Best of Reba [All Seasons]

how could this happen I don't know how do these things ever happen to people work together the x-ray room was dark I was talking to them we had the sex talk I drew pictures with blue and pink arrows we thought you could only get pregnant one day a month what yeah so you can have sex like 30 times in a month and only get pregnant once right the only reason you're alive is because you can play football you can get pregnant the first time you have sex most days of the month standing up sitting down in our hotel hot tub we don't have to worry about that why not because it was the first time for both of us Cheyenne that's what embarrasses you in this situation have you told your parents about what sorry coach shake it off big game Saturday when Daddy marries Barbra Jean what am I supposed to call her anyway you're not supposed to call her anything when you see her at the Walmart just point turn say there's the woman that stole my daddy you don't have to worry about me Mom I know all about birth control oh you do do you well at what ages are appropriate for a young lady to become sexually active 40 van get out of there why is it we're the only house in Texas without her gotten at what point was hiding under the bed the right thing I realize the ladder fell down it's not like we jump in a bed and do it every time we see each other I can vouch for that I was gonna do this in private but I don't care anymore oh no not me Cheyenne will you marry me oh my god yeah I know it's just an earring but I'm gonna get you a real ring someday my grandmother can't live forever I'm not far behind [Music] you're gonna be a grandma you're gonna marry a grandpa I know I can't wait I was afraid that the baby might change the way you feel about me now I feel the same way about you as always has oh I just feel like giving you a great big hug but it she is not getting married I have to agree with Brock here two wrongs don't make a right in the eyes of our Lord Barbra Jean at your church do you set with the rest of the congregation or is there a special pew for adulterers well actually I sit with the choir [Laughter] you are always in barbra jean-- is not going to drowned in a giant vat of Crisco or mama's got a dark side don't worry about the honeymoon mrs. H I packed lots of condoms honeymoons over schools tomorrow I got tonight take your pancake slap some ham on top roll it up and you got yourself a van which I had to listen to Cheyenne making a van which last night God built women to carry babies and men to carry footballs you are just precious hi anything I can help with there's a frisbee on the roof [Applause] Pookie's she my husband's pregnant hygena / girlfriend not as bad as it sounds what what you said about me I feel like family when I get my fridge beat my girls you're gonna hang that in here yeah the help me get worked up not like that for the game but something's missing see the head cheerleaders cheering me on goal van she really didn't say that but it's sort of like she did you're gonna wish you had a bubble over your head when your wife gets here what is this contraption this is the Exorcist this little puppy is great for your abs and butt sorry I didn't talk about your butt guess what I just saw [Applause] oh the baby Jake Jake put that down the uterus is not a toy let's everybody take a deep breath and visualize the beach you want to know what I'm visualizing oh I couldn't decide what to wear I've never been examined by a gynecologist before Montgomery wish me luck [Music] I had a banana split Snickers and a nice mocha [Music] I know what's really bothering you and I just want to assure you that Jake was out of the room with Brockville I was being looked at by the doctor Govan onions if you have any interest in kissing me tonight you will not eat those mmm onions I just love busting the yolk and watching of a gooey yellow stuff well Kara that was awful it's so easy don't you think if there's anyone you could get van fired up for a game it's me what are you smiling about [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah well thanks for breakfast I'll see you on school we're going to introduce you to the Bible the Westchester Wildcat pregame steak dinner Bibles you got to be kidding this is football Reba there's no kiddin do you have a wildcat tattoo on your fanny very tasteful well I don't need the Bible I got to memorized both of them and me the bucket let's just keep this between the two of us WWJD what would Jesus do get out of the house no point just sitting here watching yourself get fat man he just installed a padded toilet seat and you can't get me off that thing do you realize what just happened here that gas hitting on you that's funny it's not that funny you're not even divorced yet he's already moving in on you oh that is so wrong it says go bad what where have you been stop with the girls having fun Govan okay I never want to hear that again why you made it dirty go but he stopped I'm not being sexist all I'm saying is you're my wife now and your butt belongs to me excuse me well it's more mine than anyone elses except yours I don't appreciate your Neanderthal attitude and I don't appreciate you using words I don't know check it out there's a full moon tonight oh my god it's my butt or you can vote on your favorite pick your butt 2001 Miss America pageant but cut to the chase god this is horrible horrible what happened to it was so fun [Laughter] I do not sound like that actually you do please you have to help me and sleep on the couch and freedom okay I'll take care of it Pat is winning and Laura's a close second which leaves you a little behind no no this is impossible something must be wrong with the Internet yeah that's it you're losing I told everyone if they voted for your butt I'd kick theirs why would you do that to vote for your butt they have to look at your butt just because they didn't vote for my butt does not mean they didn't look at it I was just trying to have some fun that might be my last chance to moon until after I've had the baby my butt is not gonna look that great for much longer by your fifth month it won't even sit on my computer I'm going to the store now oh good what are you doing oh I just need the milk part no I could use some help around here I'd like for you to get everything on that list mom I really don't like your tone excuse me I'm gonna don't now and I would like to be treated like one you're right you're a married woman now soon to become a mother exactly so from now on you can be responsible for doing little things like grocery shopping and doing your own laundry all right that's just me I'm gonna learn to mow vanes going to learn how to mow [Applause] I never know what to say to Kira if you want to know the truth she kind of scares me she's a 12 year old girl with the 35 year old mouth she's always making fun of me I will never wear Bermuda shorts around her again that's for sure man is not afraid of us well of course he's not afraid of you he could snap you like a twig with mrs. H sometimes I say things to her and she says things back to me it's called talking you know what we do it so the way I see it mrs. H is a way better dad than you that's way better come on dad [Music] you want to fool around hmm you want to eat a pizza yes would you have married me if I weren't a big football stud yeah I'm pregnant I had to marry you feel better I did not have sex with that woman [Applause] yes it's a Cheyenne's mom can I help you yeah I don't know if it's the fluorescent lighting or because I've been alone in here so long but you look beautiful it's not that I need a fancy wedding I just want one in a church surrounded by family and friends our union blessed by God reception to follow at catfish John's instead I'm knocked up locked up and looking at 3 to live [Applause] [Music] RESP [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] come give a hug to mommy BJ oh you must be so so sad about grandpa I don't really remember him well you'll get to see him again one day how in heaven see when you die an angel comes down and whisks you up to heaven and when you get there you could have meet all the wonderful people who have ever died from Adam and Eve to bring Sinatra not to beat me up Reba are you okay why does that one keep asking me that because now you're truly truly alone Ariba I just want you to know that if you need us we are here for you flowers turtleneck uh-huh someone got some action last night there was no action oh yeah I've been there is that crying oh mrs. H did you hit her did you pull her hair Barbra Jean are you okay what your mom maybe J cry the wedding's off way to go mom what happened to my lasagna that was my dinner you're gonna be fine don't be scared just because a roomful of strangers and God are all watching [Music] I don't think anybody will notice I mean Victor I've a needle and thread switch to you [Music] if the ex-wife talked about not being able to let go what are you doing here the stars at night or big and bright the heart [Music] no moment in the birth process is as miraculous as when the baby's head first appears [Applause] that was childbirth class it rocked you wouldn't believe what a female body can do remind me it's been a while first there's this thing called a cervix it's right to see where he is it unfortunately I don't have one but if I did it would start out this size and by the time the baby's ready to come out this big hello mommy Oh mommy's mad don't like her come in there and get you Hey look at van he's the mom which is great as you transition to your breaths you're going to feel the contractions quicken and the pain intensifies easy van pace yourself visualize your cervix stretching stretching and stretching as you push the baby through your birth canal [Laughter] [Applause] man being the girls hard oh these are nice hey jakey did you know they keep dead people in the basement um I think my water broke [Applause] Oh No you're sucking on my purse now I'm gonna see how they get that baby yeah Reba's driving like a maniac Brock he loves you too oh yes he does my little puddin pie skunk I had an epidural I think that's what Jesus would have wanted oh I'm having a contraction who knew I understand your feeling no pain and kindly get my kid away from your birth canal is this really a helmet a large portion of the student body is alienated through here illegally I was allowed to go to my prom daddy thought dancing was the devil's handiwork how do you feel about sleeping with married men I never seen any interest in it it's not funny oh come on it's a little funny the whole school is funny what's not funny well I wore two different shoes to school today because I can't see my feet [Laughter] okay that's not funny this buddy is watching her get out of a chair van I need you to have sex with me right now try'n I am NOT a faucet you can't just turn me on and off I just read in the pregnancy book that having sex is the best way to induce labor okay that's not a turn-on sake todo el contenido ban that Spanish I know this is gonna take forever [Music] step aside son [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] okay that's the only fun when you're expecting it I said you could call [Applause] I don't know what to do he's been crying ever since Ross left I tried everything but he just bought shut up I'm sorry sweetie mommy I'm sure the two of us can handle a three week old baby there god it's only been three weeks Reba I think to him I'll rock in my bouncing on money but he never sleeps have you tried the dryer Reba that's awful Barbra Jean you place the carrier on top of the dryer nothing works Reba nothing works well maybe if you'd stop crying maybe I should go sit on the dryer now Jake what your boobs are enormous it's a mobile with Jesus in the center and the 12 apostles spinning around them but I've sort of thought since you saw mine I'd get to see yours here we are old Cheyenne and vans graduation day this is the cake for shine and vans graduation day this is me gagging on shinin vans graduation day look at me I'm Judge Judy wait wait for this day and then in the flash it's here a little girls grown up Cheyenne you okay it's my fault I hit her you what it was an accident and I started it I love it here I love you too shy man I wish that I got that on tape here we are at graduation on graduation day waiting for shining man to graduate kill me Cheyenne Montgomery [Applause] I want my diploma now on stage like everyone else you can barely move didn't you are gonna have to carry me by myself what is he doing well he's not lifting with his legs I can tell you that congratulations graduates I advance graduation [Music] [Music] mommy I'm a daddy you to catch on fast what's it I look too young to be a grandma you precious midnight moonlight shining through the curtain lays paints a perfect picture on your perfect fence one sweet angel sleep [Music] you knew God would keep you are the guilt that makes my parole country [Music] and you how much I [Music] I keep all day my whole life [Music] even me [Music] so dream one while I sing you my angel [Music] bah [Music] morning sexy what in the heck do you think you're doing well right now I'm wondering why we chose this color grout you can't come in here just attack me like that close the curtain I still see the view what's gotten into you you used to love it when I kissed you yeah when we were married we are married what you want me to forget you go to the mall there's a sale on shoes I'm going cuz I'm in love whoa who's gonna be watching Elizabeth I'm not sure who's Elizabeth your baby mom the last thing I'd have is a baby I'm 17 I've got my whole life ahead of me honey mom are you all right no you say you don't have a baby you're talking responsible and you're acting like a loving husband what's wrong with you people what's that smell [Music] Jake honey pull back to your own room is that gum [Music] [Music] everybody it'll be ok this is more like it I just don't think it's fair that you always want me to change the baby well I feel like I'm taking care of what goes into the baby so logic so logically you would clean up what you started are you coming well of course I wasn't there to hand her to you the whole system would break down I ever tell you when I was a kid we went to a dairy farm I need you to apologize to Barbra Jean apologize let's see what are you doing checking for flag pigs what kind of a [ __ ] ate make toast [Music] okay that was a close one you know people in wheelchairs can do anything they set their minds to where you going I'm gonna go mow the lawn man I know you injured but we're running out of food oh yeah and then we turn into cannibals and of course we eat the smallest one first that's how we lost your brother Darren [Laughter] like what are you doing food don't listen to her she's unpleasant we got on food stamps today [Laughter] what the thing you don't know about me and Cheyenne is we're go-getters I think felt sorry for us did you tell him you live in a really nice house in a really nice neighborhood for free yep they don't care they say that we deserve it and they don't make mistakes at the government you should have seen them when they found out we had a baby maybe we should have another one Oh change baby that's a we should name her to change let's go upstairs and do a little financial planning cha-ching you know how embarrassing it is to be taken off food stamps thinking about having another one cha-ching she won't even let me rent out my handicap parking pass for extra dough knock knock who's there opportunity that's who Oh your life you've looked down on those who need help and now that you're one of them you can't admit it I'm not one of them I am getting a job oh you have a job line to have no not not exactly but I won't Warren I see you're the one who wants a job cut it out I'm going to work I'm the type of person who works for her money not like all these other lazy good-for-nothings who just want to lay around and cash a check they're twisting my words what I mean is I still have options they don't write because they're big losers who have failed that's not what I'm saying then what are you saying we're at the top those hope the kind of the kind of scum who take handouts hi everybody she just called y'all stole what we're doing nothing for sick children which is apparently all I'm qualified to do are you sick with the drink perhaps we shouldn't judge Reba especially when she's sitting here in her bathrobe in the late afternoon drinkin whatever's in that Cup I had a friend in exactly your position middle-aged no skills used to enjoy a little nip town again Barbra Jean no prob she needs to hear this and do you know what happened to her Reba neither do i because she was always so drunk and depressant I stopped talking to her I refused to talk to her why are you telling me a story about the luckiest woman in the world Parkins terrible at the zoo it's like last time well I parked in giraffe had a few beers and I wandered around gorilla that's exactly the same kind of attitude that makes the kids thinks it's okay to be old food stamps hey that's my spot did you see my banker own you know what that means that means that's my spot you can't believe you use my parking pass illegally and got caught knock knock who's there the cops that's who Oh [Laughter] Teletubbies is on the game one makes me laugh oh well moving on to filing now I have a very special system mr. Richard bulwark but but bulwark where do you think we found this one Reba right after buh buh bite me well technically yes around here we say welcome to the dental offices of dr. Brock Hart welcome to the dental office dr. Brock art more welcome ease two syllables in part sing it with me dr. Brock [Music] I'm not answering the phone that way I'm ordering you to pick it up ordering okay [Applause] there it's picked up go yes another record for the doctor of diaper van Montgomery what are you doing getting ready for game time that right there was 15 seconds you had a five-second squirm factor for the real baby and I'm 20 seconds Pope too pale [Applause] it's you hello to you too sunshine Oh dinner was great yeah I suppose it was good at dinner time an hour ago we eat dinner and some family in this house and if you're gonna be late yeah there's a new invention it's called a telephone they're kids tell him to shut up that's right I have that power look I made a doggy you let me just sit in my crib and cry is your heart made of stone who are you did did you think it was funny did it make you feel powerful you mean like when you said that Barbra Jean is where brain cells go when they die guess what the clown's here yeah we know but who's the guy with rainbow wig [Applause] absolutely the last one they didn't let you into Clown College because you're too big to fit into the car and I sang way better than you there's my Reba rubber room and if you call me then again I'm gonna slap the bond right officer knock it off I can't afford a new cats and you're making me want to burn that one [Applause] is this this this is Greg Greg this is van my son-in-law so imma be right outside but I could certainly find my way back inside [Applause] I'll call you if I need something yeah you do that Craig it's Greg really what oh I got a name to Buttkicker I'm a survivor my double stufs did you finish the entire bag come on you bedtime well deal with it cookie pig well finally you kids have any idea what time it is van shut the door I meant with you inside I just don't think it's appropriate for you to be on the porch making out like a couple of French people we have neighbors you want to live with them two minutes Wow hey Casanova keep your shirt on [Applause] man hey he's the one being rude I don't know about this Brian why he seems nice he has dead eyes what if he's some ice cream psycho what if it isn't gummy worms in the ice cream what if it's real worms only spent a billionth of a second with them but I already like him more than I like van [Laughter] your mom says he's a film maker you know what that means don't you bounce the ball so Brian have a seat not daddy's chair [Laughter] good drink yeah you look like a drinker for our pills your game no actually I'm fine thank you well you are just a sweet talker aren't you ladies love that me I'm a different kind of animal you won't work you're gigolo magic on me this is hilarious the van me takes the stuff out to the van we're driving in right so it's van to the van then van in the van and then both bands are gone [Laughter] it's too big mrs. H I'm just gonna get a smaller on Oh I gotta remember that my aunt comes she is a big Wow thank you very much man Thanks doesn't pay the bills mrs. H neither do you you don't mean my sister would do when we would decorate the tree what tinsel fight make it hard for me bob and weave [Laughter] you can't expect people to perform in front of everybody you got to do improv it that way people can organize and theorize without the pressure of all your eyes she's been listening to a lot of rap music lately how's my hair how's my fine no wait [Laughter] I guess I'm not one of the best women in the world you know I'm just I'm glad I know where I stand with you down to the gutter with the common folk there's so much that I want to say I mean Wow where do I start it's so much to say like a lot apparently not shut up in oh you have a great family and a great dad he is so wonderful and I'm sure by the time you see this he's gonna be a great man [Applause] [Laughter] I'll be a great man what I'm not now man don't overreact Cheyenne loves you yeah apparently she has high hopes for her big loser oh and I apologize in advance if I'm always in your face and I'm a little controlling it's how I was raised [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] it's how I was raised and what does that mean I'm controlling oh yeah it has been mentioned don't overreact mrs. H Cheyenne loves you every night when I lay down I hear you breathing and it makes me know that everything is right in the world well not everything like that pump at the gas station I'm gonna put a quarter in and it didn't give me an air hello should be free its air I have one thing to say to you the Gameboy is not waterproof [Laughter] gosh last time I was videotaping the bedroom I didn't know about it the only way I can express my feelings is through song it's a little ditty called wind beneath my wings [Music] [Applause] you are a pearl in the necklace of life that was mine well that sounded better coming for a minute what are you you take from van he's the guy with the least to spare well maybe someday we often future I'll be a better person cuz right now I'm scum mrs. H I don't want to go in the car it smells terrible mom a mouse crawled into the exhaust system and died let's give it a try just a little bitty Mouse little bitty Mouse the big old stink oh wait I think I found something yeah okay the dipstick grab the dipstick Cheyenne's the prom queen I'm the brain and Jake's the spare I thought I was the spare man can't believe you're stealing cookies away from Elizabeth you should be very proud look how sad she is are you getting your period I love to see the expressions on strangers faces when you speak what the hell was that the poverty detector it goes off if you make less than everyone else in the store we're here to get an engagement ring cuz we're in love it's not for her it's for my wife she's 18 so you're getting your wife an engagement ring won't she be surprised let me show you what we had any idea what you cut the young lady would prefer well you know women the one that doesn't make her look fat right upper deck ring dude if both size and price are an issue perhaps cubic zirconium would be nice yeah baby that is what I am talking about my man you could have been a little quicker with these Cuban plutonium's right van it's fake yeah but it's big and fake of course I'd also rather have a husband who didn't tie shoes by chasing the bunny through the hole [Applause] [Laughter] don't mind her dad something crawled up her tailpipe and died that's your mother you're talking to young lady Here I am scraping and scrounging to get enough money to fix that stupid car and you have the nerve to go out buy diamond ring yes and look at it never mind I want you to see the ring that man got [Applause] [Music] it's Belize that means small doesn't it I just memorize a lot of words I don't know the meaning since it seems we're all showing off rings take a gander at what Brock gave me apparently it's an antique I think some old lady died basement ring give it to me my finger won't come off you'd be surprised who doesn't love babies I want to have three just like you did Reba and I hope all of them are 15 pounders I want you feeling your best when I do this oh you swore to me you were using protection we are we are yes van I'm on the pill oh that's good maybe one time I forgot no no no see you don't forget when there's a eight month old baby in the credd next to you to remind you mrs. H that's a little bit too much responsibility for a baby we're not children yeah you don't get to be parents by being irresponsible we could have a baby if we want we don't need your permission as long as you're under my roof you can't have a sticker gun without my permission you too will not have another baby in my house I can't believe she yells at us we didn't even do anything wrong that time your mom cannot tell us what to do we can have gum or babies whenever we want I'm a gal with over 400 beanie babies and only one real baby it's just I'm tired Wow take a nap ain't you think up in your room oh it's not our room that's your room your walls your carpet your broken window you broke your window oh not our window you're running away from home just like you did when you were five years old well I'm not five anymore mom and neither is van yeah and neither is Elizabeth I'm gonna be the one to make all the choices for you and that's your final word on the matter that's my final word as long as you're living in this house I make the decisions oh that was your final word why did you add to it [Music] [Laughter] barbra jean-- have you just been standing out here well okay I had a vasectomy what after you got pregnant I panicked I'm sorry I know I should have told you earlier yeah yeah you should have and before you got snipped because it would have saved you a lot of pain well it didn't really hurt all that much oh it will when you get it reversed [Laughter] the kind I got was a perma ectomy you got a choice we can do it at the doctor's office with anesthesia or late at night while you're asleep my ears are ringing from walking down the hallway it's a little loud for a baby don't you think yeah but I love this song you have it a little out for baby okay you will find a 30-page essay on your bed called teenagers having babies is stupid stupid stupid well how about I write a 30-page essay called I'm not gonna write a 30-page hey we should put our handprints in that before it sets this is a high-protein breakfast food that's supposed to feed my body and my mind it's just an expression don't make fun of me oh my guess you started without me oh sorry what's my diet food what's that supposed to mean nothin but you know since I'm get in shape for football I think it would be cool if we did it together are you measuring my waist what no why would you say that I barely got my arms around you what I meant I barely got my arms around you before you pushed me away well I'm sorry if I had a baby and I'm wrecked forever but you you are not exactly mr. perfect either okay so why don't you take care of yourself you big tub of goo what's that all about bang called Cheyenne fat I did not all I did was ask her if she wanted to go on the diet with me and not even mean just her I think the whole family should try it what's that supposed to mean we need more boys in this house I hate it here me too who should we call about that you can't say something nice don't say anything at all whoa what does it matter Henry's the only one I see all day he doesn't care if I look like sasquatch I know you feel bad about yourself sometimes what nothing let's just hug why would I feel bad about myself Ann you shouldn't and that's exactly what I told everyone earlier everybody thinks that I should feel bad about myself they think you should like take the day off and do some spa makeover the thing with Barbra Jean and I said no way just like that no way sir you're punishing me because I'm fat what no I would never do that not that you are oh really so even though I take care of your baby and go to school and how about taking care of the house you think that I don't need date Spa I think that you need to tell me what I need to say to get out of this man I started to other things I'm mad at you for hey Shyam hey we're back Reba born cool it's like mom it's super-sized mom [Applause] [Music] the only time I've seen that hairstyle it's been yelling at me I just wanted to try something different it's my hair the only thing different is you're underneath it hey you know what I I don't think it's really all that similar are you kidding he's like looking in a carnival mirror Reba just calm down gonna calm down hey you think now that I'm a redhead I'm gonna get all fiery in hot temper too [Applause] kool-aid [Laughter] how's it going good so you're just gonna sit there and pretend you don't notice anything different that was my plan look at this chart is your height you should be 105 I read the wrong box you should be 205 205 you're skinny you're sick here hey donut why are you doing this to me van why am I doing this to you what am I doing this to you you really like the way I look after I work out oh yeah you should do it more often you make my heart go pitter-pat in those jeans you don't look fat and the reason for my love is that I can't imagine life without you which Jesus no no no no no you can't throw in lines that don't rhyme and call it a poem eat my dust old man that was the worst dinner ever Lobster for everyone thank you so much dr. big shot you know what I'm not gonna let him get off that easy I'm gonna write the most romantic poem in the world and tomorrow I'm gonna find your dad read it to him what about me don't get in the middle of the shine you just crossed the line [Laughter] Oh Oh my back I'm going to sue you Brock for everything you have how much do you think I weigh 60 pounds do you know what it means to be a hostile witness bite me why do you think we got divorced I'm sure if you keep talking the court will understand she realize if she didn't lie you're guilty well go easy on her where's the man that won me the stuffed Pink Panther the man who bought me two chili dogs and cotton candy the man who held my hair back after the tilt-a-whirl Canopus Romeo and Juliet shame didn't we actually did a name Elizabeth after you then wanted to name her Elizabeth so she'd be Elizabeth Montgomery you know after that cool lady on view it frees the man upstairs spin the ball and breakdance around it it was like oh my gosh there's a monkey with a peg leg in the kitchen but if it's a burglar I have this I'll run up get my pom pom and we'll cheering today Oh for crying out loud give me that it's nothing it's just that stupid tree branch banging on the side of the window if you ever wake me up in the middle of the night again you better pray that there's someone armed and dangerous in our kitchen but what if a guy like me came up and grabbed you like this let that be a lesson to you van that's what you get for not doing your chores the judge called the tree is guilty and they're giving it the wood chipper I wasn't scared and so it wasn't the first person of rush in the kitchen ever heard of ladies first you know we should get a gun well keep it in the frigerator that way when the burglar breaks in we can say hey before you take all our stuff how about a nice tall glass of free now that I've been through what I've been through I'd know what to expect next time yeah you'd wake me up ago Cheyenne Cheyenne help me you know what I'll let you do your little move but if I came at you at least there's tons of stuff mom that you can do take down a guy Vic come here let me show him up Oh leave me alone pound on your mother we men folk are talking about how to protect you ladies because you need it well gee van let's just roll over and shore your belly why'd you say nothing that's what I thought I can finally work out some of my frustrations that I've kept inside from all the people that have picked on me miss Anderson Reba hit me yes she did I think someone needs a time out as for being a tattle-tale instructor oh geez Barbra Jean [ __ ] her does not stay down you want dance cowgirl unless day yeah hey Reba can you smell what Barbra Jean is cookin look at all the pretty colors check out another one coming blonde Zilla what did you call me you heard me blond Zilla [Music] [Laughter] the actions over here [Laughter] what do you look at that tiny girl [Laughter] [Applause] it's for my dollhouse it's for my favorite dress it's that that's just for fun I think I made my point I feel closer to you Barbra Jean I might actually look forward to seeing if I could pound on your head once in a while you know you're not the first person to say that to me I think it'd be cool to be a guy or giraffe no Eagle Eagle B coast either stop talking or getting punching range oh you don't be even cooler a tiger a tiger with an eagle head we can call it at Eagle he can [Laughter] can I help you I'm here for my football list you're tearing I certainly a.m. you are what's with the shot I don't know anything about the game I'd like to have something to say other than how fabulous the avocado dip is [Laughter] tag you're it [Laughter] I didn't realize you were using these football lessons to meet men that you're attractive [Applause] wait wait you think I'm gay yeah you're married to your sister really I'm not gay well I don't know why would have thought so hmm that's just the way of Bill see you later Mary I'm just saying a lot of gay guys wear their hair like that boy sometimes just gonna thank the man upstairs that you have a crappy car why are there stickers all over everything oh no reason you know just committing a little vandalism oh come on mrs. H throw me a little love what's with the stickers I'm claiming stuff you know in case you die then put sticker on my bed what well technically it's not your bed Jake it belongs to the estate van go take the sticker off his bed well great now I have to get a job get rich and get my own racecar bed talk about it you're calling it you know say his name and he will call you we call them death death again very funny hey did I ever tell you when I was a kid we had a dog named ed he got lost all the time he's always outside going you just keep laughing Reba but you're creating some real bad mojo here by the way I'm the one that broke your lamp I was trying to work a yo-yo wait a minute is this true yeah it's true I'm not very good with the yo-yo to go down but I can never seem to bring you back up not about the lamp you're gonna replace you dingbat no sane person has 400 beanie babies excuse me 412 doesn't make me crazy that makes me the secretary at the whole bunch of beanie babies Club who is this your password if you want to see insane why don't you run on down to the State Fair and get your portrait drawn and take a gander PJ you don't get the house until mom's gone right well like she told you before that will be for a very long long long time so so wouldn't you rather have this dollar today okay can I keep my bed sure but it'll cost you a dollar I almost felt bad that time and you ever think about dying sure well how do you gonna go naked why so I came in wouldn't you be more comfortable with Brock and Barbra Jean oh we asked them already they're busy let's cut the playing around okay I know I'm not Elizabeth's guardian oh whoops yeah Owen whoops why didn't you tell me well we figured if we didn't die wouldn't matter if we did die you know we wouldn't care if you're mad at us cuz we'd be dead I don't know if you think about this much mrs. H but raising a baby is a huge responsibility Reba's house is off-limits to all pests don't you say they have a class on keeping your head out of your butt you know I don't think they do or my counselor would have told me about it you want to hear something really wild if I stand on my toilet in my upstairs bathroom I can see right into your bedroom window let's take the baby with us so she can't hit us sometimes when your mother has given us a big lecture and she wants to emphasize a point she likes to give me one of these thanks mrs. H you know it's funny we thought you're gonna give us a big lecture what no no nothing no study on my bad a lecture if I gave you a lecture you didn't like it you just drop it right good one hi me I mean bad one I mean shut up man what I'm waiting for you to get it people don't have to try to screw up their lives screwing up is easy some people have a gift for it the hard part is trying not to screw up not to screw up got it nah baby child in and look fresh tip cuz I'm all that and a bag of chips look how clean my windows are a sexy stop it seriously seriously seriously stop hi sweetie daddy had something on his neck mommy bit it off how about when we want to you know huh I can tell your mom and put Elizabeth in with her hey Barbra Jean your turn burgers why are you hanging in my window you all right I don't know what's going on around here but I sure am liking the new Barbra Jean you don't have to just hang in my window like that just get completely off the property by the way your dad dies is here you're dead I just hear if we don't tell your mom she'll eventually find out we knew and didn't tell her I don't want to live in that world Cheyenne the boy makes sense see even she think don't worry you won't be bummed out by looking at an empty room we're gonna put the baby in there what they made us feel better how could you what are you doing up here looking for my BB gun did you know I can see Barbra Jean's house from here I don't want to move up here you're not going to Jake good cuz I don't like that thing behind van what this is not like you well it's not like me well you know being on soft and mushy I mean usually you're all dirty don't scare me young Reba thanks man it's always flattering to know how other people see you if you want to throw in a Corvette do but that's your business and this is like waiting for pizza no turns up what no you still got one minute left Cheyenne I'm too far away would you mind Luke I am your father oh I would have rung your doorbell but you don't have one Bing bong Bing bong I have a feeling we're gonna be great friends God has a great sense of humor look at ostriches hello the Corvette the Corvette a Corvette it's a sign my pair got answer God put the Corvette in the cereal but see I had to pull it out you see you have to make your own prayers come true God rewards effort and you're gonna cry I'm not gonna cry that's the worst thing I've ever said to you although it is right up there with mrs. Forrest Gump I didn't get any sleep last night my head feels like one of those snow globe things that you shake except instead of snow flakes it's filled with not sleeping flakes so what kept ya working on you metaphors I don't know what kind of kept me up could have been Cheyenne snoring I do not snore you practically sucked the drapes off the window why don't you discuss sleep in Kyra's old room or I could sleep in our room and you could sleep down by the wharf and guide ships through the fog don't be surprised if his sleep deprivation thing starts to make me act I don't know goofy a rule no saying dumb at the table new rule no being DeMatha tail and that was tough yeah I mean I'm not even sure where to find an organ grinder let alone get him to take me on a boy there [Applause] he is lucky to be indoors I can cheer up mr. robot a car bah-bah pinky listen to us she's taking away our ability to speak like big people I put this filter on the computer that lets me see everything anyone does online you mean anything Kira does right no wow Kira's life is a movie you know who I want to play me huh Denzel Washington my mom has a point shine I mean if she didn't spying on us you'd never gotten pregnant that's like you were blind Jimmy who's Jimmy you are honey you know what I think mrs. H that you're not really Jimmy [Music] no go through her backpack to keep everything in there and wise up mrs. H no one gets a friendship necklace from a friend it's from a boy boy friend you do the math [Applause] look you got a goofball I've got a plan that'll make both of you happy Matt vision goggle ooh Barbra Jean we're in the suburbs not now sneaking around looking in people's windows I'll radio if I see anything and don't worry I'm not gonna do anything that looks suspicious I can't believe this is happening oh come on Brock you know she's crazy when you married her no sign of Curie yet I'm going back in thanks bro [Music] hey red hands off the merchandise I think you owe me a thank you for driving you home from school and an apology for introducing me as your driver giant Malibu Barbie it seemed like you had wonderful friends except maybe for that red-haired kid who was sitting on the bleachers yeah he looked like a STONER yeah yeah that's the one his eyes they looked a little whack doubt to me he's blind come on Kyra pot is fun all the cool kids are doing it hey you want to take a little ride I'm a magic carpet he's going she's working on her sales pitch we need the money oh that's just great Cheyenne that's great did you ever stop and think that maybe that's why your pyramid was lopsided what numbers that lady gonna be behind you no lady there is no lady no because she just went through that wall oh my god she's at suddenly chillier in here what did you do that for I can't help it it's funny funny funny you think it's funny that I had to spin around ten times last night before I got into bed I broke a perfectly good lap it's a little funny that's when I saw it all this sticks at the base of that tree spelled out the words Barbra Jean but not in a language anyone's ever seen oh my gosh I know that language what does that mean go home I don't believe in ghosts I believe in the circle of life Okuda to talk a talk we need to perform a seance contact the lingering spirit and politely ask him to leave he will then communicate his responses through the supernatural powers of the Ouija board made by Parker Brothers fun for the whole family living and dead say hello Reba sup cuz you're moving in a movie you're moving in are you moving it you're moving it aren't you Reba [Applause] [Music] you don't think that thing really works do you I swear young man you keep looking at that thing and your head will turn into a poop tube I got a joke why is six Afraid of seven I must admit I'm stumped because seven eight nine ah precious how can that pop make you look so goofy but sounds so wise goofy well someone needs to put a nickel in the swear jar young lady why don't I instead go make you a hot dog on the stage yes look at how small my head is okey-dokey smokey please tell me she didn't hear that she said okey-dokey question [Applause] [Music] this is you don't run like that look I can do she did that once when it was full guess what everybody I'm quitting school you say you're quitting school yeah go get me a switch well I'm saying as colleges are full of people who thought College was gonna get him somewhere and where are they in college [Applause] and I was ready to ban dating altogether after what happened to Cheyenne something happened to Cheyenne hey it's the guy that's the problem of the guy I'm the problem doing the rest of the villagers grab your torches and run me out of town I'm not talking about you van I'm talking about teenage boys who have only one thing on their mind well I Got News for You mr. H I'm a teenage boy and you know what I got on my mind nothing you threw a pencil at a girl in school act like that whoa whoa why do boys act like that is that what you think is that what you want our daughter to think that boys are automatically the bad guy he's not automatically the bad guy van it's I mean come on they just are I bet Jake had a good reason tell her Jake I was mad that's not good enough Nick neighbor Jill cam was writing notes about how she loves me and passing him to her friends she wouldn't stop there you go the girl started it I bet she didn't get into trouble did she girls don't get in trouble van girls don't get in trouble Cheyenne it's always the guy Jake here is a victim a victim of Jill Campbell's love and of a sexist society I got you buddy I got you [Applause] yes there's no way to comb that over is there what is it Cheyenne I'm kind of in the middle of something here oh that feels weird do this and then do this I didn't want you to do this because it made me feel left out you want to shave your head too it's just something I have to do for my job it's similar to how some people have to take certain tests to get a job like when a bartender has to pass the bar I mean do you think I really want to look like the mayor of Munchkinland I didn't treat you like that when you were bald hold me [Music] then what are you doing trying to make my hair grow faster hey there pretty girl very did you miss me Mary I don't need to ask your permission I'm gonna miss you Mary you do realize that these are my legs and those are your legs yeah but my legs don't turn me out the caterpillar turns into a butterfly I did not see that coming there's a huge scrape on your car show me hmm maybe he's okay with it [Applause] how could you [Applause] water splashes car I scratched Rhonda with my purse and I'm glad I did it you did it mm-hmm my own flesh and blood by marriage I shall never trust you or forgive you again mm-hmm shells when you say shall you big jerk everybody just calm down this has gone far enough I'm a jerk I got a scratch in my car and I'm a jerk well I think anybody who puts the scratch there with her purse shall be a jerk shell shell Shou Shou sad a me that needs to burn rubber [Music] you burn Rhonda's rubber she's not penthouse material [Laughter] the parking situations fine it's the menu I'm having a problem with Reba what did you call me Reba see now that we're renters I don't think it's right for me to be calling you mrs. H oh and I'm cutting down on my carbs so keep that in mind carried you have a life insurance policy on your husband I think so why cuz he's not gonna like it hey Reba just thought I'd come over and tell you what a wonderful friend you are Oh what's Brock doing here go get it so I called your mom Reba what is the big deal why don't you have to get so mad I mean sure it's not the greatest name in the world but I mean it's better than say Mabel or for boy Floyd the man's name honey oh yeah tell that's man Floyd maybe I could use a middle name it's Nell Nell Nell Nelly old Nellore huh the answers once you only have to lather rinse and repeat once why do you always have to cause trouble I know I'm sorry it's a real character flaw yes it is and I wish you told me that three bottles of shampoo ago we were just wondering now what did you call me I know it's not working for me either so I asked myself WW Rd what would Reba do I do know you I'm in your head you're gonna give me a hug no yeah it was then they realized that neither one of them made it a man you know how the old saying goes if you love something set it free or [ __ ] it so it can't get away yeah she was just over at Reba Nels she was screaming and throwing stuff swearing she was gonna set him free or crippled him y'all get all that yep I mean who wouldn't want to be married to mr. H but my bad quick question for you if you want to go duck hunting do you have to have your own gun or can you just wait for them to land and then go after them with a hammer what in the name of dirt and worms are you talking about hunting that's good when you're depressed I got a great duck call hey ducks [Applause] hurry up [Applause] honey why couldn't you have waited 30 seconds to eat what got you cook this is age ba-ba-ba-boom I think a boy should hear it from a man excuse me hermie you know I can't take all the credit to dogs across the street brought up the subject how did he take it oh he loved it he was laughing we were high five minutes awesome you kept it age-appropriate right absolutely nothing graphic or anything I just explained that it was like you know wrestling with his buddies but with girls and then once you've done it it's all you ever want to talk about but man he's a kid you were supposed to keep it technical and boring wrestling makes it sound fun oh don't worry I didn't make it sound fun I don't even think of it like that excuse me I mean fun with you honey just not with other people what other people other people do it Cheyenne just take a look around them all all right look if it all make you feel better I'll talk to them again and tell them it's no fun in fact I'll tell them it's a lot of pressure and a lot of work and sometimes I just rather read we started with the dogs when I segwayed from them to the birds and the bees but not for long because to be perfectly honest with you I don't know anything about how the birds and the bees do it except they're doing it when they're flying it's probably dangerous it's why you probably see bird snatching in the windows all the time by the way I told them I kinda invented it in the backyard you know what's funny you never see cats doing that what's your agent say I don't know let me ask him van what do you think about trying to get more money chief and I think it's best not to rock the boat he says it's best not to rock the boat man you can't be your own agent the team won't take you seriously what if I use a fake accent on the phone that Hoth accept lucky yen so we give his two more quid for the trolley Jerry Maguire is my favorite movie ever every Tom Cruise over 1,500 letters sage the circus is in town I just love that Jerry Maguire when Cuba Gooding jr. asked Tom Cruise if you shop lifted the pootie about spit up you're the one who asked me to move out you just sprinted towards the door ain't you big fella harbour jig mr. H kitchen no so it can celebrate how well this is all going somebody's put on a few in the keister man already told me you were gay the truth is he said you were super gay excuse me just for a second let me ask you a question van why did you tell Sadie I was gay what never said that why would I say that did you tell her I was super gay oh yeah I didn't mean to I was just saying I were talking about our favorite cities and I said I really like Lubbock she mentioned San Francisco and I wanted to sound clever and make a joke but I don't know anything about San Francisco but cable cars and gay people so I made a joke about gay people and it wasn't funny apparently because she looks at me kind of offended and says fan I'm gay do you have a problem with gay people like super gay I love your hair we're going after dinner Joey up oh my gosh she turned Reba Elizabeth's gonna have two grandmas guys in the team took me out to celebrate my new contract we had so much fun and yes a few beers but don't you worry I didn't drive no baby gonna keep celebrating if you want to I have a headache now you're my brother-in-law and my new daddy it's like he's seen as the family goofball I can't imagine what that feels like [Music] [Applause] can you miss ice cream truck Oh this is turning into a bad day I'm clicked on Phonics well first of all I'm the prettiest you're not gonna get all fiery and start rant and rave and tell me go cut myself a switch from the looking tree Barbra Jean yeah Reba get your Thanksgiving stealing but over here right now and bring a branch from the whippin trees put down the spatula let's pop her out Barbra Jean she's outside she's not gonna come in here until she sure you're not gonna hurt her it'll be worse if I have to chase her Barbra Jean it's okay if you're saying that against your will cough twice honey how do you just come on in here the neighbors saw me come in you better see me come out but don't you try and bully her trying to help you didn't explain to the children that you got your daddy's mixed up I don't want to bobbies don't care what you want go [Music] [Applause] gene we need to talk are you listening to well Thanksgiving music hey hey we were listening to bad you little hip Hopi okay watch hands first oh thank you - I left don't try and find me Barbra Jean yes don't worry I'm at my house when you get back you need to take her to preschool the teachers are starting to think she's mine your age mrs. H we have teddy bears on your bed not too [Laughter] I cannot have teddy bears on my bed I'm a professional football player shoulda known you'd come here and try to Cheyenne up the place why would you say that I don't do that van as soon as you leave I'm gonna put all this stuff out on the table in the hallway did you lie about your sister and chip being upstairs yes nobody mocks me and gets away with it so did that won't even go upstairs no and I didn't know he was a boy I thought he was an ugly girl he broke his butt well he actually fractured his tailbone but let's face it he broke his butt dad that is not funny I know don't be embarrassed about your butt ring when I was in the high school volleyball team I took a ball right to the I just Ramo you know for the rest of the season I had to wear these huge bug-eyed goggles that everyone made fun of would have been nice if someone had mentioned I only had to wear them during games [Laughter] head shoulders knees and what's up doc whoa whoa I don't know if we need to be showing my mother-in-law my onion it's not your onion it's this Wow you can't show that that's your spine my spine is getting narrow is that why my pants been feelin looser went by the park and saw these little tiny kids playing football and I thought children stop don't fall in love with the sport your dreams are just gonna get ripped to shreds like a bunny in a wood chipper actually you didn't really think it you you kind of yelled it the truth should be yelled maybe that's what I'll do with my life now I'll just wander around and yell the truth but maybe not at little kids cuz they start to cry what is being gonna do now tada oh good lord he's become a pimp I also like to publicly apologize to God for calling them fat mean and stupid [Laughter] I'm lonely you scared the heck out of me I could hit you see and I can't promise you if things get heated up I won't open up a can of whoop-ass on dr. delicious don't make them open up the can mom you don't want to punish me yeah [Applause] amazing great okay [Applause] amazing the dirt boss sexually harassed you did he call you Tut's or honey or touch you like this because if he did we are talking big coin I brought in twice as many customers as those creepy blowup dolls you know [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] what is dog spelled backwards it spells God you know they do to dog killers in jail especially pretty ones like you you never did go near that dog whenever we came over you left the room well that may have more to do with you I was in the yard whistling happy and then I heard it [Music] [Music] [Music] I believe you were afraid that little bit don't see the rage in her eyes I'm not afraid of big dogs I'm afraid of little ones when I was a little kid my parents let me watch Cujo on TV but it was on a nine inch screen if they had just bought me a normal size television I would not be living with this curse not funny just last week I saw you chasing the dog because she took my cookie she always took my cookies oh my dog where are my cookies you I warned you before you learn mutt did you paws off my cookies that's it oh well continue or much you ate the cookies off the garage floor did the diet make you hungry hungry enough to eat a small dog shut up Kyra it's not my fault that you think you're gonna get fat because you're not playing football hey I am sensitive about this issue all right I admit it it was me and what happened was this [Music] [Music] now eternal life will be mine [Music] very funny Kyra although if you hadn't done it I wouldn't had to cook dinner it's the dog oh my gosh what happened it's kind of gross Oh Jane calm down Jake come on tell us what happens the dough I think he killed a hawk awesome [Music] Barbra Jean are you nuts yes that's the point Kyra has got to be prepared for anything it is crazy out there on the road it's not very sane here in the driveway either okay I'm set I'm here I'm so cool oh look at that it's a giant he writes in the road watch out [Music] oh but here comes Jake on his motorcycle to save his sister what he's driving right by oh that's right she was always so mean to him look at me I'm mom I laugh thousand people right I just hope your picture turns out good when I got my license my face looks like this now every time I get pulled over that's the face I have to make what do they always turn out that way okay you got me on the way home I drove the car into the Grand Canyon dolma didn't make it very funny [Music] hold on tsubasa the game you think that used to be a song no wonder Elizabeth used to cry every time she sang to her phone looking forward away I don't understand it why didn't she just tell us she was saying it would you [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] there's got to be if we hold on to the night cheyanne you are really good this country yeah if we hold on to excuse me hey excuse me man I'm trying to dust the furniture well can you do it later and watching this show about women's rights then it's rub your socks on the table all right but discounts is one of my chores I want you to try to hit me before I hit you okay on go ready set go oh I'm sorry okay I messed up let's try that again okay here we go ready set go oh I'm sorry one more time ready set go that's right Jake whoa I like that feel still want to be a kicker I wanna hit it cake get off me look Jake yeah you better walk away we were gonna have dinner without you but then we remembered you're the one who cooks it yeah man I work you don't who do you think she cooks well I think it should be that guy on TV he goes boom he's not here are you trying to get a whuppin remember the three P's to be a good employee well good thing aren't two or it'd be P peace I wasn't listening I'm still thinking about my hair here let me get it for you now let's go [Applause] hey mom I'm gonna ride my bike down the stairs what's that you're at work sweet J you are not gonna ride that bike down those stairs it is too dangerous that's what makes it fun haven't you ever done amazing daters no my parents are really strict and mean they never let me do anything and see your parents around I tried to stop her home it's insane you know that's the least crazy thing I've seen all day [Music] [Applause] home home on the range [Music] we're the we were singing that I'm still kind of buzzed all I know is that if my son-in-law did this well which would be weird because you know I only have a son which I mean Henreid have to be gay I mean I love him just the same you know but I don't think he's gay but he sure does know his colors but I can't trust you at home I'm gonna hire a babysitter cool babysitters are hot you come in and Stern and technical liger look at the closets look at the square footage I come in all cool hey van sir want to buy our hands and they do you show the house I sell the house you talk him to death I sell the house I talk him to death van I'm talking about the school systems and the plumbing in the roofing she can go on like that for hours part of me wants to be happy for him and the other part wants to just smack him upside the head and it's known get up rise and shine oh man I was dreaming about waffles get up oh come on mrs. nature the only one at the office that doesn't go for this I was gonna put a ship in it stops I mean it's bad enough she thinks I have a drinking problem and now she thinks I'm the biggest wuss ever I tell her she's gonna freak out and make my life miserable that's possible but look on the bright side she'll stop making my life miserable what do you think I gonna do get drunk start dancing on a coffee table rip my top off that would be awesome I'll take a beer oh man I don't think that's a good idea be on the wagon man yes but they shouldn't call it a wedding cuz wagons are fun well fun be drinking a soda I'm gonna need some cheese maybe I have a cheese problem too Oh van sneaking drinks well in my defense I try to drink in front of you I'm not gonna let up on you until you go to one of those meetings and I want you to bring me back on those welcome chips that they give out that way I'll know that you've actually gone to the meeting I'll go in the morning I'm not going thought a hangover Danny no what's a net Cod oh I don't want you to get it to me okay but don't think any less of me [Music] coffee um Lord that's good coffee I have wonderful news I'm having a beer he's just taking the fall for me my sweet sweet enabler see mrs. H I told you I didn't have a drinking problem pour it out okay man it's just so heartbreaking to think of all the people who are out there still suffering I remember what I was like before I got help you mean an hour ago you want a beer yeah I was watching the baseball game having a beer right so then I decide to make a sandwich then Cheyenne tells me that it's dangerous to make a sandwich while I'm under the influence do you know anybody that's gotten killed by making a salami sandwich back when I was using I said some really horrible things do you care about your band it's cool don't worry about it Kyra this isn't about you okay it's about me all you really have to do is listen you think you can handle it yeah anyway even though you said like ten billion mean things to me and I'm at least like five mean things to you I just want you to know I'm sorry [Laughter] sometimes I lie awake at night and I thank God that her husband made a pass at me I bet God really loves to hear from you I don't know why but I just I don't feel the need to drink at all [Applause] it's no big deal I'll quit before it affects my looks I do not think smoking is that bad for you I think tobacco's a vegetable life does not have to be a constant girl look at me I'm Reba what obstacle do I have to overcome today just go with it man I did it I did it girl um Reba you know how she is like I don't pay attention I should have been look red husband I got this I know what she's up to but I didn't you know why cuz I'm afraid of her oh my gosh is that my gum here let me get it out [Laughter] wines a little cork you should probably switch to juice I just have a beer so I think we're out now there's one right over there excellent beer spotters mrs. H good like I said wrong if anybody wants a bear wing just squeeze van wrong with you I'm a little buzzed they're red sir just say you'd like to make a toast and then hold up a piece of bread you see booze doesn't make you charming humor teas looks like someone starting their own family ma'am when are you due Angie it's not pregnant it doesn't make any sense maybe or I you work out take your vitamins knock it off all right all right clearly the hens need some time to clucking cluck this roosters gonna be upstairs [Music] I need you I need you to come upstairs with me and clean the lamp that I broke bed so high where there's so many pillows mrs. H don't hit me I'm gonna meet a crazy person [Laughter] hey Barbra Jean did you know that folding laundry lifts and firms your buttocks but we're gonna get all your money when you die anyway so six of one [Laughter] coffee ground was a hint of h2o Church by how is city awesome Elizabeth drew this picture today at Sunday school it's her family at church notice something missing man perspective and subtle shady you fan you're missing huh well maybe that orange smudge is supposed to be me face it Diane she's not very good can a brother and sister marry if Adam and Eve were the first people on earth and they had kids they notice their kids Mary let's have some quiet time hey who's ready for some guy no thanks my god tank is full oh there's always room for Reverend yummy pants explain to them why football is better than church well I would van but as a matter of fact I am going to church tonight thanks to you and Wednesdays are endless hot wings at Hooters hey I had a bunch of women squawking at me I needed them to get mad at someone else yeah well I get that I don't think it's right to force somebody to go if they don't want to go oh you're wrong Reba my daddy used to force my brother to go and now he's the most god-fearing church-going person in prison the Bible teaches us to be tolerant of others but that's only for people who think the same way we do you're going Brock I'm your wife now not Reba if you don't want to be forced to go to church you should have stayed with her and I knew that come back to haunt me for every day you don't go to church God takes a day off of your life I don't believe in God he's just joking is it me or is it getting hotter in here if you ever say anything like that again I'll put you in the ground stop it anybody believe I hit them with a Bible well that's how my daddy did it if there is a God then he sucks at his job okay that does it get in the car just the part we're gonna put me in the ground no this is the part where you're gonna go speak to the minister and if that doesn't put you in the brand now get in the car it is definitely getting hotter in there what did you ever do to tick her off this friend is married and would never do anything to betray her husband she also has this best friend the former wife of said husband and she would never do anything to betray her as well well except steal her man but that was a long time ago Barbra Jean I too have a story that I would like to share I have a friend who is a minister really and this Minister is really interested in one of the members of the congregation you know what listen mr. minister all right I know when you say friend you really mean yourself and just because I shamelessly flirt which I cannot help because I'm a naturally vivacious and friendly person does not mean that you can make me puss at me and in the church for golly sake Barbra Jean I don't know your smooth talk is not gonna fly peaches okay all right wrong church boy wrong as wrong can be now I'm gonna take my pie and my special edition copy of The Thorn Birds and I'm just gonna pretend like this conversation never happened see you Sunday [Applause] amazing great I'm Barbra Jean Hart and I'm the face of STD this is H do you see him - hey black people Oh Ruby girl you so crazy yeah green man so hey Barbra Jean did you do something with your hair yeah yeah do you like it Felicia did it I won't have to wash my hair for a month there's food in the kitchen not else I am no no I don't I do word first off they're called my peeps and they're only here for dinner so cheer or girlfriend you're the widest person in Texas stop talking like that oh no she didn't Archer don't ask me why I have 20 black people in my living room I noticed you had a lot of people I didn't notice the color of their skin there's my little piece of white chocolate wellgood Barbra Jean you did your hair and just in time for our formal dinner at the club I gotta get my bling-bling keep it real ladies oh yeah why he jumps in the front get over here save my spot I've been late for work because I couldn't get in the bathroom because there was such a line and then when I did get in all the towels were wet so I couldn't take a shower oh that's a very sad story if it only had a dramatic ending like and then I was pulled off the roof from my submerged home by a helicopter it's just that I've been late for work for the last three mornings that is a very sad story mrs. H if you only had a dramatic ending like the next thing I knew I was floating down Main Street in a laundry basket knock it off man thanks Robi but I'll just get a bagel on the way to work Thanks dibs Darnell I'm gonna be late for work again oh it's a very sad story it only had a dramatic I will pull your tongue out is it because we're black [Laughter] you're what you're the widest person in Holland just kick him out of the house mrs. H okay do that not after everything they've been through well then do something that I make him want to leave play that country music you like so much I agree with Reba Oh stick a sock in its new doll don't be a hater II bizzle it's been three weeks when are you gonna get rid of those silly cornrows I can't [Applause] alright go after the garage and get my weed whacker I'm gonna say this as delicately as I can she didn't like you [Applause] please be sure to bring Barbra Jean with you see I told all these people about her and no one believes me and what are you doing I'm sana gets a surprise if I use my hands will be unsanitary it's the prize five cavities in a gut [Laughter] that's why I married you that sense of humor oh wait no it was the baby Hey look at this a mouse how para fine man you've been Raymond take this from me would you please hurry quick going Oh [Laughter] mint chocolate chip get me a spoon [Applause] Oh pop oh that's a very scary head you have no idea how much nail polish I wasted on that neck Halloween is evil now I know you're gonna make fun of me but I know what I know and there is no trick-or-treating in the Bible she hands out religious pamphlets instead of Halloween candy that's why our house has been egged the last five years well I would rather have an eggy door and a clean soul than the other way around oh it's Frank hey Frank sup Frank listen van how you doing van real good Frank real good man be nice Oh what I'm always nice of course I will excuse me Frank why greet my wife [Applause] by don't ever do that to me okay man is there something you want to talk to us about no no why would I want to talk about my wife having an affair you see the way she acted with him is Frank he does he does sensitive makes me sick I trust Cheyenne oh well look with that Truscott you grandma [Applause] don't you think I would know if someone was cheating in my house gotta hide me Frankie I got in a fight it was bad I didn't mean to hurt him no no we're saying I left her there she made her choice where I don't remember all I saw was red okay everybody just calm down I gotta get out of here mr. H you still know those guys in Mexico where is my daughter if you did anything to her mom Cheyenne I couldn't see anything there's blood everywhere man what did you do with Frank he's in a place where he can't destroy any more families then what did you do to him the cops are on their way I heard the sirens police all right you know what I know how to buy us some time all right I'm gonna tamper with the crime scene and I'll get rid of Anne's DNA now don't worry i watch all of the csi's tell me where you hid him if you do not tell me where Frank is I'm gonna tell the cops where you're hiding you wanna know where he is yeah fine I put him in the trunk you monster fan he could suffocate in there I wouldn't worry about that now what have you done he got out what are you doing happy Halloween you've been Jade [Applause] mom Arriba how dare you uh-oh here comes the real blood you make me feel ridiculous for doing all my Halloween pranks oh you could pull this off and all of you were in it lying scheming plotting behind my back okay Reba just calm down come on it's only a joke just a joke are you kiddin [Applause] you mean to tell me that Barbra Jean is out there somewhere searching for a fake crime scene yeah this Halloween just gets better and better and you're an addict what you're addicted to food you use it to dull the feelings of emptiness in your life and the disappointment in your relationships really do I smell schnapps okay I'm just trying to help oh I know you are dear but perhaps you're looking at me with beer goggles okay when I called you an addict I was trying to help now you're just saying that to be me Cheyenne I'm sure she didn't mean it then in my group long enough to know how to spot an addict and believe me they're everywhere but the first time did you tell someone they got a baby from it's like one day I'll be old one day ha ha you're gonna be old one day to Van let's see who's laughing there well won't be you because you'll be dead yeah it's your 80th birthday today huh you know what you want for a present don't you ever want anything else oh you're the one who's not working it on your butt so man you're Amy today and that means you're old you're an old man and I'm allowed to see it souls laughing now oh crap [Applause] did you see that mother he died that miserable coot got what he deserved ha ha ha ha who's laughing now [Laughter] another spongebob balloon come on guys bring back underdog this underdog whoo-hoo sunder duck underdog is the coolest superhero ever no way spider-man is the coolest spider-man please oh look at me I'm spider-man I shoot give me wet stuff out of my wrist I climb on buildings what kind of superhero can get killed by a giant tissue buzzer Barbra jeans brother's name is Buzzard right it's me Buzzard record buzzer the lunatic finally leave saying I like having you around I'm gonna ow [Applause] passed out four in the afternoon next thing you know he's gonna be wearing elastic pants let's put his hand in warm anyway that's childish well right on his forehead hey mr. agent Ben was gonna draw on you yeah but in my defense I was bored so my charming smile is not frightening it's warm and inviting here that Pankaj ah your smile is very flattening it is not right yes this is frightened to my fan I'm not here to judge dear lord please bless Henry and Brock and Reba and all the poor people in the whole world and all the people in jail yeah this goes on for quite a while hello what's funny yeah but that's how I get this bruise but wait there's more [Laughter] [Music] oh I'm so sorry yeah whatever hey the girls in the office love this next part you know it would be funny during this cartoon music oh I don't know why this could be happening help oh are you kidding me she's beating me in my sleep because of a stupid hamster my hamster has turned me into a monster first Sam I tell that marriage counselors my big strong man can take a punch oh you poor thing you look terrible I do Oh horrible how long have you been on the streets well actually I was in the park oh so yeah I'm such a shame are you hungry yes I'm starving I'm always starving I'll get you something and I'll be right back oh this place is awesome surprised more people don't come here you remind me of my first wife she look like the lunch lady oh thank you hey you have any crackers yeah that soup that chip is for the hobos you know each other that's my husband spinach is still good for you just don't want to eat too much of it because the minerals build up and it turns into glass that you pass through your wiener here's an episode of Popeye you'll never see I'm no doctor but I think you need someone around when you shoot glass through your wiener yes I'm sure if you had a gun that moves a lot faster but you shouldn't say stuff like that out loud oh yes sir officer I understand by all means questioner well Barbra Jean's gonna be a little late possibly three to five years late oh come to Barbara Jean's slide show extravaganza here we are pulling into Houston Intercontinental Airport or as some of you may know it George Bush Intercontinental Airport I thought we were supposed to park in this slot but we were actually supposed to park in this slide three tickets to st. Louis please telling me forgot to take out the lens cap lens cap lens cap lens cap hi regine that's beautiful isn't it it's a picture of the postcard I saw in the airport now if some of you may know st. Louis was once the shoe manufacturing center of the world so I thought it might be fun to take some pictures of our trip from the point of view of our feet here we are on the banks of the mighty Mississippi hoofing it to the Gateway Arch free tickets to the arch please Reba's trying to leave I am NOT I will go to the bathroom there will be plenty of time for bathroom breaks during the first intermission you are so dead bro well this is a homeless guy hello there squirrels were very friendly I thought this one looked like a you're very tough when you're picking on a four year old Reba okay why don't you try picking on me all right I'm not scared of you okay maybe a little if I'm nothing to the both of you why are you always here well we're here because we like you I'm sorry in our house we reason with Henry I'm guessing he wins most of the time it's not about winning and losing I mean if I stuck my fingers in my ears and held my breath I probably went a lot - I'll tell you what the problem the problem is [Applause] great that's just what your brain needs less oxygen did not tell you can't have your bat in the house put one for each act what if I turn your head then I can fight you off with my mat if he behaves for a day he gets a blue sticker and with seven blue stickers he can trade it in for a star sticker and with four star stickers he gets to be the mommy for a day well my daddy used to SWAT me with a switch and if I talk back I got upgraded to two more spots well that explains the temper get out and take Chucky with you I'll give you till the count of three one three but we need to talk to this okay I'm not a child [Laughter] did you just spank me [Music] [Applause] thanks for talking back okay you know what we are out of here that's the idea what you do to Barbra Jean boss banker yes officer I'd like to report an assault yes my husband's ex-wife spanked me well she's a redhead and I'm a blonde but what does that have to do with anything she's here sent help an apology won't take the red marks off my snowy white bottom oh come on we both knew that the spanking was coming sooner or later Oh Reba oh this is why mama clothes smell like Barbra Jean Henry is the devil what oh he's done tons of awful stuff at your house that we blamed on band the overflowing toilet the oven the dent in your car Henry did that [Applause] [Music] he's a week did you know if you passed gas and milk the bubble takes like forever to reach the surface you should try it in a mud bath I don't even know where it goes Brock sounds weird oh you have a weird name sounds like a parrot Brock Brock hey I'm so relaxed that doesn't even budget it's like a bird that warns of danger oh thank the Lord this is the best thing that's ever happened to me besides you honey you know flat screen high-definition TV I finally have something to grow old and get fat in front of you know what men really want for marriage I can't really tell you in front of your mother all right fine you know what men really want from marriage Oh high-definition flat-screen TV let's meet our happily married men this is van Montgomery happily married to me taken first question first question why am I here this one is for the cute one let's go to be me thank you ladies remember ladies these men are married especially van all right the question is how did you meet your wife we met in high school well thanks again they like me for the hot one me again sorry Doug what is your wife's worst trait okay that's a good one man ooh that's a tough question I'm gonna have to say I can't tell which of her eyes are prettier let me tell you a story how I proposed to my wife I rented a hot-air balloon hot air balloon and as we hovered over the field I pointed down there and carved in the crops were the words will you marry me and I handed her a glass of champagne with the diamond ring the size of a cockroach and then she fainted oh so I picked her up gently and kissed her softly on the lips and when she awoke she said the words I will he's a goon and he is a liar they proposed to me you want to know how he knew I was the one Loreen when he asked me to homecoming and I said okay but don't forget to buy me a corsage and some diapers cuz you're not me up and I married her anyway because I knew I loved her when I looked into her gorgeous left and right eyes next question how are you getting home ladies I took some pictures of other people's children for you to claim as dependents although the black kid may require some explanation I'm just gonna go out there and play with my black child well the government $75,000 how did they find out boom broke me ha do something about this problem II because you're the one who lied in the first place then you went and married Kelly McCants shut up she with the we need it'll break out nice nice [ __ ] we can't talk to her when she's like this we should just leave and quickly Reba maybe you could take out a second mortgage on the house fourth fourth oh good god woman what do you do with your money [Applause] maybe we can work out a payment plan with the IRS oh yeah how about a dollar a year for 37,000 years because that's all I can afford actually be thirty-seven thousand five hundred years okay all right come on let's not leave it like this come here do you really think that you're gonna scare someone off the lightsaber I will if I use the Force [Laughter] when I went to sleep last night didn't you have hair yeah I know you know how I like to go to bed with [ __ ] in my mouth I'm not doing that anymore intruder [Music] anything that makes you want to cook because I think the best when I'm eating we've got big financial problems here made some cutbacks you ate yesterday so technically today is your day off hey I'm also thinking about selling the car you're not gonna get much for your car not my car vans car no you will not sell Rhonda I will see you go to prison before I let that happen mom Jean how did you get in here I climbed on your bedroom window I'm not knocking on your door at 2:00 in the morning rebut that would be rude I blame you of course you do Barbra Jean and you know a good way to get back at her use me as your realtor how would that get back at her I'll drop her she's dead weight to me anyway and I've been thinking about going solo no you haven't yes I have and I don't think I can work with mrs. age after what she's done well what is it Reba do I hire your backstabbing partner or do you help me I'm sorry Barbra Jean come on Barbra Jean I'm gonna find you a wonderful new home where you can feel safe what's your price range not much and I can't guarantee safe here let me walk you home [Music] smile Oh everything so sparkly wait maker she'd take some pictures of me working my realtor magic down here by the couch man yeah oh that's nice good I like that bit man Oh Reba I wish I knew the words to reunited by peaches and herb I hope you're H a P P Y actually I'm CRA BBY oh thanks a little miss Suzie do right that's you I lost two commissions the one that I have gotten from selling their house and the one that I would have gotten from Selma my new one three actually cuz when I heard about it I was with another client I lost my temper took it out on them excuse me mr. Montgomery what's a bonus room it's up though this be happy that's right miss Suzie two and two makes four going anywhere mr. age is gonna come up with the money somehow to pay off the IRS that does not involve me getting a commission you know I wish you'd put up a billboard of you holding a gun that says nobody move what do we do when we see a stranger Barbra Jean why didn't you warn me that he was gonna do that well strangers don't get a warning strangers only get paying I'm not leaving him alone with her last thing we need in this house is another baby oh my mom come on let's go all right hey just because you're a doctor doesn't mean you get to play doctor man come on so that's what's considered good-looking wait alarm 60 I'm Cheryl Morgan Jack Morgan's wife oh you mean ex-wife I mean wife never been on this set before huh Reba sure please come in come on you don't have to justify yourself to her he's a good-looking man so he's fair game I want you to stop seeing it well that's not gonna happen Barbra Jean stop it I used to be over with well it's not up to her it's up to Brock I mean Jack Jack she's not speaking for me no I'm speaking for all the other women there are more oh no no not what Jack I mean figuratively you know women who do what we do thanks for dropping by thanks for dropping by I told you it was gonna be awkward of course it's awkward it's adultery I feel dirty that'll pass she still loves him well he doesn't love her you know know that you need to get off your little pompous high horse and get out there and fight for him oh of course you would think that yeah I do Reba this is your one chance for happiness just like I was Brock's one chance for happiness Reba and a married man honest to god you think you know somebody why must all the men and Reba's life desire me isn't it obvious you're better than sheers I hate myself for it every day kiss me Barbra Jean okay where are you going get back here [Music] barbara Jean what are you doing these um these pillows just aren't as fluffy as they used to be here what if termites love to go camping wouldn't it be ironic if they saw a tent going up and they thought they're on this really cool camping trip and the next thing they know they're dead did you ever wonder about that yeah man I think everybody wonders about that here's another thing I was wondering about mrs. H what if lobsters love jacuzzis and just before we drop into a pot of boiling hot water they think were the nicest people in the world you know what that would be that would be ironic I wanted to show you how much I value you as a wife a mother and as a partner so I decided to pay you what yeah yeah I worked out in the approximate value of what you do around here threw in a little extra cuz you look so hot doing it and I came up with a weekly paycheck so here you go you figured out my value yeah you know stuff like cooking laundry daycare and I didn't include you know cuz that would be illegal why would you think that you could treat me like an employee would you think that the money that we make is yours ha ha it's not big Oh Jo Cheyenne van tell her it's a joke a big old dumb dangerous jungle answer your question yes I think the money that I make is mine and why would I think a crazy thing like that oh that's right cuz when the paychecks come they have my name on them you know what I cannot believe that I said that you were sensitive you're that sensitive your butt and that's for you mom I can't call you a butt because you're my mom but if you weren't I would accept that I won't be talking to you so I can't oh and Van these shoes they weren't on sale and I buy two pair I know you're still mad at me but flushing the toilet when someone's in the shower isn't just mean it's dangerous mom oh you're talking to me now actually I'm just talking to myself out loud Cheyenne van tries to talk to you try and figure out a way to let him know that you're not talking to him okay Cheyenne I will van its van nice choice in the wife you [ __ ] Reba its Reba how's it working out living in a nuthouse greater diapers if they pay me her vagine Barbra Jean Barbra Jean you're so sensitive about Barbra Jean what has she ever done to you yeah yeah yeah she broke up your marriage and stole your husband frankly mrs. age if you look at the guy in a harsh light of day you'll see she did you a favor now I got one word for you let it go that's three words not the way I say it say with me let it go I had no idea how demanding tenants could be Barbra Jean's complaining that her dishwashers broke and expects me to pay to have it fixed I got one word for you Barbra Jean pedabytes that is two words let it go you sound like some sort of fat cat slumlord fat cat I like that I like cats and I like fat take a look at these Emmys you should go home take a sock and shove it down the toilet see if his hammies can fix that what's it that's the security deposit it's uh it's all in dimes she said you should count it that's insane I can't drag a bag of Dimes to the bank they'll think I've rubbed a fountain oh if you ever pay me with the second dime I will tie that to your feet yeah but first call a lawyer because I'm suing you licensed plumber my but plumber but just say no to crack those people are trouble I say we victim damn that's my father you're talking about it's all about the poor tenants isn't it shy nobody ever thinks about the fat cat landlord I'm gonna go get a beer and some fudge hello Reba I'm fine they may have to amputate but you know I can always get a license plate that says stumpy the doctor said it was a sprain he said it was the kind of sprain he saw all the time in Nam I'm just so happy that I could dance in the street naked yeah not for the first time right Barbra Jean I thought I'd burn do yeah damn man please man where'd you go young [Music] ban Samak came home from work saw you asleep on the couch and instead of whacking you with a spoon she made you cookies good freakin cookie if it makes you feel better I'm fine Oh dude or anything but you're I'm terribly severe II evil effects whoa not the door the doors the hardest part to fix hey man Vince you cry no I'm not gonna cry this bad but I'll be damned if I let you people see me not cry Rhonda Rhonda the car I was so Fonda I wish I could fix you with the magic wand honey that is beautiful yeah for a second-grader why should mrs. Magoo wear her glasses I'm gonna lead you to the couch now right and you little trust exercise honey I'll call you back all right hello oh no it was nothing my mom's just blind and she fell Barbra Jean Hey so I'll let you know mrs. H is in trouble I know but she doesn't want anybody to help her and I just wanted to call to make sure that whatever you do you don't sneak over here and make sure she's okay by now that was for you Rhonda got me a cup [Applause] our water water water [Applause] sandwich first the bread where's the free here [Applause] Franco's not sure just the other day I've know I put it to you oh ha ha okay baloney and cheese sandwich good now peanut butter love Jake kid the peanut butter only I'm gonna turn it was right here [Applause] you know peanut butter not need enough heard the bread go where's the other piece of bread fewer carbs this way [Applause] Gabanna Reba and good luck Barbra Jean I know you're still here alright fine I'm leaving Barbra Jean what [Laughter] [Laughter] Barbra Jean Marco Polo please sir I want some more [Laughter] are you still reading or did you just pass gas oh look it's Barbra Jean I guess we're even right mrs. H really oh I'm real scared I haven't taught Reba to catch the little ball with a bell in it Reba can you hear it Reba [Music] [Music] van van wake up made you some more cookies really wait a minute forgive and forget isn't you your hell hath no fury you put some in these just double chips come on van either gonna eat the cookies or you not soda or later we have to learn to trust each other again Jake have a cookie cool how is it good I took because he you told me [Music] Posen was a lot easier when all I had to do is get you pregnant this isn't easy for me I don't know when I took that business trip to Dallas last month yeah I met a woman a wonderful woman maybe the hottest woman in North America let me finish and I I didn't want to tell you because I thought it was a brief flirtation but it turned into more I loved her Cheyenne and I think we're gonna get married sike you said you wanted to be surprised how's that for a surprise now will you marry me you better run yes I try to surprise her like she said I told her I fell in love with a hot young girl and she actually got mad you could rent a bicycle built for two oh yeah then we could write it down to the Pony Express station King Kong I could dress up like a giant ape and we can go ice-skating no Van Van King Kong is not a romantic movie hello gentle love story between a misunderstood ape and a hot young actress I'm recreating a very romantic movie put that suit down taking you out of this place yeah will you marry me again this is so romantic say yes my back it's answering now I haven't seen this movie so how long am I supposed to carry [Music] I'm back in your life hey I will never leave hey Reba [Music] hello hello hello mrs. H thinks I'm pretty [Music] I will never leave your side rebut never I'm glad to hear that Barbra Jean they think it's bird flu [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all right you will listen to me pretty boy if something happens to my best friend this videotape may be the only thing I have to comfort me for the rest of my life now give me back my camera and back off before I rip out your beating heart and activity' okay you do not have to worry unless they leave a pair of scissors or a glove in you when they sew you up what that happens Barbara Julie I mean that happens rare law but it happens I will rent a Thunderbird convertible and I will put your ashes in the seat next to me and I will drive them over the rim of the Grand Canyon just in case the surgery doesn't go well any last words bite me go rent a Thunderbird convertible coz we're going to the Grand Canyon oh my god you're taking Barbra Jean to the Grand Canyon no but it got her out of the room did [Applause] what's wrong - an ass chew an ass chew an ass maybe only one the lucky ones why who knows I mean you did luck out with my carrot so you don't mind if I take this and run with it no I don't Barbra Jean anyway he's not even Chinese he just likes messing with me Oh really laugh [Applause] [Applause] y'all laugh really loud when I say my line okay okay ready not that one this that's almost safe right now fan your six-foot-four with a baby [Music] [Applause] I landed in the lab this change [Music] whoever shot [Music] [Music] [Music] in the change [Music] I'm a survivor that woman is out of control she's like a locust she has eaten everything in the house she's eaten everything at mr. HS house yeah look swollen pepper shakers are empty rock-paper-scissors man you know you're gonna lose that this time one two three dang it who do you always beat me because you always pick scissors of course I do it's my system huh guess who Luigi gave the free pizza - Luigi doesn't have to roll her out of the bed every morning but I had to take it it was free somebody will eat it oh I'm thinkin maybe we should all try and get a little healthier around here alright that's it mrs. H drop it drop it mrs. H drop it drop it drop it drop it what happened to you what's different you I'm here and Finn [Applause] yeah then is a stick and dumb as one okay Yanks What's Eating Gilbert Grape look at that they look like the number ten oh but God it was just a nightmare yeah and the nightmare continues this afternoon I'm taking a power walk power walk don't forget your power cane hey everybody I'm here and I'll shut up and have a doughnut we stop staring at her [Applause] what we've been staring at her for like the past two hours well she's pretty pretty well of course you are you've always been pretty but she's no pretty oh man that is such a funny story you can tell to your next wife really think that I'm new pretty oh yeah you're like a bleached out Halle Berry thank you welcome it's a Barbra Jean yeah is it true that uh when you lose a bunch away you uh want to do you know you know bounce baby you're like a bleached out Jam gravy Jan Jan Brady I'm Marcia hard believe is supposed to be good for you man I love old people power walking moving along swinging their arms like there's a big sale for false teeth [Laughter] guys are pigs they're dogs they're all animals just care about hot women or hot dogs my point is is that when you got a hot lady you got to keep your guard up at all times I used to you used to Oh baby don't take it like that it's just that I've grown into a mature stable individual that's all where have you been I went to get something to eat go down the gym with the rest of the wackos keep those arms are swinging lost all that weight and kept these fellas [Applause] hello Barbra Jean you really are getting limber remember when you couldn't put your leg over my head remember when I didn't want to is is that is that legal I mean necessary it's critical the stretching muscles all before you exercise them otherwise you could really hurt something turnover this one is my favorite now this gives a good stretch to the back and chest muscles really should do this once a day oh I do it all day if I could hello I think I've seen enough so what do you think you have an interest in getting a personal trainer only if he takes me out to dinner first are you sure seriously this is one of the best relationships I've ever had I think Jordan has his hands full with you oh you're a beginner Reba you'll start with dot dot yeah this is Reba she seems a little tense let's spend some extra time on the stretching hey hey everybody I'm here and I'm saying man do you honestly think I would let a straight man grab my breasts excuse me he grabbed your breasts he's gay he wasn't touching them he was arranging them for the first time since we've known each other you wanna be me I don't want to be you I know it's even better you want to look like me where are you going I'm just gonna go grab something eat I'll see you next year hey buddy what are we watching no or not more rock paper scissor for it fine let's go you're gonna pick scissors aren't you get out sometimes I want to feel new pretty [Applause] [Music] [Applause] guess what I just wrote up on a gay pride float van thinks you're a weirdo hey people know I'm here mrs. H my car's parked right out front so don't think you can kill me and roll my dead body up in a rug cuz we don't have a rug I can change we can laugh again hit my head with the garbage can lid oh good times it's an exercise machine for old people who don't wanna exercise it's called the I'd give up mm decision for me to make it's just that mrs. H and I are unbreakable team but no I really think that I would work well with you and I think I have really good people skills Shawn what oh no I'm fine I just a little cold oh but you know I know mr. Norris I gotta call you back okay come here I have a surprise for you it is cool it is awesome and it is in the very garage that you just mentioned a van I don't want to say to spiders mating again don't worry she ate them after they did it come on where's the lawnmower under your bed do you see this do you see now we don't have to go to the office to work you can come down here anytime day or night even in your bathrobe with no makeup on just just give me the heads up if you're gonna be doing that ring ring hello Reva Hart here in my new home office oh it's a good question potential client let me consult my newly installed files oh my how convenient a database of every listing in the Houston area would you lookie there my son-in-law is not a donkey call you back huh yeah I'm doing all this work stuff who's doing everything else around the house you Bing what's that oh yes the laundry's done now I take out the laundry right when it's dry and fold it so it doesn't wrinkle and then I earn it just the way van likes it that's what you get when your partner is a genius if you need some fresh air I'm a loyal hard-working good person with nice hair and a killer smile that's not a killer smile that's a smile of a killer since I've been taking this new medicine my blood pressure is perfect so you can spring anything only you want to it's no problem sneaking up on me like that what are you thinking but you just said that I may not have stairs before you give me a heart attack why are you here is this the only place where you can hide from the sunlight well I heard that besides knocking up my sister you are actually good at something I had to see it for myself well now that you have why don't you go to the malt shop and hang out with Potsie and Ralph hey what's with the tape why not because if you do I will follow you to college stand up from your dorm until everyone I see that I'm your boyfriend and I will say it like this you want one no I don't want one good thing I don't mind drinking alone bottoms up that's good brewski come on mom I'm not a kid anymore I'm 18 years old which means it's not child abuse if I slap you upside the head I didn't Barbra Jean liked me I knew it I knew those two were behind this they're dumber than a five-pound sack of stupid nice to be back in jail warden don't tell me about rules I'm pretty flexible if you ask me you were late today and I didn't say anything about that he just did yeah well don't tell me what I just did I'll tell you what I just do sit around here like it's a pub or something tell you what oh that's a good brewski I know what you're gonna say wine is more ladylike but I tell you what that kid loves the suds I was wrong you two are dumber than a 10-pound sack of stupid you couldn't wait to get out of here on weekends you were dangerous I had a control promiscuous you're like a frat boy I don't I don't know why I just said that that sound gay [Laughter] I'm not gay I just you know I meant sorority chick I have a special way of knowing when it's gonna rain when I was nine my mom gave me this bedazzler and I festooned all the back pockets of my blue jeans with these beautiful metal studs and I would wear them every day until the big lightning storm of 82 and ever since then every time it's gonna rain I get a tingling sensation in this area here you were struck by lightning there's the missing piece of the puzzle this weekend there's a high pressure system over Texas which means it is gonna be smoking hot [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] there's gonna be heavy winds [Laughter] but beware something's tingling my special super but rahmanir tells me that this weekend it is gonna rain [Applause] so what do you guys think you would not believe the stuff I pulled on mom okay like faking her signature on my report card really you were never afraid of your mother no wait you see these earrings hers I liked him so she was sleeping on the couch one night and I just stole them right off of her you know we are never gonna find this list in the dark oh thanks will you hold this pillow over my face until I stop twitching we gave you the truck to give to Kira but you didn't want to give her anything so after she opened it you took it from her and smashed it into the cake that was the last day Kira Kratt van are you sleeping with your eyes open again you know mrs. H when you shoot bb's at a Buick some are gonna bounce off ping ping ping but eventually one is gonna sneak through and hit some class and it's gonna break into a million tiny pieces nobody knows what I go through that Cheyenne texted me again she sent me a price how long ago what is this the goldfish escaped [Applause] [Music] I made a sugar-free brand cake with cottage cheese frosting oh you know it go good with that a hot cup of dirt hi my name is Dan McGann very big money big money gotta get in the zone [Music] we'll sell you a house sir that's not it come on Vance one by one by huh yes these are my natural eyebrow you're gonna make some money off that onion right there buddy here we go you want to smack it go ahead you want to smack it who's that Carol Carol Carol I feel so violated do I look like a doofus to you Here I am NOT a doofus I am NOT a doodoo doofus I can't you ran like it don't look like a doofus to you Kyra scare up here then you have a note taped to your back I know I put it there everybody thinks I'm a big goofball and it's working for me just today some guy at the bus stop shattered hey doofus he's the doofus I didn't need a doctor to tell me that this was a boy I think it's pretty obvious the Acorn doesn't fall far from the tree no matter what he does or doesn't do we will love him just the same oh please don't give the gay speech right now she promised me that if she ever had a boy she named him Brock what there he is hello little Rocky suddenly the gay speech doesn't sound so bad Brock it's ridiculous it sounds like a guy who had too many beers Brock my momma used to mix egg salad with potato salad she called the egg tater salad and then sometimes she put potato chips in her tuna and she'd make the tuna salad it's okay it's his middle name unroll rock n'roll badger what badger that's what your name means mr. H that freaky looking animal with long claws you're a badger mr. H I forgive you do you crazy old badger my badger and Matt Sacagawea you know she's just warm in the gestures and you know you just speared human you know [Applause] you know all right listen to me that was atrocious that was like watching a weather report on a cruise ship you have ruined weather simply dreadful no please you know just don't even listen to him he's English okay see it just it was so good okay the lightning you know keep your voice down that kid is the Bears what is an orange manatee doing in my shower oh yeah I knew there was something I was supposed to tell you dad's in your shower well then call SeaWorld he's going back you can take my team you can take my job but you can never ever take my dignity [Laughter] why do you keep saying I'm too intense here we go here we go get it going get it going no no no no no no no come on baby kick it kick it [Applause] [Applause] [Music] here we go here we go get it going get it going oh no no no no come on baby what are you doing [Applause] the point convention what are you doing [Laughter] [Music] I'm really relaxed if you take that tie off you are gonna be in big trouble really yeah big trouble Oh do not test your ego under time shows Barbra Jean oh god I'm so turned on [Applause] you're not buying a vibrating chair why not Cheyenne [Music] that's spot chair it's serious [Music] Oh [Music] oh right no this is not gonna work out why not because this is the most uncomfortable couch I've ever sat it let's just flip for it okay no all right Wayne to pick our furniture or do rock-paper-scissors Rochambeau van okay I'm thinking of a number this parenting stuff is certainly not for sissies that's changing in some states even when she's not there it's like she's there she's like a voice in my head constantly nagging at me okay enough already we're gonna be okay because we got red in our head new idea talking Reba doll that is not gonna work okay all right knock it off no it's funny if you think about it you're our Barbra Jean one of these days you're gonna miss me when I go well get this through your thick skull I am NOT there Barbra Jean come only in in that the kind of thing that Barbra Jean would do no Barbra Jean sad or pouting and being all sarcastic I'll just pop over there say hi to her yeah cuz that's Barbra Jean would do come home well that's funny see how God works let's take a blue out of filling oh no it's a piece of chicken your mom just doesn't see us as the adults we've become we're growing up Cheyenne we're homeowners I think we can take care of ourselves yeah she's a little overprotective I mean you know we're doing yeah that year you got surely check it out yeah I turn it on high to get hey guys everything let's take a fire but what Oh fire you know what there was a fire a little tiny teeny fire but you know what it was practically a spark thank you stop oh my God look at that God it stinks in here I kind of like it reminds me of my grandpa he's a pyromaniac what the heck happened oh yeah what's with all these questions what am i a trial you caused the fire oh yeah blame it on me I caused the fire yes I caused the flower we're responsible oh no no no no no not we you you were responsible he tried to fix the heater with a butter knife and a buck well it's your fault too oh cool I'm cold put on a jacket yeah I said oh yeah I'm chilly why don't you ignite the house alright guys just calm down it's not that big of a deal your mom agrees with me Oh zip it Sparky you don't want to say something now that you might regret later like that make sure to grab my lighter Oh just try I'm just trying to make a little joke cuz it's just this I've been breathing smoke all day I'm not I'm very emotional the washers broken do you have your magic better night [Laughter] once again you've won an argument with your wit I'm not laughing at you six years ago this family was falling apart and then I came in and I just put everything back together Barbra Jean that's not exactly the way I'd put it brought our machines right we got through it all because we're survivors [Music]

Channel: annamarievids2

Views: 3,913,679

Rating: 4.4447918 out of 5

Keywords: Reba, Best Of, Clips, Montage, Reba McEntire, Brock, Cheyenne, Kyra, Jake, Hart, Barbra Jean, Booker, Van, Montgomery, Christopher Rich, Joanna Garcia Swisher, Scarlett Pomers, Mitch Holleman, Melissa Peterman, Steve Howey

Id: Z8aVpjLl4Fk

Length: 227min 13sec (13633 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 20 2020