*2 HOURS* Of Jeffy Marathon!

foreign [Music] are you okay no he poked me in the eye you want to see it fly no prepare for takeoff wait bro why do you start with the pieces from the bottom because this is how daddy plays Jenga I've never lost a game of Jenga see not even that paper airplane can make me lose undefeated paper airplane go Jeffy I can't see where it went because you poked me in the eye Morgan it was an accident he was an accident Marvin crime because it's probably true he was probably an accident Marvin cheer him up Jeffy do you want to watch TV what do you want to watch [Laughter] okay I'll turn on Elmo yeah hey [Music] explosive diarrhea and may not be able to play against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers tomorrow that's not Elmo oh my gosh an entire NFL team is sick how are they gonna play they're probably gonna have to Forfeit who's on the door maybe it's Elmo come and you cheer me up no it's not because Elmo's not real hello Andrea what Jack what are you doing here oh I wanted to ask you something okay ask no can I come inside and ask why can't you do that wait what happened to your leg oh I broke it in three places and I didn't get a cast on it because I'm a man so it healed sideways ouch yeah so can I come inside why can't you ask the question here because it hurts to stand yeah who's at the door Marvin your ex-boyfriend Dak you doing here what a pleasant surprise yeah Dak what are you doing here well I have to ask you something then ask it you keep saying that well did you see in the news how the Patriots all get sick yeah I saw it they can't play well the Patriots called me and they said they want me to play for them oh how wonderful yeah how wonderful I hope you break a leg but why are you telling us about this well because the Patriots said they want me to assemble a team of my friends to play football so that's why I came here to ask you if I could go on a date with your wife but no why would I only go on a date with my wife because I'm the quarterback for the Patriots I could like get you tickets and stuff no you can't go on a date with her who are you gonna get to play for your team Dak oh I don't know I don't really have any friends I wonder why Marvin could do it what I can't play football yeah this old geezer can't play football well yeah I can oh yeah yeah I bet I can play football better than you can dick okay old man then you're on the team yeah yeah I'm gonna play for the Patriots and have like 300 pound guys trying to kill me yeah but I don't really have any other friends so I need you to find two other guys we can play football with but two other guys yeah four people that's how many people are on a football team right I'll look for as many guys I can so you want to make out oh Dak you silly goose you know I'm married don't mess up you know you're supposed to put the pieces on the top once you take one right no that's dumb those are dumb rules those are the right rules no you're just supposed to take the pieces out and put them down anywhere that's not how you play that's how I win you put the pieces back on top it it's hard that's the point of the game that's the rules look man if you don't know how to play that's okay if you want to Forfeit just tell me I know how to play okay take a piece then God hey guys I win loser you're not playing by the right rules oh yeah we're gonna hire somebody to throw a paper airplane at the tower when it was my turn I didn't hire anybody to throw a paper airplane look it came out of nowhere oh we came out of nowhere okay he tried to cheat I didn't teach hey man calm down it's just a board game calm down I mean I won but calm down getting a champion over here calm down I mean you never beat me but calm down anyway what'd you want man well uh on the on the news the Patriots are sick and they can't play this weekend oh yeah I heard about that on the news because your TV upstairs is really loud do you have hearing problems well look anyway the Patriots said that you know if we want to play we can assemble our own team and we can play for them what really yeah we can play from if you want to oh okay I mean they're playing against Tom Brady just anybody they're playing Tom Brady we're gonna lose yeah they're playing the Buccaneers but I mean that's final play will you play Chef yeah please hold on I'm not doing anything all right so you guys are in you're gonna You're Gonna Play yeah all right I'm gonna go tell them that we're gonna play so uh do you want to like cuddle no deck you silly goose all right Dad I found two guys oh perfect I'm gonna look for like 45 more people nah Four's good no there's like 50 people on a football team no I think we're ready anyway we're gonna ride the Patriots private plane to Boston tomorrow fancy yeah I'll see you guys tomorrow oh my gosh I know I'm kind of nervous but we have to tell Jeffy that we're going because you know I'm not gonna bring him so we're going to leave him home alone hey Jeffy what are you doing Googling if Elmo's real well look Jeffy here's a hundred dollars oh well I don't care if Elmo's real because he's hundose real why are you giving me money Daddy because me and Mommy are going out of town oh where are you going it's none of your business Jeffy use that money for food well how long are you gonna be gone for a day okay so I could just not eat for a day and pocket 100 bucks no Jeffy order pizza or something or I could not order pizza and just buy fortnite skins but look Jeffy do whatever you want with the money but we'll be back in a day all right Daddy all right Marvin I can't believe you're a football player I'm married to an athlete yeah that's cool baby just shut up are you nervous yeah you know I hate flying I'm afraid of flying Marvin you don't have to wear all your football gear yet yes I do yes I do because if we crash the helper will protect my head okay you keep telling yourself that no we're going down we're going down just kidding oh but look how high up we are though oh man we got to be like 32 000 feet don't tell me that just look down look how far away the ground is shut up oh man we couldn't get out of this plane if we wanted to no please don't tell me that my mind's so fast ass oh man we look like ants I mean they look like ants but we look like birds you know because they fly shut up speaking speaking of birds there's a bunch flying towards the engine oh I hate my wife Marvin if you get nervous just stare at the screen ahead of you you're right I just watch a movie like Deadpool what's up bro what do you want dick my helmet's too small for my head I'm sorry about that look bro I think we should go over the game plan because I don't want you messing this up for me I mean I'm a pro but have you even played football I've played Madden a few times dad he's gonna be fun because I've never lost a game in my life you see my jersey you see that number that's how many games I've lost double zero I'm double never lost baby I'm gonna get some out of my suitcase okay Marvin I need to get my headphones what are you doing here all right snuck on your plane you're being with you what do you mean you stuck on the plane you're supposed to stay home I gave you money for pizza oh my money on V bucks Jeffy that was for pizza you can't be here look I gotta Focus I got a job to do but I can help you Daddy how can you help I'll be your ball boy well you're already on the plane they can't turn around okay just be quiet and don't distract me all right daddy baby you're not gonna believe this Jeffy stuck on the plane oh I took your wife's seat you took my wife's seat where'd she go oh she's sitting up next to Zach and Jack or whatever the hell his name is I don't know bro play Django with me what Jenga on an airplane yeah it'll be fun what no it's gonna fall over nah no I won't come on let's play oh yeah okay I think I want this one oh yeah that's it that's it okay good almost there oh man uh it's gonna fall over hey you want to play again no the time what's going on now let's play again I'll get the pieces hello and welcome to Sunday afternoon football today the New England Patriots are going to be taking on Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers let's go down to the field okay it's the opening coin toss Tom you're the visiting team so call it in the air hurts it is hands who wants a ball okay we have to do the opening kickoff so who's gonna kick it I don't have legs yeah me neither I'll do it bro push of the quarterback I can do everything let me do it okay okay I'm kicking off who had a kick was that dick yeah that suck dick bro he's going for like a sneak on sidekick they weren't expecting it oh you're sure you'll just suck at kicking no bro I'm good at everything how's it get on defense oh I'm Gonna Get You Brady I'm Gonna Get You pretty blue 42 say it okay where are you at Gronk I'm open I'm open oh damn it touchdown Grog Spike touchdown Tampa Bay Buccaneers what the hell is that Marvin yeah Marvin yeah you let them wide open Where's Gronkowski it's hard to cover well let me cover him next time I can cover them who's gonna get the kick off oh me me I got it I got it nah give me this [ __ ] hey man I was gonna return it look at me go look at me go oh where am I going where am I going oh got your ass hey guys I'm about to get this touchdown look at me look at me oh tackled at the one yard line shouldn't have been showboating Chef pippy why didn't you score the touchdown come on you know I like to show both a little bit okay look we're on the one yard line all we have to do is run it in nah bro I'm gonna throw it throw it what's wrong with you it's a little lesson I learned from Super Bowl 49 when you're on the one you throw it okay someone get open okay I've done this before uh green 20 Abraham Lincoln hike where are we where are we at oh wide open all day what the hell was that doc I got him I got him I got him I got it the Buccaneers intercepted it and ran it back for a touchdown oh did I stop him why didn't you tackle them Marvin well why did that vote interception I just ate popcorn bro no you did it yes I did extra butter let's get ready for kickoff it's coming to me my time to shine oh wait what do I do ow Brooklyn guy are you okay this is Perkins my dog ate my homework can I turn it in tomorrow oh he's knocked out Marvin we need another player we're already down two touchdowns we should just forfeit hey Danny I'm here Daddy put me in coach no Jeff you're not playing football look what happened to him it's too dangerous but we're down by two touchdowns I can't help no come on bro we need them yeah we don't have anybody else okay fine but if you get hurt don't come crying to me all right bro we're gonna run it I'm gonna hand the ball to Jeffy all right Jeffy when you get that ball act like if you get in the end zone you don't ever have to eat green beans ever again got it all right okay uh Declaration of Independence 1776 hike I'm never gonna eat green beans again touchdown nope touchdown Patriots he did it he did it you got touched out Jeffy you need to go Jeffy okay we're still down by a touchdown so I need to do an onside kick what's that well you did earlier oh right right yeah yeah let's go yeah all right Jeffy we need an interception so if you intercept this ball and run it back for a touchdown I'll take you to Chuck E cheese later Falcon suck 28-3 hike oh there you are grunk [Music] oh yes the score there's only three seconds left oh so close tackle that the one the Buccaneers win I can't believe it we lost wow I hate my life good game bro good game Brady don't tell anyone but we deflated the footballs wait what uh I can't believe we lost Marvin don't be sad you thought you were gonna lose anyway but baby we were so close to winning Jeffy why didn't you score the touchdown are you kidding me I'll put your team on my back I got an interception and a touchdown don't give me [ __ ] Jeffy no no we straight I'm just gonna play with my paper airplane okay I'm playing by your rules I put the Beast back on top you happy all right it's your turn yes I'm happy because we're playing by the right rules okay which one do I want your own world oh yeah I love playing fortnite trying to unlock the new Spider-Man skin you know Jeffy did you just charge my credit card sure did Danny why did you get the new fortnite battle pass you didn't ask for permission oh sure daddy you're gonna do a bunch of chores tomorrow to make that money back all right sure thing Daddy hey I was playing that Jeffy you have to go to bed it's your bedtime you have school tomorrow but I just need 64 more matches before I get to Spider-Man skin how long is that gonna take all night you're not playing video games all night Jeffy all right daddy we didn't let me finish this one match okay three more well finally I got this Spider-Man skin now I get to play Spider-Man Victory emote dance hmm Jeffy it's time to go to school what you have to go to school Jeffy oh no day I'm too tired to go to school did you stay up all night playing video games no but Jeffy I told you to go to bed last night it's your fault that you stayed up so you're going to school oh my daddy I'm too tired oh if you're tired now you're definitely gonna be tired after school because I have a lot of chores for you to do after school so go to school go all right past today we're gonna be learning about the meteor that killed the dinosaurs so we're gonna play this fun little game where I pretend each of your faces are Earth and this ball is the meteor I'm gonna throw it as fast as I can at you and if you dodge the ball and you save the dinosaurs all right Cody you're first oh right yeah go on his ass looks like the dinosaurs are dead in your world Cody Junior you're next good Dodge Junior it looks like the dinosaurs are still alive in your world and Cody's world the dinosaurs are double Dead all right Jeffy go next oh Cody I'm so sorry my aim was a little off it it's fine I'm just gonna spend the rest of the class down here I understand Cody all right Jeffy it's your turn did Jeffy Dodge it okay that's it I'm going home oh don't be a soul loser Cody look I'm on fire today crafts I put the ball anywhere I want all right Jeffy go turn it Jeffy you suck oh Jeffy looks like the dinosaurs are dead in your world bully think fast I caught it hey Jeffy think fast hey are you happy with me yeah oh cause I might be tired but I can still kick your ass Cathy boring stop fighting hold on real quick I gotta do something oh hey Cody oh I want to transfer to another school ow suck that Cody you nerd hmm Jeffy how was school today huh how was school today oh good I'm tired no you can't go to sleep yet Mister you still have chores to do hold on take this and that and go wash all the windows in the house I'm tired go wash all the windows he got in my eyes oh my God oh my God I can't see I can't see you are so crowded oh Jeffy call 9-1-1 call 911 okay okay Jeffy I would never ask you to do this but I need you to drive to the hospital okay the driver's to the hospital come on baby driver to the hospital okay all right Jeffy hurry up and drive us to the hospital oh just just drive to the hospital we have to go to the hospital okay what are you doing Jeffy just hurry up get off The Horn Jimmy oh you're on the horse just drive us to the hospital what talk to the cop and just tell them that you're taking us to the hospital okay okay yeah I bet this guy's drunk hey roll your window down WWE roll your window down for the cop okay what do you want car full of junkie oh no officer we're not we're not a car full of junkies look he sprayed cleaning chemicals in my eyes oh you're getting high on cleaning chemicals huh no no no no he's putting her eyes and he was taken to the hospital look man I don't care how you do it it's still illegal I can't believe this doing it in front of your kid like that then making him drive you to the hospital no no no no no I promise you obviously it's just a big misunderstanding well you're all under arrest you're coming with me come on no I can't believe we had to bail ourselves out of jail at least our eyes are feeling better Marvin I just want to watch TV and forget about what happened today [Music] arrested for making their kid drive them around while they were zooted on cleaning supplies oh great now the whole town thinks we're junkies and that we treat our son bad oh you're not going to bed yet Mister you ruined our entire day and got us arrested so now you know what you're gonna make us dinner what yeah he's gonna make us dinner we deserve to relax after all the hell we were put through today so Jeffy go make us some chicken nuggets but Marvin he just needs some rest no no no he can rest after he gets done with his chores and I want him to make us dinner so go make us some chicken nuggets what go make us chicken nuggets okay go oh my god get the water oh get some water today [Music] I'll get the door uh hey your fire alarm's going off is there a fire wait it's you again oh man this house get out of my way someone help us Jesus look at that fire oh yeah can you help us please oh my God not you two again what are you junkies doing now trying to cook cleaning chemicals what no no to the people's understanding what are you trying to get high on the few oh no all right I'm gonna put out this fire then you're going back to jail oh come on I cannot believe we went to jail twice in one day at least the house isn't on fire Marvin can you stop trying to find positive stuff about this today's not positive it's a horrible day oh my God Marvin look the news oh my God breaking news okay those junky parents are back at it again this time they were arrested for trying to make their kid cook cleaning supplies when will they stop well now we can never show our face around town ever again again Marvin just let Jeffy get some sleep no I'm not gonna let Debbie get some sleep you got us arrested twice the whole town thinks we're junkies and we can start fires and stuff like that so I gotta think of the biggest baddest punishment ever for Jeffy Marvin just let him sleep no Jeffy are you sleeping no wake up oh my God wake him up what's going on here yeah I took away your cleaning supplies so now you're taking out your withdrawal anger on your kid is that it no I was just trying to wake him up he's sleeping yeah he's sleeping because he's been up all night driving you around and cooking your cleaning supplies no no I was trying to wake him up so I can punish him but not punish him by hitting him but like by doing other stuff all right that's it you come with me well hey Marvin what how was jail I'm so tired from being arrested three times in one day Marvin can we please let Jeffy go to sleep next oh no no no no no no he got me arrested three times not two three so I'm gonna make sure he stays up for like two days straight so that he can know the stress of never going to sleep again because he made me give him and I'm good foreign okay guys listen we need to buy two more of these robots so we all can play all right let's buy two more but this is a hundred dollar toy Jeffy we don't have a hundred dollars well maybe we could raise money like we could do a car wash or something like I could take my shirt off and wash cars well honestly I just want an excuse to take my shirt off yeah guys we could wash cars and raise the money and then we could all play with the robots so look let's go watch some cars guys okay [Music] uh time to get Marvin's house baby all right Donnie can I call Giant wash cars with my friends no why why why don't get it why come on let Jeffy go outside and do a job but baby he's gonna be touching other people's cars and he might damage them and then it'll be my problem but Marvin you're not gonna give him money so let him go work for it yeah Daddy I'm a working man okay fine Jeffy you can go wash cars but if you damage anyone's car it's your responsibility I don't know what responsibility means but I got it buddy oh this is a bad idea who's at the door hello hey Marvin I'm here for your house payment oh Goodman uh well you see I don't have my house payment this month you know what this is Marvin a banana why why why are you peeling a banana because this banana represents your wiener and if you don't have your house payment by the end of the day today this is what I'm gonna do to your wiener what I'm gonna cut it off Marvin I'm gonna cut off your wiener oh okay okay look I will get the house payment by the end of the day well now I'm going to come inside and use your bathroom and clog your toilet oh guys look a Lamborghini let's watch this car but Jenny this guy didn't ask us to clean his car I know Cody but if we wash it and do a really good job the guy will come out and go damn you clean my car really good here's a thousand bucks Junior I don't think forcing people to pay us for stuff they didn't ask for is a really great business model Cody just shut up and wash the car and look sexy okay that I can do junior I don't have a sponge um go find one all right I think they grow in the grass or something now where can I find a sponge at sponge don't forget to wash the grill Cody okay I'm gonna check on Jeffy and see how he's doing Jeffy what are you doing I'm doing brain Junior I'm watching so good that the paint's coming off squeaky clean that's a brick house you know like the song she's a brick house Cody come here what's wrong Junior look whoa that that is a problem how'd that even happen this is the only sponge and I could find you used a brick house so we damaged the car Cody dude the guy's not gonna pay us a thousand dollars for this so what do we do oh okay I have an idea I say we get out of here we're going to come back can I keep watching it or not no Jeffy we have to go come on oh Marvin I clogged your toilet bad here smell my fingers oh god oh why does it smell like that because when I was wiping my finger broke through the toilet paper and went my ass crack so that's what you just smelled oh why did you wash your hands because you don't have any soap so maybe tonight after you give me your house payment you invest in some soda oh okay just I know just come back later all right I'll be back tonight and if you don't have your house payment you know what will happen to your banana what about bananas listen baby you don't want to know what the hell why is there soap on my car did someone try washing my car and they didn't even finish what the [ __ ] I'll try washing washing oven daddy washing cars is hard why what happened because there's so many different types of sponges I don't know which one to use I get confused what are you talking about hold on hello you pull your pants down it's coming off what are you trying to head to the end of the day not anymore not after what you did in my car what I do to your car come here this I didn't do that I knew you didn't do it but your son did how do you know he did it because he left me a Bill Car Wash Bill one thousand dollars owed to Jeffy well I I it wasn't me who did it I don't give a [ __ ] you got to get me your house payment and the money to fix my car by the end of the day or you know what happened to the banana oh oh I'll try try again you damaged Goodman's car by washing it but why would you do that today why did you do that Daddy I told you sponges are hard no they're not hard Jimmy they're supposed to be soft and Squishy and they wash things why was I supposed to know that Jeffy you owe me five thousand dollars by tonight or get out of the house Marvin that's not a realistic amount of money Jeffy can get to you by tonight oh Mommy I understand I screwed up big time let's shoot it mister now you go get me that money now all right Daddy I'll get you that money even if I have to swing leg we're washing cars was a bad idea I can't believe Jeffy used a brick wait Jeffy used a brick wait Joseph why were you outside washing cars with us because I don't do manual labor dude my people suffered enough I'm enjoying my freedom so Cody how are we gonna get a hundred dollars to buy more robots Junior I don't think we should try to raise any more money we've done enough damage hey guys my daddy said I need to raise five thousand dollars by tonight or he's gonna kick me out of the house but that's not even possible Cody did you not hear what Jeffy just said if he doesn't get five thousand dollars by tonight he's gonna be homeless well Junior that's not possible and also he damaged that car I mean it's not our problem we were trying to wash it but Cody friends stick together we got to help our friends yeah so we have to help Jeffy get the five thousand dollars well how are we gonna do that Junior um hold on let me think let me be like Jimmy Neutron think uh who's at the door ruining my brain blast come on Cody just answer the door hello hi Junior do you want to buy some Girl Scout cookies we had smart a mint cookie no Penelope we don't want to buy stupid dumb girl scout cookies we need money ourselves We're not gonna waste it on cookies damn Junior you could have just said no well actually I I will take some of those mint cookies oh thanks Cody hey your mint cookies stink breath bye hey that was rude Cody why would you buy cookies well I'm sorry but now my feelings are here Cody if you have money for cookies why did you give it for Jeffy he needs five thousand dollars it was only ten dollars Union Cody oh my God we need money wait a minute buying those cookies just gave me an idea oh yeah we should probably we should beat up those girls for the money no I thought you were gonna say we should sell cookies what no selling cookies is hard beating up girls is easy Chris Brown does it Chris Brown doesn't beat people up for money he doesn't but no oh why'd you do it because he's an [ __ ] oh so you're saying we should sell Girl Scout cookies yes that would be much easier all right let's go tell the other guys guys guys guys me and Cody found the fastest way to make five thousand dollars well I wouldn't say it's the fastest way to make five thousand dollars me and Cody found the best way to make five thousand dollars I definitely wouldn't say it's the best way either we found a way to make five thousand dollars over time yes all right guys so we're at the door and these Girl Scouts showed up and said you want to buy some cookies and Cody gave them ten dollars for no reason well I did get cookies so guys I was thinking we could sell cookies and we could make five thousand dollars that's a goddamn Junior yeah that's a dope idea dude Junior We're not gonna make five thousand dollars just from selling cookies and we have to do it today well Cody we're gonna sell this one box of cookies for five thousand dollars Junior that's insane No One's Gonna Pay five thousand dollars for a box of cookies yes they will if we tell them that there's a possibility that there's ten thousand dollars inside it they'll pay five thousand for it that's a pretty big gamble Junior I don't think anyone's gonna do that yes they will because if we tell them there's ten thousand dollars in that box they're gonna say hmm I could double my money if I give them five thousand dollars okay Junior I want you to think about this first we have to find somebody who has five thousand dollars in cash on them which is pretty rare in this economy and they also have to be dumb enough to pay five thousand dollars for a box of cookies Cody anything's possible we landed on the moon we're humans we have thumbs if caterpillars were trying to do this I would say it's impossible but we can make it happen I I will agree with you that caterpillars couldn't do this all right so guys we have to find some Girl Scout outfits now I actually have some from role playing with Ken okay so you go get those outfits someone's gonna believe there's ten thousand dollars in that box wait there's ten thousand dollars in that box dude see Cody someone will believe it let's go guys okay okay guys this is the first house and I feel like we're gonna get the five thousand dollars hello hey we're trying to sell Girl Scout cookies but you guys aren't girls uh oh I forgot anybody can be a girl these days yeah I love some Girl Scout cookies well all we have is the mint cookie flavor oh it's great that's my favorite kind uh what's it like 10 bucks hold on do you have change for a hundred uh yeah we have change for a hundred okay take this one where is he going with my money oh he's going to get changed from the car I don't see a car oh it's parked way down the street uh oh okay yeah but while we while we wait I have an amazing opportunity for you sir okay I'd like to hear it what if I told you that there's ten thousand dollars in this box of cookies I wouldn't believe you well if you give us five thousand dollars you'll have a chance to open up this box to see if there's ten thousand dollars in it yeah I'm not gonna do that that sounds like a terrible deal well do you have five thousand dollars anywhere in the house no no I don't think I do oh that's a is that kid gonna come back with my money hey you bastards get back here [ __ ] honey [ __ ] what's wrong what's wrong boy D well these kids came to the door dressed like Girl Scouts and they scam me out of a hundred dollars I should have known something was fishy when they weren't girls oh boy do you know kids we'll be kids no honey they committed a felony well did you at least get the kids no God I'm so I'm so pissed well guys we got a hundred dollars yeah we just need 4 900 to go well we only have to go to 49 more houses Cody well yeah and we have to hope that everybody gives us a hundred dollars and asks for change and then we run off every time stop being a Negative Nancy Cody that's my mommy's name Willy dude you got a hundred bucks sick wait Joseph why weren't you trying to sell cookies with us because I told you I'm doing manual labor dude well technically guys we did get the hundred dollars we needed to buy more robots I mean yeah that's true we could just buy more robots I mean it's up to you Jeffy do you want to buy the robots or go to 49 more houses hmm okay guys let's fight with our robots yeah we're two bad [ __ ] but you know Master my boss all right guys let's fight go oh oh my God Marvin why are you biting your nails because I'm worried that jeffy's not gonna get the money in time so you don't have the money oh good man good thing I brought the scissors what are the scissors for oh he didn't tell you oh poopy banana me hey what's up do you mind peeling that banana for me Poopy oh yeah sure oh it's the banana for K oh you'll see the banana represents Marvin's wiener oh it's not that big he doesn't have my house payment graphic I know hey you gonna finish this banana no baby you can have it no thank you so you guys watching the video just know every time you are watching a video poobie is behind the couch eating a banana so go ahead and like the video for every like that you give us that's another banana for poopy so Marvin since you don't have my money whip it out oh Jeffy might have the money let me go check [Applause] me where's oh I gave up on now we're playing with robots oh Jeffy you owe me 5 000 come on okay Goodman look it's jeffy's fault he's the one that destroyed your car so if anyone should get their banana sniffed it's him baby my wiener it's not it's not upset well Marvin I have a special punishment for Jeffy come with me is this your car yup is this the brick that you use to wash my car watch like it well I'm gonna wash your car don't you ever touch my car again oh Marvin what do you think he's doing to Jeffy I don't know baby but I'm worried about my wiener I don't want it to get snipped off his scissors baby hide the scissors okay all right Marvin I just punished Jeffy I threw a brick at his car now we're even now for you young man you didn't pay your house payment so now I'm gonna snip off your wiener wait a minute where are my winter snipping scissors I let them right here uh I don't I don't know I haven't seen them well I can't sniff wieners without my wiener snipping scissors and I can't just use a regular pair of scissors darn Marvin I guess it's your lucky day I guess I'm just gonna have to punch you in the dick instead oh my God and you bet your dick I'm gonna order me a new pair of wiener snipping scissors and then next month when you don't have your house payment I'm going to snip your wing or clean off your body you know what better yet I'm gonna snip it long way so it looks like a snake tongue oh well I guess is the best outcome that could have happened today [Music] guys Christmas is only a few days away oh dude I can't wait to open presents well guys it's time for me to light my candles Cody your birthday's not till February yeah dude Stop Being Greedy it's about Christmas it's not for my birthday so what's it for dude Hanukkah don't say that what is that for Hanukkah dude I'm about to beat him up right now you hear him hey Joseph don't do it what are you so mad about dude out of all things you could have said hey Joseph say that again or I couldn't hear you could you repeat yourself but you chose to say huh no no no no no no no no no that's not what I said I said Hanukkah bro I'm gonna beat him up hold me back hold me back Cody can you stop saying that what no it's a holiday okay fine you know what we're not gonna We're not gonna do Hanukkah today I'll just celebrate Christmas yeah you better yeah it's Jesus birthday not your birthday Cody but that's not oh God you guys are stupid they're throwing out the door Cody it's a door with me Cody okay I'll stay here I guess all right Cody you really need to calm down with their slurs against Joseph wait it's not a slur it's a holiday just please calm down hello oh Merry Christmas Santa Claus what are you doing here I have a problem boys Rudolph ran away Rudolph ran away but who's gonna guide your sleigh on Christmas night that's the issue I can't ride my sleigh without Rudolph's red nose lining up the sky I could run into a building and that'd be really bad in New York City exactly so I need you boys to go find them and I'll give you anything you want for Christmas if you do anything we want anything no he didn't bring presents Santa Claus came to tell us that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer ran away wait why would he run away maybe he got tired of people laughing and calling him names why don't you run away when we laugh and call you names I've thought about it all right Joseph Santa Claus said if we find Rudolph he'll give us anything we want it don't you think it's weird that of all the billions of people in the world he chose us to help him Santa Claus knows we're the smartest kids in the world Cody Junior we're definitely not the smartest kids in the world then why else would he choose us he can see us when we're sleeping he knows when we're awake he obviously knows we're smart enough to find Rudolph if he can see us he knows we're dumb oh come on Joseph you know we can find Rudolph right of course dude yes we can okay where should we start looking for Rudolph outside oh no it's cold outside it's freezing outside wait dude well then we're not gonna find him then Rudolph could be in my house Junior he's not in your house you know that for a fact yes okay well if you have a Rudolph trucker then tell us where he's at Junior if you had a giant reindeer with a glowing red nose in your house you'd know okay well if you know where Rudolph isn't then where is he I don't know but he's not here then shut up if you don't know where he's at we're trying to think yeah you're useless dude okay you know what it's actually gonna be really hard to find Rudolph because the world is like what a billion miles long so the best option for us to do is to go to an animal shelter adopt a dog put a red nose on him and antlers and then give it to Santa and say that's Rudolph oh dude that's a nice blend Junior I think he wants the real Rudolph that can fly no no no he just wants it for show so as long as we give him something that looks like Rudolph we'll get anything we want and we save Christmas but Jenny we'd be lying to Santa I lie to everyone Cody Santa doesn't make an exception I can lie to him too yeah he seems wrong okay well you know what's wrong you try to celebrate your birthday on Jesus birthday yeah well no it okay fine let's do your stupid plan all right let's go to the dog shelter oh man Santa Claus is gonna love the new Rudolph well at the pound his name was Gizmo and he was about to be put down for old age right now oh you must not know Michael fix my uncle Joseph calm down oh he's asking for it dude listen he's just an old sick dog but did he just cough I've never even heard a dog do that before well listen I need you to smell his butt why and you just smell a stinkhole to see if it's stinky Junior it's called a stink hole I'm pretty sure it's stinky listen you have to make sure it's not stinky because he's gonna be in front of all the other reindeer and no reindeer wants to smell it reindeer's butt that's dirty what Junior this old sick dog is not gonna lead a sleigh smell it yep that's a dog's ass well that's how they say hello okay hello Gizmo dude this dog is gonna die listen listen Santa Claus gonna be super happy that he's gonna lead his sleigh now I always have to tell Santa Claus that we found Rudolph how are we gonna do that he didn't leave us his number or anything the only way you get a hold of Santa Claus Is Sing Santa Claus songs Santa Claus is Coming to Town Santa Claus Is Coming your west of my town what yeah sure foreign guys let's go wait for him to deliver all the presents okay I believe Santa's gonna give us whatever we want a rush Cody yeah he has to deliver presents dude well not for a few days well we have to go all the way back to the North Pole we're in Florida it's a long drive yeah he's trying to get ahead of schedule yeah [Music] the news is on [Music] breaking news okay the real Santa Claus has died in a crash because rudo with a red nose painted on him and the sleigh could not fly truly tragic yeah Junior we killed Santa Claus I mean we well he was looking for Rudolph well well a plane can still fly with one engine okay so so his sleigh has nine reindeer so if one reindeer goes missing he should still be able to fly I think George Bush did it inside job dude well either way Santa's dead and Christmas is ruined what no family Joseph [Music] uh We're Not Gonna celebrate your birthday Cody it's not a birthday thing the weather candles well it's fine fine we won't do this who are you I think that's an elf Junior you guys killed her no he didn't yes you did you gave Santa a fake Rudolph and he crashed oops no oops now you had to be saying and deliver all the presents that's impossible yeah we can't do that no tonight you're gonna do a test run and see how fast you can deliver presents to our house it's gonna be pretty slow we don't know what we're doing yeah cause we're not Santa Claus I'll give you but you already have glasses like Santa but you killed Santa so you should be saying well you'll be saying there now you have Santa's Powers what Ken Ken can't be Santa Claus he's a doll I don't care now deliver this present to this address and I'll be watching you Cody Ken can't be Santa Claus yes he can Junior he's already a lawyer astronaut doctor scientist for the NBA he can be Santa Claus or should I call him kentucklies or Saint kentalis or Ken Kringle that's all I got but Cody we can't deliver this present because Ken has all the powers Junior I have an idea they want us to deliver this present to test if we'd be a good Santa right so how about we just do a really bad job delivering this present and then we don't have to be Santa we don't have to worry about this you're right Cody if we do a really bad job being Santa they'll be like we don't want you being Santa and they'll give the powers to someone else yeah and it shouldn't be hard to screw this out yeah let's go screw up being Santa Claus yeah come on let's go to this house all right Junior this is the house okay so how do we get in do you see a chimney I'm not getting on the roof but we're supposed to be like Santa Claus but we're also supposed to suck remember aren't you good at sucking well yeah but not at this okay let's just go through the front well Junior we can't just walk into their house but let's see if the doors unlocked well it's not gonna be unlocked it is unlocked wow okay let's go all right Junior deliver the present that's good I hear noises yeah well maybe it's you snoring no but waiting I hear no no it's you know what it might be my stomach growling because you burned dinner and I didn't get to eat sweetie it's coming from the living room yeah well maybe somebody broke in and they'll kill me wouldn't that be nice check I'm not getting up until I hear something Cody I really feel like we should make a huge mess so we could suck at being Santa but we don't want them calling the cops let's just go no no no no we have to do a really bad job being Santa and Santa would not make a mess right I guess that's true let's watch Junior what the hell is wrong with you what okay okay I heard that all right I'll get up I'll check see what that noise was what what the hell what happened to my tree but hey hey you goons get the hell out of my life no I'm so mad what was that two goons broke into our house and knocked over our Christmas tree did they see you no because I chased them off but I'm pretty sure I know who it was and I'm gonna go give him a Stern talking to okay we delivered the present yeah there's no way we get hired a Santa now what the hell was that did you even try that was us trying Sienna's supposed to be quiet and go down chimneys listen lady I don't know what to tell you we're just bad at being Santa find somebody else well someone has to be Santa there there you are you goons you broke into my house hey you can't just come into our house without asking oh like you did in my house and you knocked over my Christmas tree you you oh no no no no I I don't want to be Tim Allen I don't have time for those kind of shenanigans well someone has to be Sienna news [Music] breaking news okay the real Santa Claus Is Not Dead the Santa that died earlier today was just a guy dressed up as Santa Claus and wrote a sleigh off of his roof with a dog that looked like Rudolph wait dead well I guess I can take these off oh can I have those I'm still pretty pissed off sure here you go you need to stick them on there oh I'm so mad you guys broke into my house and stayed knocked over my Christmas tree you don't look mad at all I don't I am mad I promise uh can you come fix his eyebrows yes you look like you have a question I need to better convey my anger here hold on yes hold still okay I'm sorry I'm just so mad let me see am I mad now yeah yeah you seem pretty mad I'm really mad you guys knocked over my tree and broke into my house well listen we're really sorry we won't do it again we were just trying to be Santa Claus oh yeah you're sorry huh well let me let me nibble that ear what what let me let me nibble let me nibble that ear and okay there that's what you get now never do it again I'll never your other ear okay well Junior I guess Santa's not really dead so that that everything worked out well today was a crazy day yeah I have a question Cody okay what happened to your free medium french fries you get from McDonald's every week you haven't been eating them oh I still get them I mean I don't always eat them here but like I get them like I eat them at home like in bed and stuff well everyone's been upset that you haven't been eating them well all right fine you know what here here you go here's my free medium french fries I get from McDonald's every week there you go you happy eat one there I'm doing it doing the thing you happy Merry Christmas Merry Christmas well a few days before Christmas yeah [Music] all right daddy you want a Hertz donut what's a hurts Donuts donut jiffy nice obviously you didn't get the joke I said you want a herds donut and then I threw it at him and said it hurts Donut oh like the donut hurts yeah it's not funny anymore wait what's that noise oh great what's wrong Marvin look at booger oh he's pissing oh he ran away business in the wild getting neutered it's not really necessary yes because if we neuter him he won't pee anymore what's neutered mean when they Grab Your Balls oh they Grab Your Balls I want to be neutered no Jeffy look baby can you please put Burger in his cage or take him to the vet oh but he hates it in there put him in the cage baby okay Jeffy stay right here I want to be neutered booger Pizza okay go get it oh booger I'm so sorry Marvin booger's ready oh booger you're stuck in the cage well I've never been neutered before so I'm gonna let you out be free booger I'm gonna get my balls touched oh there's Pizza in here all right booger it's time to go to the vet get neutered oh man oh dinosaurs are heavy hey welcome to the vet's office please identify yourself because I can't see it's me Marvin oh hey Marvin what's up well why can't you see oh I just got Lasik eye surgery this morning so I can't see anything right now but in a few hours when my eyes heal up oh my vision's gonna be perfect it's gonna be 20 20. hopefully not like the year Well I brought my pet dinosaur to get neutered really a pet dinosaur oh that's awesome I've never gotten a chance to neuter a dinosaur before this is exciting I'll get started right now wait wait should you wait for your eyes to heal no no no no I've neuted so many animals I can do this with my eyes closed which is exactly what I'm gonna do right now all right well just let me know when you're done uh hey do you want to keep them keep what the balls like do you want to keep them in a jar or something no I don't want to keep the balls okay well I'm gonna keep them I mean the dinosaur balls that's awesome I'm keeping those all right well just let me know when you're done okay yeah I'll call you or just bring them by okay then I'll see you later what see oh I get it like it like Lasik like see see I thought you meant C like like the ocean yeah that didn't make any sense but I get now so it's funny okay I'll see you later okay all right come here Mr Dinosaur show me those balls all right baby I just dropped booger off at the vet Marvin I think it's cruel to neuter animals baby he was peeing on the rug this is the only way to get him to stop will it booger stop it you're not eating a donut he would drop the dinosaur off when he was done so maybe he's already done let me call the vet real quick okay it's ringing hey this is the vet's office can you identify yourself I can't see my caller ID it's me Marvin oh hey Marvin I just finished neutering a dinosaur it went great is that why you dropped them off what dropped him off no he's still here no he's right next to me well that's impossible because he's right next to me are you sure it's a dinosaur like can you see him well no but I can touch him like I just touched him he's here well my dinosaur's right next to me oh well do you have two dinosaurs because if you do all neuter both of them you know buy one get one oh baby are you sure the dinosaur you put in the cage with booger yes Marvin like he was green yes Marvin are you sure he was green what yes doggy get in here what your hips did you call me in here so you could give me some money no Dougie I just want to make sure your balls are okay yeah okay yeah so both my dinosaurs are here well you must have a third one because I definitely have a dinosaur here wait so there's a third dinosaur and you neutered it yeah it went fine I mean I will say I didn't keep his balls they were a little too human-like kind of freaked me out so I threw him in the ball pit like we have this ball pit where we throw all the animal balls when we're done with them it's pretty gross and actually now that you mention it he did scream a lot in English dinosaurs are weird okay can you please bring that dinosaur over to my house so we can see what you're talking about yeah sure I'll drive right over there are you sure you're okay to drive with your vision oh yeah I've been there so many times I can drive there with my eyes closed okay this doesn't make any sense baby Marvin where's Jeffy oh he's probably in his room Jeffy get in here Jeffy did you hear that the vet must be here hello am I in the right house yeah right here oh hey Marvin see I told you I could make it and you thought I couldn't drive here where'd you park in your driveway did you hit my car I hit something but hey look I brought you dinosaur dinosaur get in here I look like the lamp from Pixar the dinosaur Jeffy that must get confusing that's his son's name no I knew did you dinosaur take your glasses off I don't know if my eyes have healed yet they did heal everything looks amazing oh oh no oh [ __ ] that's your son yeah I guess I did neuter him why'd you do it well look it makes sense now that I'm thinking about it I mean yeah I guess his balls were pretty human-like and he did scream when I caught him and he even said hey don't new to me I'm a human not a dinosaur but I thought the dinosaur was trying to trick me so I was like you can't trick me dinosaurs so I snipped him anyway I can't believe you default it's your fault because you put him in the cage no it's your fault you put him in the cage how'd you get in the cage well I saw a booger in the cage and then I let him out so I could get in the cage because I wanted to know what neuter was see it's his fault not mine see everybody hear that I'm not liable you can't sue me okay can we put his balls back on him I don't think you understand his balls are in the ball pit I mean do you really want to dive into a 10 000 square foot pit of animal balls I mean there's cat balls dog balls donkey balls fish balls raccoon balls there's wall-to-wall balls okay well can we find his balls well even if we could find his balls we can't put them back on you can't use tape no why do you guys keep all those balls when we grind them up to make baloney that's why it's called baloney hey we sell some you want it I don't want any ball I don't want baloney his balls might be in there but I don't want to get out of here well it's got chicken balls pork balls and beef balls no listen listen Jeffy how are you feeling well I've been better Daddy I I I I I wouldn't I wouldn't do that see he's not in too much pain because he's on pain meds but don't worry those will wear off okay so like what do we do now well I mean there's nothing more for me to do but I mean if he's in too much pain you can call me and you probably will be calling me oh man Jeffy are you okay Danny why am I gonna wear this cone on my head so you don't lick your balls how'd you know I was doing that was there a camera in my room no Jeffy how are you feeling worried because how long has that camera been in my room and what else have you seen me lick there's no camera in your room Jeffy I'm gonna go look for the camera in my room wait a second there's no camera oh man I can't believe this happened to Jeffy where is he where is he where is it stupid camera hey Jeffy Daddy this is an invasion of my privacy because you have a camera in my room there's no camera Jeffy they're wine to Cone listen earlier today we wanted to take your pet dinosaur to the vet to get his balls chopped off why because he wouldn't stop paying on the rug pee comes from your balls no we didn't want to get his balls chopped off listen Jeffy the main point is you got your balls chopped off today I did yeah hurts Donuts Marvin well he did that earlier to me so I thought it'd be the perfect time to make the joke no Marvin listen so that's why it hurts when you hit your diaper Oh I thought it hurts just because I beat it all the time the doctor said don't do that because you're gonna irritate it so look Jeffy after school tomorrow we're gonna make it up to you we're gonna take you to Chuck E cheese and you can eat pizza or play games you can't do both because we're on a budget we're bawling on a budget you can play ski ball or basketball or playing the ball pit stop it okay those are all my ball jokes listen Jeffy you're missing your balls and tomorrow we're gonna make it up to you after school so just go to bed and tomorrow we'll have a fun day okay okay Daddy but real quick if I throw up in this thing will I drown no Jeffy just lean forward it'll spill out if I go outside and it starts raining or snowing will I drown no there's holes in the thing Jeffy look you're not gonna drown go to bed all right Daddy oh boy across today we're going to be learning about the North Atlantic right whale oh we're learning about my mom today because she's a big fat whale right she's the biggest animal in the whole planet Cody why were you talking about your mom like that I was just beating you guys to it because I know you're gonna say it I would never say your mom is fat oh shut up I'ma tell your mommy called her fat please don't the North Atlantic right whale is known to have the biggest balls of any animal in the world nuts biggest [ __ ] I didn't know I was annoyed the Atlantic right whale because my balls are huge or cause you're fat like your mom Conehead don't call me names hey satellite dish head I said leave me alone megaphone head I will allow you to call me one more name as long as it's hilarious upside down lampshade head that was lame hey can you look up a little more want like this yeah thanks trash can head oh you did it now Jeffy boy hey Danny I got you spending from school today for what for beating up this kid because you was making fun of my cone hat what did he say well you see this paper ball in you he threw it in here now I can't get it out hey I was playing with that Jeffy you are grounded for getting suspended from school well what about Chuck E cheese you're grounded so you can't go to Chuck E cheese damn well I'm hungry we'll go downstairs and get something to eat even reach my mind okay just go fix okay we've got glasses well you wasted all the Cheerios for are you throwing in your favor again you go pour those cheers out because you're wasting them okay hey you hit my eyeball off clean yourself up oh baby it's gonna take forever to clean this mess up what about jiffy's eye Danny you've been really mean to me ever since I apparently got my balls cut off you did get your balls cut off Jeffy did I you did right I don't know I haven't been able to lick them because it is cold hey didn't really cut jeffy's balls off what yeah I was checking the security camera footage at the vet's office because I was going to sell it to like a Gore website or something and then I saw that really happened but what really happened calm down baby birds I'll feed you just watch this flashback all right dinosaur show me those balls I'm gonna cut them off but I'm a human no you're not gonna trick me dinosaur give me those balls here they are Oh no you're paying my balls good I'm gonna try this so you didn't cut jeffy's balls off oh no I was cutting pizza oh well earlier you said you felt something that felt like human balls yeah that was the pizza it was really soggy it felt like human balls and I ate it what yeah I ate it because okay listen I I thought to myself when am I going to get another chance to eat dinosaur balls right so I had to try it and then it tasted like pepperoni pizza so I thought to myself this is why the dinosaurs must have gone extinct it's because their balls tasted like pepperoni pizza and people kept eating their balls and then they couldn't have any more babies but then I lied to you guys because I didn't want you to know that I ate dinosaur balls and then I thought I ate your son's balls and that was even worse so I couldn't tell you that but it turned out it was pizza so it's okay but you ate it thinking it was bald yeah yeah but it's pizza so everything's fine but it was you thought it was bald [ __ ] man we don't have to obsess about it I ate pizza he still has his balls everything's good I still have my balls yep you sure do so I can take the cone off yeah go ahead how do I do that oh it's like those little like those little knobs like behind your head there yeah you got it is that one okay no that I I think I think that one's okay you get yeah there's three of them so yeah you got it just one more just turn it yeah I'm free no no no no [Music] Jeffy come look all the presents are under the Christmas tree are all these presents for me they sure are buddy how many oh that um 36 36 was last year I got 37. I want two new peasants but Jeffy these presents are already so big I don't care how big they are listen this is what we'll do when we go out we'll buy you two new presents how's that pumpkin can you guys please stop quoting Harry Potter sorry Marvin so you guys got me all these presents yes we did Jeffy chicken wings Santa Claus comfy he's gonna bring me even more presents of course Jeffy yay but it's Christmas ever no Jeffy you're 18 years old it's time for you to know what baby rip this Band-Aid off it's 18 years old no Marvin stop it what are you guys talking about um what he was saying was that we got a letter from Santa and he told us that you're on the nice list he did can I see the letter um when you when you read the letter the words disappear has invisible ink on it well then can I see the paper no no read it oh what I want for Christmas because I never went and told him what I wanted oh Santa knows what you want he can hear what you're thinking he knows when you're sleeping you know the song Why did you know that if I didn't tell him I'm take me so I can tell Santa Claus what I want for Christmas right now no Santa Claus is busy it's Christmas Eve he's getting his sleigh ready and he's yelling at his elves he has a lot to do today well he's at the mall so you [Applause] can no no the mall is so packed on Christmas and we'll ship it to him well if I Rhino later it won't get there in time okay how about you just tell us what you want and we'll tell him we have his phone number no I want you to take me to the mall right now so I could just handle as well I want for Christmas oh come on Marvin let's just go okay fine we'll go to the mall get in the car hurry up oh okay Jeffy we made it hey you here for pictures yes we are here for pictures all right just have a seat say cheese no no we want pictures with Santa Claus Santa Claus yeah Santa Claus oh we stopped doing that weeks ago man weeks ago what are we talking about well it's the day before Christmas man all the Santas are at home with their family hold on no no no no no come on get the call up Santa Claus like you gotta have a Santa Claus around here somewhere sorry man all you have is me in this chair and don't make fun of my costume it's a child's large legs isn't that fun I can dance no no listen I just need you to like call up a Santa Claus please there's something you got to do listen Jeffy really wants to talk to Santa Claus I mean listen man I can let's see yeah unless you have money what money yeah if you pay me maybe I can find you a Santa Claus oh all I have is 100. okay yeah that'll work uh let me just call my buddy Tim you guys just go hang out at Cinnabon or something oh Jeffy come on they're getting Santa Claus we have to wait over here you better page me good yeah I'm sorry Tim I'm sorry it's so last minute couch eating potato chips yeah I know I know how much you love your chips I'm sorry it'll be real quick I promise that sounds great just put your beard on get ready okay we're ready for the next kid okay Jeffy there's Santa Claus Santa Claus what's your name young man Jeffy Tom your name Oh Come here boy take a seat okay and what do you want for Christmas I have to whisper it to you okay I won don't yell at Santa please Jeffy whisper it okay oh no oh Lord how about how about we just give you a candy cane are you gonna get it for me Santa will do his best I want your beer oh Santa's just shaved so he couldn't get his beard in town that's the real son he just died what did you do with the real Santa Claus you impossible the real Santa Claus oh what a nightmare Daddy can't kill Santa Claus you're always a fake Santa Claus that Santa Claus smell like Pepto Bismol and bad decisions and Jeffy listen look that that Santa Claus was a messenger Santa so all the malls Across America they hire messenger Santas to find out what kids want and then they tell the real Santa right well I want you to call Santa Claus because you see you in Santa Claus's phone number so call him well he's busy Santa Claus isn't real what are you talking about you [ __ ] so does that mean Santa Claus he's not real you're 18 years old it's time for you to know oh are you gonna break everything in the kitchen he's 18 years old he's screaming at me I don't know what to say to him anymore oh come on guys you said it you wanted for Jeffy what's your point being good all year Santa Claus isn't real you wonder I've tried really hard no you don't you don't try to be good to me oh I'm not gonna call someone hey there somebody call an elf yes I need your help because you caused a problem in my life what did I do well you had that stupid fake Santa Claus at the mall and then when my son pulled his beard off my son freaked out and cried and then I told him Santa wasn't real because I didn't want him to cry anymore well it sounds like it's your fault for telling him Santa's not real no it's your fault for hiring a crappy Santa well I'm sorry I didn't have the real Santa at the mall on Christmas Eve what can you call the real Santa no baby because Santa's not real is way too busy today what well yes Hannah's very busy it's Christmas Eve he has to load up his sleigh and then deliver presents to the Republic of Kiribati or some [ __ ] that that's where the day first starts I like your Jingle Bell thank you okay so you're telling me that you could actually get a hold of Santa Claus no I'm saying I can't because he's too busy well then you have to find a way to get a hold of me you're an elf and you can find a way to talk to him you know I'm not really an elf right I just work at the mall and take pictures listen can you please help me my son's breaking the plate and screaming and crying please get a hold of Santa what do you think we could do well the only thing I can think of is we kidnap the Tooth Fairy what the Tooth Fairy yeah the Tooth Fairy is Santa Claus's daughter not a lot of people know that but she is oh yeah yeah Santa and Mrs Claus had a daughter and they named a tooth so her name was tooth Claws and that was kind of scary especially because she collected teeth and she collected claws like whenever cats got declawed she would collect their claws and give them money but their cats so they didn't need the money so she stopped doing that but anyway they decided tooth claws was too scary so they named her the Tooth Fairy because that's a lot cuter okay so you just created another problem how do we get the Tooth Fairy here oh that's easy we just got to put somebody's tooth under a pillow okay well I don't have any teeth me neither oh I got one in my pocket hold on there you go who's tooth that I don't know some kid why do you have some kid's tooth in your pocket oh well I work at the mall right as an elf so there's a lot of kids around so this one kid ran up to me and he was like elf boy Elf boy and he kept throwing candy canes at me and I was like listen here you little [ __ ] if you don't knock it off I'm gonna punch you in the mouth and knock your teeth out and then he stomped on my foot so I popped him in the mouth and knocked his tooth out and he ran away crying and I was like now you're useless and Toothless you little [ __ ] so then I kept the tooth to warn anybody else who wants to mess with me that this used to be in someone's mouth until they met me I'm him I'm Timothy Jimmy John's oh okay so how do we get the Tooth Fairy here oh that's easy where's your comfiest bed just put it under the pillow and I'll take a nap oh come on okay all right here's the bed okay so let's just take this tooth and then put it under the pillow and then I can just tuck myself in do you have any warm milk no okay well I don't know how I'm gonna sleep without any warm milk listen we have to catch the Tooth Fairy okay then hi bro I'm asleep I sure am sleeping I could for the tooth get a Marvin only a quarter for that tooth you know what I had to do I had to punching kid that's not your tooth no and now we're gonna kidnap you yeah oh [ __ ] where'd you go I forgot she can poof well she can poop where the kidnapper yeah hey but look we have a quarter and we still have the tooth so we win she's dumb haha okay how are we gonna get Santa Claus to come here then I don't know let's just go back on the couch Marvin where's the Tooth Fairy we tried kidnapping her but she poofed away yeah but we got one of a quartus though so we robbed the Tooth Fairy yeah we robbed the tooth fairies you did what Santa Claus how long you been standing there long enough how dare you try to kidnap my daughter on the eve of Christmas no no no no we weren't trying to kidnap your daughter we were just trying to uh uh take one of her quarters yeah yeah because she she has the best quarters like this one's 1972 that that's rare I think you can't like to be a Santa Claus all annoying I know when you're sleeping I know when you're awake I know what's even bad or good it'll be good for goodness sake Santa just tried to smash you he did this man who did the sun to smash he did the smash it was a North Pole he did the smash he came in a Flash oh honey it was his idea get him fine go back to the North Pole I I work at JCPenney okay I'm going why what does that even mean come here and find out I sucked this candy cane so it was sharp maybe you can use like as a weapon or something holy talk to me uh you know what maybe I'll just stab myself I'm sorry like what did I do I feel so bad I'm out of here I'm out of here I said are you okay of course I'm not okay I got stabbed in the neck I'm dying there's something new yeah is this really Santa Claus uh yeah and he's dying oh Santa Claus is dying can I get you anything Santa Claus boy yes for my wish for my dying wish I would like some milk and cookies okay oh what the little boy yeah I'm a lie it is all thanks to you how can I ever repay you well there is something I want for Christmas maybe whatever it is done [Applause] this pole smells like a Captain D's hush puppy Jeffy I can't believe you wasted your wish on a stripper well she's a free stripper because I don't have to pay her and daddy guess what there's something wrong with her underwear what's wrong with it or not in my mouth oh my God you're so funny well Jeffy at least you're having a good Christmas who wants a lap dance right here oh Danny I'm gonna need you to leave so she can give me the second part of my Christmas gift I'm out of here well I'm just glad I didn't kill Santa oh man I don't think I could have lived with myself you know and I was really worried that I would become Santa like Tim Allen did in that movie I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility that's a lot of work anyway thanks for watching everybody Merry Christmas I hope you got what you wanted and if you didn't that's that's life that just happens sometimes at least we all have each other yeah [Music] [Applause] foreign class today you have a test today so today I'm going to come around and pass out your test today and you will take your test today and then you will turn in your test that you took today and upgrade your test tomorrow wait I'm confused where's the test today but we get our results tomorrow okay thank you I was very confused all right Jeffy here's your test I'm going to fail this show hard and here's your test today oh I didn't study all right cross you may be getting your test today and remember no cheating oh I don't know anything I chose I can't fail my mommy's gonna ground me I'm going to try to Google the answers fantastic sorry I didn't mean to you'll fail go to the principal's office now okay he's having a seizure someone get the nerves oh my God poor Patrick whoa dude that boy going bonkers no I think he's challenging us to a break dancing competition oh no way I can break dance better than him no I can't so guys he's having a seizure I bet his favorite pizza place is little seizures hey knock it off you're distracting me from my test it's foreign you just experienced a seizure now come with me to the nurse's office and we're gonna get you home oh it must have been my low blood sugar I have diabetes okay that was crazy all right Patrick I hope you get better soon I'll just go ahead and pass your test for today all right everyone back to taking your test no way just a goddamn second this kid needs to act like a bag of shake them up fries from Burger King and get you an A on his test and I'm over here scratching my balls trying to figure out why there's letters in mouth I passed them on his test because he had a medical emergency he couldn't help it okay that makes sense well if he can do it so can you teacher I don't feel so good oh my God I bet jeffy's favorite salad is seizure salad I'm really good at food-based seizure jokes tell me again not as good as last time oh my God another one now just calm down do I get to go home of course you do now come with me heck yes I'm out of here guys all right Jeffy I hope you feel better suck on this teach right this way I know man you guys are dropping like fries get back to taking your test guys I think Jeffy just faked his seizure so he didn't have to take his test it looks like he really seized the opportunity whoa that's messed up yeah what I thought we were making joke you can't make jokes about seizures that's wrong yeah it could be you you never know dude well bully was making food jokes I bet him and Patrick are gonna go eat at Steak and Shake [Applause] that's what a seizure does [ __ ] oh settle down you're supposed to be taking your test hey Jeffy what are you doing home from school so early school just started Jeffy well I got a show faster my tasty teacher said I could come home you got an A on your test I sure did that I passed that man with flying colors please she never got nay on your test before Jeffy that's amazing Jeffy yep and there's gonna be plenty more age on my desk coming around because you've been studying so hard yeah let's go with that well Jeffy we have to go out and celebrate but first go do your chores go do the dishes and take out the trash Jeffy knock it off go do your chores seizure hey there somebody call a doctor yes stop he won't stop shaking whoa whoa hey calm down champ tell him I can't do my chores doctor why is he shaking oh what's it mean like he's having a seizure why uh maybe he's epileptic what does that mean it means you have seizures well what causes them yeah how do you start from happening again everybody shut up I don't know I don't know okay I'm not a very good doctor and I cheated on that part of the test I don't really know anything about seizures I just know they have something to do with your brain okay then what can we do to stop Jeffy from having seizures in the future um I guess we could give him medication I mean I heard THC helps okay where do we get THC oh lucky for you I'm a doctor I can hook you up yeah my friend sold me these brownies and I was going to eat them alone in my house but I'm pretty sure there's a good amount of THC in here so if Jeffy has one he shouldn't have any more seizures all right Jeffy look eat a brownie and I'll eat one with you yeah me too what do us and those brownies have in common we're all baked whoa look at my boy Murphy is in space my guy he is [ __ ] zooted he is in Andromeda right now no no no no no no no no no he is he is beyond the Andromeda he is an Alpha Centauri he is riding the Hubble telescope whoa whoa Marvin Marvin look at this can you see my hand oh my God I have the reflexes of a cat oh I think I could catch a bullet oh my God I don't I don't I don't think Jeffy could take these brownies every day I can I I think he needs real medicine oh wait wait did you say something I I don't I don't feel good um hey I I think I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna go drive home Jeffrey I'm gonna go to bed okay now that we're all sobered up we have to find a realistic way to treat Jeffy seizures well maybe because Jeffy got so zooted it cured his seizures do you think they're cured Jeffy well it depends on you if you tell me to do my chores or not no I think you should stay away from chores I don't want you get dizzy or fall over yeah I agree no chores for me Marvin I think I have the munchies yeah me too let's go downstairs and get something to eat well if we don't get Peach I'm thinking I'm gonna have another seizure again so Marvin what are we gonna have for dinner yeah Daddy I know what you're gonna eat you're gonna eat a big old plate of green beans to help out your brain and need some vitamins oh no dad honey I feel it coming coming [Music] we have to call the doctor okay I will get a doctor doctor hey there somebody called Dr Doofenshmirtz what you know like Phineas and Ferb Candace Candace wiener fit in your mouth you're still zooted yeah I get hungry on the way back to my car so I had another brownie well look jeffy's having another seizure hey hey man calm down you're good bro see you're good what happened we tried feeding them green beans and he had another seizure oh I've seen what's going on here it's time for dessert is he Marvin no more seizures oh Jeffy my brother in Christ you're in another dimension my boy see he can see colors we can't even imagine colors that are not even on the color wheel hey Marvin hey Marvin you know who my favorite Yu-Gi-Oh monster is it's red eyes black dragon you get it because he's baked oh hey hey Marvin you know what pisses me off is when people say tomato tomato but like I've never heard anybody say tomato like like I'll give you that cheeseburger but no tomato nobody says that or like like potato potato like nobody says potato either like like I'm gonna go play with my Mr Potato Head or or give me that bowl of mashed potatoes oh man okay all right I think I'm gonna go home okay now that we're all back to normal Jeffy we have to find a real way to cure your seizures other than eating those brownies but Marvin those brownies help jeffy's seizures well we can't eat those brownies his whole life you can't function being like that all the time so Jeffy just go to your room and lay down until we find out a way to help you but I wanted to play four Fortnight all night you can't play fortnite Debbie that's a video game and a video game it's flashing lights on a screen that will cause another seizure it will yeah so go lay down but what if the video games help my seizures it won't Jeffrey just go lay down and rest oh great and make a loud noise if you have a seizure okay guys guess um uh wiener is it a wiener a crook a crooked wiener a crooked wiener I'm seeing a crooked wiener no uh uh drippy wiener a crooked drippy wiener no it has uh big a balls a crooked drippy weiner with big balls no look Cody it's a faucet like a water faucet oh I'm so close hey guys oh hey Jeffy I have a question did you want did you fake the seizures at school today to get out of taking the test sure did Junior and I've been faking seizures all day and getting baked red Jeffy was faking it this whole time oh he's so grounded baby Little Marvin did you know you know that you heard Jeffy tell his friends that he faked to see Jordan score today to get out of taking a test what so it all makes sense now Jeffy fake the seizure to not do his chores he fake decision not eating these green beans faking his seizures all day oh my God Marvin what do we do we whoop them Jeffy get in here dearest father are you going to give me a spanking oh you're damn right I'm gonna give you a spanking whatever fall because you've been faking your seniors all day Jeffy no I haven't yes you have oh he's actually having a seizure I'm not falling for it this time Jeffy knock it off all right you caught me stage have you been faking your seizures that is so wrong that if you're making fun of people who have seizures I'm sorry Danny no Debbie there's people out there really suffering procedure you're sitting there faking it for your own personal gain that is so wrong Jeffy I know Daddy I will never do it again you better never do it again right it's so wrong you know what I'll have to call that doctor back and let them know that we're sorry for wasting his time because Jeffy was faking his seizures all right I'm just starting to think you guys are just calling me for my brownies no no no no no brownies I just want to let you know that jeffy's been faking seniors all day and I want you to tell him it's wrong it's all good in the hood bro but no it's not all good in the hood what Jeffy did was wrong I want to be grounded hey hey man you need to calm down you know what I think I think you need to have some more brownies to see you Marvin you're not so mad anymore are you hey hey you know what word I hate nonchalant and it doesn't even have an s in it it's shalant with the CH and that's some [ __ ] and you notice you can never be shalant just nonchalant you never hear anybody say man I am very chalant I'm having a bad day I'm feeling very chalant today you never hear that hey hey you know what else is crazy like like wood comes from trees but houses are made of wood so if you think about it all houses are tree houses man damn [Music] Marvin our Halloween costumes are so cute jeffy's The Cat in the Hat and we're Thing One and Thing Two and thing three is in my pants I'm just tired of Halloween already Marvin don't say that Halloween's amazing you get to dress up in costumes you get to car pumpkins and and you get to go trick-or-treating cat penis Jeffy stop it well Danny what does a cat weiner look like I don't know I'm gonna google it listen I'm just I'm tired of Halloween like you're dressed up in costumes every year it's so short I don't want to look at a cat weiner Jeffy why is it bigger than mine put your phone away Jeffy okay so what does everyone want to do for Halloween well I think since I'm dressed up as the Cat in the Hat I should try to rhyme every time I talk okay uh what's your favorite candy Reese's Pieces um what's your favorite part about Halloween Reese's Pieces you can't say Reese's Pieces to everything Jeffy uh what's your favorite color Reese's Pieces but that's not a color Marvin maybe he's saying he likes the color orange and brown and yellow pillow yellow and pillow don't rhyme Jeffy yes it does Santa Claus that doesn't rhyme okay look I'm gonna stop getting so mad about your stupid costuming in the Rhymes all right listen so what are we gonna do first let's car pumpkin watch carved pumpkins I asked which carved pumpkins but you can't rhyme your first sentence with one of your card pumpkins Jeffy come on okay Jeffy you're gonna carve this big pumpkin right here and I'm gonna carve this tiny one if my weiner will your pumpkin it'd be the tiny one that didn't rhyme Jeffy Reese's Pieces you can't end every sentence with Reese's Pieces that doesn't count well rhyming's too hard try and give up okay look let's just carve this pumpkin what is carved pumpkin mean a baby show what it means okay you take a knife and then you stab your pumpkin like this murderer you're supposed to do that with cardi pumpkins is come on Jeffrey you guys kill your baby pumpkin we were carving that's how you carve pumpkins Jeffy hey there somebody called the cops or should I say a Jedi what hold on damn it stupid thing um give it a second it's supposed to light up a Jedi isn't that sick isn't technology amazing learn how to tie your shoes sure didn't anyway why'd you guys really call me my parents are murderers oh no were they killing younglings that sounds like sit baby I took care of them but what's really going on okay we were carving pumpkins and we stabbed the baby pumpkin in front of the mommy pumpkin yeah oh okay first of all actually also anyway nevertheless uh carving pumpkins is not illegal we were trying to tell Jeffy that it's not illegal yeah okay so I'm gonna go back home and pass out candy which is what you should be doing okay all right guys we're gonna do what the cop said we're gonna go pass out candy come on all right Jeffy when you hear the doorbell you're gonna pass out candy okay okay there's someone at the door that's what Jeffy you're supposed to wait for me to open the door oh okay trick or treat ow Jeffy no you're supposed to toss the candy in the bag oh okay let me try again don't give me more kick ow I raise these cups we all passed out candy to racist cops no Reese's Cups all right look you got enough candy so you can go but he didn't put the candy in your bag look just go okay okay Jeffy I'm gonna pass out candy to the next trick-or-treater because you don't know how to do it there's someone else your boy Dougie you're supposed to say trick or treat trick is chicken what no no you can't trick or treat at your own house but I don't want no candy almost I'm not giving you money well I need the new cooler is due to this look you can get that later well I'm big man oh yeah bye your boy Dougie okay look let's go upstairs and figure out something else because handing out candy is not fun okay we just passed up candy we carved pumpkins I'm ready to go to bed no Marvin we still have to go trick-or-treating yeah Daddy I want your candy okay let's hurry up and go trick or treat let's get over with actually Marvin I'm tired I'm gonna stay home well no if anyone gets to stay home it's me I don't want to go out in the cold well someone has to pass out candy yeah Daddy she's got a point I'll pass out the candy no Marvin you're Thing One Thing Two by themselves doesn't make any sense yay I got a thing do right here monaroos okay come on let's just go okay Jeffy let's hurry up and go trick-or-treating so I can go to bed trick or treat hello trick or treat what the [ __ ] what Jeffy don't throw candy at him uh what are you doing here Goodman I'm here for your health payment Marvin already yeah because it's the end of the month oh well me and my son were about to go trick-or-treating Marvin do you know what my costume is you're a horse yeah and in case you're wondering if the carpets do match the dreams I got a horse cleaner Marvin okay yeah so since you don't have my house payment I'm taking your candy that you're gonna give out to the kids in your neighborhood so now you look like an [ __ ] don't do that come on Jeffy let's go okay Jeffy this is the first house Danny why do I have a cupcake pan because we didn't have any trash bags are we poor yes Jeffy be nice hello trick or treat suck my ass for Jeffy oh what lovely man that's the spirit I'm count succulent I can suck anyone off yes you can how was her first victim before you knocked on the door thanks for interrupting uh what are you supposed to be oh I'm tiger the rapper Oh I thought you were Tigger oh you weren't let off from getting the ass whooping boy here you go get some candy all right Jeffy what do you say piss off come on oh kind of succulent I think I need to be a victim again yeah okay Jeffy this is the next house this is not the candy you're looking for oh hey it's you guys I guess you came here for the good candy what's this no one can have those those are my favorite now boy need help be stingy with the candy yeah this is my wife she's a mermaid it has nothing to do with Star Wars it was a prince fabric yeah well I don't know who that is so you can have fun passing out the candy but don't give them my Reese's Pieces uh can we have some candy please okay sure more Jeffrey no come on I handed out the candy wait a minute one two Karen told my racist faces I'm missing you're what my Princess Peach and bees oh Oh I thought you said Reese's cup we don't have any Reese's Cups Karen well I'm sorry pointy I didn't understand okay Jonathan what are you doing here what's this I'm your brother I figured it was okay for just walk in your house no leave you didn't even ask me what my outfit was I'm tomato because you're like oh you get it Carrie show me your chose oh I'm a mermaid I don't have toes show me a booby Shin okay Jonathan I think you need to leave can I have some candy first no don't tell Mom damn it Karen I can't believe you gave away two of my Reese's Pieces I'm gonna I know where those people live I'm gonna go find them and I'm gonna get my candy back boy did you leave those nice people alone okay guys let's look at all the candy we got from trick-or-treating yeah okay well I got some fruit roll-ups I have not quite enough Snickers to spell snickers but I can spell Rick's and I have some Starburst Cody what is your Halloween costume supposed to be yeah dude I was wondering that all day really come on I'm Harry Potter [Music] oh you look like a lawyer but a lawyer is this what you think a lawyer looks like well you have a tie on and a suit and the Harvard scarf what did you think this thing in my hand was um like a pin so you could write down stuff in court but no why do you think I have a broom so you can sweep up your office dude I thought you were a lawyer but from Antarctica Antarctica yeah because of the scarf duh oh yeah no Joseph what is your coffee supposed to be isn't it obvious dude I'm a green astronaut oh yeah a famous green astronaut I've heard of those uh Cody you never asked what my costume is yeah I'm trying not to think about it well come on guess is it my mom no but really no it's not your mom it's your mom but in Minecraft he's thinking outside the box Junior you've already been my mom for Halloween before but I've never been your mom in Minecraft that's true okay guys let's trade some candy okay what's your first offer okay well I really want that Starburst so I'll trade you a Milky Way for your Starbucks no no no no no way and no way I'm trading my Starburst for a little tiny mini Milky Way okay how about this I will trade you um oh my KitKat for the starburst no no how about your Cheez-Its for my Starburst I'm not trading my Cheetos I love Cheez-Its okay so how about I trade you my fruit snacks for your Starburst well I already have much fruit snacks and that's actually pretty similar so no oh okay okay Joseph uh you have two Starbucks so I'm gonna trade you something um I'll trade you my Cheez-Its for your Starburst what the [ __ ] dude that's exactly what I wanted but he has two Starbursts so he he has like more to trade than you do yeah dude I'm not gonna pass up on a good deal but it's the same it's not the same deal look now give me my give me yeah shouldn't have been greedy should give me the starburst this is [ __ ] hey guys call me your bakers man cause y'all gotta cupcake pan oh sweet Lord Jesus are those reasons oh dude I'll treat you all my candy for the Reese's Pieces my candy for the Reese's peasy oh no I want the reason BG back off guys the races PCS are mine well I'm done with this stupid holiday baby can you help me take my costume off okay Marvin be careful you don't want to touch my thing one my my one thing what Daddy I struggle check it out two packs of Reese's Pisces wow Jimmy that's really cool yeah I'm gonna eat them not so fast those riceies pieces of mine what what we actually he got him trick-or-treating so they're his yeah well Mike and I hate to call her this my wife accidentally passed those out and she knows their mind so I am taking these and if you have a problem with that you're gonna die well then you're gonna have to fight me oh yeah I'm gonna run things out yeah oh no I dropped my lightsaber if you strike me down I'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine I am I'm telling my mommy all right daddy opening up a pack of these Reese's [ __ ] [Music] Jeffy what are you doing I'm in my lion costume daddy a lion doesn't go well this one does Jeffy look take your costume off it's not Halloween no Daddy I just want you to put it on you make sure it was scary no it's not scary Jeffy well I bet if I ate someone's face off it'd be scary chippy you're not Jeffrey Dahmer you're a lion well my name's Jeffy just just go outside Jeffy all right I'm playing at the playground with my pencil no shoes and my pants are down this is a good day so baby yeah Marvin jeffy's outside and we're all alone oh so I was thinking maybe I can give you a full body massage okay Marvin I see where this is going see what it leads to [Music] nothing let's do it again no that the news is on let's watch the news oh freaking news Okay a lion has escaped from the local zoo and attacked a child at a park we have an exclusive interview with the child now let's go to that now I was at the park with my favorite Panther that I always bring with me to the park and then suddenly a lion attack me and I stabbed him in your nose wow truly terrifying if you've seen this lion please call 9-1-1 immediately there's a ten thousand dollar reward for anyone who finds him oh thank God Jeffy there you are you have to go inside right now there's a line on the loose don't you yell at me Jeffy get inside why Jeffy knock it off oh good mom Jeffy yeah but he won't stop acting like a lion wow Jeffy your Aurora's gotten really good Jeffy just go to your room did he do Marvin he clawed opened the couch Jeffy you're not a real lion you can't do that yeah Jeffy go cut your fingernails oh it's gonna cost so much money to fix the couch all right World hear me roar roar hey what's going on gotcha you little bastard don't worry everybody I caught the lion where are you taking me with a talking lion no no no I think I still have some of those brownies in my system come on let's go put you down oh baby yeah oh I love the way that feels oh Mom oh hey what are you doing I'm beating my meat oh leave me alone let me beat it in peace I can help Cody I know how to beat my meat by myself okay leave me alone I can use my mouth just get out of here get out of here scramble little brats what did you guys do with my meat well we didn't do anything with it you wouldn't let me help look I was beating my mean then you guys came in now it's gone I'm sorry for interrupting but I can help you get it back up yeah help me get it back all right whip it out no no not bad I'm talking about steak what steak oh my God God Cody Marvin what's wrong Chef Pee Pee have you guys seen my meat what senior meat yes it's big and floppy I was just beating it in the kitchen what no we haven't seen your meat come on now somebody seen it because somebody grabbed it now tell me who grabbed it I didn't grab your meat did you grab it up your meat I know you grabbed it you look like you grabbed me come on now I did not I didn't know you baby you grabbed this meat Marvin I didn't grab his meat now I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to taste something what what you grabbed it and give you a taste of it I promise I'm gonna call the cops you're being perverted Chef Pee be perverted I'm just talking about my state yes baby steak or give it back get my meat out your mouth give it up sorry Chef PeePee yeah that's my meat don't touch my meat no more chappie you know what you're grounded for taking Chef peepee's meat come on all right Jeffy lay down and go to sleep it's past your bedtime anyway hey you better calm down you're lucky I'll let you wear your line costume to bed go to sleep wow so Marvin did you yeah but he was fighting it so we're alone again yeah do you want to give me another back massage oh no I'm not gonna fall for that again miss toots Colombo well come on Marvin how about if I give you a back massage okay that's what I'm talking about okay lay down [Music] hey Marvin look up real quick what I'm leaving you I'm leaving here the news is on the the news breaking news McKay the lion that escaped from the zoo has been found since the animal attacked someone he has been deemed too dangerous to keep alive he is being euthanized by firing squad tomorrow on pay-per-view thank God they caught that line before it hurts someone ah my eyes are so itchy what's wrong Marvin my eyes are itchy oh my God your eyes are pink they're pink why would they be pink I don't know maybe I'm thinking call the doctor okay I'm gonna call the doctor hey there somebody called a very happy doctor why are you so happy because I caught the lion you lion no no I'm not Hey listen here okay it was on the news there was proof the city paid me to catch that lion okay I don't appreciate you calling me a liar because I caught the lion and it's going to be executed tomorrow morning by firing squad on pay-per-view anyway why'd you call me because my eyes are pink well that could be caused by one of two things either you've been having some of those special brownies I make or you got pink eye what's pink eye that's when you get [ __ ] in your eye what yeah you get some fecal particles in your eye and it makes them all red and itchy but fecal particles yeah you know doodoo how do do get my eye well I don't know uh I guess sometimes when you're wiping your butt you know and your finger breaks through the toilet paper you get some poo poo on your finger and then you rub your eye and then you know you get pink who would do that you apparently no that's not what I did could it happen from someone farting in your face yeah but why would that ever happen what if your wife did it to you twice what oh my god did she do that it was a prank yeah she parked right my face no no do you want to press charges I would like to yeah because she fart right my face it was wet and stinky it was funny if my wife did that to me they would make a Netflix documentary about what I did I would kill her what you listen how do I fix the pink eye well I could give you some uh you know some antibiotic eye drops but I don't have those on me so you'd have to go to a pharmacy like Walgreens or CVS or Walmart Pharmacy or Kmart is that still a thing I don't think they had pharmacies when they were around so don't go there okay so what do I do well just don't let her fart on you again but definitely get that looked at it's so itchy sorry you gave me pink eye I'm sorry all right everyone my meat is ready who wants to taste it oh I'll try it all right baby while you taste his meat I'm gonna go ask Jeffy if he's hungry because he hasn't ate anything for dinner okay Jeffy Jeffy I agree listen there's a steak in there if you want to eat some wow okay mister for raising your voice at me now you have to eat green beans so come on come on baby I'm gonna go feed Jeffy green beans because he talked back to me how was Chef peebies meat oh it was really good nice and juicy wait there's no bite taken out of steaks again duh I'm gonna go feed Jeffy green beans Japanese doing on the table got you a big old play green beans so eat up Mister you are so crowded come on baby I'm sorry Marvin it won't ever happen again what no no Jeffy threw his plate of green beans on the ground Marvin he always does that well I'm sick of it so you're grounded Jeffy and also I found out that Jeffy has homework oh but why don't you With It Marvin okay Jeffy I'll help you with your homework okay what is the estimate of three point five nine six plus two point four anyway Jeffy you're the one in school not me you're the one has to do this homework so do it [Applause] hey [Applause] he bit my hand oh my God Murphy your hand looks like sir Jimmy I might press charges on another 218 you might go to jail oh my God my hand hurts so bad hey you are not gonna raise your voice in me sir okay we're gonna use our inside voices like adults now tell me what happened my hand Jesus Christ look at your hand what happened oh my God has anybody seen his hand my son bit my hand what your son did that yeah that's not your son that's a lion he's just in a lion costume huh how about that wow that is a really realistic lion costume way to get it Spirit Halloween no he did not get that at a Spirit Halloween now if you don't want to tell me just say so listen what are we gonna do about my head man that's pretty torn up you want to press charges yeah because he didn't even say he was sorry nah that looks pretty bad you might need stitches it hurts really bad hold on hold on I'm having a flashback here hmm oh my God what I just remembered I didn't wash my hands after I wiped ew I'm gonna get pink eye now what about me hey you already have pink eye what are you kidding it's gross gross wait wait I'm having another thought huh that lion I caught was in your front yard you lying told you that it was on the news there's proof okay what were you talking about what were you talking about I damn it I forgot you you were saying something we're trying to remember backtrack okay hold on stinky fingers pick it on you and how you said there's a line in my front yard yes yes the lion I caught was in your front yard and he could talk you lying hey okay I kill you okay you said a lion could talk Lions can't talk oh this lion could talk hold on make your lion talk Jeffy say hi say what's up he can't talk this Lane can't talk but the lion I caught said he wasn't a lion so he wasn't lying huh maybe he wasn't lying maybe he really wasn't a lion maybe I caught your son what and if I caught your son then that means was your son and he came quietly I don't want to die come on think of something hmm I have an idea oh man that is some good cat nip I can see why cats love it so much oh Marvin Marvin look at the lion he he's just lying around oh he's not a lion he's a high end because he is suited out of his goddamn mind man's is stuck oh man this is great but we got to stop doing this to fix some problems wait wait I gotta go save Jeffy before he's executed by firing squad tomorrow morning and I got ah he's not waking up okay okay come on come on hey Marvin I saved Jeffy just in the nick of time too they were about to blow his head off yeah I felt like I was in Call of Duty good that's that's good wait you guys ain't catnip without me help yourself today was a wacky day Marvin are we still watching a scary movie tonight yes baby jeffy's put on his pajamas then he's going to bed and then we're gonna watch a scary movie so I'm sorry Daddy check the fit I got my bunny shooting on got my carrot charm I'm ready for bed oh you are ready for bed Jeffy so how about you hop on over to your bed and go to sleep no what do you mean no before I did off to bed I have request what's your Teensy request I would like one pepperoni pizza Jeffrey you're not getting a pepperoni pizza before bed well I want pizza Jeffy say please my balls itch okay first off even if he says please he's not getting a pizza before bed and also Debbie but what about your boss and just stop it Daddy listen pizza before bed will uh give you nightmares Peach of these nuts what I'll give you a pizza something Jeffy you you can't you said the the punch line before the pizza these nuts look you're not getting pizza before bed Danny I assure you your night will go a lot smoother if you get me pizza is that a threat no Danny it's not a threat I'm just saying the back of my money suit opens up and it exposes my butt cheeks and I had one of those warnery poops today and I didn't wipe my turd tunnel so I have plans on rubbing it across your couch like writing happy birthday on a birthday cake but instead of icing it's gonna be [ __ ] from my poop hole Marvin I kind of want a pizza now how'd that make you hungry I am going to wipe my poop hole the dirty poop hole across your couch like smearing Crayola crayons okay Jeffy I'll get you a damn pizza great all right Jeffy here's your pepperoni pizza what's wrong why are things on it those are pepperonis what under the pepperonis well I want the pepperonis taking off okay fine I'll take the pepperonis off all right Jeffy I took all the pepperonis off the pizza so you can eat it I don't want it anymore I want hot dogs you're scaring me Jeffy you're gonna eat this damn pizza on Marvin the sooner he eats the sooner we can watch our movie baby you're not gonna actually play his game he wants hot dogs now you want hot dogs Jeffy yeah Mommy but you're gonna want to write this down because I like my like my dogs a certain way okay yeah I should check it this is what I want I want two hot dogs boiled then when you're done cooking I want you to put them on a plate Loosely no bun or anything because I like to watch them roll around then on the center of the plate I want you to put ketchup and mustard on there but it's up to you to balance the plate so that the hot dogs don't touch the ketchup and mustard because if they do you're gonna have to start all over and then to drink I want some of the water that the hot dogs were cooked in with milk then once you got all that together go ahead and put that in the trash because I'm not gonna want that either more request but Daddy you know my request s but I only want the stringy part good night Jeffy oh Jeffy frustrate me so much calm down Marvin let's just watch the movie and look we have cheese pizza we can eat yeah you're right and I guess if you want to add some sausage to that pizza that's right you picked it off and put it in the corner but those are pepperoni not sausage pepperoni is a type of sausage no it's not okay well let's just see it's scary Jeffy it's really scary you can't watch it well how scary is it scarier scary it's scary well I can watch you I'm a big boy no Debbie's gonna give you nightmares it's a really scary movie I don't care Danny because y'all want to watch it oh you know what fine and we'll watch it but when you get nightmares you don't come crying to me okay I won't go cry Daddy it's called Nightmare on poopy street right [Music] okay [Music] [Applause] wait why am I jogging at night suck my balls [Music] damn cat I'm tired of you scratching me while I sleep go get out of here shoe man the damn cat ruined my favorite white sleeping shirt what's wrong honey come back to bed the cat scratched me while I was sleeping I told you we should get that thing declawed I know I know it's just it's like cutting off their fingertips I just don't feel comfortable doing it it's just a cat okay I'm not gonna argue right now okay I'm tired hold on do that again oh yeah a little lower right here oh yeah that's it that's the spot that's good okay all right you can kill me now definitely we told you it was a scary movie Joey kill you in your dreams he didn't kill you in real life yeah that's the point of the movie when you see Jeffy sure I'm not going to dream about him well I mean you just watched the movie so you might Marvin well I'm just being honest like he's not gonna kill you because he's not real but you might have a nightmare about it I'm just telling the truth baby I'm never going to sleep ever again what are you doing Jeffy I'm trying to keep my eyes open till I don't go to sleep at some point you have to close your eyes Jeffy no I don't you're gonna have to go to sleep at some point you're not all right Jeffy how about this what if I have this special little thing that will stop him from coming in your dreams special little thing yeah look come to your bed come on okay okay Jeffy come in the bed but then my sheets will be all sticky get in the bed Jeffrey okay all right Jeffy if you just go to sleep Freddy won't come in your dream okay well how are we gonna stop Freddy from blowing a load in my dream he's not going to come in here he's not going to go in your dreams because you I have this special little tool and this tool will stop Freddy from coming going into your dream you won't dream about Freddy if you have the special tool okay the tools right here it's this chapstick so they say if you have a chopstick on your bed then Freddy will stay dead okay I'll let you know when that makes sense so you can sleep and have all the dreams you want because this chapstick will stop Freddy from going into your dream so good night Jeffy okay behind Daddy all right my daddy said there's always I have my Chapstick then I'll be safe all right time to go to sleep [Music] wait a minute I'm on the same strain is that movie that means Jackie I'm just trying to check on you what Jeffy where'd you go Jeffy Jeffy but how you feeling like that Jimmy dude take it back and back Oh Daddy that Freddy guy came in my dream no we didn't Jeffy you were just having a nightmare okay well I mean you were just being shaken in the air like you were just floating there so so he actually probably was in your dream and picked you up he he is real yeah we have to go they called the cops what why because Freddy's and jeffy's dream trying to kill him what hey there somebody called the cops yes oh I can see why why not just order a cheese pizza who orders a pepperoni pizza and then picks the pepperonis off that should be a felony officer I have a question is pepperoni a sausage everything was a sausage to my ex-wife especially the next door neighbor while I was at work did he pepperoni that's not funny my wife cheated on me with my neighbor it was heartbreaking but I'm glad you got to make your little pepperoni joke anyway what do you find people need you need my help eating this pizza huh you need my help opening the garlic sauce you need my help dripping clothes and I help you no listen have you seen the movie Nightmare on Elm Street which one there's like nine well whichever one has Freddy Krueger in it that would be all of them so yes well listen Freddy Krueger's and jeffy's dream trying to kill him Marvin that's ridiculous oh no I believe him Freddy is very real and he kills people all the time as a matter of fact whenever we can't solve a case we just chalk it up to Freddy well Freddy's in jeffy's dream trying to kill him how do we stop Freddy well I have good news and bad news uh the good news is stopping him is pretty easy I know a guy who does that all the time you do what's his name maybe you've heard of Jason Voorhees he's my cousin he is oh yeah he kicks Freddie's ass all the time so that's the good news oh the column well see that's the bad news the bad news is he lives on the bottom of a lake and he only comes out on Friday the 13th and today is Saturday the 29th not even [ __ ] close well well maybe even like maybe you can do you a favor and come out today instead of the 13th I mean he lives on the bottom of a lake so I can't really call him but I guess I could send an email yeah do whatever you have to do uh hey Cuzzo it's me you know that thing you usually do on Friday the 13th uh need you to do that on Saturday the 29th please thank you very much okay well let's see if he answers [Music] oh hey look everybody he showed up I I know Jason I'm sorry I know it's not your day we just really need your help yeah so so Mr Voorhees Jason Mister um my son Jeffy he's been having a lot of bad dreams about this Freddy guy that's trying to kill him and we want to know how to stop him [Music] okay so uh Jason says that Jeffy needs to go back to sleep and when he dreams about Freddy he needs to steal Freddie's hat because Freddy hates that and that'll bring Freddie into the real world and then Jason can kick his ass oh okay all right Jeffy let's go to sleep so you can take Freddy's how to ride okay uh uh Jason also wants to know if you're gonna finish that garlic sauce in the pizza because we're hungry you guys can have it all right Jeffy go to sleep and when you see Freddy you grab his hat okay all right Daddy all right I'm back on your street now where is it oh I got your hat Daddy I got that give it a Jessie give it to Jason [Music] um hey he did it yeah he killed Freddy yeah he does that but uh don't let him catch you on Friday the 13th he's not gonna be so friendly that's when he kills everybody so Jeffy I hope you learned your lesson not to watch scary movies I sure did Danny so what are we gonna do for the rest of the night do you want to watch the sequel yeah okay honey [Music] what are you still attracted to me yes of course it's just we never spend time together anymore it's just I've been really busy recently and I'm working a lot of hours and I'm just I'm tired okay you never even hold my hand you are my hand just go back to sleep okay honey I told you I'm not in the mood right now oh kill me [Music] hey Daddy what happened to your eye I don't know what I mean you don't know you have a black eye Jeffy did someone hit you Jeffy I can't remember well you mean you can't remember I would remember if someone hit me in the eye or not I just don't know who did it Marvin we should call the cops someone assaulted Jeffy you can't spell assault without ass Jeffy did someone hit you or not I don't know well we're gonna call the cops they're gonna find out who did it because they'll take that DNA off your eye and check everyone's fist Marvin what if jeffy's afraid to tell us because the person that hit him is threatening to hurt him more if he does Jeffy is someone threatening you I don't know if you say I don't know one more time I'm gonna hit you well now someone's threatening me I'm just gonna call the cops hey there somebody call the cops yes officer someone assaulted my son apparently you can't spell assault without ass Bingo this guy knows what I'm talking about look we just want to press charges on whoever did it okay well who did it uh we don't know what do you mean you don't know you can't press charges on somebody if you don't know who they are Jeffy can't remember who did it but can't you like scan his eye for like their fist print with fistprint what are you talking about you could scan fingerprints right yeah so like can't you scan like the fist print and like go in the fist print database and find out whose fist it was fist print database that doesn't exist whether the fingerprint database and fists are just curled up fingers so like can't you like get like a fist out of the fingerprints what no no okay that's not that's not gonna happen but who how can we find out who did it well the only way we're gonna find out is if he tells us or if the person who punched him punches somebody else and they tell us who it was like if it was like a Serial puncher well can't you put out like an alert that like there's someone going around punching people I'm not gonna put out an alert for a like fist vigilante what but she's punching people he's on the loose right now we don't even know what the guy looks like so then what are we supposed to do okay I'll tell you what you figure out who it is and I'll arrest them okay all I know is I didn't do it well I didn't ask if you did it I know but but you're going to start asking questions about who did it and I just want to eliminate myself as a suspect because I did punch a kid in the face today but it wasn't him why'd you punch it in the face oh he had it coming believe me I'll tell you so earlier today I was patrolling in the park right and it was a beautiful day so I was just walking around minding my own business and then all of a sudden out of nowhere this kid runs up and he shoves me and he yells tag you're it and I'm like what the hell what is this some kind of game so I start chasing him around and I'm putting on the burners right because this kid is fast and he's running around he's giggling he yells you never can you catch me and I'm like oh when I catch you I'm gonna beat your ass so then we're running around all over the park and then he trips and he falls in a sandbox and I'm like oh I got you now you little bastard and then he kicks sand in my face and I'm like oh you're not gonna kick sand at me so I punch him in the face and I'm like tag you're it and then he starts crying and then his mom runs over and she's like you just punch my son in the face I'm like yeah I did what are you gonna do about it so I throw her on the ground and I start arresting her and then all these people run up with their phones out and they start taking videos of me and I'm like that's not good so I start throwing Haymakers I start punching everybody there who has a phone and then I take all their phones so there's no evidence of what I did and I run away so yeah that's why I punched that kid today well I guess if that's the only kid you punch wait a minute I did punch another kid today what you did why oh don't worry it wasn't your son but you got to hear this this one's even worse so I run back to my house with all the phones I sold from the people at the park right and I throw them down on the counter and I'm like honey sell these phones on eBay because we're gonna need the money for all the lawsuits we're about to get so she asked me where the phones came from and I said I confiscated them from some criminals she goes okay well I made you some pizza rolls for dinner so I start jumping up and down because I love me some pizza rolls so I grab a handful of them and she's like careful honey those are hot and I'm like shut up [ __ ] so I start shoving those pizza rolls in my mouth right and then my mouth is on fire those pizza rolls are boiling hot they're burning the crap out of my mouth I mean they burn the roof of my mouth so bad I get a little piece of skin that's hanging down and I keep playing with it with my tongue it sucks and then my wife my wife has the audacity to say I told you they were hot so I throw the plate at her I'm like I know I know what I did wrong you don't have to tell me I should have listened I know shut up so then I'm in a bad mood right and then I hear the doorbell ring and I'm like oh this must be the angry mob from the park they want the phones back but it's not it's just some Girl Scouts selling Girl Scout cookies so then I open the door they say do you want some Girl Scout cookies and I'm like hell yeah I want some Girl Scout cookies shut up why am I even here take my money so I give him a 20 right and then you're not gonna believe this the Girl Scout says okay your cookies are gonna be here in two to three weeks what I'm like wait what the hell what kind of Ponzi scheme is this are you even really a girl scout so I punch her in the face and I take my money back like two to three weeks for cookies what is this the new iPhone of Girl Scout cookies I'm looking to pre-order cookies that's ridiculous I could order cookies on Amazon Prime and get them faster so I go to the store and I buy myself some Chips Ahoy and I'm happy so I sit down on the couch and I'm like two to three weeks for cookies my ass I say as I shove a cookie into my mouth in anger and then I hurt myself because I remember I already burned my mouth on the pizza rolls so now my mouth hurts and I hate that stupid little piece of skin that's hanging down off the roof of my mouth just nah God I hate it anyway that was the second kid I punched so you only punched two kids yep just two kids I mean a whole bunch of adults at the park who had phones but just two kids and none of them were your son so how are we gonna find find out who punched Jeffy I don't know just ask around but be quick because I might get fired by the end of the day Marvin what are we gonna do okay so we have to go ask everyone we know if they saw who punched Jeffy or if they punch Jeffy so let's split up so we can ask more people okay Marvin [Music] thank you

Channel: Jeffy Marathons

Views: 2,145,393

Keywords: SMLMarathons, SML, Jeffy, sml 1 hour, sml 2 hours, sml 3 hours, sml 4 hours, sml 5 hours, sml 6 hours, sml 7 hours, sml 8 hours, sml 9 hours, sml 10 hours, sml jeffy marathon, sml junior marathon, sml joseph marathon, sml cody marathon, sml penelope marathon, sml marvin marathon, sml rose marathon, sml bully marathon, sml patrick marathon, sml jackie chu marathon, sml goodman marathon, sml richard marathon, sml chives marathon, sml chef pp marathon, sml shrek marathon, jeff

Id: 3QSlzkZn9lo

Length: 120min 1sec (7201 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 20 2023