrel morvin look the news breaking news the police station is looking for a sketch artist and is willing to pay $250,000 a year so if you're good at drawing come down to the police department $250,000 a year to draw pictures Marvin Jeffy could do that job he's great at drawing people um sorry to interrupt mommy but if you were to have a Wier how big would it be what actually I should probably draw a Silverback Gorilla's Wier to keep the theme going I wonder how big they are should I Google it I'm going Google it Jeffy do you want to draw pictures for the cops for $250,000 a year that's crazy I know it's so much money just to draw pictures a silver B gorilla's Wier is only 3 to 6 cm long that means my Wier is barely bigger than the Silver B gorillas because I clocked mine at 6 and 12 CM Jeffy huh look do you want to drw pictures for the cops more kind of pictures all you'd have to do is draw pictures of people without animal bodies just normal people and they'll pay you $250 ,000 a year all right Daddy but first let me add the 3 to 6 cm hog to this gorilla no no Hogs Jeffy listen I need you to draw a picture of just me so we can show the cops how good you are okay Daddy but this squirrel was about to get the business all right look just draw a normal picture of me with my clothes on okay all right daddy squirrel humping or no squirrel humping no squirrel humping just a picture of me mhm and done what do you think about that Daddy pretty lame if you ask me I could have given you some UTS or sto that looks so good Jeffy yes Jeffy this exactly what the cops are going to want you to draw every single time every time yeah just normal people no animals just like that just like this just like that okay I got it Daddy locked in my brain all right let's go down to the cop office and show them that drawing the police station that that's what I said no you said cop office cop office police station it's the same thing look let's go down to the police station and show them the drawing come on so uh this is my drawing of a bad guy what do you think it's pretty good right it's crap oh man oh God these people suck next person Jeffy get in here I'm nervous Jeffy come on all right Mr Chief this is my son Jeffy he's really good at drawing look at the drawing he did of me well that's pretty good he even colors him too that'll come in handy okay he's hired wait he's hired already yeah we're pretty desperate for sketch artists Jeffy you got the job yay so when does he start right now oh oh wow well all right Jeffy just do your job and come home when you're done all right NY all right Jeffy sit right there and use this sketch pad to draw the suspect based on the victim's description send in the victims okay Jeffy I have the first victim here ma'am tell them what happened all right I'm ready well there was a man with a big old cowboy hat on and he lassoed Me Up Tied me to the train track so the train would run me over and kill me cowboy hat huh yes a big cowboy hat all right I think I got him is this your man um well he has the cowboy hat on I I guess that's him ma'am if you're telling me that's who attacked you I know where that guy is I can arrest him yes that's him okay I'll go get him baby Jeffy got the job he did yes the police chief loved jeffy's drawing of me that's amazing Marvin I know I love that Jeffy actually got a job that's something he's good at and he's going to make a lot of money let's just hope Jeffy doesn't mess this up freeze Marvin you're under arrest for what for attempted murder and kidnapping what are you talking about oh don't pretend like you didn't just tie a woman to railroad tracks like you're in some kind of western movie I didn't yeah well we have all the proof we need let's let the judge decide Marvin how could you order order order order order today we will been hearing the case of a most brutal crime Marvin you are being accused of lassoing a woman like a cowboy tying her up and then placing her on the railroad tracks in hope that she would be run over by its Trin how do you plead not guilty H not guilty you say very interesting well I suppose I'll let you go if you can explain this this drawing that are professional and very overpaid sketch artist made of the suspect based on the victim's description H explain it that's a drawing my son made he's the police sketch artist and he made a mistake and Drew me well Marvin based on this sketch looking exactly like you and there being no other evidence brought into court today I have no choice but to find you guilty and sentence you to 30 days in the county jail and and boom goes the dynamite guilty but I didn't do anything I didn't do it I didn't do it let go get in there you please let me out I didn't do anything wrong yeah yeah I hear that all the time I'm not guilty you saw that sketch it was spot on it looked just like you listen my son is the sketch artist and he accidentally drew a picture of me no no no your son knows he'd get fired if he drew a sketch of the wrong person he should be fired he drew me look just because your son tattle tailed on you doesn't mean you're getting out of this listen please I don't want to be in prison no you should just do your 30 days and be happy that you only got 30 days for trying to kill a lady with a train that's brutal I did not do that look don't do the crime if you can't do the time the time is what you should think about before you do the crime crime doing equals time doing hard crimes gets you hard times the the time is what happens when you do crime don't don't do the crime because you should think about the time before you do the the crime okay look I'm just going to go no please let me out of here I can't spend 30 days in here all all right Jeffy good job on that last one here's your next victim ma'am tell them what happened so I were cleaning the house with wind EGS but when I go to grab the Windex I realized we are out of Windex so I go downstairs to grab some Lemon Pledge and then I see this man climbing through the window with a Santa hat and he trying to steal things and shut him in his F Santa Claus hat huh see see Santa CLA hat and a big Shack yeah see see all right I think I got him is this your man see see that's my momaha oh no not Marvin again how was your 30 days in jail Marvin I was false imprisoned well the judge convicted you so obviously there was enough evidence no baby listen jeffy's a sketch artist and for some reason he drew a picture of me wearing a cowboy hat and they arrested me based on jeffy's Photo oh no Marvin we have to fix that so it doesn't happen again you're right I'm going to call the cops and explain what happened freeze Marvin you're exactly who I want to talk to you're under arrest for what don't pretend like you didn't impersonate Sant Claus and break into someone's house and try to be the Grinch what don't what me mister you're going to jail Marvin how come you order order order order order Marvin I am very disappointed to see your face in my courtroom again did those 30 days teach you nothing I didn't do anything well we'll see about that won't we you are being accused of breaking into a house dressed like San Claws and instead of leaving jolly good gifts for the little boys and girls stealing their valuables how do you plea against this grining not guilty very cute too bad I have this a drawing of you dressed like Santa Claus based on the victim's description 60 days in the county jail 60 days come on I didn't do anything no have fun in there listen I didn't do anything I promise oh you promise yes oh well in that case I guess I'll let you out wait really no you idiot I'm not stupid I have a GED I wasn't born yesterday listen I don't want to spend 2 months in jail okay Jeffy you've been doing a great job so far thanks okay here's your next victim tell them what happened dolphin well I was just riding my Harley and then I pulled into a gas station to get some Hubba Bubba chewing gum and some white powdered Donuts cuz I really like those and I left my keys in my Harley because I didn't think anyone had the balls to try to steal it from me but then I look out the window and I see this guy wearing sunglasses and he jumped on my heart and just drove off with it I didn't really get a chance to see what he looked like this him oh yeah that's definitely him I know those sunglasses anywhere oh damn it kill me Marvin you deserve those 60 days in jail if you really did try to impersonate Santa Claus just to steal baby are you kidding me I'm not actually doing these crimes I've been next to you the whole time it's because jeffy's a sketch artist and he keeps drawing me as all these criminals and it's the only evidence the judge has so he keeps arresting me oh no Marvin we have to fix that in case it happens again I know so if they keep arresting me then you got to tell them it's Jeffy doing fake drawings free Marvin you're under arrest what for what for stealing a dolphin's motorcycle what well you did it Marvin how could you order order order order order Marvin why am I seeing your face in my courtroom again did 60 days in jail not teach you your lesson what do I have to do to rehabilitate you I didn't do it I didn't do it I didn't do it I didn't do it Mar sound like a broken record if you did not do it then explain this that's a drawing my son did he keeps drawing me morvin this is the face of a hardened criminal someone with no remorse look at you with your sunglasses you must think you're a real cool dude especially because you stole a motorcycle from a dolphin you did it on purpose why would a dolphin be driving a motorcycle I don't know Marvin it's not not my job to understand seaa animals and their means of transportation it is my job to convict criminals like you and you've been on quite a Crim spree lately so based on this drawing and the complete lack of remorse on his face I sentence you to 90 days in jail and for every crime you commit from now on we will increase your sentence by 6 months to hopefully teach you a lesson go 90 days I can't do it I I can't do how can you convict over a drawing you must really like it in here listen I really don't I have one question for you okay you're falsely imprisoning me so that means the real people that are doing those crimes are out there causing more crimes oh I have a feeling that the real criminal is right here in the cell that's you you you're my little criminal yes you are hey no biting I hate it in here okay Jeffy here's your next victim ma'am tell him what happened well I didn't see what the guy looked like but here's what happened I was walking to the grocery store to buy Tamp 's heavy flow and then all of a sudden this man walked up to me and he smacked me in the face with a chicken and he stole my purse hold it right there ma'am is this him oh oh yeah I mean I didn't see what he looked like but that rubber chicken is very familiar oh no hey Marvin did you enjoy those 90 days in jail Marvin it was a lonely 3 months for me listen I was the one that was in jail for 3 months I'm the one that was lonely I'm looking out for the cops I don't have much time cuz they're going to arrest me again I just know it listen this what I want you to do go to the police station and just tell Jeffy to stop drawing please just tell him to stop drawing you're under arrest no let me finish explaining to her no no no you beat a woman with a rubber chicken and you stole the purse what come on no go to go to the police station please Marvin you monster Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin oh Marvin poor Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin oh Marvin Marvin what really Marvin a salt with a rubber chicken to steal a woman's purse I just don't know what to do with you Marvin I gave you 30 days in jail it was a cakewalk 60 days big whoop 90 days that's a week in Marvin's World let me ask you a question Marvin do you enjoy jail do you have have a good time in jail is jail fun let me check hold on Marvin let me see how jail is give me a second here oh I'm Marvin I love being in jail jail is so much fun I wish I could stay here forever is that you Marvin is that what you say in jail to all of your jail buddies answer me Marvin answer me when I'm speaking to you no I don't like jail could have fooled me Marvin could have fooled me you know what Marvin I'm going to drop the ball one year in jail no make it two 10 it doesn't matter it's all the same to Marvin he loves jail you know what Marvin I'm going to do a little reverse psychology here 10 minutes in jail because apparently you love it so much that being there is a reward but I better not see you back in my courtroom again 10 minutes only 10 minutes come on thank you I'm not even going to close the door I'm not going to lock it I think you get off on that you sick freak what what 10 minutes I can leave okay Jeffy I'm really mad about this one somebody robbed my wife honey tell them what happened okay there was a little redhead girl who was selling Girl Scout cookies so I gave her $100 and she ran away with my change and didn't give me my cookies I'm sorry were you saying something yes that was a girl scout oh I think I got that part is this her yes yes that's her I recognize the best and my cookies oh Marvin baby that was only 10 minutes Marvin please oh no come on that's [ __ ] come on stealing Girl Scout cookies that's horrible uh judge are you okay I think he's really mad yeah I think so Marvin here we are again Marvin just me and you another crime you're guilty another drawing it's you see Marvin I just couldn't figure you out but now I think I finally have it wasn't jail that you loved so much it was me you're in love with me that's why you keep doing these crimes so that you can come here and see me well Marvin since you're in love with me I can no longer preside over your trials so my final sentence to you is a life sentence I am sending you to alcatra Island yes that's right Marvin we opened it up just for you your own little playground where you can do your crimes away from civilized society and if you try to escape there are shark infested waters so you will spend the rest of your life at Alcatraz I will give you 5 minutes to say goodbye to your family BFF go with him a life sentence let's go say bye to your family all right make it quick that was fast Marvin yeah not really he's going to be spending the rest of his life on Alcatraz whereas we're going to call it Marvin T what listen baby there's one favorite I need from you just one he's in love with the judge all right everyone just shush please everyone just listen to me please all right you know my son Jeffy was hired as the new sketch artist at the cop office cop office police station oh yeah yeah he's pretty good all right do you notice that all of his drawings look like me well yeah cuz you did all the crimes no no I didn't listen please just do me one favor I'll go to alcatra for the rest of my life just do me one favor go up to Jeffy and describe a criminal that looks nothing like me like different skin color completely different looks and see what the drawing looks like H okay I'll try it okay Jeffy this time I'm going to describe someone to you and I need you to draw them all right what do you got for me why why have you already started drawing I haven't described him yet keep going okay well he's a really large black man with one eye and he's in a wheelchair and he has 11 scars on his face all right I think I got him is this him oh no oh no no no no no well well well Marvin it appears there's been a huge misunder understanding and to make up for all of that jail time where you were falsely imprisoned we are willing to offer you this small chocolate Frosty from Wendy's it was going to be my lunch but I am now offering it to you here take it go on take it before I change my mind all I get is a frosty well I suppose I'll eat it myself self then court adjourned Marvin I'm so sorry that happened to you yeah Marvin I feel really bad I probably should have put that together like how are you doing those crimes if you were already in jail I'm not apologizing it's 100% your fault what because you said to make every drawing look just like this and I clarified I said just like this and you said just like that and you said every time so every time I made the drawing look just like this this is your fault you did say that Marvin oh I'm so sorry I forgot jeffy's an idiot come give me a hug Jeffy I'll forgive you really D yeah come here come here hey no hitting no hit stop it ow I should probably arrest you for that he's 18 okay hey so guys you ready to watch the WWE fight tonight yeah hell yeah Bone Crusher is going to fight Jeffrey the giraffe wait Jeffrey the giraffe from Toys R R Us yeah oh Jeffrey's going to get his ass beat dude well I'm going to go for Jeffrey well I want Bone Crusher to win he always wins yeah he crushes bones dude well let's turn on so we can watch hello and welcome to the WWE Championship today it's Bone Crusher versus Jeffrey the giraffe woo let's go Jeffrey come on Jeffrey let's go Bone Crusher Crush Them Bones the winner gets this championship belt let the fight begin come here Jeffy a oh he's got the stool oh that's got to hurt ouch oh Bron crush is not playing today he's trying to crush his skore with a stool I got something special for you Jeffrey are you ready for the bone [Applause] crushing bone Crushers opened up a can of whoopass help help where you think you're going come back here where you going time for the dragon bro oh I think he's done 1 2 three it's over bone crushing is the champion I told you I could go I told you I would win Crusher win yay I told you Bone Crusher was going to beat Jeffrey oh poor Jeffrey it's just not fair Bone Crusher is too good he's undefeated well I could beat him no you couldn't yes I could it be easy well there's no way they'll ever let some stupid kid verse Bone Crusher yeah hey kids have you ever wanted to fight Bone Crusher I sure what is well we're having a charity event with the Mana food bank and whoever can donate the most cans of food gets a can of whoop ass in the ring with Bone Crusher damn right so donate as many cans of food as you can today oh my God Jeffy look there's a chance you can fight Bone Crusher all you have to do is donate a bunch of cans of food but I don't have a bunch of cans of food all right Jeffy it's time for dinner come on a all right guys I got to go eat dinner I'll be back okay Jeffy here's your dinner green beans I'm so grateful and we went to the store and bought you a month supply of food jeez you really shouldn't have you know I don't like green beans so I don't know why you even do it at this point it's child abuse yeah Marvin why do you keep giving him green beans because they're good for him false this sodium in here is 380 mg which is enough to put me in cardiac arrest before my 21st birthday Jeffy just shut up and eat them come on baby let's go you only buy these so they end up on the floor so let's start with that wow that is a lot of can of food I could turn those in and fight Bone Crusher that's what I'm going to do guys check out all these can to food wow Jeffy that's so many green beans I bet if you donated all those green beans they'd let you fight Bone Crusher and that's exactly what I'm going to do and lose I'm not going to lose I think you guys are underestimating my R strength well wait how do we donate those cans like where do we go well I'll just call up the WWE Association and tell them to come get their beans hey there there I'm Steve stalberger I represent the WWE why'd you call me cuz I wanted to turn in all these can of green beans to fight Bone Crusher holy moly that's a lot of cans you win you get to fight Bone Crusher wait he wins no one else donated cans no nobody else donated cans cuz they don't want to fight Bone Crusher they don't want to die well I'm going to win okay whatever you say kid as long as you sign all the waivers now I'm going to collect all these cans just hold on let me go pop my trunk wow Jeffy you get to fight Bone Crusher are you nervous no cuz I know I'm going to win oh make room he has to get the cans so what's your wrestling name going to be my what your wrestling name you need a scary wrestling name like Bone Crusher he has a scary name yeah um mine could be poopy diaper well it's not very intimidating well it is when there's a grumpy on my diaper dude it has to be something cool yeah something scary yeah like heart disease that's not scary Cody well it's the number one cause of death in America well how about something like the big bad wolf and you dress up like a wolf and then you can say I'm going to Huff and I'm a puff and I'm going to beat your ass oo let's F dude okay yeah Jeffy so go dress up like a wolf and then go fight him I promise you you'll be scary all right hello and welcome to another WWE World Championship tonight Bone Crusher has decided to donate his belt to whoever wins so in this corner we have Bone Crusher your bones are going to get crushed today and in this corner the Big Bad Wolf I'm going to huff and puff and knock your ass out okay let the fight begin you ready to die kid I'm me kick your ass get off me you know who I am I'm bone okay that's it no more going easy on you all right you ready oh Jeffy use the stool okay that kid's going to die okay oh bonked him with the claw hammer I don't know if that's legal folks all right he's going to die screw this kid stop you know this is off for show right it's wrestling it's fake you're going a little too hard you're actually starting to hurt me you're not going to trick me Bone Crusher kid stop oh he used the chair this might be over early folks uh hey man do you want me to stop this cuz he's kicking your ass oh oh from the top of the ropes that's got to hurt listen kid just pick up my leg and tap me out it's over you win and you kick me in the face I'm not falling for that Bone Crusher where's he going someone tell me where he's going where's he going oh my God dear Lord he has the ladder are you ready to die [ __ ] no please please don't do it no one 2 3 he's dead the big bad wolf wins the winner by murder the big bad wall yeah I told those three little pigs that I would win wow Jeffy wasn't lying he really kicked bone crusher's ass like he killed him hey guys check out my new belt I got that W Jeffy why didd you go so hard you killed the guy well he was asking for it you do know wrestling's fake right oh I didn't know that but the new freaking news Okay Bone Crusher a famous wrestler has died his funeral will be held tonight for anyone who wants to attend oh wow he's actually dead I thought maybe he was faking it no I felt his neck snap oh man not my favorite wrestlers Dead Oh RP Bone Crusher wow Jeffy good going you killed Jose's favorite wrestler well I didn't mean to we should go to his funeral yeah let's go to Bone crusher's [Music] funeral oh maning Grace how sweet the sound that [Music] Sav like me dearly beloved we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our beloved Bone Crusher whose bones were ironically crushed in his last wrestling match would anyone like to say anything before we bury him 6 Feet Under there's something I want to say there is one thing I would like to say about Bone Crusher I don't believe he's dead oh dear God the horror the horror oh my God Jesus dude stop Jeffy stop it oh God morvin Jeffy ate all his green beans he really did yes he ate every can every can Jeffy wouldn't eat that much Jeffy get in here hey there your son's under arrest for what well he killed a guy and then beat him the guy's corpse at the funeral Jeffy why would you do that oh he actually committed a whole alphabet list of crimes here I'll name them off for you A is for aggravated assault B is for beating a corpse C is for choking a corpse D is for defiling the dead e is for extortion because he called the guy's parents afterward and then asked for money or else he'd kill them F is for felonious activity because I'm pretty sure what he did is a felony G is for grave robbing H is for hate crime because Bone Crusher had a little bit of black on him but he's also a skeleton so I don't really know how that works I is for ignoring ing the law J is for jaywalking because when I tried to arrest him he crossed the street but he didn't use a crosswalk K is for killing L is for Larsen and I don't know what that means but it sounds bad M is for murder n is for neglect O is for oh my God how could you do that to a corpse P is for personal injury Q is for quite ridiculous what he did R is for resisting arrest s is for strangulation T is for threatening because he threaten me when I tried to arrest him U is for under the influence because he must be cuz why else would he do that V is for violence W is for why would anyone do that X is for xylophone because he played the guy's ribs like a xylophone Y is for why would you do that again why would anyone do that and Z is for zebra stripes because he's going to be wearing black and white stripes when he's in jail chiffy why would you do all those things because I got this shiny belt for beating up Bone Crusher wa Is that real yep I've always wanted a WWE belt H okay I'll tell you what I I will drop all these charges if you give me that belt but I W this fair and square Jeffy give him the damn belt okay oh this is going to be so cool I'm like a wrestler here take it oh sweet Jeffy I cannot believe you did all that but you got really lucky that he wanted your stupid belt now I have one more question did you really eat all your green beans did you check the floor oh you goober Jeffy get in here what do you want you have a package from your Aunt Ernestine who's that she was your aunt Jeffy and she died 2 days ago [ __ ] while shipping you this package jeez and it's been out outside for 2 days so you should open it all right here I go she got me a puppy he's been outside for 2 days with no water in a hot box Marvin we need to call a vet I'll go get the vet hey there somebody call a doctor yes doctor we really need your help wait what's with that button oh the Gay Pride button yeah if I wear this and the hospital thinks I'm gay and they don't make me do male physicals cuz they think I'm going to like it too much which is fine cuz I don't like touching balls and I get to be a gynecologist and not wear any gloves and then afterwards I can suck my fingers like I got done eating baby back ribs I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back chilies baby bag ribs barbecue sauce anyway what do you need so his aunt Ernestine died well I'm sorry to hear that but if she's already dead I can't help her oh no we need a vet why do you need a vet for his dead ant no I need a vet for this dog why did you mention ant Ernestine it's part of the story well skip the story and tell me about the dog okay so this dog was shipped here 2 days ago in that box and that box is outside in the hot sun you left your package outside for 2 days no it was in jeffy's name so we didn't know if we could open it or not well did you give the dog any water we didn't know if we could give him water well of course you can give a dog water and you should feed it too baby write that down okay I got it it's a miracle this dog's even still alive if if it survives you should name it Miracle well I was going to name it wind Dixie why would you name it wind Dixie you didn't find it in a wind Dixie that doesn't make sense he looks like a wind Dixie he doesn't look anything like the dog in that movie well I'm still naming him wind Dixie all right it's your dog but just give wind Dixie some water all right Jeffy we don't have any water here so take him to the gas station and give him water okay come on wind dii so then I tell the guy fine I will take my business elsewhere holy [ __ ] do you have any look PT Cruiser 2007 oh my God you're right it's a p Cruiser 2007 I tell you all the time I always want P Cruiser 2007 ask him if he'll sell it to you oh great ideal nice carore thanks P Cruiser 2007 how much she's not for sale kute dog I love dogs what what did did little [ __ ] me hey sorry about my friend you have a nice day sir you too all right Daddy I just got wind Dixie some water all right drink the water drink the water Jeffy you need to put it in a bowl no he can learn to drink out of his straw or he'll have nothing at all good boy all right Jeffy me and Mommy are going to go watch a movie tonight are you going to be safe home alone yeah I think me and wind you're just going to go to bed all right good night Jeffy come on baby let's go to the movies all right come on wind Dixie all right wind Dixie it's time to go to bed but first what's wrong Wind diie You couldn't possibly want the bone that I chew on every night before bed you do all right well go get it why it do that all right wind DIY good night [Music] look brother the B Cruiser 2007 from the jerk off at the gas station he wouldn't sell it to you I said we take it with pleasure you ready let's go beit that mother heer a lesson that PT Cruiser 2007 is mine all yours soon you will be mine my baby brother we're going to the break in by posting the door down why not just open door with door code what do you think the code is what year is PT Cruiser 2007 oh wow it was 2007 all right we're in time to find kyss to PT Cruiser 2007 and get out but bro it could be anywhere in here well we better start looking looking keys are not under the table keys are not under chair either oh look brother it's cute dog from gas station little dog we're a kid to P Cruiser what do you mean what year 2007th obviously his best Year brother kill this mut okay brother he one more time wind Dixie good that stupid m is dead wind Dixie brother what are you doing kill this stupid bre okay where is P Cruiser KY yeah where is it tell us if you want to live I already kill stupid [ __ ] bro look over there on kre holy [ __ ] k p Cruiser 2007 let's get out of here you [ __ ] look brother we did it PT Cruiser 2007 his dream come true and it drives better than I thought it would let's take it back to shop du Marvin I can't believe you made me watch a movie about a bomb I thought opener was going to be the sequel to Pinocchio what oh my God Jeffy Jeffy are you okay oh my God Marvin someone beat him up and someone killed his dog Marvin call the doctor call the cops call somebody okay heyo somebody call a doctor yes doctor someone beat up our son wait more buttons oh yeah see I found out June is gay pride month and if you're gay you get that month off and I really want June off next year so I told Henry and HR that I was gay but he didn't believe me so then I kissed Julio the janitor in front of him to prove it but then he caught me brushing my teeth and throwing up immediately after so I decided to wear all these pins to hopefully convince Henry I like knob anyway what's going on with you guys the dog is dead I told you to give it water no someone beat him to death oh I didn't know you guys were friends with Michael Vic hey can you get me his autograph no no like someone random beat him up and someone beat up Jeffy too oh wow what happened they killed my dog and stole my car huh that reminds me of the time somebody killed my dog and stole my car wait that happened oh yeah let me tell tell you about it so back in the day I had a wife and then she died it's not really clear how she died like I guess she had cancer or something I'm not really sure but what matters is that she died and then after she died she gave me a puppy not like she came back as a zombie or a ghost and gave me a puppy she just like had it delivered after she died I'm not really sure how she arranged that but what matters is that I had this dog okay so then I go to the gas station in my 1969 Mustang and it's a really nice car and then these two Russian gangsters there and they tell me how much they like my car and they want to buy it from me and I tell them it's not for sale cuz I like it too much and that pisses them off so later they come over to my house and they beat me up and they kill my dog and they steal my car and now I'm really pissed off and what they don't know is that I'm a legendary Hitman and nobody's supposed to mess with me so I want revenge also I'm friends with the Green Goblin like he's not literally the Green Goblin he's the actor that played the Green Goblin William the foe but the whole time you're watching it you're like that's the Green Goblin so I get revenge on these guys right and I shoot a bunch of people and I kill all of them and I get a new dog and then my daughter calls me and she's on vacation in France with her friends and we're talking on the phone and she's telling me how it's going and then she gets kidnapped while she's on the phone with me and then I get on the phone with the kidnapper and I tell them how scary I am and how I'm going to track him down and he doesn't really seem to care so then I fly over to France and then I kill him and find my daughter and then on the flight home I find out that my plane is full of snakes and I have had it I am sick and tired of these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane and then I'm a fish working at the whale Wash and I want to be famous and I also owe a bunch of money to this puffer fish and his jellyfish henchmen so I decide to pretend that I killed a shark and then everybody loves me and they think I can protect them from sharks and then real sharks show up and then after that I fell asleep so I don't really know what happens also I was voiced by Will Smith oh wait a minute yeah none of that actually happened to me those were all movies I saw recently but still you should get revenge Jeffy cuz what they did was messed up you're right I'm going to kill them all be careful Jeffy oh and then I was a little red crab and my friend was a mermaid who wanted to be able to [Music] walk hey boss you like wa is this a 2007 PT Cruiser sure is p Cruiser 2007 classic wait where'd you get this car from some jerk off at gas station I killed his dog wait did his face look like this yeah pretty much you idiot you killed Jeffy Wick's dog and you stole his car uh what's big deal what's big deal I'll tell you what big deal is Jeffy Wick is the most gruesome Hitman in the world he once killed the man with the pencil in his nose no I'm not scared well you should be okay I'm a little more scared now I'm going to call my Dead come on Father pick up cellular device hello son hello Daddy how is your day going well people keep telling me I screw up what did you do this time I steal Jeffy Wick's car and kill his dog you did what I too bad yes you did very bad I in trouble yes you're in very big trouble you going and give me spank no I don't give you spanking Jeffy Wick give you spanking with gun no I beat [ __ ] out of Jeffy Wick hey [ __ ] no he's going to kill you not if I kill him first good luck I don't need luck I ha baseball bit brother come we going and kill Jeffy Wick hey Jeffy Wick what are you doing here that's my car I I know it is and you can have it back I didn't send anybody to steal it they just didn't know any better will you tell them that I'm coming for them and I will kill them yeah yeah I I will I got one question for you who's [ __ ] in my diaper I don't know you correct I swear I'd never kill again but now I have to whip out my big [ __ ] goofy purple fortnite pistol to kill those two guys who killed my dog but I have to go to sleep first cuz I haven't gotten a full night's [Music] rest No More Mr Nice Guy Jeffy week come out the play they're here time to die he's upstairs you want to go first since you have gone sure where are you Jeffy holy [ __ ] you killed my brother screw this bit hey I don't miss all right I am safe here where are you you Russian piece of [ __ ] right here you American piece of [ __ ] oh no I'm out of ammo what am I to do I need somewhere to hide in here don't look in here I'm just coffee cup [ __ ] you ready to die oh come on man it was just a stupid th all right Daddy I got my revenge I'm glad Jeffy not can you take that ridiculous wig off no cuz I still got three more sequels to make you killed my son you bastard hey Daddy what this thing e Jeffy Jeffy don't touch that it smells bad where'd you find that at I found it behind the toilet well put it back what is it it's a toilet plunger what you do well when there's poop in the toilet you stick that in it why you just flush the toilet because sometimes there's too much poop in the toilet and you have to get it out with that so how do you use this you just scoop the poop out and make a poop sickle no why don't you just use a spoon or a fork or Chopstick because that would be gross Jeffy you're supposed to use that so then how do you use this you stick it in like this that's what she said no Jeffy flip it around what like this yeah and then and then you get on and you you do this oh yeah Daddy work that pole no no Jeffy look just put it back where you found it why you don't like it no Jeffy I don't like it you don't like it get it away from me I don't like [Applause] it oh I got to take a shower I got to take a shower e my face e johy put that back I'm going to go watch my face just just watch TV or something you want to smell it breaking news UK the lottery is at $100 million and the winning numbers are 15 22 25 59 61 and six good luck to whoever has that ticket hold on to it tight so it doesn't blow blow away in the wind and that takes me to the weather forecast it's going to be windy 100% chance of wind powerful enough to snatch a lottery ticket right out of your hand $100 million is a lot of money all right I'm back I just took the world's quickest shower Mario did you hear the lottery is at $100 million it doesn't matter it's RI Jeffy stop it go brush your teeth all right it doesn't matter it's rigged no one's ever going to win it anyway they do say it's the idiot's tax what's your lottery well Jeffy if you have a piece of paper with those numbers on it you win $100 million all right hold on where's my 100 million bucks no Jeffy it has to be a lottery ticket with those numbers and it has to be before they announced the numbers well how was I supposed to know what the numbers were going to be before they even announced it well you're supposed to guess well I think the next one's going to be four well Jeffy five more numbers and you might have it all right seven no Jeffy there's no point in guessing it has to be 16 Jeffy no go buy a ticket if you get 23 it doesn't matter there's not another drawing 54 the next drawing is next week do it 16 well maybe you won jein Jeffy look look it doesn't matter it does not matter the lottery you have to be 18 to play it anyway what am I supposed to do this thing go put it back behind the toilet go take out the trash do your chores well well if you want me to take out the trash then you got to come with me cuz you're trash take you out je Jeffy look go put that behind the toilet and go take out the trash and do your chores okay dadd jeffy's so annoying D go l no go I got to take another shower look something to [Music] eat toilet paper oh oh man oh man I ain't taking out the trash I want see if I can make it from right here Kobe yay I made it oh what is that let me see what it is what is this thing it's just a piece of paper with stupid numbers all over it I've already had two showers today want to make it three no hey D I just took out the trash good boy Jeffy Mario could you imagine if we won the lottery I know $100 million that would change our lives but how would we have guessed the numbers 15 22 25 59 61 and 6 wait a minute wait Jeffy where are you going Jeffy where is he where is it where's the winning ticket with the numbers on it what is this oh that's not it those aren't the winning numbers where is it where is it what's wrong Jeffy I won the lottery but I lost the ticket sure you did Jeffy yeah you and your big imagination um Danny what happens when you in the lottery you take it to the lottery office and they give you the money Jeffy where are you going he's just being stupid just sit down baby breaking news okay the winner of the $100 Million jackpot has stepped forward come on in Jeffy what Jeffy has decided that he does not want to claim the $100 million in cash but he would rather have $100 million worth of bouncy balls because he doesn't want to pay taxes what an idiot Jeffy won the lottery but he didn't take the money he took the prize and bouncy balls hey Dad you like all my bouncy balls you won the lottery you didn't take the money you took it at bouncy balls Mario what else do you expect he's just a kid he could have taken the the money and he could have changed our lives forever but Daddy I did change our lives forever we have more bouncy balls now than we ever did before what are we going to do with all these bouncy balls Jeffy boun them oh Mario I like this one Jeffy we could have been millionaires well we are millionaires we're just bouncy ball millionaires I feel all sticky and gross I I need to take a bath I need to take a bath I had two showers today but now I need to take a bath oh I hate my life I hate my life okay okay I'm just going to take a nice warm bath and hold my head under the water until I can't breathe anymore that sounds perfect yeah yeah you put bath balls in the bath look Mario I'm collecting all the purple ones that's great baby how is your bath Mario I didn't get to take a bath tell her why Jeffy cuz I put bouncy balls in your bathtub you put bouncy balls in the bathtub a that's so cute Jeffy it's not cute it's inconvenient the bathtub was full of bouny balls well then take a shower like an adult Mar he's just being creative he's not being creative he ruined my life Jeffy why did you take bouncy balls instead of the money well Danny what am I going to do with 100 million dollar put it in the bank let it collect interest what happens if the government shuts down or the stock market crashes that I lose all my money so instead I invested in something tangible see these bouncy balls this bouncy ball right here has got gold in it mhm it's going to be the next Bitcoin and when it blows up I'm going to be sitting pretty daddy I'm going to be Jeffy Bezos you are so stupid Mario he is I'm stupid who's the one that doesn't have bouncy balls you okay you know what yeah fine yeah let's just sort the bouncy balls and to different colors that sounds fun right okay Mario you can collect the blue ones yeah you already gave me blue balls today so yeah let's start collecting the blue ones oh I found another one yeah let's do that instead of having $100 million in cash let's just play with 100 million bounce balls like little kids see o look how fun this is this is fun it's fun D oh yeah yeah yay M I can't wait to heat up my pizza what all these mounty balls come from wait you know what I don't even care I'm not even going to let it bother me CU I'm not going to clean it up I'm just going to get a drink for the refrigerator all right let's see what we have to drink where are these bouny balls coming from Mario all right I'm almost done with my blue pile I have so many different piles Mario isn't this fun no hey Daddy I'm collecting giraff balls and yellow balls that's real nice Jeffy Mario what's wrong Chef peipi why are there bouncy balls in my microwave and in the refrigerator right here that's me right here Jeffy won the lottery and instead of taking the money he took them in bouncy balls that's stupid yeah and he decided to put the bouncy balls all throughout the house cuz he doesn't know where to store them at well get him out of my kitchen I'm not cleaning it up breaking news k today due to people counterfeiting and printing their own money the United States is no longer using cash as currency we will now be using bouncy balls as a new currency so if you want to buy something you have to pay for it in bouncy balls what bouncy balls can be used as money now uh actually never mind I'll clean it up well well well who's the idiot now Mario we're rich yeah we are rich actually I'm rich well I guess that's true Jeffy what do you want to buy with your millions of bouncy balls H take me to McDonald's all right grab some bouncy balls welcome to McDonald's how may I take your order Jeffy what do you want Happy Meal can we get a Happy Meal uh yeah it'll be four bouncy balls please Jeffy do you have four bouncy balls right here pay the man okay then here's your Happy Meal sir oh thank you mhm this ridiculous all right we're back did the bouncy balls work Mario what it look like Mommy I got my Happy Meal so I'm happy as insert s word that's so cool I can't believe you're rich Jeffy I stay Rich mommy well Jeffy is there any way that Mommy and Daddy can borrow some bouncy balls to pay some bills sure daddy but you can only have the bouncy balls that are not on this couch oh my God Jeffy has bouncy balls hidden throughout the house he has like a lot in the bathtub where else do you have bouncy balls hidden Jeffy um I got in the bathtub and um the toilet the toilet oh my God baby we're rich there's like a million in the bathtub and there's probably like a couple thousand in the toilet hold on I'm going to use the ice cream scooper I'm going to get the bouncy balls come on all right there it is the gold mine I'm going start taking out with my hands no Daddy Let's you just thing that you said Works wow daddy it's really getting them out of there isn't it I I lied let's let's use our hands all right all right baby we just got these out of the toilet we're rich E Mario they're dirty I don't care clean money Dirty Money I Want It Anyway breaking news UK the United States is going back to using cash as currency because we realize that balancy balls was a stupid idea what so these these bouncy balls are useless a but they're pretty to look at Mario hey Daddy I fixed your toilet plunger now it's easier for you to get the poop out see if you put it like this you scoop up all the poop look at that that's a law poop
