Skyrim, but 10 cheese wheels spawn every second.

hey this is doug doug also known as the place we solve problems that nobody has gather round my dear listeners for this is the story of how santa claus saved skyrim's christmasy glory it all started when santa had an idea you see instead of presents this year i'll give skyrim cheese dozens and hundreds and thousands of cheese i'll give cheese to skyrim and they'll shout out with glee so santa packed up his cheese and set off with a grin but he was caught trying to cross the border into skyrim so when santa finally awoke something was not right the people of skyrim aren't celebrating christmas tonight santa's giving out cheese but no one seemed to care it seems like there's no christmas spirit in the air what was going on why was no one here jolly where were the christmas decorations in holly something had gone terribly wrong santa knew and it quickly became clear what santa must do he must travel skyrim and figure out why why no one is celebrating christmas tonight step towards the block when we call your name one at a time blessings of the eight divines upon for the love of talos shut up and let's get this over we getting there are we getting there on dancer on prancer on dasher and vixen santa was a prisoner and he nearly got smacked but lucky for him a big dragon soon attacked and santa escaped and ran off with his cheese sack oh there's so much cheese whoa okay uh to save skyrim's christmas santa's first task is clear he must escape helgen and get out of here what are you waiting for up the stairs now merry christmas all right prisoner keep close to me if you want to stay that way oh god there's still so much cheese from earlier quit i could cut you loose inside the key inside helgen keep santa looked left and right it was clear he was going to get in a few fights so he decided the best strategy for using his might st nicholas might have punched a guy during the council of nicaea during the first eku men's echomencol council of nicaea arius was called upon to defend his position on the inferiority of christ saint nicholas just couldn't listen to all of arius's nonsense and so he stood up and laid into areas with his fist we know historically that saint nicholas just beats the [ __ ] out of heretics so that's our plan we're we're a melee build hear that storm close maybe we can reason with them uh oh some heretics santa's gotta fight his way through so he readied his two fists santa knew what to do i got two presents for you two boys and girls [Music] merry christmas [ __ ] after running through dungeons and spreading his cheese santa's escaped helgen he's finally free but he still needs to get info from wherever he could so he went to alvor the blacksmith in old riverwood sigrid we have company what a dragon we need to get word to jarl balgruff in whiterun to send whatever soldiers he can alvor didn't know why skyrim christmas isn't here but he suggested the city of whiterun it's awfully near how far did you really see a dragon there's a child in here where is it where is the child is the child alive oh there it is what the [ __ ] oh there's a downstairs i've been leaking cheese into the downstairs this whole time child merry christmas have you been a good girl this year i have no idea if the child's alive clear a path no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no merry christmas alvar he shouts santa's work here was done now it's off down the road to the city of white run as he opened the gates santa's heart filled with glee all of these happy skyrim citizens and the old christmas tree he ran through the streets spreading cheese with a flash until out in the market wait who the [ __ ] is that he sold do you get to the cloud district very often oh what am i saying of course you don't who is this man this devil nazeem he is wearing santa's clothing it seems this all now makes sense why christmas isn't here nazeem stole all skyrim's christmasy cheer this man must be stopped santa now knows by stopping nazim christmas can regrow but to stop this cruel man santa needs his clothes back so he walked up to nazim and gave him a smack i spent a lot of time at the market stall so i can learn [Music] emergencies oh jesus christ nazim has far too much power with his santa claus and knife it make anyone cower and if santa can't beat nazim it's skyrim's darkest hour but don't worry dear listener for santa did not quit he knew he could win with enough christmas spirit for you see my dear listener let me tell you about an ancient christmas weapon a secret santa shout if santa claus can unlock this old shout well then there's no doubt he can kick nazeem out but it won't be too easy shouts require killing a dragon so santa got to work no lollygagging first off he's going to need proper santa claus clothes and since nazeem stole christmas there's extras in his house he now knows santa broke into nazim's farmhouse and to his delight there was an extra pair of santa claus there in the candle light [Music] and now we leave without leaving a trace now that santa was properly dressed it's time for him to begin his dragon quest by killing a dragon santa could learn his santa shout so he went to the yarl of whiterun to see what's about so you retalin you saw this dragon with your own eyes i'll not stand idly by while the dragon burns my hold and slaughters my people come let's go find fire my court wizard the yarl had a new clue and the chances were narrow but a dragon stone might lie deep within bleak falls barrow so santa summoned his steed rudolph the reindeer and they rode off to bleak falls fast as a spear oh it's rudolph [ __ ] yeah oh oh yeah christmas merry christmas all right stay right here rudolph inside of the dungeon santa ran through until finally a door with a puzzle he knew is part's easy do each thing twice found the treasure of bleak falls there with the puzzle door open santa was ready to fight the end boss and hold his hand steady this chap puts up a real fight these draugrs don't quit but eventually santa claus beat the living [ __ ] out of him god damn you'll always remember this as the day you almost caught jesus christ the mystery of bleak fall's barrow had been solved so it was back to dragon's reach to talk to the yarl and what's this something's wrong the yarl is panicking right outside whiterun a dragon is attacking if a dragon is here this was santa's big chance so he ran out to give this dragon its last dance save us here he comes again this beast put up a real fight this dragon won't quit but eventually santa claus beat the living [ __ ] out of that dragon god damn santa oh and the final punch boom it had taken him hours but a dragon was slain also don't worry about why the dragon looks like a train but anyways santa sat there and absorbed the dragon's soul and he finally learned his santa shout ho ho ho i can't believe it you're dragonborn try to shout according to the old legends only the dragonborn can shout without training tell us do you believe in this dragonball business as santa began to test out his shout the soldiers started attacking him and santa must route what's going on with these soldiers why are they attacking the answer was soon obvious it's nazeem who's backstabbing nazim paid off these soldiers to attack him like this all so that santa can't save skyrim christmas soon they arrest santa and throw him in jail and they take santa's clothing leaving him naked and frail this was the lowest moment of santa's long life a failure more painful than even nazim's knife he'd gotten so close gotten the santa shouts might but now he's in jail with no end in sight i'm sorry dear listener but santa was done nazeem stole christmas nazeem had won but wait just a minute santa suddenly remembered in the city of solitude there is an old taylor she knows how to make santa some brand new red clothes then santa would be back to full power he knows so summoning all of his spirit and glee santa stood there in jail and filled it with cheese oh oh my god [Music] it's a christmas miracle santa broke out of jail out of jail with a wink he darted and dashed past dazeem soldiers and out the gates with a flash and he hopped onto rudolph and rode out with glee leaving behind whiterun and its big christmas tree santa flew hard through the night yes he did dropping some cheese on his way for the kids until eventually old rudolph flew and he cruised up to the front gates of old solitude santa sold off some cheese wheels to make extra cash then went to the tailor to buy clothes in a flash oh what delight another charming customer finally ho [Music] it's a true christmas miracle santa's back and in action with his clothes and santa shout there is no distraction so now my dear listener time to send nazim packing santa hopped back on rudolph his trusty old steer and rode through the night spreading more christmas cheer until finally he landed at whiterun with a ruckus it was time my dear listener to give nazim christmas justice [Music] do you get to the cloud district very often [Music] [Music] nazim was defeated and christmas saved too but there was one thing left for santa to do he grabbed nazeem's body for all white run to see and placed it in front of the big christmas tree this was his ultimate christmas gift now skyrim will never deal with the same [ __ ] and with a big smile santa gave out his cheese knowing he'd put skyrim's troubles at ease and he hopped back on rudolph and said with his ascent merry christmas to all i hope you're not lactose intolerant poor bastards better off hold on

Channel: DougDoug

Views: 4,992,274

Keywords: DougDoug, DougDoug Youtube Channel, Channel Youtube DougDoug, skyrim, doug doug, dougdoug skyrim, doug doug skyrim, cheese, dougdoug cheese, doug doug cheese, skyrim cheese, skyrim mod, modded skyrim, christmas, skyrim christmas mod, skyrim christmas, santa, dougdoug santa, doug doug santa, twitch, dougdoug twitch, doug doug twitch, nazeem

Id: x_-mGs7SDc0

Length: 14min 44sec (884 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 30 2020