Silicon Valley | Season 1-5 | The Best of Gavin Belson

[Music] [Applause] how the [ __ ] does something like this happen how does an elephant just die he was very old who gives a [ __ ] about the elephant what about me this does not look good I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out how to remove him he wastes 9,000 pounds cut it up take it out in pieces you're using endangered animals just to make points at board meetings I'm drawing thoughtful zoological comparisons but couldn't you just show them up picture of these animals a simple holy search for the old thousands of choices trees I thank you for your honesty and I will repay you with my own eye on astray will see you in my offices again you're fired Hoover scramble that sky crane yes sir [Music] they always travel in groups of five these programmers there's always a tall skinny white guy short skinny asian guy fat guy with the ponytail some guy with crazy facial hair and then an East Indian guy it's like they trade guys until they all have the right group so Richard Hendricks is here there you are Richard you're right once again odious play John Lennon's Imagine cueing John Wayne in a mansion not found [ __ ] invalid command Jack hello Nelson Thanks for meeting with me whoa hi that's cool my hologram over there - what no of course not question do you still talk to Richard Hendricks yeah I mean not about nucleus or anything why would he enter Pied Piper and TechCrunch Disrupt is he trying to make Richard seem folksy like some aw shucks boy genius entering in every man's competition mr. belt mr. Elson you hear me hello can you hear me yeah it's just it's sort of fading [Music] I'm hearing you and she's the image Nelson shut up for a second if you can hear me make a gesture is it do you I hear you is this I have no idea what you're saying Nelson Nelson Nelson the audio is still working you could just use that the audio is working excuse me I paid 20 million [ __ ] dollars to acquire this company [ __ ] you the audio is working audio worked a hundred [ __ ] years ago you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] ah that's better sorry the TEL human is a great piece of technology unfortunately the broadband isn't that great out here in rural Wyoming that presents a great business opportunity not Stan make a gesture here me Oh for [ __ ] sake I think you forgot to update your software god damn it oh hello oh hi Gavin what's that I'm I'm sorry you're kind of breaking up there hello hello ladies and gentlemen Gavin Belson no matter what you may have heard size matters any questions I have a question that was horrible I just got humiliated by a [ __ ] teenager at TechCrunch Disrupt and you give me this tampon ad a girl with diabetes on a swing I think she has cancer at least that's how I read it I don't care what kind of disease she had all I care about is that nucleus is better than Pied Piper 92% of the world's data was created in the last two years alone at the current rate the world data storage capacity will be overtaken by next spring it will be nothing short of a catastrophe data shortages data rationing data black markets someone's compression will save the world from data getting and it sure as hell better be nucleus and not goddamn Pied Piper to pursue your dream not for profit or valuation or material wealth but for the good of humanity which is easy for you to say being a billionaire let me change the subject I have I don't care for your tone Kara I'm getting a little tired of this bias against the leaders of our industry look at history do you know who else vilified a tiny minority of Finance ears and progressive thinkers called the Jews wait a minute did you just compare the treatment of billionaires in America today to the plight of the Jews in Nazi Germany absolutely one could argue that billionaires are actually treated worse and we didn't even do anything wrong weren't even smaller minority there's a lot more of them these are facts Richard are you threatening me Oh am i threatening you it's a good question no you don't give me my [ __ ] phone back I'm gonna find you thank you and [ __ ] you so hard your front teeth if I offered you 10 million for Pied Piper right now before we even go in there would you take it really didn't you'd do that of course not but together for free I'm just [ __ ] with you thank you everyone what just happened we lost gonna be [ __ ] kidding me consider the Bulldog a grotesque monstrosity born of relentless inbreeding riddled with sinusitis crippled by joint pain chronically flatulent ladies and gentlemen just like that horrible creature the entire nucleus program was the result of inbreeding we mated hooli engineers with hooli designers in a hooli kennel is it any wonder the result was just as unspeakable as that thing bring it back here look at that hideous face all right get it [Applause] back to the sidewalk you're gonna get arrested you know a hundred years ago men like me could have had people like that killed just like that you think captains of industry like Andrew Carnegie or Cornelius Vanderbilt would have batted an eyelid please I'm sure I've changed I'll have that of course I have and for the better unless I forget what about this unnamed hooli insider she keeps quoting everything this person is saying is obviously covered by a nondisclosure agreement let's sue that person reporters generally don't give up their sources well then I'll just have to light a fire into this reporters ass all night you know there was a time not so long ago when it could have been a literal fire but as discussed those days are gone unless all right forget it you people are useless thank you you're excused it's incredible yes sir well it is my craft you see I think security detail is like creating great jazz where we summon all creeps and bring it on so yeah I'm talking about the beta will you shut the [ __ ] up mmm [ __ ] this is good there sign up low there mobile app it's just seamless how are they doing this I can put a team on that sir if you want to know how I why are you so high maintenance do you mean answer that snow god damn it you're so needy the [ __ ] is happening oh [ __ ] looks like a zip bomb they must know it's us that hard drive is far this is my personal laptop you opened a stolen beta on your personal computer yes and I installed it on my phone [ __ ] you can fry the entire system cut the power to the building no Gavin it's isolated to your user account so it's just your laptop and your phone it has no impact on the rest of the net we don't know that you don't know [ __ ] none of you do you don't even know what Hendrix is capable cut the power to the building consider the tortoise as the fable teaches us it may appear that he is losing in his race against his nemesis the insolent and cocksure hare but appearances can be deceiving Gavin the tortoise is it endframe yes but there's more the hair is Pied Piper indeed it is someone's read the race-off we've also read the financials Gavin between nucleus and endframe you've burned through three-quarters of a billion dollars with virtually nothing to show for it I grant you we've stumbled on offense of late but the best offense is a good defense we've taken a page out of Apple's playbook and are currently reviewing the Pied Piper app for sale and our who we store at a pace one might call tortoise like don't they hate that Pied Piper what we called this board meeting to inform you that it's time for hooli to let go and move on without you at the wheel I'm sorry without me are you firing me our intention is simply to transition you into a more appropriate role within the company one with less oversight of day-to-day operations you're putting me on the [ __ ] roof you could always choose to move on Gavin up to you I built this company with my bare hands in my [ __ ] garage where were you when I was doing that we can make billions chief I'm whipping up some proposals right now that are gonna knock that wig right off your head yeah [ __ ] is he up to look like a [ __ ] wig do you consider the possum nature's Gavin if you're bringing another animal into this boardroom this meeting is over of course not don't insult me gentlemen and Lady of the hooli board I am the possum to which I refer know who else thinks changing to a hooli chat log in is hella lame Madison Allison Jennifer Stephanie Quinn Ingrid Janelle Carl now Carl you said the new sign-in page made you nervous did anyone else feel nervous well this meeting was just absolutely [ __ ] great Richard Donald gold foil you wanted the patent if I had just given it to you you would have walked out that door and never look back [ __ ] it I'm done what about the new Internet I don't know I don't know Kevin Richard I read your little article what you said means a great deal I'm sure if this situation was the first you'd do the same for me absolutely not I would have let you bleed to death on the street oh yes sorry you only hired us because Pied Piper wanted us right untrue go on in Pied Piper only wanted us because of our ability to help build the decentralized internet can't speak to that continued you know what [ __ ] you guys I don't want you working on my box it's too good for you antiquated why did you all take my money then you entitled little pricks you all think you're John Lennon until someone waves a dollar in your face I did invent the hooli pod and the hooli pad and the hooli pad pro but a man only has so many game-changing inventions in him and technically all the products he just named were money losers I mean you could argue we'd have been better off if he'd never invented any of that stuff Coover sir patrisse can I talk to you outside for a second anyway if Jack Barker's insidious box is allowed to go to market we may all lose our jobs we may all go the way of Patrice but we must fight it how can it be the Gavin Belson's signature box three without Gavin Belson's signature on it well the word signature has a handwritten feel to it why is my signature not on this a Gavin there was a slight issue with your signature what issue do you have a mock-up pull it up oh yes there what's wrong with that you have the report absolutely pleasure to be on your team Kevin here it is the signature displayed troubling traits left of upright slant narrow angles tense strokes conclusively indicative of sociopathic tendencies what characterized by a lack of empathy and need to dominate a willingness to hurt others to achieve ones goals inability to accept bad news Coover sir get this horrible woman the [ __ ] out of my office now this by far was who these favourite hmmm I like it it's bold Gavin be purchased for Gavin a quart of mint chocolate chip ice cream from honey tree Creamery it is his very favorite ice cream in the world you want me to buy him ice cream it will inspire him as he embarks on this new journey I brought you ice cream oh dear is that from honey tree Creamery what why would you bring that in here gather and forgive his ignorance he clearly does not know that chain of ice cream concerns is owned by your chief rival Jeff besos or that they just opened a new one in Half Moon Bay well [ __ ] I give you the product that will carry hooli to complete and total market dominance the Box 3 Gavin Belson Signature Edition [Music] yes yes it does now I need you give me 30% where output I don't care how you do it just a font those kids don't look that busy I'd do anything to help the people of this area but giving you public money on this scale would decimate our budget I could have the local high school renamed after you Rosa Parks has never even been the goal driver I don't want to [ __ ] high school I want to manufacture boxes at an 80% profit margin I mean the only things I have left to cut are essential services there you go do that you could have a volunteer fire department because I can't afford a penny more than this how's the factory coming we almost online not exactly sir it's gone what do you mean the [ __ ] mayor reneged on our deal no he made every effort including having the factory repainted okay so what's the problem well apparently the painters left some oily rags in a garbage can hmm but because of cuts to the sanitation service the trash was not collected and the rags smoldered and caught fire a number of concerned citizens volunteered to help fight the fire but because the water was cut off they could not okay so what happened well the vast majority of our expensive rare earth materials survived the fire well that's something until the flames abated when because of mass layoffs of police the locals that were there to fight the fire decided instead to loot the burned out Factory the National Guard attempted to reach the factory to help stop this but the roads the roads sir yes I am in the early stages of a new plan did you know that some of America's most capable motivated laborers are at this moment awaiting execution Gavin bonds Gavin Belson Oh hello listen John do we still have the prototypes of my signature box three strung up yeah they told us they were gonna send more but they never did well that's a long story I got time sorry but this gives me all the cards I get hooli back [ __ ] Bezos and [ __ ] you and your 20% offer [ __ ] the signature box three I get a complete do-over Tim Cook keeps inviting me to his brunches [ __ ] him I'll host the [ __ ] brunches welcome to the future Kevin [Music]

Channel: Pickle Rick

Views: 1,884,168

Keywords: Silicon Valley, Gavin Belson, Richard Hendricks, Funny Moments, Erlich Bachman, Jared Dunn, Jian-Yang

Id: 30WTWkFe910

Length: 18min 7sec (1087 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 03 2018