Steve: LAURA, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M FINE. Steve: YEAH, YOUR LITTLE LINE DANCER. >> I'M FINE. Steve: YOU'RE ALL RIGHT WITH YOUR JAZZY SELF. >> AH, YEAH. Steve: OK, NAME A KIND OF DOG THAT MAKES A BURGLAR THINK TWICE ABOUT ROBBING YOUR HOUSE. >> A CHIHUAHUA. HA HA HA HA HA! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. [IMITATING CHIHUAHUA] GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: JUST--THEY'RE GOING TO [INDISTINCT], HUH? YOU KNOW YOUR JOB, DON'T YOU, FREDDIE? >> YES, SIR. Steve: YOUR JOB IS TO SUPPORT HER, NO MATTER WHAT. >> THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL... [LAUGHTER] Steve: AIN'T A PERSON IN AMERICA EXPECTING THAT TO BE UP THERE. >> OH, GOODNESS. Steve: THE VICIOUS CHIHUAHUA. YEAH. HEY, UH, YEAH, THERE YOU GO. GET YOUR HAIR OUT OF THE WAY 'CAUSE I WAS JUST GONNA CALL YOU LYNN. >> YOU CAN CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT. Steve: OH. [AUDIENCE TITTERS] Steve: HOW OLD ARE YOU, KATE? >> I'M 21. Steve: YEAH. THEN I CAN'T CALL YOU ANYTHING. [LAUGHTER] Steve: NO, NO. MR. HARVEY IS 53, VERY HAPPY, AND I'M GONNA LEAVE THAT WAY. >> ALL RIGHT, GOOD. Steve: MY WIFE WILL KILL THE BOTH OF US. HA HA. HELL, YES. NAME A WAY YOU CAN MAKE BATHING A SEXY EXPERIENCE. >> STEVE, YOU CAN MAKE LOVE WHILE YOU'RE BATHING. Steve: YOU DO REALIZE AT THAT MOMENT THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER BATHING. DOING IT IN THE BATHTUB! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> SHAWN SAID, "THAT'S MY BABY!" Steve: INGRA, HOW YOU DOIN'? >> I'M GOOD, STEVE. Steve: I LOVE YOUR PERSONALITY. >> THANK YOU, STEVE. Steve: YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED. >> I SHOULD--STEVE! Steve: YOU--YOU REALLY SHOULD. >> I'M TELLING YOU, I'M A CATCH! Steve: I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT. YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE. YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL TEETH. YOU HAVE A PRETTY SMILE. >> I DON'T KNOW, STEVE. Steve: HAVE YOU BEEN ENGAGED BEFORE? >> YES, TWICE. Steve: OH. OH, I SEE. YOU'RE CRAZY. >> [LAUGHTER] Steve: IT HAD TO BE SOMETHING. >> IT WAS THEM. AFTER I READ YOUR BOOK AND I TOLD THEM SOMETHING-- Steve: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. >> OH, I'M SORRY. OH, I CAN'T DO THAT-- Steve: DO NOT DRAG MY BOOK INTO THIS MESS. YOU DON'T TAKE THE BOOK AND SIT DOWN WITH YOUR GUY AND GO, "STEVE SAID..." SEE, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID, RIGHT THERE. ALL THAT NECK WAGGIN'. THAT'S WHY YOU AIN'T GOT NO MAN. NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU'VE RUN OUT OF CLEAN UNDERWEAR. >> YOU GET 'EM FROM YOUR WIFE. HER DRAWERS. HER UNDERWEAR. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU WEAR YOUR WIFE'S DRAWERS? >> IF YOU'RE OUT. Steve: YOU SAID YOU WEAR YOUR WIFE'S DRAWERS. THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DIRTY UNDERWEAR. THAT'S A WHOLE 'NOTHER GAME. [LAUGHTER] SHANA SAYS THAT YOU JUST WEAR YOUR WIFE'S DRAWERS. I'M NOT EVEN TURNING AROUND. OK, HI, JESSE, HOW YOU DOING? >> HELLO, HOW ARE YOU DOING? Steve: I'M HAPPILY MARRIED AND... [LAUGHTER] AND ALSO TRYING TO GO TO HEAVEN. >> WELL, I WANT YOU TO--I AM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. HA HA HA. Steve: THANK YOU. THANK GOD, JESSE. THOSE ARE THINGS I SAY TO MYSELF WHEN I'M IN TREACHEROUS WATERS. >> WE READ YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW. Steve: YOU'RE READING MY MIND? YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE READING MY MIND. >> I HOPE NOT. [LAUGHTER] Steve: LET'S HOPE TO GOD YOU AIN'T READING MY MIND. HA HA. [LAUGHTER] MATTER OF FACT, I'M KIND OF HOPING THAT THE LORD AIN'T LISTENING RIGHT NOW. >> OH, NO. AT WHAT AGE DOES A MAN NO LONGER HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FOOL AROUND? >> 45. I ASKED YOU--I SAID AT WHAT AGE DOES A MAN NO LONGER HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FOOL AROUND? YOU CRUSHED ME. >> OH, YEAH. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU SAID...45. AHEM, THE SURVEY SAID... [BUZZER] AT WHAT AGE DOES A MAN NO LONGER HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FOOL AROUND? >> 39. THIS FAMILY HERE, BOY, I'LL TELL YOU...YOU GOT A DIM VIEW OF OLDER MEN. LET'S START THAT RIGHT NOW. [LAUGHTER] I ASKED YOU, AT WHAT AGE DOES A MAN NO LONGER HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FOOL AROUND? YOU SAID... 39! [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE THAT'S COMING INTO YOUR CLUB? [LAUGHTER] SURVEY SAID... [BUZZER] >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: THE NUMBER-ONE ANSWER IS 100. [LAUGHTER] >> WHOO! Steve: BECAUSE REGARDLESS AS TO WHAT YOU AND YOUR SISTER THINK, WE STILL WANT IT. [LAUGHTER] WE ASKED 100 MARRIED WOMEN, NAME SOMEONE WHO COMES TO YOUR DOOR THAT YOU MIGHT BE TEMPTED TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH. >> HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND. Steve: YOUR HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND? [LAUGHTER] Steve: HER HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND. WE'VE ASKED 100 MARRIED WOMEN-- ARE YOU MARRIED? >> NO. Steve: OK--WHOA. "NO! NO, MR. STUPID HOST. YOU THINK I'M GONNA GIVE UP ALL THIS TO SOME ONE GUY?" I'M SORRY. JUST THOUGHT YOU-- I'M SORRY. WE JUST--WELL, WE ASKED 100 VERY OLD MARRIED WOMEN TO NAME SOMEONE WHO COMES TO YOUR DOOR THAT YOU MIGHT BE TEMPTED TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH. >> THE TAXI DRIVER. Steve: THE TAXI DRIVER. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: I'VE BEEN IN A LOT OF TAXIS IN MY DAY. THESE ARE NOT THE HOTTEST-LOOKING MEN. THAT SMOKING HOT TAXI DRIVER. IT'S GONNA BE A LITTLE BIT TOUGHER THIS TIME, OK, SO WE'RE GONNA GIVE YOU 25 SECONDS, OK? ALL RIGHT, LET'S TURN AROUND. >> CAN I RUB YOUR HEAD FOR GOOD LUCK? Steve: CAN YOU RUB MY HEAD FOR GOOD LUCK? I DON'T-- >> PLEASE? Steve: MA’AM? >> OK. OK. MY MOTHER ASKED ME TO. Steve: GO AHEAD. ON THE BACK. ON THE BACK. [LAUGHTER] >> OK. [CHEERING] Steve: YOU KNOW, YOUR FINGERS KIND OF WENT DOWN MY NECK A LITTLE BIT. >> YOU LIKE THAT? Steve: YEAH. >> OH. 1 YEAH, I LIKED THAT. MY WIFE GONNA SHOOT YOU. [LAUGHTER] >> SORRY. Steve: NO, YOU'RE NOT SORRY. Steve: NAME A SEXY FOOD YOU PUT ON YOUR MATE'S BODY WHEN YOU'RE FOOLING AROUND. >> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY A LIQUEUR. A LIQUEUR. Steve: A LIQUEUR. >> YEAH, LIKE A LIQUOR. Steve: OH, LIQUOR. OH, I--EXCUSE ME. >> HA HA! Steve: THE BLACK GUY'S NOT FRENCH. I'M SORRY. [LAUGHTER] Steve: A LIQUEUR. OH, LIQUOR! OH, OK. LIQUOR. A LIQUEUR. I'M A TELL YOU ONE THING, THOUGH, HIGH 5, DENNIS. HA HA! WHIPPED CREAM AND LIQUOR. ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU. NUCLEAR CHEMIST. >> YES. Steve: GOODNESS, THAT'S AMAZING TO ME. HOW? >> HOW? Steve: YEAH, I KNOW. YOU'RE LIKE, "HOW? HOW? HOW STUPID OF A QUESTION? I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME." I TELL JOKES FOR A LIVING, YOU'RE A NUCLEAR CHEMIST. GET IT? NAME A WORD OR PHRASE THAT STARTS WITH POT. >> POT-TATO. Steve: POT-TATO? >> TATO. [LAUGHING] Steve: WHY ARE Y'ALL CLAPPING? >> DOES IT START WITH POT? Steve: YES, MA'AM. YES. YES, MA'AM, IT STARTS WITH POT, BUT WE ALL KNOW, NO ONE SAYS POT-TATO. IT STARTS WITH POT-- YOU KNOW...THE POTOMAC STARTS WITH POT. I'M GONNA JUST START WALKING TOWARDS THE SCOTT FAMILY. >> OK. OK. Steve: NOTHING PERSONAL. JUST WANT TO JUST GET THE JUMP ON IT. LET'S SEE IF IT'S UP THERE! POT-TATO! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> [HYPERVENTILATING] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I'M SO SORRY. >> SEE? AND YOU WERE GONNA WALK AWAY FROM ME. Steve: [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] YOU'RE OLDER. YOU KNOW MORE THAN I DO. FORGIVE ME, PLEASE. >> SHE'S A WISE WOMAN. >> I'M NOT THAT MUCH OLDER. >> PLEASE--I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. BUT I'M SO SORRY. OH, MY GOODNESS. OH, MAN. NAME SOMETHING WOMEN BUY TO BRING OUT THE ANIMAL IN A MAN. >> HOW ABOUT A STRIPPER POLE? [APPLAUSE] ISN'T THAT A GOOD ANSWER? >> GOOD ANSWER. >> ISN'T THAT A GOOD ANSWER? Steve: THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER? >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: YEAH. WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE SCOTT HOUSE? MY. THE WIFE SAID, "THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER." STRIPPER POLE. >> THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: JUST FIRED THAT OUT ON NATIONAL TV. WELL...LOOKING FOR THE STRIPPER POLE. TELL ME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT GIVE A NICKNAME TO. >> HIS...PRIVATES. [APPLAUSE] Steve: LOOK AT HERE. “FAMILY FEUD.” >> I UNDERSTAND. Steve: WE'RE TRYING TO STAY ON THE AIR. 40 YEARS, THIS SHOW BEEN ON TV. HERE YOU COME, MR. SEXY, AND YOU WAIT TILL I BECOME THE HOST. LET'S SEE IF YOUR PRIVATE PARTS ARE ON THE BOARD. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> YEAH. Steve: OBVIOUSLY, THIS ISN'T THE SHOW I THOUGHT IT WAS. NAME SOMEONE A MAN MIGHT ADMIT TO THAT HE'S CHEATING ON HIS WIFE? >> I'M GONNA THINK A LITTLE BIT OUTSIDE THE BOX AND I'M GONNA SAY HIS WIFE. >> YEAH. Steve: HE'D TELL HIS WIFE. >> HE COMES CLEAN. HE COMES CLEAN. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> COMES CLEAN. >> THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: TELL HER BEFORE SHE FINDS OUT. >> ...SHE FINDS OUT, THAT'S A GONER. THAT'S IT. Steve: GUY CAN WALK IN THE HOUSE AND-- >> BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHE WILL FIND OUT. Steve: I DON'T CARE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: I'M SORRY. THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME. I'M SORRY. >> WHOO! Steve: HIS WIFE! [BUZZER] Audience: OH! Steve: NAME THE AGE WHEN A MAN’S PHYSIQUE IS BEST. >> 35. I ASKED YOU TO NAME THE AGE WHEN A MAN'S PHYSIQUE IS THE BEST. YOU GAVE ME HOPE WITH THIS ANSWER. YOU SAID...35. SURVEY SAID...5. IT'S STARTING TO BE OVER RIGHT AROUND THERE, TOBY, YEAH. IT STARTS GOING DOWNHILL. YEAH. IT'S OK. BUT NICE--GOOD ANSWER. THAT WAS CUTE. >> HOW OLD ARE YOU? Steve: I'M 53. YOU REVERSE THAT, THAT'S WHAT MADE ME-- >> THAT'S WHERE I GOT-- Steve: YEAH, I KNOW, BUT ALL THIS SEXINESS--I KNOW. I'M SORRY. I CAN SEE IT. I KNOW IT. >> IT THREW ME OFF. Steve: YEAH, I KNOW, BUT-- YOU WANT ME TO STOP TOUCHING YOU? >> NO. Steve: OK, LET'S GO. [LAUGHTER] ROBIN, HOW ARE YOU? >> I'M DOING FABULOUS. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> WELL, I'M A TRANSPORTATION SUPERVISOR OF THE LITTLE YELLOW BUSES AND THE BIG BUSES ALL OVER TOWN. Steve: HEY. THAT'S AMAZING. YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME BECAUSE I'M NOT THE GUY FOR THAT JOB. "SIT DOWN IN BACK!" >> I'LL REMEMBER THAT. NAME SOMEONE A MAN WOULD BE SHOCKED TO SEE POP OUT OF A CAKE AT HIS BACHELOR PARTY. WELL, I'M THINKING HIS SISTER. Steve: MAN. WOW. AND IF YOU KNEW MY SISTERS, THIS CANNOT HAPPEN. MY SISTER'S 75, AND SHE'S SAVED. >> OK. ALL RIGHT. Steve: SHE POP OUT OF A CAKE, WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL. YOUR SISTER! FAMILY, GET READY TO STEAL. BRANDY, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? NAME A SUPERMODEL WHO'S SUPERRICH. >> MICHELLE BUNDCHEN. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: OH, YEAH. MICHELLE--WHOEVER SHE SAYS. I DON'T KNOW. MICHELLE BOOTY. WHAT'S HER NAME? HEY. I DIDN'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. WHAT ARE YOU MAD AT ME FOR? HEY, HOWARD FAMILY, THEY GOT TWO STRIKES. NO, DON'T DO THAT. YOU'RE AL ROKER. [LAUGHTER] AL ROKER DOESN'T GIVE THE "KILL YOU" SIGN. YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WEATHER, MELTON? MELTON, I'M TALKING TO YOU. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE WEATHER? >> DO I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE WEATHER? Steve: YEAH. >> IT'S COLD OUTSIDE. Steve: SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT. >> IT'S NOT REALLY A THREATENING THING. THAT'S JUST HIS THING. NAME A HOUSEHOLD CHORE YOU'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR WIFE DO IN THE NUDE. >> THE KITCHEN FLOOR. MOP THE KITCHEN FLOOR. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! >> THAT'S MY HUSBAND DOWN THERE. Steve: OH, THAT'S YOUR HUSBAND DOWN THERE. >> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S MY HUSBAND. Steve: OH, AND YOU THINK... >> MOP THE KITCHEN FLOOR. Steve: OH, HE'D LOVE TO SEE YOU MOPPING THE KITCHEN FLOOR. >> MOP THE KITCHEN FLOOR. YOU GOT TO MOP THE KITCHEN FLOOR. Steve: YOU GOT TO--YOU GOT TO DO WHAT? >> MOP THE KITCHEN FLOOR. Steve: YOU GOT TO MOP... >> MOP THE KITCHEN. MOP. YAY! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] Steve: I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YA, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CHORE IS, WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU NAKED DOING IT. MOPPING THE KITCHEN FLOOR. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] MOPPING. HEY, MELODY HOW YOU MOPPING. HEY, MELODY HOW YOU DOING? >> HI. Steve: WE ASKED 100 MARRIED MEN, NAME A HOUSEHOLD CHORE YOU'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR WIFE DO IN THE NUDE. >> MAKE UP THE BED. Steve: MAKE UP THE BED. >> OH, THAT'S GOOD. GOOD, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: DO YOU HAVE A MOTION THAT GOES WITH THAT? >> NO. Steve: YOU DON'T HAVE A MOTION? >> NO. Steve: OH, YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU ONE? [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> OK. >> THAT'S GOOD. >> THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, OK. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: LET'S SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. MAKING UP THE BED. [BUZZER] NAME SOMEONE A MAN MIGHT NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT HE USES VIAGRA. >> I WOULD SAY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >> ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. ALL RIGHT. [APPLAUSE] I WANTED TO SAY YOU, BUT I SORT OF STEERED AWAY FROM THAT. [LAUGHING] Steve: DIRK IS LOOKING FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. [BUZZER] Audience: AW! Steve: YOU KNOW WHAT KILLS ME, THOUGH? WHEN THE AUDIENCE GOES, "AW!" LIKE YOU THOUGHT IT HAD A SHOT! NAME S--OK, LET'S RIP THAT UP. THAT WOULD BE READING THE SAME QUESTION. >> AND IT'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, JUST SO YOU KNOW. Steve: AND THE PRESIDENT--HA HA HA. AND THAT WAS, BY FAR, THE SUCKIEST ANSWER SINCE I'VE BEEN THE HOST. WHO THE HELL DO YOU KNOW EVEN KNOWS THE PRESIDENT? >> I WAS SAVING THE ANSWERS FOR MY TEAM. Steve: HE GOT 2 WARS, A BAD ECONOMY, AN OIL SPILL--HE AIN'T WORRIED ABOUT YOU USING NO VIAGRA. WHEN IT COMES TO DIVORCE SETTLEMENTS, NAME A FAMOUS MAN WHOSE EX-WIFE YOU'D LOVE TO BE. >> I'M DRAWING A BLANK, BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY STEVE HARVEY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YOU'RE MY MAN. YOU'RE MY MAN. Steve: I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TAKE THAT RIGHT NOW. OW! STEVE HARVEY! Audience: AW! Steve: OH, THANK YOU, GOD. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] OK. Steve: WHOO-HOO! I'M GIVING AWAY A CAR, I'M GONNA GET NAKED. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YEAH. I'M TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF. >> IF I WIN A CAR, I MIGHT DO THE SAME THING. Steve: IF YOU WIN IN A CAR, YOU MIGHT DO THE SAME THING? WELL, DIRK MIGHT NOT REALLY WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, BUT-- JUST KNOW THAT THE HOST WILL BE CHEERING FOR YOU. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. NAME SOMETHING THAT MAKES A KISS GREAT. STACEY? >> THE TONGUE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: THE TONGUE! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU ONLY NEED 24 POINTS. FOR THE WIN, I ASKED YOU TO NAME SOMETHING SPECIFIC THAT STRAYS. YOU SAID A CAT. CAT WAS THE NUMBER ONE ANSWER. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> WE WON THE MONEY! Steve: SURVEY SAID... >> WE WON THE MONEY! Steve: YOU GOT IT! >> YOU GOT THE MONEY, YES! Steve: CONGRATULATIONS! YEAH, YOU GOT THE MONEY. A BIG DAY... [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] THEY'VE GOT A 5-DAY TOTAL... $41,375! THEY'RE TAKIN' HOME A BRAND-NEW CAR! I DON'T CARE WHAT'S HAPPENED! WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME. 2 BRAND-NEW TEAMS ARE PLAYING THE "FEUD." I'M STEVE HARVEY. I'M KILLIN'! I'M KILLIN'. OH, MAN, I'M KILLIN'. HEY, TERRY, HOW YOU DOIN'? >> I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD. Steve: NICE TO MEET YOU. >> NICE TO MEET YOU. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I WORK--SELL NEW HOMES IN AN ACTIVE ADULT COMMUNITY, HERE IN CENTRAL FLORIDA. Steve: WHAT DOES...? >> 55 AND UP. >> 55 AND UP. Steve: OH, ACTIVE. OH...OH, OH, LIKE...OH, 55...OH, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL THEM NOW? ACTIVE. >> ACTIVE ADULT COMMUNITY. Steve: OH, THEY DON'T DO SENIOR CITIZENS? >> NO, NO. Steve: THEY JUST CALL THEM ACTIVE ADULTS? >> MM-HMM. YES. Steve: SUPPOSE THEY'RE JUST SITTING ON THE PORCH? >> THEY COULD BE ACTIVELY ROCKING. Steve: ROCKING IS AN ACTIVITY? >> SURE. Steve: OK, WOW. STARTS AT 55? >> MM-HMM. YES. >> YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE. Steve: I'M 2 YEARS AWAY FROM A RETIREMENT HOME. [APPLAUSE] WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE? NORM? >> STEVE HARVEY. Steve: MAN, NICE TO MEET YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I WORK AT THE BEST GOLF COURSE IN THE GREATER ORLANDO AREA. Steve: WHAT COURSE? >> THE RITZ-CARLTON. Steve: YES! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I'M GONNA BE PLAYING AT THE RITZ! YES! >> WHATEVER YOU WANT. Steve: MY MAN, YES! OH, THANK YOU, GOD! Steve: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU SAW A CO-WORKER SLEEPING ON THE JOB? >> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY LAY DOWN NEXT TO THEM. TAKE A LITTLE NAP. >> GOOD ANSWER, JEFF! GOOD ANSWER! >> GOOD ANSWER! >> HA HA HA! Steve: I'M GONNA--I'M GONNA JUST HEAD ON OVER THAT WAY. I WOULD LAY DOWN NEXT TO THEM. >> THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. HA HA. NICE SHOES. >> THANK YOU. Steve: NICE SHOES. MY WIFE IS A SHOE GIRL. >> SO AM I. Steve: YEAH. MOST WOMEN ARE. I'VE DISCOVERED THAT. GOD, THE SHOES SHE HAS. HEY. ANYWAY, NINA, YOU HAVE NI--WOW! YOU DO HAVE NICE SHOES. YOU KNOW, I JUST--NO. I WAS JUST GONNA THROW IT OUT SINCE I DID HER, BUT THEN I WENT, "WOW!" HEY, HEY, HEY! HIGH-5! IT'S OK. ALL RIGHT. AIN'T NO HATE HERE. I SAW THAT LITTLE LOOK ON YOUR FACE. "SHE THE ONLY ONE GOT NICE SHOES ON?" I JUST WENT, "OK. HERE COME THAT MOMENT YOU GONNA GET, SHE THE ONLY ONE GOT NICE SHOES ON? NO. YOU GOT NICE SHOES, TOO." TELL ME ANOTHER WORD FOR BEING DRUNK. >> UM, INE--INEBLIATED? Steve: INEBRIATED. YEAH, I GOT IT, AND I'M NOT THE ONE TO CORRECT ANYBODY, BUT YOU WERE DOING LIKE THIS: "INEBLIATE." >> YEAH. Steve: SEE, SOMETIMES WHEN I HAVE THAT TROUBLE BECAUSE OF THE SIZE OF MY LIPS... >> OK. Steve: ONCE I LICK 'EM, I CAN COME THROUGH. IF I DON'T LICK THESE PUPPIES, "INEBLI--INEB--" >> THERE YOU GO. Steve: INEBLI--INEBLI--INEBLI-- INEBRIATED. THERE IT IS. >> THANK YOU. Steve: LET'S LOOK FOR INEBRIATED! ABE, NAME SOMETHING THAT GETS HARD WHEN IT GETS COLD. >> HOW ABOUT...NIPPLES? [LAUGHTER] IT'S GOT TO BE UP THERE. I HAD TO GO THERE. I--I HAD TO. IT'S WHAT I THOUGHT OF. Steve: I KNOW, ABE. I KNOW. I KNOW IT'S TRUE, ABE, BUT-- >> YEAH. Steve: I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP THIS SHOW TOGETHER FOR A SEASON. JUST ONE. YOU KNOW, JUST LET ME GET A SEASON IN, ABE. NIPPLES. OH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> ALL RIGHT. THAT'S MY SON THERE. Steve: YEAH, I KNOW THAT'S YOUR SON. I KNOW IT'S YOUR SON. [LAUGHTER] THANKS FOR BRINGING HIM, TOO. Steve: PAM, I DIDN'T ASK YOU WHAT YOU DID, HAVE I? WHAT DO YOU DO? >> FLY HOMING PIGEONS. >> WHOO! ALL RIGHT, PAM! [APPLAUSE] Steve: HOW DO YOU--HOW DO YOU DO--I DON'T UNDERSTAND. >> YOU TAKE 'EM AWAY AND THEY FLY HOME. Steve: OH. HA! I THOUGHT YOU MEANT YOU GOT ON THEIR BACK. [LAUGHTER] GIVE ME GIGI, GIVE ME PENNY. LET'S PLAY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YOU'RE JUST CELEBRATING AND IT'S YOUR TURN. >> I'M SORRY. Steve: COME ON. >> OK. Steve: GIGI'S OUT HERE WAITING. >> I'M SORRY, GIGI. >> IT'S OK. Steve: WE'RE ON TV. THIS IS A SHOW. THESE PEOPLE GOT JOBS AND STUFF. YOU KNOW, THERE'S ANOTHER SHOW THAT COMES ON RIGHT AFTER THIS. NAME A GRIPE A WOMAN MIGHT HAVE ABOUT HER COMPUTER THAT SHE'D ALSO HAVE ABOUT HER MAN. KRISTY? >> IT SLEEPS TOO MUCH. Steve: SLEEPS TOO--WOW. SLEEPS TOO MUCH! OH. GAVIN? >> IT WON'T TURN ON? Steve: IT WON'T TURN ON. I KNOW THAT LITTLE PLAYA PLAYA! HA HA HA. WORK YOUR MONEY, GAV. YEAH, IT DON'T DO NOTHING FOR ME. IT WON'T TURN ON! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NAME THE AGE WHEN PEOPLE’S SEX DRIVE DWINDLES. >> 18. STEVE: NAME A BUTTON YOU... FIND ON A VIDEO CAMERA. NAME THE AGE... WHEN PEOPLE'S SEX DRIVE JUST DWINDLES. I MEAN, JUST FALLS OFF THE SHELF. THEY'RE DOWN TO NOTHING. YOU SAID...18. THIS KID'S BEEN BUSY. SURVEY SAID... >> YAY! NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE SELL ON THE STREET. >> WHAT’S UP. AND THEN I SAID NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE SELL ON THE STREET. YOU SAID...WHAT'S UP. I GOT WHAT YOU NEED, WHAT'S UP? LET ME HAVE 4 OF 'EM. 4 WHAT'S UPS! GIVE ME 5 WHAT'S UPS IN THE BACK! SURVEY SAID... NAME A CARD GAME THAT MIGHT DESCRIBE A WOMAN'S LOVE. ROGER. >> 21. [APPLAUSE] Steve: OK, PLAYER. 21. Audience: OH! Steve: ROBERT? >> POKER. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WELL, YOU HAVE TO SAY IT A LITTLE FASTER. ONCE YOU SLOW IT DOWN, IT'S SOMETHING ELSE. POKER. Steve: KAREN, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING WONDERFUL, STEVE. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> WELL, UNTIL A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, BEFORE ROGER FIRED ME, I WAS WORKING WITH HIM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: HE FIRED YOU? >> YES. Steve: AND HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU, ROGER? [LAUGHTER] GREAT IDEA WHEN YOU PLAYED THE BIG BOSS, WASN'T IT? >> I CAN GO HOME NOW. [LAUGHTER] Steve: SO WHERE YOU SLEEPING NOW, ROGER? >> AT THE JOB. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] GIVE ME JENNIFER. GIVE ME RO. LET'S GO. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THAT'S OK. I TALKED TO HER FATHER. HE HAS A GUN. >> OK. OK. Steve: DON'T EVEN GET INTO THAT. HEY, JUNIOR, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD. Steve: HEY, I HEARD YESTERDAY YOU GOT GROUNDED? >> YEAH. Steve: WHY'D YOU GET GROUNDED, JUNIOR? >> GIRLS. [LAUGHTER] YOU GOT GROUNDED FOR GIRLS? [LAUGHTER] WOW. WOW. HEY, DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, MISTER. [LAUGHTER] NAME SOMETHING THAT YOU EAT THAT HAS THE WORD "FRENCH" IN FRONT OF IT. RAINA. >> FRIES. Steve: FRIES. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> PLAY! PLAY! >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. Steve: PASS OR--OK. [LAUGHTER] WAIT TILL I ASK YOU. GET OVER THERE IN YOUR SPACE NOW. OK, I'M SCARED OF YOU. I'M SCARED OF YOU. YOU ARE SCARING ME. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER. [LAUGHTER] JUST ALL UP IN MY FACE--AAH! [GROWLING] HEY, SHERRI. >> HI. Steve: WELL, TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT A CAVEMAN THAT A CAVEWOMAN MIGHT THINK IS SEXY. >> HOW ABOUT HIS CLUB? Steve: HIS CLUB? >> GOOD ANSWER. VERY GOOD ANSWER. Steve: HIS CLUB! HIS BIG CLUB, YEAH. HEH HEH! I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT. NAME SOMEONE WHOSE BREASTS COULD BE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. GAVEN? >> PAMELA ANDERSON. Steve: YEAH, BOY. [LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE] SORRY. PAMELA ANDERSON. GIVE ME A KIND OF BANK THAT DOESN'T DEAL IN MONEY. >> [UNDER BUZZER] SHOE BANK. Steve: SHE SAID THE "SHOE BANK." IT DOESN'T MATTER. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: WE COULD CARVE THAT ANSWER IN MY FOREHEAD. IT AIN'T GONNA BE UP THERE. WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE VERY FABULOUS SHOE BANK. [BUZZER] WHEN A WOMAN GOES ON A SHOPPING SPREE, WHERE DOES SHE HIDE THE PURCHASES FROM HER HUSBAND? >> SOMETIMES SHE TAKES IT OVER TO HER FRIEND'S HOUSE. WHOO! ♪ HER FRIEND'S HOUSE HER FRIEND'S HOUSE HER FRIEND'S-- ♪ Steve: YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN SHE MAKES ME PARTICIPATE BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY BE FEELING IT, BUT THEN SHE GO... ♪ HER FRIEND'S HOUSE ♪ AND THEN I'M ALL... ♪ HER FRIEND'S-- ♪ OVER HER FRIEND'S HOUSE. [BUZZER] OVER THE FRIEND'S-- NAME SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF YOU LAUGH REALLY, REALLY HARD. MEG. >> PEE YOUR PANTS. Steve: PEE YOUR PANTS. WOW. >> WHOO! Steve: A LITTLE BIT OF TEE TEE IN THE PANTS. >> PLAY. PLAY. Steve: YOU WANT TO PASS OR PLAY? >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. THEY SEEM TO KNOW THIS ONE. GO BACK AND GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, DERRICK. AS A STAND-UP, THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY GOAL. >> TO PEE YOUR PANTS? Steve: NO. TO MAKE YOU-- WHY WOULD I WANT TO STAND THERE IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE AND JUST WET MY PANTS? "THIS GROWN MAN JUST STOOD UP THERE AND WET HIS PANTS WHILE HE WAS TALKING." NO. I WANT YOU ALL TO WET YOUR PANTS, BUT-- "OOH, YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WET YOUR PANTS?" NO, NO, NO, MEG. NAME SOMETHING A DEPARTMENT STORE SANTA MIGHT HATE ABOUT HIS JOB. >> THE LITTLE KID PEEING ON HIS LAP. Steve: THE LITTLE KID PEEING ON HIS-- WHAT IS YOU WITH THE PEEING STUFF? THE LITTLE KID PEEING ON THE SANTA'S LAP. WE ASKED 100 WOMEN TO FILL IN THE BLANK. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY-- >> AND I'M GONNA SAY CHILDREN. >> ALL RIGHT. GOOD ANSWER. [TEPID APPLAUSE] >> YOU HAVE TO RECOGNIZE HOW MANY I HAVE. Steve: YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN. YES, YOU CAN. [LAUGHTER] LET'S SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN! [AUDIENCE GROANS] NAME SOMETHING YOU DO AT WORK THAT YOU WOULDN'T WANT YOUR BOSS TO SEE. >> WE'RE GOING WITH SEX, STEVE. Steve: AAH! WHAT?! >> HA HA HA! >> GOOD ANSWER! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [STEVE MOUTHS "SEX?"] Steve: THEY JUST--THEY JUST ON THEY JOB DOIN' THE NASTY! [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] OK. LADY DI. [LAUGHTER] DEE-AYE-OON-DRAY. THERE'S SO MANY--TOO MANY SYLLABLES. MY HEAD IS HURTIN'. >> IT'S HER FAULT. Steve: DEE-AMMA-GUH-EE-LA-GA- WEE-DEE-DA-ABLO... >> DEE-ON-DRA. Steve: DIAUNDRA. OK. HELPED ME OUT. SHE SAW ME STRUGGLING. OK. DIAUNDRA, WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I'M A SUBJECT MATTER EXPERT FOR A TECHNICAL SUPPORT FARM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WELL, WHATEVER YOU ARE, IF YOU THOUGHT YOU HEARD A ROBBER IN YOUR HOME, WHERE WOULD YOU HIDE? >> IN ANOTHER ROOM. Steve: IN ANOTHER ROOM. YES, IT'S SO SAFE. ALL RIGHT. THIS IS GONNA... [SQUEALING INDISTINCTLY] >> GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER! Steve: IN THE OTHER ROOM! NAME AN OCCUPATION IN WHICH YOU'D FIND A LOT OF NEUROTIC PEOPLE. SONYA? >> A STRIP-TEASE DANCER. Steve: STRIP-TEASE DANCER? >> YES. Steve: OK. YEAH. WELL, LET'S SEE. STRIP-TEASE DANCERS. JENNIFER? >> PORN STAR? Steve: A PORN STAR. WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? [LAUGHTER] A PORNO STAR. REALLY? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] REALLY? A PORN STAR IS AN ACTOR? [LAUGHTER] HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A PORNO FLICK BEFORE? IT'S THE WORST-ACTING PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. THEY'RE NOT--OH--CONGRATULATIONS! [LAUGHTER] NAME A BAD PLACE TO LOOK FOR A GOOD HUSBAND. >> UM... I WOULD SAY PRISON. Steve: DON'T THAT AMAZE YOU, THOUGH? WHEN A WOMAN GOES DOWN THERE AND MARRIES A GUY THAT AIN'T EVER GETTING OUT. OH, YEAH, THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER. PRISON. GREG, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I'M A PROJECT MANAGER FOR A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY. I'M MARRIED TO NICOLE FOR 11 YEARS, AND WE HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL KIDS. AND SHE DIDN'T MEET ME IN PRISON. >> NO. HA HA HA HA HA HA. THAT'S GOOD, GREG. I'LL DO THE JOKES FROM NOW ON. THAT'S GOOD, YEAH. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU REALIZED THE BEACH YOU’RE AT IS A NUDE BEACH? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS TO A 16-YEAR-OLD, BUT WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF-- YOU KNOW, STRICTLY HYPOTHETICALLY. >> I WOULDN'T DO IT, BUT MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE WOULD STRIP, TOO. Steve: YEAH. BOY, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. YEAH. BOY, I WAS HOPING YOU SAID THAT. THAT'S WHAT YOUR BROTHER WANTED TO SAY, BUT A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE MAMA DOWN THERE, SO... TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF, TOO. Steve: JESSICA, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I'M A STAY-AT-HOME MOM TO TWO KIDS. XAVIER IS 3, AND ADDISON IS 3 MONTHS. Steve: OK. HEY, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU LADIES ARE BUSY. WHEN YOU’RE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, PLEASE, I RESPECT THAT TO THE HIGHEST 'CAUSE I'VE STAYED HOME WITH MY KIDS BEFORE. I WOULD RATHER BE DRIVING NAILS INTO MY OWN HANDS... >> I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT. Steve: THAN STAY AT HOME WITH MY KIDS. NAME SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE A FOOT LONG. >> HOW ABOUT A DOG'S LEASH? >> GOOD ANSWER. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOUR DOG'S LEASH. [AUDIENCE GROANS] Steve: NAME SOMETHING YOUR BODY HAS THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "L." >> LICE. [BUZZ] >> LICE. Steve: LICE. OH. [APPLAUSE] >> OH. OH, MY GOD. Steve: DON'T TELL ME. >> I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT, OK. Steve: I KNOW. YOU CAN'T HELP-- WELL, LET'S TURN AROUND 'CAUSE IT'S OK. YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A PARTNER HERE. JUST RELAX, OK? I'M JUST, YOU KNOW... [LAUGHTER] Steve: LICE. I'M TRYING TO GET-- AHEM. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. THEN I SAID NAME SOMETHING YOUR BODY HAS THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "L." YOU REMINDED EVERYONE THAT WE ALL SOMETIMES ARE FACED WITH--THE SURVEY-- THOSE LICE! SURVEY SAID... [BUZZ] [AUDIENCE GROANS] NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE PRACTICE DOING IN A SEXY WAY. >> HOW ABOUT EATING? >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: SHOW ME--SHOW ME THAT AGAIN. >> SEE? Steve: YEAH. OH, YEAH, THAT'S HOT. THAT IS HOT. THAT'S HOT. I'LL BET THEY JUST SITTING AT THAT TABLE LOOKING AT YOU JUST WIPING THEIR MOUTH, HUH? "OOH, THIS MAN, THE WAY HE--OH, THE WAY HE WRAPPING THAT SPAGHETTI AROUND THAT FORK... OH, LORD, I CAN'T TELL YOU. OH, LOOK HOW HE PUSHED THEM PEAS ON THAT FORK." YOU JUST AN OLD SEXY THING, YOU, TIM. PRACTICE EATING. Steve: HI, JEWEL. >> HI. Steve: HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GOOD. HA HA. Steve: OH, I'M SCARED OF YOUR ANSWERS. OK. LISTEN CAREFULLY. >> OK. Steve: IF YOU WOKE UP DURING SURGERY-- >> OK. Steve: WHAT WOULD YOU HATE TO SEE THE SURGEON HOLDING? >> UM, THOSE THINGS THAT SPIN. YOU KNOW THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE USE TO CUT UP PEOPLE, BUT IT SPINS? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? Steve: NO, I HAVE NO IDEA. >> LIKE THEY CUT LIKE THE TOP OF TREES, WITH LIKE LAWNMOWER THINGS. I'M TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT THE NAME OF IT IS. Steve: WELL, THIS IS THE LONGEST ANSWER. >> I'M SORRY. Steve: OK. THE JUDGES ARE THINKING IT OVER. >> GOOD ANSWER, JEWEL. >> OK. Steve: [MOUTHING WORDS] [IMITATING BUZZING SOUND] >> WHOO! CHRYSTAL, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: LIKE THE WAY YOU GOT YOUR EYE SHADOW GO WITH YOUR TOP. >> YOU SEE THAT? YOU GOTTA COORDINATE. I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA BE HERE. Steve: I SEE YOU. >> NO, I SEE YOU. Steve: [INDISTINCT] >> YOU BETTER DO IT. YOU'VE GOTTA DO IT. Steve: BOY... [INDISTINCT] OK, CHRYSTAL, TELL ME SOMETHING. NAME SOMEONE YOU HOPE NOT TO RUN INTO AT A NUDIST COLONY. >> YOUR MOM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: MAMA! MAMA, WHERE YOUR CLOTHES? PUT YOUR CLOTHES-- MAMA, WHAT IS YOU DOING? MAMA. YOUR MOTHER. WHAT WOULD THEY BE REFERRING TO IF SOMEONE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE "M" WORD? TERRY. >> MONEY. Steve: MONEY! >> REPEAT THE QUESTION, STEVE. Steve: REPEAT THE QUESTION? >> YES, PLEASE. WE CAN'T? OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS THE RULES. Steve: JUST GET ME IN ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE. I TOLD YOU I'M THE NEW HOST. >> PLAY, PLAY, PLAY. Steve: PASS OR PLAY? >> PLAY. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. OK, YOU GO BACK OVER THERE... YOU'RE A GOOD PLAYER. DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT EARLIER? >> YOU DID. Steve: YOU'RE A GOOD PLAYER. WATCH WHAT I TELL YOU. >> YOU'RE A GOOD HOST. Steve: I'M--SAY THAT AGAIN. >> YOU'RE A GOOD HOST, TOO. Steve: THANK YOU. YOU'RE THE FIRST CONT-- THE FIRST CONTESTANT TO SAY THAT. EVERYBODY ELSE IS LOOKING FOR THE OTHER GUY. NAME A PLACE A MAN MIGHT HIDE DIRTY MAGAZINES FROM HIS WIFE. SHEA. >> HIS BASEMENT. Steve: IN THE BASEMENT. [BUZZER] Audience: AWW. Steve: MIKE. >> UNDER THE MATTRESS. Steve: UNDER THE MATTRESS. >> YEAH! YEAH! THAT'S BETTER, AIN'T IT? Steve: THAT'S A LOT BETTER, BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE NUMBER ONE ANSWER, MIKE. WE ASKED 100 MARRIED MEN WHICH OF THE 7 DWARFS DESCRIBES YOUR WIFE IN BED? [LAUGHTER] TERRY. >> THIS IS JUST TO GET UP ON THE BOARD--BASHFUL? Steve: BASHFUL. BASHFUL. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] GWEN. HOW YOU DOIN'? >> GREAT, STEVE. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I AM AN EVENT PLANNER AND AT CHURCH, I AM THE CHOIR DIRECTOR. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> WHOO! [CLAPPING AND STOMPING] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: LOVE THAT! IF YOU WERE FIXING A GIRL UP ON A BLIND DATE WITH DRACULA, NAME SOMETHING POSITIVE YOU MIGHT SAY ABOUT HIM. CINDY? >> HE LOVES WOMEN. Steve: HE LOVES WOMEN. THAT'S TRUE. HE LOVES WOMEN. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: SHAWN? >> HE'S A...GOOD SUCKER? [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM. Steve: [WHISPERING] YOU CAN'T SAY THAT ON TV. >> WELL, THAT DEPENDS WHAT TYPE IT'S-- Steve: [WHISPERING] WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> I'M SORRY. [LAUGHING] Steve: HE'S A GOOD SUCKER! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: MISS PAT. HOW YOU DOIN'? >> OH, STEVE, I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU. Steve: WELL, I'M HAPPY TO MEET YOU, TOO, MISS PAT. >> THANK YOU. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> WE HAVE--ED AND I HAVE 8 CHILDREN AND 19 GRANDCHILDREN. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: WOW. >> A GOOD BREEDER. HA HA HA. Steve: A GOOD BREEDER? >> HA HA HA. Steve: ALL RIGHT. DIDN'T WANT TO GO THERE WITH YOU, MISS PAT. Steve: TELL ME SOMETHING THAT SHRINKS. >> BODY PARTS IN COLD POOLS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> HA HA HA. >> THAT'S MY MAMA. >> THAT'S MY MAMA. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> THAT'S MY MAMA. Steve: YEAH, THAT'S YO' MAMA. BODY PARTS IN COLD POOLS. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WOW, ALL RIGHT. WELL, MAMA DONE SCORED, SO... IF YOU HAVE A BIG ENOUGH CASKET, NAME SOMETHING YOU REALLY CAN TAKE WITH YOU. CHUCK? >> MONEY. Steve: MONEY! Steve: SHERIE? >> A PET. [APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU'RE DEAD, SO YOU'RE GONNA JUST KILL YOUR PET BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT? OH, MY GOODNESS. OH, LET'S HOPE PETER'S NOT WATCHING THIS EPISODE HERE. YOUR DOG! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 2 STRIKES, THOUGH, SHERIE. >> YOUR SPOUSE. >> YEAH! Steve: WHY NOT? DID NOT--DID NOT YOU JUST KILL YOUR DOG? SO WHY NOT KILL YOUR SPOUSE? IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, SHERIE. ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT. IT'S GOTTA BE UP THERE. GO ON, KILL THE SPOUSE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] THIS IS THE MOST DISHEARTENING GAME OF "FEUD" I'VE PLAYED. I'VE ONLY BEEN THE HOST JUST ONE SEASON. YEAH, I'M DOING GREAT, BUT THIS QUESTION IS HURTING ME. NAME A PART OF A WOMAN'S BODY THAT'S USUALLY LARGER THAN A MAN'S. SHERIE? >> THE CHEST. Steve: YES, YEAH. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: THE CHEST. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. STEVE, WE'RE GONNA PLAY. Steve: OH, THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YES. I'M EXCITED. LET'S GET TO THIS ONE RIGHT AWAY. I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THESE ANSWERS. CINDY? >> HA HA HA. Steve: NAME A PART OF A WOMAN'S BODY THAT'S USUALLY LARGER THAN A MAN'S. >> HER BEDONKADONK, DERRIERE, HER BUTT. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! Steve: YOU SCARED ME FOR A MINUTE. I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WAS GOIN' WITH THAT. "HER BEDONKADONK." I WAS GOIN', "OH, GOD..." I DIDN'T KNOW...OK. THE BEDONKADONK! THE THING! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YES! YES, YES. THIS IS MY FAVORITE QUESTION ON THE "FEUD" EVER. >> HER LIPS. >> WHOO! >> YES! YES! Steve: I'M GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, I HAVE YET TO RUN UP INTO THAT SITUATION. IF YOU GOT LIPS BIGGER THAN THESE, IT'S GONNA BE A DISASTER. YOU KNOW, THERE IS A SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH KISSING. I ALMOST KILLED A WOMAN ONE TIME. SMOTHERED THE GIRL HALF TO DEATH. THOSE LIPS! Audience: AW! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: LADIES, HERE WE GO. NAME A PART OF A WOMAN'S BODY THAT'S USUALLY LARGER THAN A MAN'S. >> HER BRAIN. Steve: HEH HEH HEH. >> WHOO-HOO! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YEAH. YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW WHAT WILL REALLY TICK ME OFF? >> IF IT'S UP THERE? Steve: IF IT'S UP THERE, YEAH. AND I CAN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT IT, EITHER, 'CAUSE I'VE--I'VE SEEN IT WORK OUT THAT WAY. HELP US ALL, FATHER. THE BRAIN! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NO STRIKES, ONE ANSWER LEFT, SANDY. >> OH. Steve: NAME A KIND OF STORE YOU BETTER NOT CATCH YOUR TEENAGER IN. >> A STORE THAT SELLS DRUGS. Steve: A STORE THAT SELLS-- >> ILLEGAL DRUGS. Steve: OH. OKAY. [APPLAUSE] [INAUDIBLE] WHAT STORE IS THAT? WHY ARE YOU CLAPPING? YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT UP THERE. Steve: THE STORE THAT SELLS ILLEGAL DRUGS! IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! OH. THESE PLACES DON'T FOOL AND GET HEROIN IN IT, CRACK ALL OVER THE PLACE. THEY JUST IN THERE, JUST SHOPPING! "YOU GET OUT OF HERE, MISTER! YOU GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW. PUT THAT CRACK BACK!" DANIKA, NAME SOMETHING THAT CAN RUIN A KISS. >> TOO MUCH SALIVA. >> OOH, YES. >> [LAUGHTER] Steve: TOO MUCH SALIVA. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I GOTTA TELL YA SOMETHING. HA HA HA. I GOTTA TELL YA. WHOO! I HAD A SLOPPY ONE, ONE TIME, HEY, BOY, I STILL THINK ABOUT IT HERE AND THERE IT IS. SHAKIRA? SO, YOU'RE A NEWLYWED, HUH? >> YES, SIR. Steve: GREAT, GREAT. HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED? >> UH, FOR--SINCE FEBRUARY, ACTUALLY. Steve: WHAT'S HIS NAME? >> LEON. Steve: SAY, HI TO LEON. >> HI, LEON. I LOVE YOU. HA HA HA. Steve: SEE, BETWEEN NOW AND FEBRUARY, ALL THAT'S GOOD. NEXT FEBRUARY WILL BE DIFFERENT. "WHO YOU MARRIED TO? LEON." "HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED?" >> HA HA HA. Steve: "ABOUT A YEAR." I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, IT JUST WANTS TO...SHARIKA? >> SHAKIRA. Steve: SHAKIRA? SHARIKA? LADY...NAME SOMETHING THAT CAN RUIN A KISS. >> A MUSTACHE. [APPLAUSE] >> A LONG MUSTACHE. [LAUGHTER] >> BUT YOURS IS FINE. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: THAT IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER! THE JEALOUS LADY, LOOKING FOR A MUSTACHE! Audience: AW! >> YOURS IS FINE. Steve: NO, NO, NO. OH, DON'T TRY TO FIX IT NOW. NAME SOMETHING THAT A PERSON WITH LONG LEGS MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FIT INTO. >> LONG PANTS. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: READ IT WITH ME. "NAME SOMETHING THAT A PERSON WITH LONG LEGS MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FIT INTO," AND THEN YOU SAID, "LONG PANTS." >> SORRY, STEVE. Steve: AND WHAT'S YOUR JOB AGAIN? SAY YOUR JOB TITLE. >> COME ON, STEVE. Steve: SAY YOUR JOB TITLE! [LAUGHTER] >> I WORK FOR A PROXY SOLICITATION COMPANY. Steve: AND YOU WANT ME, IF I HAVE MUTUAL FUNDS, TO CALL YOU? >> NO. I'LL CALL YOU. Steve: YES, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID. >> I’LL CALL YOU. Steve: I DON'T WANT YOU TO CALL ME IF YOU KEEP TRYING TO PUT LONG-LEGGED PEOPLE INTO LONG PANTS, AND THAT AIN'T THE QUESTION. >> I'M NERVOUS. Steve: I KNOW YOU'RE NERVOUS, BUT YOU'RE A GREAT PLAYER. >> YES. Steve: SO IT MAY COME BACK DOWN TO YOU. SO START THINKING, BECAUSE YOU CANNOT SAY THE SAME THING. OK, WE'RE LOOKING FOR THEM LONG PANTS. [CHEERS] >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! >> STEVE, DO YOU WANT HER PHONE NUMBER? Steve: YOU SHUT UP! TELL ME SOMETHING PEOPLE LIKE TO REPLACE AS SOON AS IT GETS OLD. WANDA. >> YOUR MATE. Steve: YOUR--WOW. [APPLAUSE] Steve: WOW. SHE--YOUR--YOUR MATE. [APPLAUSE] NAME AN EXCUSE A GUY GIVES A GIRL FOR NOT CALLING. SHAREE. >> SHE'S UGLY. HA HA. [APPLAUSE] Steve: UM, I ASKED YOU FOR YOUR NUMBER, BUT I DECIDED NOT TO CALL YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE UGLY. OK, SHE'S UGLY! Steve: WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO GET A BILL COLLECTOR OFF YOUR BACK? >> TELL THEM THE PERSON PASSED AWAY. >> GOOD ANSWER. "SHE DIED." HA HA! Steve: YEAH, YEAH, BUT SEE, IT SAYS GET THE BILL COLLECTOR OFF YOUR BACK. SO YOU ANSWERED, "HELLO, I'M DEAD. HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD PERSON. SORRY I CAN'T MAKE ANY PAYMENTS. ON MY WAY TO HEAVEN. TALK TO YOU LATER. SEE YOU LATER." THEY'RE DEAD. NAME SOMETHING SPECIFIC WHERE YOUR MOTTO IS "THE BIGGER, THE BETTER." KINNZON. >> SEX. [APPLAUSE] Steve: THE 4 KIDS IS WATCHING. SEX! NAME A PLACE THAT MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA FOR A FIRST DATE. YOLANDA? >> A STRIP CLUB. Steve: A STRIP CL... [APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER, YOLANDA. Steve: ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE NOT THE STRIPPER. STRIP CLUB. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: HEH! YOU WANT TO PASS OR PLAY? >> PLAY. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. I DON'T KNOW HOW... WHO ARE THESE 100 PEOPLE? LELAND, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? >> I'M ALL RIGHT. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, MAN? >> I JUST STARTED MY OWN VIDEO PRODUCTION COMPANY. Steve: OK, COOL. >> THAT'S WHY I'M HERE TO GET THIS MONEY. I NEED SOME EQUIPMENT. I NEED SOME EQUIPMENT, MAN. I NEED SOME EQUIPMENT, MAN. Steve: YOU NEED THAT $20,000. >> YES, SIR. Steve: HELP GET SOME EQUIPMENT. >> YES, SIR. Steve: OK, I GOT YOU. I UNDERSTAND. I GOT YOUR BACK. I GOT YOUR BACK. Steve: LELAND. >> I GOT YOUR BACK. UH-HUH. Steve: THIS BOY RIGHT HERE PLAYS THIS GAME. HOW YOU DOING, MAN? >> MAN, I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD. Steve: WE GONNA GET THIS MONEY FOR THIS VIDEO BUSINESS. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR, RIGHT? >> THAT'S THE ONLY THING I'M HERE FOR. Steve: IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH CAMARADERIE WITH THE FAMILY. >> OH, NO. OH, NO. OH, NO. IT'S ABOUT BUSINESS, STRAIGHT BUSINESS. Steve: THIS CAT IS FUNNY TO ME. HE'S PULLING NO PUNCHES. "THIS AIN'T ABOUT FAMILY. LOOK. THIS AIN'T ABOUT CAMARADERIE. THIS IS NOTHING. I NEED MONEY FOR THIS BUSINESS I GOT. I NEED TO BUY SOME MORE CAMERAS." Steve: YEAH, RAE JEAN. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR JAZZY SELF? I SEE YOU, GIRL. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU AIN'T KNOCKING THEM DEAD? >> HA HA HA! I'M A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER DURING THE DAY, AND I'M LOOKING FOR MY FOURTH HUSBAND AT NIGHT. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA HA! THAT'S GRANDMA. Steve: CAN I READ PEOPLE, OR WHAT? WOW, THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD. >> 20,000. COME ON, BABY. Steve: WE NEED THIS, MAN. WE GOT SOME GOOD STUFF. LET'S SEE WHAT WE DID. I ASKED YOU TO NAME SOMETHING A PERSON MIGHT FORGET TO PUT ON IF THEY LEAVE THE HOUSE IN A HURRY. YOU SAID MAKEUP. SURVEY SAID... >> OK. Steve: NUMBER-ONE ANSWER WAS JACKET OR COAT. >> OK. OK. Steve: THEN I SAID, NAME SOMETHING YOU'D NEED TO MAKE A SMOOTHIE. ICE CREAM. SURVEY SAID 23. THE NUMBER-ONE ANSWER WAS FRUIT. I SAID, TELL ME THE AGE WHEN A BOY STARTS GOING THROUGH PUBERTY. YOU SAID 12. SURVEY SAID 34, MAN. THE NUMBER-ONE ANSWER WAS 13. I SAID TO NAME A STATE THAT YOU'RE NOT SURE HOW TO SPELL. YOU SAID VERMONT. SURVEY SAID-- COME ON. [BUZZER] >> MISSISSIPPI, TENNESSEE. Steve: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. NUMBER-ONE ANSWER WAS MASSACHUSETTS. >> OH, DANG IT. Steve: YOU'RE 43 POINTS AWAY. I SAID, NAME A MATERIAL USED TO MAKE SEXY LINGERIE. YOU SAID SILK. 43 POINTS TO GET TO THE MONEY, MAN. SURVEY SAID... >> AAH! Steve: YEAH! GOT YOUR MONEY, BOY! YOU GOT YOUR MONEY, BOY! YOU GOT YOUR MONEY, BOY! YOU GOT YOUR MONEY, BOY! I LOVE THIS GUY. I LOVE THIS GUY, MAN. CONGRATULATIONS. THAT'S A TWO-DAY TOTAL OF $20-- $20,870. OH, MAN, OH, MAN, WHAT A GREAT WIN. WHEN A CELEBRITY IS USING A PUBLIC BATHROOM, NAME SOMETHING HE DOESN'T WANT A FAN COMING UP TO ASK HIM. >> HELP. [LAUGHING] >> GOOD, GOOD. Steve: HEY, "EXCUSE ME, STEVE?" [CHUCKLES] "MY ZIPPER'S STUCK?" ASKING FOR HELP! TELL ME A TRAFFIC SIGN THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR LOVE LIFE. MELTON? >> STOP SIGN. [LAUGHTER] Steve: IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. YOU WIN SOME MORE MONEY, SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN, OK? STOP SIGN! YOU WANT TO PASS OR PLAY? >> PLAY! PLAY! Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY, KATHY. >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. [CROWD CHEERING] Steve: BRANDY, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD. I'M GREAT. Steve: GOOD? I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW. YOU GUYS ARE SOME PRETTY GOOD PLAYERS. SO LET'S GET TO IT. TELL ME A TRAFFIC SIGN THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR LOVE LIFE. >> WELL, I AM A NEWLYWED. SO IT IS GO! YEAH! [APPLAUSE] Steve: "YEAH!" THAT'S THE PART THAT GETS ME. HEY, YOUR LITTLE DAUGHTER DONE GREW UP. NOW SHE'S ON NATIONAL TV. "YEAH!" >> THAT'S RIGHT! Steve: AND YOU HAD TO HEAR THAT, TOO, MELTON. ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. GO? [APPLAUSE] Steve: YVONNE, HOW YOU DOING? >> DOING GOOD. Steve: WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> OK, I ALREADY HAVE TWO KIDS. SO THIS IS OK FOR ME TO SAY. SLIPPERY WHEN WET. [CROWD CHEERS] >> GOOD ANSWER. >> WHOO! >> WHOO! >> WHOO! Steve: STOP IT. STOP IT. WE ARE TRYING TO STAY ON THE AIR. Steve: LITTLE MISS FAST THING OVER HERE. SLIPPERY WHEN IT'S WET. Steve: MELTON, BACK TO YOU. THIS IS GETTING BETTER NOW. >> DEFINITELY A HAZARDOUS ROAD. Steve: THIS GUY, HEY, MAN. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] Steve: IT'S OK. IT'S OK, MELTON. I KNOW. YES. YEAH. YEAH, MELTON. HANG IN THERE. HANG IN THERE. EVEN IF THESE ANSWERS AIN'T UP THERE, YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH NAILING YOUR LOVE LIFE. HAZARDOUS ROAD? Audience: AW! Steve: WELL, LITTLE SEXY BRANDY, YOU CAN SAVE IT FOR THE FAMILY. TWO STRIKES IF IT'S THERE; YOU'RE STILL IN SHAPE. IF NOT, TURK FAMILY, GET READY TO STEAL. BRANDY? >> FOUR-WAY INTERSECTION. Steve: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING AT YOUR HOUSE? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Steve: FOUR-WAY INTERSECTION? Audience: AW! Steve: OK, TURK FAMILY, YOUR CHANCE TO STEAL AND GET ON THE BOARD FIRST. TELL ME A TRAFFIC SIGN THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR LOVE LIFE. >> DO NOT ENTER. Steve: WOW. [APPLAUSE] Steve: THIS IS UGLY. FOR THE POINTS, DO NOT ENTER. ["FAMILY FEUD" THEME PLAYS] Steve: HEY, MELTON, MELTON, MELTON, LET'S PAY ATTENTION HERE. ALL THESE ARE FOR YOU. NUMBER 4? Melton and audience: SLOW. Steve: NUMBER 5? Melton and audience: ONE WAY! Steve: NUMBER 7? Audience: DEAD END. [MELTON LAUGHS] WELL, NAME SOMETHING GRANDMA MIGHT COMPLAIN THAT GRANDPA DOES IN THE NUDE. >> WATCH TV. Steve: WATCHES TV. GRANDPA SITTING UP THERE WATCHING TV NAKED. I LIKE GRANDPA. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YOU KNOW SOMETHING, THOUGH? THAT'S MY GOAL ONE DAY. JUST TO BE THAT OLD AND FREE. I DON'T CARE--I'D ANSWER THE DOORBELL THE SAME WAY. SARAH, NAME AN EXPENSIVE SUPERMARKET FOOD A SHOPLIFTER MIGHT SLIP INTO THEIR PANTS. >> LOBSTER. >> THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: WHY WOULD YOU... WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A LOBSTER AND STICK IT DOWN YOUR PANTS? WHO--WHO--WHO WOULD... LOBSTER. THERE'S NOT A GUY LIVING THAT I KNOW WOULD STICK A LOBSTER IN HIS PANTS. >> MAYBE IF IT'S FROZEN OR SOMETHING. Steve: I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS, AND YOU'RE REALLY NOT STICKING ANYTHING FROZEN IN YOUR PANTS, I PROMISE YOU THAT. MAN, THAT DOES NOT BELONG ON THE BOARD. [CHEERING] Steve: XAVIER. >> HOW YOU DOING? Steve: HOW YOU DOING? >> PRETTY GOOD, PRETTY GOOD. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> WELL, I WORK FOR THE LOCAL SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT DOWN IN JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA. I AM A PROUD HUSBAND AND A PROUD DAD OF A 2-DAY-OLD BABY GIRL. [CHEERING] Steve: TWO DAYS? >> TWO DAYS. Steve: YEAH, BOY. IT'S YOUR FIRST ONE? >> THE VERY FIRST ONE. Steve: YEAH. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT. YEAH. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THEY ARE SO LOVEABLE, AT TIMES. [LAUGHTER] Steve: CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT. HEY, WE ASKED 100 MEN--TELL ME SOMETHING YOU WEAR AROUND THE HOUSE THAT YOU'D NEVER WEAR IN PUBLIC? >> I'M GOING TO SAY A BIKINI. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER! [APPLAUSE] >> NOT ME, STEVE. NOT ME. [LAUGHTER] Steve: DO YOUR THING, PARTNER. [LAUGHTER] Steve: A BIKINI. >> OH. Steve: SABRINA? >> THAT'S IT. Steve: HOW ARE YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING GOOD. Steve: OH, YEAH, YOU'RE A GOSPEL SINGER. >> OH...YES, I AM. Steve: I HEAR IT. YOUR VOICE RESONATES, "I'M A GOSPEL SINGER." >> OOH, YES. THANK YOU. Steve: ♪ I KNOW FOR SURE [LAUGHTER] Steve: HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT >> YEAH! [AUDIENCE CLAPS RHYTHMICALLY] Both: I KNOW FOR SURE >> YEAH Both: HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT >> YES, SIR >> HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT Steve: I KNOW FOR SURE >> I KNOW FOR SURE Steve: HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT >> IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT Steve: AND IF HE AIN'T >> YEAH! Steve: I GUESS I WILL [LAUGHTER] Steve: MMM MMM MMM MMM >> HEY! Steve: MMM MMM MMM MMM >> MMM MMM MMM MMM ♪ Steve: SEE, NOW? THAT'S AUTOMATIC. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] Steve: TYRAH? >> YES, TYRAH. Steve: OK. WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO? >> WILSON HIGH SCHOOL IN JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA. >> WHOO! >> HOME OF THE WOLF PACK. Steve: ALL RIGHT. [APPLAUSE] Steve: WE ASKED 100 MEN--TELL MEN SOMETHING--OH, JEEZ. AHEM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THEY ASKED 100 MEN. I DIDN'T TALK TO 100 MEN. THEY ASKED 100 MEN--TELL ME SOMETHING YOU WEAR AROUND THE HOUSE THAT YOU'D NEVER WEAR IN PUBLIC. >> UM, CONDOMS? [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! >> GOOD ANSWER! >> WHOO! [LAUGHTER] Steve: WELL, LET'S SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. CONDOMS. NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE ASK YOU TO SMELL. >> UNDERWEAR. [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. IT'S YOUR DAD. YEAH. YEAH, DADDY SURPRISED YOU WITH THIS. >> I DON'T SMELL THEM. Steve: I KNOW. I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT HE WANTS YOU TO, THOUGH. >> MY GOD. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THAT'S--THAT'S WHAT'S REALLY TRICKY ABOUT THIS ANSWER HERE. SMELL MY UNDERWEAR. Steve: VIOLET, HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M WONDERFUL. Steve: NBA REF. ONLY FEMALE NBA REF. >> 13 YEARS NOW. Steve: I'VE SEEN YOU. YOU DO A GREAT JOB. >> THANK YOU. Steve: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY FEARLESS. >> WONDERFUL. Steve: NO, REALLY. I WAS WATCHING YOU GOING, "THIS WOMAN REALLY--" YOU'RE MAKING THE CALLS. AND YOU DON'T TAKE ANY-- I SAW A COUPLE TECHNICALS YOU GAVE I THOUGHT WERE-- >> I'M GOOD WITH KEEPING MEN IN CONTROL, STEVE. [LAUGHTER] >> ALL RIGHT! >> VERY GOOD, STEVE. Steve: WELL, THANK YOU FOR BRINGING IT UP, BUT I-- I HAVE A WIFE, SO-- [LAUGHTER] Steve: SO, VIOLET, TELL ME. WE ASKED 100 MARRIED WOMEN, NAME SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IN THE CIRCUS THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR HUSBAND IN THE BEDROOM. >> A DONKEY. [AUDIENCE OOHS] [APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER, VIOLET. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: A DONKEY. Audience: OH! [APPLAUSE] Steve: THAT WAS PERSONAL THERE. THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CIRCUS AT ALL. I'VE NEVER SEEN A DONKEY AT THE CIRCUS. YOU JUST WANTED TO VENT THAT, OBVIOUSLY. IS HE HERE? >> NO. Steve: HE'LL BE WATCHING, THOUGH, SO NOW YOU KNOW, SIR. [LAUGHTER] Steve: ZANDRA, NAME A REASON YOU DON'T THINK MAKING LOVE IN THE BATHTUB WOULD BE SO ROMANTIC. >> NOT ENOUGH ROOM. Steve: AIN'T ENOUGH ROOM IN THERE. YOU GOTTA MOVE AROUND IN THERE, ZANDRA. YOU NEED TO MOVE. YOU GOTTA GET YOUR LEG OUT. YOU GOT TO STRETCH OUT. WHY ARE THESE KNOBS? WHY ARE ALL THESE FAUCETS IN THE WAY? I NEED MORE ROOM. GET OUT THE WAY. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WE NEED MORE ROOM. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YEAH. HERE WE GO, SHERELL. NAME A REASON YOU DON'T THINK MAKING LOVE IN THE BATHTUB WOULD BE SO ROMANTIC. >> TOO SLIPPERY. Steve: IT'S TOO SLIPPERY. WE NEED A PLACE WITH SOME GRIP. YOU GOTTA BE ABLE TO GET THAT TOE LOCKED IN IN POSITION. YOU GOT TO HAVE PUSHING. YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO PROPEL YOURSELF. CAN'T BE SLIDING. [LAUGHTER] Steve: TOO SLIPPERY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: I TOLD YOU. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE QUESTIONS WHERE YOU REALLY FIND OUT ABOUT PEOPLE. THEY BLOWING THROUGH THIS. [LAUGHTER] Steve: THEY HAVE NO STRIKES, ONLY ONE ANSWER LEFT. THIS FAMILY HAS BEEN IN THE BATHTUB. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] Steve: WUN, LET'S GO. NAME A LIE ABOUT HER EX-HUSBAND A WOMAN MIGHT TELL HER FRIENDS. >> THE SIZE...SIZE OF HIS PRIVATES. >> GOOD ANSWER! [ALL YELLING] >> THAT'S A LOCK. Steve: LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. >> DON’T MAKE HER LAUGH. Steve: Y'ALL GOT IN A CIRCLE, HUGGED UP, AND WHEN YOU BROKE THE CIRCLE, THIS IS THE ANSWER YOU WANT ME TO SAY IN FRONT OF ALL THESE KIDS? >> RIGHT! >> THAT'S RIGHT! >> YEAH! [ALL YELLING] >> THE NUMBER ONE ANSWER. NUMBER ONE ANSWER. Steve: WE'RE LOOKING...FOR THE SIZE OF THIS GUY. [CHEERING] Steve: WON'T BE USING THIS ONE EVER AGAIN. NAME A PART OF YOUR BODY YOU THINK WOULD SELL FOR THE MOST MONEY. KRIS? >> MY BICEPS. Steve: YOUR BICEPS. THE GUNS! >> THE GUNS! Audience: OHH! Steve: RENEE? >> MY BUNS. >> WHOO! [APPLAUSE] Steve: I KNEW IT WASN'T GONNA BE JUST A REGULAR ANSWER. HER BUNS! DO YOU WANT TO PASS OR PLAY? >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY, STEVE. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY, KRIS. [CHEERS] Steve: ROB, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: GREAT. COME ON. LEAN IN A LITTLE. I'M GONNA FIX YOUR TIE. WHAT DO YOU DO, ROB? >> I'M A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, AND I'M AN ASPIRING FILMMAKER. Steve: OH, A FILMMAKER? I'VE BEEN IN A FEW OF THEM. [LAUGHTER] Steve: GONNA WRITE ANY MOVIES FOR SOME OLD BLACK PEOPLE TO BE IN? >> I MIGHT NOW. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] Steve: WHEN I SAID THAT, I WENT, "MAN, STEVE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT." HE JUST CAME RIGHT BACK AND SAID, "I MIGHT WRITE ONE NOW." YEAH. YEAH. HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. WHAT GRADE YOU IN? >> 11th. Steve: 11th. OK. A LITTLE NERVOUS? >> YEAH. A LITTLE. Steve: HEY, MAN, THIS IS A PIECE OF CAKE. THIS IS WHAT YOU DO. YOU ARE A FILMMAKER. >> YES! >> YES. Steve: YEAH. [APPLAUSE] Steve: NAME ONE THING THAT'S IMPORTED FROM ITALY. >> UH, ROME. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] OH, WOW! Steve: LET'S GO, KRIS. YOU GUYS ARE GOOD PLAYERS. >> ROME WAS VERY IMPORTANT. Steve: ROME WAS HOT. WHEN THEY BROUGHT IT OVER HERE WAS REALLY WHEN I STARTED... I THEN ASKED YOU TO NAME THE ONE THING THAT'S IMPORTED FROM ITALY. WHAT HAVE THEY BROUGHT OVER HERE THAT HAS MEANT THE MOST TO YOU? KRIS SAID WHEN THEY SHIPPED ROME IN. [LAUGHTER] Steve: FOR 75 POINTS, SURVEY SAYS--COME ON, ROME! [BUZZER] Steve: NUMBER ONE ANSWER WAS WINE. ON HER HONEYMOON NIGHT, A WOMAN PUTS ON LINGERIE. WHAT DOES A MAN PUT ON? >> A CONDOM. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> WHAT? WHAT? Steve: OBVIOUSLY, THEY JUST GOT MARRIED AND MET IN VEGAS ONE NIGHT AND-- [LAUGHTER] Steve: CONDOM. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: JARED, ON HER HONEYMOON NIGHT, A WOMAN PUTS ON LINGERIE. WHAT DOES A MAN PUT ON? >> MAYBE HE'S GONNA PUT ON A COSTUME. Steve: A COSTUME. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> I LOVE HIM. Steve: THIS IS THE GUY. >> HE'S A GREAT GUY. Steve: [INDISTINCT] COSTUME, YEAH. [LAUGHTER] >> HE'S MY HERO. Steve: I'LL BE WORKING THEM Cs, I'LL TELL YOU THAT. [LAUGHTER] Steve: COSTUME. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: KAREN, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD, THANKS. Steve: THAT IS A SEXY HAIRCUT. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Steve: I LIKE THAT. WOMEN WHO WEAR SHORT HAIR HAVE A LOT OF CONFIDENCE. THAT'S PRETTY HOT. >> I AM CONFIDENCE PLUS. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I AM A REALTOR IN THE BOSTON AREA. Steve: OK. IF A MAN CAME IN TO BUY A HOUSE, AND HE WAS WEARING REALLY TIGHT JEANS, NAME SOMETHING YOU MIGHT SEE THAT HE HAS IN HIS POCKET. >> THIS IS SOMETHING I NORMALLY WOULDN'T SAY, BUT HIS PACKAGE. >> WHOO! >> HA HA HA! Steve: THE DISCUSSION THAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN THESE 4. OH, MY GOD! THAT WAS A GREAT ANSWER! OH, I WANTED TO SAY THAT MYSELF. WOW. WELL...KAREN. WHERE DO YOU WORK, KAREN? >> I DON'T ANYMORE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: HA HA! THAT'S BETTER THAN ANY JOKE I WAS GONNA TELL. THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. SHE'S UNEMPLOYED 'CAUSE SHE'S LOOKING AT THE GUY'S PACKAGE! Audience: OH! [APPLAUSE] Steve: THAT WAS A GREAT ANSWER, MAN. HA HA! IF AMERICA'S GOT TALENT, NAME A STATE WHERE A LOT OF IT CAN BE FOUND. DERRICK? >> UNITED STATES. [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD JOB, DERRICK. Steve: IF AMERICA'S GOT TALENT-- >> I... Steve: NAME A STATE WHERE A LOT OF IT CAN BE FOUND. UNITED STATES. [LAUGHTER] KAREN? >> BOSTON. >> OHH! >> OH, A STATE. OHH... MASSACHUSETTS. Steve: THAT'S OK. >> HA HA HA! Steve: LOOKING FOR THE STATE OF BOSTON! [LAUGHTER] Audience: OH! HEY, CANDACE. NAME SOMETHING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD "GRIND." >> OH, STEVE, UM, MAKING LOVE. >> THAT'S MY GIRL. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: YOU AIN'T STAYING AT HOME DOING NOTHING, HUH, THOMAS? [LAUGHTER] Steve: ALL RIGHT, MAKING LOVE. Steve: GATOR, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD, GOOD. Steve: IS THAT YOUR REAL NAME, OR THEY JUST CALL YOU "GATOR"? >> IT'S A NICKNAME. Steve: NICKNAME GATOR? GOT YOU. ALL RIGHT, GATOR, WE ASKED 100 MARRIED MEN, NAME SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WIFE YOU WOULDN'T DARE CRITICIZE. >> HER FACE. Steve: HER F... >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: YOU KNOW, YOU AND I WOULD BE DOING GREAT IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR FACE. >> [LAUGHTER] Steve: HER F--HER FACE. MISS HELEN, HOW YOU DOING? >> I AM GREAT. Steve: I LIKE THAT HAIRCUT. IT LOOKS RATHER JAZZY ON YOU. >> YEAH, AND STIFF AS A BOARD. Steve: HAIRSPRAY, THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR. THAT'S GOOD. I AIN'T MAD AT YOU. NAME SOMETHING A FOURSOME MIGHT DO. >> DOUBLES TENNIS. Steve: DOUBLES TENNIS. STEPHANIE? >> UM, I WOULD SAY MAKE WHOOPEE. Steve: MAKE WHOOPEE. >> YES, SIR. Steve: WITH 4 PEOPLE? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU AND THE PILOT DOING? WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE BASE THAT YOU GUYS ARE ON? >> COLUMBUS AIR FORCE BASE IN MISSISSIPPI. Steve: COLUMBUS AIR FORCE BASE IN MISSISSIPPI, WELL. WE NEED TO GO DOWN THERE AND SIGN UP. MAKING WHOOPEE. WOW! OK, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. THEY SURVEYED 100 WILD PEOPLE... >> HAPPY BIRTHDAY. >> THANK YOU. Steve: DID YOU SAY "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"? IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? >> NO, I'M CELEBRATING MY 70th BIRTHDAY. THE KIDS DID THIS FOR ME. Steve: 70th BIRTHDAY? >> YES. Steve: WOW! WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS HELEN. LOOK AT YOUR LITTLE JAZZY SELF. GOT YOUR LITTLE SEXY HAIRSTYLE, 70,WORK IT OUT, GIRL. MAN. GET FLOSSY WITH IT. TURN 70 AND HAVE SOME PIZZAZZ. TELL ME SOMETHING YOUR DOG GETS TO DO THAT YOU WISH YOU COULD DO. >> THE DOG GETS TO HAVE SEX WITH MULTIPLE OTHER DOGS. >> HA HA HA. [APPLAUSE] >> ABSOLUTELY! Steve: MISS JUDY, WELL... THAT'S INTERESTING. >> YES. Steve: A DOG GETS TO HAVE MULTIPLE SEX WITH OTHER DOGS? >> WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS. Steve: WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS? >> JUST RANDOMLY. Steve: RAND--JUST OUT THERE. >> JUST OUT WALKING--GOING FOR A WALK. Steve: AT THE PARK. >> EXACTLY. Steve: DOWN THERE IN THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT. >> ABSOLUTELY. Steve: JUST DOWN THERE IN THE CAR. JUST OVER THERE ON THE SNOW- COVERED HILL. >> YOU HAVE A DOG. Steve: WELL...I HAVE THAT DREAM. [LAUGHTER] I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A DOG, BUT... I LOVE THE ANSWER YOU JUST GAVE, I'LL TELL YOU THAT. GOT ME THINKIN'. [LAUGHTER] YOU'RE NOT MARRIED? >> NO, I'M NOT. Steve: YEAH. >> I DO HAVE A STEADY BOYFRIEND, THOUGH. Steve: SO JUST ONE? >> JUST ONE, JUST ONE. [LAUGHTER] >> I'M NOT LIVING THE DREAM. Steve: YOU'RE NOT LIVING THE DREAM. OH, GOD. WELL, LET'S FIND OUT IF IT'S UP THERE--HAVING SEX WITH MULTIPLE DOGS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW AT RANDOM JUST OUT IN THE STREET AND BACK OF PARKING LOTS, DRINKING HEAVY. NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE USE AS A PARTNER WHEN THEY PRACTICE KISSING. TAMI? >> THE MIRROR. Steve: THE MIR--HA HA HA. THE MIRROR. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> RON? >> A RELATIVE. Steve: A REL--A RELATIVE? >> A RELATIVE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: A RELATIVE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] REALLY? UH...YOU GET TO PASS OR PLAY. >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. WE'RE GONNA PLAY. Steve: THAT WAS... [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> I GOTTA TELL YA, A RELATIVE IS NOT JUST ANOTHER PERSON. I CAN TELL YOU THAT. I DON'T CARE IF IT IS YOUR COUSIN, THIS IS NOT WHO YOU WANT TO PRACTICE ON. THIS IS--IT'S AGAINST THE LAW. IT'S GOING TO JAIL. WOW. JAMIE? >> YES? Steve: NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE USE AS A PARTNER WHEN THEY PRACTICE KISSING. >> UM... >> COME ON, JAMIE. >> LET'S GO, BABY. >> THE BEDROOM. HA HA HA. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! Steve: SO YOU JUST OPEN UP THE DOOR AND JUST START PRACTICING, HUH? >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! >> WHOO! Steve: JUST IN THE BEDROOM. THE BEDROOM. >> ALL RIGHT. Steve: WELL, HOLD ON ONE SECOND. WHAT I NEED FOR YOU TO DO IS LEAN OFF YOUR PODIUM AND QUIT HOLLERING IN THIS THING LIKE THIS. ALL I HEAR IS YOU. "GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! SAY IT! THAT'S THE ONE WE WANT! SAY IT! IT'S A GOOD ANSWER! SAY ANYTHING! THAT'S THE NUMBER ONE! DO YOUR THANG, DANITA! MAKE IT WORK, GIRL! YOU GOT IT! THAT'S RIGHT!" THAT'S ALL I'M HEARING. I CAN'T EVEN HOST THIS SHOW GOOD. YOU JUST GOTTEN TO HOLLERING IN YOUR MIC. WE ASKED 100 MEN, NAME A PART OF YOUR BODY THAT'S BIGGER THAN IT WAS WHEN YOU WERE 16. >> YOUR PENIS. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZER] NOT SO GOOD? [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I SAID THE MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY. Steve: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAID. [LAUGHTER] COULD HAVE SAID DING-A-LING, WINKY, ANY DAMN THING. WHAT THE HELL? IT AIN'T GONNA SOUND RIGHT. THE MEDICAL TERM IS ALMOST WORSE. A SLANG TERM WOULD AT LEAST BE-- YOUR DING-A-LING, SOMETHING. YOUR PENIS! HO-OH. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] WE'RE KEEPING THAT ANSWER? [LAUGHTER] >> WHAT? WHAT THE...? Steve: YEAH, LOOK AT HER ANSWERS. YOU THINK THAT'S SHOCKING... WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS FIRST ONE. WE ASKED 100 MEN TO NAME A PART OF YOUR BODY THAT'S BIGGER THAN IT WAS THAN WHEN YOU WERE 16. YOU CALMLY SAID...THAT. [LAUGHTER] SURVEY SAYS... [BUZZER] Audience: AWW. Steve: NUMBER ONE ANSWER WAS STOMACH. >> OH, RIGHT. IT WAS CLOSE, IN THE AREA. Steve: IF YOUR STOMACH IS THAT BIG, YOU CAN'T SEE IT ANYWAY. [LAUGHTER] NAME SOMETHING A WOMAN DOES FOR HER BABY THAT SHE-- YES. >> CHANGES HIS DIAPER. Steve: CHANGES HIS DIAPER. Steve: NAME SOMETHING A WOMAN DOES FOR HER BABY THAT SHE ALSO DOES FOR HER HUBBY. [LAUGHTER] Steve: SO, YOUR BIG, NASTY MAN JUST LAYING HIS LITTLE, NASTY SELF UP THERE, JUST BOO-BOOING ON HIS BIG, OLD FUNKY TAIL, HUH? CHANGE HIS DIAPER! Steve: BIG ZOOK, THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD. SHE'S STANDING RIGHT THERE. NAME SOMETHING THAT A WOMAN DOES FOR HER BABY THAT SHE ALSO DOES FOR HER HUBBY. >> COME ON. >> BATHES HIM? Steve: BATHES HIM. >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. >> YOU ASKED ME, STEVE. I GAVE YOU MY ANSWER. I GAVE YOU MY ANSWER. Steve: YEAH! Steve: OH. YEAH. OH, A LITTLE TEASE. I SEE YOU. Steve: THAT'S HOW YOU GET A HUSBAND, GIRL. RUN SOME BATH WATER AND BATHE HIM. >> DONNA, QUEEN OF THE FAMILY. TELL ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU NOTICED OUR BOSS FORGOT TO ZIP UP HIS FLY? >> I'D POINT AT IT. Steve: YOU'D-- >> I MEAN, I'D POINT IT OUT. I'D POINT AT IT. I MEAN, I'D JUST DO THIS. Steve: YOU SAID YOU'D POINT AT IT. I'M JUST GONNA GO DOWN HERE WITH THE PASTOR. REVEREND RANDY... >> YES, SIR. Steve: THE WIFE SAID SHE'D POINT AT IT. I'M JUST GONNA SAY THAT, AND NOW LET'S ME AND YOU LOOK AND SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. SHE GONNA POINT AT IT! >> AW! HA HA! EXCUSE ME. RIGHT THERE. BUT DON'T SAY ANYTHING, THOUGH, JUST...OK. RANDY, ONLY ONE STRIKE, MAN. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU NOTICED YOUR BOSS FORGOT TO ZIP UP HIS FLY? >> ZIP IT UP FOR HIM. [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. >> I LOVE IT! GIVE HIM HELP. >> IF MY WIFE IS POINTING AT IT, SO I'M LIKE... Steve: PASTOR'S GONNA ZIP IT UP FOR HIM. >> AW! WHAT DO YOU SAY, BABY? >> ALL RIGHT. Steve: OH, ALL FELLAS. >> HOW YOU BEEN? Steve: I'LL COME DOWN, NOW, ALL RIGHT. >> YEAH! YEAH! STEVE HARVEY! [ALL YELLING] Steve: THESE BOYS, ALL THEM GOT HEAVY HANDS. >> THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: THIS IS THE GROUP OF MEN RIGHT HERE. POW! HE'S PUTTING IT IN THERE. >> HUNGRY MAN. THIS IS FOR YOU, BROTHER STEVE. >> THERE YOU GO. Steve: YOU JUST CARRY SNACKS? >> ALL THE TIME. Steve: EDDIE... >> GET HUNGRY. HEY. Steve: EDDIE, FOR ALL THIS TO EVEN BE IN YOUR POCKET. JUST-- >> YEAH, YOU GOT IT, BROTHER. THERE YOU GO. YOU GET HUNGRY LATER. Steve: LOOK HOW THAT WOULD LOOK. IT'S SOME REALLY--JUST, MAN, YOU'RE BLOWING THE LOOK OF THE SUIT, EDDIE. EDDIE, WHAT DO YOU DO, MAN? >> I'M A CONCIERGE IN CHICAGO, AND I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU FROM MY BOSS. WHENEVER YOU'RE IN CHICAGO, AT REGENTS PARK, YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY AT A VIP FOR FREE. >> FOR FREE, STEVE, OK. [CHEERING] >> FOR FREE. >> TOP, TOP. >> THAT'S VIP SUITE. TOP FLOOR. >> TOP FLOOR. >> THAT'S WHERE HE'S USED TO BEING, ON THE TOP FLOOR. Steve: YEAH. I LIKE IT ON THE TOP. BIG STUFF ON THE TOP. >> YEAH! >> YEAH! Steve: STUFF POP UP ON THE TOP. WAY UP HIGH, LOOK DOWN! >> YEAH! Steve: ON TOP ALL THE BIG, NICE FURNITURE ON THE TOP. Steve: NAME A STATE THAT ENDS WITH THE LETTER "A." Steve: ARKANSAS. THEN I SAID NAME A STATE THAT ENDS WITH THE LETTER "A." YOU SAID... [LAUGHTER] THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID? OH, OH, OH. THEY JUST THREW THE "S" ON THE END THERE. >> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. Steve: THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT MORE THAN ONE ARKANSA. >> OH, OK. Steve: ARKANSAS. SURVEY SAYS... DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, MAN. NAME A CELEBRITY WHOSE WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND SEEMS WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. KATIE. >> TOM CRUISE. Steve: TOM CRUISE. WOW! WOW! WOW. THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SAID THAT ANSWER, I WAS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I WENT, "THAT'S NOT REALLY UP THERE," BECAUSE TOM CRUISE IS LIKE, YOU KNOW, COME ON. YOU GOT $500 MILLION. NOTHING'S OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. >> [LAUGHTER] Steve: I DON'T CARE WHAT A GUY LOOKS LIKE. IF HE'S GOT $500 MILLION, HE'S GOT A SHOT. I WANT HIM. NAME SOMETHING EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT CINDERELLA. DUSTIN. >> SHE WAS HOMELESS. >> [LAUGHTER] Steve: THAT'S PRETTY SHOCKING TO ME. THAT'S A NEW ONE. QUESTION IS NAME SOMETHING EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT CINDERELLA. I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME LATE-BREAKING NEWS HERE, FOLKS. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS IS GONNA SEND SHOCKWAVES THROUGH THE NEXT BEDTIME STORY COMMUNITY. LET'S FIND OUT. CINDERELLA WAS HOMELESS! "CHERYL-LYN." >> "CHER-LYN." Steve: HUH? >> "CHER-LYN." Steve: OK. SORRY ABOUT THAT. >> I'M JUST SAYING! IT'S OK. EVERYBODY DO IT. Steve: I KNOW. EVERYBODY DO IT. BUT WHEN THE STUPID HOST DO IT... [LAUGHTER] Steve: THAT'S WHEN YOU CHECK HIM, THOUGH, HUH? >> I CHECK EVERYBODY. Steve: THAT'S GOOD. CHERLYN, NAME SOMETHING YOU HOPE NEVER STOPS SUDDENLY WHEN YOU'RE RIDING ON IT. >> YOUR HEART. NAME SOMETHING YOU HOPE NEVER STOPS SUDDENLY WHEN YOU'RE RIDING ON IT. YOU SAID-- WHEN YOU JUMPED ON TOP OF YOUR HEART, YOU'RE JUST SHRIEKING DOWN THE STREET, "GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET THIS PUPPY STOP!" >> OH, MY GOSH. Steve: SURVEY SAID-- [BUZZER] WE ASKED 100 MARRIED MEN, NAME SOMETHING YOUR WIFE WEARS TO BED THAT'S A MAJOR TURN-OFF. TODD. >> FLANNEL! Steve: FLA--OK, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] FLANNEL! >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY, ANDREA. TODD, YOU'RE A LITTLE TICKED OFF ABOUT THAT FLANNEL, HUH? >> YEAH. THAT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A BOTHER. Steve: HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK IT HAPPENS? >> I'D SAY ABOUT, OH, EVERY TIME THAT I GET IN TROUBLE. Steve: OH, HERE COMES THE FLANNEL, HUH? YEAH. >> I USUALLY LAY IT OUT FOR HER JUST IN ADVANCE. Steve: OH, YOU JUST HAVE IT LAID--OK. "I MESSED UP. HERE IT IS." APRIL, HOW ARE YOU DOING? >> I'M FINE, THANK YOU. Steve: UH-HUH. SO HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET THE FLANNEL? >> THERE IS NOT A SINGLE BIT OF FLANNEL IN MY ENTIRE WARDROBE. WE LIVE IN FLORIDA, STEVE. Steve: YOU LIVE IN FLORIDA? >> EXACTLY. Steve: I REALLY BELIEVE TODD. HIS ANSWER SOUNDED LIKE IT CAME FROM A PLACE OF PAIN, AND I'M GONNA TRUST THAT IT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM. YOU MAY NOT THINK IT'S FLANNEL. MAYBE WHEN YOU PUT IT ON, IT COMES ACROSS AS FLANNEL. >> PERHAPS. PERHAPS. Steve: SEE THE ATTITUDE YOU'RE GIVING US NOW? >> IT'S ALL IN THE PERCEPTION, I GUESS. Steve: OK. IT'S FLANNEL, YEAH. IT'S FLANNEL, AND EVERY GUY OUT THERE KNOWS IT'S FLANNEL. OK, GREAT. WE ASKED 100 MARRIED MEN, NAME SOMETHING YOUR WIFE WEARS TO BED THAT'S A MAJOR TURN-OFF. >> A HEAD SCARF. >> OH, YEAH! OH, YEAH! Steve: OH, YEAH! THE DREADED HEAD SCARF. Steve: TELL ME SOMETHING PEOPLE TELL YOU YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE DRUNK THAT'S NEWS TO YOU. >> TALKED TO A UGLY WOMAN. Steve: TALKED TO AN UGLY WOMAN. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: TALKING TO THE UGLY BABE IN THE ROOM. Audience: OH! NAME SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH “WALK THE BLANK." >> I'M GONNA SAY... WALK THE YARD. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! [LAUGHTER] Steve: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] Steve: LOOK, MAN, I'M 53 YEARS OLD. NEVER ONCE HAS A PERSON EVER COME UP TO ME AND SAID, "WALK THE YARD." EVER. EVER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHY YOU SAID THAT. OK. ALL RIGHT. >> HA HA HA. Steve: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE LITTLE "GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER!" [LAUGHTER] >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. [INDISTINCT CHATTER] >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: OH, YEAH. AHA, YEAH. IF IT'S THERE, WE'RE GOING TO SUDDEN DEATH. IF IT'S NOT THERE, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE. WALK THE YARD. Audience: OH! Steve: WALK THE YARD. YOU STOP IT. YOU GO WALK THE YARD. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE AN INMATE, THAT MEANS SOMETHING. THEY DIDN'T ASK 100 INMATES THIS. THEY ASKED 100 FREE PEOPLE. Steve: PASS OR PLAY? >> PLAY! Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. YES! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> HE GOT OLD! Steve: NO, NO, NO. YOU JUST CAN'T SAY YOUR ANSWER RIGHT NOW. >> OH, SORRY. Steve: NO, WE HAVE TO INTERVIEW. [LAUGHTER] Steve: SO WHAT DO YOU DO, CARLY? >> STEVE, I ACTUALLY OWN A FARM AND A CAFE. Steve: YOU OWN A FARM AND A CAFE. >> I DO. Steve: YEAH. OK. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, ME, TOO. YEAH. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOUR INITIALS ARE C.C. >> C.C.C. Steve: C.C.C.? >> CARLY CHRISTINE CARRIGAN. YES. Steve: AND THEY CALL YOU... >> DOUBLE D. [LAUGHTER] Steve: DID SHE JUST BOUNCE? [LAUGHTER] >> SORRY, STEVE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU CAN DO THAT ON "FAMILY FEUD"? [LAUGHTER] Steve: THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW I'VE EVER HAD. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] >> WHOO! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: I LOVE THIS COUNTRY. [LAUGHTER] Steve: OK, C.C., WE ASKED 100 WOMEN, NAME A REASON YOU MIGHT NOT RECOGNIZE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND. >> HE GOT OLD. Steve: HE GOT OLD. >> GOOD ANSWER, CARLY! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> GOOD ANSWER! COME ON, MEGHAN! >> COME ON, MOOKIE. Steve: OR YOU COULDN'T SEE HIM. >> VERY TRUE. [LAUGHTER] GIVE ME CARLY! GIVE ME DARRIUS! [CHEERS] >> GET HIM, CARLY! GET HIM! Steve: "GET HIM, CARLY! GET HIM!" YEAH! >> DISTRACT HIM! Steve: DISTRACT HIM? >> COME ON, DARRIUS! [DARRIUS BARKS, GROWLS] Steve: (INAUDIBLE) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [LAUGHTER] Steve: IS THAT YOUR WIFE OVER THERE? >> NO. Steve: OH, THAT'S NOT YOUR WIFE? >> YEAH, I'M LIKE YOU. SHE'S AT HOME. Steve: THAT EXPLAINS THE GAZE. >> UH-HUH. >> I'M JUST BEING SILLY. Steve: OK--OK. HERE WE GO. TOP 6 ANSWERS ARE ON THE BOARD. ARE YOU SERIOUS, MAN? >> I'M LOOKING RIGHT HERE. Steve: YOU'RE LOOKING RIGHT THERE? NO, YOU WEREN'T. YOURS IS OVER HERE! >> OH. THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: THAT'S HERS! WE ASKED 100 WOMEN--NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT DO IN THE BATHTUB-- OH, YOU--OK, DARRIUS. [LAUGHTER] >> SING. Steve: SING. SING! [CHEERS] Steve: WE ASKED 100 WOMEN--NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT DO IN THE BATHTUB THAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK HE'S REALLY IMMATURE. >> PASS GAS? [LAUGHTER] Steve: PASSING GAS. [CHEERS] >> PASS! PASS! >> WE'RE GONNA PASS! Steve: YOU'RE GONNA PASS? >> WE'RE GONNA PASS! Steve: OK. [CHEERS] Steve: GOT UP THERE AND LOST YOUR MIND, DIDN'T YOU? YOU JUST JUMPING ON THE BUZZER ALL THERE? HEY, DUANE. HOW YOU DOING? >> GREAT. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, MAN? >> FINANCIAL AID ADVISOR AT MOREHOUSE COLLEGE IN ATLANTA, GEORGIA. I'M ALSO A PROFESSIONAL DRUMMER. Steve: WAIT A MINUTE. STOP RIGHT THERE. YOU'RE WHAT AT MOREHOUSE? >> FINANCIAL AID ADVISOR. Steve: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? MY 2 SONS--I JUST DROPPED THEM OFF AT MOREHOUSE COLLEGE NIGHT BEFORE LAST. >> I HEARD THAT. I HEARD THAT. [CHEERS] THAT'S ALSO MY ALMA MATER. Steve: THAT'S GOOD. WELL, LOOK OUT FOR MY SON OVER THERE. >> I SURE WILL. Steve: THEY DIDN'T GET THE FINANCIAL AID PACKAGE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: I WAS HOPING FOR THAT, BUT THEY ASKED ME TO LEAVE THE MEETING. SO... Steve: HEY, JANINE. HOW YOU DOING? >> HI. I'M DOING FANTASTIC! Steve: SO WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I AM ACTUALLY THE SCRIPT SUPERVISOR FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." Steve: BUT NOW "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"--Y'ALL BEEN PICKING FUN OF ME, THOUGH. >> NO. Steve: YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. KENAN-- THIS VERY FUNNY BIT HE DOES WHEN I HOSTED "WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE" ONE TIME, AND HE SAW IT. >> YES, HE DID. Steve: AND HE WAS DOING ME ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." "GUESS HOW MANY BUTTONS I GOT ON MY SUIT--50!" [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: I WAS DYING LAUGHING LOOKING AT THIS. WHEN I PULLED IT UP ON YOUTUBE, I WAS CRYING LAUGHING. NAME A REASON SHE MIGHT GIVE A GUY FOR NOT DATING HIM. >> NOW, I SWEAR, I WOULD NOT SAY THIS. Steve: YES, YOU WOULD. >> NO, I WOULDN'T. I WOULDN'T, BUT I THINK SOME GIRLS MIGHT NOT BECAUSE HE'S BALD. Steve: BECAUSE HE'S BALD? >> YEAH. Steve: OH. >> BUT NO, I WOULD-- Steve: UH-UH. HA HA! OH, NO. OH, NO. OH, NO. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TOUCH ME AFTER YOU SAID THAT ONE. >> I SWEAR, NOT ME. Steve: "I WOULD NEVER DATE YOU, BECAUSE YOU MR. BALDY." [BUZZER] Steve: YES! TELL ME A PLACE WHERE YOU MIGHT SEE A DEAD BODY. >> YOU MIGHT SEE A DEAD BODY IN THEIR HOUSE. THE PERSON DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES. >> YES. GOOD ANSWER. >> HA HA HA! Steve: YEAH, BUT I DON'T-- >> YEAH. I MIGHT SEE THE BODY WHERE? >> IN THEIR HOME, IN A HOUSE. Steve: AT THE HOUSE. >> AT THE HOUSE, YEAH. Steve: OK. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: HOW WOULD YOU SEE THAT? "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU FOLKS DOING? YOU WANT TO COME IN? GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU." [LAUGHTER] Steve: "JUST COME ON IN HERE. MY GRANDFATHER'S RIGHT THERE. HE DIDN'T MAKE IT. YEAH, HE'S STILL HOLDING A BEER. LOOK." [LAUGHTER] Steve: IN YOUR HOUSE. Audience: OH! Steve: NAME A SPECIFIC BEVERAGE PEOPLE MIX WITH ALCOHOL. >> RUM. OH. Steve: I SAID NAME A SPECIFIC BEVERAGE PEOPLE MIX WITH ALCOHOL. >> [LAUGHS] Steve: YOU WASTED NO TIME. YOU SAID...I'M GONNA GET-- I'M GONNA BE DRUNK NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. [LAUGHTER] Steve: SURVEY SAID... Audience: OH! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WANTING TO PLAY "FAMILY FEUD" WITH YOUR FAMILY? >> PROBABLY PRETTY MUCH MY WHOLE LIFE. Steve: YEAH? >> SINCE RIGHT AROUND WHEN RICHARD DAWSON, I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL, AND I HAVE BEEN WATCHING IT MY WHOLE LIFE. Steve: WOW. FINALLY GOT HERE, HUH? >> YEAH. Steve: IT'S A BIG DEAL. >> NO PRESSURE. Steve: YES. WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME, YOU KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS. YOU CAN GET BING, BING, BING, BING! YOU'LL BE RIPPING THEM OFF. YOU GOT A LOT OF PRESSURE. I'M TELLING JOKES. YOU JUST OUT HERE GOING, "OH, LORD." BUT YOU ALL ARE PLAYING WELL, SO THAT'S GOOD. >> YOU'RE DOING AN AWESOME JOB. WE LOVE YOU. [CHEERING] Steve: I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK, FOLKS. GIVE ME A BIG CITY IN TEXAS. 3 SECONDS. >> LITTLE BOOT. [LAUGHTER] LITTLE BOOT, TEXAS. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER. Steve: "BIG." "BIG CITY." "BIG, BIG," AND THEN YOU RIGHT OUT THE GATE SAID, "LITTLE BOOT." OK. >> LITTLE BIG BOOT. Steve: LET'S LOOK FOR LIT...LET'S LOOK FOR LITTLE BIG BOOT, TEXAS. Audience: AWW. Steve: DENNIS, ONE STRIKE. WHAT DO TEENAGERS ALWAYS WANT TO GET, BUT PARENTS SAY, "NO WAY"? >> TATTOO. >> GOOD ANSWER. >> STEVE HARVEY, RIGHT ON THE BUTTON. Steve: MAN. MY SON, MAN, JUST-- HE TURNED 18. YEAH, HE CAME IN WITH ONE. >> AH. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. Steve: I ALWAYS TOLD HIM NOT TO GET A TATTOO, AND TOOK HIS LITTLE STUPID-- >> AND THEY PUT IT IN PLACES YOU DON'T WANNA LOOK AT. Steve: DUMBEST TATTOO. YOU ARE SO STUPID. JUST THE DUMBEST THING. WHEN YOU'RE 40, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT THIS TATTOO. I'M TELLIN' YOU. YOUR BODY GONNA CHANGE. CAREFUL, LADIES. YOU GET A LITTLE BUTTERFLY RIGHT THERE. THINGS GET TO PULLING. ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU GOT A MOTH. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Steve: THE TATTOO. [AUDIENCE CHEERING] [AUDIENCE CHEERING] Steve: BETSY. AH HA HA! OH, YOU JUST RECENTLY CAME IN WITH SOMETHIN' CRAZY, DIDN'T YOU? I KNOW. WELL, YOU WERE YOUNG. COME ON. YOU'VE--YOU'VE NEVER-- >> I'M NOT VERY WILD. Steve: OH, YOU'RE NOT VERY WILD. WELL, BUT--OK. [WHISPERING] It was just a joke. I was only kidding. I was just kidding. HI, BETSY. >> HI. Steve: HI. WE'RE ON A SHOW CALLED "CHRISTIAN LIFE," AND-- HEH. NAME SOMETHING TEENAGERS TELL PARENTS THEY WANT TO GET, AND PARENTS SAY, "NO WAY." >> WHAT ABOUT PLASTIC SURGERY? Steve: PLASTIC... >> GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. Steve: PLASTIC SURGERY. KATHARINE HEPBURN, HOW ARE YOU TODAY? >> I'M DOING VERY WELL, THANK YOU. Steve: WELL, TELL ME SOMETHING THAT YOU DREAD ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR. >> GETTING UNDRESSED. Steve: LET'S GET NAKED! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: THAT GOWN...NEVER FITS. IT'S OPEN. I HAVE FUN WITH GOWNS. I PUT MINE ON IN THE FRONT AND I DON'T TIE IT. YOU GOT TO HAVE FUN WITH IT. >> I'LL DO THAT NEXT TIME. Steve: YEAH, DON'T LET IT BE SUCH A--MAKE IT TRYING FOR THEM. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: DON'T YOU SIT OVER THERE AND GO THROUGH THE EMBARRASSMENT. EMBARRASS THEM. DON'T PUT IT ON. JUST LEAVE IT FOLDED NEXT TO YOU. JUST BE SITTING ON THAT TISSUE JUST NAKED. [APPLAUSE] Steve: YEAH. HOW YOU DOIN', DOC? HOW'S EVERYBODY? COME ON IN. I DO IT ALL THE TIME. [CHEERS] Steve: ALI, MY MAN. WHAT YOU SAY, BABY? HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, ON YOUR WAY TO PEPPERDINE COLLEGE. THAT'S MAJOR. YOU GOT TO HAVE A NICE GPA, WHICH IS... >> 3.8. [CHEERS] Steve: I HAVE NEVER, EVER SEEN A 3--NOTHING. IF I GOT IN THE 2s, MY DADDY THREW A PARTY AT THE HOUSE. [CHEERS] Steve: YAHYA, WHAT'S UP, MAN? >> YOU GOT IT. Steve: CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMP 2 TIMES. HE'S A CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMP TWICE, WORLD CHAMP. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: FIGHT-FIGHT-FIGHT. NICE! NICE. SO LET'S JUST HOPE HE GETS ALL HIS ANSWERS RIGHT AND THERE WON'T BE A PROBLEM TODAY. GREAT. NAME AN OCCASION WHEN A HUSBAND SHOULD SEND HIS WIFE FLOWERS. >> IF I HOLD YOU CLOSE--THAT'S WHAT THEY DO ON TV. Steve: OK. COOL. I'M COOL WITH YOU. LET'S TRY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. IS THIS COOL WITH YAHYA? THAT'S WHAT I REALLY NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW. >> IF IT GIVES US $20,000. Steve: IF I GIVE YOU $20,000, HE'LL LET YOU HUG ME HARDER. OK. NAME AN OCCASION WHEN A HUSBAND SHOULD SEND HIS WIFE FLOWERS. YOU SAID VALENTINE'S DAY. SURVEY SAID-- MAN. THAT WOULD'VE BEEN--NUMBER ONE ANSWER WAS ANNIVERSARY. Steve: AMINA, NAME AN OCCUPATION WHERE A MAN CAN WORK WITH HIS SHIRT OFF. >> TEACHER. >> GOOD ANSWER! >> OK! >> GOOD ANSWER. >> OH, GOOD ANSWER. Steve: NO, IT'S NOT. THAT'S A LAWSUIT. [LAUGHTER] Steve: TEACHER. >> DEODORANT! >> DEODORANT! >> YOU GOT TO WORK IT! WHOO! Steve: SPEEGLE FAMILY... >> YES, SI-IR. Steve: HA HA. [LAUGHTER] >> I'M SO NERVOUS. Steve: THAT HAD A BUNCH OF SYLLABLES IN IT. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, JANICE. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. Steve: [SOUTHERN ACCENT] THANK YOU SO MUCH! Steve: LORI, HOW YOU DOING? >> FINE, FINE, FINE. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I'M A MOTHER AND A GRANDMOTHER AND A WIFE OF MY HUSBAND OF 50 YEARS. Steve: 50. WOW. >> WONDERFUL. Steve: THAT'S AMAZING. >> THAT'S WHAT--I'M BLESSED. Steve: IT DON'T GET DONE LIKE THAT TOO MUCH NOWADAYS. MY MOM AND DAD WERE MARRIED FOR 64 YEARS. >> AMEN. Steve: 64. [APPLAUSE] IF MINE LASTS 64 YEARS, I'LL BE 113. [LAUGHTER] >> GO FOR IT. GO FOR IT. IN WHICH COUNTRY ARE MEN THE BIGGEST PLAYBOYS? >> ITALY. Steve: ITALY. >> OK. GOOD ANSWER! Steve: ITALY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU KNOW WHAT, LORI? YOU PLAY THIS GAME PRETTY GOOD. >> I'M ITALIAN. Steve: YOU'RE ITALIAN. OH. >> WELL. >> OH. Steve: HE GOT YOU, DIDN'T HE? THAT'S HOW HE GOT YOU. GETTY THE PLAYBOY. >> [INDISTINCT] Steve: I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. JUST THROWING IT OUT THERE. JUST DOING JOKES. [LAUGHTER] >> I THINK A TIP IS DON'T MAKE GRANDMA ANGRY. Steve: YEAH, I SEE THAT. I SEE THAT, ROB. DON'T--DON'T TICK OFF GRANDMA. OK. I'M JUST-- WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD BE THE FIRST WORD OR WORDS SPOKEN BY DONALD TRUMP'S LITTLE SON? ARCHIE. >> MAKE ME--I'M SORRY. GIVE ME THE MONEY. I'M... [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WHEW! Steve: FIRST TIME ON TV? >> YES, SIR. Steve: HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE RIGHT THERE. >> YES. Steve: WHAT DID YOU SAY, THOUGH? >> I SAID, "GIVE ME THE MONEY." Steve: "GIVE ME THE MONEY." THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA LOOK FOR UP THERE BECAUSE IT FIRST IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID... [GIBBERISH] >> HA HA HA! Steve: GIVE ME THE MONEY! PASS OR PLAY, ARCHIE? >> PLAY, PLAY! Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY, JANICE. THIS DUDE IS SO NERVOUS. HANG IN THERE, ARCHIE. YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT. WE'RE GONNA LET YOUR WIFE TALK A LITTLE BIT, OK? HEY, PATRICIA. HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M DOING GOOD, STEVE. HOW ARE YOU DOING? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, DARLING? >> I AM A TEACHER AND A STUDENT AT INTERNATIONAL COLLEGE OF BIBLE THEOLOGY. Steve: OH. BIBLE THEOLOGY. >> YEAH. Steve: ALL RIGHT. WELL, HEY, THE WHOLE FAMI-- [MUMBLES] THEY'RE ALL PASTORS, EVEN THE BOY WITH THAT STUFF IN HIS EAR. [LAUGHTER] I REALLY WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT IT IS. BIG BLOCKS OF WOOD IN HIS EAR. HE'S A YOUTH PASTOR. GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH A TRIBE. ANYBODY DOWN AT YOUR BIBLE COLLEGE GOT THEM IN THEIR EARS? >> NO, SIR. Steve: OK. JUST CHECKING WITH YOU, THAT'S ALL. NAME A MEDICATION PEOPLE ARE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT TAKING. ROD. >> PREPARATION H! Steve: PREPARATION H! YOU BETTER BELIEVE PREPARATION H! >> I'M GONNA SAY... [BUZZER] Steve: PASS OR PLAY, ROD? >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY, BABY! Steve: WE'RE GONNA PLAY, BABY! THEY'RE GONNA PLAY RIGHT NOW! ROD! HEY, LORI. >> HELLO, STEVE. Steve: HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M HAVING A BABY SOON. Steve: ARE YOU? >> YEAH. HAVING A LITTLE BOY. Steve: OH, ARE YOU? >> YEAH. Steve: OH, SETH IS THE-- >> YOU KNOW, BABY. Steve: WOW. >> HA HA HA! Steve: YOU THINK I'M LOOKING AT HIM. WAIT TILL THE BABY SEES HIM. I'M SURE AN INFANT'S GONNA WANT TO KNOW, "WHY DOES DADDY HAVE THE COOKIES IN HIS EAR?" >> HA HA HA! Steve: OK. >> AAH! Steve: OK. LORI, NAME A MEDICATION PEOPLE ARE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT TAKING. >> I'M GONNA SAY LAXATIVES. YEAH! Steve: THE LAXATIVE. >> WHOO! Steve: THIS IS WHY I TOOK THE GIG RIGHT HERE IS MOMENTS LIKE THIS. YOUTH PASTOR. >> I'M A YOUTH PASTOR, BABY. YOU KNOW IT. Steve: MY MAN. HOLD ON ONE SECOND. >> HA HA HA! Steve: WHEN Y'ALL ARE PICKING THE YOUTH PASTORS... >> UH-HUH. Steve: AT THE CHURCH... >> RIGHT. Steve: UH... >> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT HELPS THAT HE'S MY SON-IN-LAW. WE HAD TO GET HIM A JOB, YOU KNOW. [LAUGHTER] >> WHOO! Steve: YOU CAN'T--YOU CAN'T PAY FOR ANSWERS LIKE THAT. THAT'S BETTER THAN ANYTHING I COULD HAVE WROTE. HEY, SETH. NAME A MEDICATION THAT PEOPLE ARE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT TAKING. >> A.D.D. MEDICATION. Steve: YOU NEED TO NAME IT. >> ADDERALL. Steve: HUH? >> ADDERALL. Steve: AND HE KNOWS THE NAME OF IT, TOO. >> WHOO! Steve: ADDERALL. BESIDES THE BED, NAME SOMEPLACE PEOPLE LIKE TO MAKE LOVE. JANICE? >> THE CAR! [LAUGHTER] Steve: CAR? >> OH, YEAH. Steve: YOU GOT IT. ALL RIGHT NOW. IN THE CAR! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> HOW ‘BOUT OUTSIDE? Steve: HOW ABOUT OUTSIDE? MORE SPECIFIC. >> ON A BLANKET OUTSIDE! [LAUGHTER] >> OK. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY OUTSIDE? >> OK. OK. IN THE PARK. >> WHOO! GOOD ANSWER! [APPLAUSE] >> WHOO! WHOO! MY GIRL RIGHT HERE AIN’T PLAYIN' WITH YOU. OUTSIDE ON THE BLANKET IN THE PARK! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NAME SOMETHING A BURGLAR WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE WHEN HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE. ROD. >> NAKED GRANDMA! Steve: NAKED--HUH? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] >> I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT, EITHER. Steve: I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT, OK? NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A NAKED GRANDMA, BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF YOU BREAKING IN A HOUSE AND RUNNING UP INTO YOUR GRANDMAMA NAKED? LOOKING FOR A NAKED GRANDMAMA IN THE HOUSE OUTSIDE IN THE WOODS ON THE BLANKET. [LAUGHTER] >> WHOO! GRANDMA! WHOO! Steve: THAT'S THE OCCUPANT PERSON THAT'S THERE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: JUAN? >> A DOG. Steve: A DOG. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: PASS OR PLAY? >> PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY. >> WE GONNA PLAY. RAE JEAN, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> WELL, I'M A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER, BUT I'VE BEEN MARRIED 3 TIMES, AND I'M LOOKING FOR NUMBER 4. Steve: GO AHEAD. OH, THAT'S WHAT WE NEED OUT THERE. OH! I SEE. OH. OH, WE GOT A LITTLE LOVE CONNECTION HERE. OK, FELLAS, IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, SHE'S LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY WHO'S EXCITING. >> YES. Steve: UH... >> A GAMBLER. Steve: A GAMBLER. >> SOMEONE WHO'LL TAKE ME OUT TO EAT, BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO COOK. Steve: SHE DON'T LIKE TO COOK. OK. DON'T WANT NOBODY WITH THE-- YOU DON'T WANT THE LITTLE SCOOTER GUY. >> NO. Steve: NO. YOU'RE PULLING UP IN THE SCOOTER EVERYWHERE WE GO, JUST--SHE DON'T WANT THAT. >> I ALREADY HAD THAT. Steve: YOU HAD THAT ALREADY? YEAH, WELL... [LAUGHTER] WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE... [LAUGHTER] ...POOR GUY. PROBABLY JUST-- >> HE DIED. Steve: HE DIED. >> [LAUGHS] OK. Steve: HE DIED, AND SHE LAUGHED. SO, OBVIOUSLY THE LITTLE SCOOTER GOT AWAY FROM HIM. [LAUGHTER] HE ROLLED OUT INTO SOME TRAFFIC. >> I'M IN TROUBLE. Steve: I THINK SHE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR, SO THAT'S WHAT SHE'S SAYING. ANYBODY OUT THERE? LOOK AT THIS KID RIGHT HERE. >> AWW. Steve: SHE SAID, BOY, YOU CAN'T BEGIN TO SPELL "COUGAR." [LAUGHTER] I LIKE THAT. THAT WAS REALLY GOOD. HA HA! RAE JEAN. >> YEAH? Steve: WHAT'S UP, GIRL? >> HA HA, NOT MUCH. Steve: I KNOW YOU'RE READY. >> YOU HAVEN'T FOUND ME A HUSBAND YET. Steve: WELL, I AM TRYING. I'M GOING TO PUT IT OUT THERE ONE MORE TIME. LOOKING FOR A GUY. [LAUGHTER] Steve: TAKES GOOD CARE OF--IS THERE AN AGE? GIVE ME AN AGE RANGE. >> WELL, MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME. Steve: MUCH YOUNGER THAN YOU? OK. WE'RE DOING THE COUGAR THING. WE'RE DOING THE COUGAR THING. WE'RE LOOKING SOME LITTLE YOUNG BOY THAT DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WILLING TO BE TAUGHT, TRAINED, AND USED. [LAUGHTER] Steve: WELL, LOOK. SOMEBODY--YOU RAISED YOUR HAND? HE WENT, "I THINK I CAN DO THAT." [LAUGHTER] Steve: HEY, KU--KUMO--OH, LORD. OOH, YOUR NAME MAKING MY HEAD HURT. [LAUGHTER] Steve: KUMOA? >> YOU'RE CLOSE. YOU'RE CLOSE. Steve: KUMUA? >> KUMOIA, ALSO KNOW AS-- Steve: KEMOSABE. >> KEMOSABE. Steve: OK, THAT'S WHAT I HEARD. SEE, I WAS TRYING TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING. >> THAT'S IT. Steve: LADY, WHAT MIGHT SMOKEY THE BEAR DO TO A CAMPER WHO WON'T PUT OUT HIS CAMPFIRE? >> TALK TO HIM. Steve: TALK TO HIM. >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: "COME ON OVER HERE AND LET ME TALK TO YOU." [CHEERING] NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN THE AIR CONDITIONING GOES ON THE FRITZ. >> GET NAKED. YOUR ANSWER JUST FIRED ME OFF RIGHT HERE. HERE WE GO. LET'S TAKE A SHOT AT THIS. HERE YOU GO, MIKE. THIS IS YOUR KID. NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN THE AIR CONDITIONING GOES ON THE FRITZ. YOU SAID--WITHOUT HESITATION. YOU JUST FIRED OFF, "LET'S GET NAKED!" SURVEY SAID-- >> YEAH! >> I DIDN'T TEACH THAT. Steve: BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW? YOU WALK IN YOUR HOUSE AND THE AIR CONDITIONER'S OFF, AND YOU JUST GO, "OOH, LORD! LET'S JUST SLIP IT OFF RIGHT HERE. THERE'S ZERO GOING ON IN HERE. I DON'T KNOW WHO DIDN'T PAY THE BILL, BUT I GOT TO POP THAT--FINE. LET'S GET THIS..." ALL RIGHT. HEY, MAN. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I FOLLOWED YOU EVERYWHERE. I KNOW YOUR EVERY MOVE. YOU'VE BEEN AROUND, BOY. MICK FOLEY. >> HUG? I'M NOT AFRAID TO HUG. Steve: YEAH. NAME A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ARE NOT SHY ABOUT MAKING OUT IN PUBLIC. >> THE GROCERY STORE. >> THAT'S A GOOD ONE! >> I MAKE OUT ALL THE TIME. FREEZER SECTION. Steve: YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME? >> IN THE FREEZER SECTION. Steve: IN THE FREEZER SECTION? THAT SOUNDS GREAT TO ME. YES. LOVE TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING WITH YOU, YES. RIGHT NOW I HAVE MY ENTIRE MARRIAGE ON THE LINE, BUT YES. EXCUSE ME, MARJORIE, I'M GOING GROCERY SHOPPING WITH THE TNA LADIES. WE'LL BE IN THE FREEZER SECTION. THE GROCERY STORE. Audience: AWW! Steve: HOW MANY X-RATED MOVIES HAVE YOU SEEN? >> 18. Steve: NAME AN ACTIVITY... Steve: HOW MANY X-RATED MOVIES HAVE YOU SEEN? JAY JUST WENT ON AND PUT THIS ONE OVER THE WALL. >> I'M A GUY. WHAT DO YOU... Steve: HE SAID 18. >> IN THE LAST WEEK! HA HA! Steve: THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER YOU WANT ON THE "FAMILY FEUD." >> YOU GUYS ASKED IT. Steve: I KNOW. SURVEY SAID... THE NUMBER-ONE ANSWER? NONE. >> WHAT! THERE'S A BUNCH OF LIARS OUT THERE. LIARS. >> THEY ALL LIE. NAME SOME INFORMATION YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND MIGHT CONFESS TO YOU. >> THAT HE HAS AN STD. >> YEAH! Steve: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS SHOW, BUT ALL OF HER ANSWERS ARE THE MOST PLEASANT, SEXIEST THINGS YOU COULD SAY. WELL, LET'S SEE IF IT'S THERE. LET'S LOOK FOR THE VERY LOVELY AND SOFT STD. OHH! >> WHAT? HE BETTER. NAME SOMETHING MEN FEAR ABOUT GETTING OLDER. >> PROSTATE PROBLEMS? Steve: YOU SAID PROSTATE. I KNOW. THE BIG THING IS THE PROSTATE EXAM. >> THAT'S RIGHT. Steve: I GO YEARLY. I HATE IT. I HATE THE LITTLE METHODS THEY USE TO TRY TO MAKE YOU GET... PUT YOUR ELBOWS ON THE TABLE. SMILE. I'M NOT SMILING. I'M NOT COUGHING. JUST GO AHEAD. THIS IS THE PART THAT I-- IT KILLS ME WHEN THE DOCTOR GOES, "YOU HAVE TO RELAX." IT'S NOT A RELAXING MOMENT FOR ME. I'M JUST STANDING OVER THERE GOING, "JUST DO YOUR THING." AH, YEAH. IT'S ONE OF THE MOST TIGHTENING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. HERE THE GLOVE POPPING. PSST. BACK THERE, GOT THIS LITTLE TUBE IN YOUR HAND. THE WHOLE PROCESS IS TIGHTENING ME UP EVEN MORE, AND I GOT THIS GUY BACK THERE TALKING ABOUT RELAX. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA RELAX? ALL RIGHT... PROSTATE! Audience: AW... NAME SOMETHING YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE DO TOGETHER THAT MIGHT BE TOO MUCH TOGETHERNESS? ANNETTE. >> MAKE LOVE. Steve: MAKE LOVE. Steve: YOU'RE ABOUT SICK OF HIM, HUH? OK. "TOO MUCH OF THIS GOING ON AT OUR HOUSE. THIS IS JUST--I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE." MAKING LOVE. GIVE ME A FAMOUS PERSON NAMED DICK. >> MOBY DICK. Steve: OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. "FAMOUS PERSON." [LAUGHTER] WE'RE LOOKING...FOR FAMOUS PERSON NAMED MR. MOBY DICK. Audience: OH! Steve: HE'S A WHALE. [LAUGHTER] Steve: LATARSHA? I GOT IT RIGHT? >> YOU DID. Steve: WHOO! LOT OF VOWELS IN THERE. IF IT WASN'T FOR HIS WIFE, NAME SOMETHING A MAN MIGHT NEVER DO ON SUNDAY. >> GET OUT OF BED. Steve: GET OUT OF BED. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] HEY, VANESSA. HOW YOU DOING? >> HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? Steve: VANESSA, WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I'M A SPEECH PATHOLOGIST. Steve: YOU GOT TO BE LISTENING TO ME, GOING, "WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO HIM?" >> I DO COACHING ON THE SIDE. [LAUGHTER] I'M JUST JOKING, STEVE. JUST JOKING. I'M JUST JOKING. Steve: HA HA! VANESSA, HOW YOU DOING TODAY? >> I'M DOING WELL, STEVE. Steve: WHY YOU LAUGHING? YOU LAUGHING AT YOUR COUSIN'S ANSWER? >> NO. I'M LAUGHING AT YOU. Steve: NAME A REASON WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LEAVE A HOUSE THROUGH A WINDOW. >> THEY LOCKED THEMSELVES IN THE HOUSE WITH THE BOLT LOCK, THE EXTRA LOCK ON TOP. Steve: I'M JUST REMEMBERING WHAT I'VE SEEN ON THE BOARD, AND I'M GONNA JUST CHECK A LITTLE SOMETHING OUT. YEP. SURE IS. >> IT'S DIFFERENT. Steve: IT'S DIFFERENT? OK. YOU SAID YOU LOCK YOURSELF IN. I DON'T KNOW HOW DIFFERENT... M-M-MAYBE YOU SPELL "LOCKED" WITH TWO Ks. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER, VANESSA! Steve: OH, YEAH. IT'S A GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. OK. YOU READY? >> I GOT TO ENCOURAGE MYSELF. GOOD ANSWER, VANESSA. Steve: NAME A REASON WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LEAVE A HOUSE THROUGH A WINDOW. >> DEAD BOLT IS STUCK. WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT? Steve: THE DEAD BOLT IS STUCK? WHY DON'T I GET IT? OK. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. >> I'M SORRY, STEVE. Steve: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. NO. LET'S JUST GO WITH THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. DEAD BOLT IS STUCK! >> GIVE ME 5, STEVE! GIVE ME 5! GIVE ME A HUG. GIVE ME A HUG. GIVE ME A HUG! GIVE ME A HUG! HUG ME! Steve: I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. FORGIVE ME. I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST ANSWER, BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW SOMETHING. THERE'S GOT TO BE TWO OTHER PEOPLE IN THE 100. I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT IT'S UP THERE. >> LET ME HELP YOU, LET ME HELP YOU. Steve: I'M SORRY. THANK YOU, MA'AM. THANK YOU. OH, GOD. THIS IS... GIVE ME ANOTHER WORD FOR THROW UP. >> THIS IS A NURSING WORD. I HOPE EVERYBODY KNOWS IT. EMESIS. Steve: WHAT? >> THAT IS THE MEDICAL TERM FOR VOMIT. Steve: THAT'S THE MEDICAL TERM? IT REALLY-- >> YES, IT IS. EMESIS. Steve: EMESIS. >> YES, SIR. I HOPE IT'S UP THERE. GOOD ANSWER! Steve: YOU HOPE IT'S UP THERE? YOU'RE THE ONLY--STOP IT. YOU'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE. >> YES, YOU HAVE! >> NO ONE KNOWS--NO, THEY HAVEN'T! NO ONE IN HERE IS A DOCTOR. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! EVERYBODY BACK! THERE'S AN EMIS! ENEMA, YEAH. I'VE HAD AN ENEMA AND IT MADE ME THROW UP. >> HA HA! Steve: BUT AN EMIS? NO ONE KNOWS THAT. >> EMESIS. Steve: EMESIS. OH HO HO. OH, NOW YOU GONNA BE FUNKY WITH IT, TOO. "EMESIS, STUPID." >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE ONE WORD ONLY SHE KNOWS! EMESIS! >> LET IT BE UP THERE! [AUDIENCE GROANS] Steve: AW! >> OK. Steve: I WAS HOPING THAT WAS UP THERE, SHERRI. >> THANK YOU. ME, TOO. Steve: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D HAVE DONE. I'D HAVE JUST DOVE OFF INTO THE CROWD. HEH HEH HEH! KAMERON, BIG SEXY. >> LADIES MAN, YOU KNOW. >> [LAUGHTER] Steve: SEE, YOU'RE ON NATIONAL TV NOW. SO WHEN YOU MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE LADIES THAT YOU'RE A LADIES MAN, THERE'S ALWAYS ONE LADY WHO THINKS SHE IS THE LADY, AND YOU'VE TOLD HER SHE IS THE LADY. NOW YOU JUST LOOKED IN THAT CAMERA WITH YOUR STUPID SELF... >> [LAUGHTER] >> OH, WELL. THEY'RE NOT GOING NOWHERE. Audience: OOH! >> HA HA HA! Steve: SO YOUNG. OH, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. THEY NOT ONLY GO AWAY, THEY TAKE STUFF WITH THEM WHEN THEY LEAVE. >> HOW YOU DOING, MR. HARVEY? HOW YOU DOING? Steve: HOW YOU DOING, MAN? WHERE ARE YOU FOLKS FROM? >> WE'RE FROM CHICAGO BY WAY OF J-TOWN, JOLIET! Steve: THAT'S WHERE THE PRISON AT. >> THAT'S RIGHT. I WORK IN ONE OF THEM. Steve: YOU WORK IN ONE OF THE PRISONS? I LIKE THIS COMBINATION, MAN. YOU DID THAT NICE. YOU DID THAT NICE. >> WE WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU, STEVE. Steve: NO, NO, YOU DID IT. YOU DID IT. NAME SOMETHING YOU MIGHT WANT IF YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR TO A NUDIST. >> A REASON TO GO OVER THERE. [APPLAUSE] Steve: BABY, YOU NEED TO ME GO OVER NEXT DOOR AND GET SOME SUGAR OR SOMETHING? THEY MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE OVER THERE? YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER THERE AND SAY SOMETHING? BUT I'LL GO OVER THERE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? WE NEED A REASON TO GO OVER THERE. HEY, I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING, DON. THAT WAS A GOOD ANSWER, MAN. Steve: NAME SOMETHING A WOMAN CARRIES IN HER PURSE THAT A MAN CARRIES IN HIS PANTS. A CONDOM. [APPLAUSE] WHOO! [LAUGHS] Steve: IT'S A TRUE ANSWER THAT YOU'VE GIVEN. I'M JUST, YOU KNOW... >> THEY TAKE A POLL, AND I THINK IT'S--I THINK OUT OF 100 PEOPLE, SOMEBODY WOULD SAY THAT. Steve: LET'S JUST TURN AROUND, SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. PROBABLY IS. JUST GONNA MAKE ME THROW UP A LITTLE BIT. A CONDOM. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: NOW. I KNOW YOU SAID, "I DON'T DO THIS," BUT YOU KNOW, YOU SURE KNEW THE ANSWER RIGHT AWAY. >> I HAVE A HOT HUSBAND IN THE AUDIENCE. Steve: YOU HAVE A HOT HUSBAND? >> YES, I DO. Steve: DO YOU? WELL, I BET HE IS. WELL, HE'S GOT A HOT WIFE, SO HEY. LET'S MAKE IT WORK. WHERE'S THE HOT HUSBAND AT? >> HE'S RIGHT THERE WAVING. Steve: OH, THAT'S THE GUY THAT TOLD THE JOKE THE OTHER SHOW. DON'T I THINK HE'S HOT? NO, NOT AT ALL. AS LONG AS HE FLOATS YOUR BOAT, EVERYTHING'S GREAT. STEVEN, HOW ARE YOU DOING, MAN? >> I'M VERY GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, SIR? >> I'M A GENERAL CONTRACTOR AND A REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER, BUT MOST IMPORTANT, I'M A PROUD HUSBAND TO THAT BEAUTIFUL GIRL RIGHT DOWN THE ROW HERE, ANNA MARIA. Steve: WOW, OH, THERE YOU GO. SAY IT WITH PRIDE. >> ABSOLUTELY. Steve: WE MARRY GOOD LOOKING WOMEN. >> ABSOLUTELY. Steve: THAT'S WHAT WE'VE DONE. WE'VE MARRIED UP. YOU AND I. YOU AND I, STEVEN, ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE WOMEN WE HAVE. >> AW, YOU COULDN'T SAY IT MORE. MORE TRUE. SPEAK THE TRUTH. Steve: WE ARE EVER PROVING OURSELF TO BE WORTHY OF THEIR MERE PRESENCE AND LOVE. >> NOT WORTHY. Steve: AND WHEN WE ARE ALLOWED TO PARTAKE OF THIS LOVE, IT IS ONE OF THE MOST GRATIFYING MOMENTS OF OUR LIFE. >> ABSOLUTELY. Steve: AND IT DRIVES US... >> WELL SAID, WELL SAID! Steve: TO WORK HARDER EVERY DAY TO PROVIDE FOR THE FAMILY THAT WE'VE DAWNED IN THEIR MERE PRESENCE. >> AMEN! AMEN! >> HALLELUIAH! >> WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] MY WIFE IS IN THE BACK. NAME SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH THE WORD "BELLY." >> BELLY JELLY. Steve: DID YOU SAY BELLY JELLY? >> YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. Steve: HUMILIATING, ISN'T IT? >> IT IS. Steve: YOU'RE ON NATIONAL TV. LOOK AT THAT CAMERA RIGHT OVER THERE. SAY THAT ANSWER AGAIN. >> BELLY JELLY! Steve: YOUR BUDDIES AT WORK... WOW. WHEN THEY SEE THIS, YOU'RE DONE. HERE WE GO. LOOKING FOR BELLY JELLY. YUP. >> WHY DO THEY CALL YOU BLUE CHEESE? Steve: WHY DO THEY CALL ME "BLUE CHEESE"? 'CAUSE I BE DRESSING. [APPLAUSE] Steve: YEAH! HA HA! I DON'T KNOW HOW HE KNEW TO ASK ME THAT, BUT I'M GLAD YOU CAME. TABITHA, NAME SOMETHING THAT SOME PEOPLE DO SEXIER THAN OTHERS. >> UM, DRESS. THEY DRESS. HOW THEY DRESS. Steve: WOW! >> THAT'S 'CAUSE OF YOU, STEVE. Steve: SAY THAT AGAIN. >> THANKS TO YOU, STEVE. Steve: MY MAN. EH, HEH. HOW THEY DRESS. KAREN, HOW YOU DOIN', SWEETHEART? >> HI, I'M FINE, THANK YOU. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, MA'AM? >> UH, ACTUALLY, I'M HIS WIFE, MOST OF THE TIME. Steve: MM-HMM. >> WHEN I'M NOT WORKING, AND I HAVE A HORSE BOARDING BARN. Steve: MY DAUGHTER WANTS A HORSE... >> OOH, I HAVE ONE FOR YOU. Steve: ONE FOR ME? >> YEAH. >> 2 OF 'EM IF YOU WANT 'EM. Steve: I GOT A RANCH IN TEXAS THAT'S GOT A BARN WITH 11 STALLS ON IT, SHOWERS AND EVERYTHING. NO HORSES IN IT. >> FILL UP YOUR BARN. Steve: SEE RIGHT THERE? I JUST ASKED FOR ONE HORSE... [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> THEY'RE GOOD. [STEVE MUTTERING] WELL, LET'S JUST MOVE ON. >> HORSES. Steve: SHE SAID, "HORSES." THIS NICE LADY RIGHT HERE--"HORSES." "DON'T GET SMART, YOUNG FELLA." AMY, HOW ARE YOU TODAY? >> I'M GREAT. Steve: GOOD, GOOD, AND TELL ME SOMETHING A MAN GRABS A HOLD OF WITH BOTH HANDS. >> HIS AXE. HIS AXE. Steve: OH, AXE! >> AXE. >> GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. >> I THOUGHT I HEARD IT, TOO. >> OH, AS--NO! NO! Steve: MAN'S JUST STANDING THERE, JUST...GRABS HIS AX! WITH BOTH HANDS. Steve: JAMES, HOW YOU DOING? >> GOOD, SIR. >> COME ON, JAMES. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, MAN? >> RIGHT NOW I'M IN THE--IN THE SHIFT INTO MY DESTINY. Steve: EXCUSE ME? >> I'M SHIFTING INTO MY DESTINY. Steve: OH, SHIFTING. YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH. [LAUGHTER] WELL, WHEN THEY JUST USED THE BATHROOM IN THE POOL. >> AND I DON'T LIKE DIMPLES. Steve: YOU DON'T LIKE DIMPLES IN YOUR TIE? >> NO, SIR. Steve: NO. IF YOU DON'T PUT A DIMPLE IN YOUR TIE, IT LAYS FLAT. >> PERSONALLY, I DON'T LIKE DIMPLES, STEVE. Steve: DON'T NOBODY CARE NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE PERSONALLY. [LAUGHTER] >> THAT'S YOUR TIE. Steve: JAMES, THIS IS MY TIE. THIS IS EVERYBODY'S TIE! HE GOT A DIMPLE IN HIS TIE, HE GOT A DIMPLE IN HIS TIE. >> OPERATIVE WORD IS "HE." HA HA HA! [AUDIENCE OOHs] Steve: AHEM. WELL, LET'S JUST MOVE ON. NAME SOMETHING THAT GROWN MEN DO IN THE SWIMMING POOL THAT'S VERY IMMATURE. >> PASS GAS. Steve: WOW, THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE. >> GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. Steve: PASS GAS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NAME SOME NEWS THAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY AND A LITTLE SAD. CANDY? >> DEATH. [LAUGHTER] HA HA HA HA! Steve: WELL, CANDY, WHO... DO YOU KNOW THAT JUST DIED AND YOU WENT OUT AND THREW THE BIG PARTY? >> NOBODY, THANKFULLY. Steve: OK, WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT--[MUMBLES]--A DEATH! NAME SOME NEWS THAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY AND A LITTLE SAD. >> WELL, STEVE, I GOT TO GO WITH DIVORCE! >> GOOD ANSWER! [APPLAUSE] >> DIVORCE. Steve: "WELL, STEVE!" [LAUGHTER] DIVORCE. GIVE ME SOME NEWS THAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY AND A LITTLE SAD. >> I'M GONNA SAY LOSING A BEST FRIEND. >> HA HA! >> GOOD ANSWER! >> GOOD ANSWER! Steve: LOSING A BEST FRIEND! [LAUGHTER] WE ASKED 100 MARRIED WOMEN. NAME SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO GIVE YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE ACTS LIKE A CHILD. SUSAN. >> A BOTTLE. Steve: A BOTTLE. MIKE? >> A SPANKING. Steve: A SPANKING. >> EVEN WHEN I'M NOT BAD. Steve: MIKE SAID--MIKE SAID, "EVEN WHEN I'M NOT BAD." HA HA HA HA HA HA. LET'S GO FOR SPANKING. YOU WANT TO PASS OR PLAY, MIKE? >> PLAY. Steve: THEY'RE GONNA PLAY. TRACY, HOW YOU DOING? >> FINE, STEVE. Steve: MIKE'S WIFE, HUH? >> MM-HMM. HA HA HA HA. Steve: ALL RIGHT. BIG MIKE JUST LET IT OUT ON NATIONAL TV. HE LIKES A SPANKING, EVEN WHEN HE'S NOT BAD. SO LET'S JUST--LET'S JUST MOVE ON, THEN. >> OK. OK. WE ASKED 100 MARRIED WOMEN. NAME SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO GIVE YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE ACTS LIKE A CHILD. >> TAKE AWAY SOME PRIVILEGES. Steve: TAKE AWAY SOME PRIV-- >> THERE GOES THE SPANKING. Steve: MIKE SAID, "THERE GOES THE SPANKING." [LAUGHS] I LOVE THIS GUY. YOU'RE FUNNIER THAN ME, MIKE. YES, SIR. TAKE AWAY THE PRIVILEGES. >> YEAH! Steve: MIKE, YOU SAW IT GOING RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW, DIDN'T YOU? AND SHE SAID, "TAKE AWAY THE PRIVILEGES." EVERY GUY IN HERE WENT, “OH, GOD.” NAME SOMETHING THAT GETS PASSED AROUND. CHRIS. >> MY GOD. A JOINT. Steve: A JOINT. >> IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT CAME TO-- >> HA HA. CAN I LEAVE? Steve: YEAH. YEAH. NOW, CHRIS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HUNDRED PEOPLE YOU THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING TO AT SOME NICE LITTLE MALL ACROSS GOOD OLD AMERICA, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT PEOPLE DIDN'T TELL THE SURVEY PEOPLE, "HEY, AN ILLEGAL DRUG." LET'S TURN AROUND AND SEE HOW MANY WEEDHEADS ARE OUT THERE WITH CHRIS. A JOINT! >> HEY. Steve: THIS IS WHEN YOU KNOW WE'RE GOING TO HELL. OK. TRACY, ONLY 4 ANSWERS TOP IT, SO... >> THE COLLECTION PLATE AT CHURCH. >> NICE. NOW, SHE'S GOT THE HALO, AND I GOT THE HORNS. Steve: I LIKE THE WAY YOU TRIED TO STOP US FROM GOING TO HELL. "YOU, MISTER. YOU EVIL BOY. PASSING-PASSING AROUND THE LITTLE THING WITH THIS FUNNY SMELL." LOOKING FOR SOME SAVING HERE. CHURCH PLATE. OH. >> WE'RE GONNA-- Steve: IT'S-IT'S LESS THAN THE JOINT. BIG MIKE, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? NAME SOMETHING A MAN BUYS THAT'S ONE SIZE FITS ALL. >> I'M GONNA GO WITH CONDOMS. >> YES. >> SORRY. Steve: WE GO TO COMMERCIAL BREAK, I'M GONNA SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU. CONDOMS. NAME SOMETHING YOU WISH YOUR HUSBAND WASN'T SO COMFORTABLE DOING AROUND YOU? TRACY? >> FARTING. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Steve: HE JUST--HE JUST-- WHENEVER HE FEEL LIKE IT? ON YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR TO CHURCH, HE JUST-- >> OH, YEAH. Steve: JUST CUTTIN'? [LAUGHTER] >> YEAH. Steve: YOUR MAMA COME THROUGH THE DOOR--"HEY, MAMA." [IMITATES FART NOISE] [LAUGHTER] ANIMAL? >> YEAH, AND HE'S TRAINING MY DAUGHTER, TOO. Steve: OH, THIS GUY'S RUTHLESS. PASSING GAS THING. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] TRACY? >> GOING TO THE BATHROOM. Steve: I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, JUST GOING TO THE BATHROOM? WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Steve: NO, I DON'T. NO, I REALLY DON'T. >> OK. IF I'M IN THE BATHROOM GETTING READY AND HE DECIDES TO COME IN AND TAKE A DUMP. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Steve: WOW. TRACY. YOU'RE IN THERE PUTTING YOUR MAKEUP ON AND STUFF, AND HE JUST COMES IN HERE AND JUST STARTS PULLING HIS PANTS DOWN AND JUST SITTING THERE? >> YES. Steve: YOU POOR THING. >> THANK YOU. Steve: WELL, LISTEN, CUT THIS CAMERA ON RIGHT HERE. IF YOU'RE A GUY OUT THERE, DON'T YOU EVER WALK IN THE BATHROOM, ONE OF THESE POOR LITTLE WOMEN STANDING THERE TRYING TO BEAUTIFY THEMSELVES, AND YOU COME IN THERE AND BURN THE BROWS OFF OF 'EM! [LAUGHTER] WE'RE LOOKIN' FOR WALKIN' IN THERE AND JUST START TO JUST-- FIRE IN THE HOLE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YEAH! MY MAN! I BEEN WAITIN' ALL DAY. ALEX, HOW YOU DOIN', MAN? >> HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, STEVE? I'M ALL RIGHT. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> WELL, I'M AN ENTREPRENEUR AND-- Steve: YEAH, I KNEW IT. >> HA HA HA! Steve: YEAH. ALL RIGHT NOW. >> HA HA HA! Steve: WHAT ARE YOU ENTREPRENEURING? >> WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING THAT MAKES MONEY, BUT I DOUBLE AT NIGHT AS A WAL-MART EMPLOYEE, AND I ALSO GO TO-- [LAUGHTER] >> YEAH! YEAH! >> NO, NO, WAIT. WHAT DO YOU DO, THOUGH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? Steve: HA! YEAH. OH, YEAH. I BEEN WAITING TO COME TALK TO HIM SINCE THE SHOW STARTED. "I PRETTY MUCH DO ANYTHING I CAN DURING THE DAY, BUT AT NIGHT, I DOUBLE AS A WAL-MART EMPLOYEE." OH, THIS IS GOOD. OH, THIS IS GOOD, MAN. >> I ALSO GO TO SCHOOL, THOUGH, TOO--RADIO PRODUCTION, YOU KNOW. JUST A LITTLE CLASS, YOU KNOW. JUST WHATEVER I CAN DO TO DO IT, I DO. Steve: YEAH. ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO DO IT, YOU DO IT. >> YES. Steve: I LOVE WHAT--NO, JUST I LOVE THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. SEE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THE REASON MY HEART IS SO OVER-FILLED WITH JOY RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE ALL MY FAMILY JUST LIKE THIS. [LAUGHTER] IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING TO MY RELATIVES. THESE ARE ALL MY COUSINS: "YEAH, WHATEVER THERE IS TO DO, THAT'S WHAT I DO. AND I DO IT TILL IT CAN'T BE DONE NO MORE." MAN, I LOVE YOU, MAN. Steve: CASEY, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? NICE KNOT. LEAN IN A LITTLE BIT. I'M GONNA JUST TIGHTEN IT UP. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, CASE? >> I'M AN OUTSIDE SALES REPRESENTATIVE FOR A COMPANY CALLED CITYGRID--OUTSIDE ADVERTISING, ONLINE ADVERTISING--AND I LIKE TO DANCE. Steve: AND YOU LIKE TO DANCE? >> I LIKE TO DANCE. Steve: BALLROOM DANCING? >> WE DO EVERYTHING. SALSA. Steve: SALSA? >> DID SALSA ONCE. Steve: YOU A HOT SALSA DANCER? >> I'M A MACHINE. Steve: A MACHINE? >> A MACHINE, YEAH. Steve: I CAN'T PASS THIS UP. [STEVE HUMS] Steve: COME ON. COME ON AROUND HERE. COME ON. FEEL IT. [AUDIENCE CLAPS RHYTHMICALLY] Steve: YEAH, BABY, FEEL IT! >> THAT'S HOT! WHOO! Steve: CASEY, MY MAN! >> WHOO! THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! Steve: I AIN'T MAD AT YOU, MAN. I AIN'T MAD AT YOU, CASEY. >> TRACY, HOW YOU DOIN' TODAY? >> I'M GREAT. Steve: GOOD. WELL, WHEN PEOPLE FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT, TELL ME SOMETHING THAT THEY'RE STILL CLUTCHING IN THEIR HANDS. >> I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SAY IT, BUT THEMSELVES. Steve: AND YOUR ANSWER, AGAIN, TRACY IS... >> THEMSELVES. Steve: THEMSELVES. WELL... >> "FAMILY..." Steve: "FAMILY FEUD." PEOPLE WATCHING THIS IN THE DAYTIME, AND WHAT DID LIL' OL' MISS TRACY SAY? "CLUTCHING YOURSELVES." [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WHAT IS "APPENDAGE?" THAT'S A NAME FOR IT? >> ARMS, LEGS... Steve: I'VE HAD FRIENDS CALL IT, LIKE, APACHE, OR...ARAPAHO, OR...BIG ANGUS. [LAUGHING] NAME SOMETHING ANGELINA JOLIE HAS A LOT OF. >> A LOT OF LIPS. [CHEERING] Steve: GONNA SOUND A LITTLE STRANGE COMING FROM ME, BUT HERE WE GO, ANGELINA JOLIE HAS A LOT OF LIPS! IF A LOT OF LIPS MAKE YOU SEXY...HELL, LET'S JUST LET 'EM HANG OPEN. QUIT SMILING. NAME AN OCCASION WHEN A WIFE MIGHT BREAK OUT HER SEXY LINGERIE. >> WHEN SHE DIDN'T MAKE DINNER. >> EH, THERE WE GO. >> MAKE UP FOR NOT MAKING THE DINNER. >> THAT'S ALL I HAD. Steve: I LOVE HIS BROTHER'S REACTION. NONE OF THAT OL', "HEY, GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER." THEY WENT, "ACH." WHEN SHE DOESN'T MAKE THE DINNER. Audience: AW... Steve: HEY, CHRIS... LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU'RE 18. IF YOUR WIFE DOESN'T MAKE YOU DINNER, YOU SURE AIN'T GETTING SOME LINGERIE. I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW. HEIDI, HOW YOU DOING? >> I AM VERY WELL, THANK YOU. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO, MA'AM? >> I AM A WIFE, A MOTHER, A TEACHER AT A CLASSICAL SCHOOL HERE IN FLORIDA, AND I AM DESPERATELY WAITING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER. THIS LITTLE BOY NEEDS TO GET MOVING. >> SHE HAS BABY CLOTHES ALREADY. Steve: SHE HAS BABY CLOTHES ALREADY? >> A CLOSET FULL OF THEM. Steve: ARE YOU EXPECTING? >> NO. NOT AT ALL. Steve: WAIT A MINUTE. MOM-- HEIDI, HEIDI, HEIDI. HEIDI, THE KIDS AREN'T-- THEY'RE NOT EVEN PREGNANT, YET YOU'RE BUYING BABY CLOTHES? >> WELL, THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED A YEAR AND A HALF. Steve: THAT'S TOO-- SO WHAT HAVE YOU BOUGHT SO FAR? >> A WHOLE BIN OF CLOTHING AND A LITTLE HORSEY. I HAVE. >> PRAY FOR ME, BROTHER. Steve: OK. OK. WHEN THE PASTOR SAYS, "PRAY FOR ME," I GOT TO MOVE ON. NAME SOMETHING A DOG HOPES TO FIND IN DOG HEAVEN. I KNEW IT. HEIDI? >> A LITTLE HOOCHIE MAMA DOGGA? Steve: HUH? A LITTLE HOOCHIE MAMA DOG? Steve: A LITTLE HOOCHIE MAMA DOG? >> YEAH. Steve: HEIDI. >> WHAT? >> HE NEEDS SOMETHING TO HAVE FUN WITH. IF I WERE A DOG. Steve: A LITTLE HOOCHIE MAMA DOG. SO, TRACI, NAME A REALITY SHOW MOST PEOPLE WANT TO APPEAR ON. >> "TEEN MOM." Steve: OK, WAIT, THE ONE WHERE IT'S TEENAGE MOTHERS? >> YES. >> THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD. [STEVE MUTTERS] >> I DON'T KNOW. Steve: TRACI... >> I'M RED. Steve: ARE YOU THE ONE THAT REALLY WANTS THE BABY? >> YES, BUT I'M NOT BUYING THE CLOTHES. Steve: YOU'RE NOT BUYING THE CLOTHES. OK, SOMETHING'S GOING ON HERE. WE'RE LOOKING FOR "TEEN MOM." NAME A KIND OF CRACK. LESLIE? >> CRACK HEAD. >> I'M SORRY. IT JUST CAME TO ME. Steve: I, UH...I WORK FOR THE LARGEST PAYCHECK--ROLL COMPANY IN THE COUNTRY. I'M MOTIVATED, I'M HIGHLY INTELLIGENT. I HAVE A DEGREE. MY ANSWER IS CRACK HEAD. [LAUGHING] [LAUGHING] >> LET'S GO LOOK FOR THE CRACK HEAD! >> THEY'RE SORRY! Steve: YOU SHUT UP! LUKE, UM, 2 ANSWERS CAN TOP THAT. >> I'M GONNA TRY SIDEWALK. Steve: SIDEWALK! >> PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! >> WE'RE GONNA PLAY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU KNOW, WHEN RICHARD DAWSON WAS DOING THIS SHOW, CRACK HEAD HADN'T EVEN BEEN INVENTED YET. NAME SOMETHING A PERSON GETS RID OF SO HE CAN FEEL FREE. >> MAN, I DON'T LIKE SAYING THIS, BUT THEIR CHILDREN. MAYBE NOT IN A BAD WAY-- Steve: EH-EH-EH. YOU CAN'T FIX THAT. OK, SEE, THE 2 OF YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN YET. SO, SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW. THEY CAN TELL YOU, WE CAN NEVER GET RID OF YOU. AND YOU HAD 2 STRIKES, I'M GONNA JUST WALK ON OVER HERE. AND JUST GET RID OF YOUR KIDS! TELL ME SOMETHING THAT'S KNOWN AS A BLOODSUCKER. LAURA. >> [HUSKY] A MAN. Steve: WELL... >> I DIDN'T MEAN THAT ANSWER. Steve: YOU KNOW YOU MEANT IT. YES, YOU DID. IT WAS THE ANGER WITH WHICH IT WAS-- YOU KNOW, MAN IS A GOOD ANSWER, BUT A MAN! THAT-THAT-THAT-- THAT'S WHAT-THAT'S WHAT SCARED US RIGHT THERE. WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE MAN! AND THEN IF YOU AND GREGG PUT TOGETHER 200 POINTS, TELL EVERYBODY WHAT YOU WIN. >> $20,000. Steve: YOU NEED THIS 20, MAN. THIS $5.00 A POINT, THIS AIN'T CUTTING IT. >> ESPECIALLY IF WE'RE GONNA HAVE A KID IN THE NEXT... Steve: [MUTTERS] SEE, SO WHAT'S ALL THIS WINNING $5.00 A POINT? $415. THERE'S 5 OF Y'ALL. >> THAT'S LIKE 3... Steve: WHEN YOU SPLIT THAT MONEY, THAT'S $80. >> THAT'S, LIKE, 4 DIAPERS. Steve: THAT AIN'T NOTHING. AND IF WE DON'T HAVE A GRANDBABY SOON... >> WE? Steve: YES, WE. YES, IT'S WE, LUKE. I'M INVOLVED IN THE FAMILY BUSINESS NOW. I'VE BEEN TALKING TO YOUR MOM HEIDI, AND HEIDI TOLD ME TO PRESSURE YOU. >> BABY'S GONNA COME OUT WITH A MUSTACHE. Steve: YEAH. HA HA HA. YEAH, YOUR BABY WILL BE SEXY. NAME A BREED OF DOG THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "C." >> A CUTE DOG? >> GOOD ANSWER. Steve: THAT'S A REALLY NICE ANSWER. >> IT'S BETTER TO SAY SOMETHING THAN NOTHING, RIGHT? Steve: IN THIS CASE, IT'S THE SAME THING. LOOKING FOR THE CUTE DOG. NAME SOMETHING A LADIES' MAN HAS THAT DRIVES THE LADIES WILD. >> NO CHILDREN. GOOD ANSWER! Steve: NO CHILDREN. NAME A WORD OR PHRASE THAT STARTS WITH "HOOK". >> STEVE, WE'RE GONNA SAY "HOOKED ON YOU." Steve: YOU'RE A SINGER. >> ♪ HOOKED ON YOU YEAH, YEAH ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Steve: INSANE, BOY! IT AIN'T GONNA BE UP THERE, BUT YOU CAN SING, THOUGH. ♪ HOOKED ON YOU ♪ WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, DEREK? >> ♪ I'M A SINGER AND A SONGWRITER YEAH ♪ Steve: YOU SANG IT. >> GOD BLESS YOU. Steve: YEAH. YOU CAN SING. I SAW THAT RIGHT THERE. YEAH. WHO IS THAT NEXT TO YOU? >> THIS IS MY LOVELY WIFE SARTURA. Steve: IS THAT HOW YOU GOT HER? >> THAT'S HOW I GOT HER. >> THAT IS HOW HE GOT ME. THAT'S HOW HE GOT ME. HE DID, FOR REAL. THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HIM SING, I MET HIM AFTER CHURCH, AND I PROPOSED TO HIM, AND NOW WE'RE MARRIED. >> TWO YEARS. Steve: ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN. YEAH, I SEE! AMIE? >> YES. Steve: HOW YOU DOING? >> GREAT. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO? >> I WORK FOR AN ENGINEERING FIRM. Steve: OK, THAT'S GOOD. HOW LONG YOU BEEN DOING THAT? >> ABOUT A YEAR NOW. Steve: ABOUT A YEAR? OK. YOU LIKE IT? >> UM, I DO. I LIKED MY OLD CAREER, TOO. Steve: SHH SHH SHH SHH. [WHISPERING] DON'T. >> OK. Steve: [WHISPERING] THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WANNA SAY. >> [WHISPERING] 'CAUSE MY BOSS IS PROBABLY-- Steve: HE'S GONNA BE WATCHING. SINCE YOU LIKED YOUR OLD CAREER SO MUCH, HE MIGHT HAVE YOU GO BACK TO IT. >> OK. SHOULD WE RE-DO WHEN YOU ASKED ME-- Steve: YEAH, WE'RE GONNA EDIT THIS OUT. SO WHAT DO YOU DO, AMIE? >> WELL, I WORK FOR AN ENGINEERING FIRM. Steve: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IT? >> ABOUT A YEAR. Steve: YOU LIKE IT? >> I LOVE IT. Steve: ABSOLUTELY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WOW. IT'S SO REFRESHING TO MEET PEOPLE WHO ARE HAPPY WITH THEIR WORK. SO, AMIE, IF YOUR NEIGHBORS WERE NUDISTS, TELL ME SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THEM DOING IN THEIR BIRTHDAY SUITS. >> I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM EXERCISING. Steve: [LAUGHS] EXERCISING OUTSIDE. Steve: WAIT A MINUTE, MAN. THAT'S A STEVE HARVEY TIE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> HEY. Steve: OH, THE WHOLE FAMILY'S GOT THE--! YES! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] GOD LOVE YOU! I LOVE THIS GUY! I LOVE HIM! THIS IS GREAT. LET ME HUG THE KIDS. >> HA HA HA! Steve: GREAT TIE! I LOVE THAT! YEAH! >> HUG THE WIFE. DID THE SHOPPING. >> IT WAS MY IDEA. Steve: YOU DO THE SHOPPING? >> YEAH. Steve: WOW! >> YESTERDAY. Steve: WHAT A GREAT FAMILY! >> HA HA HA! NAME A SPECIFIC PLACE WHERE YOU'D BE SHOCKED TO FIND YOUR PARENTS MAKING OUT. SEX ON THE BEACH. WHOO! IN THE SAND. [APPLAUSE] LATE NIGHT WITH THE MOON JUST SHIVERING OVER THE OCEAN. Steve: LATE NIGHT WITH THE MOON SHIVERING OVER THE OCEAN. WAVES JUST WASHING UP ON YOUR MAMA AND YOUR DADDY... >> WATCH THE SAND CRABS. Steve: SAND ALL UP ON THEM WHERE IT AIN'T GOT NO BUSINESS BEING. SEAGULLS FLYING BY: WAA-HAA, WAA-HAA! THIS IS AMAZING. LITTLE CRABS RUNNING BY, JUST BITING ON YOUR MAMA AND DADDY. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. I'VE HEARD OF KIDS RUNNING BY, THROWING THE BALL, NEEDING THERAPY. [LAUGHTER] OH, YEAH. YOUR MAMA AND DADDY HAVING SEX ON THE BEACH. Steve: IS IT CHEV-AS? >> CHEV-AS. Steve: HOW YOU DOIN', MAN? >> I'M DOIN' WELL. Steve: MAN, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? >> I AM A COLLECTIONS MANAGER FOR A LARGE BANK. Steve: CHEVAS, HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED, MAN? >> 3 YEARS. Steve: ALL RIGHT. BEEN GOOD? YOU LIKE IT? >> YES. YES. Steve: IT'S A GOOD DEAL. ANY KIDS? >> 2. Steve: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, MAN. JUST FOR THE FUN, WHAT'S THEIR NAMES? SAY HELLO, MAN. YOU-- >> JAYLIN, NAOMI...DADDY'S SPEAKIN' TO YOU. Steve: THIS IS WHEN YOU'RE ON NATIONAL TV FOR THE FIRST TIME. "JASON, NAOMI--DADDY'S SPEAKIN' TO YOU! I WORK FOR A VERY LARGE COLLECTION AGENCY..." I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. WHAT'S THE SEXIEST VEGETABLE IN AMERICA? DELANEY? >> AN APPLE. Steve: AN APPLE. >> ZUCCHINI. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Steve: OK. ZUCCHINI? HEY, MARC, HOW YOU DOIN', MAN? >> NICE TO MEET YOU. Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO DO, MAN? >> I DO TIMESHARE RENTAL AND RESALE. Steve: WHOA, OK. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. GOOD BUSINESS? >> IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU WANT TO BUY ONE? HA HA! Steve: I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA SAY, "WANT TO BUY ONE?" >> HA HA! Steve: AND I HOPE MY WIFE AIN'T WATCHING, 'CAUSE SHE BUYS EVERYTHING. HEY, WE ASKED THIS TO A HUNDRED MEN, MARC. NAME A GOOD PLACE TO BREAK UP WITH A GIRL SO SHE DOESN'T MAKE A SCENE. >> I THINK MAYBE THROUGH, LIKE, E-MAIL OR TEXT-MESSAGING. Steve: LET'S E-MAIL HER. YEAH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DID YOU--DID YOU SEE THE WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE? [LAUGHTER] "YOU DOG." NAME SOMETHING ABOUT HIMSELF THAT A MAN MIGHT AVOID TELLING A DATE. BERTRICE. >> HE'S A LIAR. Steve: HE'S A LIAR. [APPLAUSE] HEY, YOU KNOW--HA HA HA! I LIE. ALL THE TIME. I LOVE YOU. LET'S LOOK FOR HE DON'T WANT TO LET HER KNOW THAT HE LIES. WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR CAR WHEN YOU THINK NO ONE IS WATCHING? JASON? >> I DANCE. Steve: YOU DANCE? OK. JASON SAYS YOU DANCE. JACKY? >> DRINK. Steve: HUH? >> DRINK. Steve: YOU DRINK? >> ALCOHOL. DRINKING ALCOHOL. Steve: YOU DRINK ALCOHOL? WHEN NO ONE'S WATCHING? >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER, JACKY. >> GOOD ANSWER, JACKY. Steve: [MOUTHING WORDS] DRINKING IN THE CAR WHEN THERE AIN'T NOBODY LOOKING. JASON STARTED DRINKING, AIN'T NOBODY LOOKING. NAME SOMETHING ROMANTIC YOUR HUSBAND HASN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME. >> KISSED HER PASSIONATELY. >> OOH! GOOD ANSWER! [APPLAUSE] >> WHO HAS? HA HA! [LAUGHTER] Steve: HE SAID, "WELL, HELL, WHO HAS?" [LAUGHTER] SUCH A GUY, MAN. MIKE. Audience: AW! Steve: THERE YOU GO. WHOO! ON NATIONAL TV! THAT'S BROWNIE POINTS, MIKE! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT! THAT'S GONNA GO SO FAR. HER GIRLFRIENDS AT HER JOB AND EVERYTHING--"HONEY, WHEN HE LEANED OVER AND KISSED YOU LIKE THAT, I JUST WANTED TO MELT LIKE A DISH OF BUTTER." [LAUGHTER] MAN, THAT'S GOOD. KISS HER PASSIONATELY, IN THE MOUTH, ON NATIONAL TV. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
