NAME A BODY PART YOU'D HATE TO HAVE YOUR DOCTOR ACCIDENTALLY SEW SHUT DURING AN OPERATION. YOUR...VAGINA? >> OOH! Steve: I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO GO ON AND SAY THIS RIGHT HERE. I'M KILLING THAT DOCTOR, OK? I MEAN, WE HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE. I'M OUT OF HERE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YES! NAME SOMETHING A HUSBAND HOPES HIS WIFE DOESN'T TELL HIM TO GET RID OF FOR THE STEAL. >> HIS PORN. >> WHOO! [APPLAUSE] Steve: BOY, Y'ALL UP IN WISCONSIN, Y'ALL AIN'T MESSING AROUND UP THERE. FOR THE WIN, HIS PORN! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NAME A PLACE YOU'D HATE TO GET CAUGHT ON HIDDEN CAMERA. KRISTIN. >> THE PORN SHOP. Steve: THE PORN SHOP? YOU GOT PORNO MAGAZINES AT THE HOUSE, YOUR BROTHER WANTS HIS VAGINA SEWN SHUT, AND NOW YOU SITTING UP HERE DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT DOWN AT THE PORN SHOP. WHY ARE YOU DOWN THERE, KRISTIN? NAME A PROFESSIONAL SOMEONE MIGHT BE EMBARRASSED TO SAY THEY PAID TO SEE. >> A MECHANIC. >> GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. YEAH. >> YES. Steve: MECHANIC! [AUDIENCE GROANS] [ORTOLANIS TALK ALL AT ONCE] [LAUGHTER] "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL DAY?" "THE MECHANIC." "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, MISTER?!" "A--A MECHANIC." "SPEAK UP!" "I NEEDED A MECHANIC." [LAUGHTER] I HAVEN'T MET YOU, SIR. >> YES. Steve: PAUL, HOW ARE YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING GREAT. Steve: MY MAN. YOU'RE THE FATHER. >> YES. Steve: YOU HEAD UP-- >> THIS FABULOUS FAMILY. Steve: ABSOLUTELY. THAT'S GOOD. I DIDN'T MEET YOU AT ALL, EITHER. YOU'RE VANESSA? >> VANESSA, YES. Steve: YOU'RE MARRIED TO... >> DELRICK, FOR ALMOST A YEAR. Steve: A YEAR? >> MM-HMM, ALMOST A YEAR. Steve: ALMOST. OH, SO Y'ALL STILL "HA HA!" [LAUGHTER] ON YOUR HONEYMOON. PROBABLY, D., HUH? [SPEAKS GIBBERISH] RIGHT? [LAUGHTER] HA HA HA HA! THAT'S HOW MEN DO, YOU KNOW. WHEN MEN ARE SAYING SOMETHING AND THEY DON'T CARE, WHATEVER. "[SPEAKS GIBBERISH] YEAH?" IT DON'T REALLY BE WORDS, IT'S JUST A THING THAT MEN DO. "[SPEAKS GIBBERISH] HA HA HA! ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO TO WORK. WE ASKED 100 WOMEN, ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, HOW NECESSARY ARE MEN? YOU SAID... AN 8. SURVEY SAID... NUMBER-ONE ANSWER WAS 10. YEAH, YEAH. [AUDIENCE MURMURS] YEAH, YEAH, WE ARE. [LAUGHTER] >> HA HA HA! Steve: WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? "TEN?" YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. IF A MAN'S ZIPPER BROKE AT WORK, NAME SOMETHING HE MIGHT USE TO KEEP HIS FLY CLOSED. >> GLUE. Steve: "NO ONE WILL NOTICE MY FLY OPEN NOW." YEAH, BUT GUESS WHAT, THOUGH. THE GLUE. >> LET'S GO. TAKE IT HOME, BABY. >> OK. Steve: I'M SO SORRY. I'M SO--I'M SO SORRY. I JUST KNEW NO ONE WOULD SQUIRT GLUE ON THEIR PANTS. HEY, JESSICA. HOW YOU DOING? >> HI. I'M GOOD. Steve: NICE TO MEET YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> WELL, I'M A WAITRESS AT A CHINESE BUFFET, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY DO, STEVE? I DO THE "FAMILY FEUD" WORKOUT, WHICH HELPED ME LOSE 40 POUNDS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU DO THE "FAMILY FEUD" WORKOUT AND LOST 40 POUNDS? >> I GO TO THE GYM, PUT ON "FAMILY FEUD" FOR AN HOUR. I GO ON THE TREADMILL AND WATCH YOU. IT HELPED ME. Steve: 40 POUNDS, GIRL! WHOO! OK, WE GONNA START SOMETHING. I SEE "MONEY." "FAMILY FEUD" WORKOUT, YOU LOST 40 POUNDS? >> I DIDN'T LOSE NOTHING! >> SHE DOES IT WITH ME! >> I WAS RIGHT WITH HER AND I DIDN'T LOSE NOTHING. Steve: YOU WERE RIGHT WITH HER, JEANNIE, AND YOU DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING? >> NOTHING. Steve: NOTHING? >> IT'S THE AGE: I'M GETTING OLD. Steve: NO. JEANNIE, YOU LOOK OK. YOU LOOK FINE. >> OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. YOU NEVER SEEN ME NAKED, SO... Audience: OOH! >> WALK AWAY. Steve: BROWNS, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE. >> THE ALTAR. Steve: DOROTHY, NAME SOMETHING YOU'D FIND AT A FUNERAL PARLOR. >> THE BROWN BABES ARE GOING WITH SOFT MUSIC. Steve: I'VE BEEN TO A BUNCH OF FUNERALS. NEVER NOTICED THE MUSIC. MAYBE I WAS TOO CAUGHT UP IN THE TRAUMA OF THE MOMENT. SORRY. BUT I WAS NOT GOING OVER THERE LOOKING AT THE BODY, GOING, "THAT IS MY JAM RIGHT THERE. OH, YEAH. I'M--" [LAUGHTER] Steve: SOFT JAMS AND MUSIC. HEY, JESS, HOW YOU DOIN'? >> GOOD, THANKS. Steve: WOW, YOU'RE YOUNG. WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I AM GOING TO MY COMMUNITY COLLEGE. Steve: OH, YOU GO TO COLLEGE? >> YEAH, I'LL BE A SOPHOMORE. Steve: YEAH. WITH THEM EYES, YOU GOT A COUPLE BOYFRIENDS? >> JUST ONE. Steve: JUST ONE. LET'S GET OUT OF THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. NAME SOMETHING IN YOUR HOME THAT GETS WASTED. >> I'M GOING TO SAY THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE THERE. >> OH, GOOD ANSWER! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: WHERE--WHERE WOULD SHE GET THAT ANSWER FROM? YOU TWO GOT SOMETHING TO ANSWER TO. THE PEOPLE WHO STAY THERE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] JOHN, HOW YOU DOIN', MAN? >> VERY WELL, THANK YOU. Steve: NICE TO MEET YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, MAN? >> ACTUALLY, I LOST MY JOB TO COME HERE AND PLAY ON THE "FEUD". Steve: WELL, YOU NEED TO WIN ALL THE MONEY YOU CAN. >> I'M TRYING! [LAUGHS] Steve: JOHN, THEY EXPLAINED THIS WHOLE CONCEPT TO YOU THAT THERE'S A CHANCE AT WINNING MONEY? >> WELL, IT WASN'T MY CHOICE LOSING THE JOB, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. Steve: OH, OK. OH, YOU LOST A JOB? >> YEAH, I TOLD THEM I WAS COMING ON THE "FEUD" AND THEY SAID IF YOU GO ON THE "FEUD", YOU'LL LOSE YOUR JOB. AND I SAID, I'M GOING ON THE "FEUD". >> YEAH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: THAT IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER. IN THE LAST YEAR, NAME A PLACE WHERE YOU'VE BEEN NAKED. >> IN A DRESSING ROOM. Steve: IN THE DRESSING ROOM. [AUDIENCE GROANS] YOU SEE, IF YOU'RE NAKED IN THE DRESSING ROOM, THAT MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON TO BEGIN WITH. >> THAT'S TRUE, BUT SOME PEOPLE DON'T WEAR IT ANYWAY. [AUDIENCE "OOHS"] Steve: SO WHAT YOU TRYING TO SAY, JOYCE? [LAUGHTER] "I SEE YOU." >> COME ON, LET'S GO! Steve: NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE PUT BETWEEN 2 BUNS. >> COME ON! Steve: HEH! GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD. >> YOUR HANDS? Steve: MY MAN, MY MAN. MY MAN. YEAH. MY MAN. I SAW IT IN YOUR EYES. I SAW IT THERE. I WAS LOOKING. I SAID, "GO AHEAD, SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT. I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SAY IT. SAY IT! SAY IT!" [LAUGHTER] YOUR HANDS! NAME A REASON A MAN MIGHT NOT BE UP FOR A NIGHT OF LOVE-MAKING. JOYCE. >> HE'S TIRED. Steve: HE'S TIRED. >> PLAY... >> WE GONNA PLAY, STEVE. Steve: HE'S TIRED? >> I DON'T KNOW. Steve: THAT NEVER STOPPED YOU, DID IT? >> UH-UH. NAME SOMETHING A PERSON MIGHT CHANGE IF THEY WERE TRYING TO HIDE FROM THE LAW. >> THEIR CAR. YOU KNOW, CAR. WE DON'T PRONOUNCE OUR "Rs" IN BOSTON. Steve: THE CA! FOR A MOMENT, I WAS JUST SITTING THERE. THE CA! WE NEED ANOTHER LETTER HERE, DAVE. THE CA! C-A. CA! CA. COME ON OUT WITH IT, DAVE. THE CA! GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT'S FLOPPY. >> IT'S HARD. YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S BREAST. >> [SQUEALS] >> THAT'S THE ONLY THING--IT'S THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF. >> WHOO! Steve: ALL RIGHT. >> I'M SO SORRY. Steve: UH... SONYA. >> SONJA. Steve: OK--OK, WHAT IS IT, THEN? >> SONJA. Steve: WHAT THE HELL? I JUST SAID THAT! WHAT DID I JUST SAY? DIDN'T I JUST SAY SONYA? >> YOU SAID SONYA. IT'S SONJA. Steve: OK, BUT YOU NEED TO PUT SOME MORE DAMN LETTERS IN YOUR NAME. AND YOU WANT "SON-JA." TAKE THE "J" OUT. I GET SICK OF PEOPLE NAMING THEIR BABIES THESE CRAZY NAMES. AND THEN YOU MEET A GUY LIKE ME AND YOU'RE GONNA BLAME ME 'CAUSE I DON'T GET IT RIGHT. DO YOU SEE SONYA ON THERE ANYWHERE? >> JUST SONJA. ALEXIS, HOW ARE YOU DOING? >> HELLO. Steve: GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I'M A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, AND I'M A SINGER/SONGWRITER. Steve: WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC? >> UM, I LIKE FOLK AND, LIKE, JUST ANYTHING ALTERNATIVE. Steve: YOU DO IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT. >> I DO. Steve: YEAH, 'CAUSE THERE'S, LIKE, NO MONEY IN FOLK. >> WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN GO TO, LIKE, COUNTRY. Steve: OH, COUNTRY. THAT'S DIFFERENT. >> I MEAN--NO, LIKE, IT'S THE SAME KIND OF... Steve: THE SAME KIND OF MUSIC AS COUNTRY? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU WRITE COUNTRY? 'CAUSE THEY'RE CASHING IN. >> OK. OK. Steve: LOTS OF MONEY IN COUNTRY. JUST SLIDE OVER JUST A LITTLE BIT. QUIT SINGING ABOUT THEM REINDEERS AND STUFF. ♪ THERE'S A TREE IN THE FOREST AND I'M LOOKING RATHER WELL THERE'S A BIRD UP IN HEAVEN AND WE'RE SINGING OH SO WELL THERE'S A BUG ON THE LOG THAT I CAN'T SEE ANYMORE I'M JUST GLAD TO BE A SONGWRITER FOR THE FOLK I WRITE SONGS ABOUT NOTHING CLOUDS AND BIRDS I WRITE SONGS NOBODY LIKES I WRITE SONGS NO ONE BUYS I DON'T CARE FOR MONEY BUT I'LL WRITE THE SONG ANYHOW I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU LIKE IT WE'RE GONNA PLAY IT ANYHOW OH, I WRITE FOLK MUSIC ♪ WHOO-HAH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [MUMBLES] >> THAT WAS GOOD. Steve: I ALWAYS TRY TO BE ENCOURAGING THE YOUNG PEOPLE-- >> YEAH. I UNDERSTAND. Steve: JUST IGNORE THAT COMEDY MOMENT I HAD RIGHT THERE. NAME A CREATURE PEOPLE SOMETIMES GET RID OF BY FLUSHING IT DOWN THE TOILET. >> I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH, ACTUALLY, THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM AND THEY FLUSH THAT DOWN THE TOILET, AND THEY COULD CALL IT A CREATURE. Steve: I GOT TO TELL YOU-- I GOT TO TELL YOU, IF THAT'S THE CRITERIA, I CAN'T TELL YOU THE MONSTERS THAT I FLUSHED DOWN THAT TOILET. I SAY, BOY. I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU. I'VE ACTUALLY FLUSHED GODZILLA DOWN THAT PUPPY BEFORE. WHOO! LET'S GET IT ON. GIVE ME RENETTE, GIVE ME TERRY. LET'S GO. ["FAMILY FEUD" THEME PLAYS] [LAUGHTER] >> SORRY. HA HA HA! Steve: I'M SITTING THERE GOING, "MAN!" LOOK, YOU KNOW, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, GUYS. LOOK, LOOK. WE WANT FAMILIES WITH A LOT OF ENTHUSIASM, BUT THERE'S A PURPOSE HERE. WE GOT A GAME TO PLAY. NEED YOU ALL UP HERE IN YOUR SPOTS. OK, YOU READY? >> WE'RE READY. Steve: OK, JUST PUT YOUR HAND IN THAT LITTLE CIRCLE THERE. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, GUYS. TOP 6 ANSWERS ON THE BOARD. NAME SOMETHING A PERSON MIGHT USE TO CLEAN THEIR BELLY BUTTON. >> FEATHER. Steve: A FEATHER. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: I SEE JOE IS THE SEXY ONE IN THE FAMILY, HUH? JOE GOT FEATHERS OUT. BOY, I...JOE, THAT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND. JOE JUST PROBABLY SAID, "I SEE SOMETHING IN THERE, SWEETIE. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I GOT A FEATHER. YEAH, I KNOW I'M GONNA USE IT FOR OTHER THINGS, BUT IF YOU HOLD STILL, I'LL BET IT WOULD DO THE SAME THING." NAME SOMETHING THAT MOST MEN DO NOT DO AS WELL AS THEY THINK THEY DO. TIFFANY. >> WIPE THEIRSELVES WHEN THEY USE THE RESTROOM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THEY WIPE THEMSELVES. THANK YOU, GOD. GIGI? >> OK. UM, I WOULD SAY HAVE A BABY. MEN CAN'T DO THAT. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Steve: OVER THERE. OVER THERE. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] HAVE A BABY. GO AHEAD. NAME A PART OF A PERSON'S BODY THAT EVEN A CANNIBAL WOULD SPIT OUT. DOMINICK? >> THE BUTT. Steve: YEAH, BUTT MEAT. BUTT MEAT. Steve: NAME A PART OF A PERSON'S BODY EVEN A CANNIBAL WOULD SPIT OUT. >> THEIR PRIVATE PARTS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] Steve: WHAT IS THIS, MAN? THIS-- THIS SURE IS CHEWY. WHAT IS THIS? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THE PRIVATE PARTS! NAME A SEASONING A STRIPPER MIGHT USE AS HER STAGE NAME. NORMAN? >> CAYENNE. Steve: CAY--HA HA HA! [LAUGHTER] MY MAN. ALL RIGHT, NORMAN. HA HA HA! [IMITATES BUZZER] "CAYENNE!" THAT'S WAY DOWN THE SPICE LINE. YOU JUST--WE'RE BORED. ALL RIGHT, NOW. IF CAYENNE AIN'T UP THERE, WE KNOW WHERE SHE AT. YEAH. CAYENNE! [AUDIENCE GROANS] >> I'M GONNA GO WITH THYME. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] I RAN OUT OF IDEAS FOR SEASONING. Steve: OK, LOOK, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU COME UP WITH THESE NAMES, KIND OF JUST, LIKE, IMAGINE THE ANNOUNCER: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR THYME!" >> I THINK I LIKE IT. >> I LIKE IT. Steve: YOU LIKE IT? THAT'S HOT. LET'S SEE WHO ELSE LIKED IT. IT'S THYME! NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT PUT IN HIS SPEEDO TO TRY TO LOOK MANLIER. >> A BALLOON? Steve: A BALLOON. WOW. >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: "WHERE YOU GONNA PUT THAT?" "HOLD ON." A BALLOON. BETHANY, HOW YOU DOING TODAY? >> I'M GREAT. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: YOU'RE A VERY INTERESTING PERSON TO ME. ARE YOU A MUSICIAN? >> I'M A MUSICIAN, AND I'M A HULA-HOOPER. Steve: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> WELL, WITH OUR MUSIC, WE LIKE TO, UH, HULA HOOP. Steve: OH. WHEN YOU DO YOUR MUSIC, YOU HULA HOOP. >> WE CAN DO IT AT THE SAME TIME. YOU GOT IT. YOU WOULD PICK IT UP REAL QUICK. WHOO! OW! ALL RIGHT! YOU'RE IN OUR BAND. Steve: OH, YEAH, I KNOW. HA HA. I GOTTA SEE THIS. ARE YOU ALL ON YOUTUBE OR ANYTHING? >> OH, YEAH. Steve: WHAT IS IT? >> WE ARE... ♪ THE MOON IS A DISCO BALL ♪ ALL RIGHT. Steve: I'M GONNA MAKE YOU CATCH ON. I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO STRAIGHT FIRE. >> DO IT. DO IT. NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. Steve: ♪ THE WORLD IS A DISCO BALL ♪ >> THE MOON. THE MOON. Steve: OH, THE MOON-- >> THE MOON. WELL, YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE ONE. Steve: HELL, THEY CLAPPED HARDER WHEN I SAID "THE WORLD." WHOO! I THINK WE'VE COME UP WITH SOMETHING. >> I LIKE IT! Steve: ♪ THE WORLD IS A DISCO BALL ♪ Steve: ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, HOW SEXY IS YOUR WALK? ONE. ONE. LET ME SEE IT. >> [SIGHS] Steve: JUST WALK. >> ONE. >> THAT'S A ONE. THAT'S A SOLID ONE, STEVE. Steve: YEAH, THAT'S A ONE. AND YOUR BROTHER WAS HAMMERING YOU--"THAT'S A ONE"--BEFORE YOU EVEN STARTED. SURVEY SAID... WOW. WOW. YOUR WALK FINALLY PAYS OFF. OK, BETHANY, WE TALKED TO A HUNDRED MARRIED WOMEN. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU NOTICED THAT THE MAID'S CHILD LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE YOUR HUSBAND? >> CUT HER HAIR OFF. HER CURLY LITTLE LOCKS. Steve: OH, YEAH, I'LL SHOW YOU. >> I'M ANGRY. Steve: HAVING MY HUSBAND'S BABY. YOU SIT IN THIS CHAIR, MISS. >> IT AIN'T GONNA LOOK PRETTY. Steve: ANY PARTICULAR STYLE YOU WANT? YEAH! TELL ME A WORD A MARRIED MAN WOULD USE TO FILL IN THE BLANK. I WOULD BLANK FOR SEX. JAMES. >> PAY. Steve: I GOT A FEELING IT'S UP THERE. >> NUMBER ONE. Steve: THAT IS A SAD, SAD STATEMENT ABOUT MARRIED MEN. >> COMPLETELY AGREE. >> I'M GONNA KICK IT UP A NOTCH AND SAY KILL. Steve: I WOULD K-- I WOULD KILL FOR SEX. YES! KILL! YES! TELL ME A WORD A MARRIED MAN WOULD USE TO FILL IN THE BLANK. I WOULD BLANK FOR SEX. >> NOW, THIS ISN'T ME. I WOULD CRY FOR SEX. Steve: DAVID, DID YOU LET THE 2 WOMEN DOWN THERE INFLUENCE YOUR ANSWER? >> YES. Steve: YES, YOU DID. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? THIS IS A GUY QUESTION. NOT GONNA CRY--NOT-- CRY. DON'T WANT SOME BIG DUDE LAYING ON HER CRYING. NUMBER 4. Audience: DIE. Steve: WE'LL BUY IT, WE'LL KILL YOU ABOUT IT, WE'LL BEG YOU FOR IT, WE'LL LIE ABOUT IT, AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, WE'LL LAY DOWN OUR LIFE FOR IT. JUSTIN, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? >> GOOD. Steve: HOW OLD ARE YOU? >> 16. Steve: 16. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP? >> I PLAN TO TRAVEL AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, AND THEN PROBABLY SETTLE DOWN--HOPEFULLY IF I CAN MAKE TILL 30 OR SO. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: YOU PEOPLE THAT'S OVER 30, YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU WERE TO BE ALIVE, DID YOU? HE'S JUST HOPING TO GET TO "30 OR SO." "OH, GOD, WHEN I GET INTO THE DEATH VALLEY, I JUST HOPE I..." I LOVE KIDS, MAN. A WOMAN WOULD LOVE TO BE TOLD SHE HAS A SEXY WHAT? >> I THINK IT'S A SEXY BUTT. [APPLAUSE] Steve: OK, THEY'RE SAYING THAT'S THE SAME AS "BODY OR FIGURE." WE ALL KNOW, FELLOWS, THAT'S NOT THE SAME THING. >> OK. Steve: IT HAS BROKEN GROWN MEN DOWN. IT HAS CAUSED MORE CAR WRECKS! TEXTING IS NOT THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF CAR WRECKS. IT IS MEN TURNING AROUND TO LOOK AT THE BOOTY OF A WOMAN! Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, DARLIN'? >> I AM A STAY-AT-HOME MOM/ACTIVITIES DIRECTOR AT A NURSING HOME. Steve: ACTIVITIES DIRECTOR AT A NURSING HOME. >> YES, SIR. Steve: OK. >> BUT WE LIKE TO DO SPECIAL STUFF. WE TAKE THEM ON ELEPHANT RIDES, UP IN HOT-AIR BALLOONS. Steve: YOU TAKE OLD PEOPLE UP ON ELEPHANT RIDES? >> ABSOLUTELY. Steve: "WELL, NEED TO CLEAR UP SOME BEDS." [LAUGHTER] "TIME FOR THE ANNUAL ELEPHANT RIDE." Steve: KAYLA, NAME A PART OF THE BODY A MAN MIGHT BE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT HE SHAVES. >> I'M GOING TO SAY HIS BUTT. Steve: WHO IS THIS GUY? [LAUGHTER] THE GUY THAT'S ON THIS BOARD RIGHT NOW, WHO IS THIS GUY? AND IF BUTT IS UP THERE--BUTT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] WHY? >> SHE DOES WAX THEM AT HER BEAUTY SHOP. Steve: AND MEN WAX THE HAIR OFF THEIR BUTTS? >> OH, YEAH. >> HA HA HA HA! Steve: BUT... >> I CAN HOOK YOU UP. Steve: SHE SAID, "I CAN HOOK YOU UP." [LAUGHTER] Steve: MISS LORA, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING FINE... Steve: THE SILVER FOX. >> THANK YOU. Steve: THAT IS GREAT. BEAUTIFUL HAIR. >> THANK YOU. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU. Steve: YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ME. >> HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT SPORTS? Steve: HOW GOOD AM I AT SPORTS? BABY. MAMA... >> AFTER YOU DID THAT, IF I WEREN'T MARRIED AND DIDN'T HAVE ALL THESE SONS, I'D BECOME YOUR COUGAR. >> OOH. UH-OH. Steve: WELL, THERE'S A NEW TERM OUT THERE. >> OH, IT IS? Steve: SEE, COUGAR IF YOU'RE 40. AND EVEN THOUGH YOU LOOK VERY YOUNG, AFTER--ONCE YOU'RE PAST 40 AND YOU GO FOR YOUNGER GUYS, YOU'RE A MOUNTAIN LION. >> I'M A MOUNTAIN LION. I'LL BE 73... Steve: LET'S GO, BABY. >> THE MOUNTAIN LION. Steve: ALL RIGHT, LET'S PLAY THE GAME. SILVER FOX, HERE WE GO. NAME SOMETHING A CHEAP GUY MIGHT PUT IN A STRIPPER'S G-STRING. >> HIS HAND. Steve: HIS HAND. >> GOOD ANSWER... Steve: MAMA... MAMA... WELL, YOU LET MAMA PLAY, SHE PLAY, DON'T SHE? YOUR HAND. NAME SOMETHING THAT SOME PEOPLE DO IN THE SHOWER AND OTHERS DON'T. >> MAKE WHOOPEE. THEY GET IT ON. >> YEAH! Steve: THAT'S WHY MY WIFE WASH HER HAIR IN MY SHOWER. MAKE WHOOPEE. ALESSIO. >> HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? Steve: THAT'S A GREAT NAME. >> THANK YOU. Steve: I LOVE THAT NAME-- ALESSIO. YOU GO TO COLLEGE? >> I DO. Steve: WHICH COLLEGE YOU GO TO? >> GORDON COLLEGE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR? >> I'M A VOICE MAJOR. I STUDY MUSIC. Steve: YES, YES! YES! YES! SOMETHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. A VOICE MAJOR? >> YES, SIR. Steve: CAN YOU SING SOMETHING? >> YOU WANT ME TO? Steve: YEAH, YEAH. >> OH. OK. ALL RIGHT. ♪ STEVE HARVEY, I WANNA WIN SOME MONEY, PLEASE ♪ Steve: YES. >> THERE YOU GO. >> WHOO! Steve: ♪ AND I WANNA LET YOU WIN IT, IF YOU CAN ME AND YOU DOING A DUET SOMEWHERE ♪ WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> WELL, I'M A FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER, BUT I'M A FORMER MARINE SERGEANT. WHAT, I DON'T LOOK LIKE I COULD'VE BEEN A MARINE TO YOU? Steve: WELL, YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE IT. >> OH. Steve: YOU'RE A VERY NICE LADY. >> ALL RIGHT, STEVE, DROP! GIVE ME 20 RIGHT NOW! >> THERE YOU GO! OH, YEAH! >> MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... TOO SLOW! GET BACK! TOO SLOW! GET BACK! [STEVE GRUNTS] >> OOH! THERE YOU GO! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] >> I'M PROUD OF YOU. Steve: YEAH, I JUMPED RIGHT ON THAT. Y'ALL GONNA HAVE TO COME TO THE GYM WITH ME FROM NOW ON. I FOUND OUT I SHOW OUT IN FRONT OF GIRLS BETTER. HA HA! JAMES, MY MAN. HOW YOU DOING, BABY? >> I'M DOING FINE, STEVE. Steve: I'M-A PUT A DIMPLE IN YOUR TIE IF YOU DON'T MIND, SIR. I WANT YOU TO TAKE IT LIKE THIS--WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S A STEVE HARVEY TIE. OH, DEAR. WHOO! [MATHIS WOMEN CHEERING] >> YEAH! HEY! Steve: HEY, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, JAMES. JAMES, THAT ALMOST MATCH WHAT THE PLAYER GOT ON, BOY. WHAT I GOT ON, TOO. ALL RIGHT? THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NEXT TIME YOU TIE IT, MS. RUBY. WHEN HE TIES IT, IT TAKES THE TWO ENDS AND PULL IT... >> HOW DO YOU KNOW I TIED THAT TIE? Steve: I KNOW YOU TIED THE TIE BECAUSE YOU RUN THE HOUSE. THE MAN CAN'T GO GAMBLING... >> YOU WRONG WITH THAT. Steve: HE CAN'T TALK ON THE SHOW. HE CAN'T EVEN SAY NOTHING. >> YOU DON'T TELL... Steve: HE CAN'T DO NOTHING WITHOUT YOU, MS. RUBY. >> YOU DON'T TELL MY BUSINESS LIKE THAT. Steve: THE MAN SAID YOU BOUGHT THE TIE. THAT'S HOW I KNOW YOU TIED IT. >> I MEAN, I WAS-- Steve: YOU PICK OUT HIS CLOTHES. YOU PROBABLY NAMED HIM JAMES. THE MAN'S NAME IS PROBABLY SOMETHING ELSE. THE MAN'S MAMA PROBABLY CALLED HIM SOMETHING ELSE. YOU SAID, "THE HELL WITH THAT. WE CALLING HIM JAMES." >> NO... Steve: NOW, YOU STOP AND LISTEN TO ME. PULL THIS TIE RIGHT HERE. THE NEXT TIME YOU TIE IT, PULL IT LIKE THAT RIGHT THERE. YOU SEE HOW THAT DIMPLE'S SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT TIE. LOOK HOW SEXY THAT LOOKS. NOW YOU WANT HIM NOW, DON'T YOU? >> OH, YEAH. I WANT HIM EITHER WAY IT GOES. Steve: I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT. >> HEY! Steve: NAME SOMETHING A BEAR DOES IN THE WOODS. >> A BEAR... KILLS OTHER ANIMALS. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: THAT'S NOT HUNTING. THAT'S JUST A MURDER. THIS BEAR JUST FOR NO DAMN REASON IS OUT KILLING OTHER ANIMALS. [MATHIS FAMILY CHEERING] Steve: MS. RUBY, NAME SOMETHING THAT MIGHT GET IN THE WAY WHEN YOU'RE KISSING. >> MUSTACHE. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: YOU JUST BEEN STARING AT ME? YOU KNOW, MS. RUBY, YOU'RE JUST GONNA STARE AT ME. YOU SEE HOW SHE WAS COMING IN THERE? "YOUR DAMN MUSTACHE." >> BUT I TRY TO KEEP IT CLEAN. Steve: I'M TELLING YOU, MAN. >> I TRY TO KEEP IT CLEAN. Steve: HOO-HOO! THE MUSTACHE. [MATHIS FAMILY CHEERS] Steve: JENNIFER, NAME SOMETHING THAT MIGHT GET IN THE WAY WHEN YOU'RE KISSING. >> I'M GOING TO SAY BIG LIPS. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> YOU DON'T WANT THEM SLOBBERING ALL OVER YOUR FACE, YOU KNOW? Steve: PUSHING IT, MAN. >> WHAT? THAT'S GOOD. [LAUGHTER] Steve: SHE [BLEEP] NOW. >> OH! >> THAT'S MY DAUGHTER. THAT'S MY DAUGHTER... FOR 30 YEARS. Steve: WELL, LET'S SEE IF THAT'S UP THERE. GOOD ANSWER. BIG LIPS JUST SITTING RIGHT UP UNDER THAT BIG, FAT MUSTACHE. [STEVE MOUTHS PHRASE] >> HA HA! LET’S GO. IF 2 100-YEAR-OLD PEOPLE GOT MARRIED, WHAT MIGHT THEY DO ON THEIR HONEYMOON NIGHT? >> WELL, SINCE THEY'RE SO OLD, WE'RE THINKING THEY MIGHT PASS AWAY. Steve: DIE? >> YEAH. THEY'RE PRETTY OLD. >> YEAH. THEY'RE OLD. THEY LIVED A HAPPY LIFE. IT'S A HAPPY LIFE. Steve: YOU'RE KILLING GRANDMA AND GRANDPA FOR AN... YOU SHUT UP! ["FAMILY FEUD" THEME PLAYS] BRAD, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? >> I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, MAN? >> I'M AN ACTOR. I'M A FULL-TIME ACTOR. Steve: YOU'RE AN ACTOR? THAT'S ALWAYS INTERESTING. LEAN IN A LITTLE BIT. >> THANK YOU. Steve: HOW LONG YOU BEEN ACTING? >> 4 YEARS. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? WHAT TYPE OF... >> MOSTLY TV AND FILM. Steve: SO, WHAT'S THE GOAL, BRAD? WHERE DO YOU WANT IT TO GO? >> FOLLOW GREAT EXAMPLES LIKE-- I KNOW THIS GUY NAMED STEVE HARVEY. Steve: TALK ABOUT-- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] LET HIM GO. LET HIM GO. >> WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEBODY WHO'S MADE CONTRIBUTIONS-- Steve: OH, COME ON, NOW. >> AND CROSSED LINES AND BROUGHT OUT GREAT--I LIKE THAT WATCH, BY THE WAY. Steve: LIKE I SAID... I MADE A FEW DOLLARS. YOU KNOW... THIS AIN'T THE FIRST SHOW. NAME SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH THE WORD "DOGGIE." >> EXCUSE ME, MOM, BUT DOGGIE STYLE? [CHEERING] >> I KNOW WHAT YOU THINKING. >> IT'S OK. Steve: WHY YOU LAUGHING SO HARD? KERINGTON. HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA! DOGGIE STYLE. [CHEERING] TELL YOU HOW MESSED UP I AM. I THOUGHT IT WAS NUMBER ONE. WE ASKED 100 MEN, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU TOOK A DATE TO A RESTAURANT THAT TURNED OUT TO BE MORE THAN YOU COULD AFFORD? MICHAEL? >> DITCH HER! [LAUGHTER] Steve: MIKE, YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY, SINCE THIS SHOW IS TAPED. WE COULD EDIT THIS OUT. ARE YOU SURE THAT'S THE ANSWER YOU WANT TO GIVE WITH THE UNIFORM ON? OK, LET'S GO FOR IT. ON BEHALF OF THE UNITED STATES ARMY...WE'RE DITCHIN' HER! PHILETTE, GIVE ME SOMETHING ABOUT A PERSON'S LIPS THAT WOULD MAKE A GOOD-NIGHT KISS A BAD-NIGHT KISS. >> THEY'RE TOO BIG. Steve: THEY ARE T-- >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: THAT'S A WEDDING RING. SOMEBODY DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU FEEL. >> YEAH. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. Steve: LIPS ARE TOO BIG. [BUZZER] YES! YES! YES! YES! OBVIOUSLY, PHILETTE, YOU AIN'T HAD A SET OF THESE PUPPIES ON YOU. >> I HAVE. THAT'S WHY I SAID THEY'RE TOO BIG. >> OOH. Steve: PHILETTE, I'LL HAVE YOU LOOKING FOR ME IN THE DAYTIME WITH A FLASHLIGHT. CAROL, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: I'VE BEEN WAITING TO MEET YOU. >> OH, GOOD. I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE YOU. Steve: HAVE YOU REALLY? >> YEAH. Steve: REALLY? >> YEAH, BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE YOU. Steve: TALK IN YOUR MIKE. >> I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE YOU. I'VE BEEN WATCHING THE SHOW FOR YEARS... Steve: WOW. >> AND YOU'RE THE BEST SO FAR OF HOSTS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YOU ARE THE BEST. YOU ARE THE GREATEST. Steve: GO ON WITH YOURSELF. >> THERE'S NO ONE LIKE YOU... Steve: YES. >> AND I LOVE YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. Steve: YES. YES. >> I DIDN'T SAY I LOVED YOU BECAUSE YOUR WIFE MIGHT GET MAD. Steve: DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. >> OH, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WORRY RIGHT NOW? Steve: NO. MY WIFE DON'T GET RATINGS COUNTED. YOU KEEP TALKING, LADY. >> OF COURSE, I'M TOO OLD FOR YOU. Steve: UH-UH. >> AH. Steve: I DON'T KNOW, BABE. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER INTERVIEWED ANYBODY UP HERE BEFORE. THIS IS REALLY NICE. >> WELL, I CAN HELP YOU. Steve: OK. I LIKED IT. I REALLY ENJOYED IT, THOUGH, MISS CAROL, AND ALL THE NICE THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT ME, THAT'LL NEVER GET EDITED OUT OF THIS SHOW. >> OH, GOOD. I HOPE NOT... Steve: YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, BOY. >> BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE YOU. Steve: EDIT IT OUT, I QUIT. >> NO, NO, NO, NO. Steve: ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. WE'RE DOWN TO BUSINESS. HEY, POINT VALUES ARE TRIPLED, EVERYBODY. WE GOT THE TOP 4 ANSWERS ON THE BOARD. NAME SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HAPPEN WHILE YOU'RE BENDING OVER TOUCHING YOUR TOES. MIRANDA. >> YOUR UNDERWEAR SHOWS. Steve: YOUR UNDERWEAR SHOWS. [BUZZER] CAROL? >> OH. YOU HURT YOUR BACK. Steve: YOU HURT YOUR BACK. WOW. >> OH, STEVE! YEAH. Steve: YEAH. YOU DID IT. >> PLAY, PLAY, PLAY. >> YEAH. WE'RE GONNA PLAY. Steve: YES! YES. >> YEAH. YEAH. WE'RE GONNA PLAY. I'M SO EXCITED. Steve: YOU GOT IT. YOU GOT IT. I KNOW IT, I CAN TELL YOU. >> OH, THANK YOU. Steve: YES! YOU'RE WELCOME. CAN'T BELIEVE IT! >> I KNOW. ARE WE READY TO GO OVER? Steve: YEAH, WE'RE READY TO GO AS SOON AS YOU GO OVER THERE. GO OVER-- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] HI, CAROL. >> HI, STEVE. Steve: WOW. BOY, OH, BOY. HOW YOU DOING? WHAT DO YOU DO? >> WELL, I'M RETIRED, AND WE MOVED TO THE CAPE IN THE SUMMER, AND MY HUSBAND AND I DO PART-TIME WATCHING THE POOLS, WATCHING KIDS AND THAT. BUT WE DON'T SAVE LIVES. Steve: YOU CAN HIRE US. WE WATCH THE POOL AND YOUR KIDS, BUT WE'RE NOT JUMPING IN, SAVING ANYONE. HE JUMPED IN. WE WERE TELLING HIM, "SWIM AWAY. SWIM AWAY. HE JUST KEPT GOING UNDER. THAT'LL BE 150 FOR WATCHING THE POOL, THOUGH, SIR." CAROL... >> WHAT? IT'S THE TRUTH. NAME SOMETHING SPECIFIC YOU SHOULD NEVER DO WHILE YOU'RE NAKED. >> DANCE. Steve: DANCE NAKED. I TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR TO YOU, YOU'LL FAINT. I'LL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT THERE. IF YOU A GUY, THAT AIN'T THE MOVE YOU WANT TO DO, NOT THAT RIGHT THERE. NOT THE... WHOO. SHE SAYS DANCE. HAKIM, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> I AM A TEACHER AND A PERSONAL TRAINER. Steve: AW, YEAH, I SEE YOU. I SEE YOU. YEAH, YOU NICE, BOY. I COULD SEE YOU NICE UP UNDER THERE. WHAT'S YOUR BODY FAT PERCENTAGE? >> I'M ABOUT 12%. Steve: 12%. THAT'S NICE. I'M 21. >> I CAN GET YOU DOWN. Steve: NO, YOU CAN'T. NO, YOU CAN'T. I GO TO DINNER EVERY NIGHT, AND I LIKE WHAT I'M EATING, SO... ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. WELL, AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. YOU GONNA GET A LOT OF CUSTOMERS. NAME SOMETHING SPECIFIC YOU SHOULD NEVER DO WHILE YOU'RE NAKED. >> I'M GONNA SAY GO SKINNY-DIPPING. Steve: SIR. >> YES. Steve: JUST WANTED TO JUST THROW A LITTLE BIT AT YOU. WELL, SEE, IF YOU GO SKINNY-DIPPING, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NAKED. >> SURVEY SAYS... Steve: SURVEY SAYS... Steve: THIS IS A GOOD ONE. HEY, DAVE. HOW YOU DOING, MAN? WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, BUDDY? >> I'M A SOFTWARE ANALYST. Steve: GOOD. YOU MARRIED? >> NOPE. Steve: YOU HAVE SOMEBODY ON THE RADAR? >> MAYBE. Steve: ALL RIGHT. MAYBE. YOU DON'T WANT THEIR HOPES TO GO UP, HUH? WHAT A GUY. "EH, MAYBE. KINDA." THE GUY DON'T GIVE AWAY NOTHING, MAN. HOW LONG YOU BEEN DATING THIS GIRL? >> WELL, WE JUST BROKE UP. Steve: WOW. JUST BROKE UP? WHOSE FAULT WAS IT? >> MINE. Steve: IS THERE ANY CHANCE SHE MIGHT TAKE YOU BACK? >> POSSIBLY. Steve: POSSIBLY. NEED THAT 20,000, HUH? >> IT WOULD COME IN HANDY RIGHT ABOUT NOW. Steve: YEAH, MAN. I KNOW IT. Steve: MISS DENISE, HOW YOU DOING? >> WONDERFUL. Steve: NICE TO MEET YOU. >> NICE TO MEET YOU. Steve: OH, YEAH. YOU GOT A PASTOR'S VOICE. I CAN TELL RIGHT NOW. IT'S GONNA BE A TOUGH DAY. >> OH! Steve: OH, GLORY. >> GLORY! GLORY, GLORY! Steve: YEAH, I SURE HATE TO ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. [LAUGHTER] THIS AIN'T GOING GOOD ALREADY. THE HELL Y'ALL AIN'T GET THIS ONE? WE TALKED TO A HUNDRED MARRIED WOMEN, MISS DENISE, AND WE ASKED THEM WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR HUSBAND WANTED YOU TO GET A BOOB JOB? >> I WOULD SAY, "YES, ANYTHING FOR YOU, HONEY." >> WHOO! Steve: GO AHEAD, PASTOR! "YES! ANYTHING FOR YOU, HONEY!" "YES! ANYTHING FOR YOU, HONEY!" ASYA, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. YOU MARRIED? >> NO, I'M NOT. Steve: OK. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] MR. WILLIE, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAITHFUL. Steve: YES, YOU ARE. OH, OH. OH, THE FLIP SIDE--ALL THEIR ANSWERS GONNA BE SPIRITUAL. [LAUGHTER] WANT YOU ALL TO GET READY FOR THIS TODAY. IT'S A CHURCH FAMILY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ARE YOU ALL IN THE FUNERAL BUSINESS? >> NO, SIR. Steve: THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE A FUNERAL PARLOR FAN. [LAUGHTER] AND GUESS WHO THEY TRYIN' TO MAKE A CUSTOMER? [LAUGHTER] WHOO! WILLIE, WELL, WE ASKED A HUNDRED MARRIED WOMEN THIS: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR HUSBAND WANTED YOU TO GET A BOOB JOB? >> HOW LARGE? Steve: HOW LARGE? [LAUGHTER, CHEERS, AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: YEAH. HOW BIG DO YOU WANT THESE PUPPIES TO BE? Steve: DENISE, HI. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> I AM A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER, BUT THAT'S BY DAY. IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO AERIAL ACROBATICS. Steve: EXCUSE ME? >> AERIAL ACROBATICS. Steve: AERIAL ACROBATICS. >> YES. SO IMAGINE YOU HUNG A ROPE FROM THE TOP OF THE STUDIO. I WOULD CLIMB THAT, WRAP MYSELF UP, DO A LITTLE BIT OF DROPS, DO SOME POSES TO MUSIC. Steve: OK, OK, OK. WHOA, WHOA. YES. OK. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO MEET HER ALL MY LIFE, UH, BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS, THOUGH. PEOPLE HIRE YOU. >> NO. I DON'T GET PAID. I PAY OTHER PEOPLE TO DO IT. SO IT'S MORE OF A HOBBY. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Steve: THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. YOU DON'T GET PAID, AND YOU PAY OTHER PEOPLE. I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU. YOU READY? >> YES. Steve: ALL RIGHT. WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO A FRIEND ON THE PHONE, NAME SOMETHING YOU HOPE THEY'RE NOT DOING ON THE OTHER END. >> I AM HOPING THEY ARE NOT HAVING INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Steve: WOW. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: ESPECIALLY IF THEY UP THERE ON THE ROPE. >> ESPECIALLY. Steve: LET'S HOPE THEY'RE NOT HAVING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE PEOPLE UP THERE ON THE ROPE BEFORE SHE GOT THERE TO PAY THE MONEY. NAME SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE SERVICED AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. THE VAGINA. IT'S TV, STEVE. IT'S STEVE. LET'S GO. WHOO! THAT BETTER BE CHECKED ONCE A YEAR. IT BETTER BE CHECKED ONCE A YEAR. LET'S GO. LET'S GO. BING! GIVE ME ANOTHER NAME. I'M GONNA SAY THAT, BUT GIVE ME ANOTHER NAME. OH, WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD UP. [LAUGHTER] Steve: BOY, THE LOOK ON HIS FACE..."YOU WANT ME TO GO AND SAY THAT?" NO, NO. I'M SORRY. LET'S JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. I FEEL SO UNCOMFORTABLE SAYING THAT. >> I DID, TOO. Steve: WOMEN--LADIES, GIVE ME ANOTHER--A CUTE NAME FOR IT. [WOMEN SPEAK INDISTINCTLY] Steve: JUST THE NAME FOR THAT. "VA-JAY-JAY." THE VA-JAY-JAY! YEAH! THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! VA-JAY-JAY! VA-JAY-JAY. VA-JAY-JAY, VA-JAY-JAY, VA-JAY-JAY, YES! ♪ THE VA-JAY-JAY, VA-JAY-JAY VA-JAY-JAY, YES THE VA-JAY-JAY, VA-JAY-JAY ♪ BOY, THAT'S SUCH A GOOD NAME. ♪ VA-JAY-JAY, VA-JAY-JAY, YES I LIKE THE VA-JAY-JAY VA-JAY-JAY, YES VA-JAY-JAY, VA-JAY... [VOCALIZES REGGAE-STYLE] LOVE VA-JAY-JAY [VOCALIZES REGGAE-STYLE] I LOVE VA-JAY-JAY ♪ I LIKE THAT. WHEW, THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER. WHOO! IS IT LINA? >> LINA. Steve: HI, LINA. >> HOW NICE TO MEET YOU. AND LET ME TELL YOU, STEVE, MY PARENTS LOVE YOU. Steve: I LOVE YOUR PARENTS. >> THEY WATCH YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY. THEY DO. EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH. Steve: THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH? >> NO. THEY'RE ITALIAN. A LITTLE BIT. THEY CAN SPEAK A LITTLE BIT, BUT THEY LOVE YOU. Steve: WHAT DOES SHE THINK I'M SAYING? >> OH, NO, NO. SHE JUST LOVES YOU, THE WAY YOU MOVE AROUND, THE WAY YOU TALK TO PEOPLE, YOU WEAR YOU THE DRESS. SMOOTH! Steve: I SEE. I SEE. >> FANTASTIC. Steve: WOO. >> YOU ARE. Steve: I FEEL YOUR MAMA. >> OH, MAMA FEELS YOU. NO, NO. MAMA. MY MAMA. Steve: SO YOU ARE FROM ITALY? >> WELL, I WAS BORN THERE. Steve: YEAH? >> YES. Steve: THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU THAT. >> I WAS ONLY 12 WHEN I EMIGRATED HERE. Steve: ONLY 12? >> ONLY 12. YES. Steve: I WAS 4 WHEN I EMIGRATED HERE. I CAME FROM WEST VIRGINIA. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, LINA? >> I DO INTERPRETING. Steve: OK, ITALIAN. >> SI, SI. Steve: WHAT I WANT YOU TO SAY... >> OH, MAMA. Steve: MY MOTHER LOVES YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE SO SEXY. >> [SPEAKS ITALIAN] [AUDIENCE HOWLS] >> WOO! WOO! OH! Steve: [BARKING] >> MAMA. Steve: BOY, I TELL YOU SOMETHING, PAUL, YOU GOT YOUR HANDS FULL WITH HER, BOY. WOO, PAUL. AND RUB HIS HEAD, TOO. WOO! >> KEEP IT SHINY. Steve: I'LL BET IT GETS SEXY AT Y'ALL'S HOUSE, DON'T IT? [TRYING TO SPEAK ITALIAN] ALL I KNOW IN ITALIAN IS PORTABELLA MUSHROOM. THAT'S ALL I KNOW.. Steve: LINA, YOU MADE IT. YOU'RE ON "FAMILY FEUD." >> THANK YOU. Steve: MOM'S WATCHING. >> SHE'S PROUD. Steve: SAY SOMETHING TO HER RIGHT NOW. >> MAMA... [SPEAKS ITALIAN] Steve: THERE YOU GO. >> SI, SI. Steve: SISI. WHO IS SISI? >> OH, SI, SI IS YES, YES. Steve: OH. HA HA. >> YES, YES. [LAUGHTER] >> SI, SI. Steve: YOU KNOW, I'M BLACK. WHO IS SISI? HA! HOW YOU DOING, MAN? LET ME TIGHTEN YOU UP A LITTLE BIT. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, SIR? >> I'M A PHARMACEUTICAL REPRESENTATIVE. Steve: OH, MY MAN, YOU GOT A GOOD JOB. YOU MARRIED? >> NO, NOT YET. Steve: OH, ALL RIGHT NOW. ALL RIGHT NOW. OH, OH, YOU GOT MONEY, BENEFITS. YOU AIN'T MET NOBODY YET? >> ACTUALLY, I AM SEEING SOMEBODY QUITE SPECIAL, SO-- Steve: ALL RIGHT. QUITE SPECIAL. ALL RIGHT. YOU DONE PRETTY MUCH LOCKED IT DOWN. YOU DONE MADE A DECISION. >> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS, LIKE ALL THINGS, STEVE. Steve: YEAH. SHE AIN'T HERE, IS SHE? IS SHE HERE? >> SHE IS HERE. Steve: SHE'S HERE? >> YES. Steve: WELL, LET'S SEE. WHO IS SHE? WHOO! MY MAN! WHAT'S UP, BOY? >> HEY, THAT'S HOW WE DO IT, STEVE. THAT'S HOW WE DO IT. Steve: OH, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, BABY, ALL RIGHT. I SEE YOU. FELICIA, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING GOOD, STEVE. Steve: OH. WHAT IS THAT, BABE? WHAT, YOU GOT A NICE BRACELET? >> NO. Steve: WHAT-- >> DO WHAT ANY GENTLEMAN WOULD DO. Steve: DO WHAT ANY GENTLEMAN WOULD DO? MWAH. >> AH! GOOD, GOOD. >> NO. NO. NO, STEVE. NO. Steve: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ME. >> NO. NO. NO. Steve: I KNOW, BABY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. RICHARD DAWSON DON'T DO THE SHOW NO MORE. MY WIFE TOLD ME, "YOU AIN'T GOING OUT THERE TO KISS NOTHING." Steve: NAME SOMETHING IN HIS HOUSE A MAN MIGHT TRY TO LIFT THAT WOULD GIVE HIM A HERNIA. >> I WOULD SAY TOOLS. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER, SHANNON! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER. Steve: "OOH, THAT BIG OL' SCREWDRIVER. WHEW!" "HAMMER! OH, NO, NOT THE HAMMER! NOT TODAY! NOT TODAY! I GOT HOSPITALIZED LAST YEAR, BUT IT WAS WITHOUT THAT HAMMER!" Steve: LEROY--OR SHOULD I CALL YOU MR. "SUDDEN DEATH"? THIS GUY--THEY WON 2 GAMES THE EXACT SAME WAY. THE FAMILY HAS GONE TO "SUDDEN DEATH." LEROY HAS BEEN THE GUY TO GO OUT THERE AND HAS WON IT FOR HIS TEAM BOTH TIMES. [CHEERING] Steve: AND HE'S A RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR, AND HE KNOWS A LOT ABOUT THAT, SO LET'S SEE YOU GET AROUND THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, LEROY. NAME SOMETHING IN HIS HOUSE A MAN MIGHT TRY TO LIFT THAT WOULD GIVE HIM A HERNIA. >> HIS WIFE. [CHEERING] >> GOOD ANSWER! YES! HA HA! GOOD ANSWER! >> IT'S UP THERE. >> HA HA HA HA! Steve: YEAH. YEAH, BUT THIS ONE'S GONNA CAUSE A COUPLE PROBLEMS. YEAH, PICKING HER UP. "BABY, CARRY ME LIKE YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED." [LAUGHTER] DON, MY MAN. HOW YOU FEELING, MAN? >> FANTASTIC. Steve: GOOD. WELL, LET'S GO, MAN. GIVE ME A WORD OR PHRASE THAT MEANS "NAKED." >> CAN WE SAY "BUCK-NAKED"? Steve: BUCK-NAKED? >> BUCK-NAKED. >> ALL RIGHT, GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! Steve: THAT'S DIFFERENT FROM REGULAR-NAKED, NOW. WHEN YOU BUCK-NAKED, YOU AIN'T EVEN GOT FLIP-FLOPS ON. YOU JUST BUTT-NAKED. YOU JUST OUT THERE-- JUST ALL THIS OUT, ALL THIS OUT. BUCK-NAKED! RAMI? >> HOW YOU DOING? Steve: IS IT RAMI? >> YES, SIR. Steve: MY MAN. HOW YOU FEELING, MAN? >> ALL RIGHT. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, RAMI? >> SAME THING. NEW CARS, BUT I ALSO ENJOY A NICE PAIR OF SLACKS, AND I LIKE THE FEELING OF SHAG CARPET BETWEEN MY TOES. SOMETHING I REALLY LIKE. [LAUGHTER] IT'S A TRUE STORY. Steve: YEAH, RAMI. FOR SURE. RIGHT. YEAH. YOU THOUGHT YOU'D TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY ON NATIONAL TV TO TELL ALL THE CHICKS OUT THERE THAT YOU LIKE THE FEEL OF SHAG CARPET UP 'TWEEN YOUR TOES. [LAUGHTER] RAMI GOT THAT SHAG COMING UP BETWEEN THEM TOES, BOY. I'M SAYING. YEAH. YEAH. TWINKLE, TWINKLE. [LAUGHTER] I SEE YOU, RAMI, BIG SEXY. ALWAYS ONE IN THE FAMILY. Steve: TAREK. MY MAN. >> HOW ARE YOU? Steve: HOW YOU FEELING, MAN? >> GREAT. GREAT. HAPPY TO BE HERE. Steve: WELL, I'M GONNA GO FOR IT. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> I'M NOT A CAR SALESMAN. Steve: MY MAN. >> MY HOBBY IS--I'M A MMA FIGHTER, TOO, SO-- Steve: YOU'RE A WHAT? >> MMA FIGHTER. Steve: YOU'RE A MMA FIGHTER. >> THAT'S RIGHT. [LAUGHTER] Steve: OH, NO, NO, NO. YOU FIGHT ME, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOU. [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW, SEE, MY FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS THIS RIGHT HERE. [LAUGHTER] SEE, YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT. PUT THAT IN YOUR LITTLE MMA REPERTOIRE. MIXED MARTIAL ARTS. RIGHT HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT I USED TO DO BECAUSE I ALWAYS USED TO FIGHT WHEN I WAS A KID? I'D TAKE THIS RIGHT HERE AND STICK IT IN ONE OF YOUR NOSTRILS AND JUST TEAR THAT THING. YEAH. HA HA! NAME SOMETHING THAT GETS ARRANGED. >> THIS IS EASY FOR ME BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING TO DO IT TO ME. MARRIAGES. Steve: MARRIAGES. TRYING TO ARRANGE A MARRIAGE. >> I'M SAYING, I AIN'T HAVING IT, BUT-- Steve: YEAH. FIGHT IT, BABY. FIGHT IT. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. IT'S HARD ENOUGH WHEN YOU PICK IT. DON'T LET NOBODY PICK IT FOR YOU. [LAUGHTER] GET OUT. RUN. DON'T DO IT. KILL YOURSELF. [LAUGHTER] I GOT A NUMBER OF OPTIONS FOR YOU, BUT PLEASE DON'T LET THEM ARRANGE ONE FOR YOU, ASAD. OH, GOD, LISTEN TO ME. YOU'RE LOOKING AT A GUY BEEN IN 3 OF THEM. I'M TELLING YOU. WHOO! >> IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. Steve: BOY, THIS IS A GOOD MOMENT FOR ME. THANK YOU. YEAH. COME ON, MAN. IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT, MAN. [INDISTINCT] >> YOU'RE GONNA GET THROUGH IT. Steve: WE NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS THING, MAN. WE GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH, BABY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YEAH. YOU CAN STAY AT MY HOUSE. DON'T LET THEM DO IT TO YOU. NAME SOMETHING THAT GETS ARRANGED. A MARRIAGE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NAME SOMETHING YOU MEASURE IN INCHES. >> UH, A MAN'S PRIVATE PART. SORRY! I DIDN'T DO IT! >> I WANT THE POINTS, STEVE! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU BACK HERE TELLING ME HOW MANY INCHES SOME MAN IS AND IF IT'S ON THERE-- PROBABLY UP THERE. [LAUGHTER] THE PRIVATE PARTS ON A MAN. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] TELL ME SOMETHING YOU DO RIGHT BEFORE YOU KISS SOMEONE. >> SOFT TALK THEM. SOFT TALK. Steve: OH. YEAH. BOY. OOH. THREW ME OFF A LITTLE BIT. HA. I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA--SOFT TALK THEM. HEY, DOUG. SEE, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT THIS IS A NEW SURVEY. THESE CATS, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. BEFORE YOU MOVE IN, YOU SOFT TALK THEM. >> THE YOUNG PEOPLE, TOO. Steve: Let me say something to you, see what I'm saying? [LAUGHTER] >> THERE YOU GO. Steve: YEAH. >> YOU AND I ARE-- Steve: ME AND YOU FIRE RIGHT ON IN THERE. SOON AS YOU GO... [MUMBLING] Steve: THIS IS MY MAN RIGHT HERE. >> YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? Steve: YEAH. >> I GOT ENGAGED 2 DAYS AGO. Steve: WOW. WOW! >> YEAH, SHE'S PRETTY LUCKY. Steve: YEAH. [LAUGHTER] >> I'M SAYING ALL THE WRONG THINGS. Steve: ALL OF THEM. DAVE, LISTEN TO ME: SHUT UP. YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR. ISN'T SHE THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? >> SHE'S UP THERE. YES! YES! YES! EDIT THAT OUT. EDIT THAT. Steve: DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID? HE SAID, "EDIT THAT OUT. JUST TAKE IT OUT." YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW WE'RE NOT TAKING THAT OUT. YOU JUST SAID, "SHE'S UP THERE." WELL, WHAT ELSE IS--WHEN YOU SAY "SHE'S UP THERE," LIKE, WITH WHAT? >> I WAS THE CAPTAIN OF MY HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL TEAM. [LAUGHTER] THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: THIS--THIS GUY IS REALLY AN IDIOT! [LAUGHTER] Steve: MAN! WHEN A MAN AND WOMAN GET TOO HOT AND HEAVY, NAME SOMETHING THEY COULD BREAK. TOM? >> A HEART. Steve: A HEART! THE THING IN YOUR CHEST! [LAUGHTER] WHAT IS--WHAT IS THE WANG? >> THE WANG? BEANPOLE, YEAH. Steve: BEANPOLE? >> BEANPOLE. [LAUGHTER] THE QUESTION IS SOMETHING THEY COULD BREAK. >> SOUNDS AWFUL. Steve: YEAH. A BROKEN BEANPOLE. I'VE BENT IT. >> HA HA! [LAUGHTER] HAD THAT PUPPY CAUGHT IN THE ZIPPER A COUPLE TIMES, BUT NEVER... >> HA HA HA! Steve: NEVER BROKE IT. >> THANK GOD. Steve: I PROTECT IT WITH MY LIFE. [LAUGHTER] YOU JUST WANT ME TO GO TO RICK, DON'T YOU? >> GO TO RICK. GO TO RICK. Steve: RICK? >> BREAK THE BED! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: 37 YEARS! BREAK THE BED! HA HA! MY MAN! HA HA! I AIN'T EVEN SEEN YOUR BABY, BUT THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD. OK, DAVE IS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ENGAGED, DAVE? >> 3 DAYS. Steve: 3 DAYS. >> YEAH. [APPLAUSE] Steve: AND I ASKED YOU YESTERDAY, IT'S PROBABLY THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR LIFE, AND YOU SAID IT WAS... >> I SAID IT'S UP THERE. Steve: IT'S UP THERE. [LAUGHTER] WHAT'S UP THERE WITH GETTING MARRIED? AND YOU SAID... >> I WAS THE CAPTAIN OF MY HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL TEAM. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] I WAS GOOD. Steve: AND THEN, UNDER HIS BREATH, I WENT TO HIM AND I SAID, "MAN, HOW'S THAT AS IMPORTANT AS GETTING MARRIED?" HE SAID, "HEY, WE WON THE LEAGUE." [LAUGHTER] WOW. I LOVE THIS GUY. AND HE'S GRINNING LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. LOVE THIS DUDE, MAN. HEH HEH! HEY, DAVE, NAME A PART OF THE BODY YOU HAVE TWO OF THAT YOU HOPE ARE THE EXACT SAME SIZE. >> TESTICLES. >> ALL RIGHT! Steve: LOVE THIS GUY, MAN. THIS IS MY FAVORITE, MY FAVORITE GUY. THANK YOU. HE'S MY FAVORITE GUY. I LOVE THIS GUY. I DON'T EVEN CARE IF IT'S NOT UP THERE. TESTICLES! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: ALL RIGHT, BIG T. LET'S GO, MAN. BESIDES SLEEP-WALK, NAME SOMETHING YOU'D HATE TO FIND OUT YOU DID WHILE ASLEEP. >> I'M GONNA GO WITH FART OR EITHER PASS GAS. SAME THING. Steve: PASS GAS. GO WITH THE "FORT" OR TO PASS GAS. I'VE NEVER HEARD IT PRONOUNCED LIKE THAT BEFORE. "YOU CAN GO WITH THE FORT OR YOU CAN PASS GAS." THAT'S F-A-U-R-T-E. "FAURTE," KIND OF LIKE THE "FORT." IT WAS A BIG ONE. IT WAS A "FAURTE." LITTLE ONE'S A FART. THE BIG ONES ARE FAURTE. IT'S LIKE A FORT. THEY BUILD IT. IT'S A TEMPEST. IT'S ON A HILL, SURROUNDED BY A MOAT. IT'S PROTECTED BY GUARDS. CASTLE MEMBERS, SLINGS AND ARROWS I SUFFER. HE WAS THERE, LYING THERE ASLEEP, AND HE FAURTED! [LAUGHTER] ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE FROM THE MOTHERLANDS! THEY CAME, CHASTISING ME! [LAUGHTER] FAURTE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SO NOBLE AN ANSWER THERE. FAURTING. [CHEERING] >> LAMIKA. Steve: WELL, NOW, YOU KNOW, MOVE SOME OF YOUR HAIR. >> OH. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU KNOW. "LAMIKA. OLD STUPID, OLD HOST, IT'S LAMIKA. WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT YOU-- WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? IT'S LAMIKA. WHAT ABOUT IT? COMING OVER HERE, YOU DON'T KNOW NOBODY. NOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU HOSTING." MOVE YOUR HAIR. THANK YOU. NAME SOMETHING A CHEF MIGHT PUT IN A COMPLAINING CUSTOMER'S FOOD. >> I'M GONNA SAY PUBIC HAIR. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! Steve: YOU KNOW, ALL THIS OTHER HAIR... [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU GOT EYELASHES--EASIER TO GET TO. A LOT OF HAIR MUCH EASIER TO REACH. "AND I'LL PUT SOME HAIR IN THE FOOD. ARM HAIR. DIDN'T REALLY GET IT. I GOT A LITTLE UNDERARM HAIR. THAT'LL BE GOOD RIGHT THERE, AND THEN JUST BRUSH IT A LITTLE BIT IN IT," BUT OH, NO. NO, NOT LATASHA. PUBIC HAIR! [CHEERING] >> HA HA HA! Steve: THEY'RE GIVING IT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU SAID "HAIR," BUT TRUST AND BELIEVE THAT AIN'T THE SAME THING. NAME SOMETHING THAT SOME PEOPLE DO CLOTHED BUT OTHERS DO IN THE NUDE. >> CLEAN. >> YES. YES. Steve: WOW. NEVER DONE THAT NAKED. >> IN NEW YORK, WE DO. Steve: I'LL TRY IT. >> WHY NOT? Steve: NAH. I RUN THAT VACUUM CLEANER, I'M GONNA HAVE SOME PROBLEMS. I CAN'T RISK IT. CLEAN. ANNETTE, GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT SOME PEOPLE DO CLOTHED WHILE OTHER PEOPLE DO-- >> COOK. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: NO. NO, IT'S NOT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF Y'ALL RIGHT HERE. NOW HOLD ON. COOK NAKED? >> WHY NOT? Steve: ARE YOU, UH-- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> "UH, UH," YEAH. NAKED. YEAH. Steve: ON TOP OF THE STOVE? FRYING? YOU'RE FRYING SOMETHING NAKED? BACON? BACON NAKED. I'LL BET YOU'LL STOP COOKING NAKED. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. YOU PUT SOME BACON IN THERE AND START COOKING. SEE WHAT HAPPENS. NOW, ANNETTE, IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE UP THERE, BUT YOU'RE GONNA STOP ARGUING WITH ME. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE SITTING UP HERE, GONNA IMITATE ME. "UH?" OK, LADY. JUST SAY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. CAREFUL NOW. OLD, LITTLE, NASTY ANNETTE COOKING NAKED. [BUZZER] >> WORSE. Steve: YES. NO. >> OH, GOD, IT'S HOT IN HERE. Steve: I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I DO. HA HA HA! MESS AROUND WITH BIG DADDY, GIRL. AH... MISS MARION. >> IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU. Steve: HOW YOU DOING TODAY? >> I'M DOING REAL WELL. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, MA'AM? >> I AM RETIRED. RETIRED ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT. Steve: WOW. IN EDUCATION? >> NO. I WAS IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR. [LAUGHTER] Steve: MISS MARION, I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS. I'M... >> THAT MEANS THAT IT WAS NOT IN EDUCATION. [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: MISS MARION DONE BEEN INTO SOME THINGS WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, Y'ALL. LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT, AND LET'S JUST MOVE ON. NAME SOMETHING SPECIFIC YOU MIGHT WORRY ABOUT WHILE GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN THE WOODS. >> THAT YOU MIGHT GET A SPLINTER IN YOUR BUTT. Steve: MIGHT GET A SPLINTER IN YOUR BUTT. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW YOU GET THIS SPLINTER IN YOUR BUTT. >> I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M SURE IT CAN HAPPEN. Steve: WIPING YOURSELF WITH A BRANCH. >> YEAH. Steve: THAT'S ONE WAY. AND THEM LEAVES LOOK A LITTLE ROUGH. I'M GONNA TAKE THIS TREE LIMB OR THIS LOG... I'M GONNA SCRAPE THIS PUPPY. I'M GONNA JUST TAKE A SHOT AT IT. OH, GOD, THAT'S PAINFUL! YES. ALL RIGHT, WE'RE LOOKING FOR GET A SPLINTER IN YOUR BUTT. WE TALKED TO 100 MEN. NAME SOMETHING ANY WOMAN CAN DO TO BE SEXY. >> I'M GONNA SAY BAT YOUR EYELASHES. Steve: BAT YOUR EYELASHES. ALL RIGHT. FLUTTER, FLUTTER. BAT YOUR EYELASHES. [AUDIENCE GROANS] Steve: YOU FEELING ME? [LAUGHTER] Steve: DO YOU LIKE IT? BIG DADDY, YOU LIKE THIS HERE? THANK YOU. HI, EMILY. >> HI. Steve: ONCE Y'ALL PUT YOUR HAIR ON YOUR TAG, I'M LOST. WHAT DO YOU YOU DO, EMILY? >> WELL, CAN I FIRST TELL YOU THAT TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY? Steve: OH, WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! >> THANK YOU. IT'S ALSO SARA'S BIRTHDAY. Steve: AND SARA'S BIRTHDAY. AND ON NATIONAL TV. HOW BIG IS THAT? >> HUGE. Steve: YOU GONNA BE THE WOMAN AT YOUR JOB. WHERE DO YOU WORK? >> I ACTUALLY PLAY UKULELE IN A LOCAL CABARET TROUPE HERE IN ATLANTA. WHAT TYPE OF BAND IS THIS? >> IT'S A CABARET TROUPE. IT'S LIKE BURLESQUE, BUT WE DON'T ALWAYS TAKE OFF OUR CLOTHES. Steve: OH! YOU DON'T ALWAYS TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES. >> WELL, I DON'T TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES. Steve: BUT SOMETIMES 'CAUSE IT'S GOING A LITTLE SLOW, THEY AIN'T REALLY FEELING THAT UKULELE. AW...ANY OF Y'ALL LIKE IT? Y'ALL AIN'T FEELING IT? NO? Y'ALL AIN'T GETTING IT? HOLD ON. HOW ABOUT NOW? Y'ALL LIKE IT NOW? YEAH. YOU AIN'T FEELING IT? HUH? HOLD ON. HOW ABOUT NOW? HOW ABOUT NOW? HOW ABOUT NOW? YOU LIKE THAT? YOU LIKE THAT UKULELE? YOU DON'T LIKE IT YET? HOW ABOUT THIS HERE. POW! HOW ABOUT NOW? OH! OK, EMILY, I'M SORRY. WE'RE JUST KIDDING, OK. NAME SOMETHING ANY WOMAN CAN DO TO BE SEXIER. I THINK YOU--BAM. >> I BETTER HAVE THIS ONE, SO I'M GONNA SAY DANCE. Steve: DANCE! DANCE! [AUDIENCE GROANS] Steve: BROWN FAMILY, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE. QUINN, WE TALKED TO 100 MEN. NAME SOMETHING ANY WOMAN CAN DO TO BE SEXY? >> STEVE, WE'RE GONNA SAY STRIP DOWN TO THAT BIRTHDAY SUIT. STRIP. [CHEERING] Steve: WELL, MAMA? NOW, JUST LAST SHOW, YOU WAS TELLING ME HOW PLEASED AND PROUD THE CHURCH PEOPLE WAS GONNA BE WHEN THEY SAW YOU ON THIS SHOW. YOU KNOW THEY STILL LOOKING AT YOU? >> I KNOW, I KNOW. Steve: AND HERE WE AT DOWN AT CHURCH. THEY GONNA FIND OUT WHAT Y'ALL... ISN'T THAT HARD TO TALK ABOUT IT. THAT WOMAN'S STRIPPING DOWN, GETTING NAKED RIGHT ON DOWN TO THAT BIRTHDAY SUIT, PRAISE THE LORD. DOWN TO THE GETTING NAKED! [AUDIENCE CHEERING} NAME SOMETHING YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE ON YOUR DESK WHEN THE BOSS WALKS IN. >> STEVE, WE'RE GONNA SAY ANOTHER PERSON. Steve: WOW. >> GOOD ANSWER. YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHURCH YOU WANT TO GO TO? [LAUGHTER] 'CAUSE YOU GONNA BE HAVING TO SWITCH AFTER TONIGHT HERE. ALL RIGHT, MISS MARION. HERE WE GO. ANOTHER PERSON ON THE DESK! [BUZZER] NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT WORRY ABOUT THE DAY AFTER A ONE-NIGHT STAND. >> SMELLING LIKE SEX. Steve: SMELLING LIKE SEX. >> SMELLING LIKE SEX. Steve: [WHISPERS] THAT IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER. IT'S A MISTAKE. YOU'RE STUPID. STUPID. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZER] Audience: AWW. Steve: [MOUTHS] >> OH, I'M SORRY. Steve: THAT'S OK, CINDY. >> I'M SORRY. Steve: 5-2-6. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. WHOO. WHOO. >> WHOO WHOO. Steve: REPRESENT, REPRESENT. WHOO WHOO. >> THAT'S OUT OF LONG BEACH. Steve: SNOOP'S FROM THE LB. >> YEAH, HE IS. I KNOW. VIP RECORDS. Steve: VIP RECORDS. WOW. YOU KNOW THAT? >> YEAH, I DO. Steve: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? >> I DO. I DO. WHOO WHOO. Steve: HIP-HOP IS REALLY TAKING OVER. >> [LAUGHS] Steve: LITTLE TOO FAR. Steve: 562. >> 562. Steve: GANGSTA RAP! >> THAT'S IT, YEAH. Steve: YEAH. >> YEAH. Steve: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. WE ASKED 100 WOMEN, NAME AN OCCUPATION FILLED WITH SWEATY, SEXY MEN. >> HOW ABOUT ONE OF THOSE DANCERS, THOSE, YOU KNOW, DANCERS? TAKE IT OFF DANCING, YOU KNOW? LIKE ONE OF THOSE-- >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: WHICH ONES YOU TALKING ABOUT, CINDY? >> THOSE, YOU KNOW, THE GUYS-- THOSE CHIPPENDALE KIND OF GUYS. Steve: YEAH. >> THEY'RE SWEATY AND-- Steve: YEAH. >> SWEATY, SEXY. Steve: YEAH, YEAH. YOU'VE BEEN THERE? >> UM... [LAUGHTER] NO, NOT AT ALL. NOT AT ALL. MM-MMM. NO, NO. NOT AT ALL. Steve: TOM, YOU OUT SELLING ALL THAT COCA-COLA... [LAUGHTER] YOUR WIFE JUST WENT, "UHH! TAKE IT OFF! YES! TAKE IT OFF!" LET ME GET SOME MORE INFORMATION FOR YOU, TOM. >> NO! Steve: DO YOU REMEMBER HIS NAME? >> THE SWEATY, SEXY DANCER? HA HA! Steve: WHOOP WHOOP! >> WHOOP WHOOP! NO, BUT I KNOW HIS AREA CODE. HA HA HA! Steve: "NO, BUT I KNOW HIS AREA CODE! 12!" ALL RIGHT. TOM DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS. WE'RE BREAKING UP FAMILIES HERE ON THE "FAMILY FEUD," FOLKS. >> I KNOW. OH! [LAUGHTER] Steve: SWEATY, SEXY, HOT CHIPPENDALE DANCER! >> AAH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: HA HA HA! >> OH, MY. Steve: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 562. ABOUT TO FIND ANOTHER ONE DOWN THERE, TOM. NAME THE BIGGEST COMPLAINT WOMEN HAVE ABOUT THE WAY MEN MAKE LOVE. >> WELL...THEY DON'T, YOU KNOW, MESS AROUND FIRST. THEY JUST GO TO IT. Steve: YOU'RE KIDDING ME, CINDY. >> NO. I MEAN, LIKE--YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Steve: HUH? >> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Steve: OH, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE MEANS, BUT THIS CONVERSATION IS GOLD. >> I JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PERFECTLY PHRASE IT, BUT, YOU KNOW. Steve: I KNOW. JUST KIND OF JUST--BOW! >> YEAH. NOBODY LIKES THAT. Steve: "BACK! BACK! BACK! GIVE ME A MINUTE! GET BACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET AWAY FROM ME! STOP IT!" "RRAH, RRAH RRAH!" YEAH. ALL RIGHT, LET ME GO DOWN HERE BEFORE WE FLIP THAT OVER. IT'S OK, MAN. COME ON. IT'S OK. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. EVERYTHING ABOUT--YOU'RE TOO FAST, YOU'RE JUMPING HER BONES, AND YOU GOT A CHIPPENDALE DANCER SOMEWHERE. GEEZ. THIS IS A TOUGH DAY. MAN, THIS AIN'T "FAMILY FEUD." THIS IS "FAMILY'S OVER." THIS IS A WHOLE 'NOTHER GAME. >> YEAH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> WOW. Steve: YEAH, IT HAS BEEN TOUGH. >> IT'S A TOUGH ONE, STEVE. Steve: IT'S BEEN A TOUGH DAY FOR YOU, MAN. IT HAS. Steve: WHO’S THE BEST DRESSED GAME SHOW HOST ON TELEVISION? CALEB? >> STEVE HARVEY. Steve: MY MAN! HA HA! BOY, IF IT AIN'T UP THERE, THERE ARE GONNA BE SOME DAMN PROBLEMS. STEVE HARVEY! [APPLAUSE] Steve: SIX PEOPLE? SIX PEOPLE? [AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEVE"] Steve: SIX PEOPLE? Steve: LAUDAINE? >> UH, ALEX TREBEK? Steve: ALEX TREBEK. >> YEAH. Steve: ALEX TREBEK. >> HA HA! NAME A REASON A MAN MIGHT RUSH HOME FROM WORK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. FEDELINE? >> A QUICKIE. [AUDIENCE MEMBERS CHEER] Steve: A QUICKIE. >> MR. HARVEY, WE ARE GOING TO PLAY. Steve: ALL RIGHT. [CROWD CHEERING] Steve: MAN, I SEE YOU. [BREATHILY] I SEE YOU. YEAH. >> HA HA! Steve: HEY, LOOK, I SEE YOU ALL RIGHT NOW. YOU JUST KNEW THAT NUMBER ONE RIGHT OFF THE--FED--JUST WENT ON AND JUST RIPPED IT OFF. "QUICKIE!" BIG BURT, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? >> I'M GREAT, THANK YOU. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, SIR? >> UM... Steve: BURT, BURT. BURT, BURT. THIS AIN'T--THERE'S A LOT OF CHURCH FOLKS WATCHING. THIS AIN'T THE TIME TO START HESITATING AND LYING, NOW. SO WHAT DO YOU DO, MAN? >> I RUN A COMPANY IN MARIETTA, GEORGIA, THAT IS MEDICAL TRANSCRIPTION. AND IT EMPLOYS A LOT OF WOMEN WHO WORK AT HOME. COME ON BACK. Steve: BURT'S LYING ON TV. "I, UM, HAVE A COMPANY THAT EMPLOYS WOMEN THAT STAY AT HOME." THAT'S A FORM OF PROSTITUTION, SIR. NAME SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT A BITTER EX-WIFE MIGHT WISH HER EX-HUSBAND WOULD LOSE. >> HIS ABILITY TO SEXUALLY PERFORM IS WHAT I'M THINKING MAYBE... Steve: YEAH! THERE YOU GO. THE PASTOR AIN'T MESSING AROUND. RAY: "YOU GET DOWN HERE, I BET I DON'T GET A STRIKE. YUP. I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. I GOT AN ANSWER, NOW. YOU BRING--YOU COME ON DOWN HERE. PASTOR RAY GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU CAN'T SEXUALLY PERFORM BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT ON FIRE WITH YOUR DRAWERS!" HEY, NAME A WAY YOU CAN TELL A GUY IS WEARING PANTS THAT ARE TOO TIGHT. Steve: FEDELINE, HOW YOU DOING? >> "FEDELINE." HI, MR. HARVEY. Steve: L-I-N-E. I'M SO SICK OF THESE NAMES RIGHT HERE. BOY, THEY'RE GETTING ON MY NERVES NOW WITH THESE NAMES. SHE'S THE CRAZY PERSON IN THE FAMILY. >> HIS BULGE IS SHOWING, MR. HARVEY. HIS BULGE, HIS PACKAGE. IT'S ALL OUT THERE. Steve: JUST GO RIGHT ON INTO IT. JUST DO IT. >> MANHOOD. RIGHT THERE. STRONG. Steve: DON'T EVEN MESS AROUND WITH IT WITH YOUR LITTLE CRAZY SELF. >> NO. Steve: I NORMALLY COME IN AND REREAD THE QUESTION. JUST "HIS BULGE." IT'S JUST THAT "ALL THIS PACK," ALL THIS HERE, JUST POTATOES. OH, JUST A BUSHEL. ALL THAT. >> YES, ALL OF IT. Steve: THE PACKAGE! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU READY TO TRY TO SAVE IT? >> YES, SIR. Steve: 'CAUSE THE ROSE FAMILY CAN STEAL. >> THE ZIPPER IS BARELY HOLDING ON. THE ZIPPER--BARELY HOLDING. BARELY. YEAH. I'M STILL STUCK ON THE BULGE. Steve: WHY ARE YOUR ANSWERS ALL DOWN THERE? WHY ARE ALL YOUR ANSWERS IS ALL DOWN THERE? ALL HER--ON THE OTHER SHOW, ALL HER ANSWERS WERE DOWN HERE. "OOH, THAT ZIPPER JUST... OOH! GIRL, I CAN'T BELIEVE..." YOUR ZIPPER! [BUZZER] GIVE ME DANIELLE. GIVE ME VERDANE. [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] ROLLING. THAT WAS SMOOTH. I LIKE THE WAY--DO THAT AGAIN. GO BACK AND COME BACK OVER HERE THE WAY YOU-- Y'ALL DIDN'T SEE THAT. THAT WAS HOT RIGHT THERE. COME ON IN, DANIELLE. DO IT. HEY, ROCK-AND-ROLLING. YEAH. I LIKE THAT. NOW, YOU GO BACK AND SHOW US HOW YOU WALKED INTO IT. WORK IT NOW. WORK IT. WORK IT! >> YEAH! Steve: THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING. SKATE IN OR JUST BRING IT IN, EITHER WAY. CHARMAINE... >> YES? Steve: HI. HOW ARE YOU? >> HOW ARE YOU? Steve: YOU'RE KARAMO'S MOM. >> YES. I AM. Steve: WOW, VERY JAZZY-LOOKING MOM. >> THANK YOU. Steve: I SEE YOU, GIRL. >> THANK YOU. Steve: OK. WELL, THAT'S GOOD. WELL, NAME SOMETHING A WIFE MIGHT PUT IN HER HUSBAND'S FOOD IF SHE'S MAD AT HIM. >> RAT POISON. Steve: WHAT? >> RAT POISON. >> COME ON. COME ON. >> I LIKE IT. GOOD JOB, MOM. >> HA HA HA! >> DON'T MAKE HER MAD. >> GOOD ANSWER, MOM. >> THAT'S WHY I'M THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY NOW. Steve: NO. NO. NO. THAT'S WHY YOUR MAMA IS SINGLE. GONNA TELL ME, "THAT'S WHY I'M THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY." NO. THAT AIN'T THE REASON, PARTNER. HA HA HA! NAME SOMETHING A DOG DOES THAT YOU HOPE YOUR DATE DOESN'T DO. ERIC? >> PEE ON YOU. Steve: PEE ON YOU. JESSICA? >> BITE YOU. Steve: BITE YOU. YOU GONNA PASS OR PLAY? >> PLAY! >> PLAY. WE GONNA PLAY, STEVE. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. SEE, THAT BITE... Steve: SEE, THAT ANSWER, THAT BITE YOU, SEE THAT... IT JUST CAN'T BE HARD, THAT'S ALL, I GUESS. JUST USE YOUR FRONT TEETH. NOW, IF YOU GET ALL BACK ON THE JAW TEETH, WE GOT A PROBLEM. ONCE YOU GET IT BACK--AGH!--THAT'S A DIFFERENT SUBJECT. BUT IF IT'S JUST...HA! WHOO! HA! Steve: JEANIE? >> YES, SIR. Steve: HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GREAT, STEVE. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, DARLING? >> I AM A PASTOR ALONG WITH MY HUSBAND. Steve: A PASTOR? >> YES. >> WHOO! Steve: AHEM. THAT ALWAYS TIGHTENS THE HOST UP A LITTLE BIT. >> IT'S OK, STEVE. RELAX. [LAUGHTER] IT'S OK. Steve: JEANIE, NAME SOMETHING A DOG DOES THAT YOU HOPE YOUR DATE DOESN'T DO. >> BITES ME. Steve: I JUST DID A WHOLE ONE. I JUST DID A SERIES OF JOKES ABOUT HOW BITING REALLY AIN'T THAT BAD. REMEMBER WHEN I WAS OVER THERE DOING THIS, ALL THIS HERE? I KNOW YOU THE PASTOR AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS HERE, BUT BITING GOOD FOR YOU. NOW, LISTEN TO ME. IT'S CALLED NIBBLING. >> I KNOW. Steve: NOW, LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN, PASTOR. NAME SOMETHING A DOG DOES THAT YOU HOPE YOUR DATE DOESN'T DO. >> BITE ME. >> NO. [LAUGHTER] >> HELLO, GIRL. [CHEERING] Steve: EH... [LAUGHTER] Steve: DID I READ IT WRONG? DID I SAY IT IN SWAHILI? WHAT... "BITE ME" HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID, NOW FOR THE THIRD TIME. YOU DONE SAID IT TWICE. Steve: SEE, I'M TELLING YOU, BOY, THIS BEING A CHRISTIAN HARD. I'M TELLING YOU THAT NOW-- WHOO-HOO!--'CAUSE I WANT TO TELL THIS PASTOR SOMETHING RIGHT HERE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: NAME SOMETHING THAT A DOG DOES THAT YOU HOPE YOUR DATE DOESN'T DO. >> BARK. Steve: BARK. THANK YOU. BARK! [CHEERING] Steve: PRAYER CHANGES THINGS. [LAUGHTER] Steve: MAN! IF YOU AND MINDI COME UP WITH 200 POINTS, TELL EVERYBODY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA WIN. >> $20,000! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: SHE UP AND HIT IT. LITTLE--LITTLE HOUSEWIFE BE ON IT, BOY. HMM-HMM. WIN THAT 20,000. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT, YOU READY? OK, SANDY, WATCH OUT. HA HA! I'M WILD. HA HA! HA HA! HOW YOU DOING, DARLING? >> GOOD. NICE TO MEET YOU. Steve: GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> I'M A STAY-AT-HOME MOM. I'M THE PROUD WIFE OF THIS KINGDOM SEXY MAN RIGHT HERE. WE HAVE 4 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. I'M A CHRISTIAN AUTHOR, A FULL-TIME STUDENT, AND I JUST LOVE SERVING GOD'S PEOPLE. HALLELUJAH! Steve: THIS AIN'T GONNA JUST BE A GAME. THIS IS GONNA BE A SERVICE. >> AMEN. COME ON, NOW. Steve: HEY, YVONNE. HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M FINE. Steve: ARE YOU MARRIED? >> YES. Steve: WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND? >> WELL, HE ACTUALLY HAS A REUNION. Steve: WHAT IS IT, A HIGH-SCHOOL REUNION OR SOMETHING? >> NO, ACTUALLY IT'S A TOWN REUNION. Steve: WAIT. IT'S A TOWN REUNION? >> A TOWN REUNION. Steve: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHERE THE TOWN GETS BACK TOGETHER? >> THE WHOLE TOWN. Steve: THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD YOU? I'VE GOT TO USE THAT ONE. NAME THE WORST PLACE TO FIND A TOENAIL CLIPPING. >> IN YOUR MOUTH. Steve: IN YOUR MOUTH. IN YOUR MOUTH! [CHEERING] HEY, YVONNE. NAME SOMETHING A WIFE MIGHT BUY TO PUT ON A STRIP SHOW FOR HER HUSBAND AT HOME. >> I WOULD SAY GOOD-SMELLING PERFUME. Steve: GOOD-SMELLING PERFUME. Audience: AW! Steve: IT'S ALL RIGHT. NOTHING HAPPENING AT YOUR HOUSE. I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU, YVONNE. I'M SORRY. SHE GAVE ME SUCH GOOD MATERIAL, THOUGH. I NEVER HEARD OF A DAMN TOWN REUNION! >> IT'S TRUE, STEVE. IT'S TRUE. Steve: IT'S NOT TRUE. STOP IT. THIS MAN IS SOMEWHERE AT A STRIP CLUB RIGHT NOW! THOMAS SR., YOU KNOW BETTER! >> EXACTLY. Steve: THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A TOWN REUNION. TELL HER THAT. >> I TRIED TO TELL HER. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN. Steve: YOU TRIED TO TELL HER. HEY, LATONYA, NAME SOMETHING A WIFE MIGHT BUY TO PUT ON A STRIP SHOW FOR HER HUSBAND AT HOME. >> SOME WHIPPED CREAM. Steve: HA HA HA! YEAH! YEAH! UH-HUH. YEAH. YEAH. MUST HAVE FOUND A COUPLE OF CANS IN YOUR CAR AFTER THE REUNION. WHIPPED CREAM! MISS PHYLLIS, HOW YOU DOING TODAY? >> I'M DOING GOOD. Steve: I TAKE IT THAT YOU PROBABLY SOMEWHERE JUST RELAXING AND WATCHING OVER ALL THESE CRAZY KIDS. >> YOU DO. [LAUGHTER] WELL, I'VE BEEN WRONG A LOT OF TIMES BEFORE, MISS PHYLLIS. >> I DO A LOT OF RELAXING, BUT NOT NECESSARILY THINKING OF THEM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU KNOW, MISS PHYLLIS-- >> BAD ANSWER? Steve: YOU AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THEM, DO YOU? >> I'M BUSY. THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: YOU PUT A LOT INTO THESE KIDS. >> THAT'S RIGHT. THEY TURNED OUT GOOD, DIDN'T THEY? Steve: YEAH, THEY DID. YOU GOT NICE-LOOKING KIDS. >> I KNOW. Steve: AND THEY'RE ALL WORKING. >> AND THEY'RE GOOD TO THEIR MAMA. Steve: AND THEY GOOD TO THEY MAMA. YOU BETTER BE, MR. RANDY. TROUBLE OUT YOUR MAMA DOWN HERE. [INDISTINCT] WHICH ONE--WHICH ONE FIGHTS ALL THE TIME-- RICK OR RANDY? WHO'S THE MOST TROUBLE? >> MARK. [LAUGHTER] Steve: IS THAT WHY HE AIN'T ON THE SHOW TODAY? [LAUGHTER] MISS PHYLLIS, HERE WE GO. WE GOT TWO STRIKES. NAME SOMETHING A MAN HAS THAT MAKES HIM THINK HE'S GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN. >> HOW ABOUT A GOOD PERSONALITY? Steve: HE'S GOT A GOOD PERSONALITY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NUMBER 7. Audience: FULL HEAD OF HAIR. [LAUGHTER] Steve: NUMBER 4. Audience: EGO. Steve: NUMBER TWO. Audience: BIG "CHIMICHANGA." [LAUGHTER] Steve: DON'T NEED NO HAIR. [LAUGHTER] NAME SOMETHING YOU BEND OVER TO DO. RICK. >> PICK SOMETHING UP. Steve: PICK SOMETHING UP. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YVONNE. >> PRAY. Steve: PRAY. [AUDIENCE GROANS] PASS OR PLAY? [ALL TALKING AT ONCE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: DEAR LORD, [INDISTINCT] MAYBE--I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH A LOT LATELY. I WAS JUST HOPING MAYBE, FATHER, GOD, THAT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. IT'S BEEN SO HARD ON ME LATELY. PEOPLE SEEM TO KEEP RIDING MY BACK. FATHER, IF YOU COULD JUST HELP-- [LAUGHTER] I'M SORRY, MISS PHYLLIS. I'M A LITTLE IG'NANT SOMETIMES. I TRY TO--I TRY-- >> THAT'S NICE. Steve: HUH? >> THAT'S NICE. Steve: THAT'S NICE? OH, YOU SCARED ME. I WAS GOING-- [LAUGHTER] BECAUSE YOU KNOW, PEOPLE [INDISTINCT] GRAB YOUR HAND-- YOU AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT. [LAUGHTER] SHE GRABBED MY HAND, I WENT, "OH, JESUS." I DIDN'T MEAN IT. I'M SORRY. OH...OH, GOD. OH. [COUGHS] OH, MISS PHYLLIS, YOU SCARED ME. OK. HERE WE GO, MA'AM. NAME SOMETHING YOU BEND OVER TO DO. >> HAVE SEX. [LAUGHTER AND HOOTING] >> YAY, ROBIN! Steve: WELL, MISS PHYLLIS GONNA SLAP TASTE OUT YO' MOUTH. WHAT YOU AIN'T GONNA DO IS COME ON THIS SHOW ON NATIONAL TV AND TALK NASTY IN FRONT OF YOUR MAMA. YOU AIN'T BENDING ALL OVER DOING THE NASTY THING WITH MISS PHYLLIS DOWN THERE LOOKING AT MY HAND, SCARING ME TO DEATH. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? YOU NEED TO BEND OVER, PRAY LIKE THE RANKINS FAMILY, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. LET'S LOOK UP THERE AND BEND OVER HAVING THAT SEX. YES! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: NAME SOMETHING YOU DO IN THE NUDE ON A HOT DAY. >> HAVE SEX. >> WHOA! >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: YOU KNOW, MOM'S DOWN THERE WATCHING ALL THIS. >> SHE TAUGHT US. Steve: SHE DIDN'T TEACH YOU ANY OF THAT. LET ME ASK HER. >> OK. Steve: HAVE YOU EVER SPANKED YOUR KIDS? >> OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. Steve: OH, YEAH. >> THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SO GOOD. Steve: HA HA. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SO GOOD. >> EXCEPT FOR POTTY MOUTH. Steve: EXCEPT FOR POTTY MOUTH. LITTLE NASTY RIGHT THERE. WHICH ONE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 'CAUSE THE LAST SHOW IT WAS HER. THEY'RE HAVING A CONTEST ON YOU, MAMA. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BUST 'EM UP GOOD. FILM IT FOR ME, OK? HAVE SEX! [CHEERING] MARIE, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING FINE. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> I'M A BOOKKEEPER, AND I TAKE CARE OF THIS FAMILY. Steve: YEAH. YOU'RE THE HEAD OF IT. >> I'M THE HEAD. Steve: THE QUEEN. >> I'M THE QUEEN. Steve: BILL'S THE KING, RIGHT? >> NO, NO, NO. I'M THE QUEEN. Steve: NO, HE'S THE KING. >> WELL, IF YOU WANT TO CALL. HE'S MY MAN, THOUGH. Steve: OH, HE'S YOUR MAN? OK. YOU CAN CALL HIM THAT IF YOU WANT TO, BUT HE AIN'T RUNNING NOTHING AT HIS HOUSE. NAME SOMETHING AN AUDIENCE MIGHT DO IF THEY DON'T LIKE A PERFORMANCE. MARIE. >> BOO! Steve: BOO! >> BOO! WE'RE PLAYING. Steve: YOU BETTER KNOW IT. >> I AIN'T EVEN ASKING. Steve: THAT'S RIGHT. SHE SAID, "WE'RE PLAYING. I AIN'T EVEN ASKING." STUPID FAMILY, DO WHAT I TELL 'EM TO DO. SITTING OVER HERE ASKING...BOY, SHE'S THE-- "WE'RE PLAYING AND I'M NOT EVEN ASKING." [LAUGHTER] MISS PHYLLIS, HOW YOU DOING, DEAR? >> I'M DOING GOOD. YOU DOING OK? Steve: YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOOD. I'M A LITTLE ASHAMED RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, AND, YOU KNOW... I WAS RAISED RIGHT. >> UH-HUH. Steve: SO I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS QUESTION I'M GONNA ASK YOU, MISS PHYLLIS, I DON'T APPROVE OF THIS QUESTION AT ALL. >> OK. YOU WANT TO THROW IT OUT? Steve: NO, I CAN'T THROW IT OUT. IT'S THEM LITTLE DIRTY PRODUCERS WE HAVE. SO I'M GONNA ASK YOU THIS RIGHT HERE AS RESPECTFUL, IF I CAN. IF YOUR LITTLE THING, YOUR SEX LIFE HAD A REMOTE CONTROL, NAME A BUTTON YOU'D HIT A LOT. >> CHANGE THE CHANNELS. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] >> THAT'S GOOD! YEAH! >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: "GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE. I DON'T LIKE THAT. COME ON NOW." [AUDIENCE GROANS] HOW ARE YOU, SIR? >> FINE. HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, MAN? >> I'M A PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER. I JUST CAME OUT-- Steve: PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER? >> YES, SIR. Steve: WHERE? >> I PLAYED IN LIBYA, AND I I JUST CAME OUT OF THAT WAR. Steve: LIBYA? AND YOU JUST CAME OUT OF THE WAR? YOU WAS PRETTY GLAD TO COME HOME, WASN'T YOU? >> I WAS ECSTATIC. Steve: YEAH, AIN'T NO NEED TO BEING OVER THERE. SKIP THAT. YOU POINT GUARD? >> POINT GUARD. Steve: YEAH. COME UP NICE, HUH? >> I DO ALL RIGHT. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THAT'S WHAT I DID. USED TO BE MY GAME. NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE CHECK TO SEE IF IT SMELLS BAD. >> WE'RE GONNA GO WITH HAIR. >> HAIR! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! Steve: I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAIR I'M GONNA SMELL. [LAUGHTER] WHOO-OOH! OOH, THIS MUSTACHE IS... Steve: DARLING, NAME SOMETHING THAT YOU CARRY IN YOUR POCKETS THAT A MAN SHOULDN'T CARRY IN HIS SPEEDO. >> OOH. HA HA HA! Steve: THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD. >> NO. I WON'T SAY THAT. Steve: WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, MISS PHYLLIS? >> LET'S SEE. I THINK THAT IT'S PROBABLY--I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT. >> YOU WANT TO SAY IT. I SURE WISH YOU WOULD. >> I HAVE MY CHILDREN HERE. Steve: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU GOT YOUR CHILDREN HERE. >> I GOT MY CHILDREN HERE. Steve: WELL, COME ON, MISS PHYLLIS. WHAT IS IT? THIS IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING--SAY IT. GO AHEAD. I BET IT'S UP THERE. SAY IT. >> OH, I GOT TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING. UM, TOOTHPICK. [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: OH, GOD, I LOVE MY JOB. A TOOTHPICK. HEY, STEPH. HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: THIS WONDERFUL MOTHER OF TWO SKYDIVES. >> WHOO! Steve: ARE YOU AFRAID WHEN YOU DO IT? >> YES. Steve: I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD FUN AND FEAR IN THE SAME SENTENCE. THAT'S WHY I DON'T DO ROLLER COASTERS. I DON'T GET IT. YOU CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK- "AAAH! AAAH! SSSS! AAAH! SSSS! AAAH! OH, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN." [LAUGHTER] ALL RIGHT, STEPH, HERE WE GO. IF SOMEONE'S IN THE BATHROOM LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES, NAME SOMETHING THEY MIGHT BE DOING. >> CLEANING IT. Steve: CLEANING IT. [AUDIENCE GROANS] HEY, MEGAN. >> HI! Steve: YOUNG MEGAN JUST GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL, STARTED YOUR OWN CHARITY. ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF? >> I'M GONNA BE A THIRD-GRADE RELIGIOUS EDUCATION TEACHER IN THE FALL. Steve: SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER. NOW, I KNOW BECAUSE MY MOM WAS A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER. >> IT'S NOT TAUGHT ON SUNDAYS, IT'S TAUGHT MONDAYS. Steve: WELL, WHAT YOU DO IS ON MONDAYS YOU JUST TEACH THEM WHAT SINS YOU COMMIT AFTER SUNDAY. >> EXACTLY. Steve: THAT'S ALL IT IS. PIECE OF CAKE. >> I'M ABOUT TO SAY ONE RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY. Steve: YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY ONE WHAT? >> A SIN THAT YOU COULD COMMIT BETWEEN SUNDAY AND MONDAY. Steve: WELL, WHAT SIN IS THAT? >> PLAYING WITH YOURSELF... [LAUGHTER] IN THE BATHROOM. Steve: OH, THAT'S THE ANSWER! OH. [LAUGHTER] OH, MY GOD. [CHUCKLING] JESUS... [COUGHS] THAT'S YOUR ANSWER? >> I REALLY COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE. Steve: OH, MY GOD! I WAS GOING-- WE'RE GOING TO HELL! I WAS ONLY KIDDING! >> YOU DIDN'T COME TO SUNDAY SCHOOL-- Steve: AW, SHUT UP! [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] "YOU COULD COME TO SUNDAY SCHOOL, WE'RE GONNA BE DISCUSSING IT ON MONDAY." WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU'RE TAKING THE JOKE TOO FAR! OK, GLENN, HERE WE GO. NAME SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE DESCRIBED AS HOT, HOT, HOT. Steve: THREE SECONDS. >> THREE SECONDS. OHH... KELLY CLARKSON. Steve: WHAT? >> KELLY CLARKSON. Steve: I LOVE YOU, GLENN. HA HA! YOU'RE THE BEST WORST PLAYER I'VE EVER SEEN. I LOVE THIS GUY. [APPLAUSE] Steve: KELLY CLARKSON! [CROWD CHEERING] >> YEAH, BABY! ALL RIGHT! WHOO-HOO! YEAH! I GOT ONE, I GOT ONE. Steve: MAN. >> YES, SIR! Steve: THE BEST WORST PLAYER I'VE EVER SEEN. NO STRIKES, GLENN. >> NO STRIKES. Steve: BUT WE'VE COME DOWN HERE WITH YOU SEVERAL TIMES WITH NO STRIKES. >> YES, SIR. Steve: SOMEHOW WE ALWAYS WALK AWAY WITH ONE. GLENN, NAME SOMETHING A PERSON MIGHT DO RIGHT AFTER EATING A BIG THANKSGIVING DINNER. >> HAVE LEFTOVERS. Steve: [IMITATES BUZZER] >> IT'S RIGHT THERE. Steve: RIGHT AFTER--RIGHT AFTER YOU GET THROUGH EATING GREAT BIG OLD THANKSGIVING DINNER, KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA EAT SOME LEFTOVERS. YEAH. I LOVE THIS GUY. I LOVE YOU, MAN. [STAMMERS] >> I DON'T DISAPPOINT, HUH? Steve: I TELL YOU WHAT. IF Y'ALL WIN THE CAR, IT AIN'T GONNA BE 'CAUSE OF YOU. I TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW. WHOO! THIS FAMILY, THEY WINNING FROM HERE DOWN. >> COME ON, GIVE ME HIGH 5? >> YEAH, OF COURSE, MY MAN. WELL, GREG, NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT BE HOLDING WHEN SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV. >> I LIKE TO HOLD MY WIFE ON THE COUCH. Steve: MY MAN. >> THAT'S IT. Steve: THAT'S A GREAT ANSWER. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S UP THERE, BUT THE BROWNIE POINTS THAT YOU'RE GONNA SCORE... >> YOU GOT IT. Steve: FOR THAT ANSWER ALONE... WHOO! YOU ARE THE MAN. >> YOU GOT IT. Steve: HOLDING YOUR WOMAN. WOW. THEY JUST WON A BRAND-NEW CAR. KEEP POSITIVE. YOU GOT A GREAT FATHER THERE. KEEP POSITIVE. THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT. NAME SOMETHING YOUR DOG WATCHES YOU DO AT HOME IN THE NUDE. PATRICIA? >> WHOOPEE! SORRY. Steve: HUH? WHOOPEE? >> I DON'T HAVE A DOG. Steve: YOUR DOG IS IN YOUR ROOM WITH YOU AND YOUR MAN JUST SITTING THERE, JUST--AND YOUR DOG'S GONNA NEED THERAPY. >> OH, BOY, HERE'S MY NATIONAL TV CONFESSION. DANCE. Steve: YEAH, NAKED. AT THE HOUSE THERE'S SOMEBODY, YEAH, NAKED. "ARF! ARF! ARF!" "YEAH, GET IT. GET IT. HA HA. YEAH." OK, HIT IT. >> ♪ BENNY FRANK'S HOT THERE'S ROOM AT THE TOP NEVER GONNA STOP DON'T LISTEN TO THE TOCK LACE 'EM UP, HOMEY LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT ♪ >> ♪ THERE'S ROOM AT THE TOP ROOM, ROOM AT THE TOP ♪ >> ♪ I'M GOIN' UP NORTH NEVER GOIN' SOUTH YOU GET IN MY WAY I'M A BUST YOU IN THE MOUTH TAKE IT TO THE TOP THAT'S WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT NEVER COULD SEE ME ON MY HOT ROUTE DON'T DO IT FOR THE FAME BUT FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME? THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CAME YOU BETTER PLAY SMART AND USE YOUR BRAIN EVERYBODY KNOWS BENNY FRANK'S THE NAME ♪ >> YEAH. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> ASK THEM, "IS THERE ROOM AT THE TOP?" Steve: THERE YOU GO. THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM AT THE TOP. ALL RIGHT, ABE, LET'S GO, MAN. WE TALKED TO 100 MEN: NAME SOMETHING YOU'D WIPE WITH IF YOU COULDN'T FIND ANY TOILET PAPER. >> IF THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE, I'D HAVE TO USE MY UNDERWEAR. Steve: JUST USE YOUR UNDERWEAR. Audience: OHH! Steve: SEE, A LOT OF WOMEN IN THE CROWD, YOU'RE GOING, "WHAT?" YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DEPTH OF A MAN'S MIND. WE TALKED TO 100 SINGLE WOMEN: NAME SOMETHING YOU'D HATE TO DISCOVER YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE. >> AN STD. >> GOOD ANSWER! >> GOOD ANSWER, YEAH! Steve: MAKES SENSE. STD. NAME SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO BE HYPNOTIZED TO STOP DOING. SEX. Steve: SEX. MS. PASTOR, THIS THE SECOND TIME Y'ALL HAVE SAID "SEX," NOW. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WHAT'S THE NAME OF Y'ALL'S CHURCH? >> DIVINE IMPACT. Steve: DIVINE IMPACT? OOH. ALL RIGHT, NOW. KEY WORD: "IMPACT." ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO! WE'RE LOOKING FOR SEX... AT THE DIVINE IMPACT CHURCH TO REDEEM THEM! ABE? >> HOW YOU DOING? Steve: GOOD, MAN. TELL ME SOMETHING A DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE MIGHT DO TO THEIR BOSS' CAR. >> PUT A POTATO IN THE TAILPIPE. Steve: PUT A POTATO IN THE TAILPIPE. ABE, YOU KNOW--ABE, YOU KNOW THAT CONSTITUTES MURDER, DON'T YOU, WHEN YOU PUT THE POTATO IN THE TAILPIPE AND THEN IT GOES UP IN THE--BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE PURPOSE OF PUTTING IN THE POTATO IN THE TAILPIPE IS TO PUSH THE-- >> BLOW UP THE CAR. Steve: YEAH. THAT'S--ALL RIGHT. LET'S JUST, UH--WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT "HONEY" FOR? YOU MARRIED THE MAN. ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. HE'S GONNA PUT THE POTATO IN THE CAR AND KILL A MAN. THERE YOU GO. WE ALL KNOW ABOUT WEINERGATE, BUT WHAT'S THE SEXIEST THING YOU'VE SENT SOMEONE A PHOTO OF? A PHOTOGRAPH IN A BATHING SUIT. Steve: CHUCK! CHUCK! CHUCK! YOU SENT YOUR--WHAT? CHUCK, THE KIDS ARE RIGHT THERE. >> THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH. THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH. Steve: THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW CHUCK SENT A PICTURE OF HIS SEXY SELF LAYING ACROSS THE BED WITH A BATHING SUIT ON. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU SENT A WOMAN A PICTURE OF YOURSELF IN A SWIMMING SUIT? >> YEAH. LIKE A SPEEDO. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YEAH. CHUCK. CHUCKY. CHUCKY CHUCK, BOY. YOU WERE DOIN' IT BACK IN THE DAY. >> YES. Steve: THAT SWIMMING SUIT RIGHT UP THERE [INDISTINCT] >> YEAH. Steve: WHAT YOU WANT? HA HA! I'VE GOT IT! CHECK IT OUT! >> THAT'S RIGHT. [INDISTINCT] Steve: [INDISTINCT] "STEVE, I'M RIGHT HERE. THIS IS MY FATHER. STOP." NO. THAT AIN'T JUST YOUR DADDY. [LAUGHTER] THAT'S BIG CHUCK. >> THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH. RIGHT. Steve: THAT'S DIFFERENT, BABY. EILEEN, YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT CHUCK, DID YOU? >> NO. Steve: WANT TO THROW UP A LITTLE BIT, DON'T YOU? NAME SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO LAST FOR 4 HOURS. >> SEX. IT'S TOO LONG. [APPLAUSE] ONE HOUR. I'M A GIRL. Steve: SEX! [CHEERING] Steve: HERE WE GO, MAN. NAME SOMETHING WOMEN LIKE TO SQUEEZE, PASTOR. >> THEIR BREASTS. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: NO, IT'S NOT A GOOD ANSWER. PASTOR, LISTEN TO THIS QUESTION. WHAT'S SOMETHING WOMEN LIKE TO SQUEEZE? NOT YOU! PASTOR! YOU JUST--YOU HAD A BREAST... THE PART--WHAT WAS THIS THOUGH? THEIR BREASTS. >> GOOD ANSWER, PASTOR. Steve: AND AS A PASTOR, WE--WE COME TOGETHER, AND WE JOIN IN FELLOWSHIP. WE TRY TO HOLD ONE ANOTHER...UP IN PRAYER. HOPING THAT SOMEWAY, SOMEHOW WE WILL ALL GET DELIVERED AND BOB RIGHT ON BACK TO THE PROMISED LAND. I'LL SAY, PASTOR... WHAT'S SOMETHING WOMEN LIKE TO SQUEEZE? PASTOR SAID THEIR BREASTS. Steve: HEY, JON, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD, STEVE. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: GOOD. WELL, JON, NAME SOMETHING THAT MAKES PEOPLE FRISKY. >> I'M GONNA SAY HOW ABOUT AN ADULT MOVIE. Steve: AN ADULT MOVIE. >> STEVE, COME ON. Steve: HEY, I'M JUST TELLING, IT'S YOUR ANSWER. YOU THE ONE SAID, "STEVE, COME ON, NOW." YOU SAID IT. >> HIS MOM'S IN THE AUDIENCE. Steve: HIS MOM'S IN THE AUDIENCE? STEVE COME ON AND SAY THAT. I DIDN'T KNOW HIS MAMA WAS HERE. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID-- THE HELL DID YOU SAY IT FOR? IF YOU KNOW YOUR MAMA'S SITTING OUT HERE. BEING NASTY. NOW, WHAT ELSE YOU GOT, MR. NASTY? >> I'M CLEAN. Steve: NAME SOMETHING ELSE THAT MAKES PEOPLE FRISKY. >> I'M GONNA CLEAN IT UP THIS TIME. I'M GONNA GO WITH OYSTERS. >> WOO! >> YEAH! Steve: YOU THINK WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY SAYING? I'M A CLEAN IT UP. CALL IT OYSTERS. YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THEM OYSTERS. LITTLE SLIPPERY WET THING GOING DOWN YOUR THROAT! >> ALL RIGHT! Steve: I KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. OYSTERS, THEN THE PORN. >> HEY. Steve: YOU THERE. KAREN. >> I THINK I HAVE TO DIRTY IT BACK UP A LITTLE BIT AGAIN. Steve: HE AIN'T FAR OFF. >> I KNOW, I KNOW. Steve: SEE, IF JON IS SAYING PORN OR SOME OYSTERS, I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S GOING... >> HOW ABOUT DIRTY TALK? >> OOH! >> YEAH! >> HOW ABOUT IF IT'S IN BETWEEN THE PORN AND THE OYSTERS? Steve: YOU LIKE THAT. JON--YOU HEAR WHAT JON SAID? THAT HAPPENS BETWEEN THE PORN AND THE OYSTERS. SO YOU'RE DOING-- DOING IT LIKE THAT THERE. TAKE THAT OYSTER, SLIDE IT DOWN THERE, THEN SAY SOMETHING NASTY, AND PRESS PLAY, AND ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE. [AUDIENCE GROANS] NAME SOMETHING THAT SEEMS TO COME UP WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. >> I'M GONNA SAY A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT. Steve: SEE, THE QUESTION IS NAME SOMETHING THAT SEEMS TO COME UP WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. IF YOU MADE THE APPOINTMENT... WYNTON. HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? MY YOUNGEST SON’S NAME
IS WYNTON. NO, IT’S NOT! YES HE IS. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING,
WYNTON? I STUDY AT NIAGARA UNIVERSITY, I PLAY DIVISION I BASEBALL THERE AND CURRENTLY TRYING TO GROW
OUT THE 'FRO, LIKE YOU USED TO, THAT'S HOW THE PLAYERS DO IT. TRYING TO GROW OUT THE 'FRO,
BABY! MOM, I'M GOING
TO THE MAJOR LEAGUES. I'M GOING, MAMA. I'M GOING, MOM. REALLY? NO YOU'RE NOT! I PROMISE. I PROMISE, MOM. I'M GOING. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, MOM. THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR... I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME. I COULDN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. HERE'S THE TWO-ONE. A TAP TOWARDS THIRD. AND BERNARD IS... OH! HE WAS CHECKED OUT. HE THOUGHT HE BEAT IT. YEAH, THEY'RE
GOING TO CHECK THAT ONE. EITHER WAY, HILLIARD'S AT THIRD. THE CROWD, FOR SEVERAL REASONS, IS ARGUING FOR BUDDY
VOCIFEROUSLY. AFTER REVIEW, THE CALL ON THE FIELD
IS OVERTURNED. THE RUNNER IS SAFE. AND THERE IS
THE FIRST MAJOR LEAGUE HIT FOR WYNTON BERNARD,
THE 31-YEAR-OLD ROOKIE. THAT'S ONE
OF THE HAPPIEST REVIEWS IN THE HISTORY OF COORS FIELD.
